I think in the history of TV the MFI ads must stand as the worst pitched commercial advertising ever seen.
The three I’ve seen so far begin as if they’re an advert for The Samaritans / Childline / NSPCC / Sane etc., as they involve screaming matches between couples / families. Such is the vitriol of the performances they make for genuinely uncomfortable and, frankly, upsetting viewing.
The latest incarnation involves an elderly man being given both barrels by his screaming wife for not putting the toilet seat down. (If women put the fucking seat up after they’d been, none of this would happen, incidentally). The elderly man in question looks totally distraught as his spiteful cunt of a wife vents spleen in his face, to the point she seems just short of slamming his dick in the door and plucking off his balls.
It’s genuinely harrowing stuff and I was on the verge of tears when quite suddenly in walks an MFI rep walks in.
‘I see you’ve made yourselves at home already!’ he ‘quips’. The camera pans out and we discover that this whole argument has taken place in a showroom, yes, THAT’S how comfortable punters feel when in the lap of MFI goods, it means they carry on as if at home. Rowing. All of them having blistering fucking rows.
What does this tell us about MFI furniture? One thing only, that the people that buy it don’t just argue perpetually, they fucking hate living in the same house as each other to the point that it could easily end in a bloodbath, court and incarceration in prison or a high secure unit for the insane.
In order to redress the balance whilst maintaining the whole ‘made yourselves at home’ aspect I’d like you to indulge me with a more suitable version, if you don’t mind.
So, the scene opens with a man in his mid 20’s lifting up a short skirt of a pretty young brunette of the same age…
‘You fucking want it don’t you, you bitch’
‘Uh, fuck me daddy, fuck me where it hurts’
‘You fucking dirty whore…’ he says as he unzips his fly and gets out his throbbing tool.
‘Oh, fuck me so hard inside…’
Man spits on engorged weapon a shoves his member into her arsehole
‘Uh, you fucking like that don’t you. Bitch’
‘Make your balls slap hard against my cunt, daddy’
Man proceeds to bang away like a belt fed mortar.
Rep walks in
‘Jesus! I see you’ve made yourself at home’
Rep gets out dick and starts masturbating as he approaches the rutting pair.
We now have a dialogue free scene for a full 30 seconds punctuated by grunts and groans. Then suddenly…
‘I’m going to cum in your arse so fucking hard you’ll taste it (bitch)’
‘OH. MY GOD!’
The rep yells ‘Jesus fucking Christ’ and spunks all over the young ladies face just as the man withdraws his engine, shit flies out all over the mans thighs and whilst the rep is slapping his spent cock over her ecstatic face the man pisses over her back.
I was thinking that MFI could appear with each letter formed respectively of urine, semen and excretion?
Perhaps that’s pushing it a bit far.