With the credit crunch starting to bite, Watch With Mothers looks forward to some of the new shows while we’re waiting for the bailiffs to take away the television …
Negative Equity, Negative Equity, Negative Equity – Kirsty and Phil show dead-eyed homeowners around a delightful selection of caravans, bed & breakfasts and Christian missionary hostels as the bank forecloses on the dream home Kirsty & Phil advised them to buy five years ago. This week, a shit-spattered caravan park in South Wales is the destination for a couple who previously owned a lovely detached cottage in the Cotswolds. With scenes of barking Alsatians, children in jumpers picking their noses, and clogs.
Through The Letterbox – Lloyd Grossman invites a panel of minor celebrities to guess who’s banging on the door of a 100% mortgage home. Could it be Alan Jackson from Excelsior Credit Solutions? Or is it Barry and Colin Fisher, certificated bailiffs for Rawston Debt Recovery Ltd.? Contains scenes of abject despair.
You’ll Eat What You Can Afford To Eat – In a radical turnaround, appalling Scotch harridan Dr. Gillian MaKeeef advises impoverished Britons to cram their bellies full of bread, beans and chips. A table groaning with healthy organic produce is used to illustrate what the show’s guest used to be able to afford to eat; a new table containing half a bag of TESCO Value chips, six fish-fingers and a packet of ASDA 2p sausages replaces it now the credit card’s been maxed out. Contains scenes of painful shitting.
Not Particularly Grand Designs – Kevin McCloud follows the trials of Poppy and Harry as they struggle to build a breeze-block and corrugated iron shelter on the site of a former chemical reprocessing plant. Will they get the roof on before it starts raining? Or will Guildford council get wind of the scheme and stop the ambitious project in its tracks?
What You’ll Have To Wear Now – Lisa Butcher and Misha Paris advise women who wasted thousands of pounds of someone else’s money on clothes they wore once that it’s time to start fishing in bins. In the first episode, heavily in debt secretary Jackie forgoes expensive clothes shops like Primark and Donna’s Discount Market Fashions, and instead finds a flea-ridden pullover near her local canal. In the unveiling of her new look, Jackie has a nervous breakdown.
Help! My Dog’s Got To Go For Glue – Beloved family pets are taken off to the knacker’s yard to be turned into glue. The glue is then sold for bread by a family that really shouldn’t have gone on that two week holiday to Disneyland courtesy of Capital One. Contains scenes of bawling children, women biting their bottom lips, and pedigree dogs being boiled down to make glue.