Big Bloody Brother


Blimey – well there was a lot of controversy over this year’s Celebrity Big Brother, specifically the hullabaloo centring around evil, secret celebrity agent John Noel. It was as if, for once, us mere human beings were able to grab a glimpse of the machinery turning and churning between Endemol’s net curtains.
For those who saw none of it, (and I confess I didn’t watch the whole lot – I found Jade and Jackiey Goody gave me ample reason to change channels) Jade called Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty ‘Shilpa Poppadom’ and Channel 4 spent the next couple of weeks finding every method possible to defend Jade whilst ensuring they weren’t being seen to defend her. Very strange indeed. To my mind, talking about a person with different colour skin to you in a negative way is not racism, especially if they’re annoying you and you have to share a room with them. But the minute you start using that person’s background, race and ethnic identity as a means of insulting them you have been racist. So everyone who’s trying to defend Ms Goody can fuck off.And I’m sick of her blubbering, snotty face on my TV and on the tabloid covers, hawking around a highly orchestrated apology because agent John Noel demands she do it. She’s an idiot, she proved it. Here’s where the story ends. I hope.In the meantime, to see how complicit TV presenters and fellow housemates were in this farrago, lets take a look at how they reacted…Cleo Roccos, Housemate:
Client of John Noel’s PR agency. Stood by doing absolutely diddly squat whilst Danielle, Jo and Jade made offensive and xenophobic remarks about Shetty. Clearly didn’t want to rock her agent’s boat.

Dermot O’Leary, BB Presenter:
A client of Jade’s agent, John Noel. Cleverly defended Jade in a manner which suggested he may have been playing devil’s advocate, or presenting the opposite side of the argument. Can’t be faulted for that, even if his main focus was to not involve himself. He was Pontius O’Leary.

Russel Brand, BB’s Big Mouth Presenter:
Client of John Noel, who I believe is Jade’s agent too. Advocated peace, love and understanding throughout, rather than tell it like it is. That Jade, her high-density boyfriend and her pals should’ve been plucked from the house in order to stem the bullying and lower their profile to the largest possible degree. That’s not his responsibility but, still, slightly disappointing.

Davina McCall, BB Presenter:
Clearly rehearsed her questions a bajillion times in order to seem concerned but non-condemnatory, still somehow managed to let all four antagonists off the hook. It’s her show, she’s the head of it. If I’d done something similar at school, the Head would always tell me I’d let the school down. Like the time I was forced by peer-pressure to vandalise a church’s visitor’s book with pictures of phalluses whilst playing truant. McCall should have made it completely clear that they’d brought the show into disrepute. The excitable goon. She’s a client of John Noel’s, by the way. Quelle surprise.

It’s over now, and good bloody riddance.

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6 Responses to “Big Bloody Brother”

  1. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    At least you didn’t shit in the font.

  2. swineshead Says:

    Great days, Napoleon, great days.

  3. piqued Says:

    I want more hatred directed at Jack, he was on BBBM and hobnobbing with all the ‘celebs’ drinking champagne as they slagged off his missus for being a cunt, without a care in the world

    He, in my opinion, was the fucking worst of the lot for being a racist

  4. Rosszszsss Says:

    I think the reason Jack appeared to not mind the slagging Jade was getting was because those people were speaking in words, thereby passing through Jack’s ears without making any sort of communicative dent in his brain.

  5. swineshead Says:

    He didn’t directly use racist language though. He has got a shitty-sponge brain, but the most offensive things he said were ‘pick it out of the toilet wiv yer teef’ and ‘I fink Shilpa is a fuckin wanker, she’s a cunt’.

    So not particularly bright, but not necessarily racist either.

  6. Rosszszsss Says:

    Apparently if you look at the clip of Jack calling Shilpa a SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY, it is possibly to lipread it and it looks more like he’s calling her something that rhymes with Iraqi.

    I am not bored enough to check this, it is just something I was told and will now irresponsibly spread it around the internet as FACT.

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