Heroes Unleashed

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Heroes Unleashed 

“Hey! That was an interesting episode of Heroes … mind you … goes on a bit don’t it? What is it about these Yankee shows that they have to take two hundred years to tell a story? Ah well, ‘I say tomato, you say …’

OH FUCK IT’S HEROES UNLEASHED!”

Anthony Head: Heroes is amazing, it has stunt-men working on it and everything.
Creator of the show: The stunt guys we have on Heroes are amazing.
Fat guy who plays the policeman: My stunt-guy was amazing. He was able to jump through a window …

(Clip: Scene you’ve just watched)

You: Well it’s hardly Indiana fucking Jones!
Black guy who walks through walls: My stunt-guy man, what can I say? He’s amazing. I’m glad my stunt-guy’s here because I’d have to do all my stunts and I don’t wanna do all my stunts. I don’t want to do that, yeah?
First good-looking woman: My stunt-guy’s amazing.

(Clip: Scene you’ve just watched)

Second good-looking woman: So’s mine.
Anthony Head: Heroes brings together an international cast.
American: The cast on this show is so international.
American: It’s an international show.
American: It’s so international.
American: Working on Heroes, you soon realise how international it all is.

(Clip: Scene you’ve just watched)

Anthony Head: But who is the mysterious man in the horn-rimmed spectacles?
Fat guy who plays the policeman: Wow!
Second good-looking woman: Woa, creepy!
Really bad Indian actor: Oooooh! What’s going on there then eh?

(Clip: Scene you’ve just watched)

American: Next week, Claire goes two’s up with the one who looks like Little Nicky and the fat guy who plays a policeman.

(Clip: Claire making a grab for Little Nicky’s trousers)

Being able to create an illusion of reality that suspends the audience’s disbelief is at the heart of good storytelling. Heroes Unleashed, the sub-standard, DVD-style behind-the-scenes documentary that immediately follows Heroes on BBC2, does a very good job of pissing all over the storyteller’s hard work.

If, in 1981, I’d had to sit through a boring documentary that brought me back down to earth about the everyday, humdrum bunch of arse that was involved in getting The Empire Strikes Back on to the screen immediately after I’d finished watching it, I’d have been really annoyed. This is what Heroes Unleashed does. So, well done BBC2. You hapless cunts.

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20 Responses to “Heroes Unleashed”

  1. Dave Medlo Says:

    Too true… normally rubbish EPK materials are left on to rot on the DVD (I should know, I make the bastards) and you can watch them / ignore them at your leisure… by putting them on TV you’re forcing the audience to sit through even more promotional bollocks that makes you begin to actively hate the show. If for no other reason it remids you that the ‘international’ cast are all yanks doing foreign accents, and most of them appear to be morons.

    I’m so sick of Heroes. I saw the first series earlier this year but gave up on it on the last episode… it’s pretentious, patronising and steals wholesale from X-Men. Seriously, why has no-one pointed this out? Stan Lee should be suing or at least angling for a knowing self referential cameo.

    “Heroes is quality televison.” No it’s not, Deadwood was quality television only no fucker would show it because it doesn’t have a cheerleader in it.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    If you even sat down to watch Heroes in the first place expecting it to be good, you’re a moron.

  3. Rosszszsss Says:

    When are NC and piqued going to start flirting again, pliz?

  4. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I didn’t sit down expecting it to be good (I never do with American series), but have been quite surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Mind you, I’m getting fed up at how long they’re taking to tell a not particularly complicated story, and am about two episodes away from giving up. I did the same thing with Invasion.

    I reckon I’ll stick to Last of the Summer Wine in future.

  5. Who Says:

    I should imagine that NC has tactically stepped back to let Piqued think he is playing hard to get, somewhat risky. Time will tell whether it pays off or not.

    Didn’t see Heroes as there was a Keeping Up Appearances double bill on t’other side – mind the pedestrian, Richard. Nothing gets in the way of that in ma hoose – hear me – NUFFIN.

  6. jasonspaced Says:

    The cheerleader though, hmmm?
    You would, wouldn’t you? Especially when her guts were all hanging out. And when her head was twisted round the wrong way. Phwwwwwoaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

  7. Swineshead Says:

    Isn’t she 12?

    PERVATS

  8. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I prefer the mad blonde one.

    Shame I missed Keeping Up Appearances … I imagine Hyacinth was suitably disgusted at Onslow’s behaviour, was she? Ho ho! That Onslow!

  9. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    The top 5 British sit-coms of all time are:

    Last of the Summer Wine
    You rang, m’Lord?
    Brush Strokes
    Keeping Up Appearances
    Three Up, Two Down

    Anyone who disagrees with me should have their throats slit.

  10. Who Says:

    Can I proffer Oh Doctor Beeching! (sic) for consideration?

    Before you start blunting your rusty hacksaw to hack my scrawny windpipe with NC, I’m not disagreeing with your top 5, just gilding the lily, as t’were.

  11. Swineshead Says:

    He missed out Hi De Hi also, you can’t go wrong with a bit of Ho De Ho De Ho, come on down to the holiday show.

  12. Swineshead Says:

    I can’t stop thinking of the inimitable Su Pollard as Peggy. Christ – she was a piece of crumpet. Fact – a friend of a friend met her in a club one night then went back to hers and shagged her.

  13. Who Says:

    DO, DO, DO, DO, THE HOLIDAY ROCK

    Ted Bovis -v- Bernard Matthews – hmmm, have them washed and brought to my tent….

  14. Swineshead Says:

    Christ! That’s a menage a trois you simply have to catch on camera.
    I’d buy that for a dollar!

  15. Who Says:

    And don’t give us friend of a friend nonsense, it was you, wasn’t it

    You an Peggy done it in Miss Cathcart’s chalet, you dirty little sod

  16. Swineshead Says:

    Honestly, I never. If only. I’d be proud to have such an anecdote to my name.

    Who would win in a catfight between Felicity Kendall and Su Pollard?

  17. Who Says:

    Pollard – EASEH…

    She’d run at Kendall with her loaded cleaning trolley, rendering her helpless through a barrage of paper bog rolls and carbolic soap. She wouldn’t stand a chance, the poor little cute bummed, button nosed Seventies’ sit-com icon.

    Better bung Kendall in the tent as above, with BM, Ted and m’self, after such an ordeal, she’ll need ‘cheering up’.

  18. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I once drunkenly bellowed, “Polly Pocket!” at Pollard in a pub in Lincoln. Does this count?

  19. piqued Says:

    Oooh miss cath cart

    NC, you’re a bloody yobbo piss pot

  20. Dave Medlo Says:

    My Godfather was in Keeping Up Appearances once. He played a befuddled postman, bufuddled at Hyacinths befuddling behaviour… thank goodness for people who can (re)act befuddled because without them Keeping Up Appearances would have no supporting cast.

    I’m not trying to be funny. It’s true.

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