Big Brother 8, 10.7.07

by

 Pauline

It’s already getting boring. Too many people in the house for the stage we’re at, too much time invested in a fabricated relationship. And as for the ‘fake’ sub-plot for the week, it’s day one and we’ve already over-milked the bloody thing. The arrival of Pauline (or ‘Pooh’ as the housemates are expected to believe her nickname to be) was a vaguely interesting prospect at first until the BB producers, as ever, fucked the whole thing up.

On Friday the housemates were shown the video (as were viewers) of an Aussie housemate about to go in. She was fanciable too, which upped the ante. But only briefly, when it was revealed that she’s an actress working for Big Brother. But then we learned that she’s an actress from Swindon who can barely manage an Aussie accent, let alone fake a background spent in the antipodes.

By the time her entrance came halfway through last night’s show we laready knew that Carol was on to her, with chinny scarecrow Tracey following her lead. Even earlier than that, the supposed simpleton Charley (who is actually clearly a criminal mastermind) had twigged the possibility that this might all be a sham.

In the past, natural paranoia has ensured that contestants have accused other housemates of being moles. When Makosi was taking direction from Big Brother, the cry of MOLE went up so quickly that the house divided into two camps overnight. The point being, if this was to be successful, it might’ve been prudent to use and ACTUAL FUCKING AUSSIE in the lead role of Australian? Otherwise the game might be up on the first day when the actress was asked where in Australia she was from. Without any knowledge of the continent she replied ‘Wallah Wallah’. If you can call it a reply, it’s more just a moronic, four-syllable outburst thrown in the direction of Australasia. Throw in a real Aussie, I say, in the mole role and let her interfere properly with the housemate’s affairs without her having to muck about with alien intonations.

It reminds me of the time, a few series back, when a housemate in with the inspired idea of pretending to be Italian. Her accent was so shit she lasted 5 minutes in character and everyone else, bar none, thought she was a weirdo and voted her out at the next opportunity.

I feel for the girl, who in reality is one Thaila Zucchi. She’s had previous work on Balls of Steel, the living excretia on the sole of TV comedy and now she’s having to live through the agony of being the centrepiece of another cringeworthy Big Brother non-event. My prediction is that this will all be over by day three. Her accent keeps slipping at the end of a sentence like a kraft cheese slice flopping down a shop window.

I suppose we should thank heavens for small mercies, however, as the first half of yesterday’s show saw the phoney Chiggy and Zanelle romance grind to a halt. After watching their break up, any sympathy for either party has shrivelled to a brittle husk. You get together for pathetic reasons – he: thinking it’d bolster his chances of winning, she: wanting to be a sub level posh and becks on leaving – and then you’re suprised that you’re sick of each other within a fortnight?

From what I’ve heard, the Zacharia character is largely getting the blame for all this (apparently he put his willy in her – I didn’t see that episode so if anyone’s got a youtube link…). If he did bone her – more fool her (what did she expect from an ex-boyband wannabe surfer slimehat?). If he didn’t, then she’s a complete psycho, employing every tactic in the book to syphon sympathy from the ever-ready endless supply the other housemates keep tanked up. Either way, they’re both idiots.

Rather than taking sides, we’d probably be better off not encouraging this shit. But the addiction rolls on and on, and I’m at the point where I’m running out of veins, patience and sanity.

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8 Responses to “Big Brother 8, 10.7.07”

  1. Badger Madge Says:

    Channel is worse than Ziggy – she keeps whinging like a four-year-old. Very annoying.

    Pooh would be able to fake it if she stopped using typically English slang like ‘Madness’ etc. You’d think, with a few days preparation she’d have got a back-story sorted. Agree they should have sourced someone who can do a solid oz accent.

    Big Brother are fecking it up for her by getting her to do silly things like read left-overs etc. They’re just ruining what could have been a clever, interesting story line.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    Badger, I agree with you completely.

    Z / C fulfil every relationship cliche in the book, it made me done a yawns.

  3. Joe C Says:

    I can’t believe you still care.

    Poo indeed.

  4. Swineshead Says:

    Poo to you too.
    POO.

  5. Joe C Says:

    There’s no need for that.

    *nnnnggggghhhhh*
    (does poo)
    *runs away*

  6. Swineshead Says:

    *inspects poo*

    *tastes*

  7. Badger Madge Says:

    She’s bloody left now. They found her out. What was the point in all that then eh? Fucks sake…

  8. Swineshead Says:

    What a load of shit.
    Thanks for the update Ms Badger.

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