Frost and Pegg’s Perfect Night In

by

Prost and Fegg 

Like a dog with two dicks, I prepared everything for this televisual feast. I’d laid out my threads for the following day, eaten my weight in roast chicken, rolled a spliff the size of Ron Jeremy’s engorged winky and poured a glass of wine that would’ve shut Keith Floyd up, for over an hour.

I’d been seeing the trailers for a few days before, there was a clip from Kickstart, my favourite show of all time bar none. That was more than enough to have me spot welded into position but there was more, oh so much more!

Before the show began I read the preview again in The Observer, the reviewer was virtually dribbling seconds old semen over the page at the quality of ‘banter’ how hard it was to actually do natural ‘banter’ he even went so far as have a pop at Jimmy Carr for his lack of ‘banter’ and pointed at this programme, at Frost and Pegg’s Perfect Night In, as the quintessential epitome of how to do it right. I mean all this and the thrust of the show wasn’t even important enough to detail, it was a given it was going to be fucking ace!

Hurray!

At last it began. I was on the edge of my seat, almost clapping in pre-adolescent delight as these two comedy demigods (Simon in particular, I mean, if he were to die – unless I did – I would) appeared in their ‘front room’ and started ‘bantering’

After a few minutes I could feel the corners of my mouth twitching, yes, I was still smiling but what was this? Doubts? Nick wasn’t annoying me; he didn’t seem unwilling, crotchety even? Of course not, I laughed again a bit. Come on lads I willed, COME ON…

The clips flopped into view, strange choices some of them I thought to myself cheerfully, lots of obscure kids shows, some of which I remember as being, well, shit. Animal Magic bored the fuck out of me for example, yet here it was. I hated that Kia Ora advert by the way and I think choosing extremely dubious footage of Vanessa Paradis wearing a tiny weeny skirt and knee high socks singing Joe Le Taxi when she was fucking 15 was a very odd selection. I’d have kept that one quiet.

Simon and Nick also have cack taste in music, it’s one thing to like hip hop which I don’t understand, frankly, but to discover heavy metal via Iron Maiden who are one of the un-heaviest metal outfits after Saxon and Thor is akin to discovering the works of Dostoyevsky via Jeffrey Archer.

After an age, my enthusiasm dwindled like a bistro night-light, though I maintained my slot on the couch. The banter was a bit confrontational; Simon seemed to be struggling with Nick? No, must be me. Hey they’re laughing at something not funny again…

All of a sudden I noticed I was checking my emails. I snapped out of it and returned to the couch, willing them on. Come lads, for me, for England…

Then at last the Kickstart footage kicked off, instantly my enthusiasm returned with such aplomb that I snapped forwards, elbows on knees, hands supporting face, grinning like a croc in a paddling pool anticipating the school holidays, yeah?

The clip they used was the very same clip in the advert apart from split second footage of a French bloke riding slowly past, and a shot of the woefully shit Peter Purves singing the theme tune, and that was it.

That was it for me too. I was so upset I didn’t even want to watch the excellent Spaced in case the carry-over disappointment took off its trousers and laid a cable over that too.

It’s not that I’m angry lads. I’m just very, very hurt.

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36 Responses to “Frost and Pegg’s Perfect Night In”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    It was a bit slapdash wasn’t it?
    I’m not overkeen on Lucas and Walliams but at least they gave it some thought and didn’t turn up hungover and looking annoyed… Still, at least they got paid.

    Next week, and this is true, it’s Lenny Henry’s night in. So might be best to rent a DVD.

  2. piqued Says:

    Lenny Henry?

    LENNY FUCKING HENRY?

  3. piqued Says:

    LENNY HENRY?

  4. Swineshead Says:

    Lenny Henry – check the listings if ye don’t believe me pal.

  5. piqued Says:

    But he’s beyond contempt, devoid of talent

    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

  6. Roszszssszzzzzzzzzz Says:

    RAYCIST.

  7. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Such anticipation over a clip show? What did you expect? Sean of the Dead II?

    Two blokes sitting on a sofa introducing footage of shit from the 70s didn’t fill me with the same sense of excitement, I have to say. What’s the difference between this and sitting observing two of your mates talking about space hoppers for two hours?

  8. piqued Says:

    Roz

    The ooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkaaaaayyyyyyyyy thing come from Lenny Henry himself (when he was actually quite funny, as was Tarrant) in Tiswas. In fact, I bet you the P in my name that LH will refer to it in his show I won’t watch.

    Mr. NP, you’re awfully bitter, you should take a leaf out of my lovely book and smile all the way. Come on world, give me a hug yeah

  9. Clair Says:

    Like too much telly these days, (and this especially means Jonathan Ross interviewing his mates), the Frost/Pegg thang seemed too much like intruding on a private celebrity conversation that you shouldn’t really be listening to.

  10. Swineshead Says:

    Piqued has a soft spot for Tarrant. HE LOVS HIMS

  11. Swineshead Says:

    I heartily agree Clair.

    And piqued – your comment had made the page go spazz.

  12. piqued Says:

    I think you’ll find the correct term is ‘Scopey’ SwinZ

  13. piqued Says:

    (you lov clair as well u do)

  14. proudfoot Says:

    Are Pegg and Frost really comedy demi-gods? I think not.
    I am a fan, but half the gags in anything they’ve ever done seem to rely on referencing either Romero or Tarantino.

    If like me, you had kept your expectations low you wouldn’t have been so disappointed mate.

    The banter was definitely better than the shit Walliams and Lucas came out with the time before. They are arses and neither of them are funny in the slightest if you ask me. As for Lenny Henry, I’ve seen funnier car crashes.

  15. piqued Says:

    Yessir, Pegg and Frost are comedy demi-gods

    Particularly Pegg who co-wrote Spaced, Big Train, Hippies etc., and is a superb actor

  16. Joe C Says:

    Why is nobody else angry that this is just the Channel 4 ‘list’ show dressed up in a different way? It’s a fucking lazy, thoughtless, utterly shit excuse for telly. It’s clips forfucksake and people talking about them. It’s fucking rubbish. Rubbish.

    *head explodes*
    *shattered bloody gob continues slagging off ‘Perfect Night In’*

    Lenny Henry I ask you. Lenny FAAAARCKING Henry.

    *shattered bloody gob explodes*
    *teeth fragments and bits of lips continue incredulous rant against telly that is just people talking about telly in a half-arsed way*

    (Confession – I did really enjoy seeing the Kinder ad when Lucas and Walliams done it)

  17. Swineshead Says:

    It should really have been Pegg and Wright – they’re the two who write together I believe. But Wright doesn’t make good telly sadly. He’s behind the scenes pretty much. Not to discredit Frost but his favourites kind of proved he doesn’t write their material…

    Joe C – I don’t think it’s that bad a concept for a Sunday night – at least it’s about comedic influences rather than just a list of the best horror films ever (which are totally biassed as the channel just lists 100 films which viewers then rank).

  18. piqued Says:

    Joe C, at least Stuart Maconie and Robert fucking Elms don’t feature

  19. Joe C Says:

    Yep, the absence of the usual suspects was a blessing.

    Swinez – it just bothers me that it doesn’t involve any original thought, it appears to be thrown together in a half-arsed way, and it relies on the fact that lots of people like Pegg and Frost and would probably watch one of them wiping the other’s arse. I expect more.

    Maybe I’m attacking the wrong subject. TV full stop has been annoying me lately. If I wasn’t such a mindless monger I would definitely stick my foot through my gogglebox and go for a walk.

  20. Swineshead Says:

    I once saw Robert fucking Elms screaming at his kids in the street for what appeared to be no good reason.

  21. piqued Says:

    U PERVERTZ

  22. Matt Says:

    It was shit, couldn’t even force my way to sit through the whole lot.

    Got the distinct impression it was scripted but Frost couldn’t be arsed to repeat it, like he was being forced to eat his own shit or something. Or maybe he just felt like he was rehashing old pub conversations for the nth time. Which is what it felt like.

  23. Roszs Says:

    Dear Piqued – I am aware of Lenny Henry and his hilarious catchphrases, I wasn’t really calling you a racist.

    You are a sexist though.

  24. graham Says:

    Who is Robert Elms? I mean who is he, and why is he on everything, being charmless? Where did he come from, and why is he what he’s like?

  25. piqued Says:

    Dear Roz,

    I know you weren’t really, I was just showing off

    Make us a cuppa luv, there’s a good gal

    *slaps arse*

  26. Swineshead Says:

    Elms info here.
    An ex New Romantic and radio DJ it seems.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Elms

    Jack of all trades, master of none it would seem.

  27. Badger Madge Says:

    You should have stayed up for Spaced. It made the last hour and a half seem like a strange dream… So good to see it again.

  28. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I got bored of Spaced and ended up watching Mr Bean’s Holiday on an internet site full of brand new movies I can’t fully bring myself to believe exists. I like the bit where Mr Bean flaps about going ‘Dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow’ after something side-splitting happened to him.

  29. piqued Says:

    I LUV MR BEENZ HE IS SO FUNNUI AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAASHL

  30. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Have you suffered brain-damage recently?

  31. piqued Says:

    ‘Dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow’

  32. Paul Says:

    Muppets

  33. Swineshead Says:

    Bit weird that Paul’s email is under the name ‘Chris Cox’.
    Chris.cox24@btinternet.com is his email address, if anyone cares.

  34. The Tombstone Says:

    Stop publishing people’s email addresses.

  35. The Tombstone Says:

    Peoples’ for the grammar nazis.

  36. Swineshead Says:

    I published that for a reason, after deleting a comment that was inflammatory. Why are you hanging around in 2007, anyway?

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