Really Really Old Heartbeat



PC Nick Roan (Nick Berry) is mortified to discover his wife (Niamh Cusack) has leukaemia. Meanwhile Greengrass (Arthur English) and his dog are foiled by PC Ventriss (him out of Dempsey and Makepeace) in their attempts to steal tractor parts from Farmer Bickerdyke (Burt Reynolds). At the pub Geena (Raquel Welch) gives Sergeant Yesprimeminister (pre-eczema-Paul Eddington) a blow-job and he cums all over her face roaring “TAKE IT! TAKE IT BITCH! ALL HAIL THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION!”

PC Bellamy (meanwhile) captures the crew of the U-Boat and locks them in the church hall. The captain of the ship tells Bellamy his name will go down on a list, now what is it?

“Don’t tell him Pike!” shouts Captain Mainwaring (Mahatma Ghandi), snapping his corset (at this point Fletcher (Ronnie Corbett) slips Mr. Barraclough’s (Foggy) wallet into his trousers and Nick Berry’s (Wicksy) wife dies).

Everything turns out alright in the end.

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5 Responses to “Really Really Old Heartbeat”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    You’ve just made me realise that Foggy and Baraclough are one and the same. How had I been so blind?

  2. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I would have thought it obvious. Didn’t the fact they were clearly the same man make you suspicious?

    P’raps the moustache threw you? Or the flat cap?

  3. Swineshead Says:

    Must’ve been the flat cap. And the specs. Foggy is essentially a Baraclough in disguise.

  4. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    With a more military bent, o’course.

  5. mothers heartbeat Says:

    […] With MothersPC Nick Roan Nick Berry is mortified to discover his wife Niamh Cusack has leukaemia. pneumococcal vaccine for babies – TVNZ&quotI knew she was dying because I saw her eyes closing […]

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