The Jeremy Kyle Show

– “Hello, and welcome to today’s Jeremy Kyle show. I’d like you all to meet Donna!”
– “WOO!”
– “YEAH!”
– “Fucking bitch!”
– “Donna, hi, welcome to the Jeremy Kyle show.”
– “Hi!”
– “Now, you’re here because you suspect your boyfriend Lee has picked up a sexually transmitted disease after sleeping with another woman, is that right?”
– “That’s right, Jeremy, yes.”
– “So … not giving him want he wants at home, eh?”
– “What?”
– “Oh, don’t come the bloody innocent with me, girl! I wasn’t born yesterday, you know! You’re barren, that’s the problem here isn’t it?”
– “Barren …”
– “DON’T INTERRUPT ME!”
– “I wasn’t …”
– “Just answer the question!”
– “I don’t know what you mean, Jeremy.”
– “Stupid as well as infertile, eh? Typical! Well I suppose we’d best drag the mutant you’re sleeping with out here …”
– “Wha?”
– “Ladies, and gentlemen! Please welcome Lee!”
– “BOOO!”
– “HISSS!”
– “BASTARD!”
– “Lee, hi, welcome to the Jeremy Kyle show.”
– “Alright?”
– “DON’T TAKE THAT BLOODY TONE WITH ME, YOUNG MAN! You might think you can have it your own way when you’re fishing around in this bitch’s knickers back home in whatever cave you people live in, but you’re not bloody-well getting away with here, understand?”
– “Eh?”
– “I SAID ‘DO YOU UNDERSTAND’?!”
– “Yes!”
– “You got a brain, Lee?”
– “What?”
– “A brain! What’s up there, in your head! What makes your arms and legs move! The thing that makes you sleep around behind the massive back of this monstrous ogre you’ve saddled yourself with, you stupid little bastard!”
– “I’ve not done bin sleeping b’yind ‘er back, like!”
– “YES YOU HAVE, YOU BLOODY LIAR!”
– “I’yaven’t!”
– “HOW DARE YOU! YOU COME HERE, ON MY STAGE, AND DARE TO TELL ME YOU’RE NOT SLEEPING AROUND??”
– “I … I …”
– “DON’T YOU DARE!”
– “But … I …”
– “I SAID ‘DON’T YOU DARE’!”
– “I …”
– “ADMIT IT!”
– “Hnnn …”
– “CONFESS!”
– “Bu …”
– “CONFESS!”
– “Huurr …”
– “CONFESS! CONFESS! CONF …”
– “Alright, alright! I’YAVE BIN SLEEPING B’YIND ‘ER BACK!”
– “AHA! I KNEW IT! GUARDS! TAKE THIS ADULTERER AWAY AND TEAR OUT HIS TONGUE!”
– “NO! WAIT! PLEEEEAAASE … AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!”
– “Right! After the break we’ll meet Carrie. She suspects boyfriend Tony wasn’t telling her the full truth when she found a strange phone number in his work jeans!”
– “WOOOOO!”
– “We’ll be right back!”

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Tags: Entertainment, ITV, Jeremy Kyle, Television, The Jeremy Kyle Show, TV, Uncategorized