Stand Up To Cancer

by

I’ve always been a bit unsure about cancer, a bit ambivalent. I wasn’t too sure where to stand – did I want it curing or was I happy for it to keep going along as it has for all these years? I didn’t know all the facts, wasn’t sure of all the information – how could I be sure that my decision was the right one?

There’ve been loads of conflicting reports about cancer in the media recently and I found that many of my friends had totally opposing views on the subject, I felt lost and unsure about what to think. Then I saw this advert and, let me tell you, it changed my mind in a flash. Loads of celebrities, standing up in a poignant way? That gets my vote anyday.

First off, these aren’t rubbish celebrities – these are movie stars; big, important movie stars whose medical opinions I value highly. When I saw that both Morgan Freeman and Keanu Reeves opposed cancer my first thought was ‘wow, that’s left me in no doubt about the badness of cancer’ (actually my first thought was ‘oh awesome, they’ve made Chain Reaction 2’ but my second thought was totally about cancer).

The way these people stand up – symbolically and literally – to demonstrate that they don’t like cancer, well… it moved me to tears.

It also moved me to act; I am no longer an uninformed cancer-debater. Now I am an opposor of cancer who will be watching the E! Entertainment Celebrity Anti-Cancer Special. Who says TV doesn’t reach out and touch people anymore?

I thought about living a slightly healthier life, or maybe cutting down my vices and making a donation to a cancer support charity – but then I decided against it. Did Elijah Wood tell me to make a donation or do something practical with my time? No, he told me to take a symbolic and utterly useless stand against a disease which is one of the worlds biggest killers.

And stand against it I do. Thank you, celebrities, thank you for showing me the way and bringing your vital and previously unheard opinions about cancer to my attention. Standing up to this desease will no doubt save millions of lives and raise hundreds of billions of dollars for research.

Keanu, Morgan, Elijah, Tilda, Christina… you’re all angels of life. May your saintliness be heard the world over and may your actions heal the planet. God bless.

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , ,

248 Responses to “Stand Up To Cancer”

  1. The Tombstone Says:

    But it got you talking about cancer, which was the whole point. The more people talk about cancer, the more people get involved in their own schemes, fundraisers etc to help the fight against it. We have frequent casual days at work to raise funds for cancer research, we would be doing this whether Britney Spears told us that cancer was bad or not but there are some people who won’t do anything unless it’s celebrity endorsed. If this is what it takes to get people to be aware and to start raising some money then I’m all for it.

  2. Clarry Says:

    As it affects about 1 in 3 people, I don’t really think it needs it’s profile raising, do you?

  3. Napoleon Says:

    It’s very subtle, but if you re-read this a couple of times, you’ll begin to detect a slight hint of sarcasm in this piece.

  4. Dave Says:

    I’ve known people with cancer (I suspect I’m not the only one) and, let me tell you, they certainly don’t like to stand up if they needn’t. They also got it because they were bastard unlucky – nothing to do with their lifestyle. So what’s the point?

  5. ugeine Says:

    I think you’re been too hard on these celebrities. Remember that this whole ordeal (not cancer, going to award shows to promote cancer) involves them having to drink various cocktails, wear suits with the the kind of prices that could buy six hospital wards and read from auto-cues, sometimes for up to three or four hours.

  6. Swineshead Says:

    Sarcasm, Napoleon?

    Aha! Now I get it!

    Tombstone – remember that think / type thing I told you about.

  7. Napoleon Says:

    The people I’ve known who had cancer got it mainly through their lifestyle. One old buffer I knew called Frank once celebrated New Year’s Eve locked in a store cupboard drinking paint, and another chap I knew came down with lung cancer after smoking 60 roll-ups a day for 40 years. I don’t think you can fully dismiss lifestyle, Dave.

    (First particle’s been fired – Earth has only a few hours left.)

  8. Clarry Says:

    NC – I was talking about Tombstone’s response not the review. Maybe he was being sarcastic too, I don’t know…

  9. Dave Says:

    Sod off, NC, with your reason and logic. Starting early are we? And it could take years for the blackhole to sprout – read The Metro, you anti-intellectual nonce!

  10. ugeine Says:

    Does anybody actually understand what a black hole is? I’m a bit confused, I tried reading the article on wikipedia and my head near exploded.

  11. Swineshead Says:

    I think we were all talking about Tombstone’s response….

    It’s a dumb clip that, as Quincy says. Far too right wing, also.

    At least Bono’s not in it. Or Chris Martin with some felt tip on his stupid flapping hands.

  12. Swineshead Says:

    Black hole (n):

    Big black hole that things fall in in space.

  13. wally bazoom Says:

    What was the point of this article?

  14. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – The Metro, y’say? Hang on …

    *puts down New Scientist*
    *picks up The Metro*

    “The underground thing wot they’s firing particles around in is OK. It won’t kill all the planet, like, cos a science man done sez it won’t.”

    Aha! Thanks for that, Dave.

  15. ugeine Says:

    Those crazy boffins in the metro and their far out scientific mumbo jumbo, makes me sick.

  16. Dave Says:

    Do you still get a free lolli with ‘New Scientist’?

  17. Clarry Says:

    Sorry bit of a touchy subject.

  18. Quincy Phd Says:

    I actually feel a little bad about this article now as it turns out the event was some massive fundraising telethon than brought $100m into the cancer-curing fold, something which can only be a good thing. I was just writing about the advert and how cancer probably didn’t need any more awareness… which is a bit silly, really.

    Of course when particle two is fired up we’ll all get cancer so I guess we’ll need the money more.

  19. Clarry Says:

    “I was just writing about the advert and how cancer probably didn’t need any more awareness… which is a bit silly, really.”

    I realise that, and I totally agree.

  20. Swineshead Says:

    I can get rid of the article if you want Quincy – I didn’t realise either.

  21. Clarry Says:

    No, there’s nothing wrong with the article – I was irritated with Tombstone’s comment, which I don’t think was being sarcastic .

  22. Quincy Phd Says:

    Also the fact it was on E! Entertainment kind of irked me – not that they have no right to do charity events, it’s just that their stuff is so dripping in insincerity and crass styles that they tend to trivialise the whole subject matter.

    $100m raised so who am I to complain, I just wish, generally, that we didn’t have to entice people with fame and material goods to encourage charitable behaviour.

  23. Swineshead Says:

    I think that point still stands… it irks me that celebs get their profile raised from this kind of charity involvement via association. They MUST be good people!

    I think there’s room for that kind of cynicism.

    A great example was Dragons’ Den on Children in Need which was sickening.

  24. Quincy Phd Says:

    Nah, leave the article up. I stand by my words, the overall point is that it’s a sad day when E! Entertainment can raise more money in 2 hours with a few celebrity cameos than most conventional fundraising. Sad, but necessary.

  25. Napoleon Says:

    Why can’t they just give their own fucking money away for once? Why’s it always us wot has to stump up the moolah? If this thing was full of film stars and rock stars, they could have raised three times the money simply by writing cheques.

    Put your hands in your own bloody pockets next time, you celebrity shithouses!

  26. Dave Says:

    I’ve reread Tombstone’s comment – what was objectionable?

  27. Clarry Says:

    As I type, one of my colleagues who’s a physicist, is in his element out there explaining black holes, big bang theory and quantum physics etc. I bet geeks across the globe are loving this large hadron collider malarky…

  28. Swineshead Says:

    what was objectionable?

    I can’t remember. The fact Tombstone wrote it?

    Sorry – I’m still smarting from his Jodie / Jordan comment a week ago.

  29. Swineshead Says:

    Just reading up on this big bang stuff – what happens if little cavemen start popping out of the tunnel?

  30. Clarry Says:

    Look – let’s get this straight. Neither the article or Tombstone’s comment was offensive. When I read Tombstone’s comment, I didn’t detect much sarcasm – that’s all!

  31. Napoleon Says:

    An advert for one of those brain-dead women’s gossip magazines has just been on the telly. Apparently, it’s got an exclusive on Jordan’s sex life! Wow! Who knows what secrets a married woman will reveal about what she gets up to under the covers with her husband? Blow jobs? Up the arse? Pussy love (eh, Dave?)? The possibilities are endless*!

    FLAFF!

    *not endless

  32. Napoleon Says:

    Will we go back in time if this experiment goes tits-up? It sounds intriguing in principle, but in reality we’d all end up with scrofula and have to rely on the touch of Henry VIII for a cure. And he was a right arsehole.

  33. Dave Says:

    It’d be an equestrian erotic adventure, you fucking moron of a commentator.

    SH- The Mist?

  34. wally bazoom Says:

    Why is raising awareness of cancer a problem though? I can’t understand this. I feel like I’ve just come in from the garden.

  35. Swineshead Says:

    Nothing wrong with raising awareness, but as Quincy said, it’s sad that we have to use PR hungry celebs to do it.

    Dave – The Mist? Are we going to have that scenario to deal with by tomorrow?

    FUCK.

    *runs to 24 hour garage*

  36. ugeine Says:

    I think (using my extremely vast knowledge on metaphysical science (or wikipedia)) that if an object were to enter a black hole, they would split into strands, I don’t know why, and that time would have a different perception in the black hole to out of it. And I can’t be arsed to read the rest.

  37. Swineshead Says:

    Black holes do bend time, apparently. Which might be handy.

    *jumps into black hole*

    *divides into threads*

  38. Napoleon Says:

    The Mist’s that one about the supermarket and all them horrible things outside, isn’t it? If it is, that’s far worse than my going back in time scenario. I was thinking we’d have to dodge Medieval folk slinging shit out of windows, not giant monsters ripping you in half if you leave ASDA’s.

  39. Swineshead Says:

    Watch this and see what you think…

    These massively wealthy entrepreneurs are being sweet to children!
    Dig deep, even though your pockets are far emptier than theirs!

    Also bear in mind that you have no control or knowledge of how the funds will be spent as the accounts aren’t transparent.

    Please be aware that the marketing tactics of the charity and working processes may go against your personal ethics.

    GIVE GENEROUSLY.

  40. Dave Says:

    And the real monster’s yourself! Kneeling by your 4×4 dead daughter in arms. The real monster is YOU!

  41. Napoleon Says:

    I’m not giving any fucker any money. I’m spending my cash on shotguns, corrugated iron, chickenwire, a leather body warmer with giant shoulder pads, and a mohican haircut.

    Then I’m going to start commandeering oil.

  42. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon – “ASDA’s”… you make it sound like you go round ASDA’s house. I like it, very northern.

    It’ll be like a cross between The Mist, Dawn of the Dead and The Spaceman & King Arthur.

  43. wally bazoom Says:

    Well you know I did offer to help out, and they said ‘if Keanu drops out, we’ll let you know’. But I think they were just being nice, you know? When I thought about it, I realised I just wasn’t that well known as Keanu and the others. He’s been in loads of films and stuff and I really haven’t been in any. So I called them back and said, ‘chaps, you’re better off doing it without me.’ And they were really cool about the whole thing.

  44. Swineshead Says:

    I’m currently boarding everyone in the office and working out how to turn off the electricity supply

    (I’m the only one with a gun)

  45. Napoleon Says:

    Should I poison the missus?

  46. Swineshead Says:

    The implication of the ad is that we should do what these fine and noble celebs do, Wally. It inevitably promotes the celebrity while carry out the actual function of raising awareness. And that’s a bit sad – says a lot about human nature.

    (Quincy’s already said this)

  47. The Tombstone Says:

    Oh Tombstone wrote it so he must just be being a bit of a twat.

    I realised the article was written in a sarcastic tone and I realise it was written for the purposes of humour, but I also felt the need to defend these types of programmes because they raise awareness of cancer. I know that 1 in 3 people have will get some kind of cancer in their lives and because of this everyone knows about cancer but I also know that there are a lot of apathetic people who will only actually get off their arse and do something about it when one of Take That tell them to.

    And can we let that fucking Jodie Marsh/Jordan thing go now, it was 2 weeks ago and I have sinced learned that some things aren’t acceptable, and if I cross the line you can moderate me, yeah. I’m sorry but this blog is the first time I’ve ever said things in a public forum and I usually speak my mind with my friends and they know to take me with a pinch of salt.

    This is me thinking before I type, I think I’m doing quite well.

  48. ugeine Says:

    Wally: You did the right thing. Why would people be convinced by you to give to cancer? What were you going to do, explain why cancer is bad and people should donate? Why would they listen to you? Have you ever been in Bill and Ted?

  49. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon – no, get her to breed like crazy with the strongest and most intelligent locals. We’re going to need bright underlings.

    I’m already banging that woman out of Dictionary Corner like there’s no tomorrow and have sprayed a stallion’s face with my sperms to try and create some kind of human/horse hybrid. A ‘huhorse’, ‘horman’ or hu-mane’ if you will.

  50. Swineshead Says:

    Fair enough Tombstone, soz.

  51. ugeine Says:

    I like Horman.

  52. Napoleon Says:

    Can anyone lend me a talking dog like the one in that Don Johnson film? I’d feel much better facing a future full of zombies, aliens, black holes and Henry VIII if I had a talking dog.

  53. Dave Says:

    Keanu Reeves, eh? A tumour raising awareness about tumours? A firboid’d be more convincing as a lead.

  54. Swineshead Says:

    Just spray a dog with some jism, I can’t for the life of me see why that wouldn’t work.

  55. Wenchy Says:

    There are some celebs who just quietly give their money to charity, which is slightly less sickening, and makes it seem less like they do it just so everyone can label them A Good Person. Jolie is the worst for this – woman can’t utter a sodding sentence without asking for help on something or other. I know what she’s doing isn’t reprehensible, but it’s the guilt I’m made to feel for not doing enough that grates.

    My Grandad died of cancer, so it’s certainly not like I’m immune to what it is, what it can do. I suppose sometimes it would just be nice to think we could do things off our own backs, without somebody famous telling us to. But hey, it all has a good outcome in the end, really.

    This is really not a good day to be talking about stuff like this, I’m in a foul mood (I blame the end of the world).

  56. wally bazoom Says:

    Swinesheeed – You assume that the major benefits fall to the profile of the celebrity rather than to the profile of the chairty. It also assumes that if you are in the public eye, it is not possible to do something noble and selfless, to use that profile for the powers of good. Damned if they do, damned if they don’t, essentially.

  57. ugeine Says:

    The talking dog needs to be voiced by Eddie Murphy.

  58. Dave Says:

    Ugiene – You got that the wrong way round, surely?

  59. Wenchy Says:

    Wally – hmm. I see the point you’re making, but it’s one of those things that still leaves a slightly bitter taste. There are plenty of famous – or just plain ole’ rich people – that give money to charity, but they don’t seem too fussed about their own profile while doing it.

    I don’t know, it’s such a contentious issue. I know, fundamentally, what they’re doing is good, but I can never shake the feeling that they think, “Happy days, little publicity for meeeee…” – and I just don’t like it.

  60. ugeine Says:

    I think the issues is more with the people that need a celeberity to convince them to donate to a good cause.

    Dave: Eh? Eddie Murphy needs to be voiced by a dog? Are you up to your old tricks again?

  61. wally bazoom Says:

    Wenchy – sorry if this sounds a bit, you know, haughty, but if you don’t like it, stop thinking it. It’s your assumption, based on no evidence. You may as well err on the side of positivity, benefit of the doubt and all that. Win win. Double bubble.

    Has anyone actually used ‘haughty’ in a sentence since the 1930s?

  62. daveselectricblanket Says:

    It’s the logical next step in his career. He’s voiced every possible thing he can so no it’s time for animals and household objects to voice him.

    What tricks?

  63. The Tombstone Says:

    Personally I don’t see the problem. Celebrity appears on some kind of charity appeal :-

    – Charity becomes more talked about and more people become aware of it.
    – More money is raised for said charity.
    – Celebrity is rewarded with more column inches, album/film sales.

    Everyone wins, nobody loses. Why does anyone have a problem with it.

  64. Wenchy Says:

    To be fair, no celebrity has ever made me give money to charity.

    Wally – thanks for that. Stop thinking it. What a genius idea, why didn’t I think of it before. Sorry – but that kind of advice is never going to hold any weight, is it?

  65. ugeine Says:

    ‘What tricks?’

    I don’t know. ignore me.

  66. Swineshead Says:

    Swinesheeed – You assume that the major benefits fall to the profile of the celebrity rather than to the profile of the chairty. It also assumes that if you are in the public eye, it is not possible to do something noble and selfless, to use that profile for the powers of good. Damned if they do, damned if they don’t, essentially.

    I also see your point and it does seem over-cynical of me to be saying this when the campaign has just done something very good for the cause. Especially, as Tombstone points out, that it’s been proven that the celeb endorsement shakes some people into action.

    Though I didn’t write the article and am certainly not dissing Keanu or Morgan for taking part, Quincy made me reflect on the likes of Simon Cowell or, to a greater extent, Bono and Geldof. The latter has made a career out of this stuff and benefited hugely from the process using it as a platform to start his own production companies. The charity work in itself isn’t in any way reprehensible, it’s the material gain that offshoots from it.

    Wishing things weren’t that way is as stupidly realistic as wishing charities didn’t have to be run as businesses, I realise that – but the point I took from Quincy’s post is that celebrity involvement has its own pratfalls – which include Bono’s hypocrisy (flying that fucking hat round the world for one, and being a greedy tax exile) and Geldof’s undeserved riches.

    This probably wasn’t the place to make those points as Quincy pointed out, but the discussion has moved on from the post.

  67. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t want a dog with Eddie Murphy’s voice as Eddie Murphy’s voice is annoying. I want a talking dog with a voice like the original dog in the film starring Don Johnson. Unless my memory’s playing me false, the dog had the same voice as the car in Knight Rider.

    Or at it had a similar voice, anyway (I haven’t seen the film in twenty years).

  68. wally bazoom Says:

    Swanshead – Look, the thing that everyone forgets about Bono is that he only wore that hat for the Joshua Tree – Rattle and Hum late 80s period.

    All I’m saying is you join the dots yourself, you create a cause and effect from events to suit your own view. But when will you give peace a chance? Julian Lennon is still crying salty tears about that old hole in the sky.

    And now that song is in your head, on a loop.

    Wenchy – It does makes sense though. The love wants to come in. Let love in. Let it in.

  69. Clarry Says:

    – Charity becomes more talked about and more people become aware of it.
    – More money is raised for said charity.
    – Celebrity is rewarded with more column inches, album/film sales FOR STATING THE FUCKING OBVIOUS!

    Having had fucking cancer shoved down my throat everyday for the last 4 and a half years, I don’t want to switch on the telly and be told by Morgan and the gang that I should be doing something to help when I do already, as do many others. Also tell that to the poor bastards who’ve got cancer and don’t benefit from the fundraising, the research, the new drugs etc because of their postcode.

  70. Swineshead Says:

    Wally’s just being silly now, which personally I’m all in favour of.

  71. Napoleon Says:

    If my options were death or moving house, Clarry, I’d choose the latter.

  72. Clarry Says:

    NC – Fairly certain that moving house is the last thing a person with cancer needs

  73. Napoleon Says:

    And death is? Rather weird, but I’ll go along with it …

  74. piqued Says:

    We love to fear cancer, there are hundreds of charities into which we can pour our coiffures, whilst some are commendable I’m sorry to say when it comes to this sector of charitable giving I’m very cynical. Cancer charities generate vast amounts of money, billions, all of it tax deductible and at times dubiously invested, for example, Marie Curie was caught investing a lot of its fortunes in British American Tobacco…

    It’s been suggested that it’s more profitable and indeed logical to not find a cancer cure, planets crowded enough at it is, cancer doesn’t acknowledge wealth, health, creed or colour, it’s natural selection and in that respect ethical.

    Whilst I think this is balls I wouldn’t be surprised if information about treatment and cures disappeared…

  75. Swineshead Says:

    Napoleon – bit callous. Let’s be nice.

  76. Napoleon Says:

    Up yours!

  77. Swineshead Says:

    The end of the world’s not arrived yet I notice.

  78. Swineshead Says:

    Up my what? Up my bum-bum?

    You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Eh?

    STAY AWAY FROM ME.

  79. Dave Says:

    Some people can’t afford to move. Did you think about that? Dying, on the other hand, is quite a cheap affair.

  80. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t think they’ve whacked one particle into another yet. Is there anything weird outside down your way?

  81. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – You could go and live in a caravan park or a bedsit. There are always options.

  82. Dave Says:

    What if you have a pet cat? Or goldfish?

  83. Napoleon Says:

    Flush them down the loo?

  84. Dave Says:

    ‘cancer doesn’t acknowledge wealth, health, creed or colour, it’s natural selection and in that respect ethical.’

    Let’s kill car crash victims too!Why bother with life support machines at all, actually? It’s ethical to let unfortunates rot for being rubbish.

    Hear hear.

  85. Napoleon Says:

    Being in a car crash isn’t natural though, is it?

  86. wally bazoom Says:

    Well I wasn’t going to use the word cynicism, but someone else did, so it’s ok.

    I think people often use their own cynicism, which we’ve all agreed with what I said about it being a set of constructs based on internal prejudice, as an excuse for inaction. I don’t pretend to know anything about the use of charity money, and while I should be clued up, you can’t then assume the whole thing is rotten. It’s no good to bring up the postcode thing as though that by itself refutes the whole notion of charity.

    I think it’s enormously sad that Bob Geldof dangling African babies in our faces has turned us into a nation of cynics. But, if you could turn the clock back, what would be a viable alternative? Remove celebrity endorsements from the world and you’re left with a dozen civil servants in pyjamas eating jam tarts, and groaning. This I have observed. And it benefits nobody.

  87. piqued Says:

    I see Dave has been eating lead again, surely the point I made wasn’t that hard to get was it?

  88. Dave Says:

    Of course it is. As natural as smoking cigarettes. We are nature and the car is a product of we. Fuzzy logic from you, Perry.

  89. Napoleon Says:

    I can’t be doing with them buggers that harrang you in the streets and ask you to sign up for charity direct debit donations. They’re always so bloody cheerful, the lousy bastards. Now they’ve taken to turning up at your house when you’re just about to take the kievs out of the oven, the bastards. Can’t these carpetbaggers get stuck in the stocks?

  90. Napoleon Says:

    Smoking fags isn’t natural either. Smoking tobacco leaves, yes, but not fags. They’s man-made.

  91. piqued Says:

    For fucks sake Dave, one chooses to smoke/get in a car etc., Cancer doesn’t choose. It’s random.

  92. Napoleon Says:

    Don’t make me get my balls out again, Dave …

  93. Dave Says:

    Car crashes are often very random. One doesn’t intend to mutilate one’s self in a car anymore than choose for their cells to mutate inside their little bodies. Both deserve equal care and attention.

    You’re idea is heartless and, actually, pretty fucking evil. Social prejudices don’t excuse not researching for cures, you tit.

  94. Napoleon Says:

    Car crashes weren’t random where I used to live in Lincolnshire. They went like this:

    Moron teenager fills up car with his moron mates.
    They all smoke dope.
    Moron teenager drives at 110 mph around country lanes.
    Moron crashes, killing everyone.

    There was bugger all random about it.

  95. piqued Says:

    Jesus, it’s like trying to converse with a primate

    What idea Dave? I didn’t propose any fucking ideas you cunt

  96. The Tombstone Says:

    Clarry, you’re a good person obviously, as are most people on here I’d imagine. As we get older the effects of cancer affect us and the ones we love more and more. And we were pretty caring people before that. However, I feel you fail to recognise that there are people out there who don’t give a fuck about cancer, no one they know has it, they flick off the cancer research adverts because they are sad etc. They give no money to charities and the first time they care about cancer is when they, or someone they know gets it.

    This person turns telly on “Oh look it’s that bloke from that film I like, what’s he doing?” Suddenly they are able to sit through a show about cancer and the message gets into their head. They sign up to do a fun run and people in their office sponser them.

    I don’t know why you’ve had it shoved down your throat for the last 4 and a half years, whether you have experienced it yourself or a realtive or friend is going through it, either way I’m sorry and I hope everything works out. My mum had a breast cancer scare and my girlfriend died of a brain tumour so I’ve been through the worry, the grief etc. This just makes me more keen for the word to get out and for people to do more to help, and if it takes Brian from Big Brother to get them to do it then I’m all for it.

    As for the postcode lottery, that’s a whole other can of worms I’m not touching.

  97. Joanne Says:

    The point about natural selection was logical, yes. But I don’t believe that people, by nature, are terribly logical. If your mum was dying of cancer I doubt you’d think “Oh well, survival of the fittest and all that!”

  98. charliemingles Says:

    has anyone mentioned the harry hill joke yet?

    ‘I went into one of those Cancer Research shops. No wonder they havent found a cure for cancer. its just a lot of old women selling second-hand clothes.’

  99. Dave Says:

    It’s quite fucking obvious you’d want to watch cancer sufferers die. I may be an ape but you’re a devil man.

  100. The Tombstone Says:

    Nope you’re the first Mingles, thanks though I’d forgotten about that one. Mr Hill is a legend.

  101. Swineshead Says:

    One of my best mates works as a charity mugger (a term he uses himself)

    I say ‘works as’, he’s actually just been fired by the third charity he’s worked for as a result of retaliating to members of the public who’ve told him to ‘fuck off’.

    I’m on his side, they’re only trying to make an honest crust.

    Wally B – take the attitude you’re promoting to its extreme and you don’t exercise your cynicism at all. Cynicism is healthy and helps you to make decisions. Who wants to be haplessly making decisions based on celebrity endorsements? I’d rather exercise my cynical muscles alongside my discretion and my common sense.

  102. Napoleon Says:

    Tombstone – Hercules is a legend. Harry Hill’s a small bald comedian.

  103. piqued Says:

    I presume, Dave you read my original comment again. But this time concentrating on what was written rather than picking fleas out of your foreskin.

  104. Swineshead Says:

    Car crashes weren’t random where I used to live in Lincolnshire. They went like this:

    Moron teenager fills up car with his moron mates.
    They all smoke dope.
    Moron teenager drives at 110 mph around country lanes.
    Moron crashes, killing everyone.

    There was bugger all random about it.

    That sounds eerily familiar

    *checks bone of broken nose*

    Now – I believe Piqued is only proposing a theory or two. It’s clearly not his own, defined belief, it’s just an angle to look at the subject from. As it’s a sensitive issue it’s understandable people might be affronted, but do bear in mind nobody’s having a go at anyone here.

  105. The Tombstone Says:

    I don’t like the fact that you can’t just give money to charity anymore, it has to be direct debit. I told this bloke that I didn’t have a job and I was unable to have a fixed amount go out of my account each month and could I just give him some money and he said he couldn’t. I know it’s to stop people pretending to be charity people and taking money but there must be some other way.

  106. Napoleon Says:

    They’re no better than double glazing salesmen, Swineshead. Stick ’em in the stocks and pelt ’em with rotten vegetables, I say. See how they like two black eyes and a broken nose, the arseholes.

    THAT WAY I COULD EAT MY FUCKING KIEVS IN PEACE.

    (Also can’t be doing with Mormons – The Hitler Youth, coming to my house with their teeth, bastards.)

  107. The Tombstone Says:

    Harry Hill is a HILARIOUS small bald comedian. And I use legend in the yoof sense not in the mythical sense, you fuddly old git.

  108. Swineshead Says:

    ‘Chuggers’ are generally skint students or skint ex-students trying to make money – it’s not a career the way sales is.

    No comparison.

    NEXT.

  109. Napoleon Says:

    Tombstone – You use it in its incorrect sense. By all means hijack the language and turn it into a shallow, moronic mockery of what it once was when the fuddly old gits of the world have gone to their graves, yeah? Until then, you’ll just have to put up with criticism from the old timers when you use words such as ‘awesome’, ‘legend’ and ‘amazing’ incorrectly.

    I also despise the way your mob are always shouting out ‘OH MY GOD!’ at absolutely nothing at all. You fucking ignorant pigs.

  110. wally bazoom Says:

    Swineshead – discretion yes, but cynicism never. It assumes knowledge and understanding, pre-judging experience before the experience. It’s like carrying around a heavy rock to hide under. It’s the poison.

    Personally, I’m trying to regain the open mouthed wonder of childood, to restore the balance.

  111. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – WRONG. Double-glazing sales is the refuge of the idiot who has no idea what he wants to do with his life. I should know, as I did it m’self for six appalling months. ‘Career’, my arse.

    NEXT!

  112. Dave Says:

    I’m in a dark place.

  113. Napoleon Says:

    Shit! A dark place created by some damnfool machine buried underneath France, Dave?

    THIS IS IT!

  114. Swineshead Says:

    Swineshead – thinking about it, I work around salesfolk and you’re right. I can’t fight.

    Wally – again, I take your point on my enormous nose, but cynicism is more fun than discretion – let us have our fun.

  115. The Tombstone Says:

    Nap, so we’re in agreement I’ll keep using words in their modern (not, in my opinion, incorrectly) sense, you can call me up on it and I’ll call you a fuddly old git.

    Now one thing I’m sure we can agree on is the McDonalds Chicken Legend. As a new sandwich how can it be called a legend without it having chance to become legendary, if it had been around for years and people really enjoy it they yeah, it’s a legend (in fast food terms at least). But to call a new sandwich a legend is just unfounded arrogance. It’s like when bands do a greatest hits album and then put a new song on it. If the new song flops then it’s a greatest hits and that one song that entered the chart at 32 album.

    I mean Oh My God WTF is up with that yo!

  116. Dave Says:

    They also call it chicken.

  117. Swineshead Says:

    *is glad nobody noticed I addressed a point to myself above by mistake*

  118. piqued Says:

    I noticed, but you didn’t notice that I did use the word ‘shredded’ in todays gitterings btw

    *wins*

  119. Swineshead Says:

    *is clearly losing it*

  120. Napoleon Says:

    Tombstone – I’m not in agreement with you, you imbecile. Using words and phrases incorrectly because you’re too stupid and too lazy to learn how to talk properly can’t just be excused as ‘modern’, because there’s nothing modern about it. It’s a fad way of talking, and you won’t be doing it in ten year’s time, guaranteed. We all talked like fucking idiots when we were your age (making your ‘modern’ claim bunkum) – it didn’t change the language one bit, and we don’t do it now.

    “SKILL!”

    See?

    You’ll learn.

  121. Napoleon Says:

    I noticed you’d addressed that to yourself. Is it that confounded machine?

  122. The Tombstone Says:

    I was just saying you’d agree with my Chicken Legend rant, not the thing we clearly disagree with. Maybe I just watched too much American telly as a kid and too much Two Pints nowadays but when someone is really good at something I call them a legend, when something is very good and pleases me I call it awesome. And if you spoke how I did at my age why are you calling me up on it? Why not let me be until I grow to be wise and old like yourself?

    Like OMG STFU already lolz.

  123. The Tombstone Says:

    Anyway I’m off for lunch, I fancy a Chicken Legend now actually. I expect abuse for when I get back. I’m looking at you Nap.

  124. Napoleon Says:

    Because, Tombstone, that’s what old farts do. When you’re an old git, I’m prepared to put money on you being driven half mad by teenagers and people in their early twenties behaving like morons. It’s part of the cycle of life – grow up, become infuriated at the behaviour of the next generation. And you WILL go on sites like this and thunder at people younger than you.

  125. Swineshead Says:

    NC is correct, it’s not even like it happens gradually. It’s an overnight epiphany. Young people are arseholes, yet they don’t realise it till they’re no longer young – it’s God’s little trick.

  126. Clarry Says:

    T – Sorry to hear that. To be honest I wasn’t really arguing with you in the first place – it just grates a bit. Friends again?

  127. Napoleon Says:

    That is true, Swineshead. One day, I barely even noticed teenagers. The next I was a raging ball of fury as the only thing I seemed to see when I walked down the street was fucking kids with their mobile bloody phones, those monstrous haircuts they’ve got that make them look like they’re out of Scooby Doo, and their overblown shouts of ‘OH MY GOD!’ when there’s nothing to be bloody shouting ‘OH MY GOD!’ at, the bastards.

    Now I’m consumed with anger every time I leave the house.

  128. Swineshead Says:

    I’m sure when you reach the age of 62 you probably start thinking young adults and the middle aged are pig-ignorant, busy-bastard shitbags who take life too seriously.

  129. Napoleon Says:

    No doubt you do. I’ll be seventy and roaring at the insolence of fifty year olds. I used to laugh at my grandad when he bellowed at me about learning some bloody respect, getting my bloody hair cut, and needing a stint in the Army – now I’m in complete agreement with him. I should have learnt some bloody respect, I did need to get my bloody hair cut, and two year’s National Service would have wiped that smug, teenage smile off my face.

  130. piqued Says:

    I don’t think so SH, people that are 62 are like soooooooooooo square and like wear nappies and dribble

  131. piqued Says:

    You need to get your haircut now NC, you look like Bill Bailey

  132. Clarry Says:

    My worst teenage/young adult saying is ‘random’. Why does everything have to be random when you’re young?

  133. Clarry Says:

    P.S Piqued – answer my bloody question what I arksed you about your lists.

  134. Napoleon Says:

    People who are 62 are cunts, as it ‘appens. They thought they’d sorted the world out with all that smile on me brother, Flower Power, staying in bed for peace shit; and then abandoned all that and became arseholes who’ve spent the last thirty-odd years smugly hoarding all the money and living in £700,000 houses they bought for £400 in 1970. THE BASTARDS.

  135. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – I’ve already told you, I’m growing it to ruin some wedding photos. By God, I’ll be glad when I can rid m’self of this mane and get back to a proper, military-fashion short back and sides.

    And I don’t look like Bill Bailey, you withered old woman.

  136. Who Says:

    Going back to chuggers, they’re a menace in London. I used to dodge no less than six – count ’em – SIX – of the buggers on one road; all thrusting their clipboards and direct debit instructions in my face. By the time I got from one end of Tottenham Court Road to the other, the bank account spirit could have been drained. But being a miserable, uncharitable old hag I just changed my route.

  137. The Tombstone Says:

    I was having lunch in the canteen and someone described Michael Fish as a ‘legendary’ weatherman. I was just imagining the fury that Nap would have brought down upon him and it made me chuckle quite a lot.

  138. The Tombstone Says:

    And I’m already driven mad by people behaving like morons, although I have done since I was about 16, I stil act the same way now at 23 and I would expect that I’ll act the same way at 32. I just don’t class using words like awesome and legend as being moronic.

  139. Napoleon Says:

    Tombstone – Shit like that does make your generation chuckle a lot, as you have an under-developed sense of humour. This explains the popularity of tripe like Two Packets of Lager & a Packet of Crisps.

  140. Search the Web on Snap.com Says:

    And I already am driven mad by people behaving like mornons, I have done since I was 16. I act the same way now at 23 and reckon I will act the same at 32. I just don’t class using words like awesome and legend as being moronic.

  141. The Tombstone Says:

    And who the fuck changed my name to Search the Web on Snap.com. Is that black hole here already?

  142. The Tombstone Says:

    And morons not mornons, I’ve no gripe with mornons. And yes the thought of someone who apparently looks like Bill Bailey shouting at some guy I work with for calling Michael Fish a legend does make me laugh yes. As does that chavvy sitcom you speak of, legendary sitcom that it is. It’s awesome I tells ya.

  143. Napoleon Says:

    Who – Birching’s too bloody good for ’em.

  144. ugeine Says:

    ‘Shit like that does make your generation chuckle a lot, as you have an under-developed sense of humour. This explains the popularity of tripe like Two Packets of Lager & a Packet of Crisps.’

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t your generation bring us Love Thy Neighbour?

  145. piqued Says:

    Clarry, what the fuck are you on about re ‘lists’? I’m sure you asked me already in a perfectly reasonable and measured manner but I’ve forgotten.

    I fancy a nice bit of bread and dripping for my tea.

    Anyone seen my bed

    socks

  146. Napoleon Says:

    Tombstone – It’s moronic because you may come across something in your life that’s genuinely awesome. As you use that word on a daily basis to describe mundane detritus, you will have nothing in reserve when trying to describe this incredible thing you have just witnessed. That’s why the word exists, see? That’s why we have lots of words for different things, emotions, feelings, etc. – so we can call upon them at different times in our lives and use them to help us easily convey our thoughts to others. By describing every piece of rubbish you come across as ‘awesome’, you devalue the word, and make yourself sound like a moron with a very limited vocabulary.

  147. ugeine Says:

    Awsome argument, NP.

  148. Napoleon Says:

    Ugeine – That was the generation before us. My generation brought you shit like Keeping Up Appearences, The Upper Hand and Birds of a Feather.

  149. Clarry Says:

    P – On Facebook last week you asked me if you’d answered my last message. Well, no you hadn’t, and my question was what are the Friday Lists on your blog? Me no understandy. Are they lists of all pervy stuff what you’ve dun looked at on the internetz?

  150. piqued Says:

    Clarry, the friday list are the phrases people put into Goodle to find Piqued. Because I use potty language, refer to my family and mention chefs/cooking I’m now the no 1 site to find pictures of sisters sucking fathers wooden spoon

  151. Napoleon Says:

    Clarry – Piqued’s ‘Friday List’ is the staggeringly original concept of publishing a selection of dirty search terms from that week’s stats. We’ve all done it, and abandoned the idea pretty quickly (unlike Piqued, who hung onto the concept like a dog with a bone for nearly two fucking years).

  152. ugeine Says:

    NP: my apologies. I quite liked the first one and third one. In their own way, they put Northampton on the map and stopped us been simply the town with the worst bus station in the UK.

  153. Clarry Says:

    Ohhhh, I see.

  154. piqued Says:

    IS THERE A FUCKING ECHO IN HERE?????????

    I’ve got rid of it now, it got quite worrying with regard to people wishing to look at nippers, chilling in certain circumstances but it did produce a few beauties, I think my favourite was ‘why my poo this color’

  155. The Tombstone Says:

    Nap, you make a valid point and I laughed along with Eddie Izzard when he spoke of the overuse of the word awesome, such as an advert he saw for ‘awesome’ hot dogs. However I use it to describe anything that is above average, I doubt I’ll see anything truly awe inspiring in my life so why deny myself the pleasure of saying awesome a lot. I don’t mind making myself sound like a moron because I know that I’m not. People who feel like they need to say a large variety of words to show how clever they are are no better than me. I thought you hated Frasier, for someone who hates Frasier you seem a lot like Frasier to me.

  156. Napoleon Says:

    Ugeine – Northampton’s already on the map, I believe. Hang on …

    *checks map*

    Yep, there it is.

    Clarry – Two explanations for the price of one. And no doubt Piqued will make some pathetic point about his turning up first – despite both comments having the same time stamp.

  157. Napoleon Says:

    Aha, there we are.

  158. The Tombstone Says:

    And don’t listen to him Piqued, I love the Friday list. Long may it continue.

  159. Dave Says:

    I bet NC doesn’t like hip-hop speak. What can we conclude from that as a collective?

  160. The Tombstone Says:

    That he’s straight up trippin’ I’d imagine.

  161. Napoleon Says:

    “People who feel like they need to say a large variety of words to show how clever they are …”

    You’ve missed the point a bit there, Tombstone. People don’t feel like they need to use big words to show how clever they are – using big words usually happens naturally as a consequence of being clever.

    And I never said ‘using big words’, moron. I suggested you try out some more words.

  162. piqued Says:

    Jesus, cheap flight anyone?

  163. The Tombstone Says:

    At no point did I mention big words. I said a large variety of words. How’s the eyesight, old man?

  164. Who Says:

    I know we’ve done this to death, but we’re skipping a generation ie. before ‘us’ we have those responsible for Me and My Girl, Brush Strokes and Three Up Two Down.

    And if anyone else calls Keeping up Appearances ‘shit’, I will kick off in ‘ere.

  165. indy Says:

    i am serious as dancer when i say rhythm is a cancer

  166. Napoleon Says:

    Who – No, that was my generation too. And Keeping Up Appearances was SHIT.

    Tombstone – You’re quite right, you didn’t. My mistake. You’re still an idiot, mind.

  167. The Tombstone Says:

    Keeping Up Appearances was awesome, and they filmed the trampy bits in Coventry. Dunno if they filmed the posh bits here.

  168. Swineshead Says:

    I’m with Indy on that one.

    Techno, techno, techno, techno.

  169. Napoleon Says:

    Keeping Up Appearances was shit. It was written by Roy Clark, and he’s only ever written one decent sitcom in his life (Open All Hours) and even that was a bit shit.

  170. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Open All Hours > Keeping Up Appearances

  171. The Tombstone Says:

    But she was quite common, and had delusions of grandeur(spellcheck). A henpecked husband and a trampy family, complete with senile old dad. What part of that is shit?

  172. daveselectricblanket Says:

    To be honest, I found that show infuriating more than amusing. I wanted to beat that bossy bitch over the head with a pan until she couldn’t cluck anymore. Where’s the humour in being repeatedly annoyed in the same manner every week. *BANG* in the face. *Down*.

  173. ugeine Says:

    TS: The good bits were filmed in Northampton. I don’t know why either.

  174. The Tombstone Says:

    Because it was funny the way she annoyed everyone. And shouting “just don’t be friends with/leave the fucking bitch you idiots!” was half the fun, surely.

  175. The Tombstone Says:

    Probably because it’s close to Coventry and there are no good bits in Coventry. We mostly live in mud huts and talk to other houses with two plastic cups and a bit of string.

  176. ugeine Says:

    entrapment is one of the defining characteristics of sitcoms.

  177. The Tombstone Says:

    Tru ‘dat. As Napoleon would say.

  178. charliemingles Says:

    I found hyacinth bucket annoying as well. Its just whether you found her funny-annoying or just annoying.

    1 vote for: just annoying

    I think patricia routledge is a very good actress though and she made the very best of a weak script.

    In reality, that meek husband would eventually crack and beat her to death one day over the marmalade.

    He’d be found by the gas board 6 months later wearing her skin and boiling her de-fleshed skull on the hob.

    I pitched that storyline to them – never even got a reply. ignorant fuckers.

  179. Napoleon Says:

    I didn’t mind the dog that lived in the car.

  180. charliemingles Says:

    anyone remember ALF? I liked that. but Im a sucker for a cute little face. and I fancied the MILF who looked after him.

  181. The Tombstone Says:

    That would have been a good way to end the show Charlie. You write sitcoms and stuff though don’t you? How about a show where you reinact the endings of shows how you’d want them to go, such as Richard killing Hyacynth and Bill Cosby being brought in on molestation charges or something.

  182. ugeine Says:

    Gah. Hate the term ‘milf’. brings back bad memories of watching american pie.

  183. Napoleon Says:

    ALF was shit as well. The 80s was riddled with rubbish.

  184. The Tombstone Says:

    That dog was awesome, you knew he’d come and bark at her and as she gingerly walked by you were waiting for it and sometimes she thought she’d be okay and then “Bark bark bark!” and the look on her face was priceless as she leant on the hedge.

    Never got into ALF.

  185. daveselectricblanket Says:

    My penis looks like ALF

  186. The Tombstone Says:

    When was the golden age of comedy then Nap? 70s?

  187. ugeine Says:

    Music Hall. Ava banaana…

  188. piqued Says:

    I’d say the 90’s what with Day Today, Brass Eye, Partridge, Big Train, Fast Show etc.,

  189. Napoleon Says:

    I’d say the 90s and the 70s, probably.

  190. charliemingles Says:

    I cant remember whether there were any good jokes in ALF. Im just a sucker for cute puppet.

    Basil brush had the same effect, even though I knew it was a deformed man under a desk – probably bringing off mister roy with the other hand.

    Tombstone, I wrote one sitcom for Radio 4 for which I refused the meagre pittance Radio 7 were offering for repeat fees ad infinitum, as I didnt think it was very good and didnt want it haunting me to my grave.

    It had jack docherty from absolutely in it though. so working with him was a highlight. though I wish Id known in advance as I would maybe have written a funnier script for one of my childhood comedy heroes.

    it turned out okay in the end though. I recently re-watched absolutely and hes not nearly as funny as I remember.

  191. The Tombstone Says:

    Yeah probably the 90s apart from the Fast Show, boy did that get old fast.

  192. charliemingles Says:

    the golden age for comedy was – america anytime

  193. The Tombstone Says:

    So Charlie have you got anything on the go now? How about a show with an obnoxious fat guy and a really hot wife who’d never be with him in a million years. I’m not sure that’s been done.

  194. piqued Says:

    The 70’s were better for comics rather than shows, M & W, Ronnies, Cooper etc., Apart from Python and Fawlty Towers the rest were quite mundane

  195. The Tombstone Says:

    Oh and did I mention that the hot wife nags him a lot. That’s the twist you see.

  196. daveselectricblanket Says:

    A peado based sitcom would be funny. ‘chalk and cheese’, set in a dungeon underneath a local school.

    Do it Charlie.

  197. The Tombstone Says:

    Yeah someone lowered the tone and it wasn’t me.

    *Does a little dance*

  198. charliemingles Says:

    is that an actual shoe tombstone? I dont really watch sitcoms these days.

    I gave up professional comedy writing 4 years ago. both my producer and the head of arts and entertainment I knew have now left the BBC.

    So if youre looking for contacts or advice, Im afraid a bitter disillusioned old man like me isnt your best bet.

  199. daveselectricblanket Says:

    It’s be the ultimate odd couple. Besides, read Mingles blog. He’s done his ‘research’.

  200. charliemingles Says:

    *show, not shoe

  201. charliemingles Says:

    even old cunts like me know that tv is dead.
    make your own sitcom, one camera, simple contemporary set. great script.

    then, to acheive the requisite publicity, run through the streets with your cock out shouting your name.

    Make sure the name of your website is:
    daveortombstonerunsthroughthestreetsof (insert home town here) with hisa cock out.com

    fame and fortune will follow. bitterness, alcoholism and divorce soon after that.

    good luck.

  202. Wenchy Says:

    “Probably because it’s close to Coventry and there are no good bits in Coventry. We mostly live in mud huts and talk to other houses with two plastic cups and a bit of string.”

    I can confirm this is true.

    The computer I am currently on has been wittled out of wood.

  203. The Tombstone Says:

    Nah I can’t be bothered with all that I’ll stick to making weird music and writing weird books.

  204. The Tombstone Says:

    Cor, wood, you’re the lucky one Wenchy. Mine’s made out of elephant dung.

  205. Wenchy Says:

    I know, aren’t I just. We upgraded from wattle and daub.

  206. indy Says:

    golden age of comedy… what about the year that jesus played that “back from the dead” prank on the romans? hilarious.

  207. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Strange that, isn’t it? I hear he died on stage the night before. They bloody crucified him, did the crowd.

  208. The Tombstone Says:

    *Groan*

  209. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Somebody move the tombstone please…

    *oh yeah*

  210. ugeine Says:

    Bad gig to do though dave. Due to a mix up,m the crowd had been given wine when they were supposed to be given water. Nobody knows who made the switch.

  211. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Yeah, Jesus was nailed too.

  212. ugeine Says:

    I got told possibly the worst joke of all time earlier today:

    A vicar is invited to a party of two middle aged men. The men had started off poor, but made their selves a fortune and were throwing a party to celebrate their new found wealth and status. The vicar arrives at the party, and is shown around the men’s new house. The Tour ends in the dining room, where on the wall hangs two majestic portraits of the men. ‘what do you think, Vicar?’ asks one of the men. ‘Isn’t it a nice painting?’ ‘Why yes, they’re lovely, but why is the picture of our saviour not in between?’ asks the vicar.

  213. Wenchy Says:

    I don’t get it.

  214. The Tombstone Says:

    Why did the sausage phone the fire brigade?

    No reason, it was a falsalmi.

  215. indy Says:

    why did they choose to live together in the same house? were they not really that rich or just gay?

  216. Clarry Says:

    Did anyone watch the prog about sex education last night, or the one about drinking other people’s breast milk?

    *shudders*

    … Ughhh!

  217. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Where have the adults gone? See what happens when people fuck off!

  218. The Tombstone Says:

    Yeah but Kate Garraway(SP) is fucking fit though.

  219. Wenchy Says:

    I couldn’t watch that breast milk programme, I would have spent the whole documentary trying to keep my tea down.

  220. The Tombstone Says:

    Hells Kitchen USA tonight, happy days.

  221. Clarry Says:

    Didn’t watch much of that one, made me feel too ill. The sex one was gross, but I also couldn’t take my eyes off it. There were some very strange looking cocks on it.

  222. ugeine Says:

    Wenchy: The crucifiction had Jesus with one thief on each side. He’s calling them thieves, the cunning little bugger.

    Indy: I think it’s for the purposes of the joke, though they probably were. Gay thiefs, the worst kind of thief.

  223. Wenchy Says:

    “Wenchy: The crucifiction had Jesus with one thief on each side. He’s calling them thieves, the cunning little bugger.”

    Hmm. Right. Yes, dreadful joke.

  224. piqued Says:

    What a fucking shit joke

    *leaves*

  225. charliemingles Says:

    Yes, ugeine is right indy.

    I can indeed confrim that englishmen, irishmen and scotchmen hardly ever travel around together in the hope that something amusing might happen.

  226. daveselectricblanket Says:

    How can you steal a cross from your own house? What?

  227. charliemingles Says:

    that is a shite joke though

    I much preferred the falsalami, if I had to choose.

    thankfuly I dont

  228. charliemingles Says:

    knock knock knock knock

    knock knock knock knock

    knock knock knock knock

  229. The Tombstone Says:

    That’s the first time anyone has ever chosen the falsalami over anything. Who’s there?

  230. charliemingles Says:

    philip glass

    *leaves with a swagger*

  231. The Tombstone Says:

    Nice, I love Philip Glass he’s awesome.

  232. charliemingles Says:

    thats probably because it only (nearly) works on paper. not a spoken gag

  233. daveselectricblanket Says:

    The knock one? What is going on…what does it mean?

  234. charliemingles Says:

    its not that funny dave. I take it you’re not a glass aficianado?

  235. daveselectricblanket Says:

    What does it mean though? What is it?

  236. charliemingles Says:

    its boring explaining jokes, but I know its frustrating if you dont get it. I didnt get the rich guys/jesus one earlier.

    philip glass is known for minimalist music which is very repetitive.

    so, if he were to knock at your door he might do so in a very repetitive manner. thats the joke. even funnier now its been explained.

    I hope that clears it up. I cant explain any of jim davidsons jokes though. not even the ones I wrote.

  237. The Tombstone Says:

    He’s my minamilist hero.

  238. daveselectricblanket Says:

    bluff bluff

  239. charliemingles Says:

    who’s there? ( I dread to think)

  240. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Nope. Was a double bluff.

  241. daveselectricblanket Says:

    (it’s a paradox you see)

  242. charliemingles Says:

    Its not a paradox I dont think. In strictly semiotic terms I think what that is sir is a ‘piecost’

  243. charliemingles Says:

    ‘whats a pie cost?’ I hear you fire back as quick as flash.

  244. Dave Medlo Says:

    My Godfather was in Keeping Up Appearances one – he played a postman who looked surprised and fell into a hedge. It was a momentous occasion, the whole family came round and we watched it together.

    Those were the days. Before the locusts came.

  245. Clarry Says:

    P.S SH – Indy was messing with Snap’s lyrics so why are you quoting 2 Unlimited back at him? God, get your rubbish 90s dance music right…

  246. Swineshead Says:

    Clarry – I am well aware of the difference. I was just going along with the theme…. you’re hyper-critical today, ain’t you?

  247. Clarry Says:

    No, just bored.

  248. reptiles for adoption Says:

    It’s possible to be more informative as this. There are many a few some tips i may realize just after reading the wonderful article

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: