Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

by

Two Pints of Piss 

Too pointless for laughter and a sackful of shit

In the absence of Tycoon, I realised that I would have to turn my attention elsewhere this week, and as I was drifting aimlessly through the channels late last night, I came upon an easy target. Not just an easy target mind, but an insipid, zombified beast wearily waiting to be put to sleep forever. And while, unfortunately, it is not yet within my power to do so, I was nevertheless struck with the irresistable urge to clobber such a pathetically inept and flailing subject on it’s sickbed. No, I am not referring to Make Your Play or indeed Glitterball, though you would be forgiven for thinking so. No, I’m talking about Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.

Canned laughter aside, there are no indications whatsoever that this is indeed intended for the purposes of humourous relief. In fact, any claims at all that this is funny are just out and out lies and anyone who even so much as smirks at the situation-based japes therein should be punched in the face for days, mercilessly relieved of their scalp, tossed into a volcano and shot at on their way down. Especially since those who enjoy its witless attributes are clearly chavvy types anyway. This is not intended as a purely throwaway remark either. It’s bland, shallow and utterly void of redemption, as well as being as much a reprehensible enemy of intelligence as anything else, anywhere on this knackered planet. As such, it is not just a programme for chavs, it is a fucking chav.

Taking into consideration that I have yet to encounter another human being who speaks well of this awful show, I am somewhat bamboozled as to the reasoning behind BBC 3’s incessant airing of it. As soon as it strikes midnight, it’s there. Multiple episodes, back to back, five nights a week. Lord above, how many series of this cascade of rancid camel shit have been commissioned? Someone, somewhere, needs a rare old twatting.

Ralf Little has long since bypassed his own sell-by date and must no longer be allowed to surf his own faded projection of success. Granted, he was quite funny in The Royle Family, but time has passed and now he’s just an offensive stain. I don’t even know the names of the rest of the cast but quite frankly I pity the joyless wankbags. I find comfort in assuming they’re all two strokes short of a climax.

I realise that this is not the only British sitcom guilty of bringing comical emptiness to the masses, (My family, My Hero, anything with Nicholas Lyndhurst post Only Fools And Horses) but Two Pints of Lager should voluntarily die for the sins of all the others as far as I’m concerned, minus any kind of resurrection.

Already, I have devoted a near-regrettable amount of my own precious life-span to this unworthy subject, and if I dedicate any more then I’m in danger of becoming a fool to myself.

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109 Responses to “Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever sat through more than five minutes of it. It’s got the bloke who used to be ‘Jambo’ in Hollyoaks in it which is reason enough to smash your TV’s face in.

  2. Paul Says:

    I couldn’t agree more. Strangely, although Ralf Little is the human equivalent of thrush, its Will Mellor who drives me to the edge of homicidal mania. He (or his character, I’ll try to be generous and not imply they’re one and the same). He represents everything that I despise in my gender. Laddish, macho bullshit, coupled with ignorance and a misplaced streak of vanity so intense you could stab someone with it.

    I’ve watched two episodes and that’s more than enough, thanks.

    And just to really upset you, its had 6 (!) series (55 episodes) but I can’t find anything to suggest they’re making anymore. Still, it’ll keep BBC3 and UKTVG2 in theme evenings for the next 100 years…

  3. Clair Says:

    This show is like herpes – it won’t go away, it has no point whatsoever. But at least you won’t get a burning sensation, as you’re not going to piss yourself laughing.

  4. piqued Says:

    I’d like to know which cunt commissions this and fuck him in his dead mouth

  5. graham Says:

    Once, a short while hence, whilst flicking channels, I paused a moment on 2POLAAPOCP, and the man one who was in Hollyoaks in the 1990s said:

    ‘If you stare at Bruce Forsyth long enough, he begins to resemble a chess piece.’

    Which as non-sequiters go, is a very fine one.

  6. Proudfoot Says:

    The only good episode of this would be one where all the characters take it in turns to rub crumbled glass into each others eyes for half an hour.

    Then, and only then, I might allow myself a wee chuckle.

  7. Swineshead Says:

    I wish my willy could do ‘wee chuckles’

  8. Proudfoot Says:

    I’m glad my willy doesn’t do wee chuckles. How awful.

  9. mcjeff Says:

    Oh shit, I like that show as well.

  10. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I’d ‘do’ the blonde one. I wouldn’t ‘do’ the curly-haired one. Not sure about the other one because this photo’s a bit grainy. Is she ‘do-able’?

  11. Roszszssszzzzzzzzzz Says:

    I had flu once and lost the remote control and was too weak to crawl across the room to change channels and watched FIVE episodes of this programme in a row. I started watching with stoney faced resentment but by the end I was laughing merrily. That’s when I realised that I should probably be taken to hospital and put down.

    It is very odd how often it’s shown – sometimes it’s on two channels at once.

  12. Stormer525 Says:

    can i just say 1 thing.. whoever disses this show should be slapped in the face until they bleed to death… the fact that u say only chavv types watch it… this is utter bullshiz…. im a 16 year old wannabe rocker and just like most of my friends we find this show 100% hilarious. so to all u sad gits out ther 2 dull to get lives.. stop posting shiz like this and get a WASH!

  13. piqued Says:

    Wannabe rocker? I think you should concentrate on getting your GCSE’s out of the way first young man

    Go to your room

  14. lmfao Says:

    iv just sat and read this, and i am laughing at the fact that u have gone to all ur trouble to slate this show.
    if u dont find two pints of lager funny then i think u are boring as hell.
    and if u sit up till early hours watching glitterball and make ur play i think ur even sadder.
    please go and get a sense of humour and FUCK OFF AND WATCH UK GOLD
    boring bastard lmao

  15. fuck u Says:

    Can i just say that all u knob heads who think this show is shit are just middle aged butt fucks who are past their prime.

  16. Swineshead Says:

    Funny how those who stick up for 2POLAAPOC are all illiterate.
    I’m 28 by the way, which isn’t middle aged.

  17. piqued Says:

    It’s not funny SH, it’s not fucking funny at all

  18. The Mighty Napoleon Says:

    Can I just say that anyone who finds Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps funny should be stripped, doused in acid, gassed, butt-fucked, and burnt. Their mothers and fathers should be hanged, and their kids flayed and salted. Anyone who puts up a defence of this abomination of a show should be put in a time machine, taken back to their childhoods, then handed over to a Thai paedophile ring for extermination. The ancestors of any moron who enjoys this show should be resurrected, Frankenstein-fashion, told the crimes of their decendants, then shot by firing squad.

  19. Trooper Says:

    If you don’t like it don’t watch it, its aimed at teenagers not at men sitting up late at night with nothing better to do then think about how to write an essay describing how awful it is.
    if you don’t like it change the channel, move on, get over it for god’s sake!!! It doesn’t claim to be anything other then mindless television, which some people who don’t need to reiterate just how “intelligent” they are in everything they do. Those of us with an ounce of intelligence will either enjoy it or SWITCH IT OFF!

  20. Swineshead Says:

    So those of you with an ounce of intelligence watch mindless TV?
    Weird.

  21. piqued Says:

    Trooper (great name by the way, do you have a collection of knives?) by your reckoning if a person doesn’t like something it’s best to keep quiet? That’s a fucking mature attitude isn’t it…

  22. Proudfoot Says:

    Look here Trooper, you little oik; I didn’t fucking watch the programme in the first place and I’ve never even sat through an entire sorry episode of it in my life. If you took any notice of the article you would have realised that it was a critique of the programme as a whole rather than an analysis of a particular episode. I’ve seen bits of it and that’s enough to know how shit it is. Why shouldn’t I express an opinion? It is a BBC 3 programme and as I pay my license fee, I think I have a right to a point of view. How about you take your own advice, and if you don’t like what I’ve written, then don’t look at it, and don’t waste your own time getting arsey at me. Now run along and play with your pretend laser guns.

  23. sweetsuger Says:

    will mellor is a gd actor attchully if u dnt like it then dnt watch it simple!!!

  24. Napoleon the penis-faced General Says:

    Is anyone who confesses to like this show capable of constructing a coherent sentence?

  25. piqued Says:

    …and only making one fucking point, ‘if you don’t like it turn it off’.

    Fucking pathetic

    I don’t like the fucking war raging in the Middle East but I’m not going to fucking pretend it doesn’t fucking exist. Nor will I refrain from fucking criticising it if I fucking feel like it.

    So fuck off fuckers (cunts)

  26. Proudfoot Says:

    How do you put the lid back on a can of worms?
    Anyone?

  27. Swineshead Says:

    You don’t – you stamp on the worms.
    The tedious, incompetent worms.

    *stamp*

  28. Joe C Says:

    I’m going to open another can of these worms, they really are delicious.

    Sweetsuger can’t even spell his/her own name properly, and then goes on to state that Will Mellor is a “gd actor”. I presume this means “good” as opposed to being an acronym for “grotty and dreadful”?

    What fucking drugs are the kids taking these days? I want some.

  29. proudfoot Says:

    Are you really sure you want some Joe?
    Do you really want to end up losing the ability to speak or write? Not to mention sitting down to endless episodes of Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps every night and actually finding it funny?
    No, just stick to the Heroin, man. You know where you are with that.

  30. Joe C Says:

    I was just wondering what insanely strong psychedelic could possibly make you think Mellor had any acting ability. But I didn’t think about the brain rot and inability to communiate without a mobile device, so you’re right. I will stick to the skag, glue and Special Brew.

    *injects, inhales, swigs*

  31. Joe C Says:

    And then I went and spelt communicate incorrectly and negated my entire argument.

    I too am a fucking divvy.

  32. proudfoot Says:

    I wouldn’t beat yourself up over that. Simple typing errors happen all the time. It’s a world apart from being so fucking thick that you think the word actually is spelt “attchully”, or thinking that using crude text jargon is a good way to get your point across.

    Just enjoy the worms.

  33. Napoleon the penis-faced General Says:

    Is it too early to introduce the subject of National Service?

  34. Sean Says:

    Yous people dont have a clue about comedy 2 pints of lager is the funniest sitcom iv ever seen Its keeps u lafin the whole 1/2 an hour! I even sit now nd wtch the whole thing again on BBC3 at nights its 2 gud and should still be goin!!!!!!!!!!!!

  35. Swineshead Says:

    I’m starting to think someone’s inventing these fucking goons now…

  36. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    What the fuck are they teaching in schools now? I assume the sort of folk who are writing in defence of this rubbish are also the ones that have been the most recent to receive instruction in English? Don’t they bother any more?

    “Sean. Can you spell ‘laughing’ for me please?”
    “Man, it’s like old skool shit innit yeah? Is it luh-ah-fuh-ee-nu yeah? Like, kna wot I mean?”
    “Well done Sean, here’s a GCSE.”

  37. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    And yes, I’ve spelt ‘Defense’ wrong because of furious typing and red mist.

  38. Mikey Says:

    The folks who enjoy 2 pints etc. probably think stenders is gritty, true to life drama……….most BBC programs these days are BAD.
    Vive la resistance!

  39. scotty Says:

    u lot r all sad startin a web site coz u dont like a tv program, all people who like 2 pints get comedy, people who dont like it, stop writin about how much u hate it, if u do enjoy writin about how crap da program is den u must b a fat fucker who chats up little kids 4 fun u sik pervert, and if u fuckin say dat i cant spell den dere sum think ronge wiv ya, it is called shortin dwn words so u dnt hav 2 write so much u fick shits

  40. piqued Says:

    Pushed that one to far, scotty, way too unsubtle

  41. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Scotty

    I know it’s going to be difficult to penetrate the thick wall of prehensile bone that protects your primitive brain, but here goes. We don’t feel the need to shorten every word we type so we don’t have to write so much because:

    1. We can type with more than one finger (or in your case, push more than one banana into the keyboard at once)
    2. The language we are painstakingly taught to write as children is interesting to write and interesting to read. Shortened versions of the language constantly bring the reader up short – it’s the reason books, newspapers, the internet etc still prefer to write within the forma structure of the language (even your precious 2 Pints is not spelled ‘2 pntz ov lger n a pkt ov crsps’)
    3. Most writers of the language would not wish to be thought of as idiots by those that read their words. Sentences like your ‘it is called shortin dwn words so u dnt hav 2 write so much u fick shits’ makes you sound like an imbecile. Most writers would be conscious of this fact – your generation seems blissfully unaware that the way you write gives off the impression you have learning difficulties
    4. This style of writing has emerged through the medium of predictive text-messaging. Though I don’t use this method myself, I can see why it’s available because it saves space and ultimately money. However, this does not mean that, when one has the luxury of being able to write properly in a style the average Briton would recognise as their language, you should eschew that option because the alternative takes you less time or is more convenient. It would be more convenient for me to walk around in my underpants on a hot day – I don’t persue that option because I am capable of deducing my actions would annoy the hell out of everyone else
    5. We’re grown-ups. Grown-ups write, talk, and behave like grown-ups, not like children. In the same way I don’t own a BMX bike or a skateboard, or in the same way I don’t spend my days watching risible children’s cartoons or reading cardboard Harry Potter novels, I also don’t communicate with fellow grown-ups on the level of an ill-educated eight year old. I have respect for the intelligence of those around me, and one aspect of that respect is recognizing their communicative capabilities.

    I know that, ultimately, these points will be lost on you. Anyone who seriously argues that anybody who dislikes this idiotic show of yours is a paedophile is clearly incapable of forming, or indeed constructing, a serious argument. If one examines the viewing figures for this show, you would ascertain from your ill thought out statement that about 98% of the population are paedophiles. This group would include most members of your family, and I’m sure you’d be the first to shout from the rafters that this was not the case.

    I suggest you try learning the language of the country of your birth before you advance your nonsense on the rest of us. All you’ve done is manage to reinforce the argument that this show is enjoyed exclusively by morons.

  42. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Is Scotty capable of recognising the mistake I made in one of my points? Sssh … let’s not tell him.

  43. Proudfoot Says:

    Excellent stuff Napoleon. Well said.

  44. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Well it makes my blood boil, it really does.

  45. scotty Says:

    you fuckin sad hahahahahahahahahaha
    writin a essay about shit i cant be bothered two read and proudfoot what a shit name is that, did you call your self that because your mum sucks your toes every night, and Napoleon Cockaparte as you like old language, translate this, “i bite my thumb at you ,sir”, and if you dont no what that is then watch the film romeo and juliet, and if you translate what is said in the play you no what i said, i stated that whoever goes on a website and write about a tv program that they dont like and enjoy writing about how much they hate about it then you must be a paedophiles, and one thing erm i 6,10 and 11 stone so i not fat as like you mate and your sidekick proudfoot or your blowjob friend or do you lick each others cunts, and when you shorten you take out letters that well shorten them down like for example “you” spelt in short language is “u” and “because” will be shorten down to “bcuz”, you thick head when you want to say “of” you dont spell it “ov” you spell it “of” because you are not shorten the word are you, so when you make points mate then make sure they are shorter so i wont fall asleep reading that shit and i dont read harry potter, harry potter is the most shitist film in the world.

  46. Swineshead Says:

    Hi Scotty

    Why don’t you tell us how old you are and what you do for a living?

  47. Swineshead Says:

    Just so we all know, I moderated a comment by Scotty (email address sjc275@hotmail.com by the way) which featured the words ‘Napoleon Cockaparte is gay twat’ repeated over and over. Scotty’s learned how to cut and paste, which shows some development in his keyboard skills. Round of applause for Scotty.

    So – sjc275@hotmail.com

    That’s: sjc275@hotmail.com

  48. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    It’s great being called thick by a mongoloid fuckwit. Nice to have my point that my comment wouldn’t make a blind bit of difference reinforced. Well done Scotty!

    Oh, and can I have fries with that?

  49. Swineshead Says:

    Scotty – while you’re there – a tin of baked beans has fallen over and dented in aisle 3, pick it up and replace.

  50. Swineshead Says:

    I love this Scotty quote:

    translate this, “i bite my thumb at you ,sir”, and if you dont no what that is then watch the film romeo and juliet

    Because Romeo and Juliet is a film, first and foremost, not one of the most revered plays in the English language.

  51. Clarys Says:

    Who would have thought a review of Two Pints would cause such uproar, and for such a long time too. Interesting.

    On from the Romeo and Juliet part, reminds me of a story my (teacher) friend told me.

    One of the pupils in her English and Media class is allowed to take one exam verbally, due to behaviourial issues (ie, tres violent). They had been studying R+J for a few months, and they had also watched the Baz Luhrmann film to help clarify things. The exam was conducted as though pupil was in fact Juliet. It went something like this:

    Teacher friend: So, Juliet, how did you know that you loved Romeo?
    Pupil/Juliet: Saw him through a fishtank, innit.

    Quite possibly the best answer I think I’ve ever heard. Genius!

  52. Swineshead Says:

    The exam was taken as though the pupil was Juliet?
    What a load of shit that is… do they seriously do that?

  53. Swineshead Says:

    Actually, I’ll ask Scotty – Scotty love, did they really do that in your mocks last year?

  54. Clarys Says:

    Apparently so – not for everyone I don’t think, but when the pupil is taking the exam as an oral, that was the “hook”. It’s quite common for children with learning difficulties to dictate their answers while the teacher writes them down, but that’s understandable.

    Didn’t happen like that in my media/english/any exams, but then I wasn’t prone to hitting teachers and pupils.

  55. Swineshead Says:

    Oh right, so long as it’s only for the mental kids I’m fine with it.

  56. Clarys Says:

    Sweet, glad we sorted that!

    As an aside, some of the comments on this review seem so insane it’s untrue – do people actually write like this, or is someone taking the mick?

  57. Swineshead Says:

    I wish I had the time to make them up. They’re all real.

    Be afraid.

  58. scotty Says:

    how the fuck would i no, i left school 9 years ago, i only no that because i am helping my niece with her homework, and you relly want to no what i do for a living, i own around 10 nightclubs in hackney and kent, my year gross is £450,000 so common then what do you do for living then, and if you want to no why i am helping my niece with her homework because you lot are all sad is that my brother and my sister in law are both dead, and i happily married with one kid, so there you go that what i do for a living and about my family aswell.

  59. Swineshead Says:

    I bet they are nightclubs of stellar quality too, Scotty. What are they called?

  60. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    YOU help your neice with her homework? Fuck me, she must be the stupidest kid who’s ever lived.

  61. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I love the way it’s ‘around 10 nigthclubs’ … most ACTUAL nightclub owners (as opposed to fast-food workers – Scotty’s real job) would know how many nightclubs they own. Must try harder Scotty, you big fucking dunce.

  62. scotty Says:

    it is around 10 because there is one that been built and the first thing you can think of food fat shit, you crossed a line there calling my niece thick, and i just going make your blood boil by writting like this
    O’ Napoleon Cockaparte can i hav fries wiv dat u fat shit

    so fuck off u fucking idiot, u fat cunt who works in fast food place dat y u always mention fast food

  63. Swineshead Says:

    I imagine the only club Scotty owns is a club foot, what with being an in-bred n’all.

  64. scotty Says:

    swineshead u cum up wiv sum ramdom crap dont u, so cum on den wot do u do for living

  65. Swineshead Says:

    I earn £460,000 p/a doing a bullshit job I just made up.

    But I can spell, which kind of makes up for it.

  66. scotty Says:

    hahahahaha

    i actually own 10 night clubs

    u probably 2 fat to own a job u fat shit

  67. Swineshead Says:

    It’s getting to the point where your words are just becoming random collections of letters. Because that’s what they are.

  68. scotty Says:

    well i gettin the same thing frm u aswell
    and a load of bullshit aswell bcuz u dnt tell us wot u actually do 4 a job

  69. Swineshead Says:

    Anyone who can read can see that my sentences make sense, goon.

    My job is irrelevant – yours is a lie.

  70. scotty Says:

    well mine is true and u probably aint got job
    awwwwwwwwwww u cnt get a job coz u 2 fat

  71. Swineshead Says:

    Ok, so according to you

    I’m unemployed and morbidly obese.

    Napoleon is also obese, works in a fast food outlet and his mother sucks his toes(?!)

    Proudfoot is a paedophile because he doesn’t like one of the shittest sitcoms in TV history.

    It’s time to find yourself another website to comment on Scotty.

  72. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I love the way I’ve crossed some kind of imaginary line in Scotty’s head by calling his neice stupid (c’mon Scotty, she MUST be with a guy like you helping her out), yet Scotty’s alright calling anyone who doesn’t like the banal filth that is 2 Pints a kiddie-fiddler.

    And well done for repeating my insult instead of making one up of your own – very clever there. Would monkey man like another banana? Or is monkey man too busy picking lice from monkey man’s stupid neice’s hair? OH SHIT! There I go again!

    Block this fucking moron, I’ve had enough.

  73. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Plus, I’ve got to drag my fat arse back to McDonald’s. I’ve had to waste my entire lunch-hour fishing a foot out of my bloody mother’s mouth.

    GOD I’M STARVING!

  74. tom hallwood Says:

    what is purpose of this site, may i ask

  75. piqued Says:

    I was going to ask Scotty how the smoking ban had effected his business, I can’t now, thanks a bunch u guyz

  76. Swineshead Says:

    Tom – have a look around and try to work it out.
    If you’ve come to this page directly, click the top banner.

  77. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Tom

    This site has been set up so five fat, jobless paedophiles can get together to annoy a man called Scotty about the woeful BBC 3 sitcom 2 Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps. I hope this answers your question.

  78. tom hallwood Says:

    Ok my fault, who started this site as i am new to this

  79. Swineshead Says:

    I started it…

  80. tom hallwood Says:

    ok and how may i ask

  81. Swineshead Says:

    Using my fingers, eyes and mind….

    Are you asking ‘how do I set up a WordPress blog’?

    If so, go to http://www.wordpress.com and there should be some sort of guide somewhere, surely?

    *tears hair out*

  82. tom hallwood Says:

    thank you for asking in a nice manner, these teenagers these days are mental

  83. Proudfoot Says:

    I think the market research is well and truly complete now.

    It is now a proven fact that the vast majority of people who enjoy this show are extremely dense, dangerously irrational and mindlessly psychotic.

    Now let’s post our findings to the beeb and get this shit taken off the air once and for all. And for all those numbskulls who have commented, thanks very much for your help.

  84. laura Says:

    its fucking amazing
    how can you not like this programme?
    its so very british and so very funny!

  85. Swineshead Says:

    You’re pissing in the wind with that comment, Laura.

  86. dave Says:

    it seems like someone at bbc 3 might be listening – from the frying pan of two pints to the fire of double episodes of “grown-ups” anyone?

  87. Phil101 Says:

    This is message thread brilliant. Far funnier than TPOLAAPOC itself.

    Please, BBC3, commission Scotty and give him his very own show where can all watch him help various schoolchildren with their homework while watching dire BBC3 shows in the comfort of one of his ‘around 10’ nightclubs.

    Finally, Napoleon C: you are a genius.

  88. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon’s got his own blog… click on the main header for the main site and his blog is on the list, it’s called In Through the Outdoor etc…

    Keep reading, tell your friends, shit your pants etc…

    PS… since Scotty’s last comment he’s attempted to be heard numerous times and I’ve spammed his comments.

  89. fidothedog Says:

    Brilliant, best review of that chav fest I have seen.

  90. Ratbag Says:

    The thing that REALLY irks me about Two Pints is the fact that they didn’t even have the decency to use the Splodgenessabounds song that supplied the name of the damn show as its theme music. That in itself would have improved it substantially.

    Incidentally, Scotty – “ronge” isn’t shorter than “wrong”, it’s just stupider. Just for future reference.

  91. Cunt Says:

    Now you are truely, completely, utterly wrong! This is an amazing show that, if you were anything short of a good reviewer you would realise, is a pisstake on as you so judgingly call it ‘Chav’ society. I call it working class, there is a difference, while the Johnny and Janet characters could be called so I am not sure other characters could be. Now I am only 16, I have not yet spent a full day in college, and I challenge you that I could write a better review on anything than you! Because reading that appaled me.

    While not factual in the slightest, this is light entertainment aimed at so many different audiences, how you failed to appreciate it is past me.

    Napoleon made a pass at Scotty further up, which is unfair as he insulted him on typing as a normal teenager types, through popular culture, and he never claimed it was true English so Mr. Cunting Napolean, if I have spelt anything wrong I’m sorry deal with dislexia, and I’m sure you will be Nazi enough to complain if English is spoken in a fucking accent.

    Also you are grown ups – that is another point you made, so surely a man like yourself should be able to see past the fact that Two Pints is acted. Not real. Fictional… I’m sure you are familiar with the term. It is meant to be satire and it is extremily funny.

    Of course I have been insulting in this, but this is all a difference of opinion, and I defend your right to differ from mine, as you should others.

    I hope I have converted a couple of people, but feel I have wasted my time, I probably won’t return as I only just stumbled onto the site. But hilighting errors in my grammar will not justify your dislike for a program, and your views of a ‘class’ of people.

  92. Cunt Says:

    You can add asterisks if you want moderator.

  93. Cunt Says:

    Can you roll all these posts into one please?
    Insulting a young man on his intellegence is appalling, as you do not know his educational background.

    Also if Mr Swineshead abuses his mod position and posts my email, it will piss me off no end as it clearly says that my email address will not be published. I do notice you did that to Scotty. Tut tut

  94. Cunt Says:

    Continuing, Napoleon it is very, very rude and obnoxious to link a trade, such as fast food worker, to being stupid. It may mean lacking in qualifications, certainly. But it does not mean stupid.

  95. piqued Says:

    Ever heard of spell check, Cunt…

    When you’ve grown up you may post on here, until then, your tea’s ready, it’s your favourite. Fish fingers chips and peas. Can you not eat with your mouth open… and elbows off the table…

    Aw, whose my big man, eh, eh, eh *smack*

  96. Swineshead Says:

    ‘Cunt’, your response is riddled with idiocy. Not worthy of a response beyond that.

  97. Sam Says:

    I’m 17, I’m able to type correctly and I love Two Pints.
    I didn’t read the entire essay, when i got to ‘chavvy types’ I couldn’t be bothered.
    No show is going to appeal to everyone but to have such a strong opinion on something I think you should have watched more than one episode.
    I think those that don’t like the show probably don’t like it because they find it…beneath them – too ‘chavvy’ – but it does appeal to more than just teenagers and young adults because my parents and grandparents find it hilarious too.

  98. Swineshead Says:

    I agree that the chav thing is an awkward generalisation… but enjoying TPAAPOC demonstrates a completely under-developed sense of humour.

  99. Napoleon Says:

    Cunt – my apologies for using the example of fast food workers to signify thick people. Anyone who tolerates being rewarded for their work with a gold star on a little wee badge in a way primary school children would be familiar with is a fucking genius, obviously.

  100. Sam Says:

    I don’t think so. People have different SOHs I wouldn’t call it having an under-developed one, some people find…Curb Your Enthusiasm hilarious, I don’t.

  101. Howelie 94 Says:

    To u Sad Fuckers out there, get a shittin sence of humour u borin little pricks! Two pints is well funny, its aimed for people who are teenagers, not sad bastards who are past there sel-by date and think what to put for a fucking essay about it! You sad BASTARDS!
    Dont like it? Switch it Fuckin over then! Burn in hell u stupid cunt!

  102. piqued Says:

    Death, over here, I’ve got one for you

  103. Dave Says:

    Must start by saying that don’t think the show is shit, but then I do smoke a lot of weed! Problem most people have with the show is how much its on. They get more air time than the PM. How? There is so much good comedy produced by BBC3 Monkey dust, snuff box, mighty boosh etc. so why doesn’t this get played more. Its better deeper and more wittty.

  104. Robin Says:

    directed here from the Guardian Gogarty flamefest. Got to say that the two pints fans come across than the detractors, bad grammar or no bad grammar.

  105. Robin Says:

    Oh, and mods posting someone’s email. Fucking bad form guys. Bad form.

  106. Swineshead Says:

    Robin – you’re flaming about flaming! Yowzers!

    I think Scotty deserved his email published, so fuck off.

  107. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Wow. I just found this. After my few weeks of pestering you lot after a chance bestumbling upon WWM. This is just brilliant. It took me until about half way down the page to realise that the pro-pint commenters were actually real people, not just unconvincingly concocted stereotypes. I didn’t realise such dregs had sufficiently evolved awareness to drag their hairy palms onto a keyboard.

    ‘Scotty’ was an excellent example. I presume that he left school at 16, which would make him 25. It’s amazing he’s lasted this long without sticking his finger in an electric socket out of curiosity (or as a superior form of entertainment to two pints etc…). ‘Something like 10 night clubs’ – I think he’s uncertain whether or not the former digit should be there.

    The 16 year old commenter was entertaining in that he is a prime example of your ‘misplaced vanity’. Doubtless he is considered terribly bright (top of the school maybe) because he got a B in Leisure and Tourism at GCSE. But I digress – the point is that, like the programme, these people are utterly depressing because they’ve all got a chip on their shoulder the size of China which will no doubt keep them ignorant for the rest of their blandly predictable lives as they gradually become armchairs, kept regular by soma-like repeats of tawdry shit such as TPOLAAPOC.

  108. Cranium Says:

    This is the funniest page I’ve read in ages. “Two Pints Of Shit And A Bucket Of Arseholes” is one of the nastiest insults my intelligence has ever endured but I do find some of its fans rather entertaining. Does anybody know where Scotty has gone? I’d like to keep abreast of his opinions on other subjects.

  109. The Tombstone Says:

    This is without a doubt the funniest discussion of an article I have read so far on here. Although I must point out I really enjoy Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps. I’m not an idiot, I’m not a chav and a lot of my friends enjoy it as well and some of those went to university, albeit with mickey mouse degrees. It’s just a funny show about stupid chavs, yeah it’s no Peep Show but I really do find it funny.

    And publishing a guys email address is never cool, regardless of how much a twat he is.

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