My flatmate loves Greys Anatomy. It’s a deep, animal love that means she can’t stop watching it, even though it makes her cry a lot. Any episode that doesn’t make her cry at least once is considered a failure. Men don’t watch many programs that make them cry. I think the closest we get is that scene in Flash Gordon where Brian Blessed finally realises that Flash is fighting for good, and they become chums. Or any film where two chaps have to shoot each other to stop them from falling into to enemy hands. That’s proper drama.
Anyway if you haven’t watched Grey’s Anatomy (and if you have testicles then that’s fairly likely), it’s about some doctors. They started off as apprentices or disciples or whatever baby Doctors are called before they qualify and develop halitosis. Now they are grown up and Greys Anatomy is about their lives. Their self-absorbed, feckless lives.
These Doctors should be having a great time snorting medical-grade cocaine off each other’s naughty bits while chuckling that they are going to be sickeningly rich for the rest of their lives, but they don’t. The program is about them all being rubbish at relationships and constantly hopping in and out of each other’s beds faster than you can say ‘unpleasant rash, probably sexually transmitted’.
Every time the characters are faced with a choice that might make them just a little bit happy they do the opposite. If two people get on for a bit, one of them is bound to die, slowly. Any chance for contentment is purely temporary as the cause of it will be crushed under the iron fist of misery. While this is initially charming – other people suffering is always good for a giggle – ultimately it’s deeply annoying. I say this because I’ve accidentally watched quite a few episodes (okay four seasons of it) because my flatmate seems to feed of it like an electronic teat of suffering and despair.
All of the characters in it need a good kick in the face and to be told that their life really isn’t that bloody hard. Instead they just waltz about flicking their impossibly coiffeured hair and spout trite truisms at each other in the lift. The lift is very important in the show; it’s apparently where Doctors go to spawn.
I hate the characters. Hate. They seem to take joy in being victims. It is program for people who like being sad.
Here is a summary of the characters. Warning contain spoilers.
Sort of Germanic looking one who fancies ‘McDreamy’ but has so many issues she will never be happy. She has very annoying hair. I think she has shagged everyone else in the show but I’m not sure.
The Blonde One
Had an affair with the one with the wonky eye and the one who looks like a boy. She loved a man for a bit and he proposed and then he DIED. Ha – that’ll learn her.
Wonky Eye Man
He shagged the blonde one and then told his mates or something. I don’t really care. Apparently he has a dark past. One of his eyes is a bit wonky
Boy-man who looks about three years old. Accidentally married another doctor-lady with nice hair but then he shagged the blonde one. He didn’t get on with his dad, then they got on, so his dad died.
She went out with a surgeon for a bit and they were happy so he got shot and it fucked up his arm. Then he went away, so she got sad. She doesn’t appear to be in the breeding program anymore
Faux Irish spaz who everyone fancies because he has oily hair. Sexual history can best be described as ‘miscellaneous’.
McTasty (possibly the wrong name)
Ex best friend of McDreamy who has a beard. He does plastic surgery on people and slept with McDreamy’s wife and anyone else who he can.
There are some other ones too. They shag each other and have a sad time.
Oh – and there was a bit with a dog. Guess what? It died.