Great news for morons from Channel 4, home of morons. As part of the Autumn schedule we’ll have even more cookery on the box as Gordon Ramsay swears very impressively (and live, dangerously enough) whilst Oliver will try and fail to change the world. Again.
Jamie Oliver travels to Rotherham to launch his latest campaign and face some of his fiercest critics in four-part documentary, Jamie’s Ministry of Food. The Channel 4 chef wants to recruit the locals to his drive to encourage home cooking at the expense of unhealthy ready meals and has taken the wartime ministry as his inspiration.
Gordon Ramsay will also be back aiming to extend the nation’s culinary repertoire, this time with a full seven-part series of Live Cookalong.
So, if you love watching arseholes cook stuff while you eat cereal, you’ll be well catered for.
Tags: Channel 4, Cookery, Entertainment, Gordon Ramsay, Jamie Oliver, Newsgush, Press Release, Television, TV, Uncategorized
Watch With Mothers 
August 27, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Is this sudden rush of content a bit too much?
Maybe I should calm down.
August 27, 2008 at 12:03 pm
I think theyre all getting flashbacks to their media studies o level. I know I am.
August 27, 2008 at 12:05 pm
more gurning blow-dried cookery fuckwits on tv you say? Huzzah!
August 27, 2008 at 12:08 pm
they both look like wet burlap bags full of monkey shit to me.
Two ball-hanging attention-whores, in my humble opinion.
Still, id shag jamies wife though.
August 27, 2008 at 12:13 pm
She’s written a childrens book apparently. An original idea that – a celeb writing a childrens book.
August 27, 2008 at 12:22 pm
did you see maestro last night SH?
August 27, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I actually, in all seriousness applaud jamie for that school dinners attempt which I think was a sincere if pointlessly feeble attempt to change peoples eating habits. just find him irritating when the fucker cooks. or opens his mouth.
I suspect its partly my own prejudice, but these cunts are on tv far too much. especially nork-faced cockmaster ramsay.
August 27, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I didn’t see Maestro last night, I watched 3 hours of Wire. Was it as rubbish as show 2?
August 27, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Chefs are mainly cocks, let’s be honest.
August 27, 2008 at 12:32 pm
yes SH – even worse. They seem to have misunderstood the appeal of reality tv. which is that we see people learning/changing. just showing the performances dosnt work so well, but its still ok tv. Why, youd almost think the BBC seriously wanted us to listen to the music. that cant be true though can it?
I think thats true JQ, but its also just over-exposure. remember how we all wanted to beat wogan to death after his nightly chat show?
Maybe you dont. but I do. now I sometimes hear him in the mornings and the old buffers quite likeable. of course, if I listened every day i’d go mental. again.
August 27, 2008 at 12:33 pm
True that.
I haven’t forgiven Jamie for his War on Twizzlers. If I have to choose between Jamie and Twizzlers, I’d go for the later.
August 27, 2008 at 12:34 pm
and 3 wires SH? you amateur. how do you ever expect to compete in the 2012 wire olympics with stamina like that man. twice round the field.
August 27, 2008 at 12:36 pm
3 Wires is good going for a schoolnight.
I’ve now on the bit where Hamsterdam’s been up and running for a while. And last night it went mental when Marlo thought he’d been set up…
I’ll say no more as I know George is watching a pace behind me – George – I’ve given nothing away.
August 27, 2008 at 12:41 pm
It’s all a blur to me now SH old boy.
That’s one of the drawbacks in watching a whole series in 1 or 2 sittings. Okay – they build a shrine to you in the local pub. they name drinks and children after you. but you cant for the life of you remember what happened next. and what series it happened in.
August 27, 2008 at 12:44 pm
I’ve got a feeling I’ll start from the beginning when I’m finished.
Look at this lovely man – Piqued sent me this (he’s always sending me this shit):
http://news.bmezine.com/2008/08/25/i-want-to-be-the-bad-guy/
August 27, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Anyone planning to watch My Zinc Bed tonight? It looks like terrible pretentious shite and therefore prime reviewing fodder.
August 27, 2008 at 12:49 pm
fuck me, thats hideous. its obvious to a three-year-old that these people have a self-loathing issue, usually down to some serious abuse as a child with stuff this serious, yet theyre allowed to mutilate themselves. I’m writing to the daily telegraph.
August 27, 2008 at 12:51 pm
He can do what he wants mingles, it’s his face after all.
*takes pickled-onion fork to filtrum*
August 27, 2008 at 12:55 pm
pickled-onion fork to filtrum? Wasnt that an unused track on vangelis’ seminal albedo 0.39 album?
* feels sure absolutely no-one will get that joke, but types it anyway*
August 27, 2008 at 1:16 pm
A few things, I confess to liking watching Ramsey and Oliver. SO SUE ME, YEAH
I saw most of Maestro yesterday, it’s utter shit. On the plus side that giggling little shithole Walsh got the boot but Goldie was bollocks yet the judges though he was okay, inverted racism? Don’t agree? SO SUE ME, YEAH
And I agree with SH, CM SEW SU ME, YEAHR
August 27, 2008 at 1:18 pm
A pickled onion fork? As in a special fork, fit for purpose, which mustn’t be used for spearing any other vegetable?
August 27, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Am I the only person here whose parents owned a pickled onion fork?
August 27, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Yes
U SNOBZ
August 27, 2008 at 1:20 pm
no need Piqued. Why, if ebony and ivory can live to-gethur on a piano keyboard why-o-why cant we?
I see youre still suffering from the delirium of that contract getting renewed. long may it last sir. its pretty drab down here on planet earth today.
August 27, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Here y’are
http://tinyurl.com/eatpickle-fucker
August 27, 2008 at 1:22 pm
U SnOBZS
August 27, 2008 at 1:23 pm
CM, I’ve not been able to stop fiddling with myself since last Friday
August 27, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Who’s a snob? Me? Because my parents had a 2 quid pickled onion fork?
They just happen to like pickled onions – it’s hardly a fucking aga.
August 27, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Yes, because your parents had a 2 quid pickle fork and an aga and a helicopter you’re a rotten snob Sir Henckle Pingturtle-Fingerbottom (that’s SH’s real name)
August 27, 2008 at 1:31 pm
NOW LOOK HERE, I’VE AN M.A. FROM GOLDSMITHS IN HOW TO BLOW MY OWN FUCKING TRUMPET, YOU PLEB
August 27, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I believe bertie wooster had a pickled-onion fork.
August 27, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I consider myself more of a Finknottle than a Wooster.
August 27, 2008 at 1:33 pm
PQ – dont you do that every friday anyway?
At least thats what it says here on the WWM research sheet bertie wooster gave me when I joined.
August 27, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Can we all agree on one thing? steve wright is the most irritating cunt ever to hop onboard a radiowave.
Ive got him on in the kitchen right now, the cunt, and as soon as my cheese on toast is done hes getting kicked right in the bollocks.
August 27, 2008 at 1:41 pm
id forgotten about old finknottle. excellent choice old boy.
August 27, 2008 at 1:41 pm
http://tinyurl.com/5ej7xy
August 27, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Do you have an MA from Goldsnmiths SH?
Blimey, me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
WEL EYE NEVVERSZ
CM, two words. George Lamb
August 27, 2008 at 1:47 pm
thanks SH, that makes me feel better. although I know its not exactly controversial to say steve wright is a cunt. I’ll be saying hearsay were not a real band next. mister controversial, I say it liked I sees it y’all.
george lamb. I couldnt listen to more than 2 minutes on the listen again function.
thank god hes not on R2 in the afternoons and I need something to accompany my cheese toasties.
Silence you say? the very idea, gussie old boy.
PS: is goldsnmiths, where Psmith went?
August 27, 2008 at 1:50 pm
SH: Like a Jamaican sprinter, I’m well ahead of you having finished the fourth series. Only the lack of an internet connection has stopped me from the fifth (DVD is out 22nd of Sept, can’t bloody wait).
August 27, 2008 at 1:50 pm
CM, do radio 4, the play should be on now
August 27, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Dear steve
Just thought I’d drop a quick line to say how much I Love the show, its great. A great show. Really like the show.
PS: did I mention how much I love the show?
Yours
A Simpering Fuckwit
August 27, 2008 at 1:52 pm
had too much of the afternoon play. Will listen to the belle and sebastian albums Ive just downloaded.
August 27, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Someone has to.
August 27, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I do plan to listen to stephen frys new series on language though. Will stick that on just now.
August 27, 2008 at 1:55 pm
its a legal requirement here in scotland george, now were de-evolved.
August 27, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Charlie: That’s understandable, just like down here with Oasis.
August 27, 2008 at 1:59 pm
I can’t stand Belle and the Sebastienne
August 27, 2008 at 2:01 pm
I think they’re a bunch of bellends.
August 27, 2008 at 2:05 pm
What a jolly dull old place it’d be oif we all agreed chaps, thats what I say. feel free to shit on all their records. I quite like them. this might be something to do with my girlfriend. but i cant possibly comment further.
August 27, 2008 at 2:09 pm
I don’t like them either CM, sorry
That twit in the hat = Twat
August 27, 2008 at 2:09 pm
(I do like your girlfriend though)
August 27, 2008 at 2:11 pm
‘twit in the hat’ ?
Who hell?
August 27, 2008 at 2:11 pm
dont apologies. I used to hate them too.
Unfortunately, my girlfriend had their CD’s on loop when I was over at hers shagging years ago and they got in my head like a virus. Ive no idea whether I now like them because theyre quite good or its just a disease.
August 27, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I like Belle and Sebastian’s work with The Reindeer Section, but that’s about it.
I also quite like Oliver and Ramsay. Oliver seems a bit calmer these days, and Jamie at Home is quite enjoyable. I’m not very suited to this article, am I….oops.
August 27, 2008 at 2:15 pm
You might like my girlfriend Pq. but Im not sure youd be able to perform with belle and sebastian playing in the background.
August 27, 2008 at 2:17 pm
I don’t mind Oliver so much, i have to admit, Wenchy.
I JUST WANTED TO SEEM COOLS
August 27, 2008 at 2:20 pm
My grandmother used to get angry if we didn’t use the grape scissors and the butter knife.
August 27, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Grape scissors?!
August 27, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Wenchy beat me to that burst of exasperation.
August 27, 2008 at 2:26 pm
My parents cut bread with a meat cleaver.
August 27, 2008 at 2:29 pm
grape scissors?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
August 27, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I like the way the question marks move out of the boundary of the comments there, very nice.
August 27, 2008 at 2:41 pm
thanks. it took a lot of work on my part …. and wasnt at all just an accident…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
see?
* stands back to admire his work*
August 27, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Yes, special scissors just for grapes.
She’s dead now.
Drowned when she slipped stepping onto her yacht.
Fact.
August 27, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I have to say ‘like dylan in the movies’ is a great track. even if it does remind me of a particularly enjoyable shagging session, im failry sure thats not the only reason I like it.
August 27, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I believe one of the Romanov’s suffered the same fate. they had grape scissors and look what happened to them.
August 27, 2008 at 2:48 pm
and I defy anyone not to tap their foot along joyously to ‘im a cuckoo’ – even when its not accompanied by a cute irish girl giving you a blowjob.
August 27, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Why do grapes need scissors though? I’m genuinely interested here, honest!
Oh, and my Nan has a pickled onion fork. She makes lots of the bad boys – and fuck me, strong enough to put hairs on your chest and no mistake.
August 27, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Can we not talk about grapes? I ate far too many on Monday and had to crawl home yesterday from work with an agonising tummy. Still paying for it now if you know what I mean…
August 27, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Oh, and *dons snob hat* surely the fact that one eats pickled onions automatically means they can’t be a snob.
August 27, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Im assuming theyre used to cut the stalks between the grapes wenchy. but im no grape-related expert and only studying them on a part-time basis.
August 27, 2008 at 2:56 pm
God, you’re even posher than I thought, our JQW.
Did your grandmother have solid silver monogrammed cocktail sticks?
August 27, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Did she have two porcelain spaniels either side of the fireplace?
Posh people have them.
August 27, 2008 at 2:58 pm
That’s what you use ’em for. They’re utterly pointless, because you still then have to pull the grape off the stalk. Imagine the fear of being 4, sitting in a Knightsbridge basement, being watched and inspected and scolded by your alcoholic grandmother and adulterous grandfather when all you wanted to do was eat a grape.
That’s why I’m now a rapist.
August 27, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Jesus, she actually did have all of those things. And we’ve photos of me grandparents hanging out with Imelda Marcos.
August 27, 2008 at 2:59 pm
As good an excuse as any, JQW. I’m one of them because I stubbed my toe quite badly this morning.
August 27, 2008 at 3:02 pm
for me – its listening to all those belle and sebastian albums, m’lud.
case dismissed.
Blast! talk of posh cutlery lured the ladies in. Talk of rape sent them fleeing. who would’ve thought it?
August 27, 2008 at 3:04 pm
If one is well healed enough to own a separate implement to disengage the grapes from their stalks, surely one can afford to pay some bugger to peel the wretched things for you, what.
Sorry Badger, I’ll shut up with the grapes now.
August 27, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Not any more. My grandad lost it all on being terrible with money, underwriting Lloyd’s, a gold-digging marriage aged 76 when he’d lost his marbles where he came out with 10% of his former cash. So I’m the hip chic no-money-inheritance-but-titles-to-come type. A wanker, as they’re known.
You wouldn’t know me from Adam.
August 27, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Do grapes really do that then? I thought that was just a myth to make me use grape scissors and not gobble down loads at once.
August 27, 2008 at 3:14 pm
john Q, I feel a website, or at the very least a blog posting on this subject as were all geniunely interested in your grandmother and her grapes.
If not that, then surely she should at least get her own Viz column.
August 27, 2008 at 3:16 pm
I remember going to see the nice lady next door, for she was old but very nice, so Mum and moi would go to keep her company sometimes. She’s amazingly rich – beyond wildest dreams rich. Anyway, she gave me a brew and a fairy cake. She then gave me a knife, with the cake. I was about 11 at this point – what the fuck is she giving me a knife for, it’s a tiny cake? I ended up cutting it into pieces out of fear more than anything else. Now that’s posh.
August 27, 2008 at 3:17 pm
No knife-edged gateau foks and bone china? Shocking, Wenchy. She’ll make a stir at Court.
August 27, 2008 at 3:19 pm
You cant compete with lord wagonwheel here Wenchy.
Even I’ve used a cake knife is – and im scottish for heavens sake.
August 27, 2008 at 3:27 pm
But for a fairy cake?!
I’m not posh at all, but the other bird definitely was. Although when the builders were at my parentals, they did see her run out of the house completely starkers when her hubby had popped his hip….
August 27, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Running out naked into the street when your husband pops his hip during intercourse is a sure sign of breeding Wenchy.
In fact, I believe it automatically allows one entry to Debrettes Peerage, but Lord wagonwheeel may be able to comfirm this.
August 27, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Yes, heed your loyal subjects JQW – we need a full inventory of Grandmama’s crockery, cruets and cutlery for starters, then we’ll travel through the ballroom to find the good stuff – priceless ancient tapestries and gun cabinets.
*curtseys*
August 27, 2008 at 3:41 pm
your curtsey wasnt nearly low enough Who. They hate that.
Youre on some sort of posh bildeberg group list now. thats your career over.
August 27, 2008 at 4:06 pm
My grandad was pissed off that my dad got a longer Debrett’s entry. Before he had a stroke and started thinking he was the Emperor of Japan. No joke.
August 27, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I think this information should all be saved for poshgrannysgrapes.com.
Ive just checked sir and amazingly the domain name is still available.
*curtseys*
August 27, 2008 at 8:12 pm
SH- you’ll do yourself a mischief, you prolific bastard.