Moonpig

by

The votes have been cast and the judges have reached a decision. It didn’t take them more than a split second – ladies and gentlemen – we give the award for the most appallingly dreadful, ludicrously fucking shite advert ever to have graced our TV’s… A big fist in your arsehole please, for Moonpig.

Right, where to start. Firstly I need a stiff drink before I undertake this, for medicinal purposes. Moonpig (fucking ‘Moonpig’, which giant turd thought that one up, I should imagine they thought is was ‘wacky’ and ‘zany’ when it’s just a dustbin full of old horsetits) are some grubby little greeting card firm that specialise in ‘cards for every occasion’ though I don’t see a sympathy one for the family of the chairman who may well be found slumped in a doorway with head injuries if there is any justice in the world.

The advert is cheap and shitty on one level, so mundane in fact that it wouldn’t be given a second’s glance if it wasn’t for one quite disgusting human right threatening addition: the jingle. But it would be irresponsible not to mention the middle class jumper brigade grinning like medicated retards receiving and sending ‘personalised’ tree slaughtered wank to one another. They all look like a bunch of right golfclub BMW-driving ball-bags.

The jingle (excuse me while I open another bottle) comprises of close harmony singing, the sort of thing that reminds one of early TV advertising jingles sung by women with poodle haircuts attired in prom dresses and white slingbacks… Fucking shit, then.

Five times, FIVE godforsaken times we are jingled at from one end of this 29-second hell to the other, the ‘moon’ part sung in a higher tone to ‘pig’ but in a slightly different key each time, and each time the jingle gets seemingly louder, the fourth incarnation being hysterical and the one that will cause you to rip out your teeth with hammers…

No, I can’t do anymore on this, see for yourselves, this is worse than scatological rape porn.

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21 Responses to “Moonpig”

  1. piqued Says:

    aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

    Thank you

  2. Who Says:

    How does the jingle go? Mooonpig, la la la la la. Mooonpiiig, la la la la la la. Mooonpiiiig, la la la la la la la la la la. Mooonpiiiig la la la la la la la la la la la la la la.

    SOUNDZ REAYLEE GOOD

  3. Swineshead Says:

    I can’t hear it as I am at work.
    I WANT TO HEAR IT

  4. piqued Says:

    No it goes, hang on *injects vodka* ahhhhh

    It goes MOonpig, MOOOnpig, MEEOOWNpig, MOOOOONPIIIGGGZ,mmeorwethj[i0mpn,sfl;g

  5. Who Says:

    CRAP

    Needs LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA in it then it would be grate

    Need to know where you injecting the vodka please, tongue or straight into your eyeballz

  6. piqued Says:

    In my man-end if you must know…

    No, if it had lalalalala in it I could deal with it, lalalalala, would help

    …but there is no lalalalalala, just agony, Who

  7. Who Says:

    Christ, is it that blue vodka the kiddies drink? Straight into your pulsating man end vein? I need to see that – pictures please.

  8. piqued Says:

    No Who, I find that stuff too sugary and makes my gland all hurty

  9. Badger Madge Says:

    does anyone rememebr the cartoon jimbo (think it was itv) in the 80s? jimbo, jimboooooo, jimbo…..

    well moonpig is exactly the same tune, except the other way around (musically).

    terrible stuff. i’ve actually yet to watch this advert. it’s always on when i’m doing my make-up in the morning or getting my hair dry. but the jingle is ingrained and it’s a nasty nasty thing.

    i actually thought they were saying “loopy” at first, the enunciation is so bad.

  10. piqued Says:

    Not a bad comparison, but ‘Jimbo’ was sort of funny and *ahem* ‘cute’

    Moonpig is vile and evil and cunty, unlike Jimbo…

    Hang on. Actually, Jimbo is an environmental threat… HE’S POLLUTING OUR FUCKING PLANET, KILL JIMBO, STAB HIM IN HIS FUSELAGE CUT OFF HIS COCK

    PIT

  11. Swineshead Says:

    I just heard it. It hurt.

  12. wally bazoom Says:

    So innocuous, I’ve already forgotten it. You’re quite sensitive, aren’t you?

  13. Swineshead Says:

    That comment coming from wally…. you have to laugh.

  14. Badger Madge Says:

    i like the new look by the way

  15. piqued Says:

    Oooh, thanks. I got the bobble hat and pants from Oxfam and the sock I found in a hedge. The sick washed off okay but they still reek of bloated corpses… Oh well!!

    Anyway, I appreciate you kind wor…

    Hang on, you meant the new WWM graphics didn’t you.

    Oh.

  16. GODLeY ARMADILLO Says:

    spot on every day when i get up to go to work that advert is drilling it ways slowly into my head like a scene from saw 12.

  17. Sky Clearbrook Says:

    I’ve never even heard of these MoonPig fuckers (in fact I didn’t even know MoonPigs existed, never mind someone who wanted to fuck one), but having watched that advert just the once, I’ll never forget it for the rest of my life.

    That advert makes me want to actively avoid their shit products.

  18. Napoleon Says:

    I’d just like to point out that my disgusting internet porn site Nigella In Beans has been updated with more shocking XXX images. Sex anglers looking to dance on the dark side of erotic, bean-related, MILF-fuck sex perversion should visit http://nigellainbeans.blogspot.com/ right now. NOW!

  19. Swineshead Says:

    Technically, that’s spam.

  20. Napoleon Says:

    Depends on your point of view. Mine is that it isn’t. Ahem.

  21. An Oversight by moonpig? :: UK SEO/SEM BLOG >> B10G Says:

    […] and yes they have a very nice site. They also clearly have some fat in their marketing budget by advertising on prime time TV at regular intervals during this period of the year (so much so they are slightly […]

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