Hmm. I’m not sure which of the Christmas ads would make me turn to crime the quickest.
- The one where Take That are simply having a wonderful Christmas time with that boob Myleene and her chums?
- The one where that flubber-tongued twerp Jamie Oliver hands out cups of onion and cabbage to a pack of laughing rats in a car park?
- The one where the increasingly unhinged Kerry Katona hands out the frozen party treats to her friends, her family, a Nolan and that wally, Jason Donovan?
- The ones that are narrated by the Scotch fella who read out that poem in Four Weddings and a Funeral?
- The one where the star of The Bitch and The Stud gushes over erotic pictures of salmon?
I just can’t decide. On the one hand, the Sainsbury’s one makes me want to take a sledgehammer to Oliver’s cranium, but on the other, the Iceland one makes me want to chase Kerry through the streets with a dog whip.
But do those advertisements fiil me with as much rage as the Co-Op ones (featuring this year’s most irritating Christmas song after The Feeling’s)? You have to admit, there’s a spine-cracking tensing of the entire muscular system whenever you’re watching the telly and you hear that immortal refrain:
“We me-he-he-he-heet in the wee-hee-hee-hint-her … AND WE FELL IN LOVE.”
Damn it! Where’s my knives?
And yet …
There’s that other one, isn’t there? The one with the toilet roll dogs that has McFly at the end? That one? And let’s not forget those ASDA ones with that bloody ‘It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas’ song that sticks to your brain like a malevolent tumour.
Oh God, and there’s the Des O’Connor one too! And the Richard Hammond one! And the bloody John Lewis one that’s trying to be all classy …
So which of them would drive me to murder? Which ads would I happily go to the gallows over?
Why … the perfume ones, o’course!
ROLL ON JANUARY!
Tags: Crap adverts