Response: Heinz Advertisement Withdrawal


Though we here at WWM are not noted for taking a stand on current affairs, may we just say that the decision by Heinz to withdraw its commercial for New York Deli Mayonnaise after receiving two hundred complaints is, to put it politely, A GREAT BIG BAG OF SHIT.

Not withstanding the fact that the advert – which depicts a mother magically transformed into a New York deli chef thanks to her marvellous mayonnaise – has nothing to do with ‘promoting a gay lifestyle’, just what, WHAT(???), the fuck do Heinz think they’re playing at withdrawing it even if it did?

I thought we’d got past listening to the lunatic rumblings of a bunch of squirming, middle-class buffoons who find the idea of homosexuality uncomfortable? Apparently not, if their idiot, knee-jerk reaction to a handful of gripes written by prejudiced fools is anything to go by.

Shame on you, Heinz. Shame on you for withdrawing an advert that didn’t actually ‘promote a gay lifestyle’, but should now stand as a symbol for the shit homosexual people still have to deal with from an ignorant bunch of tosspots stuck in the fucking Dark Ages.

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67 Responses to “Response: Heinz Advertisement Withdrawal”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    Spot on, but they might not have been middle class, those who complained. They could have been anyone.

    200’s a pitiful figure.

  2. Napoleon Says:

    My apologies to those members of the middle classes who don’t find the concept of homosexuality uncomfortable. And damn the members of the lower orders and that shower up at the top who are squirming at the thought of a good bit of holiday felching.

  3. Swineshead Says:

    That’s better.

    *eats beans*

  4. Sam Says:

    200 is indeed a pitiful figure. Here’s a petition set up to counter the 200 complaints that got the advert pulled, 201 complaints from the other side ought to justify its return, no?

  5. Swineshead Says:

    Sam – you’ve broken the 200 barrier (you’re on 206 now). I look forward to seeing the ad reinstated this evening on my idiot box.

  6. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve just signed, and it was on 216. So that’s already 16 more people who aren’t outraged by gay people. Come on, sign up!

  7. Sam Says:

    Yeah, we’re now up to 245, and the Heinz website’s email function has conveniently stopped working..

  8. Napoleon Says:

    Has it now? What a surprise. You’d think someone might have thought to mention that this decision might have negative connotations before they hastily withdrew it, wouldn’t you? There’s only one way Heinz can make amends in my book – two men, buttered up to the gills in mayonnaise, going hell-for-leather at one another’s nobs whilst a copy of The Daily Mail is ceremoniously burned above their heads. AND THEY SHOULD SHOW IT ON KIDS’ TV.

  9. Swineshead Says:

    If they did that, they’d sell mayo to people who don’t even like mayo.

  10. Napoleon Says:

    Exactly! They’ve missed a trick on this one, have Heinz. The bastards.

  11. Sam Says:

    Too right, I hate mayo but with an advert like that I’d have myself a year’s supply!

  12. piqued Says:

    This sort of thing would never happen to my beloved Hellmans

    *fucks jar*

  13. Napoleon Says:

    And no doubt you’d still buy that Hellman’s if it was advertised by being smeared all over a man’s backside, Piqued? I bloody well would, and I’d also like to know where I could get hold of one of those arses too. This is a fucking disgrace. Heinz needs birching.

  14. Napoleon Says:

    Where have our pictures disappeared off to?

  15. Mrs. Tilly Anne Fortescue-Smythe Says:

    Heaven forbid that we ever (even inadvertently) make a reference to gay culture. SHOCK AND HORROR. Who the hell gets offended by these sorts of things any more, apart from white-hooded, overweight wheezing South Carolinians?

    Things would be much easier if the The Gays stayed in their counter-culture underground, screwing each other illicitly in downtrodden alleys, but we have to face the fact that they’re Here And They’re Queer. Anyway, if it weren’t for the great strides of modern acceptance, who would consult me on what to wear / decorate / wax?


  16. Swineshead Says:

    Christ – it’s Mrs. Tilly… I wondered where she’s got to what with her never updating her blog.

    *watches Heinz ad for millionth time*

  17. Mrs. Tilly Anne Fortescue-Smythe Says:

    My blog has fallen by the wayside, like a neglected child. I keep waiting for the internet equivalent of the child protective services to swoop down and extricate it from my grimy, listless hands.

    I’ll update it. I’ve stories to tell lads!

  18. Swineshead Says:

    *doesn’t hold breath*

    *spoons Hellmans down buttcrack*

  19. Napoleon Says:

    It’s injustice that’s bringing ’em out of the woodwork, Swineshead. At this rate, we may even hear from the disinterested Paul Groves, the feckless Dave Medlo, and the celebrity talking head extraordinaire, Andrew Collins.

    And that’ll be me in the shit with him again, no doubt …

  20. Swineshead Says:

    Paul Groves – Johnny come Lately
    Medlo – Miss America
    Andrew Collins – indifferent superstar

  21. Napoleon Says:

    It’s the little people they forget when they get to the top, Swineshead. They forget, these celebrities (like Coliins), that it’s us buggers that put ’em where they are. Well, I don’t, as I gave up on him after they cancelled that movie show he used to do with that DJ from Bolton with no neck … but you get my point. He’s turned his back on YOU, Swineshead. He’ll be up there now, no doubt, eating caviar in the nude with his celebrity cronies such as Les from The Bay City Rollers, internet sleuth Pete Townshend, children’s favourite Gary Glitter, and the rapist John Leslie. Us mortals don’t get a look-in.

    That said, if I was in his position, you lot could whistle.

  22. Swineshead Says:

    More importantly, I’ve got the pictures back.

  23. Napoleon Says:

    That’s alright then.

  24. Napoleon Says:

    I see Sam’s up to 317 signatures now. Well done, Sam.

  25. Swineshead Says:

    Sam might’ve started something here …

    Maybe if we wrote to companies en masse saying what we actually WANT to see in ads, we might get it?

    *writes stiff letter to various retail and FMCG companies including tattered cut outs from grot mags*

  26. Sam Says:

    327 now, the comments that people are leaving are well worth a read. Some excellent and profound points!

  27. Sam Says:

    Good idea that! First off I would write to the Red Driving School people and demand that that sexy bloke that fronts their ads takes his shirt off immediately.

  28. Napoleon Says:

    I’ll happily join in with that. From now on, I want all TV adverts to feature naked men cavorting about covered in mayonnaise. Even ones for Self Assessment Tax Return reminders. I’d like to see Adam Hart-Davies try telling me I’m about to incur yet another £100 fine with a great big mayonnaise-smeared willy in his mouth. I want MORE gay adverts now, MORE.

  29. Swineshead Says:

    Christ, that Adam Hart Davies one is an enduring image.

    Imagine the Werther’s Originals adve….

    *stops self*

  30. Sam Says:

    If that is to be the policy from now on, Cilla Black should be suspended from advertisements IMMEDIATELY.

  31. Napoleon Says:

    Why? That awful Liverpool Victoria advertisement could only improve if Cilla was flat on her back indulging in the love that dare not speak its name with Esther Rantzen and a big jar of mayonnaise. MORE, I SAY, MORE!

  32. Swineshead Says:

    ‘Cilla Black’ – isn’t that abit racist?

  33. Sam Says:

    … I think I’ve officially joined the ranks of the 200.

  34. Swineshead Says:


    Have you had a shift in opinion, Sam?

  35. Napoleon Says:

    No. She changed her name from Priscilla White, so if anything she’s ultra-right-on. I think.

    On the subject of racism, would Heinz pull an advert that featured black people eating beans if enough members of the BNP sent in letters to the ASA?

  36. Sam Says:

    I’m afraid so, see above re: Esther Rantzen and mayonnaise.

  37. Sam Says:

    And no they would not, hence the perceived ridiculousness of their decision to pull the mayo ad!

  38. Napoleon Says:

    What about two racists eating ravioli if enough gay people complained?

  39. Swineshead Says:

    I think Black and Rantzen writhing in mayo is a wonderful notion.

    All slick and pink and crumpled – like a prawn cocktail.

  40. Napoleon Says:

    As long as they don’t kiss. Those mawlers crashing together could cause an earthquake.

  41. Swineshead Says:

    Right, I’m off to eat an enormous and evil curry.

    See you tomorrow, when I’ll be farting grufts so high pitched only St Bernards’ll hear them.


  42. Napoleon Says:

    I hope it’s a gay curry not made by those bastard Heinz bastards? Or better still, a gay curry in the shape of Cilla’s lesbian tits, with a picture of Adam Hart-Davies on the can playing with historian Dan Snow’s great big …


  43. Sam Says:

    I’m having a curry also, but it’s from Sainsbury’s. They have Jamie Oliver in their adverts, and that’s practically the same as having a gay man.

  44. goerge Says:

    That’s it? I kiss my grandmother in a more suggestive fashion.

  45. Swineshead Says:

    I also kiss George’s gra…etc…

  46. Sam Says:

    500+ signatures now, much more than I was expecting in a day, and certainly more than enough to void this silly argument in favour of banning the advert!

  47. Napoleon Says:

    I hope you’ll be doing somethimg with this, Sam. Or does it automatically get sent off to Heinz?

  48. Gilbert Wham Says:

    I read somewhere once (or possibly made up myself) that 1 complaint = 10,000 pissed-off people, because the other 9,999 can’t be arsed to write in even though they are mouth-breathing bigoted retards who share the same opinion. Anyway, Bob Carrolgees used to advertise Hellmans, which automatically makes it better than Heinz.

  49. Robin Says:

    That was effing hysterical. The boob-oigousie has certainly found it’s voice in anoymous posting!

  50. mostlylouche Says:

    Do any other products offer a miracle transformation? What would a jar of mustard turn someone into?

  51. Joanne Says:

    Bill O’Reilly has had a fit over the advert. Proving yet again that he’s a complete and utter twat.

    It’s a British advert. Why is he sticking his fat whiny nose into it?!

    P.S. I have no idea how to make that into a link.

  52. Joanne Says:

    Oh would you look at that, it did it for me!

  53. Swineshead Says:

    Clever, ain’t it?

  54. george Says:

    Bill O’Riley… Last time I saw him he was berating the son of a 9/11 victim for daring to oppose the war on Iraq, I think he said that his father would be ashamed of him. Nice bloke.

  55. Mr.Chipz Says:

    I think this is appalling, to think this ad was ‘gay’ is just….words fail me.

    Now, an ad where a chap ate some mayo before blowing his muck all up a hairy man’s back would be gay. AND I’d buy the product.

    I suspect this wasn’t a class thing…I see the hand of stupid Christians at work. You know, the happy clappy kind who are in league with fucking satan.

    Right, that’s my contribution, I have to go and make a child cry now.

  56. dave Says:

    I called for Ghost to be banned in the 80s cos of the Whoopi Goldberg, Demi Moore scene. Filth. And racial.

  57. george Says:

    I only just found out that Derren Brown was one of them queers. Can you imagine it? Him, on TV, in front of our children? I’m literally angry with rage.

  58. dave Says:

    He’s also balding.

  59. piqued Says:

    I think Freddie Mercury should be put in prison. There, I’ve said it

  60. dave Says:

    I’d say he’d be in a more suitable place than prison now, Piqued. Sleep easy.

  61. Sam Says:

    Well fuck me, 1540 signatures.

    Yes I’ve already sent it off to Heinz, multiple times, no response yet though. Guess I’ll just have to keep hitting the send button 😉

  62. Mr.Chipz Says:

    Freddie Mercury?! dats nuthin, i just found out abt stephen fry!!!!!!!! its a disgras dey let im on da telly all da tim. HEZ A QUEEER!!!!!111 u cud v foold me! i neva new now i feel SIK!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111

  63. george Says:

    The thing that makes me sick is how much time the namby pamby liberal media are dedicating to uninportant issues and not concentrating on the secret gay agenda that’s infiltrating our country. Both the Guardian and The BBC are spending time covering some election in Zambia or something.

    What happened to the good old days, where gay people stuck to keeping shctum, prison or music halls?

  64. Swineshead Says:

    The thing that makes me sick is kissing your grandmother in a suggestive fashion.

  65. george Says:

    I thought she was a good kisser. Very tender. Soft hands.

  66. goerge Says:


    Bill O’Rilley: OF COURSE IT WAS A GAY THING! … I don’t know what the message was, apart from gays like mayonnaise.

    I want that to be inscribed on my tombstone.

  67. pelle Says:

    a little late to post this maybe, but…

    “Heinz ‘men kissing’ ad: US Christian group urged firm to pull commercial”

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