Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull



You have to wonder just how much influence Tom Cruise has in the world these days, or at least how much influence he has over Steven Spielberg.

The first three Indy movies were heavily based in Christian mythology, then there was this 19 year break during which the cult membered egotist made a few films with everyone’s favourite family flick helmer, and then Indy returns and discovers that the world is pretty much like Scientology have claimed all along. And they said War of the Worlds was just a popcorn movie…

So Indy is back after nearly two decades, and boy is he old. Old, old, old. He’s so old that he keeps pointing out how old he is – he’s so old that even his immortal Dad has died, and he’s so old that it’s now the 1950s and it’s the Russians who need thwarting. For a guy who was last seen drinking the fountain of youth, he sure is old.

The movie is old too. Not old in that kind of timeless way, but old in that kind of ‘we’ve seen it all before’ way. It’s a bit sad to see him trying to recreate his youth, slapping on that weary grimace and plodding through the motions again – and the thing is, he’s still good at it and he’s still enjoyable to watch, but truthfully he’s never going to be as good as he once was. He’s fun to be around because he’ll never lose his magic – but like the later albums by Stevie Wonder proved, he should have just quit when he was ahead.

The plot is utter bollocks – something about a magnetic quartz skull which might have belonged to a conquistador, but turns out to be from one of the aliens who engineered civilization. At the point where a CGI Lawnmower Man alien stares into the camera and a flying saucer decimates a Mayan temple you realise that this is a Thetan history lesson; the Christian undertones of the previous three films having been undermined and replaced with a B-movie hokiness.

Since Sean Connery wouldn’t come out of retirement and Denholm Elliot was actually dead, they cast familiar actors to fill their void – Ray Winstone is in it for no good reason, playing a character with little or no purpose; John Hurt crops up as deranged exposition spouter, a sort of savant version of his Da Vinci Code role and Spielberg’s current hard-on for Shia LaBoeuf continues with his role as hetero-gay biker sidekick Mutt.

LaBoeuf is ok, clearly being primed for another appearance, and Hurt is suitably camp but annoyingly predictable – it’s only Winstone who stands out as terrible – an empty shell of a clichéd stereotype. He’s been more convincing selling us Holsten Pils.

The movie is much like that moment in Terminator 3 where Arnie puts the comedy shades on at the beginning; it’s knowingly self referential, and kind of makes sense given the characters position in popular culture – but at the same time it robs him of the genuine charm that made you love him in the first place. The whole film is one big wink to the camera, as if George Lucas were stood in the corner of the screen pointing to all the in-jokes – “look, it’s the Ark of the Covenant, do you remember that? Wow, Raiders was a good film wasn’t it?”

Crystal Skull’s opening sequence is a fun set piece set in a huge warehouse, before it moves to a highly misjudged nuclear bomb sequence in the Arizona desert. We’re then treated to a medley of jet powered train rides, flying fridge escapes and CGI gophers. It’s all a little too silly and a little too convenient. It undermines Indiana Jones as a character and instead makes him a beneficiary of continued good luck.

That’s not to say that it’s not an entertaining film, because it is. Overall it’s very enjoyable and there are some good sequences, not to mention the very welcome return of Karen Allen who genuinely lights up the screen when she’s around. There’re bike chases, ESP, nuclear bombs and killer ants and huge waterfalls and all manner of really cool moments – but none of them really work like they used to.

It’s too knowing, too openly funny, too much of a movie to ever let you forget it’s a movie… you don’t get sucked in, you groan and sigh and wish it wasn’t quite as lame as you begin to realise it is.

Seeing Indy staggering around this new 1950’s time period is like watching fat Elvis in Vegas; he’s great to see because you love him, but he looks out of place in time. By moving forward Indy has become outdated, his jacket and fedora now look like a costume, his style of adventuring having ended in the previous decade.

It doesn’t really matter, of course – it’s just a film and an ok one at that. It’s not a meditative reflection of the soul, it’s a popcorn flick and isn’t meant to be taken too seriously. At the same time, though, you just wish that they’d had the sense to leave it where it was before – as a great trilogy of films. Seeing Indy now just reminds you that your heroes get old – that they’ll get worse over time and their legend will fade.

It’s not quite the childhood rape that the new Star Wars films were, but it’s gets dangerously close at times. It’s a savage irony of life that George Lucas has the ability to create incredible and hugely popular characters and then totally fuck them up with bad decisions. Spielberg is as much to blame her as well, though – by listening to the bearded money-eater he’s forgotten that films are meant to have good stories, not just iconic lead characters and in-jokes.

It’s still good to be in Indy’s company again, though – he’s been missed and although he’s not as good as he once was, it’s nice to have him back.

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243 Responses to “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    I watched 50 minutes of it. Quite enjoyed it. The nuclear blast bit was ace. Didn’t make it to the end.

    Temple of Doom and Last Crusade were both a bit shit, don’t let nostalgia deceive you. You’d have been better off watching Hard Rock Zombies on George’s recommendation.

  2. Mikey Says:

    Theye were talking about this film on the radio the other day and the chap was saying that the actual ” Crystal Skull ” as an archaeological artefact was a bit disappointing. Comparing this to the previous films where the artefacts were quite interesting, and more thought provoking.

    Any comments on this?

  3. george Says:

    They don’t make films like HRZ anymore. Or Murder in Law. It’s a sad time we live in.

  4. george Says:

    Nice review, I was wondering if it was going to be in the same vein as that Star Wars tripe.

  5. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Seen ‘The Living Dead In Manchester Morgue’, SH? That’s a laugh. I also enjoyed ‘Chopper Chicks In Zombie Town’ and the simple ‘Redneck Zombies’.

  6. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Plus there were crystal skulls in Peep Show this week. How’s that for cunning writing?

  7. george Says:

    Yeah, that was well funny. ‘sorry science, apologies ration’.

  8. Swineshead Says:

    I have seen TLDIMM, JQW. It’s worth watching for the badly dubbed cockney accents alone…

  9. Jamie Says:

    Yeah noticed that in Peep Show, great bit of writing. I still didn’t take that woman seriously when she said she believed in Crystal Skulls.

    Saw the film last week, can’t give it more than 6/10. That Shia lad is proper annoying, not his own fault but he is in EVERY blockbuster at the moment. Not literally.

    Anyone else notice the ‘russian’ woman slipping out of ‘russian’ every so often?

  10. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    What, Cate Blanchett? That’d be because she’s a fairly terrible actress.

  11. Swineshead Says:

    I don’t think I’ve watched any films with Blanchett in. Doesn’t she just make shit films? I think it’s tied into her contract.

  12. george Says:

    The gift was wank. The life aquatic was OK though.

  13. Dave Medlo Says:

    I’m Not There, the Bob Dylan movie, was ace… and didn’t she do a good Katherine Hepburn impression in the Aviator?

  14. Jamie Says:

    Oh was it Blanchett? Genuinely hadn’t noticed.

    She’s in Lord of The Rings.

  15. Swineshead Says:

    I didn’t see I’m Not There. I’d rather listen to a Dylan album than watch a load of second rate actors do bad Bob Dylan impressions.

    The Aviator had Leo DiCaprio in it didn’t it? No point watching that one then – probably the least charismatic movie star since Steve Guttenberg (and that’s doing a disservice to Steve)

  16. george Says:

    She was in LOTR? After 9 or so hours I thought I would have noticed her.

  17. Swineshead Says:

    I haven’t seen any of the Lord of the Rings movies. Bloody awful books, no doubt turned into bloody awful films.

    Life Aquatic was alright, but not great.

    Let’s face it, most things are a bit shit.

  18. Jamie Says:

    Steve Guttenberg rules, along with Rick (Egg) Moranis and the rest of the crazy bunch from way back when…..

  19. Jamie Says:

    Seeing those BT commercials is making me want a Gremlins 3.

  20. Swineshead Says:

    You’re allowing nostalgia at your controls, Jamie. A dangerous game. next thing you know you’ll be wearing a thundercats t shirt and getting out a Quantum Leap box-set.

  21. Jamie Says:

    Yeah she’s….can’t remember the name….an elf queen, who….I dunno.

  22. Jamie Says:

    It hurt me emotionally seeing Breakfast Club slagged off earlier.

    Of COURSE it’s crap. But that’s beside the point when it comes to John Bender and co.

  23. Swineshead Says:

    What – starring Peter Jones?! Fuck that.

  24. Jamie Says:

    Haha oh come on that would be hilarious. They would kill him, don’t worry. Then spend his money on golf buggy and various other things that it would be funny to see Gremlins riding around in.

    This is a great idea! I can see the plot now. Hmm need investment. Might pitch it to Dra……oh.

  25. piqued Says:

    The Aviator isn’t bad actually

  26. piqued Says:

    …but you’re right about The Lord of the Ringpeices’

  27. george Says:

    Bender from Futurama was named after Bender in the Breakfast club, I think.

  28. Jamie Says:

    The Aviator sounds borrring. Is it really any good? Plus it was confusing, he had just brought out a plane-related film. (Catch Me If You Can)

  29. Jamie Says:

    That makes Bender even greater, and does explain his ridiculous amount of bravado.

  30. Swineshead Says:

    Futurama is boring.

  31. Jamie Says:

    It is mostly, but Bender is genius.

  32. george Says:

    It’s a nice touch, isn’t it? That’s just one of my many Futrama related factoids. It’s amazing I’m still single.

  33. Jamie Says:

    Actually screw it, I think Futurama is slightly underrated. It can be cack at times, but some of the things Fry and Bender come out with are easily the equal of Homer or Peter.

    Now everyone’s going to say The Simpons/Family Guy/Everything except The Day Today is shit.

  34. george Says:

    Futurama is genius. It’s kind of a geek thing though, so if you don’t get half of the references I can see it been a bit tedious to watch.

  35. Jamie Says:

    Some of the jokes are a bit elistist geek, yes.

    Like assuming most of it’s fans are Trekkies (devoting an entire episode to Star Trek).

    THat was insanely boring for me.

  36. george Says:

    It is a tad. I think about 10% of the jokes in it will only make you laugh if have a postgraduate degree in computer science. A friend who does tried to explain them to me, and I got bored very quickly.

  37. Napoleon Says:

    I’d say The Simpsons has gone off the boil a bit lately. Family Guy seems to be improving with age, though there’s still an over-reliance on those ‘this is like the time I was John Denver’s roadie’ jokes they do. Futurama’s great, and Swineshead’s an idiot for finding it boring. Lord of the Rings was claptrap for people who won’t grow up, The Breakfast Club is, was and always will be shit, and DiCaprio’s good in The Departed. Finally, the new Indy film’s alright. It’s not as good as Last Crusade, but does knock spots off Temple of Doom (the Attack of the Clones of the Indiana Jones universe). So there.

  38. george Says:

    Agree with you on The Simpsons NP, it’s been grinding to a halt since 10th season. Some of the writers from the first 10 seasons jumped ship to Furutama, incidentally. But South Park pisses on family guy, the simpsons, futrama, king of the hill and everything else from a very high height.

  39. John A Thomson Says:

    Sad fact is there are very few really good movies coming out of Hollywood for many years now. Same formulaic junk time and time again. Let’s have some originality for once please.

  40. Swineshead Says:

    I like The Simpsons, Family Guy and The Day Today. And Futurama is ok but not quite up to scratch. I am being very negative today, I notice. that’s the first nice thing I’ve said today.

  41. george Says:

    The Day to Day is great, but you don’t need a pleb like me to tell you that.

  42. Swineshead Says:

    The Departed was ok. But just ‘ok’.

  43. Swineshead Says:

    The standard of debate here’s dropped off recently, by the way. Can’t we talk about the best frozen food or best celebrity moustache?

  44. Napoleon Says:

    I enjoyed The Departed (or The DepAAARted to use the hideous pronunciation on display in the film). I’ll happily watch anything that sees DiCaprio take a bullet to the head.

    Haven’t watched The Day Today in years. I had it on video, but steam pistons went in my VCR, so I can’t watch anything on it anymore. Do they have it on DVD?

  45. Badger Madge Says:

    Crystal Skull improves with a second viewing. Give it a go…

  46. Jamie Says:

    If you want to see a community that literally hates EVERYTHING. (i.e. way more than this one) – check out Cook’d and Bomb’d, a Day Today – based site that does a worst of comedy awards every year. They worship Chris Morris yet hate half the stuff he’s done also.

    I agree with…well everyone almost.

    Napoleon – Breakfast Club is kind of brilliant though, isn’t it? Like how they act when they’ve all just smoked weed is absolutely hilarious.

    Family Guy – Yeah, it’s got a very clear formula, and doesn’t shock me anymore but is still getting better.

    New Indy film is boring.

    South Park – Pretty good, close one with Family Guy for me.

    John A Thomson – Give Asia Extreme films a go if you want Hollywood style blockbusters only with good plots, good acting and interesting themes. Oldboy is one of my favourite films ever.

  47. Swineshead Says:

    Jamie – I’ve got Cyborg to watch this week, by the Oldboy guy. Went on an Asia Extreme shopping haul at the weekend. Best film industry going at the moment.

    Cookd and Bombd is impossible to read without getting two comments in and then just thinking ‘please take your head out of your own anus’.

  48. george Says:

    Oldboy is class. Minging twist, but class. I think the problem with the Breakfast Club is it was written 20 odd years ago so it looks really dated and hackneyed now, but compare it to the crap ‘gross out’ teen films of my generation (American bastard pie) and I think it’s really well written.

  49. Jamie Says:

    Swineshead – Give A Bittersweet Life a go if you haven’t already. Any others you recommend from that area? QUite enjoyed The Host.

    You can find The Day Today DVD for about £6.99.

  50. george Says:

    Koyaanisqatsi is good, if you still like narcotics. Don’t know how you could get through them without though.

  51. george Says:

    hang on, that’s not even asian. Ignore me.

  52. Napoleon Says:

    Jamie – I don’t find Emilio Estevez dancing about supposedly on weed ‘hilarious’, no.

  53. Swineshead Says:

    Not heard of that one Jamie… you’ve probably seen some of these but some good ones I’ve seen include Reincarnation, The Happiness of the Katakuris, A Tale of Two Sisters, Audition and Dark Water.

    I thought The Grudge was rubbish though.

  54. Napoleon Says:

    Can’t be doing with them Asian ‘orrors, neither. The missus watches ’em, and they all seem so similar to me. Maniac Cop, that’s what you should all watch.

  55. Jamie Says:

    Oh come on Napoleon, it’s so bad it’s good! And all that.

    Ah well.

    Irony. It’s like goldy and bronzey only it’s made of iron – Said by someone much smarter than me.

  56. Swineshead Says:

    They are a bit similar, to be fair. Dead little girls chasing fit women. That’s about the size of it.

    Maniac Cop is a great film, but I haven’t watched it since I was 8.

  57. Dave Medlo Says:

    Departed – ace!
    Aviator – less ace, but still a bit ace.
    Futurama – acer!
    Simpsons – ace in the day, still ace but not as ace as it was!
    Family Guy – getting ace!
    South Park – probably the most ace, and getting acer!
    Maniac Cop – utterly ace!
    Breakfast Club – ace when you’re 15!

  58. Dave Medlo Says:

    Wow – ‘ace’ really stops looking like a word after the 3rd or so use.

  59. Jamie Says:

    Dave are you from Nottingham? Hear ace a lot there.

  60. Dave Medlo Says:

    Actually yes I am… although not lived there for 10 years or so. My missus is also from Nottingham, but she never uses the word ace.

  61. Swineshead Says:

    Lincolnshire is next door to Nottinghamshire. I’ve had my fill of hearing the word ‘ace’ from growing up in the godforsaken fens.

  62. Napoleon Says:

    No. It’s so bad, it’s shit. The same applies to most of that rubbish from the 80s. The only one I think I’d enjoy now would be The Sure Thing. The rest – Young Guns, The Lost Boys, Ferris Bueller, Pump Up The Volume, Pretty In Pink, Heathers, etc. – I’ve seen again as an adult and hated ’em all. I’m only unsure about The Sure Thing because I’ve not seen it in twenty years.

  63. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon’s not only wrong, he’s also pug-ugly.

  64. Jamie Says:

    My missus is from Nottingham. And she still does a bit. Even though we’re down here in Brighton now.

  65. Dave Medlo Says:

    The Sure Thing is actually a really good movie still – most early Cusack still holds up well, even Better off Dead.

    Pump Up the Volume was just about my favourite movie as a teenger – tits and rebellion, what 15 year old could ask for more? I deliberately haven’t gone back to it because I know it’s nowhere near as good as I remember it being.

    I learnt that lesson from Spaceballs – to my memory it’s the funniest film ever, in reality it’s fucking awful…

  66. Good Dog Says:

    John Hurt in The Da Vinci Code? Was he a painting or the bar of soap?

    Some special fund should be set up where everyone pays a tenner and then the money is handed over to George Lucas on the condition that he fucks off and never cunts up another movie people enjoyed from their childhood/youth.

  67. Napoleon Says:

    I’m wrong that I personally hate 80s teen movies? I don’t see how. Anyway, I’m not taking lessons from the type of person who’s obsessed with shitwit zombie movies. I’ve seen God knows how many of them, and they’ve all been badly-made crap. Except Maniac Cop.

  68. Jamie Says:

    Maniac Cop is probably the best name of a film ever.

    I am sad that Napoleon is shattering my illusions regarding 80s teen movies….

  69. george Says:

    We say ace a lot in Northampton, which is near Nottingham.

  70. Napoleon Says:

    Pump Up The Volume appealed to me when I was a teenager in that ‘Nobody understands me’ phase. The moment I grEw out of that, I thought the navel-gazing, spoiled, little prick lead character needed a damn good thrashing. Life’s so unfair when your parents pay for a swanky basement pad equipped with your own lizard, a great record collection, and your own radio station. Little runt.

  71. Swineshead Says:

    NC – you said ‘it’s shit’. There was no prefix to suggest that was your personal opinion. And you WILL take lessons from me, by god you will.

  72. Swineshead Says:

    PUTV – it was wel funy wen he slap his neck like he was doin a wanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  73. Clarys Says:

    – Cate Blanchett was Galadriel in Lord of the Rings, the Elfy Queen person. She’s fabulous in Elizabeth (not the second one).
    – The Aviator is a genuinely enjoyable film, and one of the few that DiCaprio isn’t entirely shit in.
    – Futurama is mint.
    – And I’m not sure I want to see Indiana Jones after reading this review….

  74. Napoleon Says:

    I’m not shattering your illusions, Jamie. I’m shattering mine. These films were made for my age group in the 80s, and I loved ’em … in the 80s. The illusion shattering started when I grew up and started watching grown-up movies. That was the moment I realised a film such as The French Connection had more to offer me than Heathers. I’ve never been particularly nostalgic.

  75. Jamie Says:

    I would hate having a lizard.

  76. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – In the case of The Breakfast Club, it is just shit. Utter shit. As shit, if not shitter, than Young Guns II. Shitter than Flatliners. Shitter, even, than a gallon of Footloose, and a big fat shot of St. Elmo’s Fire.

  77. Dave Medlo Says:

    “Some special fund should be set up where everyone pays a tenner and then the money is handed over to George Lucas on the condition that he fucks off and never cunts up another movie people enjoyed from their childhood/youth.”

    Good Dog – watch this from about 4min 40secs in, I think you’ll find it strangely comforting…

    And you’re right about John Hurt – that was my mistake, it ws Ian McKellen I was thinking of.

  78. Jamie Says:

    Clarys – I think I knew the name was Galadriel or similar, just didn’t wanna show how much I knew about LOTR. Thanks for doing it for me :p

    Don’t bother with Indy. ESPECIALLY if you liked the original trilogy. My opinion, anyway.

  79. Jamie Says:

    These’s also a South Park episode EXACTLY on the subject of Messrs Lucas and Spielberg ruining old films, only with new politically-correct terms for terrorists and walkie talkies instead of guns.

  80. Napoleon Says:

    The original Indy movies weren’t THAT marvellous, for fuck’s sake. This new one’s knockabout summer fluff (like Indy I & III), and much more fun than the po-faced Temple of Doom. What were people expecting? A masterpiece from the man who’s recently supplied us with Minority Report, War of the Worlds and that miserable bloody Munich bugger?

  81. Jamie Says:

    Jamie = has only watched 15 minutes of the entire original trilogy. My opinion here is definitely important.

  82. Napoleon Says:

    So you’re an expert on the subject, then?

  83. Dave Medlo Says:

    The key point here is nostalgia – as films from the 80’s the original Indy movies they’re great (yes, even Doom which I personally love)… even watching them now as an adult they’re still highly entertaining and you forgive them their flaws because of a great childhood affinity for them. The new one comes without that inbuilt nostalgia and you judge it much more harshly.

    Crystal Skull is actually probably just as good as the other three, but without a predetermined affection it comes across as just another movie that’s ok.

  84. Jamie Says:

    I would say so.

  85. Dave Medlo Says:

    South Park is still one of the most progressively funny and satirically sharp shows on TV. Their Imaginationland trilogy was a work of genius… and they keep getting better. I’m glad that it’s no longer a kids show with pencil cases and lunchboxes and catchphrases and is finally allowed to be the parody for adults it always should have been

    The key point here is nostalgia – as films from the 80’s the original Indy movies they’re great (yes, even Doom which I personally love)… even watching them now as an adult they’re still highly entertaining and you forgive them their flaws because of a great childhood affinity for them. The new one comes without that inbuilt nostalgia and you judge it much more harshly.

    Crystal Skull is actually probably just as good as the other three, but without a predetermined affection it comes across as just another movie that’s ok.

  86. george Says:

    I did like the bit where the girl blinks and has love you written on her eyelids.

    Thus ends my take on the indy debacle.

  87. Dave Medlo Says:

    Oops… more repetition repetition repetition problems.

  88. Jamie Says:

    Yeah funny that about South Park – I sorta came back to it about a year ago thinking ‘hmm, I’ve gorn up now, it might seem juvenile’ but was very pleased to see that South Park has gornw up with me and is indeed very, very satirical.

    They’ve come a long way from “Cartman Gets An Anal Probe.”

  89. Jamie Says:


  90. Jamie Says:

    Blimey I spelt it wrong twice. Clearly haven’t grnworn up enough.

  91. Napoleon Says:

    Why do you have to ‘forgive them’ their flaws? I was obsessed with Star Wars as a kid, yet watched The Empire Strikes Back recently and was bored beyond shitless by it. I didn’t ‘forgive it’ its seemingly never-ending Yoda training sequences or its school-play acting or its idiot dialogue simply because I loved the movie when I was eight years old. Surely something wasn’t that great in the first place if you have to keep making excuses for it?

  92. Dave Medlo Says:

    “Surely something wasn’t that great in the first place if you have to keep making excuses for it?”

    Yeah, that’s kind of my point – as a kid you don’t notice the flaws you just love it or you don’t… as you get older, or grnworn up as James says, you see it more clearly for what it is…

    The difference is between you and me – I’ll forgive it because I loved it once, you’ll spurn hatred and never watch it again. I hate to think how you treat your ex’s, or friends you haven’t seen in a while…

  93. Dave Medlo Says:

    That was a joshing jape of a joke by the way, and for some reason I wrote James instead of Jamie… looks like I have the same problems.

  94. Napoleon Says:

    I’d keelhaul most of my ex-girlfriends, if I’m honest.

    I don’t know what you mean by ‘spurn hatred’. You bloated American buffoon.

  95. Clarry Says:

    ‘I did like the bit where the girl blinks and has love you written on her eyelids.’

    Yes that was a bit that always stuck in my mind. However, when it was repeated the other week it was cut out. Do you reckon it was to show paedo teachers that it’s not alright to do it with your students?

  96. Napoleon Says:

    On a different subject, I’m on to my second Scotch Egg of the day. Ideal as a snack or a light meal.

  97. Dave Medlo Says:

    I think I meant spew hatred – to spurn hatred would be to be opposed to it, and that’s not the American way.

  98. Swineshead Says:

    Scotch eggs. That’s more like it. Ideal with a bit of branston.

    I tend to eat mine as though I’m devouring a savoury apple.

  99. Napoleon Says:

    Oh, I see. So you think I’m spewing hatred because I don’t like Star Wars and The Breakfast Club anymore? It’s not that I’m a big boy now who doesn’t enjoy children’s films, then? No? Because I was born in the 70s I now have to tow the party line by joining in the 80s nostalgia love-fest that’s going on at the moment, do I?

    Well, sorry, but I don’t want to. The 80s were awful, and a lot of the entertainment that stemmed from that era was awful too. Just because I enjoyed rubbish like The A-Team and Manimal then, doesn’t mean I have to spend my time banging on about how great they were now. They weren’t great, and I only thought they were because I was an idiot kid who wouldn’t have known decent entertainment if it had kicked me up the arse.

    Carry on walking about in an Atari t-shirt and spending hours in the pub debating the merits of the Commodore 64 if you want, but don’t expect everyone of the same generation to join in with the love-in. Usually people get self-indulgently nostalgic when they reach the latter stages of their lives, not five minutes after the era’s just finished. Grow up.

  100. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead’s way of eating a Scotch Egg is the only correct way to do it. My missus removes the egg, and treats egg and sausage as two seperate entities. I’ve considered leaving her over this.

  101. Swineshead Says:

    He’s gone all moody now.

    Medlo – buy NC a Twister to cheer him up. He likes Twisters.

  102. Swineshead Says:

    I know a fellow who eats his scotch egg with a knife and fork. He’s a dickhead.

  103. Napoleon Says:

    With a knife and fork? Is he mentally ill?

  104. george Says:

    When you’re a kid you don’t really have the tools for critical interrogation of any text. That’s why kids programmes are crap.

  105. Dave Medlo Says:

    I was only trying to explain the different reactions people have to things they watch as a child. Everyone sees them as they really are when you grow up, the only difference is some people forgive them their sins while others don’t…

    There’s nothing worse than 30-something haircuts sat in the pub wearing their ‘Back to the Eighties’ t-shirts and hee-hawing about how cool Masters of the Universe was and doing impressions of the A-Team. This sort of milkable nostalgia is dangerous as pretty soon we’ll have no originality left, just remakes of remakes of remakes.

    Every TV show that was ever vaguely successful in the last 30 years has, at some point, been reimagined for a modern audience thirsty for nostalgia. A few work – Battlestar for example – but for every one of those you have a hundred Dukes of Hazzard or Starsky and Hutch movies which just illustrate how lame the original idea was.

    To quote Pump Up The Volume and go full circle – “there’s nothing new anymore, no-one to look up to – all the good themes have been used up and turned into theme parks.”

  106. Napoleon Says:

    Indeed they are, George. Still doesn’t seem to stop thirty year old men and women buying special edition DVD box sets of Thundercats and Terrahawks though. Fucking morons with more money than sense.

  107. Dave Medlo Says:

    “Still doesn’t seem to stop thirty year old men and women buying special edition DVD box sets of Thundercats and Terrahawks though.”

    I saw a box set the other day that was Thundercats Season Two Part One… who the fuck buys two box sets of Thundercats just so they can complete their season two collection?

    Fucking idiots.

  108. piqued Says:

    Back to the Future parts 1 & 2 have stood up to the test of time more than anything mentioned in this context so far

    Eat that like a scotchegg/apple WITHOUT pickle, a spot of salad cream perhaps…

  109. Napoleon Says:

    Thanks for that piece of Pump Up The Volume wisdom there, Dave. Clearly Christian Slater’s character was too busy indulging in Leonard Cohen records and a free lizard to see there was plenty of new things to look forward to in the future. I bet his character works in a bank now … and hates teenagers.

  110. Swineshead Says:

    Thundercats was alright. Especially Cheetara. I wouldn’t usually find myself lusting after a feline form, but aged eight and with a bald erection, I could really have given Cheetara one – right up her catflap.

  111. piqued Says:

    ‘I wouldn’t usually find myself lusting after a feline form’

    …a badly drawn one at that


  112. Dave Medlo Says:

    or dead from an AIDs infected syringe he got stabbed with in juvie court… it look cool when he gets arrested at the end, but prison is a dangerous place for a pretty boy like Christian Slater.

  113. Dave Medlo Says:

    …especially with a name like Happy Harry Hard-On. I bet the Hells Angels loved that pretty little monicker.

  114. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – I never got on with part II of that trilogy. It struck me as overly complicated. Still, I’d say the Back To The Future films have held up better than most 80s gubbins.

    I can’t agree with you on the scotch egg thing. Salad cream? Horrible stuff. What’s wrong with egg and sausage on its own?

    Dave – Nobody needs a Thundercats box set, nobody.

  115. Napoleon Says:

    Thundercats was very badly drawn, Piqued. The only female cartoon character I’ve ever lusted after was one of those Battle of the Planets girls. Having not seen Battle of the Planets in over two decades, I forget who it was. She wore a helmet, if that helps.

  116. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Must say, I’m with Napoleon on all of this. I’m a grumpy fucker. I saw a late 30s man in the lift at Goodge Street station the other day wearing a bomber jacket open over his atari t-shirt. He was practically a midget too. I stared at him and sent the psychic message ‘you’re a twat, you’re a depressing bald twat in an atari t-shirt, you twat.’

    And yes, the Back To The Future trilogy stands as the blockbuster trilogy that has lasted well – perhaps because it’s fine to look like a kitsch stereotype of your time period if that’s what you’re doing to other time periods in the film.

  117. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I really don’t get the appeal of the whole 80s revival. The decade was a heap of shit. A decade of greed and poor taste, bands with so much echo on the mic. that you can’t hear the words in the verse, just the odd rousing chorus. It really was God-awful. Thank fuck I didn’t have to live through it.

  118. piqued Says:

    I know which Battle of Planets girl you mean, she did a tumble at the start of the show and showed off her anime kecks

  119. Swineshead Says:

    The fact you’re 12 means you’re not really poised to comment, JQW.

    And dissing people because of hair loss and height is a bit off.

  120. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    People who ‘dress ironically’ really rile me. You may be jokingly wearing a neon visor, but I don’t see anybody laughing with you, you twat.

    But yes, the 80s – where neon and he-woman (Daryl Hannah) were considered attractive. Bollocks.

    I’m ill and as such in a bad mood.

  121. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I wasn’t dissing him in that regard – it just seemed like he was dressing in an outlandishly twattish way as a crutch.

  122. george Says:

    I was four when it ended. I can’t remember much. I like dazed and confused though, that’s from the 80s.

  123. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – That’ll be the one. Showing off her knickers at the start. Yes. Her.

    I quite fancied Daryl Hannah in the 80s. In that mermaid film with Tom Hanks.

  124. Swineshead Says:

    Dazed & Confused? The film? May be set in the 80s, but it was made in the 90s weren’t it?

    Shit film. Fucking awful.

  125. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    But do you go around wearing a neon dazed and confused visor while knowingly winking in a way that says ‘aren’t I wacky, guys? guys?’

  126. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    She looks like she should be off of Gladiators. Also, she seemed a pretty poor casting choice in Roxanne.

  127. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t think I’ve seen Dazed & Confused. Is Dudley Moore in it?

  128. Napoleon Says:

    Roxanne was rubbish.

  129. Jamie Says:

    80’s films I would still admit to liking –

    Blade Runner
    The Crow (just)

    I think that’s all.

    2 scotch eggs?! That must be well filling, one always does me.

    My real birth name is James, so no slip up there.

  130. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Anyway, SH, I’m perfectly entitled to comment. I merely have a different perspective, naturally. YOOZ WANZ TA FITE BOUT IT?

  131. Jamie Says:

    Ah no way! Dazed and Confused is a wicked film.

  132. Swineshead Says:

    Dazed & Confused features Ben Affleck being a twat, Jason or Jeremy London (i forget which) being a twat and a whole load of Americans being twats.

    It’s fucking shit.

  133. Napoleon Says:

    The Crow?

    1. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
    2. That’s a 90s film, isn’t it?
    3. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

  134. piqued Says:

    There is a specialist actress called Darryl Hannah who looks like her namesake…

    Catch you tomorrow NC?

    (yes, Roxanne was shit)

  135. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    The Crow? A friend’s flatmate put it on when I was staying over. I laughed and groaned the way through it and generally got very bored. Afterwards they turned the lights on and the guy who put it on looked genuinely offended. He had posters of it in his room, as it turned out. He was also a strange emo, so he needed a taste of reality. I consider my mockery his gift.

    It’s awful.

  136. Swineshead Says:

    I’m glad I’m not a student any more. Hanging about with people with Crow posters… you learn to avoid them types as you mature, young JQW. Now pull your pants down and sit on my knee.

  137. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    (yes, Roxanne was piss-poor)

  138. Jamie Says:

    The Crow is HORRIFICALLY 80s. (Even if made in the 90s)

    Partly why I like it. Again I do realise on some levels it’s crap, but I just can’t help enjoying it.

    I guess this all boils down to the question:

    Can you enjoy something knowing it’s in some ways, a bit rubbish?

    Examples – (I’m NOT saying I enjoy all these!)

    McDonalds/Fast Food
    Wrestling (Any forms)
    80s films
    You’ve Been Framed!
    You Bet (I freaking loved this)
    A dog/cat that’s been taught a trick. (That any human could do ridiculously easily)
    The mad 90 year old singer on X-Factor’s Got Talent Idol More Uncut.
    Big Brother

  139. Napoleon Says:

    The Crow’s a preposterous piece of shit of a film. A teenage goth’s wet dream. There were plenty of good films came out of the 80s without needing to bring waffle like The Crow into it. Shit, shit, shit and shit.

    *ignores Piqued’s sinister catch you tomorrow comment*

  140. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I didn’t volunteer for it, I merely stayed out of courtesy/the door being locked. Luckily I had another friend there who was also visiting friend no. 1 and we took the piss out of it the whole way through.

    Getting rather complicated, the old friend thing. Shall I do a flow-chart?

  141. Jamie Says:

    At NO point have I taken The Crow seriously as a film. Just to make clear.

  142. george Says:

    I think the thing with nostalgia is that it’s needed if you accept certain reactionary ideologies. If you’re willing to accept the little lie that 80s films are great, when a more realistic opinion such as the ones offered here might be more to the point, then you’re creating a false vision of the past which means you can subscribe to the ‘things aint what they used to be’ style of reactionary bollocks usually peddled by the Daily Mail. Dazed and Confused is one of those things I like but accept is quite crap.

  143. Jamie Says:

    So it is possible to like something that you accept is crap. Could you do that, Napoleon?

  144. Jamie Says:

    You know I’ve had 5 different taxi drivers (for various reasons) escort me to locations over the last 4 days, and only ONE of them was DEFINITELY racist. That really surprised me.

  145. Napoleon Says:

    I ate a McDonald’s yesterday. One of those Miami things that they allege will give me a ‘taste of America’. It was reasonably enjoyable, though I don’t see why an American fast-food chain that sells American burgers feels they need to justify their new burger line by pointing out how American it is. I sort of thought that was the point of the place anyway.

    (Except when they do the Big Tasty. That’s like a burger from a late-70s Wimpy.)

  146. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    It’s pretty much impossible to take it seriously, what with it being so utterly shit and boring.

  147. piqued Says:

    Thou dost protest too much Jamie, thou bloody dost…

  148. Napoleon Says:

    So it is possible to like something that you accept is crap. Could you do that, Napoleon?

    A tricky one, as I enjoy crap sit-coms. I suppose they’re not crap if you like them, though.

  149. piqued Says:

    You might just like crap?

    Big Brother is crap and I like that, for example…

  150. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Also, earlier point – Futurama is a much sharper series than any of the simpsons since series 8

  151. piqued Says:

    …but Family Guy knocks the whole lot into the pan

  152. Napoleon Says:

    To you, that is. They’re crap to other people, obviously. I think Pump Up The Volume’s crap, yet others (like the idiot, Dave ‘Yee-ha’ Medlow) don’t. It’s that whole objectivity thing.

    That still doesn’t exempt The Breakfast Club from being crap, mind. That film’s just crap whatever side of the fence you’re sitting on. The same goes for Piqued’s diet and Swineshead’s zombie movies. And The Crow, of course.

  153. Napoleon Says:

    American Dad’s better thyan Family Guy.

  154. Napoleon Says:

    That’s right – ‘thyan’.

  155. piqued Says:

    I’m not on a diet

    (despite being nearly 40 Stone and bedridden)

  156. piqued Says:

    It’s not

  157. Napoleon Says:

    It’s the new, better word for ‘than’. All the hep-cats are using it. Basically, if you ain’t using ‘thyan’ in your sentences, you’re a jive turkey who needs to get with the program, y’dig?

  158. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – It is.

  159. piqued Says:

    Not, no way

    And I should know

    *taps nose*

    *…and helm*

  160. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    American Dad is far more formulaic and old-school sitcommy, which is why doddery old folks like Napoleon like it. It’s good, perhaps equal to Family Guy, but the freedom in Family Guy’s format allows it more inventiveness, which I like.

    Anyway, I been watchin’ Family Guy since it first came out in the US. SO I WINZ.

  161. Dave Medlo Says:

    I did the first presentation of my film degree on The Crow – we chose it after we were told that we couldn’t do Akira as that wasn’t a real film.

    Pretty much set the tone for the whole course, really…

  162. george Says:

    Sealab kicks American dad and family guy for sheer random hilarity. But it doesn’t count, I guess, as it’s a cartoon cartoon.

  163. Napoleon Says:

    Yes, but it isn’t though. We’ll leave it at that, eh? Leave it at me being right and you being wrong, yes? I think that’s fair.

    NC = Right
    Piqued = Wrong & paedophile

    Yes, that’s about right.

  164. Jamie Says:


    Roger is starting to come ino his own in American Dad, but other than him it has NO characters funnier than:

    Old Paedophile
    Adam West

    I’m not including the women because women aren’t funny, and not including Stewie because he annoys me too much.

  165. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Sealab is a bit weak.

  166. Jamie Says:

    I love Akira. I have no idea what happens in the final third though. Like most anime films, just goes mental near the end.

  167. Napoleon Says:

    Wagonwheel – You insufferable little bastard. You’ll be old soon. OLD. And when you are, I’ll laugh at you. Laugh at you from my wheelchair in a puddle of my own piss. WITH MY MISSHAPEN BALD HEAD AND EYEPATCH. But I’ll still laugh. TRY GETTING WOMEN WITH A BAG OF YOUR OWN SHIT ATTACHED TO YOUR SIDE. Yes? That’s your fate.

  168. Napoleon Says:

    Jamie – Stan’s a great character. You bloody people.

  169. Jamie Says:

    Stan is good, if a bit one-dimensional.

  170. george Says:

    Building on what Jamie said, anybody got a list of favourite characters from Family guy etc? My top three would be Cartman, Homer, Bender, I think.

  171. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    You’ll sit there squitting brown ooze into your crap-satchel while I smoothly glide in on my electric buggy, dressed in a one-piece silver lyrcra suit (that’s what we’ll all wear in the future), my pendulous gut hanging over my crotch, and all the ladies shall flock from your side to mine and coo their sweet feminine coos and then get their boobs out and that. These geriatric nurses ought to learn a bit of decorum.

  172. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve just remembered a film off of the 80s that I thought was great at the time – Remo: Unarmed & Dangerous. Remember that one? There was a wizened little Chinese fella who could run on water and I think him off Tremors was in it. Anyway, I liked that when I was eleven.

  173. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    You were 11 in the 80s? Blimey, you’re not as old as you look. Still, back then 11 was more like 35 now – you’d be down the mine making children to earn your keep for the wife by then.

  174. Dave Medlo Says:

    In no particular order

    Chief Wiggum
    Dr Zoidberg

  175. Dave Medlo Says:

    Remo: Unarmed and Dangerous was awesome… although I suspect it wouldn’t stand up too well today.

  176. Jamie Says:

    3rd.> Bender ‘Bending’ Rodriguez – The name says most of it.
    2nd.> Chris Griffin – He’s not a major character, but he rarely says something I don’t find hilarious.
    1st.> Peter Griffin – That man has taken stupidity to a level far beyond the genius of Homer Simpson.

  177. Jamie Says:

    Argh forgot Wiggum AND Zoidberg!

    Zoidberg is stunning socially.

  178. Napoleon Says:

    I was eleven for one year in the 80s, yes. Anyway, when you get old you’ll be strapped to a bed being driven half-mad by the brain cancer wot’s eating away your mind. AND you’ll be getting bummed off of the big retards they let wander around the lunatic asylum without supervision. You’ll end up a brain-dead, bummed-up, The AIDS-riddled, old bastard. And I’ll laugh at you – laugh whilst squeezing the contents of my colostomy bag up your nose.

  179. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    See Chris is my least favourite Griffin. Most of his lines are just pointing out the obvious in a silly voice, which doesn’t do much for me.

  180. Dave Medlo Says:

    Anyone else remember Hell Comes to Frogtown? That was amazing when I was 12 and well into Rowdy Roddy Piper.

    Oh god. I’ve become that guy who posts his favourite TV characters on forums and talks about obscure 80’s movies. The shame. I was having my lunch outside and a guy walked past in a space invaders t-shirt and I secretly mocked him… but now I’m no better.

    That’s it. Dave out. Back to work.

  181. Jamie Says:

    Peter: Chris is not as smart as you think he is…
    (Peter slaps Chris in the back of the head)
    Chris: HEY!
    Peter: He did it.
    (Peter points to a nearby floor lamp, and Chris attacks it and starts fighting with it.)

    Chris then started LOSING the fight with the lamp. Stunning.

  182. george Says:

    Good call on Zoidberg and Peter, they’re both underrated (The Stewie Brian partnership is starting to bore me a bit)

  183. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    It’s alright, I’ve had all cancers, it’s not so bad. Big fuss over nothing really. Take a bit of benilyn, sorts it out in a few days. No, I’ll be the limber male nurse who is paid to wipe your arse but instead buggers you and locks you in your bathroom with the lights off for 3-days stints and bludgeons you round the face with a sack of shit-smeared oranges every day and tells your family you fell.

    Basically like Piqued (but less pretentious).

  184. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    3-day* – I’ve got cancer of the memory.

  185. Jamie Says:

    When Stewie and Brian are together I’m worried it’s going to turn into a big musical song-and-dance number at any point, which it frequently does.

  186. Clarys Says:

    I love You’ve Been Framed, and have no shame in admitting this. Old woman in shoulder pad dresses falling over at a wedding NEVER gets old.

    Regarding favourite characters, I did weep a bit when Homer cunting Simpson was named best character EVAH or something along those lines. I mean, for fuck’s sake.

  187. Clarys Says:

    Sorry, I mean for fucks sake, not for fuck is sake.

  188. george Says:

    God yeah, they get boring quickly. I don’t really get musicals. My favourite Cartman bit is probably the off of Scott Tenorman Must Die, but I don’t want to repeat it in case anybody watching hasn’t seen it and gets the whole episode ruined. Either that, or the ‘suck my balls, Mr. Garrison’ bit off of the movie.

  189. Swineshead Says:

    I thought you meant the sake (japanese rice wine) that belongs to Fuck. Mr. Fuck – the Fuckmeister to his friends.

  190. Jamie Says:

    Leave fuck out of this.

  191. Jamie Says:

    Scott Tenorman Must Die is a stunning episode. Again, I couldn’t spoil it for anyone, please, go watch it on YouTube or however.

  192. george Says:

    Homer’s has his fair share of moments. (on the Beatles parody one) Homer (narrating): and then, the best moment of my life happened. George Harrison: Hello Homer, I’m George Harrison. Homer: OH MY GOD! ……..Where did you get that brownie? George Harrison: There’s a whole table of them over there. (homer runs over and starts scoffing)

  193. Clarys Says:

    “I don’t really get musicals.”

    Most blokes don’t.

  194. Jamie Says:

    Homer has had thousands of stunning moments.

    Upon seeing Marge dancing at a 70’s themed-ball with former prom date Artie Ziff

    “Oh my God, it’s 197* again……that means…(scared) I haven’t BEEN BORN”

    Again, that’s the stunning level of stupidity that I think only Peter Griffin can match up to.

  195. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    ““I don’t really get musicals.”

    Most blokes don’t.”

    Except them gays.

    Mainly because musicals are pappy trash that people only ‘like’ for novelty kitsch value. Men with any sense or who aren’t into the whole camp kitsch culture tend to not like really shit things which cost a lot to sit through.

  196. Jamie Says:

    Well the problem with the musical numbers in Family Guy is that they’re singing jokes that would never pass as good enough jokes if they were just being said. All because it RHYMES. Having it in song makes it LESS funny, not MORE.

  197. Jamie Says:

    Football can be really shit and cost a lot to sit through.

    – Yours, a Brighton and Hove Albion supporter.

  198. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    The musical numbers can be a bit tiresome and do mainly reach out to the camp end of the audience, but I do like that Family Guy uses a session orchestra for its soundtrack. We could do with more of that – none of this cheesy rock or electro theme crap. BRING BACK THE STUDIO ORCHESTRAS.

  199. Clarys Says:

    I don’t like the musical bits in FG, but I love musicals in general. Only the classic ones though, not just any old pap (a la that High School Musical malarkey…not for me).

    Oh, and those brilliant moments that have been described re: Homer only make me feel like I’m right about him being an irritating little shit.

  200. piqued Says:

    Does anyone else in here have a fucking job

  201. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Yes but you know what you’re getting when you shell out for a musical.

  202. george Says:

    Having said that though, there’s a bit from one of the songs where it goes ‘Brian: I love the work of Alan Funt… Stewie: Or a nicely shaven leg’. I remember weeing a little bit I was laughing so much.

  203. Napoleon Says:

    “Does anyone else in here have a fucking job”

    I’ve got a pretend one.

  204. Jamie Says:

    I’ve never heard Homer described as an ‘irritating little shit’ before. I’m certain I never will again also.

  205. Swineshead Says:

    Some musicals are alright. Little Shop of Horrors was a firm favourite of mine when I was a kid.

    And yes – haven’t you lot got homes to go to?

    If we’re going to talk at this rate can’t we at least revisit the scotch egg theme?

  206. Clarys Says:

    “Does anyone else in here have a fucking job”

    Yep, and I don’t have enough words available to me to possibly describe how much I loathe and despise it. I have nothing to do, at all. So…here I am!

  207. Napoleon Says:

    Sounds like a good job, that. The best job I’ve ever had was sitting in a booth in an amusement arcade dispensing pound coins to gambling addicts. I’d do that again in a heartbeat.

  208. Clarys Says:

    “I’ve never heard Homer described as an ‘irritating little shit’ before. I’m certain I never will again also.”

    Well, I like to be unique. Seriously though, all the eating/beer/Homer being a dick, Marge leaving, her coming back charade – don’t you find it all incredibly tiresome?

  209. Swineshead Says:

    ‘Mainly because musicals are pappy trash that people only ‘like’ for novelty kitsch value. Men with any sense or who aren’t into the whole camp kitsch culture tend to not like really shit things which cost a lot to sit through.’

    JQW – your sweeping statements are endless. One generalisation after another… How can you know, for a fact, that some people only like musicals because for the kitsch value?

  210. Jamie Says:

    I do like Scotch Egg. But I still can’t abide someone having two in one day.

  211. george Says:

    Clarrys, you’re not Cary’s from everyonesconnected are you? You have similar names, and she hates her job.

  212. Jamie Says:

    I don’t watch Simpsons for the plots. I watch it for the dialogue and amusing satire, which though less heavy-handed than South Park or Family Guy, is definitely there.

    If you watch Simpsons for the plots no wonder you hate it.

  213. Swineshead Says:

    ‘because for’ is a totally valid juxtaposition of wordings.

  214. Jamie Says:


  215. george Says:

    True, just the same as Family Guy, it’s not there for the plot. That’s like watching Goodfellas for a moral to the story.

  216. Clarys Says:

    Clarrys, you’re not Cary’s from everyonesconnected are you? You have similar names, and she hates her job.

    C’est moi! I need something to fill the time now EC is defunct.

  217. Swineshead Says:

    Is that all this is for you, Clarys? Something to fill the time?

    I feel used.

  218. Clarys Says:

    “JQW – your sweeping statements are endless. One generalisation after another… How can you know, for a fact, that some people only like musicals because for the kitsch value?”

    It it helps, kitsch value has nowt to do with me liking musicals. I could list the reasons why I do like musicals, but I sense that would be a crap list for most people to read through.

  219. Clarys Says:

    That’s me, user and abuser. It’s more that I tended to read the comments more than posting my own, but I like to join in a bit now.

  220. george Says:

    Same here! It sucks, doesn’t it? (It’s Stuart, by the way) And that new ubuti thing just seems worse every time I log on.

  221. Napoleon Says:

    Jamie – I ate three scotch eggs in the end. That makes me the Ian Botham of the scotch egg world. I don’t beat my wife, mind.

  222. Jamie Says:

    Clarys – Give it a try, I genuinely want to understand what musicals have to offer the world.

    Napoleon – Those farts will be stunning…….

  223. george Says:

    Oh Yeah, will any of you guys be doing a Euro 2008 blog in the same vein as the 2006 world cup one you did? There was a link to it somewhere on here, very entertaining stuff.

  224. Clarys Says:

    “Same here! It sucks, doesn’t it? (It’s Stuart, by the way) And that new ubuti thing just seems worse every time I log on.”

    There aren’t words for how pants it is! Utterly hideous. I remember you saying who you were a while ago on here, but hello!

  225. Napoleon Says:

    Oh, I know. Ho ho! Wouldn’t want to be my missus tonight.

  226. Clarys Says:

    “Clarys – Give it a try, I genuinely want to understand what musicals have to offer the world.”


    – Complete escapism. Nobody watching a musical thinks for a minute real life is like a musical. But it presents a colourful, optimistic glamourous version of it, and it’s nice to lose yourself in that sometimes.

    – Music – well, we all love a good song. So to watch a good film, with sometimes even better songs, is brilliant. Singin’ in the Rain really is classic after classic, and you can’t help but feel cheered up after watching them.

    – Dancing. I fucking love watching really good dancers. George Sampson? Pfft. Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Donald O Connor, Cyd Charisse – now that’s what I’m talking about. Some of the routines they do just blow your mind, and watching a talented person in their heyday is very enjoyable.

    – Golden Age of Hollywood. The best musicals are the ones made in that era – Singin’ in the Rain, Top Hat, Meet Me in St Louis, On The Town, Wizard of Oz – and I love all the nostalgia and trivia that goes with it. It represents a completely unknown time or world to me, but that’s what makes them brilliant. When they say they don’t make ’em like that any more, for musicals like these, it’s true. There are no “modern” musicals like these.

    I’m sure I have lots of other reasons, but I can’t think of any more off the top of my noggin. Feel free to ask questions though, if you think my reasons are a little oddly!

  227. Jamie Says:

    This may require an entire new thread/thing, but just wanted to know how this site got started?

    I would guess a few of you went to Uni together? Yes? No?

  228. Jamie Says:

    Complete escapism – Fair enough, that would be why I watch Anime or similar, for example. A musical world would be my idea of hell, but if that’s what you’re into then fair enough.

    Music – The music in musicals is generally horrific, rhymes very badly tacked on a lot of the time. Again, in my opinion. The one band in the world that sounds most like a musical = Queen. I rest my case.

    Dancing – I’m far too heterosexual in this aspect. Any time I see a really good male dancer (in any situation) my immediate impulse thought is WHAT A POOF. I think my only exception to that rule is Michael Jackson, Thriller period. That was amazing. Don’t worry about what happened after……

    Golden Age of Hollywood – See argument previously about 80s US teen movies, a time and place that seems alien to me, but magical.

  229. Clarys Says:

    Good job I’m not trying to make you like musicals…

  230. Jamie Says:

    Are my points not fair?

  231. Jamie Says:

    You’ll see above that I agree and empathise with most of your points.

  232. Swineshead Says:

    WWM started after I set up Curled Wup (world cup blog) and it worked out quite well. We did a rough version of WWM on Blogger then moved over to WordPress a year ago.

    I know Napoleon from school and I know Piqued from the DSS. Louche I met at a hideous sex party and Roszs I saved from the gutter whilst feeling drunkenly altruistic. Mr Chipz taught me judo.

  233. Swineshead Says:

    Oh – forgot Medlo – I met him whilst touring the States of America with my band – Split Pelvis – he was riding the rodeo with a rootin tootin leg of motherlovin’ chicken.

  234. Jamie Says:


  235. Clarys Says:

    “Are my points not fair?”

    “You’ll see above that I agree and empathise with most of your points.”

    Worry not love, ’twas not a dig – I just meant you’re clearly never going to be a musicals fan! Which is absolutely fine. Same as I will always hate Sci-Fi, no matter how they dress it up.

  236. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I was referring to musicals in the theatre.

  237. Napoleon Says:

    You know Piqued from the DSS? Was there a posh bit of the DSS? Did you encounter him through a hatch in the wall? Did he get a seperate entrance? I’d like to see this DSS, I’ll wager the carpets are fantastic.

  238. Mikey Says:

    Clarys…”Same as I will always hate Sci-Fi, no matter how they dress it up”.

    What about a sci – fi musical?

  239. Dave Medlo Says:

    “What about a sci-fi musical?”

    Or a shitty nu-metal band ripping off a certain science fiction film called Sunshine…

  240. Dave Medlo Says:

    Here’s the link…

  241. Napoleon Says:

    That Sunshine film bored the living daylights out of me. RUBBISH!

  242. Louche Says:

    Lots of people warned me that this film was a bit lame, and well it was. Plus the bike in it is total bobbins.

    Please can someone give George Lucas a good kicking and tell him to buck up his ideas.

  243. Steve Says:

    If you had reasonable expectations for a quality movie, you will have hated it.

    If you are someone who likes to make excuses for washed-up film-makers, you will have said “it wasn’t the best movie ever.”

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