Ho Ho Ho! Christmas Comedy


 The Green Green Grass

You are presented with a Christmas cracker. You pull it with your dear old mum. The cracker contains liquid dog shit that covers you and your mum in shit. You end up with shit all in your mouth, as does your mum. The shit then turns into a man made out of all shit and that. The shit-man bends your mum over and bum rapes her with his shit-cock. When he’s done, he wipes shit all over your mum’s arse then turns round and punches you with a big, shitty fist. The shit-fist bursts into a shower of shit and smothers your face in shit.

Christmas, you realise at this point, has turned to shit.

I’ve tried, but I can’t come up with any other way of describing the special Christmas edition of The Green Green Grass than the above passage. Maaaaaaaaarlene!

Then there was To The Manor Born, which achieved the magnificent feat of making you think you were watching a repeat of To The Manor Born on UKTV Gold. That’s not bad, considering this episode had never been aired before … yet it had … on UKTV Gold. Even though it hadn’t. Weird.

And it’s good to know that the likes of The Upper Hand, Goodnight Sweetheart and Birds of a Feather didn’t die in vain … because thanks to My Family, the flame of incompetent mainstream ‘comedy’ was burning bright this festive season. On The Up, Keeping Up Appearences, The Two Of Us, The Piglet Files, Three Up Two Down, and Brush Strokes – your legacy lives on!

And finally, Extras. Did you ever, in your wildest dreams, think you’d hear yourself say,

“Well it only really got going when Dean Gaffney showed up.”

No, neither did I.


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6 Responses to “Ho Ho Ho! Christmas Comedy”

  1. badgermadge Says:

    “Well it only really got going when Dean Gaffney showed up.”

    it was a stroke of genius! (altho i hear they’re thinking of an extras spin-off for barry and darren… not happy aboot that).

  2. Swineshead Says:

    Christ, Extras was fucking awful.
    I’m glad they’ve ended that enterprise, it stank from Day 1 and went downhill all the way.

  3. Who Says:

    Completely with you on that, Lady Madge. I can see it now – Barry and Darren living in squalid bachelor flat, both chase the same bird, one brings her back and gets caught on the sofa by the other one in a state of undress – chaos! ho ho! Then they hilariously mix up each others’ socks – ho ho!

    I’ve got a bit of a fondness for Gaffney, just as you think he couldn’t get any more appallingly low rent, he pops up somewhere else even more squalid, hawking his inconsiderable er, talent.

  4. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I thought the Gaffers/Barry/the boogie-eyed-guy bits worked really well (not quite so sure they’d work as a spin-off, see: The Green Green Grass). Shame the rest of it was miserable drivel. At least the other shows I mentioned hadn’t disappeared so far up their own arses that they thought they were a landmark moment in British comedy.

    They were just shit, like.

  5. badgermadge Says:

    gaffney’s so pitiful because he’s got absolutely no redeeming features: he’s thin, ugly and has a really high-pitched voice… poor sod (shocking how he still manages to pull).

  6. urbanwoo Says:

    How does he pull? Because, as Paul Merton once said, simply being on telly makes you a sex object. I was on that GMTV once. Take me now!

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