One Minute Review: Doomsday

by

Neil Marshall’s got previous, having made the rubber-wolf rubbish that was Dog Soldiers and the ultra-dull Descent. The former featured some army-types getting trapped in the middle of nowhere and fighting werewolves, whilst the latter was about an unengaging bunch of pot-holing chicks getting eaten by horrible anaemic white ghouls. Even from those brief descriptions, both films sound mildly watchable, if not like a ruddy good laugh. But they aren’t a ruddy good laugh. Neither of them. Both run out of steam within 30 minutes then rely on brain-haemorrhage speed-editing to try and involve you, to no avail.

Marshall’s got something very wrong with his mechanism. Every time things are looking good, he seems to take a completely mental premise with massive potential for larks and then slowly blood-let every element of surprise, fun and enjoyment from it. It’s like he finds some ancient, forgotten VHS of a good fun splatter film and, instead of remaking it with mad-good effects, he just takes it out of the cover and gently shits on it.

And so we come to Doomsday. Though, if you’ve any sense, you won’t come to Doomsday – you’ll let it gather dust on the racks. After a hefty amount of exposition-time in which Bob Hoskins manages to swear a lot, unconvincingly, our protagonist (played by Rhona Mitra) convinces us she’s a cold-hearted, killing-machine bitch. Then she gets sent to Scotland which is now a quarantined hinterland with the mission of finding a cure for the virus which has turned the Scots into disease-ridden cannibal bastards. With mohicans. Who have just finished  being duff extras in Mad Max.

It’s a nice, absurd premise, but what follows is just set-piece after set-piece of jarring action sequences. And then a mediaeval bit. And then a massive road chase that never seems to end.

It would be an unremarkable bit of fluff, but the dialogue is so unbelievably poor that the viewer has no choice but to start actively disliking what’s going on. I think the Rhona Mitra character is meant to come across as a stern, Aeon Flux type character. She actually seems more like a frigid, miffed newsreader and you want her to die as violently as Sean Pertwee did in the first bit. Only quicker.

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139 Responses to “One Minute Review: Doomsday”

  1. Napoleon Says:

    You have to hand it to Sean Pertwee: He can’t act his way out of a paper bag and he looks and sounds like Wurzel Gummidge. Yet still he finds work. If he had an ounce of charisma, he could well be the new Roger Moore. Sadly, because he hasn’t, he’s simply the male equivalent of Sadie Frost.

    This film sounds SHIT.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    I once saw Pertwee in an Islington boozer with Jonny Lee Miller, both dressed to the nines and sipping premium lager.

    And that’s the end of the anecdote.

    The film’s utter shit.

  3. Napoleon Says:

    Good anecdote. Almost as good as my one about seeing the actor John Shrapnel in a book shop buying a book.

    Apologies for the name dropping there.

  4. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I’m sure he can now find work as Daniel Craig’s body double. Perhaps in a film about how Daniel Craig got all withered.

  5. Swineshead Says:

    John Shrapnel working as Daniel Craig’s withered body double? It could work.

    I saw Lisa Riley drinking a drink through a straw through a window in Covent Garden.

  6. iamnotthebeatles Says:

    I met Ricky from Eastenders in the bar after watching a pantomime he was in.

    I told him I loved his performance.

    He looked at me like I was a total fucking nutcase and immediately crossed the room.

  7. Napoleon Says:

    Daniel Craig’s withered? Is this a different Daniel Craig from the musclebound James Bond actor?

  8. Swineshead Says:

    iamnotthebeatles – seeing as you’re using an internet pseudonym and we can’t see what you look like, for all we know Sid Owen could’ve been well within his rights – are you a fucking nutcase?

  9. Dave Says:

    I saw the guy who does the voice for Bob the Builder last week, having a beer outside La Tasca. I was on my way to a pool club.

    He was drinking beer and, no doubt, waiting for Tapas.

  10. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I saw Hugo Weaving getting out of a car he’d been driving in a street.

  11. Swineshead Says:

    NC – we were talking about a theoretically-speaking withered Craig in JQW’s hypothetical body-double world, try to keep up you old bastard.

  12. Swineshead Says:

    That’s Neil ‘love rodent’ Morrissey, you’ll be talking about Dave. Strange that you identify him from his children’s TV work, do you watch a lot of ceebeebies? Research, is it?

  13. Napoleon Says:

    Alright, if we’re throwing names like Ricky off of Eastenders into the ring, how’s about this? I once saw the Rancor Monster keeper from Return of the Jedi crossing the street in London. AND I tried chatting up Deborah Denby Ash from My Family in Heathrow airport and got told to fuck off. So there.

  14. Dave Says:

    I cite it as his greatest achievement. No need to be rude.

  15. The Tombstone Says:

    I remember Dog Soldiers, I couldn’t tell whether they were being serious or taking the piss though, perhaps a bit of both.

  16. Swineshead Says:

    This is turning into a retread of Napoleon’s underwhelming celebrity competition.

    I once told Samantha Janus that I suspect her brother Hugh Janus has a large anus – not only managing to insult her but also mixing up how my crude gag was going to work along the way.

    I also asked Jasmine Lowson if she is Jasmine Lowson and she said ‘yes’ to let me know that she is Jasmine Lowson.

  17. Swineshead Says:

    I’ll be as rude as I like David – it’s my post. You knicker-wearing bastard.

  18. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – Sorry about that. I thought that idiot JQW was saying the REAL Daniel Craig was withered. I didn’t realise he meant an imaginary Daniel Craig. It’s easy to see why I made the mistake, as JQW is a right fucking arsehole.

    JQW – Cheers for shoving my dog picture up on your site, mate!

  19. The Tombstone Says:

    That sucks I’ve never met anyone famous, although I live in Coventry so there’s not a lot of them kicking around.

  20. Dave Says:

    Fair enough. Did you watch that YouTube video, sir?

  21. Swineshead Says:

    You’ve got this hideous whale for the next fifteen minutes, Mr Tombstone…

    http://tinyurl.com/turdmuncher

  22. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    NC – No problem mate! Now stop fucking about back in the dark ages and drag your wilting grey matter into the (imaginary) world of imaginary withered Daniel Craigs.

  23. iamnotthebeatles Says:

    Swineshead – I went to watch a Pantomime starring Ricky from Eastenders.

    What do you think ?

  24. Swineshead Says:

    I didn’t David. But I will. Better be good. You thong-sporting motherfucker.

  25. The Tombstone Says:

    Yeah my mate’s mate saw her and that Luke bloke at a train station. Apparently she’s even fatter and uglier in real life. Although as it’s a mate’s mate kind of thing it could be bollocks. Although who would lie about such a crap celeb spot? *Hopes he hasn’t started up the what counts as a celeb debate again*

  26. Napoleon Says:

    Phwoooooaaaar! You shouldn’t foist that on the internet without first checking we’re all correctly dressed. I’m in my dressing gown in my front room, and I’ve just given a party of passing primary school children a very grown up surprise thanks to that photo. You’re a menace.

  27. Swineshead Says:

    iamnotthebeatles – added to the fact you told Sid you loved his performance, I reckon you need a fucking lobotomy.

  28. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Nice to know I’m not the only one sporting a cheeky dressing gown meat-hammock at Swineszey’szzs porno postings.

  29. Swineshead Says:

    Only perverts wear dressing gowns.

  30. Napoleon Says:

    It’s not as impressive as Iamnotthebeatles’s Sid Owen encounter, but I’ve ‘met’ the big man too. By ‘met’, I mean I was in a traffic jam on the M62 and Sid was in the car in the next lane. I couldn’t be bothered to wave at him as I hate Ricky.

  31. The Tombstone Says:

    Why’s everyone in their dressing gowns and I’m at work, having a duvet day are we all?

  32. iamnotthebeatles Says:

    Napoleon : here is your interesting someonewhooncetoldmetofuckofffact of the day.

    Daniela Denby Ashe is of Polish descent. When her parents were getting married in the UK, they used the telephone directory to search for a suitable English-sounding surname, as some people wouldn’t learn how to pronounce Pszkit. One found “Denby”, the other “Ashe” and as they couldn’t decide which to use, they decided to double-barrel the two surnames.

    Gosh.

  33. Napoleon Says:

    Perverts, the unemployed, students, the mentally incapable and home workers, Swineshead. What’s the fucking point of getting dressed?

  34. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Because:

    1.) NC doesn’t do a real job so he can wear one all day if he so pleases.

    2.) I work late into the evening so I doss around all morning. Plus I’m a layabout student freeloader.

    3.) SH’s a pervert.

  35. The Tombstone Says:

    Now that is some fine ass trivia right there. I’ll be drunkenly telling everyone that on Saturday at my sister’s housewarming party until I’m politely asked to leave.

  36. Swineshead Says:

    I walked past Jenny Powell in Lincoln once.
    And this one’s for the dressing gown brigade:

    http://tinyurl.com/wheeloffortune

  37. Napoleon Says:

    Iamnotthebeatles – That’s a good fact, is that. I shall use that to add a new layer of depth to my Deborah Denby Ashe tale the next time I choose to bore my friends with the anecdote in a pub.

    I WANT that woman.

  38. Napoleon Says:

    She’s let herself go.

  39. The Tombstone Says:

    Hardly seems fair, me having to get dressed and get the bus to come here and pretend to work while dossing about on tv blog forum post things while you’re all wanking into your rice crispies watching Jeremey Kyle.

  40. Swineshead Says:

    What’s the fucking point of getting dressed?

    Are you depressed? Get a hold of yourself, man!

  41. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Christ, her pendulous tit-baggage has got my craw peeking through the towelling flaps. Sorry gran.

  42. The Tombstone Says:

    I would destroy Deborah Denby Ashe, she’d be a snivelling wreck I tell ya.

  43. Napoleon Says:

    I saw Brian Cant coming out of an off-licence in Lincoln weighed down with clanking bottles of fresh booze. Another childhood illusion shattered right there, the drunken old git.

  44. Swineshead Says:

    Denby-Ashe – just googled her and now know who you mean. She was very attractive as the simpering girlfriend of a madman in Eastenders but she’s gone off the boil in my humble onion.

  45. Napoleon Says:

    I’m not depressed, I just can’t be arsed to get dressed. I’m saving valuable time by not needing to unzip flies and what-have-you when I need a piss. Time and motion, y’see? Time and fucking motion.

  46. The Tombstone Says:

    And yeah what the fuck has happened to Jenny Powell?

  47. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Gone off the boil? Looks like she’s been dipped in fondue for 2 months and come out with saggy tits.

  48. Swineshead Says:

    Age has happened to Jenny Powell. She’s doing alright, considering. You should see the state of my tits, and I’m only 29.

  49. The Tombstone Says:

    Who the heck is Brian Cant?

  50. Swineshead Says:

    JQW – you’re getting your Denby Ashes mixed up with your Jenny Powells.

  51. Napoleon Says:

    She was lovely in EastEnders (after she became street legal, of course), and it was just after she left the show that I tried it on with her in Heathrow. If she hadn’t told me to fuck off, I could be living on her My Family millions now, and I would be best friends with Robert Lindsay and ‘woof woof’ Zoe Wattamistakatamaker.

  52. Napoleon Says:

    “Who the heck is Brian Cant?”

    You know you’re getting old when an adult asks that question.

  53. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I know the guy who started gut-barging.

  54. iamnotthebeatles Says:

    Why exactly did she tell you to fuck off Napoleon ? Was it your choice of words ?

  55. The Tombstone Says:

    So who the heck is Brian Cant, old man?

  56. Napoleon Says:

    No you don’t, JQW. Unless you’ve been around since Viking times. Arsehole.

  57. piqued Says:

    I don’t know who he is either NC. I’m too young for Play Away

  58. The Tombstone Says:

    Maybe it was the fact you called her Deborah when her name’s Daniela

  59. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Gut barging is entirely made up. Did you not realise? This bloke made it all up and became a media figure for a while. Binkie Braithwaite. I know ‘im.

  60. Swineshead Says:

    Brian Cant was around longer than Playaway (which is slightly before my time, though I remember the theme tune) – he was also in the fantastic Bric a Brac as well as Chocabloc. I used to love those shows.

  61. Napoleon Says:

    I can’t remember what I said to warrant a ‘fuck off’. Probably something about her tits or her fanny or – children leave the room – her anus. Woman is a tricky beast to handle.

    Brian Cant was everyone’s favourite TV uncle in the 70s and 80s, Tombstone. And he narrated Trumpton.

  62. Swineshead Says:

    Binkie Braithwaite?
    What a fucking stupid name.

    *realises calls self ‘Swineshead Zambezi’*

  63. Napoleon Says:

    JQW – Nah. You only have to look at the sport to see it’s really really old. Like axe throwing or cheese-rolling. You’re wrong, you twit.

  64. piqued Says:

    Trumpton, Chigley, Camberwick Green some old duffer in then office just told me

  65. The Tombstone Says:

    Oh, I fucking love Trumpton. Nice to put a name to the voice.

  66. Dave Says:

    I saw a bit of David Beckham’s head in a Bentley on the M6 in 2003.

  67. The Tombstone Says:

    Is anyone watching that Rory McGrath and Paddy McGuiness thing about British sports, I’ve yet to see it, any good. Anyone going to review it?

  68. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4158/is_19961004/ai_n14087395

  69. piqued Says:

    Really? He lives in Thailand with 20 8 years old. You ‘fucking love’ that do you Tombstone?

    U R SIK

  70. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    You’ll eat your words, Cockaparte! Some day, you will eat your words!

  71. Swineshead Says:

    Paddy McGuinness? Is he that bouncer from Phoenix Nights who’s become somewhat above his station?

  72. The Tombstone Says:

    I love how some of the sponsered links on that article are weight loss sites.

  73. iamnotthebeatles Says:

    JQW – I used to know vaguely Binkie too, years ago when all that faux gut barging nonsense occurred. ie We chatted in his local every now and again.

    Oooh, here’s a good one – prepare yourselves : Hugh Cornwell once bought me a curry. I was in a band at the time and he asked me what I was up to at the moment.

    I said “I am another struggling musician I am afraid.”

    He replied looking straight into my eyes “Are you really afraid?” – and was being deadly serious.

    Bonkers I tell you.

  74. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Christ, you’re from BOA?

  75. The Tombstone Says:

    It makes me wish I was 8 years old again piqued.

    Yeah, I quite like Paddy McGuiness, he was funny on The F Word and the Greggs ads.

  76. The Tombstone Says:

    Who the heck is Hugh Cornwell?

  77. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Bloke from the Stranglers. To be fair, I mainly know about him from one Mr. Goulstone.

  78. Swineshead Says:

    The British Orthopaedic Association?

  79. iamnotthebeatles Says:

    JQW – I was romantically entangled with somebody who lived near there whose best friend was a guitarist who actually did live there. The Chris that you mention.

  80. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Blimey. Well that’s weird.

  81. The Tombstone Says:

    Why is our email address required to post on here?

  82. piqued Says:

    ‘Who the heck is Hugh Cornwell’

    He wasn’t in Take That or Blue

  83. Napoleon Says:

    Why will I eat my words? Is that a threat born from frustration at finding out I’m right about the ancient origins of gut-barging? Twit.

    *eats something that ain’t words*

  84. The Tombstone Says:

    Is that a dig, piqued? I know music, just not people’s names and that. Besides if it’s not Tom Waits I tend not to give a shit.

  85. iamnotthebeatles Says:

    Errr… it is isn’t it.

    *changes the subject in a bit of a panic*

  86. Napoleon Says:

    I have it on good authority that the lead singer of The Human League lives near me. I’ve tried finding out where, but have discovered people get violent when you press your head up against their front windows to see if Phil Oakey’s inside.

  87. Swineshead Says:

    Apparently the Dalek in his front room window is a dead give away, Napoleon.

  88. The Tombstone Says:

    I guess in theory The Enemy must live somewhere near me, Coventry being a relatively small city. Unless they’ve buggered off now they’ve hit it big.

  89. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Making quite a pile of words for yourself to eat there, Napoleon. I hope you’re hungry.

  90. Napoleon Says:

    Really? I’ve avoided that house as I assumed a short-sighted mole man who likes wanking in the dark, watching Battlestar Galactica DVDs and who has never, ever had a girlfriend lived inside.

    Y’know? Like Dave?

  91. Napoleon Says:

    *eats some more cheese – no words involved*

  92. Dave Says:

    The Enemy are shit, and I reckon they called themselves that to sound vaguely like The NME – which isn’t fit to be used as bogroll.

    They push the Ting Tings on us and Noah and the Whale ( a band I’d like to torture to a slow death with a pack of frozen potato waffles ) then place old timers like Oasis on the front cover. Rubbish.

  93. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    That new song by the Ting Tings pisses me off, largely because their female member seems unable to pronounce a ‘t’, favouring an affected glottal stop instead.

    I’m a bloody pedant.

    NC – better put a few words on that cheese, otherwise you’ll have a whole pile of words to eat at once, and that’ll leave a bitter aftertaste.

  94. The Tombstone Says:

    I hate The Enemy and The Ting Tings. I also hate being told I should be proud of the Enemy because they’re from Cov.

  95. The Tombstone Says:

    Shu’ Up An Le’ Me Go

    Her mother must be so proud.

  96. Swineshead Says:

    The Ting Tings – that song that says ‘Shut up and let me go’ – is it meant to be a rip off of Rappers Delight / Blondie? Or was that an accident?

    It’s fucking shit.

  97. Napoleon Says:

    JQW – You have no way of proving me wrong about my spurious claims gut-barging began in Viking times, and you know it. I’ll put those words away – no need for me to eat them. Ho ho!

    Plus, you’re a depressingly average human being who won’t amount to much above inheriting family money.

  98. Swineshead Says:

    Is JQW ‘from money’?

  99. The Tombstone Says:

    I guess if people like it there’s nothing you can do though. I people want to pay £10 to have a mouthy woman who can’t sing shout at them while some retard bangs a drum when they drive to work then that’s their business.

    All I can do is will the car to crash while I listen to decent music, like Genesis.

  100. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t know these Ting Ting people. I’m happily ignorant of most of the rubbish in today’s Hit Parade. Indeed, if it weren’t for teenagers playing music about jewelry, asses and BMWs on buses, I wouldn’t know about anything after about 1997. Are Blur still going?

  101. The Tombstone Says:

    Has anyone wikipediaed gut barging, we all know that site is a fountain of well researched truth. That will close the matter.

  102. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – Of course he is. He’s already admitted grandpapa was friends with Queen Elizabeth, and pater is a famous artist, don’t ye know? All very la-de-da.

  103. Napoleon Says:

    Tombstone – Gut barging is an ancient Viking sport. That’s a FACT you can’t prove wrong because you’re not Simon Schama or Peter Snow’s boy.

  104. The Tombstone Says:

    I think Blur have teased a comeback, not sure if they can get Coxon back on board though.

    I entered a song into a contest where you had to make a piece of music based on a piece of art from the Tate Modern, it was voted in the top 20 and was then judged by a panel including Mr Coxon himself, didn’t win though. Possibly because I couldn’t be bothered to go to London for the judging, probably because my song was a bag of wank.

  105. The Tombstone Says:

    I have no interest in proving you wrong, in fact I have no interest in the matter whatsoever. It does seem like something the Vikings would come up with though.

  106. Napoleon Says:

    Tombstone – Thanks for that. Your support adds weight to my argument. Already the suspicious nature of my claim that gut-barging originated in Viking times is gathering credibility. You’ll see it on that oafish rubbish Wikipedia next. Then the imbeciles who use the internet as their soul source of information will forever believe me, me, me and not that spoiled mummy’s boy Wagonwheel.

  107. The Tombstone Says:

    Yeah I must say I’m still firmly in the ‘who gives a feck’ camp.

  108. Napoleon Says:

    Speaking of Wikipedia, I did enjoy Andrew Collins’s readers’ childish attempts to change the article on Barabas to include the ‘fact’ he was a bummer. That’s what the internet’s for – none of this serious nonsense.

  109. Napoleon Says:

    Tombstone – Even though you don’t give a feck, I’m still adding you to the growing army of people who believe gut-barging has been about since the time of Eric Bloodaxe.

  110. Dave Says:

    That sounds like a royal waste of time, Tombstone.

  111. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    ‘A depressingly average human being who won’t amount to much above inheriting family money.’

    Christ, what do you want me to do, dye me hair pink and shout about the queen being a bitch?

    I think you’re referrring to a friend of mine, Digby, who calls himself ‘an interminable posh fuckwit, plunging head-on into mediocrity.’

  112. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – It does, doesn’t it? Almost as much of a waste of time as sitting in a room on your own watching special platinum collector’s edition limited 10th anniversary gold label DVD box sets of Battlestar Galactica.

  113. The Tombstone Says:

    Okay if comes down to it and I’m asked by pushy journalists who need to know the important question of when gut-barging orignated I will happily tell them the viking bloodaxe thing.

    What does Dave?

  114. Napoleon Says:

    JQW – I’m referring to you, you blue-blooded, landed gentry throwback with your big ears and curly clown hair. You people disgust me with your money and your sexually deviant females and your castles.

  115. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Tombstone – you’re playing a sucker’s game here. You’re just lured by Napoleon’s picture of George VI and the whiff of devil-may-care colonilaist jackboot leather that hangs around him.

  116. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    That’s right. Colonilaist. By Dior.

  117. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    NC – that’s the last time I invite you round for a pig roast and spring rite.

  118. The Tombstone Says:

    Someone at my place of work keeps trying to fuck up Wikipedia articles, everytime I go it says messages like “Please stop trying to fuck up Wikipedia or you’re IP will be blocked” The messages keep coming and the first one was years ago so I’m guessing they can’t block our IP after all.

  119. Napoleon Says:

    Any idiot knows that’s George V in that picture. How am I supposed to trust the word of a man who mistakes George VI for his father when it comes to matters of historical accuracy? I’ve officially won this thanks to your inbred aristocratic ignorance – gut barging originated in Viking times. FACT.

  120. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    George V, George VI, both the same person, actually. Check it on wikipedia*.

    *don’t

  121. Dave Says:

    NC – I’ve never asserted that I’m spending my time well but, yes, they are comparible waste of times.

  122. Napoleon Says:

    You’ve made yourself look like a big-eared buffoon, Wagonwheel. What next? Henry VII was the same person as Henry VIII?

    Only in the skewed world of the inbred aristocracy can the father being also the son at the same time be seen as normal. You people really are a set of buck-toothed genetic mutants.

  123. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Hoho, what next, Simon Amstell jokes?

  124. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – I was just passing Tombstone some ammo. I don’t think he knows what a spotty, pasty-faced oik you are, and it seemed unfair for you to be able to take a pop at him without his being able to retaliate with some well established facts about your good self.

    And you wank in the dark.

  125. The Tombstone Says:

    *Is still confused what his waste of time was*

  126. Napoleon Says:

    JQW – I’ll leave that to Dave – he does the Simon Amstell jokes better than I.

  127. Dave Says:

    Wanking in the dark to a tune Iabout the thawing of a Bridseye garden pea.

    It’s a tortured affair, and there’s screaming. Sometimes blood. But I do it for the art.

  128. The Tombstone Says:

    2 questions.

    1. Whats wrong with wanking in the dark, who the hell wanks in the light?
    2. What was my waste of time?

  129. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Two questions that reveal more than any answer.

  130. Dave Says:

    It’s not a waste of time. You’re just a part of an artificial culture, funded by the government.

    If you enjoy it, though, that’s great.

  131. Napoleon Says:

    Hello? Wank in the dark, do you? And let me guess, Tombstone – you like Doctor Who as well, yes? Ho ho! Looks like there’s a kindred spirit for you on here, Dave.

  132. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I wank with a velvet glove on a four-poster, surrounded by ladies I could tup but deign not to.

  133. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Stick that on yer blogs.

  134. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    oh, it didn’t post the link.

  135. The Tombstone Says:

    I hate Sci Fi. I don’t tend to wank to TV programmes anyway. I just do it in the dark, by myself like a normal person, except the crying of course.

  136. Dave Says:

    What’s wrong with sci-fi? You could take the screenplay for the wire and set it on a Space Station – would it stop being award winning drama? It could make it better. Throw some cyborg destroyers in there too, to add interest.

  137. Napoleon Says:

    I can’t see what all the fuss is about The Wire. It’s not half as good as The Wild Geese – the second best piece of entertainment ever made.

  138. Angelina Says:

    Stick that on yer blogs.

  139. Swineshead Says:

    Stick what on our blogs? Asian Cutes?

    I’d love to, but it’s not that kind of site.

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