Katie & Peter: The Baby Diaries

by

Sick and wrong 

Ok, before I get started I want to make it quite clear that even upon writing this article, I haven’t put myself through a whole episode of this series of self-indulgent hyper-cack, but then why would I? Just noticing that it exists is enough of an excuse to vent my spleen. And let’s face it, who needs to watch it? The content is irrelevant, if not self explanatory; It’s that fat-nosed, pregnant attention-whore Jordan lolling pointlessly about with her gargling elf of a husband poncing excitedly by her side like a neutered and bloated spaniel wagging his little trouser tail.

I confess however, that I watched a whole mind-shafting 15 minutes before coming to my senses and doing myself the favour of tuning out. In that I time I witnessed Katie Andre Jordan Price wobbling about to some music like a slaggish bouncy castle with her unborn child being ragged about inside. To complete this horror sequence, the outlandishly squat creature known as ‘Peter’ was frantically frotting himself against her baby-bearing frame like a randy adolescent at a school disco. No wonder her other fuck-trophy Harvey was born with his optic nerves detached after spending the best part of a year being rattled about like a galstone in a pig’s bladder.

Next, David Gest’s stupid apocalyptic fizzog appeared on screen to add an eerie supernatural effect to an already bizarre programme. I’m not sure quite what service he was offering, as I wasn’t paying the required attention. All I noticed was that his darkly robed body was looking like a priest’s fevered nightmare.

Finally, I saw the dozy tit-beast almost reduced to a pant-shitting due to what she descibed as her ‘needle-phobia’ during a visit to her G.P. Maybe having been breached by the Andre-needle once to often has provoked this reaction, or maybe she was afraid that one false move by the spike-weilding quack would have her tits wilting like a tramp’s cheap, flimsy, dirty, stinking, cum-spattered lilo that’s been snagged on a skanky bit of bone in a butcher’s doorway.

Among these sequences there was plenty of equally meaningless footage which was so damaging to the intellect I was afraid my frontal lobe may begin to bleed at any time. I can honestly say that having a big dump leaves me feeling more entertained than viewing the activities of this pair of village idiots.

Their careers seem to consist of fly-on-the-wall type glimpses into the day-to-day workings of their own careers. Careers which incidentally, would not exist without such public attention upon the supposed ‘careers’ in the first place. So really, the careers don’t even actually exist. If it wasn’t so annoyingly ridiculous it would be genius. I cannot begin to grasp the point of the programme from a viewers perspective and struggle to imagine anyone out there actually caring about these substance-free parasites, or what happens to them. What do folk gain from watching shit such as this? I doubt viewers are tuning in because they can’t wait to hear what Peter Andre says next. And if you’re a sad loner watching in the hope of getting an eyeful of some good ol’ jug action then you’ll be disappointed. It’s not even good for a wank unless you’re keen on shuffling one out over a fully-clothed, sprog-hauling, has-been cock-charmer.

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

34 Responses to “Katie & Peter: The Baby Diaries”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6913310.stm

    How lovely.

  2. Napoleon the penis-faced General Says:

    I thought of a doing similar thing for my own daughter. Sadly, my mother’s name is Shitorella and the other half’s is Bagatina. Rellatiiina just didn’t seem appropriate … so we called her Cuntscraggernagger.

  3. Badger Madge Says:

    If I put my mum’s name with Mr Badger’s name it makes Whore-een (Maureen and Heather).

  4. shereen Says:

    hi ya katie and peter i love you both and you make a good couple u really do

  5. shereen Says:

    will u send me an emal please and i hope ur children are ok there all lovely

  6. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    That’s not fucking serious is it? It’s not is it? Is it?

  7. Proudfoot Says:

    Is it me, or are there more fucking morons viewing this site than ever before?

  8. piqued Says:

    wot r triing 2 say prowdfeet

  9. Proudfoot Says:

    Shit, don’t tell me they’ve got to you too?
    Fuck! We’re all doomed.

  10. piqued Says:

    tur key

    twiz ler

    yum

    yum

    *beep*

  11. Heather Says:

    how fantastic… i loved watchin jordon and peter there a great couple.

  12. Proudfoot Says:

    Heather – STOP IT!

  13. piqued Says:

    Heather, it’s ‘they’re a great couple’, you tit

  14. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I’m thinking of starting a website called Was Eugenics SUCH A Bad Idea?

  15. J.Bizzle Says:

    What kind of person says those things about a handicapped child. You are a sick, miserable person, and you are a terrible writer. Your opinion might be taken seriously if you left out the cum references and the pot shots at children.

  16. Swineshead Says:

    All that’s been said is that the child was born blind.
    Read it again and switch your brain on.

  17. Alyssa Says:

    I love Katie & Peter!!!
    They’re a GREAT couple together…all of you guys that are hating on them are just jealous because your old, fat, ugly, & lonely people!!
    So get over it!!
    I love Katie she is my idol<3
    And i plan to play “A Whole New World” at my wedding
    I always stand up for them =)
    Love,
    Alyssa

  18. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Alyssa
    You’re a fucking moron!!!
    You live your life through other people! You read pointless magazines full of celebrities, not realising that the amount of time you spend adoring them is not reciprocated!!! You’re so dumb you don’t know what reciprocated means!!!!!!! I can probably guarantee that, though undoubtedly young, you’re just as fat, lonely, and ugly as we are!!!!!!!!
    Katie may be your idol, but you certainly aint hers sweetheart! If you tried to get near her to tell her how much of your time you waste loving her, you’d be wrestled to the ground by her security staff!!!! You’re shit on her shoe – understand???
    You’re playing a bad quality version of a dire Disney song at your wedding!!! This makes people laugh at you!!!! You’re officially tacky!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Try standing up for someone else idiot!
    Love
    BPP
    Love
    BPP

  19. piqued Says:

    Alyssa

    You’ve forced me to break cover et[ouihjia\#g[eq>L

    It is I, I am Katie aka Jordan hser,]w690

  20. piqued Says:

    …sorry about the weird letters and numbers in my last post, my plastic tits keep falling on the fucking keyboard tqejk5hy8-j9,[vwd/

  21. proudfoot Says:

    Alyssa, I can honestly say that I am not jealous of Katie and Peter. Why would anyone be jealous of a mentally inadequate couple of sideshow freaks?
    Get a life, you arse.

  22. Tiffany Wall Says:

    Why are you hating ……. Your probably a short ugly little jerk off who couldn’t get a women if you tried! Don’t hate on a beautiful couple!

  23. piqued Says:

    Tiffany, you presumptuous slattern, pray tell, what’s beautiful about looking like a beardless man, having tits like beach balls and the character of a skid mark?

    That Jordan’s a right cunt too.

  24. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Beautiful? Which one? The pneumatic, dead-eyed spunk depository or the two-foot, talentless toad?

  25. Angeloonies Says:

    I think that these guys put themselves out there in a positive way. She is genuine and in a way that hollywood seems to overlook. Hollywood wants to make them look like fake people but how dare you judge them. They may have money and all but if your child was disabled how would you feel if you were blamed for something that wasn’t under your control?

  26. Angeloonies Says:

    I totally agree

  27. Gilbert Wham Says:

    “Was Eugenics SUCH A Bad Idea?”

    No. No, it wasn’t.

  28. jodie Says:

    to whoever wrote that nasty tidbit shame on you you bon bon stuffing fat whore who can’t get any and wish you looked like either one of them. shame on you for even having the gull to say anything about a child with a disability. hope that the packof wolfs that raised your pig ass will sw=marten up and eat you alive. you must like being so full of hate, you must be the lonely loser blogging about people that don’t give two shits about your meek exhistance.

  29. hue Says:

    can i just say whoever has enough time to write that much crap about Katie and Peter is just SAD. Do you honestly not have anything better to think about???? You must have so much bitterness wrapped up in you I guess its not just this couple you take it out on!! why don’t you spend your time on getting yourself mentally better than getting futher wrapped up in your what only seems to be jealousy and hatred for other peoples happiness……Did anyone even read past the first paragraph??

  30. Napoleon Says:

    Friends o’ yours are they?

  31. claire Says:

    hey kaite i think you are amazing i love your children they are so cute peter is a fit lad lol and you are so pretty lol i wish i was your child you do well xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx plz write back xxxxxxxxxxxx

  32. piqued Says:

    Dear Claire.WLEAOL….sorry my whacking great plastic globes keep landing on the fucking keyboard fank;gp#tdlkjgf

    Than ks for yourqg.lntmg kind words dawfgesjrh
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxacnkdsg,fgli;regtwejkhl,k.lk/;kjhgfdswx

  33. Clarys Says:

    “plz write back”

    Shit, these just get better.

  34. plaztik nooka Says:

    moronic splendure

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: