Original Source

by

Natural Source

Do you wash yourself frequently? I do. Every day. In the shower, using a gel manufactured from a load of chemicals and whatnot. It’s a boring, interminable routine I follow out of vanity. I don’t like stinking of my own sweat and poo poos, you see.

My other half chooses this brand of shower gel called Original Source that sells itself on the basis of its being made of real ingredients. You might’ve seen the adverts. Like Innocent Smoothies, they bang on about how many crushed apples or how many pulverized mandarins they’ve managed to slot inside your shower gel tube.

It’s odd; this promotion of foodstuff in what is essentially a detergent. You see adverts for shampoos and conditioners where they talk about caramel and fudge essence. They assume we want to smell of food. I don’t want to smell of food. I want to smell of sexy flowers.

I could handle all this bullshit marketing, but there comes a tipping point in any movement, and Original Source have just provided us with it.

Instead of your shower gel coming in your standard plastic cylindrical type tube, it now comes in a bag with a little spout, as though it were an energy drink. The blurb sells it as if it’s a beverage. It’s mango and macadamia nut flavour, for Christ’s sake. Little kids are going to spot it in their parent’s shopping, unscrew the lid and gulp it down their stupid naïve necks. It’s like promoting semtex by selling the fact it smells of bubblegum.

Furthermore, holding it while your trying to clean your bits is like holding a lubricated blood-bag.

I know I shouldn’t get so angry about the little things in life, but by crikey, I can’t help it. It’s the minor annoyances that start world wars remember. BOYCOTT ORIGINAL SOURCE.

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35 Responses to “Original Source”

  1. Badger Madge Says:

    i don’t like that clearly anorexic woman they have advertising the lemon one (or it might be the mint one i can’t remember).

    they’re all bloody hippy do-gooders what advertise it anyway…

  2. Swineshead Says:

    I’ll wager they’re the opposite… cynical FMCG advertisers looking for an angle…

  3. Badger Madge Says:

    the models i meant. they’re all dreadlock sprouting, hemp-wearing, pot smoking hippies…

  4. Swineshead Says:

    It’s not the adverts I have an issue with, it’s the BLOODY PACKAGING. Stupid shower gel bags.

    Do you wash, by the way?

  5. Badger Madge Says:

    i spend about half an hour each evening licking myself like a cat.

    i’ve not noticed the new packaging. when i used it, it was just a normal plastic cartony/tubey thing but they did have a VERY satsfying rubbery ‘pootle’ thing what let the gel out. i can’t quite describe it – it wasn’t exactly a teat but it wasn’t just a hole. it had rubbery flaps (as it were). very satisfying… *sigh*

  6. Swineshead Says:

    A teat??

    Now they’re trying to market them as sex-doll parts. I won’t have it.

  7. piqued Says:

    What I can’t work out is why on earth anyone would think it a good idea to wipe fucking fruit all over your body to clean it?

    Surely you’d go all sticky and attract wasps

  8. Swineshead Says:

    It is ludicrous.

    Imagine getting caramel in your hair. You’d have to shave the sorry, sticky mess off your head, and then you’d be BALD

  9. Badger Madge Says:

    i must admit my current shower gel is peachy. but only because i like the smell and couldn’t find evening primrose…

  10. Clarys Says:

    Badger Madge – the pootle thing, was it like rubbery section cut into quarters that let the shower gel out? I love those, make a great “thup” noise.

    I used to use original source tea tree and mint shampoo, feels amazing on your bonce when you’re tired, like dipping your barnet into ice cold minty freshness. Awesome.

    You want cleaning products that smell of food? Lush is your place. They have one called “Sonic Death Monkey” which is basically chocolate fudge cake in a bottle. Amazing.

  11. Swineshead Says:

    No, Clarys, the point of this article is that I DON’T want cleaning stuff what smells of food. Who wants to walk around with a chocolatey arse? NOT ME.

    I think we are getting to the bottom of who is responsible for this food detergent bollocks. WOMENS.

  12. piqued Says:

    Lush should be banned.

    The fucking smell of that shop, you catch a whiff of it half a mile away and it makes you gag, it’s awful. AWFULZ

  13. Clarys Says:

    In the defence of the food cleansing products, you only smell nice and fragrant for about ten minutes, it never lasts. But I’ve only ever used vanilla scented stuff, or the mint shampoo. Doesn’t last.

    I meant that if you wanted to get reeeeeally wound up about food smelling shower gel, go to Lush, as theirs is so very much worse.

    Piqued – the smell is absolutely appalling, but they do sell soap (that doesn’t smell of food) that my skin loves, so I’d be gutted if it vanished.

  14. Swineshead Says:

    When I first moved to London and lived in a damp camden bedsit with no heating, I washed my hair with tesco’s own brand washing up liquid.

    NEVER DID ME ANY HARM.

  15. piqued Says:

    Yep, me too when I was un stewdent

  16. Swineshead Says:

    It works a treat.
    But I advise against using it for washing clothes…

  17. Swineshead Says:

    OR YOR BALS

  18. piqued Says:

    I used soap flakes for clothes

    EVREETHING WITE CAM OWT CHEWWING GUM GRAY

  19. Badger Madge Says:

    clarys: yes that’s it – you’re far more eloquent than i!
    i’ve used that minty stuff before. very nice but wouldn’t want to get any in my eyes!

  20. Who Says:

    I didn’t like the pootle thing – too much like a bumhole, I reckon. But I know I wouldn’t like the slippery blood bag so have eschewed the Natural Source range thus far.

  21. Clarry Says:

    Huzzah! You have unwittingly smashed a new record Swineshead. Redibrek dun nearly come out my nose.

    Yes. I AM eating Redibrek for my lunch.

  22. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    How do you get it out of the white jobby at the end? That looks bloody annoying. Do you have to manoeuvre it so that you can hold it upside down without it slipping out of your hands like a greased fish?

    I’ll stick with dettol and carbolic soap thanks.

  23. Badger Madge Says:

    those shower gels with the curved handle for hanging up do my head in. there’s always a bit at the end that gets trapped in the hook and you can never get it out.

    frugal? moi?

  24. Who Says:

    Badge, put the handle bit in really hot water, the last bit will heat up and pour out easily.

    You will of course already be cutting the toothpaste tube in half to make it go further AND scrunching all the scummy bits of leftover soap together to make one big one.

    And before you boys all snigger and take the piss please remember THERE IS A BLOODY WAR ON YOU KNOW

  25. piqued Says:

    I’d never take the piss out of such frugality, do you know at the end of each year could be saving yourselves literally pence.

    *builds Anderson shelter*

  26. badgermadge Says:

    great tip, who!

    also: old tights make great coffee filters.

  27. mikey Says:

    old or new tights can be used also as emergency fan belts…

  28. Who Says:

    Tights? If only. You must know more G.I.s than me, Badge m’ dear

    *hears air raid siren, scuttles off*

  29. Badger Madge Says:

    well i do get about. i hear charcoal is great for eyeliner…

  30. mikey Says:

    also speaking of tights (and why not?) do not forget the old schoolboy adage, (stalag) mites grow up…(stalag) tites go down!

  31. dave Says:

    I tried the mint one, my scalp felt like burn for weeks. The fact I wash biannually is incidental.

  32. piqued Says:

    I did too. It’s okay until it comes to rinsing the fucking shit out, it goes from ‘tingle’ to ‘napalm’ in the space of a scream

  33. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Not any more, it doesn’t. I’ve used sod-all else since it came out and they faffed about with the recipe about three years back. Now you hardly feel that tingly/napalm feeling at all … unless, like drugs, I’ve gone and fucked it for m’self by using it too much.

  34. piqued Says:

    Mmm, I never had you down as a chap that washes

  35. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Even cave-dwelling Northern troglodytes need to scrub up once in a while. The colliery owner doesn’t look kindly on whippet shit stains at the annual pit picnic.

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