One Second Review – Alphabeat: Fascination


Is it just me, or (apart from being bloody awful) does this:

Sound worryingly like this:


Is this the start of a new trend?

What’s next? Nick Cave doing the theme to Button Moon? Slayer covering Wacaday

It’s the beginning of the end.

One other thing:

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

121 Responses to “One Second Review – Alphabeat: Fascination”

  1. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Thought that the first time I heard it, akshly.

  2. Napoleon Says:

    Dog With Tits! Huzzah!

    Please could readers of WWM post this picture on their sites? Thank you in advance … and if you don’t you’re a fat, old twat.

  3. badgermadge Says:

    Aw, I like Alphabeat! They’re just so… happy!

  4. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Women, eh lads?

  5. badgermadge Says:

    I’ve done it. But if my ass gets sued, I’m holding you responsible for feeding and clothing me until my dying day. OK?

  6. badgermadge Says:

    I also like that whingey girl in that band. She whinges loads about people not knowing her name…?

  7. Napoleon Says:

    Badger – You won’t need clothes, love, not in my house. And you might be surprised what I’ll be ‘feeding’ you too. Hey? Hey?


  8. badgermadge Says:

    Lovely. Although won’t I need some carbs to go with all that protein?

  9. Napoleon Says:

    I suppose you can have some pasta, for fuck’s sake. Bloody women.

  10. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Look out for the new improved video DOG WITH TITS! coming to a youtube near you.

  11. badgermadge Says:

    oh god. quite tempted to put it as my facebok profile pic…

  12. The Tombstone Says:

    I can’t see videos at work, what are the two videos of?

  13. Napoleon Says:

    Video? Hello? What’s this, eh?

  14. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

  15. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    It’s got impressive production values.

  16. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    It was really quite emotionally draining, making it. After the whole 3 minutes I was practically in tears.

  17. Swineshead Says:

    Do you talk to yourself in real life, JQW?

  18. Napoleon Says:

    You leave him alone, Swineshead. That stink of copydex in here is coming courtesy of Dog With Tits’s unshackled and uncensored anus thanks to the tireless efforts of people like Wagonwheel, Badger and … and you.

  19. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I think Dog With Tits needs some sort of presence on NIB and BC&B.

  20. charliemingles Says:

    Before the devil knows your name appears to have downloaded. thats this evenings entertainment covered.

  21. Swineshead Says:

    It’s ‘Knows You’re Dead’.

    I hope you’ve got the right film. You may be disappointed.

  22. charliemingles Says:

    no, its the right film, just my typing. It starts with marisa getting shagged and apears to be so for the first 20 minutes. definitely the right film. I see phiip seymour hoffmans in it too. brilliant actor.

  23. The Tombstone Says:

    Oh yeah was that Devil thing anygood? I was going to watch it but it was over 2 hours and I can’t sit still that long

  24. Swineshead Says:

    It’s pretty bloody good, I thought.

  25. charliemingles Says:

    theres two different devil things tombstone.

    One is a film starring my wife marisa tomei-mingles.

    The other was some documentary I never got a chance to see.

  26. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Sh – was exactly as I’d described it, wasn’t it?

  27. Matt Says:

    It’s a trend started by Lilly Allen. Try listening to the appalling crap that is “Alfie”

    Without singing the chorus to Mr Blobby’s song…

  28. Swineshead Says:

    Dave – you’re getting The Devil and Daniel Johnson confused with Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead. Again.

  29. daveselectricblanket Says:

    SH – Again? What?

  30. Napoleon Says:

    This is a good film. Watching Marisa Tomei butt-naked being rogered from behind has catapulted it to the number four spot in my all-time top ten movies. Thank you, Swineshead.

  31. Swineshead Says:

    Dave – you’re a fucking moron.

    NC – not a problem. I was delighted myself to see Mr Mingles’s wife being rammed from behind by Fatty Seymour Hoffman before parading around a bedroom in front of Ethan Hawke in a pair of frilly undercrackers. So I thought I’d share the knowledge as any self-respecting gentleman would do.

  32. daveselectricblanket Says:

    SH – A part of me died inside just now.

  33. Swineshead Says:

    Was it the moron part?
    Or the sci fi loving bit?
    Either would be an improvement.

  34. charliemingles Says:

    What can I say – we have a very modern marriage.

    She lets me review vagina related tv shows. I let her shag fat sweaty american actors. it works for us.

  35. Napoleon Says:

    Dave’s not a moron, Swineshead. I think you’re doing the poor lad a disservice there.

    By the way, have you added Dog With Tits to your site yet, Dave? Mate?

  36. daveselectricblanket Says:

    SH – You’re a common bully. People like you ruined my school career and that’s why I’m a moron. It’s a paradox.

  37. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – Actually, it was people like me that ruined your school career.

  38. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve a theory, Dave, that every pupil in a school is both bullied and a bully.

    Besides, if I were a bully, it wouldn’t be a common one.

  39. daveselectricblanket Says:

    I think we all know SH wore the trousers in your childhood days.

  40. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve got proof that that’s not the case.

    3 x C90
    1 injured guinea pig
    Many eyewitness accounts

  41. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – No he didn’t. For a start, I was older and louder than him and once trapped his guinea pig in a door because I was a brute. If I’d been at your school, I’d have leathered the living daylights out of you for your lack of ability in competitive sports.

  42. charliemingles Says:

    Speaking of sexy MILFs, any of you boys seen this one? I think Mrs Mingles might give me a one-day pass.

  43. Napoleon Says:


  44. daveselectricblanket Says:

    A long-haired Crispin Glover lookalike would beat up a, then, avid rugby player? Laugh on, country boy.

  45. Napoleon Says:

    Something like that. The point is, I would have made your school life a bloody misery.

    Anyway, where’s my fucking dog picture?

  46. Swineshead Says:

    Crispin Glover?!
    Hardly… he looked more like a hippy Mark E Smith.

  47. Swineshead Says:

    Mingles: if you’re having a day with Cherry Pie, can I borrow Tomei for the day?
    I won’t touch her, just ask her to parade about the bedroom for the day in front of me and Ethan.

  48. daveselectricblanket Says:

    I’m judging by that superhero video he uploaded.

  49. Napoleon Says:

    I do not look like Mark E Smith, you phalluses.

  50. Swineshead Says:

    ‘Embedded’, not ‘uploaded’.
    By Christ, Dave – I thought you were a geek?!

    You’ve let your fellow bespectacled, white-whale daylight-hiders down with that ‘uploaded’ nonsense.

  51. daveselectricblanket Says:

    He would have to upload it to embed it, would he not?

  52. charliemingles Says:

    SH, the last time I lent her to a friend she launched her acting career. thats how this whole sorry mess started in the first place. So, no – is the answer to that one.

  53. Swineshead Says:

    One of the snapshots from Saturday night:

  54. Swineshead Says:

    I uploaded it, Dave.


  55. charliemingles Says:

    isnt that the portrait bradley walsh keeps in the attic?

  56. The Tombstone Says:

    No you just copy some HTML to embed, don’t you? Normally from someone else’s uploaded thing.

  57. Napoleon Says:

    CUNT! Right, you bastard. For everyone’s information, Swinehead looks EXACTLY like Freddie ‘Parrot Face’ Davies. That’s this fucker here.


  58. alison Says:

    I bloody love that Alphabeat song and have for the last two years, and now you’ve gone and ruined it with that Duck Tails rubbish.

  59. The Tombstone Says:

    I like having teeth, teeth are awesome.

    Chomp chomp.

  60. charliemingles Says:

    Tombstone, dont start on HTML’s.

    You’ll scare off all the MILF fanny presently hovering tentaively at the WWM door, too scared to come in.

  61. charliemingles Says:

    nice contemporary reference nc.

    Im thhhick thhick thhhick up to ‘ere!

  62. Swineshead Says:

    *puts Charlie on most sexist list*

    Don’t complain, Mingles, it’s been a long time coming.

    Remember when you mentioned that you thought I look a bit like Parrot Face on Saturday, Napoleon? I took this photo of you chuckling, you’ll recall:

    Alison – there’s my good deed for theday.

  63. The Tombstone Says:

    Just tell them HTML’s a new clothing store, where the clothes are sparklier and the child labourers suffer greater injustices.

  64. The Tombstone Says:

    I want to be on a list.

  65. Napoleon Says:


  66. Swineshead Says:

    Just payback for the G-Pig, Perry.

  67. charliemingles Says:

    sorry SH. Marisa loves at that durty talk and I sometimes forget that you upstanding respectable sorts find it a tad too earhy.

    Will give her a right good spanking later as punishment. hope that helps sir.

    *throws self on plastic sword*

  68. Napoleon Says:

    I’ll get you for this.

    Any chance you could buy a guinea-pig, cherish it as a friend, then courier it up to me?

  69. Swineshead Says:

    I haven’t really got room for another guinea pig in my life, not after last time. I can’t go through that again.

    See Eastenders last night? Who are those new people? I fear change.

  70. The Tombstone Says:

    The new Eastenders are a bunch of boring freaks, quite unlike the old Eastenders.

  71. Napoleon Says:

    I think they’re there to add some musclebound stallion/top-shelf pussy to the line-up. Sadly, the two original actors they gave the parts to were killed in a crash, so we’ve got two people who look like they’re riddled with cancer instead.

    I can’t wait for Bianca’s boyfriend to get out of prison. Apparently, he’s a paedophile, and I’m sure the EastEnders writers will handle his storylines with the same bull-in-a-china-shop sensitivity they approach everything else with.

  72. Swineshead Says:

    Oh Christ – where’d you hear that??

  73. The Tombstone Says:

    I can’t wait to see Peggy leading the angry mob with flaming torches screaming “Go on get out of Walford, go on gerroutofit”

  74. Napoleon Says:

    The missus was reading it on one of her EastEnders insider obsessives sites. I for one am looking forward to seeing Bianca’s kids being sexually abused at 7:30 in the evening when I’m trying to eat my kievs … hey, who wouldn’t be?

  75. The Tombstone Says:

    How old’s her eldest? Is it wrong to fancy her yet?

  76. piqued Says:


  77. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t know if she’s street legal yet, Tombstone. Best avoid that and focus on the strangely-attractive Stacey. By God, I can’t be the only man who wants to march that woman about a bedroom, can I? AND the fat one that plays Tania, AND Roxy with her udders, AND Fat Pat …

  78. Swineshead Says:

    Apparently this is the actor playing Tony

  79. Napoleon Says:


  80. Napoleon Says:

    He doesn’t look like a paedo. Where’s his glasses?

  81. Swineshead Says:

    ..AND Big Mo.

  82. Swineshead Says:

    Piqued, it’s working you ruddy technophobe.

    *Creates list*

  83. Napoleon Says:


  84. The Tombstone Says:

    To be honest I’d plow pretty much everyone on Eastenders except for the very young and the very old. Anyone between 16-50.

  85. Swineshead Says:

    Really Tombstone? Male and female??

    I salute you.

  86. piqued Says:

    Yes, fucking ‘testings’, many tests make testings

    I’ve been trying to post on here since lunch

  87. The Tombstone Says:

    Oh, I just meant the chicks. Although Sean Slater is pretty hunky. I could be the one to tame his wild heart.

  88. Napoleon Says:

    That narrows your targets down a bit, Tombstone. Giving y’self that age range, you miss out on taking a pop at Brenda, Peggy, Mo, Fat Pat and Dot. Now who wants to limit ’emselves to just taking Stacey’s wobbling udders in their hands when no limits means you can invite Dot along for a bit of ‘backdoor fun’ once you’ve finished putting the delectable Ms. Slater to the sword? Not me, I know that.

    AND I’d jizz on Stacey’s insane mother’s legs.

  89. Napoleon Says:

    Testings,,, testings, is, this thing, working,, yet?

  90. The Tombstone Says:

    Yeah but by the sounds of it you’re quite old yourself Nap, as a sprightly young chap I’d have my pick of the 20-30 somethings and you’d be left with Dot and co anyway.

  91. The Tombstone Says:

    Although Jim Branning, with not being able to talk or protect himself, might be quite exciting. Just waiting for the right combination of sounds that sound sufficiently like “Fuck me” and then giving him what for would be an evening and a half. And the next day you could be all like, who’s a messy boy, as he laps up the morning’s jizz breakfast.

  92. Napoleon Says:

    Balls! You’re forgetting the fickle nature of all the women on the entire planet, Tombstone. I would merely need to flash them a copy of my last bank statement, and the fannies of Stacey, Dawn, Chelsea, Roxy, Ronnie and the ravishing Bianca would swoon before my quivering financial acumen. That’s how birds work.

    And no, that wasn’t sexist.

  93. The Tombstone Says:

    I think that was a bit sexist, top of the list sexist in fact.

  94. Napoleon Says:

    Alright, so it was a tad on the sexist side, but so what? I’ll happily field any complaints from the ladies if they’ll care to accompany me to the bedroom … where they belong (+the kitchen)!

  95. The Tombstone Says:

    Have you been hurt in the past Nap?

  96. badgermadge Says:

    i switched enders on last night after about a week of not watching – i know, i’m as shocked as you, but you know, you have to make sacfrifices when you’re in that honeymoon period don’t you – who’s that skinny fecker whose head it too big for his body?

  97. Napoleon Says:

    Tombstone – Not especially, no. I’m just a dinosaur.

    Badger – He’s EastEnders’s new fanny magnet. I’m surprised you’ve recovered enough to type after swooning last night at the sight of him.

  98. piqued Says:

    I saw ‘Enders for the first time in years last week, It’s utter shit, all of it. Shit

  99. Napoleon Says:

    Testings? Hello,,,,? Is, anybody,,, out, there?,


  100. piqued Says:


  101. The Tombstone Says:

    Eastenders sucks, Holloakes is where it’s at

  102. Napoleon Says:


  103. The Tombstone Says:


  104. Napoleon Says:


  105. daveselectricblanket Says:

    *Wank fodder

  106. badgermadge Says:

    Yup, I much prefer Oaks, although I’ve not seen much of that lately either. In fact, I’ve not watched much TV for ages. Saw Mock the Week and The Secret Millionaire recently. Oh, and X Factor. But that’s it.

    SHIT! What has that boy DONE to me?!

  107. Napoleon Says:

    Couldn’t tell you unless I saw how you’re walking at the moment, Badger.


  108. The Tombstone Says:

    You can’t beat Michaela’s zoo babies as well, those monkeys are so cute. And she is pissed as a fart which makes it so much better.

  109. Napoleon Says:

    I hate monkeys. Ugly little fuckers, the lot of ’em. For my money, you can’t beat lions when it comes to wild animals. Brilliant looking things, they are, and they make smashing rugs.

  110. The Tombstone Says:

    But the little monkeys wear little nappies and they have huge eyes and they’re always running around and causing mischief.

  111. daveselectricblanket Says:

    This is brilliant! My favourite wild animals are bears. The Walrus is awesome too, and I’ve seen a YouTube video where one takes down a lion and one where, because the lion couldn’t handle the walrus’s strength it died of starvation. Epic.

  112. Napoleon Says:

    Bears are alright. I’m not so keen on Pandas, which strike me as surplus to requirements, but the other types of bears are OK. I also like tigers as they’re jazzy.

  113. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Ligers are the best because the cells that retard their growth hormones isn’t there but, like the Ass, they’re all infertile.

  114. Napoleon Says:

    I saw a liger in a newspaper once. Wasn’t impressed at all. Keep it simple, I say – Tiger on the one side, lion on the other. Then release the partition wall and let the buggers fight to the death!

  115. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Search Youtube for the video in which a Russian boy creeps into a bear enclosure and proceeds to play it the banjo, in a bonding ritual. The results are hilarious.

  116. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t look at stupid clips on YouTube, Dave. I only watch crappy Cat Stevens and Paul Simon videos on there.

    Anyway, you play a bear a banjo and you deserve the fucking consequences. I wouldn’t go near one o’those buggers unless I was wearing a suit of armour and carried a blunderbus.

  117. Good Dog Says:

    That first song would sound better if all the cock knockers involved were being repeated punched and blowtorched.

    Dog with tits…

    Not Christina Applegate then

  118. The Tombstone Says:

    Swineshead, I have written my article on ‘Tonightly’ and sent it to the email address, have a look and let me know.

  119. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    You stayed in the President Hotel? Fuck a duck that’s right where me college is.

  120. indy Says:

    bitch tits.

  121. Swineshead Says:

    I think Indy’s summed it all up better than anyone else could’ve hoped to. We owe him for that.

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