Lordy me.
LORDY ME.
What’s happening in Skins at the moment, eh? Or more correctly, what isn’t happening in Skins? They are busy little bees at present. In a quick rundown we currently have:
-
Jal’s pregnancy to fit-Skin Chris, shortly before he is swooshed off in an ambulance with a secret brain tumour of the hereditary kind.
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Sid and psycho-Skin Cassie are back together after Cassie’s flirtation with being an accidental prostitute and a lesbian. A lesbitute if you will.
-
Tony and Michelle restarting their relationship after Michelle and Sid’s short-lived romance – key phrase “You’re the only man to ever make me come, Sid” – poor old Tony having that broadcast on E4.
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Anwar finishing his relationship with gay-skin Maxxie’s stalker, Sketch, after looking in a mirror and realising she’d been cunningly turning him into the Asian version of Maxxie, blond locks and all.
Maxxie with a new boyfriend, cue scary looks from Sketch. -
Effie, Tony’s fifteen year old sister, adding to her pocket money through the medium of drug-dealing.
-
A-Levels.
I am a bit worried about the A-Levels thing. Does this mean that series three (and there will be a series three; they are currently inviting all and sundry to open auditions on the Skins website. Could I pass for an 18-year old Bristolian? Maybe one who’s had a very hard life) will be set in halls of residences around the country? The Skins must never leave Bristol. Never. Maybe they could all go to Bristol University and UWE. That would solve it nicely. Sorted.
In my last review, I pondered which ageing comedian might be wheeled on next, after appearances from Harry Enfield and Bill Bailey in the first episode. Well, the casting people should be patting themselves on the back. Not all ageing, and not all comedians, but so far I’ve spotted Josie Lawrence, Peter Capaldi, Josie Long (playing a Careers Adviser, which is sort of what I do, and I love her, so it is obviously a sign of our impending union) and Shane Richie (playing the drama teacher directing the school’s production of ‘Osama: The Musical’)… the list goes on. Well it sort of stops there, but still more impressive than *spits* Hollyoaks.
In other Skins-related news, I was in London with some drunk people recently, and one of them pointed at me and shouted “CHRIS FROM SKINS” in my face. I was momentarily quite chuffed, until I remembered I am a thirty-year old woman. I can sort of see the resemblance though in a round-faced Somerset-farmer kind of way… maybe I will go to those auditions after all.
Tags: Anwar, Cassie, Channel 4, Chris, E4, Effie, Entertainment, lesbian, lesbitute, Maxxie, Sid, Sketch, Skins, Television, Tony, TV
April 4, 2008 at 8:25 am
Nooooo!
Please make them pull the plug on the third series!
Have there been any more bits with see-through bras recently?
April 4, 2008 at 8:28 am
There’s been bits with unbra-ed bosoms in it now.
No wonder the youth are running wild.
April 4, 2008 at 8:28 am
I need to research these sections to see what effect they may have had on our children, are they available online?
*fetches oily rag*
April 4, 2008 at 9:05 am
Still, it’s more realistic then eastenders. But then again, that film Heavy Metal is more realistic then eastenders.
April 4, 2008 at 9:35 am
Start – I have just been attacked by a glowing orb though, so it must bear some relation to the truth… And Chocky too.
SH – I admire your dedication to empirical research.
April 4, 2008 at 9:41 am
Where’re all the teenagers to talk about Skins?
Come on teens! Let’s discuss your TV programme.
April 4, 2008 at 9:49 am
TeenOpinion (R):
It’s like family affairs – overacted and boring and I don’t watch it.
April 4, 2008 at 9:51 am
How old are you then, Wagonboy?
April 4, 2008 at 9:52 am
It might be overacted (they’re only little and cutting their acting teeth) but its not BORING. HOW DARE YOU.
*slaps JQW-face with glove*
April 4, 2008 at 9:53 am
I’ve got a whole 18 years under my belt.
*Enthusiastic thumbs up *
*Alcopop binge*
April 4, 2008 at 9:55 am
Oops, have I just slapped a teenager round the face…
*gets taken away by the police*
April 4, 2008 at 9:57 am
I reckon Skins is really aimed at people in their 30s wanting a glimpse back at what life could be like without council tax and hurty knees.
April 4, 2008 at 9:59 am
It’s fine, as you may know from your skinnage, it’s only the teenagers who have a tough time in life. I’d probably just get arrested and lose my chance of becoming a famous dancer unless I got my recently-revealed-to-be-lesbian-transexual violent ex-girlfriend to pay my bail by murdering my parents and selling drugs to 8 year olds.
April 4, 2008 at 10:05 am
I am 15, my mum won’t let me have pornography she says it is the devils work, I have sneaked a look at skins it did send my Jesus tool all itchy.
April 4, 2008 at 10:09 am
Is that the sort of comment you’d expect Rozs, honestly!
April 4, 2008 at 10:16 am
Best ‘young peoples’ programming.
1. Press Gang
2. Chocky
3. Press Gang
The glory days are over, people…
April 4, 2008 at 10:20 am
My teenage life was NOTHING like Skins. I feel so old and wrinkly.
April 4, 2008 at 10:27 am
The main correlation between my teenage life and that of the Skins is that I too was surrounded by people with Somerset accents.
April 4, 2008 at 10:27 am
I must be the only one that finds Skins a bit disturbing.
Teenage sexual antics no longer hold the allure they used to.
It must be my age and the medication……
April 4, 2008 at 10:36 am
My teenage life was unlike skins, press gang, grange hill, please sir or even degrassi junior high. At most it was a bit like Chocky but without the Alien which makes it a lot unlike chocky. I was once an extra in an episoe of dramarama though. skill.
April 4, 2008 at 10:40 am
That’s the second time this week you’ve trotted out the old Dramarama anecodote. Are you resting on past laurels Rich?
April 4, 2008 at 10:42 am
I was almost a vox pop on Ipso Facto once. Almost.
April 4, 2008 at 11:04 am
Admin update:
Comment moderation is OFF.
April 4, 2008 at 11:05 am
weren’t you in that wizzard film?
April 4, 2008 at 11:07 am
Didn’t you star in Annie, or was that another ginger?
April 4, 2008 at 11:09 am
I’ve never seen this Skins thing. It sounds like a big pile o’ shit.
April 4, 2008 at 11:15 am
It’s not.
(well it sort of is)
April 4, 2008 at 11:17 am
As one bad-tempered northen git to another, I am inclined to agree with your perfunctory dismissal sir.
April 4, 2008 at 11:21 am
Skins sounds like shit NC?
It does indeed, though being a fan of Eastenders and Holby I’m surprised you don’t have the box set deluxe edition on loop, you witless gimp
April 4, 2008 at 11:21 am
That’s the thing about being from Up North (God’s Own Country, Paradise On Earth, blah blah blah), Gilbert. You can instantly dismiss something – and if someone disagrees, you batter them because you’re no better than an apeman.
April 4, 2008 at 11:23 am
Ho ho! But EastEnders and Holby are shit, too! I’ve said that, Swineshead’s said that. We don’t dress up shit as ‘inspirational’, like you do those property and cooking shows you watch. I already watch enough garbage, I don’t need to watch any more, thanks.
April 4, 2008 at 11:24 am
Skins is definitely better than Eastenders, and I live more northerner than the lot of you.
April 4, 2008 at 11:24 am
Damn. Ignore last Eastenders comment then.
I am going down a mine now, or drinking a pint of mild or summat.
April 4, 2008 at 11:30 am
You live in Sheffield, don’t you? So do I. So, unless you wish to discuss postal codes, Rossasanquhuiqwhforvfoqoihohreh, we should agree that we’re the most Northern here.
Unless Gilbert’s in Leeds, in which case we’re suddenly soft southern nancy-people.
April 4, 2008 at 11:37 am
So when are you joining us NC? You’re going to be fucking terrified when you get down here AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
IT’S REALLY DANGEROUS
April 4, 2008 at 11:49 am
I’m going to be terrified, am I? I wasn’t the last time I lived daaaahn saaarf, so I doubt I will be this time either.
And as for dangerous? Ho ho! As you’ve said y’self, it’s the North that’s full of baseball-cap wearing fuckwits. I can deal with danger – unlike you who runs away from it when someone spills their pint, you spineless coward.
April 4, 2008 at 11:56 am
When did you live down south and where were you? A lot has changed NC, a helluva lot, yeah
These days it’s all guns and gangs and terrorists, you gotta be quick down here, you gotta be quick, or be dead, yeah
So, you think you can deal with danger? How about being surrounded by a gang of over 1 hundred kick boxing weightlifters? Reckon you can handle yourself tough guy?
These street are mean NC, meaner than a mean man, on acid
Wise up, yeah
Hey, take care
April 4, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I lived in Aldershot, North Camp, and Kingston ten years ago. The guns were all locked up in the barracks, so the only thing I had to deal with was being beaten to a pulp by gangs of roaming paratroopers and occasionaly, Marines. In Kingston, I worked in an arcade where I was threatened with and occasionally attacked by a knife about three times a week. I even had to attend a company self-defence course to learn how to not be killed by an outraged gang member I’d failed to show the correct level of respect to. That was fun.
Plus, I’ve a good fifteen years of brawling with drunken fuckers in town centres under my belt.
So, unlike you – a man who spends his time watching property shows, eating ‘sensational’ food, and attending classical music concerts – I reckon I can just about handle myself.
April 4, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I am from Newcastle, so that makes me harder than the lot of you. EVEN COCKNEY TERRORISTS.
April 4, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Shit.
April 4, 2008 at 12:31 pm
NC – I live in Bradford, which means in terms of northerness I win, but in terms of quality of life, child poverty levels, decent bookshops etc I lose…
April 4, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I was born there, as opposed to being a Johnny-come-lately, like you (or should that be, ‘Johnina’?). So that makes me more Northern than you – though not in a geographical sense. Ahem.
Anyway, we’re not as Northern as Gilbert. He’s so Northern, you can smell the pig-iron, clog varnish, and racing pigeon shit from here.
April 4, 2008 at 12:39 pm
A man gave me a mean look on the bus the other day in Stoke Newington so I ran to the organic cafe to see Charles and Arabella to talk mortgages.
April 4, 2008 at 12:41 pm
You’re actually FROM Bradford?
*feels a bit ill*
God, I didn’t realise they let people like you use the internet.
*spazzes at keyboard with twelve-fingered Somerset hands*
April 4, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I got my hair cut in Stoke Newington once.
That is my Tale of Stoke Newington.
April 4, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I am indeed – ripped from my mother’s womb in Bradford Royal Infirmary in the 70s. Born into an inferno as the place caught fire, and stolen thrice by a mad woman. My mother got me out of there as fast as she could to a more civilised place:
Keighley.
*lets out Beefy Botham-worthy fart as memories flood back*
April 4, 2008 at 12:50 pm
That was a good Stoke Newington tale, by the way. I have a similar anecdote …
I once had a shave in a barber’s in Farnham, Surrey.
Don’t all applaud at once.
April 4, 2008 at 12:50 pm
How the fuck did you end up in Great Hale and the Fens of Lincolnshite then?
April 4, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Aaaah, Keighley! When I first moved north, to the Yorkshire Dales, I used to hear people talk of this town called ‘Keeflay’. I couldn’t work out where they meant, as the only town of any size anywhere near where they referred to was obviously, from the signs, called ‘Kayley’.
O HOW WE LAFFED!!!!
April 4, 2008 at 12:53 pm
NC – I’m going to steal that for my autobiography.
April 4, 2008 at 12:54 pm
My father was a philandering cunt who told my mother he wasn’t interested in ‘bringing up a kid’. Kicked her out when I was age six, asking if they could hook back up when I was about sixteen, if you please. My grandfather ran The Nags Head in Heckington, so we went there. My mother met my step-father at the pub (he was staying there), and they got together, bought a house in Great Hale, condemned my childhood to death, etc.
April 4, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Christ…
Here, have a brown ale.
April 4, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Ooyah. A potted history of Napoleonic woe there…
April 4, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I’m over it now.
*reaches for whiskey bottle at two in the afternoon*
April 4, 2008 at 1:08 pm
‘Two in the afternoon’ as in my two, not WordPress’s, that is. The clocks haven’t changed on this site, I notice. That’ll be something to do with the Yanks, I’ll wager.
April 4, 2008 at 1:19 pm
I’m from Somerset too. Well, Hertfordshire until I was six, but since then, PROPER JOB!
April 4, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Cool! Where to?*
*note special construction of sentence thereby rendering it unreadable apart from by other Somersetians.
April 4, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Wells. Cor them northern lot dunt aaaaf lerv emselves dunnum eh youngun? Whaat they need’s a good jar o’ scrumpy an’ a Priddy firework night, set’n straight proper job.
April 4, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Where’s thee from then youngun?
April 4, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I be down vrum Taunton way moi luvvurrr.
They be high strung them northernuurrrs. What’s the urry, that’s what oi say… sit back, chill out… go and buy a paperclip or two from Baaastins.
April 4, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Where’s NC gone, I think you all may have pushed him over the edge, you know how sensitive he is
U BARSTRDSz
April 4, 2008 at 1:41 pm
I might put comment moderation back on so I can Stalin all this foreign talk.
April 4, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Oh shit yeah, I forgot he was drinking whisky, and now its nearly 2:45… he’ll be all dead and stuff now.
April 4, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Nahrr why you wan’ do a thing loik thaaat? Get a few scrumpies in thee!
April 4, 2008 at 1:45 pm
He may well have pulled a Get Carter by now.
April 4, 2008 at 1:47 pm
I reckon he’s gone to kill Kevin McCloud, just to piss piqued off.
April 4, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I was writing something, as it ‘appens. It takes more than a litre of Bells, a bottle of ibuprofen, and a bullet to the head to floor this old warhorse, don’t you worry.
April 4, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Writing were you? What coloured crayon were you using.
April 4, 2008 at 5:48 pm
My teenage life was like last of the summer wine. A lot of trampling about in the countryside.
April 4, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Tin baths?
April 4, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Luxury, in my….etc.
April 4, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Skins is fucking shite.
April 5, 2008 at 11:01 am
What an eloquent evaluation.
April 5, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Accurate though, what?
April 5, 2008 at 8:26 pm
You have a point.
April 7, 2008 at 10:58 am
Joanne: It’s not actually, it’s good.
So ner.
April 9, 2008 at 1:10 pm
A few days late, but hey…
I have never once watched Skins but word on the street has it that they are going to have a total cast clear out to coincide with the A level storyline, in an attempt to ‘make it more realistic’ and to give new up-and-coming talent a shot at the big time.
April 9, 2008 at 4:31 pm
I’ve heard they’re going to replace the whole cast with Topman mannequins.
April 9, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I heard they were going to clone HItler’s head from long-hidden refrigerated ejaculate, Place his head onto a specially made robot body with built in laser-cannons and have him as the lead.
April 10, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Still, that would be more realistic then eastenders.