Liberal Porn

by

No, that’s not the name of a TV show – although, perhaps it should be. Slow motion shots of Iraqi detainees being molested, fiery rants from religious bigots and the detailed financial histories of American politicians all rolled into one orgasmic cum-escape of righteous indignation and moral fortitude.

A study recently revealed that conservatives are more relaxed than liberals; that rightwingers accept inequality is a requirement of society and thus are more at ease with it than lefties – who can’t justify the inherent inbalance in society. Nothing provokes Guardian readers more than injustice from the Western world, and since there is plenty of that around they are always more stressed. Daily Mail readers, meanwhile, simply get on with it.

Liberal porn, to my mind, is programming that stimulates that debate and reminds people that the bad behaviour of human beings is a result of liberal leanings, but at the same time acknowledges that to suppress it would be against all the positive values our society is built on.

It’s a moral quandary, alright, and one that will never be solved but will always provide entertaining television. To whit; my televisual viewing a few Tuesdays ago.

First up – 9pm on BBC2 was Age of Terror: War on the West. Billed as an incisive look at al-Qaida’s tentative first steps into the business of international terrorism, it was actually a mawkish tear-jerker about bomb victims in Kenya. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that this story is not an important one, because it is, and I’m not trying to be sarcastically dismissive of the lives ended and destroyed by this terrible act, because I’m not – I just wish that television documentaries would focus less on the horrifying acts and personal tragedies and more on the machinations and motivations of what is, quite clearly, the defining subject of our lifetime.

If the makers of Age of Terror really wanted to discuss terrorism they’d have concentrated less on the minutiae of the day’s events, less on the grisly recreations, less on the administrative blame and less on the emotional handwringing and more on the subject of motivation and history.

We all know, by now, that to be the victim of a terrorist attack is a horrific thing, that the US administration are at best incompetent and at worst despotic and we all know that al-Qaida have some really fucked up ideas – now let’s concentrate on education about the subject so we can best continue from here, and less on how evil the bad guys are and how morally justified we are.

The liberal is now frothing; If another fucking bespectacled pseudo-journalist thinker starts pontificating about global behaviour and then turns his unblinking camera on a blinded OAP talking, in depth, about the day she was nearly blown up and calls it factual news, then I’m going to take up arms myself. The fires were stoked, the indignation was fueled, the emotions engaged, the ego in rage. The world is fucked up! People are suffering! If only they were more liberal and realised that religion was the opiate of the masses, like me.

Next up. 10pm on More4 was True Stories: Taking Liberties.

This is more like it, no stories of deformity or bomb induced blindness – just amusing polemic that merged statistical facts with whimsical personal interest stories. You know the sort of thing – the two grandmothers who were the first people arrested under the Prevention of Terrorism Act for looking at a US Airbase, Mark Thomas and hoards of Big Chill refugees turning Whitehall into a bureaucratic nightmare with a practical joke protest, a trim-bearded dad wishing his daughter wouldn’t get arrested and investigated by MI5 anymore… it’s like Michael Moore but oh-so-English.

Our host was Chris Atkins – a stoned equivalent of Jon Ronson – and he surrounded himself with the oppressed masses, the grassroots activists and the right-on politicians and slowly he revealed a staggering argument in favour of our Labour government being more oppressive and legally domineering than any that have gone before it. Yes, it was polemic and yes, it was very one sided, but Atkins made a very entertaining and very convincing film that allowed facts to back up his position.

A few glasses of red wine in, the liberal is now simultaneously defiant and hopelessly lost. Those women who looked after the man who was under house arrest for NO FUCKING REASON were heroes and if only we were more like them then the world would be a better place, but the government already has so much control it’s impossible not to feel beaten and submissive.

Pathos is the emotion of the moment – self pride at simply surviving in this Big Brother state takes over – the liberal now begins to view themselves as a rebel, as a revolutionary… the wine is now 2/3rd down, the foreplay is over.

Finally. Third base. Channel 4+1, Jesus Camp. In a previous life this was an Oscar nominated feature, but what with surrounding confines of Amy Winehouse: What Really Happened and a repeat of Dirty Sexy Money it was cut down to an hour and given, bizarrely, an incredibly jarring Manc voiceover – thank heavens for responsible programming.

It’s a documentary about the fundamentalist Christian summer camp Kids on Fire – the sort of place where parents force their kids hands up when asked ‘who believes God can do anything’, where children use dollar bills as bookmarks in their bibles and where praying at the feet of a cardboard cut-out of George Bush is deemed normal behaviour.

Yes, we’re in wacko territory here, folks – where the liberal viewer can be seen rubbing their hands together in glee at the very sight of these evolutionary fucktards proclaiming Jesus as their saviour. If ever there was a sight better designed to outrage the late night Channel 4 viewer than 5 year olds strapping baby foetus’ to their wrists and crying for the lives of the friends they’ll only meet in heaven then I have never seen it. Unfortunately this TV edit robbed the documentary of much of it’s balance as the previously included opposing views were massively trimmed… instead of a reasoned debate on the interpretation of Christianity we were offered more of a shock-doc; a freakshow of dangerous religious nutjobs rather than an inward look at our world.

Despite all this, it’s actually an incredible documentary; a fascinating and challenging story that really makes you consider the idea of a religious upbringing as a form of child abuse, and how the best of intentions can go dangerous off course. It’s also worth it for when the Pastor denounces Harry Potter as the work of the devil. Hilarious.

The liberal now rests deflated on the sofa; a primordial stew on their trousers. Their views have been challenged, their thoughts questioned and they have come out more defiant than before – they are right, the TV has proven it and they shall continue to keep up their moral indignation under the world is a fairer place.

And now to bed, to dream of unicorns.

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34 Responses to “Liberal Porn”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    That Jesus Camp was good, but at the end, when the text came up to show what happened subsequently, those few seconds were more interesting than the preceding 50 minutes.

    So the main pastor got sent down for soliciting a rent boy and the church got shut down due to negative reaction to the documentary – depicting these events (the aftermath) would have made a better documentary. Couldn’t help but feel they should’ve left the cameras running a month or two longer.

  2. Dave Medlo Says:

    If memory serves that text wasn’t at the end of the feature version, so I’m thinking it may have been added on after the film was cut down for TV. A follow up would definitely be interesting, though…

    Ted Haggard, the minister what got done for boy fucking, was the same guy who threw Richard Dawkins out of his church for ‘calling his children monkeys’ and objecting to having his sermons compared to the Nuremberg Rallies.

    Dawkins has got some good points, but when you walk into a mans house and say he reminds you of Hitler you shouldn’t be surprised if he gets angry.

  3. Swineshead Says:

    What if you walked into Hitler’s house after travelling through time to Nazi Germany and said that? He’d probably just confirm that he was Hitler. Your argument is flawed.

    Ted Haggard – was that his name? I bet he’s pretty haggard now, what with having his livelihood taken away due to enormous hypocrisy.

  4. Swineshead Says:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Haggard

    The silly sausage.

  5. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Excellent post, would make points but I have to walk to catch a bus to walk to a train station to take a train then another train then the tube then a bus. I love not having a car. It’s great.

  6. Dave Medlo Says:

    I will grant you that my argument is flawed in so far as if I were to walk into Hitlers house and say he reminded me of Hitler he probably wouldn’t be offended, however I believe that since that only applies definitely to one man I don’t think it’s too outlandish a statement.

    Equally, were I to walk into your house and called you Swineshead you’d probably reply, whereas most over people would simply be confused. Especially if I didn’t know them, they didn’t speak English or both of the above.

  7. Swineshead Says:

    I’d wonder why you were calling me by my online pseudonym, what with me knowing you and all that. So again, your argument tumbles into crumbly shreds before you, AGAIN.

    There’s probably been more than one Hitler, by the way.

    JQW – shame we won’t get any insights from you on this. I’m literally holding back my tears using tear-duct gloves.

  8. Dave Medlo Says:

    Would you not respond to Swineshead if you were addressed by it? I think you would, dear boy, if not only from the result of a momentary lapse… and I addressed you by your pseudonym to spare you shame in your real life…

  9. Swineshead Says:

    If you’re trying to compare me to Hitler in some insidious way then I’m offended. Typical American.

    Kids on Fire is a terrible name for a summer camp. I would never send my kids to Kids on Fire in case they got set on fire.

  10. Dave Medlo Says:

    And equally, while there may have been more than one Hitlers in the world (Mr and Mrs Hitler, to name but two) I’m pretty sure than none of them think you’re referring to them instead of the despotic murderer of 6,000,000 people.

    Which is more likely?

    “You remind me of Hitler”
    “Oh you mean Bob HItler who lives at number 43?”

    or

    “You remind me of Hitler?”
    “Get out! We may share the same surname but I’m not like him.”

    Hmmm. You may win on technicalities, but I claim victory for logic.

    To end this comment I was going to post a clip of My Family where Robert Lindsey refuses to employ a man because he looks like HItler, but I couldn’t find it. I did discover, though, that this guy has been steadily whole uploading episodes of My Family for weeks now. Who does this?
    http://www.youtube.com/user/yazoo178

  11. Swineshead Says:

    He does this. Yazoo178. Him.

    I can’t actually understand why anyone spends their day uploading stuff to youtube that they didn’t actually create. Same goes for seeding torrents. I only do it if I’ve forgotten to delete it after download. I’m grateful to these bozos but I think they’re dim.

  12. Swineshead Says:

    Now you mention it, Bob Hitler at no. 43 still has my lawnmower. I’ll have words.

  13. Dave Medlo Says:

    People are weird, aren’t they? I especially don’t understand people who do whole episodes of shows… if they feel so compelled to release it onto the net why not at least use torrents so you can have good quality, not a shitty blurry screen surrounded by links.

    And when you see Bob, ask him for my rotisserie stand back as well.

    Just me and you in here today, is it?

  14. Swineshead Says:

    Looking that way. Crisps?

    I might be able to sneak another Big Brother post without too much complaint….

  15. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Who says ‘Crisps?’

    I’m off now, really. Hope those gloves hold up.

  16. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Also, this is the FOURTH time that the First Group bus schedules website has not been working on the day I need it. It’s always fine when you check it on a whim, but the fucker goes down EVERY time you actually need it.

  17. Clarry Says:

    I’m here today too, but didn’t watch any of above so didn’t write anything.

    Yeah, go on SH, do another BB post….

  18. Swineshead Says:

    Piqued’s meant to be doing one but he’s a lazy bastard at the best of times. And a drunken paedophile at the worst of times.

    In the medium times he’s just drunk and lazy.

  19. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I hear he pushes things up his arse too.

  20. Clarry Says:

    I thought you were catching a walk and bussing to a train or something JQW?

  21. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I am. Walked to the bleeding bus stop just to find out times. Nout until 12:40. Time to prepare the bus driver’s five-pounds-twenty with a soaking of baby batter and faeces, methinks.

  22. Clarry Says:

    SO you’re punishing the poor bus driver because of your poor planning and/or the inability to use timetables.

  23. Swineshead Says:

    He’s a youthful idiot, Clarry – he’s barely out of short trousers. And he’s made of foam.

  24. Clarry Says:

    God, not foam. Anything but foam. In the world of cooking foams are so passé.

  25. Swineshead Says:

    Not that kind of foam. The kind of foam that 70s sofas were upholstered with. That’s what JQW’s made of. Foam.

  26. Clarry Says:

    Ahhhhhh foam, NOT foam. I geddit now.

    Bored…

  27. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Yes. Ironically, my actions would be more likely to cause bus drivers to strike for higher pay because of all the jizz and poo they have to deal with, making fares higher.

    I’d still feel better though.

  28. Clarry Says:

    Just because bus drivers are grumpy bastards who give you evils should you dare to attempt to pay your fare without the exact change, doesn’t mean they should be subjected to your bodily exudations.

  29. Clarys Says:

    Was thr Jesus Camp documentary the one that showed children, “speaking in tongues” at the beginning, and had most of them saying, “I was saved when I was 5”? If so, I remember seeing the first half hour and then being unable to watch the rest.

    I saw the repeat of the Louis Theroux doc from an American prison the other day, that was excellent. Me loves Louis.

  30. Swineshead Says:

    That was is Clarys.

    And that Louis Theroux documentary was pretty good. Louis Theroux, Adam & Joe and Giles Coren all went to school together. If you didn’t already know that, you could have guessed it.

  31. Swineshead Says:

    ‘That was is’

    What’s wrong with me?

  32. Clarys Says:

    Probably the same as my affliction, “Was thr”. Fucks sake.

  33. Gilbert Wham Says:

    You’re probably a liberal.

  34. Dave Medlo Says:

    I probably am. Self haters, the lot of us…

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