Watching The Seven Ages Of Rock, Drunk

by

Jonathan Rotten 

I’ve missed the first two episodes of this show because I work for a rock magazine and I’m pretty much rocked out come the weekend. However, because I couldn’t be bothered to change channels, I watched this one … and I watched it drunk. This is what I learned:

In 1976 or 1975 The Ramones or maybe The New York Dolls played some stuff that definitely wasn’t anything like Emerson, Lake, and Palmer and certainly had nothing to do with Yes, Genesis, Asia or Pink Floyd. Because The Ramones (or possibly The New York Dolls) did this some very angry people in England picked up their instruments and did something similar.

Meanwhile the lead singer of The Buzzcocks grew up to bear a striking resemblance to Stuart Maconie, Joe Strummer couldn’t sing live to save his life and Johnny Rotten was a rotter. And a bounder probably. Sid Vicious (the Happy Shopper Glen Matlock) replaced Glen Matlock (the Kwik Save Sid Vicious) and The Sex Pistols fell apart. This was either because a) They were rubbished in America or b) Their songs were rubbish after Glen left or c) They were just rubbish generally. Anyway. Because The Sex Pistols broke up, rock’s gates were left unguarded and waves of Goths, Ostrogoths, Visigoths, Lombards and Huns in the shape of Spandau Ballet, Duran Duran, Visage, ABC, Ultravox and Dexy’s Midnight Runners overran the fortress and pissed all over the campfires. Metaphorically … ahem. This was a bad thing. To show what a bad thing this was the show concluded with Johnny Rotten’s rotten, rubbish, risible (awful) band Public Image – the worst band ever in the history of the world, even worse than Tin Machine or The Plastic Ono Band.

Most of the above either did or did not happen. Because the man who fronts The Buzzcocks looked so strikingly like Stuart Maconie I spent most of the show talking about Stuart Maconie to my other half. The discussion centred around ITV’s disgraceful decision to axe Collins and Maconie’s Movie Club. This show was infinitely preferable to watching YET ANOTHER FUCKING SHOW ABOUT ROCK MUSIC.

GOODNIGHT!

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20 Responses to “Watching The Seven Ages Of Rock, Drunk”

  1. Badger Madge Says:

    Yes what is it with Rock at the moment? Over one weekend you had Seven Ages of Rock, Making the Monkees and something on BBC2 about some album by some old dude. Maybe Dillon, I’m not sure.

    I’ve found the whole series quite interesting so far. I work on a more electro/music making mag and so don’t know that much about the History of Rock. Not looking forward to the ‘ages’ I remember more though, like the 80s and 90s. Those are sure to make me feel like a very aging person indeed.

  2. Matt Says:

    At the same time the Monkees thing was on, BBC2 had a Marley Exodus docu. I was torn. The Monkees won.
    Piqued’s gonna be pissed about you ripping the Pistols.
    Interested to see what their take on mid 80s to early 90s will be. I’ve found most of the retrospective articles written so far a bit annoying/wrong to be honest. I think most of them are written by people that didn’t experience it or have poor memory and cherry pick the big names. We shall see.

  3. Clair Says:

    Watched first two, thought ‘Tell me something I don’t already know’. Was glad I watched Brian Sewell talking about having a wank in front of Salvador Dali on Channel 4 instead.

  4. proudfoot Says:

    I watched the first episode and that was enough for me. It was focused mainly on Jimi Hendrix at the expense of a lot of other innovative and important artists of that era. In fact many were completely overlooked which bothered me slightly. Since then I haven’t been arsed to watch any more.

    Anyway, the Sex Pistols definitley were shite, no question. Even they knew that.

    By the way, BM – Who the fuck is Dillon? I hope that isn’t the legendary Bob Dylan you are half-heartedly referring to there? Tut tut.

  5. piqued Says:

    The Pistols were definitely not shite.

    Matlock/Jones wrote some of the best pop songs of the decade, no question.

    Johnny Rotten could sing too, he maintains he couldn’t/can’t but his attack (when in the Pistols) was excellent. I can assure you the industry feels the same way.

    Sadly the layperson sees the Pistols through Sid Vicious who was a cartoon put in place by M Mclaren in order to maintain the band image he’d created after visiting CBGB in NYC in ‘76, an image that had no space for the key Pistols writer Glen Matlock.

    Quite surprised at you Proudfoot.

  6. Swineshead Says:

    I’m also surprised – God Save the Queen and Pretty Vacant, despite (and because of) their simplicity are two of the greatest songs ever written.

    Weirdos.

  7. proudfoot Says:

    I never said that I don’t like the Pistols, just that they were shite. Maybe that is a bit harsh of me, as I can see the appeal they have and I find them fairly amusing. I just don’t like any of their music, that’s all. Let’s face it, their lack of musical ability was only ever going to be good for a handful of half decent songs anyway.

    And for the record, I think John Lydon is a top bloke.

  8. piqued Says:

    Totally agree, SH
    As said in my short piece about the programme in my blog *clang* no one is saying that they pioneered the punk sound, but they certainly led the way in it’s perceived image, or rather Mclaren did. It was an excellent bit of marketing and initiated an entire fashion movement.
    In the midst of all this they wrote some fantastic songs and Rotten injected some heartfelt nastiness into proceedings.
    Subsequently when joe average thinks of punk they default to Rotten/Vicious, not The Ramones who were the innovators of punk, i.e., 3 chords, simple short songs played fucking loud and fast.

  9. Swineshead Says:

    Yes, but we’re English aren’t we?
    So yah boo sucks to the Ramones, it’s the Pistols every time for me.

  10. proudfoot Says:

    American or not, I’m with the Ramones everytime.

  11. piqued Says:

    I fucking love The Ramones

    (u r a raysisctsers)

  12. Swineshead Says:

    PS – Piqued, my sister wants her Scissor Sisters album back.

  13. piqued Says:

    a. You don’t have a sister

    b. I’ve no sense of humour

    c. For my lunch today

    d. I had some tuna

  14. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Nonces

  15. Joe C Says:

    PiL were fucking brilliant.

  16. piqued Says:

    ‘The Order of Death’ is superb

  17. Matt Says:

    Dub though…eh?

  18. you wanker Says:

    public image didnt suck

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  20. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    uh-oh, might be time for moderated comments again to deal with the spamming things

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