Halifax

by

Halifax 

BASTARDS! BUTCHERS!

Will somebody please tell the scumbag, drug-addicted filth that runs our advertising ‘industry’ that the Halifax advertisments are NOT FUCKING WANTED. Is there anyone, honestly, who’s sat up in their chair when a new one comes on and said ‘Oooh, it’s a new Halifax advert … I like these’ as some tuneless fuck-knuckle who works for a bank butchers yet another hit record to sell a fucking mortgage?

The latest one features a fat, unattractive woman tearing holes out of Aretha Franklin’s Think. I saw it for the first time last night and was left wondering why the fuck the people who write these tunes (and they’re usually quite precious about these things) allow their lyrics to be butchered in this fashion? Surely it can’t be for the fucking money can it? Don’t they get enough royalties coming in when their songs are played every day on every music station in the world? Are they living in ditches, eating out of bins?

And what of their song’s reputation? Does it enhance a song in any way to be torn apart and reassembled for the sake of selling financial products? Is Rhinestone Cowboy (a song I’m inexplicably fond of for some weird reason) helped in any way when I find myself singing ‘Be a High-Rate Saver’ in the bath, as opposed to the more traditional ‘I’m a Rhinestone Cowboy’? I’m amazed any songwriter would allow their songs to be misused in this way.

And they’re just so awful! In the tradition of the B&Q adverts, they celebrate the talents of the talentless. If, for reasons that escape me, I want to hear some boggle-eyed goon mangle his mediocre way through Sex Bomb, I’ll go to a karaoke bar, thank-you very much. If I want to see an overweight woman dancing badly to a soul classic, I’ll go to You-Wouldn’t-Would-You night at my local cattle-market. If we must have these invasively dreadful pieces of crap foisted on us, can we at least have actors do it please? Because that’s their job.

Why hasn’t a senior Halifax executive turned round and said ‘Hang on! These adverts are really annoying … let’s stop making them’? Haven’t any of ’em got televisions for fuck’s sake? Don’t they have wives or children to ask, ‘Dad? Why do you allow these things on the television? Is it because you’re powerless to stop it, only following orders … like the Nazis?’

Please Halifax, no more! I will never, ever consider your bank for anything – not mortgages, not insurance, not savings accounts nor ISAs – because you’ve spent what seems like an eternity flogging a horse that was dead to begin with. Your advertising has failed, swine-dogs that you are – please stop before you commit the ultimate crime and bastardise Bohemian Rhapsody.

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17 Responses to “Halifax”

  1. halifax_hater Says:

    GET THAT FUCKING FAT SMUG BITCH OFF MY SCREEN, THE HALIFAX FAT BIRD CANT WALK LET ALONE SING AND IT PUTS ME OFF MY BLOODY DINNER. SHE COULD WELL BE SINGING, YOU GOTTA “EAT” INSTEAD OF THINK, SHE LOOKS GODAMN LAZY AND SO SMUG YOU WANNA KNOCK HER OUT.

    THAT BLOODY PICTURE ADVERT – “DADS FOUND YA SCOOOOTA” WHAT RUDE BLOODY KIDS, YOUR ANNOYING VOICED MUTHA IS ON THE FUCKING PHONE – LEARN SOME GODAMN MANNERS

    WHAT WHEN WHY HOW HOW WHEN WHERE ETC ETC WTF

    PATRONISING RUDE KIDS, “THEIR OVERTIRED” OR SUMTHING LIKE THAT, IN THAT CAR ADVERT AND THE FAT KID IN THE SWEET ADVERT, “CANT GET RID OF YOU” WELL I WOULD GET RID OF YOU,YOU LITTLE BASTARD

    VORDERMAN ENDORSING SHARKS

    IT DOES WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN = THICKO MEN OR WHAT

  2. Swineshead Says:

    Halifax Hater’s views are in no way reflective of of those of the writers on Watch With Mothers. He’s an anonymous reader who seems to have his caps lock button stuck.

    Thanks

  3. Nicola Bentley Says:

    I have been for a very long time, very annoyed by the Halifax series of adverts. The adverts have put me completely off the entire company! So I whole heartedly lend my support to the other two complainants on this thread.

    I will now track down another link where I can campaign to the adverts permanently removed from commercial television.

    Nikki

  4. drew Says:

    Halifax the fat greedy bastards can die. They spam their shit musical parodies in my front room. If Al-Qaeda are listening please bomb their HQ and take out out that google eyed twat and the fat bitch. God I hate Halifax adverts with a passion. PISS OFF NOW!!!!!

  5. geoff t Says:

    THe ad worked if it got you all talking about it,it had the desired effect. I believe it is aimed at all the fat people who are in the market for a mortgage

  6. Swineshead Says:

    That argument carries no weight around this site Geoff – we tend to talk about the biggest piles of shit on TV around here, doesn’t mean they work.

  7. geoff t Says:

    PS Drew needs help ,he is one angry boy.

  8. Swineshead Says:

    I agree Geoff, he’s an outsider but what can you do?

  9. Charles Says:

    I found this page after googling “fat bitch, halifax ads”. I pretty much always turn ads off whenever I get the chance but just now I was ambushed by the grotesque whinings of this now very familiar suited sea cow as hers was the first ad of the break.

    Aside from being inexcusable and fundamentally wrong, I find it utterly bewildering that there are enough people ok with this for it to remain an everyday occurrence.
    Therefore, I am putting myself forward as the first person to organise a nation-wide (no pun intended) boycott, or better yet, synchronised destruction of Halifax branches. I propose, that all who are in protest stand up and together, as one, ON THE 1ST SEPTEMBER 2007, PETROL BOMB, DRIVE BY, BRICK, SPRAY, SMASH, AND EGG ANY HALIFAX BRANCH OR MEMBER OF STAFF IN THE AREA.

  10. Charles Says:

    This woman must be stopped, and it is our responsibility to do it.

    Alternatively, someone ought to write a very stern letter, demanding some kind of compensation for the continual harrassment and downright distress that one experiences each time the grimy McSack of inconsequence bellows into our living rooms.

    I am not shy to say that she needs a fucking punch in the teeth and I would love to be the one given that opportunity.

  11. drew Says:

    Shes back on the tv the fat bitch. FUCK THE HALIFAX.

    “push push push, push her off a fucking cliff”.

  12. Mari Says:

  13. Anonymous Says:

    free car quote

    Excellent post. Keep it up!

  14. ewan Says:

    Couldn’t agree more. I will purposely avoid ever knowingly using any Halifax or Bank of Scotland, to the extent of not even using their atm machines. That “fat bitch” is thankfully no longer on the screen, but that other wanker, Howard i think, appears nearly every advert break. Is there no-one we can write to and tell them to get this SHITE off of our TVs? Honestly, if I happened to meet Howard in a pub I wouldn’t like to be held responsible for my violent actions. Fuckers.

  15. Drew Says:

    They’ve put a chinese ‘jolly’ bastard on now. ‘kin great.

  16. sahara Says:

    i lovee the halifax advertss,, they realy make me laff,, my favourite is the one that starts of saying “woke up this moring feeling fine….”

  17. Napoleon Says:

    Then you should be fucking hanged!

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