BBC News – The Great Flood

by

Floods 

The BBC news comes from Gloucester, up to its neck in water. Look! There’s George Aligiah in his welly-boots, being all grim-faced as he informs the public of this disaster. Hey! There’s not one, not two, but three outside broadcasts from flood-damaged parts of the country.

Hold up! Another report from Richard ‘Voice Goes Down At The End’ Bilton, valiantly battling against the tides in his tractor as he surveys what has become of proud Oxfordshire? Another one? And who’s this? Why! ‘Tis Hew Edwards, the BBC’s top news gun anchorman, up to his nuts presenting a BBC special report – nationwide – braving the elements to bring us up-to-date coverage of the deluge that threatens the Thames valley. Move over Supervets … storm’s a-coming on the portside bow and we have a duty to tell the nation – prime time, BBC1.

Oh thank fuck! It’s Feargal Keane, the BBC’s suitably sombre-sounding war correspondent, home at last to tell all about the mess the river Severn’s gawn ‘n’ left behind … ‘specially in Tewkesbury, poor, beleagured Tewkesbury.

Now, is my memory failing me, or did the self-same thing happen two weeks ago in Hull, Sheffield, and Rotherham – to name but a few? And wasn’t the coverage of this equally destructive event mainly broadcast on Look North by Olympics Ice Dancing commentator Harry Graition and the orange Christa Ackroyd? Did they cancel Supervets? Did the north get it’s own nationwide special? Or five different reports on the same day on the main evening news bulletin?

Is there (surely not?) a double-standard going on here? Is this coverage we’re getting nationwide happening, perchance, because the South has taken one on the chin? I wouldn’t want you to think there’s a conspiracy born of the fact that the television you see is made by people who live in a city in the south-east corner of this island … but it’s odd isn’t it? It’s odd that I now know a pointless little town like Tewkesbury has a Toby Carvery, but can’t for the life of me remember seeing any footage of what the city of Hull endured (until the good people of Hull started complaining that no-one had pointed out their city had been washed away, that is). Isn’t this all very strange?

Funny old world, eh?

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21 Responses to “BBC News – The Great Flood”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    Didn’t more people die up north as well?

    Trouble up mill?

  2. Rosszszsss Says:

    Well said, sir.

    *goes to work down flooded pie mine*

  3. Napoleon the penis-faced General Says:

    A 14 year old got swept to his death in a park just down from me and a bloke died trapped in a storm drain … still not enough to cancel Supervets.

  4. Badger Madge Says:

    I’m glad they cancelled Supervets. Maybe Ch4 could do the same with Richard and Judy?

    Funny how northerners notice things like the north/south divide, whereas southerners notice the south/London divide: this morning they were reporting from Oxfordshire (where I was brought up – proud indeed, tsk tsk!) and the reporters said there were fears the floods could sweep to Reading, Slough and – god forbid – Windsor. Gawd, not Windsor, anything but Windsor. Fuck Oxford with its centuries of history and beauty and culture – not to mention the fact that it used to be the capital city of our ever shrinking isle. No, let’s worry about Reading, Slough and some village where the Queen has one of her many castles, shall we?

    Ahem. I need a stiff drink.

  5. Clarys Says:

    Sounds about right. Obviously there was lots of coverage of t’north on our relevant “regional” news programmes, but nothing like what we’re seeing now covering the South. I keep hearing how nobody can flush their toilets, how they are having to wash with a flannel, or that a bloke had to go to eleven shops before he could some bottled water. Well, fuck me sideways, isn’t that exactly what had been happening in Hull, Doncaster, etc? Oh of course, when it happens Dahn Sarf it’s so much more important. Humph.

    Quite a few people did indeed die with the floods further north – three kids were killed in the Midlands alone when a river near Derbyshire (I think) broke it’s banks.

  6. Swineshead Says:

    Hang on – are we getting the North confused with the Midlands here? I’m from Lincolnshire but don’t consider myself Northern.

  7. Clarys Says:

    Oh no no, that’s just me being me – Stoke on Trenters are a strange hybrid. I should have said I meant that what happened in the North/top end of the Midlands didn’t acquire the same coverage as the South is at the moment. Plus, where I live at the moment (most definitely the Midlands) still gets news from oop North. Sorry, my fault for lack of clarity there.

  8. piqued Says:

    Anything south of Watford is ‘Northern’ yeah

  9. Swineshead Says:

    No need to apologise Clarys…

  10. Badger Madge Says:

    Piqued, I agree, anything north of Birmingham is north for me (sorry)…

  11. Natalie Diamond Says:

    Anthing north of the watford Gap!!! Yep fair point about the news coverage, but isnt that just because the whole country is becoming flooded and its now becoming more like an emergency. Nah, your right its cause its hitting more affluent counties.

    Natz

  12. Darryl Says:

    Are you self-centered moron’s really arguing about what is shown on TV while people are losing everything they own?!? Get off you arses and help you useless arseholes. North/South divide? The only North/South divide I can see is between your heads and your hearts.If you really want to do something useful with your sad little lives,find out what you can do to help people who have been affected by the recent weather conditions. If I could, I’d drag you out of your houses by your hair and have you making sand bags.So much for ‘Northerners’ being stereotypically warm hearted and welcoming – you can’t even begin to imagine that anyone might be suffering more than you are right now.When your life floats away on a tide of raw sewage,who will you demand help from?

  13. Swineshead Says:

    Good to see you’re helping out Darryl, and not making idle threats online in your pokey little hovel.

    Oh.

  14. Darryl Says:

    You are free to come and join the rescue efforts you pathetic twat.Another van leaves on Tuesday with toys and bedding.I was looking for a map of the affected areas and found your mind numbingly crass debate about what’s on TV in the North.Get off your arse,help or be guilty of hypocrisy.Useless twat.

  15. Swineshead Says:

    How would it be hypocritical of me to not join in the efforts? And stop calling me a twat. Funnily enough I’ve got a job to hold down and rent to pay, so I won’t be helping the efforts, I believe the army are doing that and though they’ll miss me, I’m sure they’ll do a good job. Suggest you don’t go along to help either, you sound like a fucking liability.

    Twat.

  16. piqued Says:

    Darryl, it’s not my fauly DEFRA ignored your hovel. Fuck off

  17. Napoleon the penis-faced General Says:

    I would be interested to find out whether Darryl jumped in his van a month ago to help those in Toll Bar affected by the floods. If he didn’t, he’s worse than the Nazis. And the Huns, Lombards, and the KGB. In fact, if he didn’t get up off his arse and start filling sandbags the moment he learnt Rotherham was on its arse, he’s the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler.

  18. Vernon Says:

    I’ve lived in North/South/East & West and I think I’m now qualified to say that there are useful & useless people in all areas of this once Great Britain which is steadily going down the pan, seems the only time we really pull together is during an emergency such as flood or war and even then there are those that simply won’t. You know who you are you people who have rinsed out your mops in water bowsers and pissed in them etc- Morons.

  19. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Vernon’s got a point. I’m horribly suspicious that, had I been alive during World War II, I’d have spent my time selling petrol coupons on the black market instead of giving Mr. Hitler what for. Either that or I’d have ended up in the SS or something equally traitorous and not on.

  20. Matt Says:

    Ooh, you don’t wanna go to Toll Bar. Actually, Darryl you might.

  21. Gilbert Wham Says:

    I am from Newcastle, and have had occasion to travel up and down this country many a time. I have never, in all these peregrinations, had sight or or sound of this ‘Hull’ of which you speak.

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