Coming Soon …

by

COMING SOON

With the credit crunch starting to bite, Watch With Mothers looks forward to some of the new shows while we’re waiting for the bailiffs to take away the television …

Negative Equity, Negative Equity, Negative Equity – Kirsty and Phil show dead-eyed homeowners around a delightful selection of caravans, bed & breakfasts and Christian missionary hostels as the bank forecloses on the dream home Kirsty & Phil advised them to buy five years ago. This week, a shit-spattered caravan park in South Wales is the destination for a couple who previously owned a lovely detached cottage in the Cotswolds. With scenes of barking Alsatians, children in jumpers picking their noses, and clogs.

Through The Letterbox – Lloyd Grossman invites a panel of minor celebrities to guess who’s banging on the door of a 100% mortgage home. Could it be Alan Jackson from Excelsior Credit Solutions? Or is it Barry and Colin Fisher, certificated bailiffs for Rawston Debt Recovery Ltd.? Contains scenes of abject despair.

You’ll Eat What You Can Afford To Eat – In a radical turnaround, appalling Scotch harridan Dr. Gillian MaKeeef advises impoverished Britons to cram their bellies full of bread, beans and chips. A table groaning with healthy organic produce is used to illustrate what the show’s guest used to be able to afford to eat; a new table containing half a bag of TESCO Value chips, six fish-fingers and a packet of ASDA 2p sausages replaces it now the credit card’s been maxed out. Contains scenes of painful shitting.

Not Particularly Grand Designs – Kevin McCloud follows the trials of Poppy and Harry as they struggle to build a breeze-block and corrugated iron shelter on the site of a former chemical reprocessing plant. Will they get the roof on before it starts raining? Or will Guildford council get wind of the scheme and stop the ambitious project in its tracks?

What You’ll Have To Wear Now – Lisa Butcher and Misha Paris advise women who wasted thousands of pounds of someone else’s money on clothes they wore once that it’s time to start fishing in bins. In the first episode, heavily in debt secretary Jackie forgoes expensive clothes shops like Primark and Donna’s Discount Market Fashions, and instead finds a flea-ridden pullover near her local canal. In the unveiling of her new look, Jackie has a nervous breakdown.

Help! My Dog’s Got To Go For Glue – Beloved family pets are taken off to the knacker’s yard to be turned into glue. The glue is then sold for bread by a family that really shouldn’t have gone on that two week holiday to Disneyland courtesy of Capital One. Contains scenes of bawling children, women biting their bottom lips, and pedigree dogs being boiled down to make glue.

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123 Responses to “Coming Soon …”

  1. Mikey Says:

    Very good! Here’s a suggestion.

    A Place on the Run.

    Great places abroad to hideout from your creditors.

  2. Badger Madge Says:

    My fave post this year. How about…

    You’re Fired
    Business forced to make redundancies. Scenes of suicide and Falling Down-style massacre.

  3. Swineshead Says:

    ‘My fave post this year’ she says, devaluing all the hard work by everyone else. I don’t know why we BOTHER.

    *slams door*

    As for this credit crunch business – balls to it. I’m ignoring it. I haven’t got a car so it’s not hit me in the face yet.

  4. BMTV Says:

    […] 11, 2008 by badgermadge Currently this is cheering me up no end. Twisted? […]

  5. Jamie Says:

    Does everyone have to do the credit crunch thing?

    I might just opt out. Don’t really feel like one. We’re only having one cos everyone is saying we are.

    Just ignore it, it’ll go away. Like an annoying child.

  6. Swineshead Says:

    Precisely – the scare-mongers like Napoleon are encouraging the crunch with their outright hysteria. He’s like a stupid, hysterical mad-woman.

  7. Napoleon Says:

    I’m not scare-mongering, far from it. If you’ve not been a blithering idiot over the last ten years, you should be fine. If, however, you’ve done nothing but shopping whilst paying for your 100% mortgage on one of your eight credit cards, you’re fucked. And quite right too.

    Like you, I’ve not got a car. Every time the news comes on about the fuel prices increasing, I just shrug my shoulders, wonder what all the fuss is about, and count my vast piles of gold.

  8. Swineshead Says:

    Don’t have a credit card, don’t have a car, owe about 4 grand in the whole world with no need to take on a new loan…

    Still, I don’t feel the need to laugh at those poor cunts who’re now screwed… unlike you, you evil spunky goose.

  9. Jamie Says:

    I only have one credit card, never used it. Will I be ok? Is it that the credit cards are turning on their owners in disgusting scenes reminiscent of The Twilight Zone, or perhaps The Outer Limits?

    Also how about some reviews of the Euros, or one of the last Peep Show episode would’ve been good. Preferable to The Apprentice.

    I have a car, but I do not drive it yet. Will it crunch me when I start it?

    You can see I don’t understand how the credit crunch works.

  10. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t feel any need to laugh … well, a wee bit. I was banging on about this years ago when I witnessed friends blowing huge sums of money on nothing. Nobody listened to me then, so I’m only laughing now because I was right.

    And why are they ‘poor cunts’? Are we supposed to feel sympathy for someone who couldn’t be arsed to save up for a deposit on a house, lived the life of Riley on borrowed money, and is now in the shit as a result of their own greed? There are plenty of folk who are in the shit through no fault of their own, and they aren’t these feckless morons.

    A perfect example was yesterday’s Newsnight. A single mother was feeling the squeeze thanks to the shit hitting the fan, and admitted she’d had to ‘cancel the kids’ Sky’. Well forgive me for being unable to empaphise with a self-inflicted near-bankrupt who wastes money on giving five year olds their own satellite television package. Pah! Poor cunts, my arse – idiots, more like.

  11. Jamie Says:

    I had ONE scotch egg the other day and couldn’t finish it. I’m not a particularly small bloke either. Strange.

  12. Dave Medlo Says:

    Brilliant post!

    How about Ten Years Older where our triple barrelled snob host finds some poor ex-student stuck in a dead end job and proceeds to go into their bank accounts to prove that they have the debts of a 40 years old and will never make it into credit in their own lifetime?

  13. Swineshead Says:

    The bigger picture is that people’ve been lulled into a false sense of security and society at large has been indoctrinated to expect a lifestyle they could never have afforded in the long term. It’s not absolute that the fault is with the individual (though obviously they signed the direct debit forms).

    Really it comes down to companies offering credit without explicitly detailing the downfall of not keeping up payments.

    As for you, Jamie, telling us what to review, you can get yourself fucked. I’ve done every Apprentice and you’re asking me to stop now we’re at the final. Balls!

    You want a review of the Euros? Here’s one:

    We’re not in it. The commentary is shit. Most games are boring. Holland look like they might win, but Germany probably will.

  14. Napoleon Says:

    Jamie – I eat THREE on average. You need to get more practice in.

    Dave – That’s a good ‘un.

  15. Jamie Says:

    How do you practice? What’s different between practice and the real thing? Eating a tennis ball with a kinder egg inside?

    I think Swines is bitter that he’s tired of The Apprentice but has got to see it through to the end.

  16. dave Says:

    This is genius, Mr Perry!

    How about A Place in the Slum? That’s all I have.

  17. Swineshead Says:

    I ain’t bitter, Jamie – far from it. I think the final tonight will be a cracking anti-climax.

    In terms of asking for reviews – you’ll get what you’re given and be bloody satisfied with it.

  18. Richard Says:

    “Does everyone have to do the credit crunch thing? I might just opt out. Don’t really feel like one. We’re only having one cos everyone is saying we are.”

    I dropped out of an Economics degree when I realised this isn’t far from the truth.

  19. dave Says:

    I’ve just read Medlo’s suggestion. Excuse me while I hang myself.

  20. Napoleon Says:

    People were lulled into a false sense of security? How? You go shopping at 29.9% APR, get a house that’s 10 times your combined salary, buy stuff you don’t need and pay for it two years later, and someone else is to blame? That’s as ridiculous as those idiot court cases where smokers try foisting the responsibility onto the fag companies when they come down with lung cancer.

    As for the Euros, I heartily agree. “Who are you supporting?” Well, nobody, of course. It’s the same as when the BBC and ITV (who spent an arm and a leg on coverage rights) tried to convince me to support Northern Ireland in the USA World Cup in ’94. My country’s not in it? Then no thanks, I’m not interested.

  21. Mikey Says:

    I think you mean Republic of Ireland.

  22. Mikey Says:

    Come on Motherf**Ker’s….Property Ladder is crying out for a parody!!
    Come on!!

  23. Swineshead Says:

    Not everyone is as wise to advertising as you or I, NC. You know that. Smallprint, even largeprint is easily ignored by the desperate or the uneducated.

  24. Napoleon Says:

    You’re right, it was the Republic. I was thinking I was wrong as I was writing that. Still wrote it, mind.

  25. dave Says:

    I’m the most unmaterialistic soul in the world but, due to my high rent and commuting costs, have to budget wisely.

    I can do it – why can’t every other bugger?

    NC is very right in this, don’t spend above your means. British people think they have a born right to wear Ray Ban’s, tight jeans and stripey pink shirts whilst listening to electro on the latest iPhone. Twats.

  26. Jamie Says:

    I have an iPhone. And only £500 debt in the whole world. I don’t have an iPhone as an extension of bling or anything though. I have it because it’s an insanely good phone (to call it a phone is an insult to it).

  27. Dave Medlo Says:

    I work really hard, running my own business and earning very little. I’m permanently broke and frequently run out of money – and what I do earn gets taken from me for overdrafts, taxes and all manner of life charges that you must have if you want to live ‘on the grid.’

    I rarely go out because I can’t afford it and I can’t remember the last time I bought something nice – like a CD or clothes for myself – everything goes on living. I haven’t made any bad financial decisions per se – no loans or credit cards – with the possible exception of trying to do things my own way.

    I resent paying so much just for the privilge to live – especially in this era of city bonuses, gourged prices and rampant corporate tax evasion. We’re being squeezed for wars and for bribes and for ineptitude and the hope that anyone like me of ever being a house or car owner is practically non-existant.

    I’m with Napolean that much of this is peoples own fault – debt is still debt no matter how attractive it may be and people should be smarter with their money – however there is still a huge section of people out there, like me, who haven’t falled into any consumerist traps or credit deals – we’re just struggling to get by and the price of living keeps going up…

    On the plus side, I am my own boss and the above is kind of what you have to put up with in order to be free like that. I’m sure much could be resolved by getting a real job, but that’s no fun…

  28. Jamie Says:

    I hate the rest of what you described though. Don’t mind some electro. Not chavvy electro though.

  29. Mikey Says:

    “tight jeans and stripey pink shirts”….I hope that’s the girls (though the ones I see do not wear that combination) or Dave you hang around in some strange places!

  30. Jamie Says:

    I live in/near Brighton, so see a lot of boys AND girls in the combination described above.

  31. dave Says:

    I wasn’t attacking electro. It’s not electro’s fault twats like it.

  32. Napoleon Says:

    “Not everyone is as wise to advertising as you or I, NC. You know that. Smallprint, even largeprint is easily ignored by the desperate or the uneducated.”

    How is buying a house an act of desperation? A lot of people aren’t in this mess because they’ve spent money they didn’t have on bills and essential services. They’re in the shit because of the thousands they’ve wasted on holidays they couldn’t afford, houses that were out of their price range, credit and store cards they used for things they didn’t need but wanted immediately anyway, Christmases with obscene amounts spent on kids, etc. Not reading the smallprint is hardly an excuse for being greedy, is it? If you bought into the ‘have it now’ lifestyle, you can hardly go boo-hooing when the time comes to the ‘pay for it now’ bit.

    As for being uneducated? Well with my mighty four GCSEs, you could argue I’m not the world’s most educated man, yet I worked out that if you spend money you don’t have, you’ll be fucked when it comes to paying it back. I’d say a couple of maths lessons’ll sort out that conundrum for most folk – lessons every single person in this country is forced to partake in until they’re 16 years old.

  33. Jamie Says:

    Can anyone explain a bit more technically what the credit crunch means exactly for credit card owners with debt? The rates are going right up? Or what?

    Being serious now, like.

  34. dave Says:

    ‘you hang around in some strange places’ – see Manchester, the king of credit crunch or mini young pretender to London.

  35. Dave Medlo Says:

    The credit crunch is a new form of dance that innercity kids created as an alternative to gang membership in downtown LA. They dress like accountants and vibrate at insane speeds while shaking their booty.

  36. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – It’s good to have your own business. The only downside is the boss is only too willing to give you the day off. I think more people should try self-employment – it don’t half teach you the value of money. There’s nothing quite like never knowing when the work’ll run out to make you realise you don’t ‘need’ an iPod, and that saving the money you earn’s a far better idea.

  37. Swineshead Says:

    Uneducated doesn’t necessarily mean not academically qualified, you boob. You may be an under-achiever, NC, but you had it within your grasp to do fucking well. It’s not as if you were in an inner-city shithole where you couldn’t hear the teacher for the sound of other kids throwing chairs.

    You’re all wilfully missing the obvious point so that you can, in the most dull way possible, celebrate yourselves.

    You’re not in crushing debt – well done! Neither am I!

    But there are more interesting things to do than stick your Vs up at the poor sod who is.

  38. dave Says:

    ‘But there are more interesting things to do than stick your Vs up at the poor sod who is.’

    a) They deserve the Vs
    b) I’m sat in a call centre booking tests. This is exciting to me.

  39. Swineshead Says:

    Dave – with your ‘wog’ comment and the above, I’ve pretty much got the measure of you… thanks for your participation.

  40. Mikey Says:

    Is it really the style now!? (Pink shirts etc).

    Anyway I agree with Napoleon. I would also say that it is predominantly Anglo Saxon culture that has created the credit boom/bust scenario.
    Yes there are sensible people, but there are the gullible and greedy too. I have been very uneasy with the property programs in this country and their attitude. I am not sure this sort of property pornography is suitable for TV shows. It certainly is a new phenomenon as a subject for TV, but half the problem is these people get their windows on life from TV.

  41. goodbyetoallfat Says:

    Hilarious entry, Napoleon.

    I particularly liked: “You’ll Eat What You Can Afford To Eat” (perhaps it would help me with my own diet, except for the chips, that is).

    Like some of you above, I live without a car and without major debts. About 2 years ago I decided to pay off all loans and credit cards I had at that time as I could see that they were just going to be a stupid albatross round my neck.

    So far in my attempts to “lose the weight, lose the debt” I’ve done pretty well on clearing all my old debts, and thus this year intend to focus on losing the flab.

    P.S. Napoleon (BPP) if you don’t like my blog don’t bother to look at it. I do occasionally (especially on this WWM site) like some of what you write. I tend not to comment if I don’t have anything positive to say.

    P.P.S. As normal once I have posted this it is unlikely I will be able to return every 5 mins throughout the day to check for any “comeback” so please don’t attack me if you can help it as I will be busy with work most of the day (am taking a 5 min breather at the mo to post).

    Thanks,
    Sharon

  42. Napoleon Says:

    What is the ‘obvious point’, then? I only ask, because yours seems to be that banks and credit organisations should shoulder the blame for the greed of a large section of the populace. Forgive me if I’ve got the wrong end of the stick.

    And why shouldn’t we – the prudent – celebrate ourselves? I’ve had to sit there for ten years scrimping and saving to get into a good financial position while pretend millionaires rubbed their conspicuous wealth in my face both in real life and in every single area of the media. This country’s been dominated by greed – dominated for long enough that we now have an entire generation who behave like the dimwitted fucks on Blood, Sweat & T-Shirts. Sorry if I’m now sat back being the smug one, but I feel it’s my turn.

  43. Napoleon Says:

    Sharon – I was drunk when I wrote that drivel on your site, I’m afraid. Drunk and furious. I’ll supply you with my address so you can come round and horsewhip the living daylights out of me, if this helps.

  44. Dave Medlo Says:

    The boss never gives me a day off… never…

  45. Swineshead Says:

    Fucking hell, not sure what’s going on with you lot today. Sneer central on WWM.

    Enjoy yourselves, I’ll be back tomorrow to sneer at middle-management – far more deserving, I feel.

  46. dave Says:

    You misquote my old comment, and you know you have. It’s a cheap and lazy shot which is a measure of yourself not me.

    If somebody spends money they haven’t got on material crap they do not deserve sympathy. What am I missing there? You can’t have your cake and eat it, my grandparents grafted hard and lived relatively poorly so we could establish this vile hedonism.

    You’re a twat, by the way. You can make homophobic jokes on here but using a racial slur to attack racists is unacceptable? I live in a world where words have meaning in relation to their context.

  47. Swineshead Says:

    Money’s not the be all and end all. That’s my highly original standpoint. Old fashioned it may be – but personal finances are not something I raise unless it’s really necessary. It’s rather vulgar – you awful men.

  48. Napoleon Says:

    Nice high horse you’re sitting on there, Swineshead.

    Dave – Racist.

  49. Clarry Says:

    The other day we had to go and buy a car and we bought it with good, old-fashioned cash… that we had saved up the hard way. Doing it this way is brilliant as it’s actually yours, you’re not tempted to buy a bigger car that you can’t afford as you have a budget, you don’t have to pay for it for the next four or five years, by which time it doesn’t work or you want to sell it, and you don’t have to pay loads of interest.

    In the past, some of my friends have taken out credit cards to go on holiday. Until last year I hadn’t been on holiday for 12 years as I was a student and COULDN’T AFFORD IT! The easiest way to avoid the credit crunch is to live within your means, it’s not rocket science…

  50. Mikey Says:

    Come on …PROPERTY LADDER!!!!!

  51. Swineshead Says:

    Dave – I’ve got a bad back, you can put your own toys back in your pram.

    I’M on a high horse?

    Oh. Not you lot then, laughing at all these idiots?

    It’s a weird one, today.

  52. Napoleon Says:

    Mikey – I don’t think Swineshead wants this to become a parody site.

  53. Napoleon Says:

    Yes, YOU’RE on a high horse. You.

    Dave – Racist

  54. Swineshead Says:

    His claim is he was only being a pretend racist, Napoleon. Where do you stand on that, yer ‘onour?

  55. Swineshead Says:

    *falls off horse into horse-shit*

  56. Napoleon Says:

    “The boss never gives me a day off… never…”

    He does me, I’m afraid. And then works me like a dog when my homework’s due.

  57. dave Says:

    I wasn’t pretending to be, I mentioned a racist word. I could type the N word now, it wouldn’t mean I think black people are inferior. Simple.

    I can’t and won’t debate the fact it was immature and offensive, however. There’s a big difference between me being a cunt and a racist.

  58. Napoleon Says:

    Where do I stand on Dave’s pretend racism? I’d like to err on the side of it being REAL racism, not pretend racism. The racist.

  59. Napoleon Says:

    “I wasn’t pretending to be, I mentioned a racist word. I could type the N word now, it wouldn’t mean I think black people are inferior. Simple.

    I can’t and won’t debate the fact it was immature and offensive, however. There’s a big difference between me being a cunt and a racist.”

    There he goes again. Racist.

  60. Swineshead Says:

    It’s alright Dave, the dust will settle and one day you’ll make an ethnic friend.

    Anyone see Eastenders last night? How is it possible to have three concurrently shit storylines going on?

    Chelsea / Dawn / Lucy – all dead in the water threads.

  61. wally bazoom Says:

    ‘I’ve had to sit there for ten years scrimping and saving to get into a good financial position while pretend millionaires rubbed their conspicuous wealth in my face both in real life and in every single area of the media. ‘

    Spoken like a true capitalist, old school too. All this Nouveau Riche funny money, vulgar isn’t it? More Bolly?

  62. Napoleon Says:

    That implies I’m Old Money, Wally. Wish I bloody well was.

  63. dave Says:

    ‘Ethnic friend’, you racist.

    That implies we, the white men, have no ethnicity whilst they, the other, do. I’m agasp.

  64. Napoleon Says:

    ‘They’? ‘They’, Dave? Good God! Do you want a bigger spade for that hole you’re digging?

    RACIST!

  65. wally bazoom Says:

    ‘That implies I’m Old Money, Wally. Wish I bloody well was.’

    Implies the attitude. You are ‘grassroots’, and I claim my five poounds.

  66. Swineshead Says:

    *watches Dave grasping at straws like a young Enoch Powell*

  67. Mikey Says:

    Yes Napoleon, you are obviously the illegitimate son of a country squire.

  68. dave Says:

    *shoots self in face*

  69. Swineshead Says:

    *notices Dave’s corpse*

    Right…who’s next?

  70. Napoleon Says:

    It’s the ‘illegitimate’ bit that’s important here, Mikey. I’m not, sadly, in the same position as Henry Fitzroy found himself in in 1525.

    THAT’S RIGHT! HISTORY!

  71. Clarry Says:

    “I’ve had to sit there for ten years scrimping and saving to get into a good financial position while pretend millionaires rubbed their conspicuous wealth in my face both in real life and in every single area of the media.”

    Good point. I’m with NC on this one.

  72. wally bazoom Says:

    Capitalist. You both send children up chimneys.

  73. Mikey Says:

    Crumbs, it all adds up. Napoleon is the heir to the throne! Look at the facts, a).distaste for new money, b). wants to keep the people in their place, c).takes the name of a French Emperor as his web “nom de plume”.

  74. Mikey Says:

    d). An interest in history. (Now that’s class).

  75. Napoleon Says:

    Wally – I would send kids up chimneys, yes.

    Mikey – Keep it to y’self, there’s a good subject.

  76. badgermadge Says:

    So, hang on…

    I rent my flat, don’t have a car or credit card. I do however, shop for clothes A LOT and my rent is steep. I’m also single so pay all my bills on my own.

    Will I be crunched or what? Something about fuel bills. My flat runs on electricity. All of it. No gas at all… Waddya reckon?

  77. Clarry Says:

    No, not at all Wally.

    I work hard doing a job I enjoy, I earn ok money, I pay my way, I save what I can and I live within my means. I am not rich, not by any means, but I am sensible and i’m not ashamed to say so.

  78. Napoleon Says:

    I think you’re in for a crunching there, Badger.

  79. wally bazoom Says:

    Yes you would, because you’re a tool of the capitalist bullyboys. I’m having you investigated by liberals and do-gooders.

  80. Mikey Says:

    OK Sire, (but when the day comes can I have Cornwall? I’ll drive those debt ridden second homers into the sea! Into the sea.. I say..into the sea!).

  81. Napoleon Says:

    Wally – I really can’t be doing with liberals and do-gooders … which adds fat to your fire, I suppose.

    Mikey – Yeah, you can have Cornwall. Mind you, cross me and it’s an attainder, a visit to the tower, and a hideous death at Tyburn for you. Think about that before you accept the job.

    *adjusts doublet*
    *composes letter to Emperor Maximillian*

  82. wally bazoom Says:

    Clarry, you’re speaking like a lapdog to the crypto-fascist state, man, those shady cats that pay lipservice to freedom, but erode your personal liberties, day by day, and tell you it’s YOUR FAULT. Get free, baby. Get free.

  83. Swineshead Says:

    Badger is going to get well crunched – the electricity aspect is the crunchiest.

    ‘Stay off the Crunchies’ is my advice – and if anyone offers you a Harvest Crunch bar, turn them down, even despite the nutty goodness and crunchy texture.

  84. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t like them Harvest Crunch bars.

  85. Clarry Says:

    Ok Wally, if you say so…

    I know it’s a swear word in here, but did anyone watch BB last night? It might pay to observe Alexandra’s arguing technique, if you want to completely annoy, frustrate and bewilder your fellow arguer.

    Remember, I told you that.

  86. Swineshead Says:

    Remember, I told you that.
    Remember, I told you that.
    Remember, I told you that.

    Remember, I told you that.

    AAAAAAAARGH.

    Why would you continue to communicate with her? I’d just not bother. I really would give up.

    Remember, I told you that.

  87. Clarry Says:

    No idea SH, I would either attempt to completely blank her or brutally murder her, right there on the spot. She’s awful. How can she go through life talking to people like that? I was so surprised that nobody, particularly the older ones, told her to shut up.

    Remember, I told you that.

  88. Napoleon Says:

    So you’ve decided to watch that shit, have you? Moron.

  89. Clarry Says:

    Yep. Although i’ve been rationed, so only tune in every other day.

  90. badgermadge Says:

    Oh shit. I thought I’d be OK because there’s no gas…

  91. Napoleon Says:

    My gas costs more than my electricity and I’ve only got a boiler. An arm and a leg it costs. An arm and a bloody leg. That’s what happens when you get your gas from the Frogs. That’s right – the Frogs.

  92. Mikey Says:

    Oil and gas nothing to do with the credit crunch. Prices up due to market forces supply and demand etc. Oil and gas companies do not want to invest in new oil fields because price will go down.
    Oil and gas prices high in uk because of privatisation of these services. If nationalised the cost would be absorbed.

  93. piqued Says:

    Hey NC, I’m watching that shit too, wanna call me Moron? Eh EH

    ILL NOCK YOR BLOKS OF

  94. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – Moron.

    *waits for block to be knocked off*
    *remembers Piqued couldn’t fight his way out of paper bag*

    Yep … moron.

  95. Swineshead Says:

    Remember NC told you that.

  96. Clarry Says:

    The credit crunch is not just about bills, petrol and food being more expensive and interest rates going up, thereby making existing loans/mortgages unaffordable, it’s also quite a lot to do with the fact that they aren’t giving people credit anymore to pay the mortgage, go on luxury holidays and buy expensive cars. Therefore, whatever your standard of living, if you can break even each month then you’ll be ok.

  97. Napoleon Says:

    It’s that whole ‘paying the mortgage on credit cards’ thing that’s fucked people up, Clarry.

  98. piqued Says:

    Who said anything about fighting?

    *yawns*

    *stab*

    *yawn*

    *cleans shoe in gaping maw*

  99. Napoleon Says:

    Ho ho! And that from the spineless little worm who trembled in fear when a dwarf spilled his pint! You wouldn’t know what to do with a knife save making ‘sensational’ food with it, you flappy old woman.

  100. piqued Says:

    This is the 100th comment, I win

    ‘A Dwarf’ = 18 stone 6 and half foot nazi from Croydon

    Tell you what NC, I know who he is (had the cunt tracked down) so when you come to London you can meet him…

    I’ll bring my camera

  101. Napoleon Says:

    Fair enough, chief. I’ve taken down bigger prey than that in my time. 18 stone usually denotes a fat guy who’s mistaken flab for power.

  102. piqued Says:

    I’ll let you decide as I’m filming your head being pulped. Of course, being a Nazi skin he’ll have his 7 mates with him like last time

  103. Napoleon Says:

    They usually do. Anyway, I’m off to spread libellous gossip on my tittle-tattle site …

    He’s a hard-workin’ man, etc.

  104. piqued Says:

    Yes, you may see why I was rather keen to leave…

    …It may come as no surprise that this incident took place in the same godforsaken town that Alex, the revolting cunt in Big Brother who shot her mouth off last night, comes from.

  105. shitbagger Says:

    I don’t know who you mean, and I’m happy for it to stay that way.

  106. Clarry Says:

    “It’s that whole ‘paying the mortgage on credit cards’ thing that’s fucked people up, Clarry.”

    I know, that’s why I said it.

  107. shitbagger Says:

    I know you did. That’s why I said it too.

  108. Clarry Says:

    She (Alex) is almost as hateful as that new girl from BBLB, Zazi (?)

  109. Clarry Says:

    Phew! Glad we got that one cleared up…

  110. Swineshead Says:

    I watched 3 minutes of Big Brother’s Little Brother and gave up – fucking appalling. I should point out I only watched those five minutes because of an enormous hangover.

  111. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Fucking hell, I leave you lot for five minutes…

    I’ve been out working (see: making drinks for wankers in snooty restaurant bar – martinis at 12:30pm? Filthy alcoholic bastards).

    Still, least I wasn’t getting het up about the mind-bogglingly tedious subject of who’s got the most cash.

  112. shitbagger Says:

    That wasn’t what we were saying, Wagonwheel. As per usual, being thick as pig shit’s made you get hold of the wrong end of the stick.

    AND YOU CALL THAT WORK?

  113. Swineshead Says:

    He has got the wrong end of it, hasn’t he? Silly little sod. Let’s take it in turns to thump him.

  114. george Says:

    I like the apprentice reviews on this website, which is a testament to the peple who write them consdering I find the actual programme tedious.

  115. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I know you weren’t, I was just simplifying it into the most basic of money debates to annoy you. Y’gits.

  116. shitbagger Says:

    Twit.

  117. Anne Says:

    I would like to also suggest:

    Extreme Makeunder
    How To Look Good Naked Because You Can’t Afford Any Clothes

  118. Swineshead Says:

    ‘makeunder’ – I like that very much.

  119. Anne Says:

    Extreme Makeunder is, I think, for people whose homes have been repossessed, so they’ve ended up living somewhere really shit and have to do the place up using some sticky-back plastic and a few bits of old rubbish, like on Blue Peter but without having one you made earlier for back-up.

    Either that or it’s for people desperately trying to sell their houses who can’t afford to do them up nicely because, thanks to the credit crunch, all they can afford is a bit of sticky-back plastic and a few bits of old rubbish.

    I agree with the person above who opted out of having a credit crunch. If we all ignore it, it might go away; it’s all a bit self-perpetuating at the moment.

  120. Swineshead Says:

    Doing up a house with sticky back plastic and bits of rubbish…. isn’t that 60 Minute Makeover?

  121. Who Says:

    Everyone knows credit crunch is a type of new cereal, made from shards of cut up credit cards, coated in delicious honey.

    SENSAYSHUNAL

  122. shitbagger Says:

    Alright, where’s the Apprentice review. I want to bask in my victory in choosing the winner/laugh at your also-ran choice in your office sweepstake.

    NOW VAT’S WHAT I’M TAWKIN’ ABAHT.

  123. Swineshead Says:

    Yeah right – you picked Lee? Funny, I don’t recall that.

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