Popbitch – 10.4.08

by

Popbitch

Popbitch, like the marvellous B3ta, has been going for ages now. Is it years?

It started off as an acerbic antidote to Hello! magazine – a fresh delivery of spurious and occasionally unfathomable celebrity rumour, every new one as scurrilous as the last. But then Heat magazine started trying to do something similar but in a tamed down fashion, Holy Moly defected and put out something similar (but not quite as good) and then, across the pond, Perez Hilton started blogging. Celebrity-fever went into hyperdrive, after a time, and Jordan sold books despite clearly being an illiterate moron. It had all turned into a fresh kind of madness.

Popbitch is now a kind of brand – selling a small amount of advertising space per newsletter. I don’t visit the website so I couldn’t tell you what’s going down over there, but as a regular reader of the newsletter I can tell you it’s still relevant, if a little spiteful and a tiny wee bit out of time these days.

One thing I always enjoyed was the crap joke that came at the end – always woeful, often sick. Bad, sick, wrong-minded jokes have made a bit of a comeback these days. B3ta published a whole book of them. They’re the kind of jokes you feel bad for telling your pals at the pub, but secretly enjoy the wince you force them to cringe into as the punchline spills out of your gob. These ‘gags’ concern – among other things – disability, paedophilia, gender and race. They are not for the easily offended, but B3ta goes out of its way to distance itself from the content of the joke. Instead, the subject matter is actually irrelevant and the structure of the joke and how far the content is pushed into the realm just beyond bad taste becomes key.

Popbitch, either through laziness, idiocy or complacency seem to have forgotten that the disclaimer, the shroud of irony is absolutely necessary. Otherwise, to paraphrase Alexei Sayle, it all gets a ‘bit Nuremburg’. And so, on Thursday the week before last at the end of the newsletter, the following joke was mailed out:

Old Jokes Home:
A Pakistani husband and wife come out of the divorce court.
The woman starts crying.
Her ex puts his arm around her and says “Don’t worry, we’re still cousins!”

Now. Looking past the fact that the joke isn’t even vaguely amusing, ignoring the fact that it’s not breaking any ground in bad taste and looking at the fact that the joke was isolated at the end of an email – doesn’t it look a little bit odd to you?

Doesn’t it look a little less like the Ricky Gervais racism-it’s-ok-to-like, cushioned on the ironic get-out clause and a little bit like the sort of shite that came out of Bernard Manning’s wobbling mush?

Isn’t it just straightforward racism?

Shame on you, Popbitch. Maybe it’s time this sort of crap came to an end.

We are grown ups, after all.

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150 Responses to “Popbitch – 10.4.08”

  1. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I’ve got the bumper b3ta book of sick jokes. I tried it out on some right wing Christians in Arizona. Needless to say, they weren’t impressed.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    You bloody fool.

    Bit quiet round here today.

  3. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I don’t think that’s racist. It’s just a shit joke. You wouldn’t have batted an eyelid if the people in the joke were rednecks or from Lincolnshire.

    Who are you now? Birmingham City Council?

  4. extremelisteningmode Says:

    That’s not funny. Simple as. My favourite comedian of all time is Jerry Sadowitz, so I don’t mind appalling gags, but that’s just lazy racist shite.

  5. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    The best thing I saw Sadowitz doing was his ‘Isn’t it about time we forgave Gary Glitter’ routine. I nearly died laughing at that.

  6. Swineshead Says:

    Of course it’s racist.

    Yes, I am Birmingham City Council.

    I met Jerry Sadowitz in a Camden pub, tried to explain that his idea of converting a pub there into a Withnail & I theme bar was a shit one, and got a tirade of abuse for questioning the twat’s rotten judgement. A very boozy afternoon on Inverness Street, that was.

    He really is a twat. His comedy’s alright, but he’s a twat.

  7. piqued Says:

    You bloody name dropper

  8. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    No it isn’t racist, you politically correct arse. And neither is it the sort of thing you’d hear coming out of Bernard Manning. Yes, he was a proper racist and a thoroughly unpleasant man, but his jokes were a damn-sight cleverer than this one. Even comedians who are so p.c. they may as well have ‘Property of the Guardian’ stamped on their heads will readily admit Bernard was a master of the quickfire gag.

    You should have said it was the sort of thing Jim Davidson would say. Nick nick.

  9. piqued Says:

    The ‘joke’ is suggesting that all Pakistani’s interbreed. That’s racist

    The same joke applied to people from Lancashire or rednecks (to cite NC’s examples) isn’t racist as neither are a fucking race.

    Pretty clear cut, really.

  10. Swineshead Says:

    Piqued’s on the money. NC is devil’s advocate (but what else is new?)

  11. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I don’t agree with you. The joke is stereotyping Pakistanis as inbreeders, not attacking them for the colour of their skin. That’s not racism.

    And people from Lincolnshire or rednecks would argue with you that they’re not a race. If they weren’t busy fucking fucking their own sisters … oh fuck, I can’t say that because it’s racist, apparently.

  12. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Nick nick.

  13. piqued Says:

    Race has nothing to do with skin colour NC, seriously, are you taking the piss?

  14. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I would be if I’d actually said that. As I didn’t, no I’m not.

  15. piqued Says:

    ‘The joke is stereotyping Pakistanis as inbreeders, not attacking them for the colour of their skin’

    Racism is all about stereotyping, not about skin colour, so you did say that

  16. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    No I didn’t. Racism may have stereotyping as a component part, but it is not it’s most prominent feature. This joke is just stereotyping a country noted for being a Third World, village-based society where a lot of people do marry cousins or distant relatives (like Lincolnshire). It’s xenophobic and stereotyping, yes, but it isn’t racist. The joke’s no different from calling French people cowards or Germans officious boxheads.

    And most folk would argue that your comment:

    “Racism is all about stereotyping, not about skin colour …”

    Makes you look rather stupid.

    Nick nick.

  17. piqued Says:

    Your pedantry can’t get you out of this one U RAYSIST

  18. Swineshead Says:

    How’s that devil’s advocate position going, by the way?

    Are you telling me that you don’t class, for example, going up to a pakistani gentleman and telling him he ‘stinks of curry’ as racist – simply because skin colour hasn’t been mentioned?

    If only life were that straightforward.

  19. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    No, I don’t. There is, however, a difference between telling a Pakistani that he stinks of curry, and a joke about inbreeding in Pakistan. If that’s racist, then so’s everything else of a similar ilk:

    French people are cowards. Spanish people are lazy. Americans are fat, ignorant bastards. Germans are Nazis. Pakistanis marry their own cousins. Rednecks marry their own cousins.

    All racist, according to your interpretation. If only life were that straightforward, as you so patronisingly say.

  20. Swineshead Says:

    Well I say judge every case on its own merit, or lack of, and I don’t think I’d be alone in finding that joke pretty suspect.

    Enjoy your nitpicking, you nit.

  21. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    It’s nitpicking simply because I disagree with you. If I was in agreement, it wouldn’t be, I suspect. I don’t share your opinion on the subject, and I have given you a perfectly rational argument as to why. Dismiss my opinion as nitpicking all you want, it doesn’t make what I say any less right or wrong.

    Nick nick.

  22. Swineshead Says:

    That ‘nick, nick’ thing is brilliant. Keep it up.

    (sarcasm)

    It’s nitpicking because you’re using one definition of racism which is incredibly literal (ie to be a racist joke, it has to concern skin colour) when the general acceptance is that a joke of that nature, specifically aimed at people of colour (ie not white like the majority in this country) can be construed as racist.

  23. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    It’s good isn’t it? Nick nick!

    Again, I don’t agree with you. You’ve decided I’m nitpicking because I don’t agree with you. I use the colour of skin/stereotyping argument in this one specific case – because that’s the one you wrote about. I haven’t at any time said use this as a rule of thumb to detect racist jokes.

    Just because there is a ‘general acceptance’ of something, it doesn’t automatically make it right. There’s a general acceptance amongst a majority of people in this country that we should bring back hanging – yeah, let’s go with the general acceptance flow shall we?

    I don’t generally accept it in the case of this one joke you’ve written about, that’s all. Again, there is no difference between this and a joke about French cowards. Of course, you’re of a generation that’s been brought up to find racism in everything, so there’s no swaying you.

  24. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Wow, this is boring. Can we get some boobs or something?

  25. Swineshead Says:

    Difference between our ages: what, 4 years?

    Yes, a totally different generation to yours. Or were you talking about your own generation? I think you’re a bit confused. Sugary tea and a nice sit down for the devil’s advocate.

    The litmus test is whether or not a pakistani reader of popbitch might read that and feel a little let down. If I were the popbitch writer who had included the shit joke, I wouldn’t feel comfortable denying that they would.

    Just to try and propel us past this pithy point, shall we just refer to it as offensive? Could you see that it might be offensive? In the same way that talking about French cowards, devoid of any context whatsoever, is potentially offensive?

    The point is, Popbitch didn’t frame this at all. They gave no idea as to what we were meant to think of their printing this up. Without context, it is offensive on top of being unfunny.

  26. Swineshead Says:

    JQW- if it’s boring you, you might want to fuck off.

  27. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    It is boring, isn’t it? Sadly, this is what happens when you dare disagree with Swinsehead Elton-Sayle’s mighty opinions.

    And he’s fat.

  28. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Well it just struck me a few comments in that it was a wholly pointless and not very well thought out argument, probably deliberately. I thought you dun seed that.

  29. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I’m happy to go with offensive.

  30. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    And I haven’t got the faintest idea what Popbitch is, by the way.

  31. Swineshead Says:

    As for that whole line about Manning being the best in the biz, it’s irrelevant really. Like saying Hitler had good organisational skills or Himmler dressed to the nines.

    I wouldn’t watch a well-directed snuff film.

  32. Swineshead Says:

    I think I’ve ranted that one out of my system, to no effect whatsoever.

    Back to normal.

    *ahem*

  33. Swineshead Says:

    ‘Well it just struck me a few comments in that it was a wholly pointless and not very well thought out argument, probably deliberately.’

    Why would I deliberately post a badly thought out argument?
    And why is it badly thought out?

    Grow up.

  34. Who Says:

    In all fairness to Hitler…

    Sorry, nothing to do with this article but Napoleon said it yesterday and I like it.

  35. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I didn’t say that. I pointed out Manning wouldn’t have come out with such a shit joke – Jim Davidson would. I found that comment lazy in your review. Lazy and reaching for the nearest racist comedian because you couldn’t be bothered to think about it for five minutes.

    So stick that right up your arse, you big nosed, obese alcoholic.

  36. Swineshead Says:

    Seeing as you haven’t seen me since i was 16, your insults might be deemed a bit lazy. Alcoholic? I barely drink mate.

  37. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I did say the Hitler thing. I got banned off some fucking thing for writing:

    Fred West, God rest his soul, would never blah blah blah.

    Some people just can’t take a joke …

    … or work out the difference between one that’s racist and on that isn’t because they’re fat idiots who live off a diet of celebrity gossip and reality TV.

  38. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    My apologies.

    You’re a big-nosed, obese bastard.

    Better? I have seen you since you were 16, by the way. I saw you when you were 19 in a nightclub. And I’ve had the misfortune to gave upon your bloated form on that Facebook rubbish. You’re fat there. Fat, with cheeks like a hamster.

  39. Clarry Says:

    Afternoon chaps…

    Please can eveyone tell me their favourite ‘bad taste’ joke, I need cheering up. The winner gets a prize.

  40. Swineshead Says:

    You were wrong, so the personal attacks begin!

    That Fred West joke probably got you banned because it wasn’t funny, by the way.

    I’ll leave you and JQW to fellate one another.

  41. piqued Says:

    May I watch, I’m blacked up

  42. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I can’t remember the Fred West joke. I got banned because I’d said ‘God rest his soul’. The folk wot ran the site were probably your distant cousins.

    And no, I wasn’t wrong. It’s my opinion. Yours is yours. We both have given arguments for why we think it’s either a racist joke or it isn’t. In matters of interpretation, there is no right or wrong opinion. If you’ve decided there is, then you’re a fucking fascist.

    Clarry- I don’t know any bad taste jokes. If I did, I wouldn’t tell you them anyway in case Swineshead accused me of being a racist.

  43. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    On a completely different subject, I’ve just eaten two sausage sandwiches and they were cracking.

  44. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I’m back. My point was, as NC has just nicked off me, that it’s something in such a grey area that any argument is going to be utterly futile, which is why I thought you were doing it for a laugh.

  45. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    *adopts boorish tone*

    But at least it’s not in a black area otherwise it’d get shot.

    *runs*

  46. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I’ve nicked that off you, have I? How? Using a time machine?

  47. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I wouldn’t put it past you to use such an elaborate scheme to piss someone off.

  48. Clarry Says:

    A bad taste joke doesn’t have to be racist. My best ‘bad taste’ joke is about incest.

    Ok, here’s mine….

    Q – How do you know when your sister has her period?
    A – When your dad’s cock tastes funny.

    Your turn.

  49. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Fuck that. I’d use a time machine to commit robberies and murders, not to steal other people’s ideas. If I could stop time, or make myself invisible, I’d become a rapist.

  50. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    That would be a lot more fun.

  51. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Clarry – Were the people in that joke from Pakistan or Kentucky? If it’s the former, then you’re a racist and should be shot.

  52. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Q- What’s blue and fucks old ladies?
    A – Hypothermia.

  53. Clarry Says:

    They were most probably from the fens.

    P.S Today, as I passed the florists, I noticed that there were not one but three golliwogs in the window. I thought that this was slightly odd as what exactly have they got to do with flowers?

  54. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    What’s the difference between Madeleine McCann jokes and Madeleine McCann?

    Madeleine McCann jokes will get old.

  55. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    You’re alright with them being fenlanders, according to Swineshead’s p.c. worldview. Unless they were Asian fenlanders … they weren’t, were they?

    I noticed they’d taken the gollys off of Robinson’s Jam the other day. they might have done this years ago – I don’t eat jam, so therefore only look at the stuff once every ten years or so.

  56. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I was just looking at a hot water bottle and they say ‘imported by vagabond bags ltd’. Rather an adventurous name for a hot water bottle importer I thought.

  57. piqued Says:

    NC, it’s not hypothermia, it’s me and my lucky blue suit

  58. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    John – That’s rotten. And possibly racist … nowadays it’s difficult to tell.

  59. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Piqued – I thought watching ’em chuck up turds was your beef?

  60. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Piqued – I thought watching ’em chuck up turds was your beef?

  61. Swineshead Says:

    Still wilfully missing my point then NC. You prattle on regardless then, that’s fine.

  62. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Swineshead – Still missing mine as well, eh? Probably too busy scouring the internet for stuff to take offence at, no doubt.

    Q – Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?
    A – God gave him the gas bill.

    IS THAT RACIST?

  63. Swineshead Says:

    My point: Bad jokes need a framing device otherwise we have to take them at face value.

    I thought that was pretty obvious.

    Clarry said ‘what’s your favourite bad joke’. A context was provided. That explains why your joke isn’t particularly offensive, just shit.

    PS – You’re a fucking cock.

  64. Clarry Says:

    P – I just dunned weed my pants.

  65. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Your point: Already rebuffed by muggins ‘ere. Need I repeat myself? Here we go round the mullberry bush … as long as it’s not from Pakistan … la de da de daaa … then it’s racist … Swineshead’s a fucking cock more … doo bi doo bi doo …

  66. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    And Clarry wanted bad TASTE jokes. The two I’ve given her are in very bad taste. If you don’t like ’em, take it up with whoever made ’em up, not me.

  67. george Says:

    Surely anybody who calls anybody or anything ‘PC’ should be disqualified from the argument, taken out back and shot?

  68. Swineshead Says:

    Bravo, George. It’s a lazy label for people who tend to like a bit of fairness in the world.

  69. piqued Says:

    There is a different between being tasteless and racist

    NC’s Hitler ‘joke’ is both

  70. Clarry Says:

    Everyone seems to have missed the fact that I asked for bad taste jokes and I gave them one that was quite literally about a bad taste.

  71. george Says:

    A company in the Ukraine are making a Hitler Doll. You can even get his little dog that came with it.

  72. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Obviously George is another uncomfortable middle class white boy brought up to label everything racist on sight, just in case. Well done, George. Why don’t you and Swineshead start your own political party? I believe ‘The Nazi Party’ is a name that’s free at the moment. You fucking Nazi.

  73. piqued Says:

    NC, re. George, do you actually read peoples fucking comments?

  74. george Says:

    F*ck off, racist.

  75. Swineshead Says:

    Ah – Napoleon and his hilarious racism. What a card.

    Clarry – sorry for missing the point, I was shielding myself from NC’s devils advocacy which it seems he relies on instead of actually having an opinion.

  76. george Says:

    Piqued: yes, I do. Sorry, had we covered something already?

  77. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    “NC, re. George, do you actually read peoples fucking comments?”

    That’s rich, coming from you.

    George – Cheers! You Nazi bastard.

  78. george Says:

    Aaah, I get you. Nevermind.

  79. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Swienshead – I have an opinion, and the argument to back it up. You’ve read it, up there. No devil’s advocacy – that’s my opinion. Sorry if it doesn’t comply with yours, Stalin, but we can’t always agree.

    And how am I suddenly being racist? Because I don’t think a joke’s racist?

  80. piqued Says:

    That was ironic wasn’t it George

  81. Swineshead Says:

    We’re all getting a bit confused – especially NC, who’s a complete fuckwit who gets confused turning the fucking kettle on. The cock.

  82. george Says:

    Piqued: you mean the ‘f*ck you, racist’ comment?

  83. Clarry Says:

    Anymore for anymore?

    All entries must be in for 3pm sharp to be eligible for the grand prize.

  84. piqued Says:

    No.

    I can’t be arsed to explain, read back

  85. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Clarry – I’m not supplying any more. These Nazis pounce on you.

    Swineshead – You’re the one who’s being a fuckwit. I merely disagreed with the central tenet of your article. I didn’t think you’d be so heavy on dissent in the ranks. P’raps you should lay some ground rules in the margin? ‘Comment is welcome on this site as long as it conforms with Swineshead’s narrow opinions’, say?’

  86. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    “I can’t be arsed to explain, read back” should surely read, “I’m mentally incapable of explaining anything, and never read things in the first place” when talking about y’self, Piqued?

  87. Swineshead Says:

    Clarry – go ahead, I will not pounce.

    NC – Sorry, I’m probably just being a bit sensitive as my dad is black.

  88. george Says:

    Ah, the Hitler Doll thing?

  89. Clarry Says:

    There’s 2 minutes left and right now the winner is Piqued for his witty take on NC’s original joke.

  90. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I remember him being black, yes. Mind you, he hid it well under that white man disguise he used to wear.

    Piqued – My apologies (can’t fucking believe I’ve just written that). I thought your “I can’t be arsed to explain, read back” comment was aimed at me.

  91. george Says:

    12 year old girl asks her mother ‘mummy, somebody told me babies come from were men put their willy in you’. ‘Yes, that’s right dear’ said mum. But won’t that hurt my mouth? The daughter enquired.

  92. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Jokes are shit.

  93. Clarry Says:

    Sorry, I didn’t understand your first joke George and that second one was rubbish. Maybe I should appoint an independent adjudicator? Anyway, i’ve already eaten the prize….

  94. george Says:

    The first one wasn’t a joke:

    http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2825804.html

    The second one was rubbish, I agree.

  95. piqued Says:

    No, George, for fucks sake

    I accused NC of not reading posts properly after he made a totally unrelated comment regarding your debut

    You then misread my reply thinking it was directed at you, hence ‘irony’

    NC, more irony, though your apology comes as pleasent surprise

    This place is more irony than the Forth Bridge

  96. george Says:

    Ah, yeah, that’s pretty ironic.

  97. Clarry Says:

    I understand now George, it was a statement not a joke. Read it again in ‘my mother in law…’ style and you’ll see how I got so confused. Sorry, i’m a bit slow on the uptake today.

  98. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Piqued – George’s debut comment was “Surely anybody who calls anybody or anything ‘PC’ should be disqualified from the argument, taken out back and shot?”, not about a Hitler Doll. That’s what I replied to, and it wasn’t unrelated.

    That doll of George’s sounds suspiciously like a fake ad Viz ran for a baby Hitler doll called ‘Ich Bin Ein Naughty Boy’.

  99. Swineshead Says:

    NC – I actually, genuinely agree. Jokes are shit.

  100. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Jokes are shit, yes. I can’t stand it when someone tells me a joke and then expects me to guffaw away at it. I never do, and then they get all uppity, and then tell me another one. Fucking jokes. Fuck ’em.

  101. Clarry Says:

    Yeah, down with jokes!

  102. george Says:

    Nobody actually tells a proper joke thinking they’ve been really amusing and witty though, do they? Kind of like the same way nobody watches Hollyoaks because they think it’s a high quality piece of serious drama.

  103. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I also enjoyed the Little Ted West bear Viz did, now I remember. The ads they run in that mag are great.

  104. Swineshead Says:

    Piqued does, but he is quite good at telling jokes. But he tells them when you are drunk and defences are low. Then he rapes you.

  105. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I don’t know why they tell jokes at all. Can’t people just say stuff from their own heads, as opposed to a stream of gags they’ve heard from someone else? I knew this boorish oaf once who only told you jokes, nothing else. That was an even worse night out than when I used to go drinking with coppers (fucking awful, by the way).

  106. george Says:

    I used to have an ICT teacher who was also an abysmal stand up comedian, and he used to sneak his routines into his teaching in the classroom. I’ve never had a prolonged awkward silence and not thought of him. Think David Brent crossed with Richard from Richard and Judy.

  107. Swineshead Says:

    So today we’ve ascertained that Popbitch’s joke is

    a.) possibly racist, but that’s debatable.
    b.) probably offensive
    c.) not a funny joke
    d.) again not funny, simply because it is a joke.

    We’ve all achieved something. We should be really proud.

  108. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    That was what my friend was like.

    Silence
    “Have you heard the one about …”
    Silence
    “There was this taxi-driver …”
    Silence
    “How many St. Bernards can you …”
    Silence

    A GREAT night out was had by him.

  109. Swineshead Says:

    What’s ICT?

  110. george Says:

    It’s better then reading all the circular tripe going around the football websites after the CL semi final, to boot.

  111. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Pride is a sin that’ll buy you a one-way ticket to Hades, Swineshead.

  112. george Says:

    ICT = Information communication technology.

  113. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Sounds fun.

  114. george Says:

    Depends if you like databases, spredsheets, body odour and such.

  115. Swineshead Says:

    NC – It might be if I didn’t believe I’m going to be eaten by worms when I’m dead and not going to a fictional land.

    George – if that’s what they’re teaching kids no wonder this country’s full of racists.

  116. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Obviously the body odour’s tempting. As for spreadsheets and databases? Fuck that. The only thing computers are good for is watching and storing porn.

  117. george Says:

    i know, it’s political correctness gone maaaad, I tell you…

  118. Who Says:

    I want to know why (several hours ago now) Wagonwheel was *looking at* a hot water bottle, on a warm-ish day, in the middle of the afternoon?

    In fact, probably best not to ask.

  119. Clarry Says:

    NC – I agree. The ads, Tops Tips and the letters page are the only funny bits in Viz, I barely bother with the strips themselves.

  120. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Clarry – The Profanisaurus is a work of genius, don’t forget. In dull magazine industry training programmes, they use it as a supreme example of a recurring feature. The only downside is Piqued gets his rubbish phrases published in it.

  121. piqued Says:

    Yes, three times and counting, expecting a 4th next issue

  122. Clarys Says:

    Sometimes I can never decide if you lot hate each other, or you just play it for laughs, or what.

    *scratches head*

    *ponders a bit*

  123. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Clarys – In real life, we all get along like a house on fire. We all work as volunteers in the Shoreditch branch of The Spastics Society. Me and Piqued are front of house, selling underpants, and Swineshead’s out back sorting through black bags. This site’s a sham.

  124. piqued Says:

    ‘Spastics Society’ That’s nice NC, it’s only been called ‘Scope’ for the past 20 years since the word ‘spastic’ was deemed offensive to Scopies you spaz

  125. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I never like using the new words. If Spastics Society was good enough for Churchill, it’s good enough for me. Same goes for:

    Marathons
    Opal Fruits
    Rhodesia

  126. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    And you’re a bigger spaz, by the way. A wheelchair-bound, dribbling boob with all piss down your buckled legs. Offended now, Joey?

  127. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    They changed Rhodesia’s name? I’m back, by the way and am no longer looking at a hot water bottle.

  128. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Apparently it’s called Zimbabwe now. Not in my world. Next they’ll be faffing about with Ceylon’s name.

  129. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Bastards, and Ceylon’s a damn good name too, none of that foreign nonsense like sri lanka or ‘beijing’ (although I never understood that one, Chinese people call it ‘pah-keng’. I think they’re having us on, the bastards. AND THAT’S NOT RACIST!)

  130. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve just put JQW on the WWM Most Racist list.

  131. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Hold those horses! It could be racist – you’ll have to ask Swineshead. He’s our racism authority … and has an enormous nose, incidentally.

    They’ve changed Peking’s name, have they? I don’t see why. If you’re going to bugger about with capital city names, why not start with Antananarivo? I’ve NEVER been able to say that out loud. ‘Peking’ was a peice of piss to say.

  132. Mikey Says:

    You cannot go to Bombay anymore!

  133. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    “I’ve just put JQW on the WWM Most Racist list”

    Below me, I assume? As WWM’s resident racist, I wouldn’t want to be beaten to first place by that arsehole.

  134. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I can go to Bombay, Mikey. You’ll not catch a racist like me calling it Mumbai.

  135. piqued Says:

    Would you all be quiet, I’m trying to read Proust, you cunts

  136. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Proust? Is he like Sven Hessel?

    I like the ones with all Nazis getting fucked over by the Commandos.

  137. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    A la recherche de plusiers Nazis – it’s about a commando who eats a biscuit and goes on a killing rampage in occupied France.

  138. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    There’s a good ‘un where the Nazis are developing a load of all robots to take over Britain. The British aren’t having it, so they send in a crack team of commandos to snap some necks and break some balls. The leader of the commandos is a loose cannon, a maverick, a rule-breaker. It’s the shitz.

    I think it was written by Kafka.

  139. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Kafka invented the hard-hat. Sorry.

  140. Mikey Says:

    JQW – “plusieurs” surely.

  141. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Did he? I thought that was David Crosby off of Crosby, Stills ‘n’ Nash? I was always led to believe Kafka invented the self-cleaning fanny ‘ammer.

  142. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    No, Kafka invented that one, the self-cleaning fanny hammer was the product of one N. Cockpit/Nappy Cockpart/N. C-Parte, who appears at odd moments in history, raping, murdering etc.

  143. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    I’ve just read on the internet that Piqued was recently photographed pushing all dog dirts up his arse in front of a pack of aghast children.

  144. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    And yes, fine, correct my French, it’s not like I have a 3-hour grammar exam on Tuesday or anything…

  145. Clarry Says:

    I did mean to include the Profanisaurus in that selection of good bits off of Viz. Piqued, tell me what your entries were.

  146. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Don’t ask him that, he’ll take it as a compliment. And we all know what happens when we compliment Piqued, don’t we?

  147. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    He farts.

    By the way, Wagonwheel, why don’t you get a fucking job, you lazy sod?

  148. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I’m a student, leave me alone.

  149. Napoleon Cockaparte Says:

    Once you pay the taxes we all have to do in order to be left alone, then I’ll leave you alone. Until then, get a job, you skiving bastard.

  150. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    if by ‘pay the taxes’ you mean ‘collect my massive tax-rebate’ then ok.

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