Ghosthunting with … Paul O’Grady and Friends

by

Well, I’ve already watched Ghosthunting with …the Dingles, McFly, Girls Aloud and the cast of I’m A Celebrity. So what the hell, I thought. I may as well complete the set.

All the famous people in Liverpool know each other apparantly. So Paul O’Grady’s ‘friends’ consisted of Natasha Hamilton from Atomic Mutton and on-screen Brookside couple Philip Olivier (Tinhead from Brookside) and Jennifer Ellison (Tinhead’s girlfriend Emily from Brookside, small, blonde, gets her tits out for lads’ mags).

This time they set off for Palermo on the Italian island of Sicily to find the ghosts. And – as usual – the amateur ghosthunters were accompanied by presenter/exec producer Yvette Fielding in her Scooby-Doo taxi.

Yvette Fielding is one of those hard-faced northern women who, in past decades, would have been photographed in black and white, her beefy forearms wrapped around a mangle and surrounded by jam-faced children in wellingtons. These days she has her own production company, faking hauntings for gullible idiots like me. I guess that’s progress of sorts.

Sitting in the back of the taxi watching everything on the TV monitors and commenting on proceedings was body-language expert and Mr Potato-head look-alike Dr Geoffrey Beattie. Like Cybil Fawlty, Geoffrey’s specialised subject is stating the bleedin’ obvious.

So Geoff helpfully informed us, ‘We can expect a lot of fear responses, people vocalising their fears and indicating as much with their body language and so on.’ How else might they indicate their fear Geoffrey? Through the medium of contemporary dance, perhaps? I obviously missed that scene in The Exorcist where Father Karras leaps around Regan’s bedroom in some hotpants with the arse cut out, to the accompaniment of white-noise and bongo drums.

As usual, they visited various ‘haunted’ sites around Palermo and Yvette primed them by whispering a spooky ghost story and then tossing them into the pitch black corridors with just their little handicams and their own screams for company.

Pram-face Natasha turned out to be fairly level-headed. It was Ellison who was the pain in the arse. Left alone in the dark of a 14th century oubliette (a hole they chucked people into) she was fine. But as soon as she had an audience she was shrieking like a scouse banshee. Never have we been more in need of Harry Enfield’s scouse gits to turn up and tell her to ‘caaalm down’.

I guess that’s why I enjoy these shows though. Some damsels in distress. Some young alpha-males trying to walk with a modicum of dignity across a haunted ballroom, without shrieking like a girl and shitting themselves – my own favoured option in similar circumstances, and Yvette bullying everyone in the name of psychic research and bigger ratings.

‘I’m just going to leave you here in this dark room with that ghost I told you about. On your own. For a week. With three mental patients, some victorian dollies and this bucket of LSD. See how you go. Alright?’

The climax of the show was in the Capuchin catacombs in Palermo where, as is tradition, people were mummified and left standing in the open. So we were treated to the gruesome spectacle of hundreds of bodies lining the walls in various states of decay.

At this point it struck me for the first time that these were real people and the fun of the whole thing started to wear off. To their credit, O’Grady and friends obviously felt the same way and they showed a lot of genuine compassion for the corpses – particularly a little three-year-old girl who had been entombed in a glass coffin and was almost perfectly preserved. It was truly grotesque and the only real horror was how anyone could film this as cheap entertainment and expect us to go along with it.

Yvette’s evil plan to freak the shit out of them had obviously backfired. She tried to get a seance going and talk the whole thing up. But O’Grady wasn’t playing. Even wee Jennifer wasn’t playing. None of them were playing. Quite fucking right. Good on the Scousers.

I’m a sucker for all this ghost stuff. And so long as you take it as pure entertainment rather than anything remotely scientific, and so long as they have engaging guests, it’s an enjoyable show. Just don’t show us the bodies Yvette. That’s not scary. It’s just sick. Come back when you’ve learned to tell the difference.

WWM DVD EXTRA:
This show is a spin-off from the popular Most Haunted franchise which is worth it alone, just for bringing us this priceless clip of famously exposed fraud psychic Derek Acorah.

Whisper it softly to yourself three times before you go to bed tonight, ‘Mary loves Dick …’

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138 Responses to “Ghosthunting with … Paul O’Grady and Friends”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    Of these, I only saw the Girls Aloud one which highlighted for me what a feckless non-entity Tweedy-Cole is.

    ‘I’m sure I just saw a ghost, me’
    ‘You didn’t’
    ‘I ain’t shittin’ yers, man – I saw a ghost!’

  2. Tales From An Empty Room « Charliemingles’s Weblog Says:

    […] https://watchwithmothers.wordpress.com/2008/09/11/ghosthunting-with-paul-ogrady-and-friends/ […]

  3. Clarry Says:

    I was researching a house, supposedly haunted, where the Most Haunted team did a prog. The implements of their devil work were still in place – mirrors for scrying, a brooch, photograph and an upturned glass on the table (suitably light, so that a gentle touch from the underside could cause it to move…) The people who work at this house are obsessed with the place being haunted and host saturday night, fright nights for twice the usual entry price. Fools are easily parted from their money.

    I just went and looked at the Capuchin catacombs on the interwebs – I would have shit myself.

  4. charliemingles Says:

    dont you love that ‘mary loves dick’ clip though. I never get tired watching that. bloody hilarious.

  5. charliemingles Says:

    I dont know how that link thing above appeared SH. was that you?

  6. Clarry Says:

    Yes it’s a funny clip, but the man is a bloody fraud. Having extensively researched the house in question, I was aware that all of the ‘information’ Acorah was gleaning from his sprit guide was lifted straight from the guidebook. He couldn’t even be arsed to embellish it a bit.

  7. Clarry Says:

    *spirit

  8. charliemingles Says:

    I think its been covered in the tabloids Clarry that acorah was exposed pretty blatantly on the show by one of their professional historians – good on him.
    I notice that he still gets work though and that yvette now conducts the seances herself.

    I love all that paranormal stuff, and there is to my mind a very small percentage of the evidence that leans towards something – particularly in Colin Wilsons stuff.

    But you wont find anything here but cynical chicanery. But great entertainment.

  9. The Tombstone Says:

    There’s a previous article about crap shows like this, ghosthunting with Paul O’Grady and extreme fishing with Robson Green and how it reminded the writer about when Alan Partridge was pitching his desperately crap ideas to the head of programming at the BBC. It really is funny to watch that episode again and think that he had suggested them today he would have gotten a job.

  10. Swineshead Says:

    Previous article on here, you mean? I think, if so, that it was Jason Spaced’s one and only article before he got a whizz bang proper job at a leading broadsheet. The bastard.

  11. The Tombstone Says:

    Yep, good article that. Do you other guys ever submit work to papers and stuff, seems good enough to me.

  12. Clarry Says:

    I know everyone knows he’s a fraud – I just didn’t realise how blatantly he did it until he covered a subject I knew a lot about. You know there’s a lot of information out there about the histories of these buildings which he could have drawn on – but the sodding guidebook? That’s just fucking lazy.

  13. charliemingles Says:

    My understanding is that proper psychics never used to charge for their services, never even took donations.

    That was when it was all part of the spiritulalist movement which, agree with it or not, seemed quite honourable in its methods.

    Now its just wall-to wall snake oil salesmen.

  14. Clarry Says:

    My grandma has ‘the gift’ so i’m told. One day, she looked at the tealeaves and hurridly turned the cup over and has never done it since, apprently too horrified by what she saw…. Now, I love her and all that, but really?

  15. The Tombstone Says:

    At the end of the day any real psychic would win the lottery and be knee deep in cocaine and whores so would be too busy to be fannying around old buildings and telling people their grandma says hi.

  16. Clarry Says:

    “That was when it was all part of the spiritulalist movement which, agree with it or not, seemed quite honourable in its methods. ”

    I know what you mean, but I think that the Spiritualists want followers not contributions and they are preying on slightly vulnerable people. The laws of probability dictate that the medium will strike it lucky by saying “I’ve got J… Ja… (looks through one eye to see if anyone’s biting) Jo.. John with me, he’s got glasses and grey hair. He says ‘don’t lose that lottery ticket’. I’m sensing he’s got a bad heart. Does this mean anything to anyone?”

  17. Swineshead Says:

    I CAN KIL U WIV MY MINDS

  18. Dave Says:

    O’Grady can revisit this special next year…from the other side!

    *ghostly voice* Wooooo!

  19. charliemingles Says:

    nonsense tombstone. they dont just say hi.

    They also say how much they miss their home-made jam. And have a message for … its starts with a B. bob, barney, brian, brenda, billy. Billy? Yes Billy, can I give you that dear. Billy sends his love.

    Doris stokes, another one exposed.

  20. charliemingles Says:

    I agree wholeheartedly with the young lady above. keeping an open mind means bringing that to any evidence, regardless of which side of the fence it comes from.

  21. Clarry Says:

    She was born in Grantham! (Near to where I live)

  22. charliemingles Says:

    The TAPS guys are much better. they seem like genuine open-minded sceptics and consequently much less dramatic stuff happens on their show.

    if you type ‘most haunted fakes’ into youtube, you’ll get quite a few examples from the show where someone has gone to the trouble of pointing out the fakery.

  23. Swineshead Says:

    On another note – I’m reading Derren Brown’s book and it’s fucking amazing.

  24. charliemingles Says:

    same place as maggie Thatcher. my condolences madam.

  25. charliemingles Says:

    yeah, love mister brown. the human mind is incredible.

    Well, not mine obviously. but some of them.

  26. Clarry Says:

    Look we’ve not got much to brag about round these parts…

    Although both Abi Titmuss and Jennifer Saunders went to my school (as pupils).

  27. wally bazoom Says:

    Interestingly, the last person to be prosecuted under the 1735 Witchcraft Act was a fake spiritulist, in 1944.

    It was interesting.

  28. Clarry Says:

    Speaking of Titmuss, how’s the friendship developing SH? Has she ever replied to you?

  29. Dave Says:

    Strange they don’t invite Brown on the show. He’d probably throw the bastard ghost into a zombie game, or stick pins in him like Robbie Williams (the single reason I like Derren’s work and have seen him TWICE).

  30. Swineshead Says:

    She’s not replied to me on fbook, despite the fact I used to be a bastard to her at Heckington train station in 1990.

    I’m surprised at how candid Brown in this here tome. A bloody clever bloke.

  31. wally bazoom Says:

    And Eric Thompson, the voice of The Magic Roundabout. That’s the best one.

    And Duncan Goodhew handglides of St Deny’s roof once a month.

  32. charliemingles Says:

    gordon brown went to my school

    * hangs himself with the shame*

  33. charliemingles Says:

    Clarry, you said earlier you were researching a house. IN what capacity? I’m intrigued. Can you get me Thelma’s autograph?

  34. Dave Says:

    You’re all proper people and stuff, bastards. My school produced the guy that invented the Riddlers and Rotten Trolls…mmm…and the boyband 911 (a third of it…the 9)

  35. Wenchy Says:

    The Ghosthunting programmes are absolutely brilliant, I love them. Just watching people scare themselves stupid – worth every penny. The Girls Aloud one was particularly good, “Tap the fuckin tah-bel!” – genius.

    Acorah is undoubtedly a fraud, but fucking hell, he made Most Haunted an interesting watch. Hilarious, in fact.

    I’m, unfortunately, not as cynical as everyone else round these ‘ere parts. I’m actually going on a “ghost hunt” in November with a bunch of mates – we’re all a little sceptical, and I very much doubt we’ll see anything, and none of us will be able to sleep for a month…but I’m very excited!

  36. ugeine Says:

    Does anybody here actually believe in ghosts, pyschics, etc?

  37. The Tombstone Says:

    I hate Abi Titmuss I hope she *removes own idiocy* learns to love herself and how to be happy. *Twitch*

  38. Swineshead Says:

    I’m not sceptical. I don’t spend any time thinking about it, I just know it’s nonsense. If anything’s ever seen there’s going to be a scientific explanation – the jump to life after death upon seeing a smudge in the darkness is pretty massive. Having said that, I’d still go on a ghost hunt – it’s good to give in to your imagination sometimes.

    I once got dragged out of bed and had a razor sharp migraine. I put it down to sleep paralysis – it was bloody scary. If I believed in ghosts it might do me in completely.

  39. The Tombstone Says:

    I’d never go on a ghost hunt even fake ghosts scare the shit out of me. I couldn’t sleep for a week after The Others for Pete’s sake.

  40. Swineshead Says:

    If you liked The Others, Tombstone (and I concede it’s not bad despite old Concrete-Forehead being the lead), read Henry James’ The Turn Of The Screw which it’s based on. It gave me the jitters, that book – and is far more subtle.

  41. Swineshead Says:

    http://tinyurl.com/yikeys

  42. piqued Says:

    I don’t believe in ghosts any more than I do God, Fairies, mermaids, Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster or UFO’s

    It’s tireless fucking shit for knuckle dragging half-wits

  43. piqued Says:

    SH, tried the House of Dust? Made it a quarter of the way through… it’s fucking terrifying

  44. Swineshead Says:

    Did you give up out of fear? Blimey…
    No – it’s the only one of his I’ve read. Cracking read.

  45. charliemingles Says:

    I agree Wenchy. we have lots of those ghost tours here in old edinburgh and theyre great fun. I still have an open mind. if you read proper scientfiic research on the subject there is a very small percentage of stuff that defies current explanation. thats enough to keep me intrigued and terrified.

    turn of the screw, superb. isnt kate bush’s infant kiss also based on that?

    you cant beat a bit of kate

  46. The Tombstone Says:

    I won’t be watching or reading anything about ghosts if I can help it. I can deal with any amount of torure or gore but put a child who should be dead and is walking around and there will be a The Tombstone shaped hole in the wall.

  47. piqued Says:

    I fucking did, it’s bloody terrifying. I’ll give you a lend…

  48. Swineshead Says:

    UFOs – I truly believed I’d seen one or two one night walking home from a friends, then realised I was under RAF Cranwell’s flightpath and had taken half a low grade blotter. Disappointing.

  49. The Tombstone Says:

    I love Kate Bush. She’s awesome as Nap would say.

  50. Dave Says:

    Piqued laid it down. Have you seem Penn and Teller’s B*llshit? Unthinking twats attacking unthinking twats.

  51. The Tombstone Says:

    And that would be torture, I can’t be dealing with torure.

  52. charliemingles Says:

    you stoner SH. are you ever not mashed out of your fucking brains?

  53. piqued Says:

    Dave, are you suggesting I’m an ”unthinking twat’?

    *gets sword*

  54. Swineshead Says:

    Is it alright to be a Kate Bush fan? I quite like her stuff. I thought I should feel guilty about that.

    There is a weird paedo element to The Turnings of of the a Screws.

    Tombstone – see Devil’s Backbone? Fucking great little ghost story that.

  55. The Tombstone Says:

    Being a Kate Bush fan is awesome. But then I like Genesis as well.

    Sounds like Devil’s Backbone is on my avoid list.

  56. Swineshead Says:

    Penn & Teller are alright.

    Charlie Mingles – I was 17 at the time so I think it’s acceptable. I’ve sworn I’ll never take acid again after watching Come To Daddy for the first time half an hour after taking four trips. I was a stupid youth, but at least I’ve got dull anecdotes.

  57. Wenchy Says:

    To answer the “does anyone believe” bit – I believe there’s something around. I don’t think ghosts are dead people in a sheet, it’s not like that. I don’t know, I’d find it difficult to explain because I sense most other people (aside from Mr Mingles) are really quite anti that kind of stuff. Which is fair enough, it wouldn’t do if we were all the same.

    I don’t believe in many psychics. I do think some people can sense things, but I’m sure there are a hundred times more fraudsters than there are the real deal.

    I can understand completely why some people don’t go in for it, I really can. But, if it’s a kind of comfort to others…I have no problem with it.

    I’m shitting myself quietly in my office now, thinking about this sodding ghosthunt in November.

    Piqued – on a scale of one to ten, how scary is House of Dust? I read Turn of the Screw at Uni, had to sleep with the fucking light on.

  58. Dave Says:

    No – just, as a thinking soul, it’s be like watching two imbred Yokles fighting over a spoilt turnip.

  59. piqued Says:

    The BBC’s version of The Signalman with Denholm Elliot is almost unwatchable (SH, have on dvd, another lend if you wish)

  60. Wenchy Says:

    “Tombstone – see Devil’s Backbone? Fucking great little ghost story that.”

    I was surprised how much I enjoyed that film, I’ve got the three film Del Toro boxset, and that was the only one I’d not really paid much attention to. I like ones that ratchet up the tension, rather than make you jump.

  61. piqued Says:

    Wench, House of Leaves (not ‘dust’, sorry) it’s not as subtle as TOTS, which did for me too but at least I finished it

    Dave *sheaths cutlass*

    Put it into google, I can’t post links here

  62. Swineshead Says:

    Wenchy – seen Cronos? It’s shit.

  63. charliemingles Says:

    I agree about the signalman piqued. terrifying. its always about the atmosphere – and what you dont see.

    As soon as you see the ghost in these things, its over. best to hint at it and we fill in the gap with our own imagination.

    no-one should feel bad about liking kate bush SH, superb songwriter and a total babe in her day.

  64. charliemingles Says:

    cant beat the shining though, the orginal 1950’s the haunting with claire blooms lesbo action and the exorcist for great ghost stories.

  65. charliemingles Says:

    *the films, not the books

  66. Wenchy Says:

    “Wenchy – seen Cronos? It’s shit.”

    Quite a while ago, but I don’t remember loving it overly much. The story of it reads really well on paper though. I do like his style though, but Pan’s Labyrinth is his best. Hellboy 2 was fantastically disappointing aswell.

  67. charliemingles Says:

    *repeats question*

    Clarry, you said earlier you were researching a house. IN what capacity?

    If youre an estate agent, feel free to commit ritual suicide.

  68. Dave Says:

    Charlie – The House On Haunted Hill with the plastic skeleton on string, you tit.

  69. charliemingles Says:

    I think youre talking about the remake dave.

    tits to you too, sir.

  70. Napoleon Says:

    Wasn’t Dave on about that Castle guy who sent out a crappy skeleton on a string into the audience during a showing of HOHH in the 50s?

  71. Dave Says:

    CM – I’m talking about the original one starring the fake Doctor Who in the early days of life. I got it along with the The Wolfman for a pound at a car boot in Wales.

    NC – I wouldn’t be able to cite such things as that.

  72. charliemingles Says:

    I have no idea what either of you is on about

  73. Napoleon Says:

    The bloke wot did all these old ‘orrors. He used to stick electric shock things in the seats, have stuff flying over people’s heads, and have nurses on standby in case people fainted through the shock of the horror they’d seen up on the screen. Swineshead’ll know about him. I think they made a film loosely based on his story starring John Goodman. Castle somebody.

  74. charliemingles Says:

    ah, right. thanks NC. Now oy onderstands.

  75. Swineshead Says:

    Only a passing knowledge, if I’m honest.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Castle

    I do like old B Movies but my main love is the video nasty era. More a gorehound than a lover of scares.

  76. charliemingles Says:

    interesting, I was only vaguely aware of this. Im much more a fan of the 70’s hammer horrors for kitsch, and the roger corman/edgar allen poe stuff with vincent price which always looked great and I think in some ways inspired the look of the whole goth movement.

  77. Swineshead Says:

    How old are you again mingles?
    I used hammer as a starting point – my dad pretty much made me watch them, the freak – then moved on to video nasty via my older brother who was forever pirating shitty VHS copies of the lowest, most morbid films he could find. Reanimator, Cronenburg, Raimi, Henenlotter all that stuff – 80s quality.

  78. Mikey Says:

    I have mentioned it before but the “Thriller” series of the Seventies were quite scary. OK I was only a little kid, but they were behind the sofa stuff. I see they are on DVD now. I wonder if they have stood the test of time. Probably not, but seeing all the old seventies styles, fashions, cars etc might be worth a trip down memory lane.

  79. charliemingles Says:

    older than you SH. Hopefully younger than your dad.

    love those thriller shows Mikey, but maybe Im just nostalgic for the 70’s.

    I had just retired back then you see, and had lots of time on my hands.

    Nurse!

    *shits himself*

  80. ugeine Says:

    You retired in the seventies?

    *speaks up*

  81. Swineshead Says:

    Mikey – where the hell have you been?

    Good old Theo, eh?

  82. Clarry Says:

    Wally – Are you a Lincolnshire local?

    CM – Sorry been out of the office. I am a fine art conservator, but I am also a historic paint researcher so we work in a lot of grade I and II listed buildings around the UK.

    With regards to ‘do you believe?’ – no I don’t. I’m fairly certain there’s a logical and scientific reason for nearly all of it. I also think that a lot of it is down to the complexities of the human mind – brains often think that something completely far fetched is far more logical an explanation for something when they don’t want to or can’t believe what is actually happening. I also don’t understand why a speck of dust catching the light is deemed ot be an orb.

  83. Mikey Says:

    Great game and Theo was brill! As was Wazza and Heskey and the rest of the lads. Over the moon!

  84. charliemingles Says:

    we called that a ‘joke’ in my day ugeine.

    Im actually only seven and an idiot savante. some of them can play the piano and stuff.

    Ive tried painting the cistine chapel from memory, but I got saddled with tv reviews. I’ll be dead before Im 19.

  85. wally bazoom Says:

    I am from Sleaford Town, born and bred, on the playground is were I spent most of my days, then there was this couple of guys, a little fight, my mum was scared…. it gets hazy after that…. a stinking car, a big house, not home anymore… a new home.. then sleep.

  86. piqued Says:

    NC, were you not thinking about Ed Wood, Plan 9 From Outta Space chap?

  87. piqued Says:

    Ignore me, SH has responded

  88. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Ed Wood is a fictional character, you arse.

  89. ugeine Says:

    CM: true, but remember they called a lot of things things in your day. Your generation had a word for everything.

  90. piqued Says:

    You’re the cunt Dave, he’s not

  91. charliemingles Says:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_wood

  92. charliemingles Says:

    I feel napoleon should come in at this point.

    Hes far better on this ‘young people had respect in my day’ bollox than I am.

    I cant be arsed. whippersnappers.

  93. piqued Says:

    Thank you CM, on your knees Dave

  94. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Fuck off – it’s Edward Woodward yer thinking of…unless he’s really ‘Johnny Depp’.

    Idiots roam this site, I tell thee.

  95. Napoleon Says:

    I’m afraid I can’t be arsed neither. I’ve got writer’s block – a pisser as I’m supposed to be coming up with a ha-ha-ha-hilarious comic strip script before I go on holiday.

  96. piqued Says:

    It’s not Edward fucking Woodwood you gland-brained fuck wit

    CM even sent you a link

  97. charliemingles Says:

    thats a fucker sir. I assume youve tried all the usual brain stimulants? cheese and onion crisps etc.

  98. charliemingles Says:

    just steal it from somewhere else NC. Isnt that what the internet was invented for after all?

  99. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Piqued – you’re a joke. Edward Woodward did that film about men dressing up as women.

    I think you need to learn more about films, you dullard wankoaf.

  100. Napoleon Says:

    I haven’t tried cheese and onion crisps, no. I’ve had to resort to drawing pictures instead – the last thing I’m prepared to do usually.

  101. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – Are you thinking of that one where Ollie Reed’s a soldier and Glenda Jackson’s hiding a deserter in her house by dressing him up as her sister? I don’t remember if Edward Woodward’s in it.

  102. daveselectricblanket Says:

    No, the one he did before that film about Dracula in space….Dracula 9 in space, I think they called it.

  103. piqued Says:

    ‘I think you need to learn more about films’

    Read that back to yourself you fucking wet

  104. Napoleon Says:

    I haven’t seen ‘Dracula 9 In Space’.

  105. charliemingles Says:

    cant beat a bit of olly reed. such an under-rated actor.

    Personally, I think he should have got an oscar for his appearance on ‘after dark’

  106. piqued Says:

    Ignore him CM, he’s covering for the fact he discovered he was wrong and doesn’t have the balls to admit it

  107. Napoleon Says:

    Where he kissed that lesbian? Cracking bit o’ telly, that was. I enjoyed the black and white film about mining they cut to when things got completely out of hand. Very informative.

  108. daveselectricblanket Says:

    It’s the last film Christopher Lee was in before he died. They actually lost loads of money and had to change the plot about because of his death.

    It’s funny, watch it.

  109. charliemingles Says:

    I think the franchise went downhill for me, after dracula 8 in space, when they visited the UK with dracula’s crazy twin-brother.

  110. Napoleon Says:

    Christopher Lee’s dead? When did this happen?

  111. charliemingles Says:

    dave- christopher lee is still alive you gimp.

    NC – yes, that was great telly. I saw that live. almost as good as the first gulf war live on tv. my first live war that was, quite exciting at the time. now, who cares.

  112. piqued Says:

    He’s not dead NC, ignore the wanker

  113. Napoleon Says:

    I liked it when he called her ‘big tits’ – guaranteed to get right up a rampant 1970s feminist’s nose.

  114. Napoleon Says:

    So he’s not dead? Did you mean Peter Cushing, Dave? They usually go hand in hand.

  115. piqued Says:

    I wouldn’t bother asking Dave anything NC, I doubt if he knows the right way to sit on the chod bin

  116. daveselectricblanket Says:

    I mean who I mean. He died decades ago.

  117. Napoleon Says:

    Oh, right you are. My mind’s elsewhere today …

  118. Napoleon Says:

    Christopher Lee didn’t die decades ago! He’s only just been on at the cinema as a voice in that Clone Wars rubbish.

  119. daveselectricblanket Says:

    You might be mixing him up with Bela Lugosi (Wicker Man) actually.

  120. Swineshead Says:

    Dave’s being wilfully misinformed. It’s losing its charm rapidly and, to my mind, carries definite undertones of xenophobia and out and out racism.

  121. Napoleon Says:

    Oh, I see. You’re fucking about. Well done, Dave, very clever of you.

  122. Swineshead Says:

    I thought we’d all worked out that Dave’s an unfunny, misshapen loner who will probably be on the news in ten years time having bludgeoned a newsreader?

  123. charliemingles Says:

    yes, NC. She must have set back the feminist movement about forty years.

    ‘Were not all ugly fat hairy, specky humourless american academic women in baggy grey clothes, you know. Oh, hold on …shit. how did she get through ‘

  124. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Sh – I don’t think that was very nice. Of course they worked that out weeks ago, you flute playing pixie of shite.

  125. Swineshead Says:

    you flute playing pixie of shite

    You’ve not really got the hang of the comical insults, have you?

  126. Napoleon Says:

    I was just thinking the same thing.

  127. daveselectricblanket Says:

    It was the first thing that came into my head and there’s nothing wrong with it, you arse-munching, porridge-dwelling bumpkin of arse.

  128. charliemingles Says:

    I liked ‘flute playing pixie of shite’ actually

  129. wally bazoom Says:

    Bela Lugosi was definitely wicked, man.

  130. The Tombstone Says:

    Surely Dave’s taking the piss, no one can be that wrong about so many things.

  131. charliemingles Says:

    he certainly was Wally. he was dracula. and you cant get more wicked than that.

    Or did you mean that in the young-person sense?

    *nudges napoleon awake*

    You’re on!

  132. Napoleon Says:

    I can’t be arsed, Mingles.

  133. The Tombstone Says:

    Who sucked away Nap’s spirit? Did your power ranger candle burn out, chief?

  134. wally bazoom Says:

    I reckon the only person who still uses ‘wicked’ in that sense is Goldie.

    So to sum up, Dracula was bad.

  135. charliemingles Says:

    youre like one of those old lions you see wandering the safari park NC.
    Sleepy and bewildered with bald patches on their once proud mane.

    you obviously need a holiday sir.

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