The BBC news comes from Gloucester, up to its neck in water. Look! There’s George Aligiah in his welly-boots, being all grim-faced as he informs the public of this disaster. Hey! There’s not one, not two, but three outside broadcasts from flood-damaged parts of the country.
Hold up! Another report from Richard ‘Voice Goes Down At The End’ Bilton, valiantly battling against the tides in his tractor as he surveys what has become of proud Oxfordshire? Another one? And who’s this? Why! ‘Tis Hew Edwards, the BBC’s top news gun anchorman, up to his nuts presenting a BBC special report – nationwide – braving the elements to bring us up-to-date coverage of the deluge that threatens the Thames valley. Move over Supervets … storm’s a-coming on the portside bow and we have a duty to tell the nation – prime time, BBC1.
Oh thank fuck! It’s Feargal Keane, the BBC’s suitably sombre-sounding war correspondent, home at last to tell all about the mess the river Severn’s gawn ‘n’ left behind … ‘specially in Tewkesbury, poor, beleagured Tewkesbury.
Now, is my memory failing me, or did the self-same thing happen two weeks ago in Hull, Sheffield, and Rotherham – to name but a few? And wasn’t the coverage of this equally destructive event mainly broadcast on Look North by Olympics Ice Dancing commentator Harry Graition and the orange Christa Ackroyd? Did they cancel Supervets? Did the north get it’s own nationwide special? Or five different reports on the same day on the main evening news bulletin?
Is there (surely not?) a double-standard going on here? Is this coverage we’re getting nationwide happening, perchance, because the South has taken one on the chin? I wouldn’t want you to think there’s a conspiracy born of the fact that the television you see is made by people who live in a city in the south-east corner of this island … but it’s odd isn’t it? It’s odd that I now know a pointless little town like Tewkesbury has a Toby Carvery, but can’t for the life of me remember seeing any footage of what the city of Hull endured (until the good people of Hull started complaining that no-one had pointed out their city had been washed away, that is). Isn’t this all very strange?
Funny old world, eh?