Clearblue – Digital


When a man loves a lady very much, he gets a strange urge to put his winky in her lady-bits. If you do this at the right time of the month you get the lady ‘with child’ – which means she gets large and eats more. After nine more months a baby pops out, which is the signal that all fun has stopped and you have to start wearing cardigans and talking about mortgages.

With this threat facing people every day, you need to have a test to see if a lady has been brought low, to let you know if trouble is on the way. This is probably so you can change your name and flee the country.

Clearblue are doing the world a service by making one of those sticks that the lady pees on to tell if she is up the duff – and boy are they proud of it.

A computer generated model of the device sweeps across the screen, while vaguely Star Wars-ish music plays in the background and a booming voice says:

“It has arrived, the next generation of pregnancy test”.

He then rambles on about how ace this test is and how it is the besterest test ever, then he says my favourite line.

“It’s without a doubt the best piece of technology you will ever pee on”.

That’s quite a claim you know. I’m a boy, we pee everywhere, especially when we are outside. What makes the line more dangerous, is that it’s delivered like a challenge.

This advert is a slap in the face for every man who has ever dreamed of widdling on an Xbox or a wah wah pedal. They’re saying that even if you get cryogenically frozen for a 1,000 years in the future you won’t get to piss on anything more technologically brilliant than this.

Well fuck you Clearblue, I’m off to pee on a jet, then I’m going to Japan to wee on a robot.

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5 Responses to “Clearblue – Digital”

  1. Dave Medlo Says:

    I pissed on a genetically modifed soldier dolphin last year, got it right in it’s eye and everything. Apparently that dolphin was worth about $5,000,000 – can anyone beat that?

  2. JonR Says:

    how much is a train worth? a friend of mine once relieved himself without getting out of his seat.

  3. Anonymous (But you might be able to guess) Says:

    I pissed in the Chapter House of Lincoln Cathedral once. I reckon I trump you Dave because you just damaged an expensive dolphin. I, on the other hand, sullied a national monument, brought shame upon myself and my family, and, worst of all, sinned against Almighty God by using His house as a urinal. I’m going to Hell for wot I done Dave – HELL I SAY!

  4. Swineshead Says:

    *waits for someone to talk about golden shower misadventures*

  5. piqued Says:

    Well, I…


    *runs off*

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