One Minute Review – The Metros: Education Part 2

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The link doesn’t work for some reason, but just click here for the video… 

Happened upon these young upstarts whilst watching Lily Allen’s godawful offering a few weeks ago and somehow – unbelievably – they managed to make the preceding cavalcade of utter crap look vaguely alright in comparison. I also got cable installed recently and they make MTV Two unwatchable, what with the above video being on heavy rotation there. Not that it’s watchable anyway since it’s been taken over by the bland-spatter that is Zane ‘Completely Zane’ Lowe.

The generic, inevitable Libertines-theft makes way for perhaps the most unpleasant new voice in modern pop music. Look at the singer. Listen to his affected voice. Be revolted. But whatever you do, don’t even attempt to take the lyrics seriously. They are the most appalling excuse for song-words I think I’ve heard so far this year – even beating that shithouse ‘Rockstar’ by Nickelback. I don’t care that he’s a teenager (he’s probably 25 anyway and lying to shift units). These are shit, shit, shit lyrics and he deserves to be hanged, drawn and kicked to bloody pieces for this atrocity.

Let’s take a look at them words…

Education’s overrated, and I’m the monster that it created.
And doing homework’s anti-social, but I’m an A-star pupil
GCSE in Music, I don’t know how the fuck I’m gonna use it,
The time is of the essence, but the pills are a depressant
And I think I’ve learnt my lesson but I’m only adolescent

(WOAH) x2
Do it again.
(WOAH) x2

And all the wasted time I’ve spent, the grass is greener on the other side of the fence!
And to me, it makes no sense.
You get the grades, and then you pay the rent! x2

(WOAH) x2
Do it again.
(WOAH) x2

I had a mate called Paul, he was never too cool.
Got himself chucked out of too, too many schools.
Didn’t know what to do to, so he went and robbed a bank, with a sawn-off shotgun and his two-bit mate called Frank.

AHA!

Got on a plane, down in heathrow, got nicked in the waiting room and got ten years, and a fucking asbo!

(WOAH) x2
Do it again.
(WOAH) x2

Brilliant, isn’t it? He says the word ‘fuck’ two whole times and mentions asbos! And his face is a complete mess of boggly eyes and punchable teeth! I hope he fucks off with his gang of teenage shitbags and never darkens my TV screen again. Like I said – worse than Nickelback. And that’s saying something.

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48 Responses to “One Minute Review – The Metros: Education Part 2”

  1. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    That video doesn’t work, and neither does your ‘click here’ ruse. I don’t reckon this song exists, I don’t.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    Shit. I’ll sort it, you see if I don’t.

  3. Swineshead Says:

    FIXED

  4. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Look at me gurn, I’ve listened to 2 songs by the Jam! Can I have a biscuit mummy?

  5. Swineshead Says:

    What’s with all the gurning? He looks like the shithead in the corner of a crap nightclub who can’t handle his pills.

    The bit early on where he suddenly screams at a bandmate in the photo session marks him out as a complete cunt.

  6. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Maybe corner-of-nightclub shithead is in. I really wouldn’t be surprised (although my view of things is naturally skewed by living in Camden.

    The gurning is a fucking annoying affectation. He also looks like he’s rich and middle class, probably with parents in the media. Basically he looks like someone who could have gone to private school but whose parents sent him to a comp out of character building/not wanting to look posh around their hip media friends. I don’t think he’d know how to ‘pay the rent’ if someone gave him a 30-minute course on rent-paying.

    Basically he’s a big floppy-haired sack of shit.

  7. Swineshead Says:

    Thinking about it, I was a big floppy-haired sack of shit when I was his age. But I didn’t pull stupid faces on the telly.

  8. piqued Says:

    Made it through about 7 seconds before I broke my own spine in order to suck out my guts through my helm hole

    Never make me watch shit like that again or I’ll sue

  9. Swineshead Says:

    It’s not my fault – it’s music week on WWM – bringing you what’s shit and what’s rubbish from the hit parade, in blog form.

    Much easier writing about music. Much shorter.

  10. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    It’s a rotten piece of work is that, floppy haired or not. I had floppy hair too, and I was shitbag, yet I never done did anything like that. I was a cunt, yet knew you didn’t foist filth like that on an unsuspecting public.

  11. smarkatch Says:
  12. Swineshead Says:

    Bloody good point, Smarkatch.

    ???

  13. smarkatch Says:

    DAMN. I had a brilliant and insightful picture to post and it bloody well didn’t do it.

    I hate code. Have a boring old link instead. http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y23/geshmally/689695_scary_1.jpg

  14. Swineshead Says:

    It’s uncanny, smarkatch… uncanny.

  15. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I had one like that in the 80s.

  16. smarkatch Says:

    Put some hair on him and attach a pair of drainpipes and you have the front cover of this week’s NME, for suresies.

  17. Gilbert Wham Says:

    “I had one like that in the 80s.”

    Did you? What was her name?

  18. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Wendy.

  19. Gilbert Wham Says:

    Really? I called my girlfriend that once by mistake. God knows where it came from. Don’t know any Wendys. Not that SHE believed me.

  20. Ryan Mcguire Says:

    i think they are awesome..and so wat if they rip off the libertines the lyrics whilst crude,,are true well the 1st verse anyway education and GCSE’s dont help ya at all in the worl of work the real world

  21. Swineshead Says:

    I take it you failed yours then, Ryan.

  22. Zane Lowe is a fat cunt. Says:

    I gather that frontal lobotomy went well Ryan Mcguire?

  23. Anon Says:

    Personally, I think this band are very talented, brining many genres of music together and, no, they are not purely based on the Libs.
    Maybe you would like to take the time to listen to their other material which, as they have even said themselves, is different from Education Pt. 2.
    They are also not from middle class backgrounds, as you might have noticed seeing the press releases about their childhoods in Peckham (although you probably haven’t heard of that ‘rough’ place, being the posh boys that you sound a lot like) In fact, you all sound like middle class twats with no real knowledge of music and ‘Swineshead’ you sound a bit pathetic basing your review on their first single, I assume, having not heard their other material. Maybe you would like to challenge the great Madness about their choice for The Metros to play along side them at one of their gigs recently.

    Ah well, I hope you all feel satisfied at the thought that you have brilliant music taste, whilst you ‘flick’ through MTV TWO and probably listen to only one of The Jam’s songs over and over again, thinking you are really ‘rocking’!

  24. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Oh, comedy gold. Who wants first go on Anon’s virgin blogging anus?

  25. Clarry Says:

    Anon – are you seriously accusing us of having poor music taste and having no ‘real knowledge of music’ in the same breath as saying that Madness are great? That’s quite a bold/stupid statement….

  26. Anon Says:

    oh good, so you know who Madness are then………

  27. Swineshead Says:

    Yes, Anon. As we’re not sentimental skinheads or risible ‘nutty boys’ waving union jacks, we went through our Madness phase when we were 12,

  28. Napoleon Says:

    I remember finding ‘Wings of a Dove’ fun in 1983. Mind you, I was only eight years old, and you’ll dance around to any old shit at that age.

  29. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Haha you danced to ‘Wings of a Dove’. Gimmer.

  30. Napoleon Says:

    I was eight, arsehole. You weren’t even jizz in the milkman’s balls in 1983 – I was alive, and I was dancin’.

    Plus, you’re a paedophile.

  31. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    hey, hey, I got my first cd when I was 8. It was Prokofiev’s 5th symphony, the Karajan BSO recording. What, can I say? I’ve always been a classy guy. That doesn’t stop me from knowing how to talk dirty to the ladies though i.e.:

    ‘oh! yeah! talk dirty to me!’ ‘erm…I’m doing a big shit. Big sweaty gobs of all brown bits are running down me leg…There’s a load of maggots in my hair and I think one of them just dropped on you, oh and I buggered a clown with The SuperAIDS earlier’

    See?

  32. Napoleon Says:

    Karajan? That cantankerous old Nazi? Give me ‘One Step Beyond’ on seven inch vinyl any day.

  33. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    It’s a classic recording. Though I’d probably take the 2006 Gergiev over it. Just because I like it technically sharp.

    You like a seven-incher do you, NC? I know where you like it too*! ho ho!

    *in yor arsez.

  34. Napoleon Says:

    HA HA! Christ! I think you may be the first person in history to come up with that innuendo! It’s ground-breaking, John, you must be proud. Well done!

  35. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I GOTZ A STIFCAT FROM SKOOLZ FOR IT.

    (p.s. innuendo – in ur end*-o more like. *end as in arse LOLZORS)

    PS I AGRE WIV EVRYFINK ANON SAYZ.

  36. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    SKOOL IS RUBBISH AN DUN DO NUFFIN FOR YOO. IM AT YOONIVERSTY SO I DUN NEED GO TO SKOOL NO MORZ. I DUNNO HOW I GOTZ HERE.

  37. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    PLUS THE METROS LEED SINGA IS WELL FIT N NOT LYK A TREMBLIN MONKEY ANUS oR NUFFINK.

  38. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    It’s surprisingly difficult to talk like an utter twat. Perhaps Anon has some pointers.

  39. Napoleon Says:

    Do you mind? I’m trying to watch an incredibly dull documentary on the Incas and your blather is distracting me.

  40. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Documentary on the Incas? Cockumentary on your anus, more like.

    Ok I’ll stop that now.

    But didn’t them Incas like cutting all hearts and stuff out each other? Surely that can’t be boring. Plus you’d get the satisfying bit where the Spanish blokes broadside a village of Inca men, women and children armed with party hats and sharpened golf balls. AH, now THAT’S the sweet cordite smell of regime change.

  41. Napoleon Says:

    Bores the living daylights out of me. Give me a documentary about Hitler over the Incas any day.

  42. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Speaking of which, Fascists! seems to be rather a non-starter.

  43. Napoleon Says:

    Fucking hell! You’re an impatient bastard, ain’t ye? I’ve updated two fucking blogs umpteen times, written posts on here, AND started up a new one in the time it’s taken you to write ONE POST on that blog of yours. And I’ve had fucking work to do too (not that you understand the concept of work, scholar)! ‘Non-starter’, he says! Fascists! has got three more posts on it than yours has had in the last week alone! What do you want? Blood? You lazy, ungrateful slob.

  44. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    HD will take blood, as is her Gothic wont. I have far more class and as such will merely take this to mean that you’ll be improving Fascists! in the coming hours/minutes.
    I have no precedent for regular posting, so I can do as I please. I see it more as a page where I shall chuck the odd vaguely amusing thing if I can be bothered. However, just to spite you, I might do a whole post tomorrow. And everything.

  45. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    And anyway, you can’t claim writing posts on here against me. I’m not part of the WWM Reviewing Club and as such don’t have the monogrammed velveteen smoking jacket or hessian condoms signed by Al Gore that come with the position. YOU GET TO ENJOY THOSE AS YOU SIT AROUND NOT UPDATING FASCISTS FOR MY READING PLEASURE.

  46. Clarry Says:

    Don’t patronise me Anon, i’d wager I know a damn sight more about music than you – unless of course we’re talking about boy bands, pop/chart, R n’ B or any other shit dance music, you can keep those. Simply tell me what year you were born and i’ll make some sweeping generalisations about you and your music tastes.

  47. Swineshead Says:

    Despite being a girl, Clarry does actually know a fair bit about music.
    Which isn’t bad, for a girl.

  48. Napoleon Says:

    Unusual for a woman. They usually like musicals, Elton John and Billy Joel records. Women do (women).

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