Singing With The Enemy

by

I don’t know if, like me, you’ve ever mislaid the synapse that gets your brain and body working after too much two-quid plonk. I often find, in that state of mind, it’s a challenge to focus on the buttons of a remote control and you end up watching any old shit. Shit like Singing With The Enemy, a reality show in which two bands (both of whom will make you sit up shouting “never heard of ’em”) are managed by a famous manager (“never heard of him”) and made to collaborate on a one-off single. The point is that the bands are complete opposites. A hip hop collective might be expected to record with a gay cabaret act perhaps. Or, as I witnessed through waves of drunken nausea in the early hours of Sunday morning, they might pair a godawful ‘punk’ band with a technically able but woefully out of touch Christian hardcore group.

This was really, really poor programming which may, just possibly have succeeded were either band even moderately well known. Or if the hotshot Manager was a recognised face. Sadly I can’t remember his credentials but the fact is it doesn’t matter, as his only input was to turn up every other day, swear a bit and tell either band to buck their ideas up before claiming the ‘success’ of the final recording as his own when the conclusion happily stumbled into view.

The first band was Paparazzi Whore, a name which was either born out of their sense of irony or via simple wishful thinking. I doubt the paparazzi will ever allow The PWs to whore themselves in any shape or form as their music is completely terrible. The band’s rhythm section is made up of two long-haired, scared teenagers who, to their infinite credit, kept their mouths shut throughout as they sat in the midst of arguments looking far too cool to get involved. The lead guitarist was an early-40s ex punk who looked just that little bit too old for all this. They were finished off with two singers. For singers, read ‘shouters’ or ‘low moaners’. The guitarist’s girlfriend, Micci, thought herself to be an anarchistic sex pot with the look to match. In actuality she was about as edgy as a spherical Alan Titmarsh and looked like that male model who used to front Menswear.

Her partner on the mic was Suzy, apparently her bit on the side in real life, a dreadlocked crustie whose look was about ten years out of date. The Levellers have all got tidy haircuts these days – apart from the idiot who played bass – and I reckon Swampy’s probably a recruitment consultant by now. Suzy was even worse than Micci in the vocal area, incapable of carrying a tune and even when shouting lacking any form of menace. Perhaps sensing her complete pointlessness, Suzy left the band by the end of the show.

The ‘story’ aspect to the show was shaped around Suzy’s exit. Dweeb, the Christian rock group who they were due to work with, apparently showed her the light when lead singer Tim read from the Bible midway through the bands set. Tim is a risible, untrustworthy dickhead who is one of those types who, though unqualified to even preach, thinks they’re the second coming. He’s a David Koresh in waiting. Either that or just a cheesy born-again speck of idiocy from Coventry who, if he should ever read this, would smugly forgive me for bad-mouthing him, wrongly thinking that being platitudinous and forgiving would make him instantly better than me and would earn an extra stamp on his passport to paradise.

What kind of name is ‘Dweeb’ for a band anyway? It raises the hackles even thinking about it. The fact they put brackets round it try in order to try and make it somehow different smacks of even more fervent desperation. To add to all these problems, their music is slick, Chilli Peppers-lite rubbish, so contrived it’s not even worth remarking on how unremarkable it is.

The Christians lapsed into self-parody on a number of occasions. When Paparazzi Whore brought strippers on the stage in their gig early on, (bringing brief visual interest to a show dominated by goon-faces) the Dweeb boys left the floor and went to the bar with their colas, discussing their commitment to god and refusing to ogle boobies like any self-respecting, red-blooded male should. One of them spoke behind his gingery sheepdog curls to camera stating that it would be wrong to look at the stage as he’s engaged and he didn’t want to disrespect his fiance by becoming involved in temptation. Struck me as odd. They were strippers, stripping in public, not paid up prostitutes attempting to envelop him in their pre-paid holes.

Their prayer-meetings were also unintentionally amusing. Watching teenagers pray, decked out in T Shirts and jeans, with wacky haircuts and skater trainers is odd. Where their peers would be talking about Beastie Boys rarities or Tony Hawk’s ollies and grinds, these chaps nattered about, like, how incredibly awesome the holy spirit is, yeah? as though they were showing off new pegs on their BMX. It just made them look incredibly phoney.

The final outcome was that the bands recorded a pile of drivel together, something about how the listener should believe in whatever it is they believe in and respect what other people believe too. Which is a bit wishy washy. It also suggests we should respect those who believe in Jihadi terrorism. Or ritual sacrifice. Or enforced abortion. Or all kinds of things. The vocals were appalling, needless to say – Tim Dweeb totally overegged the pudding, wailing like a banshee over Micci’s tuneless rumbling. When they gathered together to play it live, with Suzy watching in the wings, the sense that everyone had just wasted a couple of weeks of their lives was tangible with Suzy potentially about to waste the rest of her life hanging out with a bunch of born again berks.

You can hear their collaborative effluents here, if masochism’s your kink.

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103 Responses to “Singing With The Enemy”

  1. Dave Medlo Says:

    Dear God, I wish I’d seen that. Sounds absolutely wonderful.

    Oh yeah, as is this custom with comment leaving: FIRST!

  2. Swineshead Says:

    It was terrible. Do go and have a look at the clip, just so you know what I went through.

  3. jasonspaced Says:

    *waits for thread to deteriorate into a slanging match between piqued and Napoleon over apostrophe placing, Bernards’ Matthew’s and whether piqued is a Hooray Henry or not – there’s an awesome exchange between the pair of them over on piqued.co.uk regarding milking Nigella Lawson that made me laugh tea out of my nose this morning*

    Um, anyway – I didn’t see the telly programme but I will watch the clip.

  4. Swineshead Says:

    You are one of the lucky ones.
    And as for the Piqued / Napoleon udder dispute, I read that on Friday.
    A DISGRACE.

  5. Dave Medlo Says:

    Oh yeah. I see what you mean.
    Still wish I’d seen it, I love Christians…

  6. Shaun Says:

    Without doing any further research into either band, do you not think it somewhat presumptuous to assume anything about their music? I hardly think the 10 seconds of each band shown is enough to form an opinion on.

    You obviously paid no attention to any other apect of the show. You got the bassist and guitarist the wrong way round. The ‘manager’ is in fact a PRODUCER (although I confess I’d never heard of him either). Erm.. arguments? Also, one of the ‘teenagers’ is 24.

    Have you not realised that not everything you see on TV is not neccessarily real? If you don’t think creative editing is prevalent in so called reality TV, the you’re slightly naive.

    Rather than sitting at your computer typing your vitriolic drivel, perhaps you should get out into the world and create something yourself. I’ll play the part of you and pay no attention to any of it, but give it an eloquent smearing of verbal dung anyhow.

    Hurrumph, I don’t know. They’ll let any old idiot loose in the media these days. /irony

  7. Swineshead Says:

    Oh, Shaun. My poor fool.

    Having heard what either band had to say about themselves, their manifestos, if y’like, I’m pretty much decided that they have nothing to offer me. Add to the fact that the goon called ‘Micci’ is tone deaf and her pal Suzy is a shouting wastrel, my view is confirmed. And Dweeb are so hopelessly out of touch I can’t even form an opinion on them. All that Christian nonsense – it’s a load of shit, frankly.

    I got the bassist and the guitarist the wrong way round?! Oh, sweet Christ! Apocalypse is surely now just around the corner?! The Manager is actually a Producer?! OH FUCKING HELL! That changes my opinion of every aspect of the show!

    They ‘creatively edit’ reality TV?! LIES, surely? I was entirely unaware of this! They probably swapped individual words around so that Dweebs’ prayers were changed completely! Every sentence they said was a misrepresentation! When they said ‘if we’re bringing her closer to a Christian faith, then that’s a great bonus’ Dweeb Singer wasn’t being a complete cunt, his words had been subtly manipulated! I SEE THE LIGHT.

    Ok Shaun, let’s take a little look at my OPENING sentence. That’s the one I started with. The first one you read, ok?

    ‘I don’t know if, like me, you’ve ever mislaid the synapse that gets your brain and body working after too much two-quid plonk. I often find, in that state of mind, it’s a challenge to focus on the buttons of a remote control and you end up watching any old shit.’

    Two quid plonk – that suggests I was pissed doesn’t it? Eh? So forgive me for not taking notes during this shower of shit, I was pissed and thought I’d amuse myself by writing this article. I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy it, but in terms of getting yourself out there ‘and creating something yourself’, lets see what you have to offer? I suspect you’re an unpaid roadie for Pap Whore, defending your unrequited beloved Micci online in the wee small hours whilst whacking off using tears as lubricant.

    As for the phrase ‘verbal dung’, that juxtaposition of words is, in itself, ‘verbal dung’. So congratulations on the unintended irony.

    In short – get yourself fucked. /no irony.

  8. Shaun Says:

    Hit a raw nerve? Why is it that that the most venomous critics get the most riled when criticised?

    It is fine to spout hatred at everyone and call the whole world to be at fault for not being up to your high standards isn’t it? However, you don’t seem to like it when the slightest critcism is made of you.

    Here’s a tip, never do anything creative… ever. I don’t think you could handle the criticism. Just keep to what you good at, whatever it is.

    x

  9. Swineshead Says:

    Raw nerve? Don’t flatter yourself Shauny, son. I just enjoyed mocking your criticism. You accused me of not watching closely when you clearly hadn’t read my article closely. Pots and kettles and all that palaver.

    Besides which, you’re criticisng me for barbed criticism whilst simultaneously calling my output ‘verbal dung’, which is a tad hypocritical. I notice you didn’t respond to any of the points I picked you up on. Because you’re unable to, n’doubt.

    Goon.

  10. Shaun Says:

    See there we go again. On the offensive.

    Tsk tsk. Someone must have an amazingly fragile ego.

    All I wanted was rational debate, too bad I can’t have it with the likes of you.

    p.s. Look up metaphor in the dictionary PLEASE!

    🙂

  11. Swineshead Says:

    No you didn’t, you wanted to troll a website because you’re a fan of one of the above bands. Christ knows why, they’re both terrible.

    I know what a metaphor is, I know what a terrible metaphor is too – your ‘verbal dung’ being one of them. Goon.

  12. Shaun Says:

    If I had indeed wanted to troll, I don’t think I could have done a better job of it.

    Hint: the easiest way to avoid trolling is to not get riled at everyone who dares to disagree.

    I’m actually in one of the bands and wanted my say is all. Too bad it fell on deaf (pissed?) ears.

    My original point stands. You aren’t in command of enough facts to make any informed opinion on either band. What you saw on the program was someone else’s opinion, twisted through the sensationalisermatron 3000.

    Do some research before shooting off your mouth please.

    p.s. wipe your mouth too… there’s brown smudge 😉

  13. Swineshead Says:

    Aha! You’re Shaun of Paparazzi Whore!

    Forgive everything I’ve said, that means you’re now officially famous – so I am in thrall of you.

    I actually went easy on you in the article, you little bastard. You and the drummer are the only two who came out of it looking alright – why don’t you start your own band – let’s face it, that Micci and her bloke (nice chap though he seemed) are a bit past it…

    Also – I’m fully aware those shows twist the truth to the nth degree, that’s why I don’t make the completely idiotic step of appearing on one! Serious question – why (oh why) did you do it?*

    *I’ll bet it was Micci’s idea

  14. Shaun Says:

    We went into the show fully understanding the possible consequences. We’re in a band, a professional one. To continue to be in said band we need money. To do that we need to sell ourselves by playing gigs, selling cds etc etc.

    All of the possible negatives of reality tv were overshadowed by the exposure we would recieve. Which can be used to propagate ourselves.

    I was only quiet because they didn’t put in any of my comments, leaving more room for the Micci/Suzy storyline.

    As for starting my own band, I have put my entire life into this band. I’m not going anywhere. Micci is my friend also, she is none of the things you have described her as.

    Don’t know where you are from, but consider coming to one of our gigs. Meet us, talk to us and watch/listen to us play. If you still don’t like us then, hey no problems. Like I said, everyone is entitled to an opinion.

    x

    p.s. Not sure if it came across on the show, but we actually said we don’t care what you believe in or do as long as everyone consents and no-one gets hurt… Jihadi terrorism has the tendancy to hurt people.

  15. Swineshead Says:

    No worries, I might just do that. The conversation might have taken a different turn if you hadn’t posted anonymously in your first couple of comments.

  16. piqued Says:

    Cool, lets all fuck

  17. Swineshead Says:

    Only if Dweeb are playing ball – I imagine that Tim is a fisting supremo.

  18. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    And Swineshead’s thunder is hobbled by the revelation that this little turd’s in one of the shit bands he ranted about. Well done Swineshead, you spineless goon.

    Shaun – I thought your band was a talentless waste of time. I know for a fact we’d never feature a shower of shit such as yourselves in the rock mag I work for – you’re just not good enough, old son. I suggest you stop typing your own band’s name into the internet, you egostistical little shithouse, and use the time to try coming up with some decent material.

    Right! I’m off to ‘create’ some stuff now. Feel free to criticise, by the way. As a man who’s had his work up for public scrutiny since before you were sucking on an umbilical cord, I reckon I can just about handle it.

  19. Swineshead Says:

    Spineless am I? Why I oughta…

    *falls out of chair into a jelly-heap due to lack of central backbone*

  20. Shaun Says:

    Hohoho ageism… lovely

    Isn’t it fitting that the internet, a huge index of porn, is also full of cunts.

    Talentless? Surely to be in a band requires even the smallest amount of talent, dickless.

    As for my googling habits… that’s between me and my browser 😉

  21. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    “Surely to be in a band requires even the smallest amount of talent, dickless”

    Really?

    The Village People, Boney M, Atomic Kitten, The Osmonds, The Bay City Rollers, Boyzone, A-1, Kajagoogoo, Bananarama, 5ive, The Pussycat Dolls, The Partridge Family, Westlife, The Funboy Three, S-Club Seven, The Nolan Sisters, Charles ‘n’ Eddie, etc, etc, etc.

    Surely to be in a band requires absolutely no talent whatsoever?

    Think before you type, young shaver.

  22. piqued Says:

    looks like the fuck is off then, blast

  23. fletchamstead Says:

    Napolean you buffoon!!

    Are you suggesting there is no talent in pussycatdolls, atomic Kitten or S club 7? are you blind man? “talent”‘s about the only thing they’ve got!

    Come to think of it… the statement was ‘even the smallest amount of talent’ so to be pedantic… and it appears we are… you’re being an argumentative twit.

    those bands have sold millions of records and as such would be classified as ‘popular’, nay, in some cases ‘classic’.. Therefore, just because you don’t like a song/band doesn’t mean it’s crap, doesn’t mean it won’t sell and doesn’t mean it is talentless. I wouldn’t expect anything less from a bragging ‘rock journalist’ who apparently gets paid for his idiotic opinion.

    Stop throwing the toys out of the pram and realise that your opinion, yes even the one they publish in your ‘rock rag’, don’t mean bugger all.

    My subjective opinion is your a dick.

    Fletch

  24. ben Says:

    well i regularly watch this show and the point is that you havent heard of the bands, im sorry they’ve never been in the charts, so of course stupid zombies of people automaticly shrug them off.

    Also the whole point of the show is that they mix genres that arnt supposed to mix. So your point is moot.

    I enjoy this show for many reasons, i get to see different types of music that are outside my usual. Pure entertainment since most of the crazy people on the show make me laugh to name a few.

    The show is as much about the different personalitys of the band members then the music itself. It is what reality tv should be like, i dont watch Big Brother, Stricly Come Danceing, Xfactor or any of those shows but i do watch this.. simply because its hilarious. All the people in it have extreme characters which make it fun and interesting to watch. Its also a message that people of different musical tastes can get along because music is music.

    “What kind of name is ‘Dweeb’” do you live in a cave? 90% of band names are complete dribble and just as dumb

    and also you go on about how they are “christian parodys”.. well thats there views and i found it interesting finding out about them. Just because thats not how you live your life doesnt mean other people do live like that.

    i could go on for hours, but in truth theres not much point. You watched one episode and have commented on the whole series , which is just stupid. So clearly for some reason you hate the show due to some past trauma or maybe you just decided to ahev a go at something.

    this show is great and everyone has to see the episode with the band “Amputed” and girl band “fallen angelz” that was bloody hilarious!

  25. piqued Says:

    Ben, would you shut up you silly little tool

  26. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Fletch

    Tits ‘n’ ass aren’t talent, shitbag. If they were Jenna Jameson would be running for president. Therefore, ergo, my point still stands.

    As for your grumbling rock journo comments … did they turn down your weighty appraisal of the Pussycat Dolls over at Mojo? Metal Hammer not biting your hand off to commission an Atomic Kitten feature? Ah well, I’ll have fries with that, chief.

    And if my opinions don’t mean bugger all, son, why are you getting so worked up about them?

  27. piqued Says:

    Christ, we don’t half get some fucking twats on here

  28. Fletchamstead Says:

    tits ‘n’ ass aren’t talent? oh dear. If you’d just said you were gay to start with I would have taken a completely different tact with you. I humbly apologise. I didn’t realise you were a receiver of swollen goods.

    worked up? Hahahaha! Hadn’t you better go and write some more small minded twattetry before anybody realises what a pretentious tosser you are?

  29. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Hey Fletch!

    When in doubt, accuse ’em of being gay, eh? Well done! I’ll have to remember that the next time I can’t be bothered with wit.

    And yes, you are getting worked up by my pretentious tossery and worthless opinions. They’ve turned you into a right twattet.

  30. Fletchamstead Says:

    twattet? sounds like you’re suggesting I’m your cheerleader? no no.

    Napolean, you have a fascination with male ‘bits’ (look at your name dear chap) and have no appreciation for ‘talent’. What other conclusion is there? You are a raging Hom. Frankly, I’m disgusted that you find in an insult, Not very P.C. is it…

    ‘next time I can’t be bothered with wit’? Maybe you should let me know when you start using it.

    Fletch.

  31. piqued Says:

    “If you’d just said you were gay to start with I would have taken a completely different tact with you. I humbly apologise. I didn’t realise you were a receiver of swollen goods.”

    And here, Fletch, you’ve just told the world you treat homosexuals ‘differently’ to heterosexuals, made a derisive comment a the expense of male homosexuality and in doing show shown yourself to be a hypocritical and bigoted little arsehole.

    Fuck off.

  32. Fletchamstead Says:

    Hey, napoleon, I think you just found your twattet.

    Is it truely derisive to suggest that knowing a man doesn’t find women sexually attractive I would not have suggested he did? or is that just common sense? hmm..

    hypocritical and biggoted I may be, but little? no, no. Lets get things into perspective. mr ‘Cool, lets all fuck’. At least I have an opinion. You poor sod, you must be so tired from jumping on the bandwagon you’ve finally lashed out in exhaustion..

    Just for the record, thankfully you’ve never seen my arsehole but if that was a veiled attempt to ask me out. I decline.

    now, who’s the one getting all riled?

    Fletch

  33. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Fletch

    It’s pointless trying to argue with someone who believes he’s being clever, yet constructs a sentence with all the clumsy grammatical skills of a twelve-year-old boy. How is it possible to enter into a serious discussion with an idiot who writes this …?

    “Is it truely derisive to suggest that knowing a man doesn’t find women sexually attractive I would not have suggested he did? or is that just common sense?”

    Never mind common sense, how’s about trying to MAKE sense?

    Oh! And just for the record, capital letters traditionally appear at the start of the first word of a sentence, there’s no ‘e’ in ‘truly’, and ‘bigoted’ isn’t spelled ‘biggoted’. I could carry on, but I know you ADHD kids have a short attention span and I wouldn’t want to wear you out or get you any more frustrated than you already are.

  34. piqued Says:

    Fletch

    Felch

  35. Fletch Says:

    Oh no! you’ve pointed out my grammar, ARGG.. I’m melting….

    Hold on! You’re not correcting my grammar whilst starting a sentence with a conjunction are you? tut tut.

    ‘How is it possible to enter into a serious discussion with an idiot who writes this …?’ – Just so you know, I can’t take your points seriously. You write abusive and onboxious posts, similar in style (if not grammatically) to my own.

    taste. Medicine. Own. Dickweed.

    The point still stands that you’re woeful arrogance with all things musical is overbearing and unsightly. Your opinion has no weight. Yet you parade it around as if anyone cares. You’re narrow minded and a bit of a dick.

    Piqued – I don’t care what everyone else thinks about you. I think you’re alright.

  36. Swineshead Says:

    Hey Fletch – I’m going to continue to publish Napoleon’s stuff on this unpaid website set up by mates for fun, if that’s alright with you.

    Stop taking things so fucking seriously and fuck off.

    (Maybe start your own blog. One with a spellchecker).

  37. fletchamstead Says:

    hmm. my own blog? alright.

    fletchamstead.wordpress.com

    mindless drivvle you understand… should fit right in 😉

    seriously? I’m not taking very much seriously me old mucka. Chimed in when there was a point to be made and in the tone of the conversation. Happy to chime out. Apologies to you and yours for hijacking your blog and for causing you extra admin.

  38. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    It’s getting tedious logging in here every day to find that dumb anus Fletch has left another worthless pile of shit to read. Stalin the fucker.

  39. Swineshead Says:

    Consider him Uncle Joed.

    I’m trying to conjure something up about last night’s telly to keep this blog going. Christmas’ll make things easier, plenty of crap on TV.

  40. Jamie Says:

    This is the worst article/review on anything ever. It is insanely riddled with inaccuracies. You clearly know little about making music or how TV editiing works. You judge both bands from a very edited, skewed perspective.

    And I know Tim from dweeb fairly well, and smug is the last word that comes to mind. I’ve met very few people who are as humble and selfless. I thought dweeb came out of the whole thing excellently, didn’t put a foot out of line.

  41. Swineshead Says:

    Jamie – it’s not that bad. It is a bit shit, but I’ve had practice since then and I’ve definitely gone from being ‘shit’ to ‘a bit shit’ in terms of my writing ability.

    Oh – you know Timmy from Dweeb (possibly the worst band name in history)… might that have affected your judgement? Just a little bit?

    Piss off.

  42. Jamie Says:

    I am not a huge fan of their name. There are worse though (particularly doing the rounds at the moment – The Tings Tings, Pete and The Pirates, Joe Lean & The Jing Jang Jong).

    Of course it affects my judgement because it means I know a LOT more about him than you. Thus I am in a much better place to judge.

    Stop being so vitriolic, it’s boring. And I actually agreed pretty much wholeheartedly with your latest article on Blood, Sweat and T-Shirts.

  43. Swineshead Says:

    I’m judging the TV show – not Dweeb. I judge the TV show’s representation of Dweeb, granted – which is how they allowed themselves to be represented.

    If they didn’t want twats like me sounding off about them online, they shouldn’t show their faces in public.

    To be honest the show was so long ago I can’t remember anything about it apart from they were crap, christian rock attempting to fit into some other genre… apart from that, totally off my radar – and not yet famous so clearly their decision to go on a reality show didn’t quite pay off.

    I can be as vitriolic as I like thanks Jamie… if you don’t want vitriol go back to Dweeb’s message board – I’m sure the Christians there will be much nicer than me. I’m a bastard.

    Glad you enjoyed the other article. If you happened to have met Richard from BS&TSs, however, I’m sure you’d be telling me I wrote a pile of shit in the comments section over in that article. You can’t have it both ways, sunshine.

  44. Jamie Says:

    I guess if you’re fine with admitting you’re a bastard then that’s fine.

    No, not really. I highly doubt I would like Richard having met him in real life. I wouldn’t really ‘mix’ with his ‘sort’. (Air-headed fashion victims)

    I’m sure they don’t mind ‘twats like you’ sounding off in public. I was only expressing my right to free speech in being critical of your article, exactly as you were of the TV show.

    They’re not ‘attempting’ to fit into any genre. And Christian Rock does not (or rather should not) exist. They are rock musicians who happen to be Christians. If you were Christian and a Plumber, would that make you a Christian Plumber? Of course not. Do they play a Christian E Major chord rather than just an E Major? Again, same. True, their lyrics have a Christian slant, but to label the actual music (ie the notes, beats etc) as Christian is just a bit bizarre, as they’re clearly far more influenced musically by the likes of Biffy Clyro and Incubus than any Christian ‘artist’.

    I have not ‘met’ Tim. I know him, and he IS a genuinely nice, humble guy. I know that, whereas you were simply guessing that he was smug. I don’t think it’s unreasonable of me to put that straight.

    If I’d seen one of your closest mates once for 30 mins on a night out, and you heard me slagging him off, you honestly wouldn’t put me right? You should.

    Admittedly they allowed themselves to be represented in a certain way, but I can’t find any parts of the show where they come off smug or self-satisfied. Completely the opposite if anything. And so I would argue it was worth it for the exposure and the fact it may have changed some people’s minds about Christianity being old-fashioned etc. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is still very out-of-touch in certain ways. But that’s all another, bigger discussion.

  45. Swineshead Says:

    After a cursory glance over my ancient review, I note that Dweeb did that thing of getting upset about the semi-nudity in the stage show…
    And they had a prayer meeting, on camera – which is just unnecessary. Prayer’s meant to be a personal thing, not something you show off about doing.

    So, to a degree, the Christian thing is part of their schtick. No – they don’t play Christian chords – but they bang on about it when they get the chance. They’re pretty much evangelical, so they earn the tag Christian rock in my book.

    If a plumber was Christian and he came over to my house, eulogising about the final judgement whilst fixing a leaky tap, I’d call him a Christian plumber. If he kept his gob shut, I wouldn’t. Dweeb didn’t keep their gobs shut.

    I’m sure Tim is nice. I’m sure many of the people on The Apprentice are nice. But they behave a certain way on camera to project a self-image that isn’t actually theirs. As viewers, we can only judge them on that.

  46. Jamie Says:

    Fair points all.

    I guess a fair part of being an ‘evangelical’ Christian is about not keeping your gob shut. But I highly doubt they were showing off. They would have been praying the same way whether cameras were there or not.

    And the editing in of them saying the lord’s prayer in the van on the way there is just completely fictitious! I cannot imagine them doing that.

    I highly recommend going on YouTube and searching Charlie Brooker Screenwipe Reality TV. I am not attempting to educate you or suggest you know more than I, I think you are probably more well-read than me. But it is genuinely an eye-opener on TV editing. Perhaps you’re already familiar with Charlie’s show, I hope so.

  47. Swineshead Says:

    Very familiar with Brooker and indeed that particular section – he revolutionised TV reviewing, to an extent, carrying on in the tradition of Clive James and Nancy Banks Smith but with added bile.

    But reality TV editors can only edit context, not what’s actually said (though they often try to even do that)… so if you don’t say anything deliberately controversial or slightly stupid, all they can do is paint you as boring.

    Anyhow, we seem to be agreeing on most aspects and it’s your right to take issue with my curmudgeonly attitude so I can’t complain really. But I didn’t set up this blog to be liked…

  48. Jamie Says:

    Genuine question –

    What did you set up this blog for? I’m not asking this in a belittling way, I’ve actually bookmarked it for further reading.

    Are you surprised to have met a Christian this open-minded?

  49. Swineshead Says:

    I set this blog up for fun. I enjoy writing. So do some of my friends / associates so we blog here and elsewhere for fun. And to get stuff off our chests, but mainly for fun.

    I’ve met many a lovely Christian. I went out with one for a while too.

    Glad to hear you’ve bookmarked us, always nice to hear someone’s reading. Often it feels like we’re yelling into an empty dustbin.

  50. piqued Says:

    Oooh, get you two.

    I’ll leave you to it…

    *tip toes off*

  51. Napoleon Says:

    The one he went out with was a stunner, if memory serves. Shame about all the happy-clappy, religious film-flam these deluded boobs carry around with ’em. I think it’s time for a Holy War – only this time, the war’s us against the Holy. You wishy-washy Christian types’ll be a pushover … a shame since you used to be a right bunch of bloodthirsty bastards. Burn the fucking lot o’ you, that’s what I’d do.

  52. Swineshead Says:

    When the shit hits the fan, it’ll be the Christians and the Liberals who burn first, no doubt about that.

  53. Jamie Says:

    Oiiiii leave us be. I’d just lay down Gandhi style ’til you guys felt bad.

  54. Jamie Says:

    Didn’t have you down as a Right-Wing BNP boy, Swineshead?

  55. Swineshead Says:

    I’m a liberal, really – we’ll both get our heads kicked in come the evil holy revolution.

  56. Napoleon Says:

    If you laid down ‘Gandhi-style’, it would make it a damn sight easier for the Stormtroopers of The Enlightenment (as my guided by science, not myth private army would be called) to trample you to death. Thanks for that.

  57. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead’s right. When buggers like me take over, the first port of call for the death squads are the liberal hangouts. I can’t wait.

  58. Jamie Says:

    Well I’m a liberal AND a Christian. No chance.

    Like I said Napoleon, at some point I’m sure conscience would come into play.

    Stormtroopers? Silly name. Didn’t you know they’re fictitious?

    Myth is something with no fact. I’m not getting into a spiritual debate on such a nice day mere minutes from finishing work on a friday afternoon.

    But….

    Not including Bible sources, the following people wrote about Jesus:
    * The Jewish historian Josephus (A.D. 37-100)

    *Pliny the Younger, imperial Roman Legate of Bythynia – in a letter to Emperor Trajan in A.D. 112

    *Tacitus – the important Roman historian

    *Suetonius – a Roman historian who compiled a biography of the first twelve Roman emperors in his “Life of Claudius”

    *Thallus and Julius Africanus in A.D. 52

    *Mara bar Serpion

    I didn’t wanna do that, but you pushed me.

  59. Jamie Says:

    Is having second-thoughts about bookmarking this BNP site.

    Thank goodness people should have worked out by now Nazism doesn’t work. Or are you a commie? Interesting…

  60. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    You seem to be forgetting the German stormtroopers in WWI. And possibly WWII come to think of it…

  61. Jamie Says:

    Good point. Worryingly links Napoleon to Nazism even more.

  62. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon’s opinions aren’t necessarily those of WWM. In fact, they’re definitely not.

  63. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    They’re pretty bloody funny though. Funnier than serious spiritual debate. As a nihilist with a conscience I’d say ‘bugger all this lark’ and go for a shower. Oh wait, I’ll actually do that.

  64. Napoleon Says:

    Conscience ain’t something in my vocabulary, Jamie – I leave that to you wishy-washy liberal types.

    Oh, and thanks for the Nazi association – classy. Now try reading up on the Nazis (you might want to start with the word ‘stormtrooper’), then get back to me when you know what you’re talking about.

  65. Napoleon Says:

    They are the opinions of WWM, Swineshead, considering I’m one of the Big Three. Mind you, to carry on the WWII analogy, that would make me Stalin – the other two can fight over who gets Trueman and Eden (I’m fucked if they’re having Roosevelt or Churchill).

  66. Jamie Says:

    Snore. Yeah cos the things you said were really ‘classy’.

    Anyway…

  67. Jamie Says:

    Can I be Kai-shek?

    I’m now suspecting someone else needs to read up.

  68. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Does that make me one of the lazy 20? Do I get a badge?

    And yeah, stormtroopers – WWI thing. No Nazis there.

    Nothing classy about religion either matey mcmate. It’s a big exploitative crock o’ shite and lies. Sure, the odd bloke it’s based on was alright, doesn’t mean the rest of ’em aren’t evil scunners.

  69. Jamie Says:

    I’m not into “religion” at all, so your point is moot. I didn’t mention “religion” once.

  70. Jamie Says:

    At no point did I suggest any of you should DIE. I don’t think we’re in the same ballpark here quite. I’m not exactly a hellfire and brimstone Christian.

  71. Swineshead Says:

    Big 3? What about poor old Medlo?
    You can’t put him on the sidelines, it’ll give him a cool outsider status, watching from the periphery etc…

  72. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Ah so you’re one of those following-Jesus types. Smacks of stalking to me.

  73. Mikey Says:

    Why are you guys talking about this show from last year? Anyways here’s some thoughts. Modern music today (last 30 years or so) projects image along with the music. A band needs an image. Punk, Grunge, etc…
    Perhaps Swineshead did not like the music or the image. Music is subjective.
    There is nothing wrong with religious expression in song. Bach, Bob Dylan and countless others have been inspired by religion.
    Science does not disprove religion and in many ways illustrates the un-understood. Perhaps too our minds are unable to grasp the complexity of life and thus we will never understand everything. Therefore faith is important in any context.
    This website can be objectively termed Web 2.0. It’s subject (almost), daily critiques of current TV programs combined with some quite good writing, some quite good perceptions and some fun too, not to mention good old fashioned cynicism.

  74. Swineshead Says:

    Thanks Mikey – I’ve said it before and I’ll damn well say it again – I love faint praise.

    What is this web 2.0 shit anyway? I’ve honestly no idea what it means but I’ve heard it bandied about all over the shop.

  75. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    With Bach it was mainly because he was employed by the church to write music for the church which would only get performed on church funds. Just because he was a bloomin’ genius and did it very very well doesn’t mean he necessarily wanted to. He did write the odd secular cantata too…

  76. Jamie Says:

    Fantastically put Mikey.

  77. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Right then for you labelly folks I’ll say I’m a humanist with nihilistic leanings.

  78. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Not having ‘faith’ faith though. That’d be silly.

  79. Swineshead Says:

    Labels?

    I’m a swine with a human-shaped head. And a curmudgeonly tramp-type with a big nose and lovely hooters.

    I’m a slag, basically.

  80. Napoleon Says:

    Fuck Medlo! An odd post about American things, then not a whisper for months! You, me, and that shitwit Piqued are at this rockface five days a week. Medlo, indeed! The bugger couldn’t even pass himself off as De Gaulle.

  81. Swineshead Says:

    You’re not Stalin, by the way.
    I’m Stalin. I can prove it using my propaganda skills.

    DON’T MAKE ME PROVE IT.

  82. Mikey Says:

    JQW may I add that in Bach’s time, music was considered a gift from God.
    The sounds and the structure of music can be explained scientifically or can they?

  83. Mikey Says:

    And how do we explain our reaction to music. Why do minor chords evoke symapthy or sadness?

  84. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Certainly they are the product of about 400 years of harmonic research and at his time an intensive study of counterpoint. His music is deeply mathematically satisfying, yet jokey and quirky at times too. It’s not all perfect, some misses the mark. It’s only godly if you fail to have any belief in mankind’s ability and seek such an excuse.

  85. Mikey Says:

    I certainly do not have any faith in the candidates ablities on the apprentice.

  86. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    That is a tricky one of which to trace the origins, mainly because our musical development is now based entirely on the conditioning of previous generations. Minor chords are usually accompanied by a suitably animalistic aggression or equally a lack of pace, reflective of behavioural traits. So certainly rhythm is part of it. Minor chords produce a greater vibration between individual tones – the prime example of a suspension and resolution into a simpler, easier sound is reflective of emotional ease after the tension of the previous sound.

  87. Napoleon Says:

    YOU’RE Stalin? Ha ha! You’re the even-handed one on ‘ere! You’ve already admitted to being a bloody liberal! THAT MAKES YOU ANTHONY EDEN. I’m the big Soviet Iron Man on this site, me. ME.

    ME.

  88. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    There is more friction, essentially, in a minor chord, which is liable to trigger stronger emotions.

  89. Mikey Says:

    Anyway, it’s Friday, soon be 6.00 and time to go to the pub! I have faith in Mr. Young’s (pint of ordinary) abilities to alter my state of consciousness. Hopefully the pretty barmaid will be working tonight!

  90. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Anyway, I must have a shower and go to this lib dem post-election do.

  91. Swineshead Says:

    Anyway, you bastards, as for mastering music, you need to listen to my feeble efforts. The only halfway decent one is about snapping your banjo string.

    I have the worst singing voice in history.

    http://www.myspace.com/swineshead

  92. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I commented on your swinesbrain blog. no reply though.

  93. Swineshead Says:

    It’s one of my many dead blogs, soz JQW

  94. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Ah, snapped like a dead twig or banjo.

  95. Napoleon Says:

    I have a fine baritone boom to my singing voice. Indeed, I’d wager I’ve got the deepest voice you reedy-voiced chumps have ever heard. You can hear my voice in space – it’s that loud and boomy-like.

  96. Swineshead Says:

    Still too scared to reform the badgers though, you fucking coward…

  97. Napoleon Says:

    I’m not a coward, how dare you. I need to lay down some tracks, daddio, that’s all. Get my groove on, y’dig? YEEEAAAH.

  98. Swineshead Says:

    Let’s do it then biznatch

  99. Napoleon Says:

    I’ll get to it. Don’t you worry about that. Oh yes.

    *farts blood across the carpet*

  100. Mikey Says:

    Just listened to Banjo snaps!
    Sounds like it could be an early rough and ready Tom Verlaine (Television)song. All it needs is a really long guitar excursion.

  101. Mikey Says:

    Just listened to Banjo snaps!
    Sound like early Television/Tom Verlaine…

  102. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    It’s so good he said it twice.

  103. Mikey Says:

    First time after submitting the comment the website reported that it had been discarded!

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