I’m a manager of people

by

Mario

Watching BB on your behalf

Here’s the lowdown on Mario

Mario – Well, back home where we come from, we have a fan club.
Lisa – Mario was watched by 14 milion people on the Ant & Dec.
Mario – I’m 43 years old, i’ve spent years networking and meeting people, I know literally millions of people.
Lisa – Literally millions.
Mario – That is a literal amount of people.
Lisa – And he’s Project Manager of the biggest toilet installation firm in Warrington.
Mario – I think of meself, as I’ve said before, as a Manager of people. Feel me hair – it’s like a pineapple!
Lisa – His hair, eh? Like a pineapple ain’t it?
Mario – See, I’ve got experience of all this, so I wear me hair like a pineapple. Like they do on the Ant ‘n Dec. See Mikey?

Mikey walks into a wall

Mario – From a Health and Safety aspect, Mikey – that’s a no-no.

Continues to impress himself with tales of his time on Ant & Dec whilst holding mug of tea in manly fashion.

Fin

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17 Responses to “I’m a manager of people”

  1. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Hmm, these potted characterisations are ok, but I wouldn’t say they’re your best, SH.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    plums

  3. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I put it down to Big Brother contestants being too tedious to humourise.

  4. goodbyetoallfat Says:

    “I put it down to Big Brother contestants being too tedious to humourise.”

    I put it down to them being *soooooooo* utterly ridiculous they satirise themselves !!

    I think you could have added in a few more “I’m a manager of people / I’m a people manager” quotes Swineshead.

    I’ve only seen a few episodes (honestly!) and didn’t watch tonight but did catch the music task a day or two ago and that seemed to be all Mario the Plank said, arguing with Rex, trying to do things differently, trying to re-allocate instruments and CONSTANTLY saying,

    “I’m a people manager / a manager of people / I know how to manage people”

    and then to Mikey, at the table: “I could manage this lot with my eyes closed standing on my head if I chose to” (I’m sure that Mikey with zero vision really appreciated this comment).

    While he was doing all that crap other contestants were actually DOING the task, learning how to play their instrument. When it came to the performance, who couldn’t puff one single note on his Tuba?

    Yeah Mario “I can blow my own management trumpet, but not a tuba” bloke.

    Uggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh

    Is it any wonder I did not turn it on tonight?

  5. Swineshead Says:

    Clarry alerted me to his ‘Open your eyes!’ comment.
    Marvellous stuff.

  6. Clarry Says:

    “…and then to Mikey, at the table: “I could manage this lot with my eyes closed standing on my head if I chose to” (I’m sure that Mikey with zero vision really appreciated this comment).”

    My favourite of Mario’s clangers regarding eyes and Mikey went something like this:

    Mario – “Look people the wedding is cancelled, yeah?. Mikey is hungry, and if anyone hasn’t noticed he’s got a disability, so his needs come first, OK?. Come on people OPEN YOUR EYES!”

    The twat.

  7. Swineshead Says:

    Sheltering his inadequacies behind a blind person… he’s a very confused man. I likes him. Him and his missus could be the next Peter and Katie.

  8. Clarry Says:

    No they couldn’t. Even Peter and Katey have more wit and charisma than these two berks.

    I find their faces intriguing. He does look very much like Sly Stallone, and she somehow looks like his ageing mother but younger, all at the same time. And why did she wear a bandana, Rambo stylee, on eviction night? And what is it with the hats? God I really despise these two….

    P.S She looked beautiful with that brown lipstick on didn’t she?

  9. Swineshead Says:

    But he’s been seen by 14 million people on the Ant n’ Deck, Clarry. You’d do well to remember that.

  10. Clarry Says:

    Yeah, I know how could anyone compete with that? Only the tiny minds of two, tanned twats from Warrington would believe that they’d be popular as they’d been on the Ant and Dec, along with the thousands of other TV contestants. Why would that alone be enough to save them from eviction? Who would even remember them?

    ‘Member I told you SH, ‘member I told you….

  11. Gilbert Wham Says:

    I’m fairly sure the bastards have been seen by that many fellow doggers in windy car-parks round the country. If they’re not swingers I’ll eat my hat.

  12. goodbyetoallfat Says:

    CLARRY: “No they couldn’t. Even Peter and Katey have more wit and charisma than these two berks.”

    Totally agree. I have to admit I did watch quite a bit of the first week as when it was announced that the producers had cooked up this wickedly evil plot to separate them and make Maria pretend to be with Steph, I thought “it couldn’t happen to a nicer couple” and I watched out of gleeful morbid fascination.

  13. goodbyetoallfat Says:

    sorry typo …. I meant make MARIO pretend to be with Steph

    However “Maria and Steph” might have been even *more* interesting !!!

  14. Clarry Says:

    Mario’s gameplan has just become clear to me. Mario and Lisa believe that being seen = popular. Mikey cannot see him, so in Mario’s mind he can’t be popular with him. Maybe that’s why Mario spends all his time with Mikey incessantly mothering him…. to try and convert him!

  15. henry dead Says:

    i haven’t watched any big b this year and refuse to watch such rubbish. i watched the first 8 series incessantly however. the blind man should be voted out or killed surely. Mario looks cute.

  16. Mikey Says:

    It’s like King Lear!

  17. Mikey Says:

    btw I do not watch this utter garbage, but it finds you!

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