Caught the last 5 minutes waiting for the Adam Curtis documentary at 9pm, that’s 5 minutes I’ve lost for good. It’s a fucking weird event Crufts, there is something unholy about it. It gives me grave cause for concern.

I think the whole aspect of have a creature then ‘making it’ do stuff it doesn’t want to do by, ultimately, being a shit to it, is horrendous. Feeding it stuff it wouldn’t eat if it were allowed to freely forage… everyone knows dogs like stuff from bins and wasps, then to fiddle and preen it as if it were ones own hair just add’s insult to injury.

All the people involved in Crufts aren’t right. That’s right – all of the people I’ve ever seen involved in this meat market for dogs are fucking strange. The winner for Best in Show, a long-haired creature, was being fiddled over by an American bot merchant. Clare Balding was interviewing him as he was ‘positioning’ his hairy dog on the podium. I noticed a magnum of champagne, was that for the dog?

Incidentally, Clare Balding. How on earth this square faced bean-flicker got on to the TV in the first place is to me an anathema. Maybe by presenting Crufts she was hoping to get a rosette for best in breed? She got a bit upset because, apparently, the winning dog was in some way related to one of her dogs, or her, I got confused. I felt sick. Why was she upset, what is the MATTER with her? Either way, I smell cheating. (The other presenter was that nice chap who won Castaway, Ben Fogle… but what the fuck was he doing presenting Crufts? Whose idea was that? Why?)

After the dog and his owner got presented with a trophy the au fait American bloke picked his dog up off the podium, put him on the floor of the arena then skipped around with his dog hopping behind. He then put the dog back on the podium, corrected the dogs hind leg as the way it was stood wasn’t to his liking and gave its hair a comb. What the fuck was he thinking? What a cunt.

I don’t know much about dogs but I know when they’re too hot they pant. In the space of 5 minutes the dog had gone from a regular pant to having full blown respiratory problems, its tongue was out by nearly half a foot and it’s mouth was so wide open it appeared as if it was trying to regurgitate a pigeon. How fucking cruel is that? Just so a few people and its weird owner could derive some sort of revolting pleasure.

It’s a disgraceful display of exploitation in my opinion, coupled with an undercurrent of bestiality. I think the BBC should take a long hard look at themselves.

Clare Balding should be put down by the way. I think that’s best for everyone.

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26 Responses to “Crufts”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    For the record, WWM has no problem with women who flick other womens’ beans. Or men who are bot-merchants.

    Also, on a personal note, I like Crufts. The dogs clearly enjoy it, and the panting is just regulating body heat, it doesn’t mean they’re ‘too’ hot…

  2. piqued Says:

    Are you suggesting I have a prolem with homosexuals?

    I certainly hope not.

    (I reckon you’re sore because you fancy Balding and she’s on the other bus)

  3. Swineshead Says:

    No, I was just confirming that you, as part of the WWM set up, are not homophobic.

    Let’s dance.

  4. masterchef Says:

    i like dogs (not in the roszser way, mind)
    i like crufts

    i used to put makeup on horses for shows. it’s fun.

    try it, piqued. maybe fur is your thing.


  5. Rosszszsss Says:

    I’m not allowed to watch Crufts, the police said.

  6. piqued Says:

    I heard that Clare Balding had a bit of problem with hair on her chest.

    She went to the doctors who asked, ‘How far down does the hair on your chest grow?’

    Balding replied, ‘all the way down to my bollocks’.

  7. proudfoot Says:

    Ben Fogle a nice chap? I think annoying tossface is closer to the mark.
    And just so you know, I’ve heard that Clare Balding achieves her astonishingly queer looks by drinking 5 pints of dog milk a day.

  8. horsecrazygal Says:

    ben fogle is sooooooooooo very gay

  9. Candace Breakenridge Says:

    I was absolutely disgusted with this article.
    If the author of it hated Crufts so much, why make a big deal out of it?
    I love Crufts, I have been going for around 5 years now, and watching it for 10 years. Also, does it honestly matter if the dog has long or short hair? That is the way that breed has become, long haired. I have Lhasa Apso’s, relatives of Tibetan Terriers and they have even longer hair. Just because you have something against people showing dogs, you dont have to make a rude article about it. I love dog showing, and others who also do will support me in saying so. I hate people that have to make a big deal out of nothing. Why do it?
    Dogs don’t always pant if they are too hot, because I was there myself, I was there watching every last bit of Best In Show and not once was it too hot or too cold. Dogs sometimes pant when they are excited.
    To conclude my point, don’t make a huge deal about how much you hate dog showing, its what people AND the dogs like to do and if you don’t like it, tough shit! Dog showing has been going on for absolutely years and it will never stop! Dog showing helps the rare breeds more popular so that people can carry on breeding them and so that they wont become extinct.
    Keep it to yourself and keep your mouth shut. If you have something nasty to say, keep it to yourself!
    Thank you

  10. piqued Says:

    Candace, which breed are you?

  11. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Hear hear Candace! Bravo! I like watching my dog taking a shit. There’s something endearingly comical about watching those hind-legs shuddering away as he grumbles one out. I usually shout encouragement (“C’mon boy!” “Another one?” “Play up and play the game!”), which often makes him turn around and look all embarressed, like. I reckon Crufts, that home of the over-engineered pooch that usually keels over dead before it’s six years old (get a cross-breed, much more fun and down-to-earth), would be improved by a ‘Best Having A Shit’ category. And how’s about ‘Most Noxious Fart Caused By Eating Old Kebab Out Of Bin’, ‘Longest Anal Gland Rub That Leaves The Stadium Stinking Of Copydex’, ‘Best Ball Lick Followed By Fart’, ‘Loudest Fart’, ‘Worst Fart’, ‘Most British Fart’, and ‘Fastest Stick Retrieval Followed By Growling + Fart’. Dog’s are great.

  12. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Cor! Look at the mistakes in that! It’s all this talk of dogs … it’s making me all hot under the collar (or under my balls). Fancy PMing me about dogs and my balls Candace?

  13. Kit Says:

    Well I think you are completely out of order! Unless you are a part of this ‘sport’!!! You have no idea about this and I agree with Candace, you shoud keep your fucking mouth shut. I have been showing and grooming dogs since i was 6 years old, and that dog that won best in shoe is my dogs father, so you should shut the fuck up…if you dont believe me then my website address is
    People like myself love dog showing it is a hobby as well as a sport, and the dogs love it, they love the attantion and they love to be around other nice dogs, and yes we are all out their promoting our breed so that better dogs are bred and not just breeding mongrals with hereditary problems such as PRA Skin condition, hip dysplacia and eye problems, we are trying to help these domestic animals and companions/best friends stay healthy and do not disappear!!

    Like Candace said, keep you mouth shut – and you are very right, you dont know a fucking thing about dogs!!!!


  14. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    What a beautifully ill-informed rant, Kit. Pedigree dogs are over-engineered and therefore suffer many hereditary conditions that cross-breeds and mongrels don’t. For instance, a German Shepherd can look forward to its back legs conking out at age six, followed by death. An English Bulldog has to put up with asthma, monstrous skin problems and an early exit. Labrador Retrievers can enjoy the fun of early onset osteo-arthritis. Staffordshire Bull Terriers are lucky to see their eighth birthday. You get the picture.

    These problems stem from breeders insisting on keeping the bloodline pure. As no fresh genetic strands are introduced to the mix (as they are in the hardier cross-breeds), you’re effectively left with animals that are close to being inbred. That’s why pedigrees pop their clogs when they’re eight, and mongrels carry on wagging those tails until they’re sixteen. It’s a simple matter of genetics, love. If you don’t understand the concept, ask a veterinary surgeon.

    I and my family have kept dogs too, cross-breed dogs (including my step-father – a vet, and much more of an expert on the subject than you, I fancy). Unlike you, I’m not a dog Nazi, which is why I get to enjoy many more years with a dog than you can with your silly little pampered mutts.

    Grow up, darling.

  15. piqued Says:

    Yes Kit, I had a bunny rabbit, I stamped on its fucking head and rubbed my winkle in its brains

  16. Kit Says:

    well Napoleon Cockaparte… i have had dogs all of my life and my best friend is a vet. Looks like you have just gone on google and searched for hereditary problems in breeds, yes dogs do have an average life span, and to be honest, if your step father was a vet, he would know that us responsible breeders have eye tests, hip and elbows tests, skin tests etc to make sure that when we breed, we are not breeding this, yes we stick to a bloodline, but only if it is clear of problems, all breeds have their problems and that is why we try and breed these out of our bloodlines so that our dogs are healthy and live a long a life as possible, so again i am right and i think you are talking a complete load of rubbish – you really dont know a thing as you stated about dogs and breeding and i bet that step father was a lie as well – you have literally found your information on the internet like an other sad person!

  17. who_needs_to_know? Says:

    Just a comment about the end of Kit’s last comment. Why are you having a go at someone because they possibly weren’t allowed to have a dog as a pet when they were a child?? I wasn’t allowed to have a dog as child for two reasons.

    1. My dad is allergic to animals.

    2. My parents worked full-time and thought it wouldn’t be fair to have a dog as they didn’t have enough time to look after it properly.

    I don’t see what this has to do with the opinions of people about dogs and Crufts. My Grandad bred great pedigree show dogs (Lakeland Terriers and Miniature Schnauzers – they all had long lives too for the record). I have grown up with a great love of dogs (of all shapes and sizes) but have never had one of my own.

    So please, don’t put people down for not being able to have a dog when they were younger – we’re not all that lucky!!! My parents didn’t have dogs for all the right reasons.

  18. piqued Says:


    I didn’t, no

  19. jemma Says:

    i think that this is aload of crap… crufts is way good and believe me i study animal care and if the dogs didnt want to the activities they would not do it, it is a good way to train your animal. i went to crufts this year and all the dogs are correctly looked after. oh n by the way about the dogs apparently panting and having problems breathing it has nothing to do with the fact that they are to hot, it is just something they do, like when we snuffle because we are finding it hard to breathe. there is nothing wrong with crufts so i think people need to stop being so pathetic and grow up !!!!!

  20. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:


  21. a BBC film crew Says:

    This article is so funny and pathetic at the sometime. I’ve just finished working for the BBC production team for the Crufts 2008 show and I find it difficult to see what’s so exciting about the show.

    I have to admit, it’s very interesting to witness a mass of different breeds of dogs, I were amazed by the different tricks used to teach the dogs, for example dog mirroring the moves of the owner for entertainment.
    (I question the method to train the four legged creature…)

    I also find the whole event very strange too but I can see the points about extending the knowledge/awareness of rare breeds and advertise breeders in the world.

    Regarding to ‘Pure bloodline’, in my opinion, it’s disaster method to ‘selective breed’ any kind of breed because I believe being too ‘clean’ could result other problems illnesses for the dog’s life. Nazi dogs?; is a little extreme with words, but I can see where you’re going with it Napoleon. A simple healthy diet, lots of exercise for the dog (and the owner) will provide a longer life. You don’t need to be a vet, breeder to know this, it’s just common sense really.

    Everyone has the right to view they opinion, even some opinions from some people are a little strong. In my opinion about Crufts, is indeed a strange event to take place with all the dogs in the world to meet up but I’ll be one of many people who will not take part and visit unless I’m working for the BBC production, of course. 🙂

    Before I go, I would like to point out that, Crufts is orgizaed by The Kennel Club, not the BBC… BBC are only there to record and to promote the event to the world. Why is Ben Fogle on Crufts? because he loves dogs, hence being on the show! (rolleyes)

  22. jemma Says:

    kuk ure jsut pathetic little peopel who have got nothing better to do then make up some rubbish little forum to complain about something that the majority of thw world (especially dog lovers) enjoy so y dont u just stop being so pathetic and find something decenet to complain about. if i were you i would be sticking uo for our country and fighting for our rights to be able to let our army wear their uniform now there is something u should be fighting for !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  23. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Ok piqued, you can take the dress off now. There’s no way anyone can be quite this dumb.

  24. piqued Says:

    It really wasn’t me, it’s staggering

  25. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I am now quite worried about all these soldiers going into battle in nothing but jeans and a tank top.

  26. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Also, I thought that just about the majority of the world had access to regular electricity, let alone crufts.

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