EastEnders: SUCCESS

by

Winston

If you watched Eastenders last night, you’ll know that the WWM petition started all those months ago has finally enforced a result. No longer is Winston, the CD vendor of Albert Square market considered a bit-part player. No longer will he smirk in the background at comical incidents, like when Minty inadvertantly revealed that he’d hidden a budgie in a garage. No longer will he simmer in the background over the fact his market stall got driven into once, a few years ago.

For last night, Winston got a line. He had a brief chat with Peggy Mitchell. 

What’s more, he followed it up with further dialogue as Gus left the square. The fact that this was the most unrealistic au revoir in the history of the Square is irrelevant. Winston proved himself equal to any of the other second rate actors that populate Walford – people like Jane’s gay brother, the small ginger child Bianca’s dragged along with her and Shabnam (who’s only there on looks after all).

But, my friends, this is not the end. This is only the beginning. We need to build on our success. With four signatures on the petition we have marked a change in British television history. It will take guts and determination to reach our target of one million independent signatures. From there, we can get Winston his own spin off series, ‘Winning with Winston’ about the ups and downs of a West Indian market trader in a fictional London Borough.

Let’s make it happen.

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26 Responses to “EastEnders: SUCCESS”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    Apparently comments are broken again.
    Blast.
    Have attempted to fix.

  2. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Seem to be working for me.

  3. Swineshead Says:

    Oh…

  4. george Says:

    All is well here.

  5. Swineshead Says:

    Hooray!

  6. Swineshead Says:

    PS – Sign the petition. Sign for change.

  7. george Says:

    I’ve been wanting to ask you guys actually, what do you all make of the GTAIV kuffour? All the implications that it’s destroying our youth and the like.

  8. Swineshead Says:

    I love GTAs Vice City, San Andreas and Liberty City Stories. But Scarface is better, in my opinion…

    It’s bollocks that games, films or books can mess with a mind, unless that mind is damaged in the first place.

    I was watching hardcore porn and snuff films from the age of 3. NEVE R DUN ME NO HARMS

  9. george Says:

    Apart from when you killed those two girls and blamed it on that caretaker from their school.

  10. Swineshead Says:

    Is that you Maxine?
    You said you’d never tell.

    Besides, it;’s not related. You don’t drown people in GTA, you just shoot ’em up all good.

  11. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    GTA is brilliant. I mean, to be honest, who DOESN’T get the urge to batter old women in the face with golf clubs? Anyone?…..Hello?

  12. Swineshead Says:

    See – in Scarface you can’t kill or maim innocent members of the public. Just gangster bastards.

    Unless you take on the role of enforcer or hired assassin. In which case it’s your job to kill members of the public.

    But it’s not real grannies. It’s just quite unrealistic representations of them.

  13. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    That sounds rubbish.

    Oh and incidentally GTA IV will blow your mind.

  14. Swineshead Says:

    I’m not willing to pay 300 quid or thereabouts for a games console, so it’ll have to wait, GTA IV.

  15. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Same, I played it on a friend’s. It is bloody amazing though. In this one if you don’t get into a car you’re jacking quickly enough, you get dragged along the road, holding onto the handle or open door. I was also in a van at one point, hit a car that pulled out suddenly, flew through the windscreen, onto the car bonnet denting it and then onto the road.

  16. Swineshead Says:

    That sounds immense. Until the third time it happens. Then just flat out boring as fuck.

    San Andreas really wasn’t all it cracked up to be I didn’t feel.

  17. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    No, unlike in the other games, the way actions happen like the identical carjacking process is different pretty much every time and you can get better at it.

    San Andreas was the worst so far I’d say. Just didn’t have the right feel to it. Back to Liberty City in IV though.

  18. Swineshead Says:

    Fair enough… and Vice City was the best for me. And Scarface is very similar to it but with the kinks ironed out.

    I am eating chicken katsu curry, be jealous.

    And sign the petition.

  19. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I’m eating aspirin to recover from my very heavy night of it last night.

  20. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    You know, the sort of night where lib dem canvassing descends into drinking two bottles of wine and having boobs drawn on your arms.

  21. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    *Signs petition*

    Boobs, mind.

  22. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Quiet in here today…

  23. Clarry Says:

    coz I can’t get on here, that’s why!

    Hang on, if you can read this, then i’m in. Huzzah!

  24. Swineshead Says:

    Ah – so you worked it out then?

    Well done!

  25. Clarry Says:

    No, didn’t do anything it just worked eventually.

    Personally, I blame WWM.

    *joking*

  26. extremelisteningmode Says:

    Congrats to WWM on this breakthrough!

    Now lobby them for an all-in cast suicide.

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