Nick Ferrari at Breakfast – LBC

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For some reason, possibly the same reason that I put myself through the televisual shredder that is The F Word, I tune into Nick Ferrari most mornings while ironing my shirt and doing everything I can to banish the day’s hangover. If you haven’t seen him trying to snatch a little bit of limelight on current affairs shows before or if you happen to live outside of London, he’s the fat twonk above.

Nick basically pushes his point of view so far to the right that he’s skirting on the edge of Daily Mail nazism every single fucking morning.

I play a game with myself every morning (not that kind of game, pervert) wherein I think about the events of the previous day and then, before tuning in to blubbery Ferrari, try to guess what he’ll be covering and what angle he’ll take on it. This morning I emerged victorious from my front door, having correctly guessed that, without condoning racist language, Nick would go some way to defending the late Bernard Manning based on the era he came from. It’s the easiest game in the world, now I think about it.

Ferrari’s regular guests include Mark Dolan of Balls of Steel fame. Jane Moore the Sun columnist also turns up to talk shit occasionally, as well as a handful of other  Telegraph-type journos who are completely out of touch with reality and who seem content with the fact that your average phone-in listener is a racist, homophobic shyster in a white van. And me. With those kinds of pals on board, you can imagine it’s a laugh-a-minute.

Worth a listen if you fancy being sick on your bacon.

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30 Responses to “Nick Ferrari at Breakfast – LBC”

  1. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    “…your average phone-in listener is a racist, homophobic shyster in a white van” … as are most folk on this island, t’would seem. When you have surveys showing 90% of the population hate foreigners, are suspicious of them, and blame them for everything, it’s no wonder this man’s listeners are the way they are. I’m wracking my brains to think of a time when Britain (or France, or Germany, or Botswana for that matter) wasn’t overloaded with racists and xenophobes and shits of all shapes ‘n’ sizes. What I find amusing is that strange set of blinkered people who pretend we’re all gettin’ along just fine in a lovely multicultural wonderland of happiness and understanding … then we have a civil war and everyone shows their true colours by murdering anyone who doesn’t fit into their narrow view of what’s what. Cunts like this arse you describe (and Littlejohn, Bushell and their ilk) thrive on pseudo-Nazi shite because Britons are, for the most part, under-educated, ravenous, dumbass, mercenary, bigoted dogs who love this sort of thing because it fits in with their stock view that the troubles they’ve heaped on their own shoulders are the fault of someone else.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    I couldn’t agree more, Napoleon.

  3. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I’m not in the best of moods Swineshead. My uncle Bernard popped his clogs yesterday.

  4. Swineshead Says:

    He was a dear, dear man.
    ‘andsome too…

  5. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I’m hoping against hope I get his vast collection of giant underpants in his will. Fingers crossed because I’m starving.

    Uuuuuuuur

  6. Swineshead Says:

    Christ…

    *tug-tug-tug-tug-tug*

  7. Badger Madge Says:

    Swineshead, I do the same game with GMTV…

  8. Swineshead Says:

    I can’t watch more than three seconds of GMTV without putting my fist through a cabinet. Which is a hassle as I have no cabinets in my flat and have to pop next door.

  9. Proudfoot Says:

    I can’t listen to LBC at all. It’s shockingly bad. Ferrari is an insipid mole who ain’t half as smooth as he thinks he is, with his cheesy-arsed name. It can’t be real. I’ll bet his real name is Harold Ramsbottom or something of that strand.

    While I’m slagging off the station, Iain Lee is a gormless twerp who is unable to provoke a conversation worth listening to. Consequently, the only callers to his show are obsessive fans of his, and 15 year olds who can only manage to squeeze the odd farmyard noise from their neglected brains.

  10. Joe C Says:

    Nick Ferrari is a man with the least apt surname ever. He should be Nick Rover Estate. The twat. I saw him spouting his opinions on the Matthew Wright Show once. It made me want to put my fist through the cabinet in Swineshead next door neighbour’s house, but when I got there they were already smashed to bits so I had to satisfy myself by overturning their coffee table and lobbing a sea urchin paperweight thru the patio doors. I was still angry mind.

  11. Swineshead Says:

    Guilty secret – I think Iain Lee is bloody great. He champions Frank Sidebottom – he’s got to have some worth.

  12. Proudfoot Says:

    I heard once that Iain Lee was Christopher Lee’s nephew.
    I believed that for ages.
    He isn’t.

  13. piqued Says:

    If you were all listening to Today on Radio 4 none of this nonsense would happen would it?

    No.

  14. Swineshead Says:

    Nice and pompous. Well done piqued.

  15. piqued Says:

    UP YOURRZ U THIKI

  16. Joe C Says:

    Today is far too aggro for that time of the morning. John Humphry’s is one argumentative mother fucker. And God is often on Today, and I don’t do God.

    I don’t know what to watch or listen to in the mornings any more. I’m quite lost, blundering around the house in silence with no-one else’s opinions to enrage me out the door and off to work.

    BRINGBAKZIGNZAG

  17. Swineshead Says:

    I did used to quite like the Big Breakfast, as it goes.

  18. piqued Says:

    Joe, ‘thought for the day’ is multifaith / humanitarianism, has been for years

    The White Stripes made their UK debut on Today, it’s not at all argumentative politics, lots of culture, arts in addition to the essential news considered too heavy for the wider public. Put it this way, the main news agencies don’t really bother with deaths in Iraq/Afganisstan anymore. Today gives you live reports from regions bringing the conflict into ones ear, for example

    Oh, Humphries does 3 days a week (and he’s clamed right down since he quit drinking)

    In addition it’s the most respected news programme in the world bar none

    I put it to you that you’ve not listened to Today for years!

  19. piqued Says:

    Pardon my spelling on the last post btw, tis shite

  20. Mikey Says:

    piqued is right. Today is an excellent program, perhaps a little depressing but then again that’s the news . http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/today/.
    You don’t even have to get up early to hear it!

  21. Swineshead Says:

    Mikey and Piqued are up a tree

    s
    n
    o
    g
    g
    i
    g

    hang on, I’ve missed a letter out…

    k
    i
    s
    i
    ng
    s

    Blast.

  22. piqued Says:

    I think you’ll find that’s my bloody joke, sort of

    U OWE ME ££££££££££££££££££££££££’Z

    (I don’t find Today depressing actually, refreshing perhaps)

  23. Swineshead Says:

    Ha!
    Your joke. You pathetic shit.

    Anyway – you nicked my ‘CLANG’ and now you’re using it all over the shop. I HATE U

  24. piqued Says:

    HOW DAREZ U SwEAR AT ME!!!

    I OWN U YEAH

    aS FOR ‘CLANgs’ the clangers dun clangs B4 U WAZ EVEN BOURNE U TIT

    I’M NOT CUMING TO YOUR BIRTHDAY AT YOR MUMS NOW, U CAN PIS OFFZ
    HA, I WILL KEEP THE AIRFIX SPITFIRE

  25. Joe C Says:

    Up until about 3 months I had Today set to come on when my alarm went off at 7.45am, and would listen to it until I got up, then put it on in the kitchen. The first thing I would hear would usually be ‘Thought for the Day’ so I was often half asleep. Maybe it is multifaith / humanitarianism but that tone sounded like God’s work to me.

    This would always be followed by Humphrys having a row with somone. He always has one point to make, and will drive it home relentlessly, regardless of what was being tossed back his way. If not Humphrys, then Edward Stourton or James “Naughty”, both of whom are drier than taking a bath in sand. Plus, in line with all the Beeb’s output these days, they were constantly plugging stuff on the BBC.

    I have probably been listening to today since I was about 3 years old – nearly 30 years of service to the cause. I’ve just had enough of the format. I have come to the end of my tether with most of the BBC’s news output. I don’t bother with any of it, I work at a newspaper, so I just sit on the news wires all day and cherry pick stuff off the feeds as they come in.

    *blows raspberry*

  26. Matt Says:

    Does the Rabbi bloke still do thought for the day?

    7pm shipping forecast? Or is that the Archers? My mind has blanked out childhood years of R4 and Brian Redhead.

  27. someone Says:

    you are all wankers who have not got the intelligence to understand what iain lee is all about – try listening to more than one show – no? because you haven’t got the brains to cope

  28. Swineshead Says:

    I said that I like Iain Lee you bloody idiot. In fact, only Proudfoot slagged him off.

  29. piqued Says:

    ‘Someone’, did you set out to come on here and make a king sized cunt out of yourself?

  30. marc Says:

    i stopped listening to lbc,its so depressing.

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