Girls Aloud on Jo Whiley’s Live Lounge


Only just heard about this rendition of an already pretty turgid song. Listen out for the caterwauling on the chorus. The only benefit of Jo Whiley’s radio show is that it occasionally, accidentally sorts the wheat from the chaff in terms of those who actually have a smidgen of talent as compared to the over-produced, bizarrely acclaimed pile of shit at the top of this post.

My ears are bleeding.

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177 Responses to “Girls Aloud on Jo Whiley’s Live Lounge”

  1. Kremble Says:

    *slinks out from under rock*

    This is the first time I’ve been moved to comment on a topic on here. This makes me want to rip out my eyeballs just so I’ve got something to plug my ears with.

    Seriously, unlistenable isn’t the word. Almost as scary as the comments page on YouTube which has fans describing it as ‘mint’ ‘mellow’, and my personal favourite from some poor unfortunate who goes by the name of D1AR2YL:

    “This is FANTASTIC!!! 100% Pure talent!! Love Girls Aloud! They are AMAZING!! xx”

    Truly terrifying.

    *shakes head in disbelief*


    *slinks back under rock*

  2. Swineshead Says:

    Glad you agree Kremble – I’ve played this three times today just because it’s too ugly to believe….

  3. extremelisteningmode Says:

    Could Jo Whiley go any further up pop stars arses?

    As Simon Amstell said – Radio One – Moyles, Mills, Whiley…it just won’t do.

  4. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Strangely it was the love lounge that won me over to One Republic because, even though their songs make me feel physically sick, they’re talented lads, as the below cover’ll prove –

    Not earth shattering or anything.

  5. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Sorry, the love lounge is a seedy lap bar I get drunk in at three in the afternoon most Wednesdays.

  6. The Tombstone Says:

    I can’t see the clip at work can someone tell me what the song is please?

    Kremble that’s the second time you’ve posted, the first one was to mock me. Don’t be shy, come and play, it’s fun.

    Anyone here heard of a folk singer called Mary Hampton? Amazing voice, hauntingly beautiful lyrics. I see big things in her future.

    Anyone watch Breaking Bad last night? It’s on the FX Sunday night Dexter slot. I was really impressed. I was gutted when Dexter finished and was delighted to see a worthy replacement to tide me over until Dexter series 3.

  7. The Tombstone Says:

    Is hauntingly even a word? Damn I’ve had too much coffee this morning. Anyone watch Massive, I liked it. It will tide me over until new Two Pints I guess.

  8. Nick T Says:

    Very funny. I wasn’t expecting the Pussycat Dolls but that was truely vile.
    I mentioned Jo Whiley a while ago in my Orangeunsigned tirade here

    I must awayy to the tube of you.

    I played a gig on friday and was spectacular but……..

  9. charliemingles Says:

    this sounds no worse than many of the new young beat combo pop bands I hear, to be honest.

    Surely their market is 9-12-year-old girls. Not us bunch of twats.

  10. Swineshead Says:

    Apparently Alan Turner, X Factor contestant is a fraud. He was never estranged from his family. I feel like I’ve been massively cheated and can’t carry on.

  11. Swineshead Says:

    CM – a Girls Aloud apologist. What a disgrace.

  12. Nick T Says:

    Their market is tone deaf idiots.
    My dughter is 12 and would never listen to this bunch of old swill.

  13. Swineshead Says:

    Nick – don’t let your daughter anywhere near Walford.

  14. charliemingles Says:

    I have to be SH. Im shagging cheryl and the ginger one – dont even know her name, but she likes it like that. Marisa is enjoying it too. She sits and watches, occassionally doing her Pilates.

    I dont really get that alan truner joke. Do you perhaps have to be a soap fiend like yourself to get the gag?

  15. Dave Says:

    CM’s coming out boxing this morning. Who’d have thought it?

    Bananarama are rubbish n’all *dives for cover*

  16. charliemingles Says:

    spent the weekend looking after my parents who have both injured themselves.

    If that doesnt send you out boxing dave, I dont know what would.

    Hopefully the strychnine will have kicked in by midday. I’ll bury the bodies this evening.

  17. Swineshead Says:

    Bananarama are a completely different story – great looking gals, bouncy pop hits and dance moves to knock your socks off. Aloud look like a heap of drugged heifers in comparison.

  18. charliemingles Says:

    I liked the dark-hairded one out of bananarama. I think shes married to andrew ridgeley now.

  19. Swineshead Says:

    What – her out of Shakespear’s Sister?
    Sian whatsit?

  20. charliemingles Says:

    enough dissing the Aloud Swineshead. Marisa says she’ll come round there and give you a good spanking if you’re not careful young man.

    *still waiting on an explanation for the alan turner gag*

  21. charliemingles Says:

    no, she was blone. the small dark-haired cute one.

  22. charliemingles Says:

    shes the cute piggy one in the middle:

  23. Swineshead Says:

    Find me a picture, Mr Mingles. Immediately.

    Yes, the X Factor cheat (who’s miraculously made it through) has the same name as the fat old bloke who’s been in Emmerdale since the early 80s. Upon realising this, I spent moments of my life constructing that link for nobody’s amusement but my own.

    Here’s the full story – check out the picture of the Dad. It is terrifying.

  24. charliemingles Says:

    Oh right. To x factor devoteees like myself thats old news SH.

    news gush my arse. trickle more like. I want my money back.

    On would almost think you had something else to do all day and didn’t devote your every waking moment to this site.

  25. charliemingles Says:

  26. Dave Says:

    Close your eyes, give me your hand, darlin’, I can feeeelllll yyyooouuu rrr ❤ Beeeaattiinngg!!!

  27. charliemingles Says:

    eternal flame. susanna hoffs. once again dave you filthy low-rent pervert, your taste in women is impeccable.

  28. Dave Says:

    Did she cover Atomic Kitten or somethink like???

  29. charliemingles Says:

    eh? that was by the bangles you twat

  30. Dave Says:

    Sorry…been a manic monday and all that today *drums*

  31. Goerge Says:

    That was not only the best song they’ve ever done, but probably the best piece of music ever preformed. In fact, after hearing this song, I wouldn’t use the word ‘music’ to describe anything that’s come before this song, as in the full context such albums as Revolver only offer an introduction to this musical brilliance. Trust Wiley to uncover such a rare classic, she’s usually the orchestrate of such a thankless wanking off session that sees a self important popband cover a song by a self important pop band.

  32. indy Says:

    Well. “Back in secondary school all the fuss was about Sex in the City.”

  33. Swineshead Says:

    You’ve lost me there, Indy.

  34. indy Says:

    sh: shakespeare’s sister. banned from tv due to disturbing video (stay). where did they go?

  35. Swineshead Says:

    Ah – Stay was a lovely song, I thought.
    They split up and the Canadian one went solo and flopped all over the shop. The prettier one pops up on TV occasionally. I loved her when I was 12. I think it was probably unrequited.

  36. Dave Says:

    Indy – To the dark world of the Mr Blobby video.

  37. indy Says:

    “Back in secondary school all the fuss was about Sex in the City.” it’s a -brilliant- quote from the friday’s blogpost. i don’t know why but i kind of like it, in a sort of catchphrasey way. i wonder to school the tombstone went to… in my secondary school all the fuss was about mongolia, pythagoras and world war II.

  38. Nick T Says:

    My favourite comment

    “May I ask, what exactly is ‘out of tune’? Is it like, singing another note instead of the one you should? Then, what makes it different to ‘flat’ or ‘sharp’

  39. indy Says:

    they were named after ‘that’ smiths song. one of them was a former bananaramarararamara (right?). they had a scary video. they had an ok follow up song (hello – the radio song, am i right?). great.

  40. Swineshead Says:

    Yeah, we’re talking the same language Indy.


  41. piqued Says:

    The former Banannananananrnararaamama one was married to Dave Stewart of Slayer

  42. piqued Says:

    …sorry, not Slayer, Right Said Fred

  43. indy Says:

    (in a scary voice) “you better hope and prey, that you’ll wake one day, in your own world…”

  44. Swineshead Says:

    Yes, Piqued – he was the one who created Shakespear’s Sister. And then he created Alisha’s Attic. Remember them?

    Cos I am
    I feel
    A blah blah blah blah blah


  45. indy Says:

    alisha’s attic. yes.

    speaking of late eighties/early nineties british female fronted band: dubstar. they where great.

  46. piqued Says:

    Christ I remember them

    and them

    SH, I reckon Dave only created SS to give his missus a job so she could chip in with the rent

  47. charliemingles Says:

    as I say – the cure dark-haired one out of bananarama ( 80’2 slang for women who like dildo’s,for anyone who doesnt know) is now partnered-up with andrew ridgeley. she still looks pretty good too from what I can see.

  48. charliemingles Says:

    *80’s slang

  49. indy Says:

    piqued – dave stewart: musical genius and evil landlord. great combination. i can see him walking through east end dressed as ebenezer scrooge while whistling “sweet dreams”

  50. piqued Says:

    He’s very, very small too. I’ve seen him about town struggling to pick up conkers for a game with Right Said Fred who are minute

  51. charliemingles Says:

    where do you live piqued – stella street?

  52. indy Says:

    charliemingles: “the cure dark-haired one out of bananarama” the cure? what do they have to do with it? except that their bass player wrote “torn”, made famous by nathalie imbruglia et al.

  53. Dave Says:

    Stella Street was rubbish – dunno why every man and his dog harps on about it. I imagine Piqued lives at 52 Festive Road.

  54. charliemingles Says:

    indy – never knew that. good pop fact. you should be on telly.

    heres one of mine: whats the connection between lou reed and ex-watchdog presenter Sue cook?

  55. piqued Says:

    Stell Street was superb

    (Dave I don’t even own a bowler hat)

  56. charliemingles Says:

    can I be the middle-man here and say stella street was hit and miss.


  57. Dave Says:

    Somebody claim the indifference slot before I do.

  58. indy Says:

    charliemingles: so what’s the reed/cook connection?

  59. charliemingles Says:

    you cant claim the indifference slot dave. you said it was shit.

  60. charliemingles Says:

    glad you asked me that indy. I can feel the tension in the room as everyone hangs on my every word over this fascinating question.

    yes, what IS the connection between Lou reed and ex-watchdog presenter Sue cook?

    *cocks ear*

    *hears nothing but indifferent typing*

    *carries on anyway*

    Herbie flowers, who played the bass line on walk on the wild side, was in shite 80’s pop-classical crossover band Sky with guitarist john williams. john williams was once married to sue cook.

    more fascinating stories some other time.

  61. indy Says:

    herbie flowers. didn’t he do the easy listening version of ‘wonderwall’?

    *smiles smugly’

  62. charliemingles Says:

    no, that was the mike samms singers or something I think. herbie flowers is a session bass player.

  63. Napoleon Says:

    I went to see Shakespeare’s Sister live and got a great view up Siobhan Fahey’s skirt. Dave Stewart came on unannounced at the end, and it was the least impressive surprise guest I’ve ever witnessed.

  64. indy Says:

    napoleon: i can imagine that shakespeare’s sister were a great live band. they’ve got this “e street vibe” surrounding them. let’s, kinda, rawk.

  65. Napoleon Says:

    All I can remember of the band was looking up her skirt and that idiot Dave Stewart coming on at the end. I went to see ’em with Swineshead’s big brother, so any memory I could have kept of ’em was completely erased by booze after the show.

  66. Swineshead Says:

    Was this the elder brother?
    If so you were probably pissed before you set off.

  67. Napoleon Says:

    I was pissed just by coming into contact with your older brother. He was a bad influence, that boy.

  68. Swineshead Says:

    He’s dried up a bit recently… not quite as boozy as he used to be, by all accounts.

  69. Napoleon Says:

    Well I suppose he’d be dead if he’d carried on drinking the way he used to.

    I had a rotten Italian meal last night. The menu said the pasta dish I’d ordered contained strips of fillet steak, but when it turned up it was braising steak. Robbing Italian bastards. No wonder they lost the war.

  70. piqued Says:

    I’ll wager that NC would’ve been the one that forced booze on your brother SH.

    When I met the blaggard, when he wasn’t starting fights, he was forcing booze on us like it was the day following the end of prohibition.

  71. charliemingles Says:

    NC – how on earth could you tell whether your were staring at dave stewarts face or his wife fanny?

    the sunglasses is probably all that can tell the two apart.

  72. Napoleon Says:

    You clearly never knew Swineshead’s brother in his glory days, Piqued. The man could drink for England back then.

    And that’s crap wot you’ve just writted. The first thing you did when you turned up was start guzzling drink like it was going out of fashion. Don’t listen to this man, readers, his broken spine is clouding his memory.

  73. Napoleon Says:

    Mingles – It was the sunglasses, like you say.

    (Younger readers who don’t understand what Mingles and I mean by not telling the two apart should take note that vaginas in the olden days were smothered in a material called ‘pubic hair’.)

  74. piqued Says:

    I think you’ll find you were already pint-in-hand when I showed, sir. Quite pissed to boot.

    When I arrived I was whistle clean, within seconds of the first ‘hello’ you were throwing drink about the place like Oliver Reed.

  75. Napoleon Says:

    Balls! I was drinking a bottle of Corona. It was you that waded in with the pints, you fat, bald liar. By the time it came to recording that podcast, you were so drunk it was like having Peter O’Toole in my hotel room.

  76. piqued Says:

    I’d barely consumed a pint; by the time we settled you’d amassed a veritable slagheap of tiny limes segments, you animal.

  77. Napoleon Says:

    You lying git. I’d had one fucking bottle before you hobbled up the road in your wig and knock-off pumps. You drank so much in the space of half an hour, you could barely walk to the hotel. Not that you can walk anyway, you crippled old fucker.

  78. piqued Says:

    Shhhh, calm down please

    There’s no need for that

    Look, you wanna talk about the drink issue? Hey, I’m here…

  79. Swineshead Says:

    I was shaking from too much sugar. Had something of a bad trip that day what with all the caffeine…

    *feels left out*

  80. Napoleon Says:

    I see the muslims are kicking off again. Is there some special Muslim Offence Council that spends its days hunting the world for supposed slights against its precious prophet? They need to go down the C of E line – jumble sales, not jihads.

  81. Dave Says:

    That’d be a good idea for your next comic strip, Perry.

  82. Napoleon Says:

    I’m writing one called ‘Mullah Kintyre’, as it ‘appens. I reckon I’ve a 0.0002% of getting it published.

  83. charliemingles Says:

    can I suggest ‘mustapha carboot sale’ as your main character

  84. Swineshead Says:

    What’re those crazy muslim extremists up to this time?

  85. Dave Says:

    That’s quite genius actually. I was going to suggest something about Cat Stevens being all hilarious and a Muslim convert…

  86. Napoleon Says:

    Someone’s DARED to write a biography of Mohammed’s wife, apparently. This, as any good muslim will tell you, is an absolute OUTRAGE and the author of the book they’e offended by (but haven’t read, o’course) must die for their crimes against Islam.

    Blah, blah, blah …

  87. Swineshead Says:

    Someone’s DARED to write a biography of Mohammed’s wife, apparently

    Has it got any tits in it? If not, I’m not interested.

  88. piqued Says:

    ‘crazy Muslim extremists’

    Well-said SH. Let’s make it clear that the vast majority of Muslims are decent law abiding types, it’s just the extreme ones that are a bit, well, off.

  89. piqued Says:

    Again, not all Muslims will feel this way, just the extreme fellows that are a bit, well, reactionary.

  90. Napoleon Says:

    Soemone said it’s a bit of a Mills ‘n’ Boon style job. Violent epileptic with no sense of humour marries nine year old girl, girl grows up to be successful in her own right … y’know, the usual. I can see why the muslims are offended. How dare this author (a woman, no less) mention – in print! – that Mohammed had a wife! String her up! Burn the American flag! Bang on about Palestine again! Etc!

  91. Dave Says:

    And, it must be said, when making comments about Mohammeds tits we’re also offending the decent Muslims as well – and it’s Ramadam (sp).

  92. Goerge Says:

    If we all had the manners to listen to John Lennon 30 years or so ago, this mess we’re in now could have been avoided.

  93. charliemingles Says:

    I read in the paper at the weekend that sheik omar bakri mohammed’s daughter is working as a pole dancer. fucking hilarous. maybe god does have a sense of humour after all.

  94. Napoleon Says:

    “If we all had the manners to listen to John Lennon 30 years or so ago, this mess we’re in now could have been avoided.”

    And if John had practiced what he preached, we wouldn’t have found his risible little ‘Imagine’ song so fucking laughable, George.

  95. Napoleon Says:

    I read about that, Mingles. Hasn’t the ranting misery guts inadvertedly paid for her boob job?

  96. Goerge Says:

    ‘And if John had practiced what he preached, we wouldn’t have found his risible little ‘Imagine’ song so fucking laughable, George.’

    Ahem! He laid in bed for ages for peace! What more could he have possibly done?

  97. Napoleon Says:

    Hmmm. The second bed-in took place in 1969, the Vietnam War ended in 1975. Don’t know what difference the lazy bastard made, to be honest.

  98. Nick T Says:

    “Imagine no posessions, it’s easy if you try.”

    Not that easy if you’re sitting at your grand piano in your mansion……

  99. Goerge Says:

    To be fair though, that Buddhist monk set himself on fire in front of all those cameras and that did sweet FA.

    Better to light a candle then to curse the darkness, ay?

  100. Napoleon Says:

    Fuck that, George. Better to arm y’self to the teeth with guns, bombs, planes, tanks and servicemen’ and get in there with all guns blazing. Fuck sitting in bed for two weeks – Lennon and his screeching wife should have fixed bayonets and had at the Vietnamese with Great British fury. The jackbooted, sausage-guzzling swines.

  101. Dave Says:

    Let’s not compare a scouse blues imitator with self-sacrificing Buddhist monks. I don’t care how surburban you are, that’s never going to be the same thing.

  102. Napoleon Says:

    Back to Girls Aloud – I would bend that Cheryl over my knee and spank her for being a racist. “Naughty, naughty racist Cheryl,” I’d say. “Don’t you go attacking black ladies in toilets anymore, Cheryl, you filthy, naughty, DIRTY, dirty girl.”

    Then I’d give ‘er one on behalf of the Anti-Nazi League.

  103. charliemingles Says:

    NC: ‘Hasn’t the ranting misery guts inadvertedly paid for her boob job?’

    I never got that far Im afraid. I was too busy laughing and wanking self-righteously.

  104. Goerge Says:

    Dave: I was comparing the effect they had on the ‘Nam.

    IE: None.

  105. charliemingles Says:

    cheryls too styled and skinny these days. give me filthy-knickered danniiiii minouie any day.

    I’ll teach you how spell your name you mad filthy illiterate ozzy hoor.

  106. charliemingles Says:


  107. Napoleon Says:

    I could be wrong, Mingles. It would be good if he had, mind. I don’t know what muslim fundamentalists feel about fake tits, but I’m prepared to guess they’re not big fans. Mind you, if they’re anything like Catholic priests, they’ll thunder against such naughtiness in public, then wank ’emselves half to death in the privacy of their own homes. Religious types are a bunch of hypocritical shithouses.

  108. Napoleon Says:

    I’d discipline Cheryl more than I would Daniiiiiiiiiii. As far as I know, the other Minogue sister hasn’t attacked any black toilet attendants … or has she?

    If she has, I’ll smack ‘er arse black and blue. Then spunk on it.

  109. Dave Says:

    George – My apologies but I don’t like Lennon much. He used the ‘N Word’ in one of his songs which makes him a racist.

  110. Swineshead Says:

    Mingles rampant desperation has infiltrated the blog again, I notice. Can you try and keep your minds off your loins please?

    This sobering offering from that Sheik you mentioned ought to help:

  111. Swineshead Says:

    Mingles’ rampant desperation has infiltrated the blog again, I notice. Can you try and keep your minds off your loins please?

    This sobering offering from that Sheik you mentioned ought to help:

  112. Napoleon Says:

    ‘Woman Is The Nigger Of The World’? I think you missed the point of the song, George.

  113. charliemingles Says:

    NC – you old romantic you. theres no arguing that cheryl’s very very pretty and extremely cute. but minogue is much sexier on x factor.

    I can never imagine cheryl keeping the same knickers all day, never mind not changing them for a week like wot dannii obviously does.

    I suspect SH will bet intervening here soon, to stop all this filth.

    I am turning into (to coin a phrase) a darkwank, so must now leave the building.

  114. Napoleon Says:

    That photo should come with a health warning, Swineshead. ‘BEWARE: This photo is too darned HOT for young ‘uns or muslim fundamentalists to look at.’

  115. charliemingles Says:

    sorry SH. Its that MILF I mentioned to you before. on the other line.

  116. Napoleon Says:

    I could be wrong, but I think I found a pair of Cheryl’s knickers in a skip in Barnsley. The girl’s a racist disgrace.

  117. charliemingles Says:

    a disgracist.

    NC – I recognise the euphoria of a man who had just succesfully completed a difficult piece of work and is celebrating by talking about dirty girls. its the only way.

    magnifique sir.

  118. Napoleon Says:

    I put up a link to this photo on Clair’s site t’other week. I don’t think enough people basked in its magnificence, so I’m posting it here too.

  119. Goerge Says:

    Dave: I’ve got no opinion on him much. I like The Beatles, that’s about it. His solo stuff isn’t as good.

  120. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve just finished a silly picture, if that’s what you mean, Mingles. Much more important is the vast and incredibly unfair set of rules and regulations I’ve had to devise for my new game.

  121. charliemingles Says:

    that photo is fucking excellent. it may even have reduced my erection. superb sir.

  122. Swineshead Says:

    Cheryl Cole is renowned for making her knickers last for days on end.

    I heard word (about the bird) that on day one she wears them box fresh, then back to front on day two, then inside out, then inside out the other way, then upside down, then round about, then woah-oo, the okey cokey – (knees bent, arms stretched – raa raa raa).

  123. Swineshead Says:

    That’s a great photo, NC.

  124. Napoleon Says:

    That’s the only way to wear underwear, Swineshead. I would also recommend my method when it comes to socks:

    Day 1: Wear fresh socks.
    Day 2: Wear same socks.
    Day 3: Wear same socks.
    Day 4 : Wear same socks.
    Day 5: Wear same socks.
    Day 6: Spunk into socks, then put them behind sofa.
    Day 18: Forget you’d spunked into socks, wear same socks.

  125. Napoleon Says:

    It’s a cracker, isn’t it? Who’d have thought to dress up a dog as another dog? Hats off to the man (and let’s face it, it will have been a man) who came up with that idea.

  126. Swineshead Says:

    It’s dressed as a bunny, isn’t it?

  127. Dave Says:

    I sometimes use my socks to do the dusting.

  128. Napoleon Says:

    No. It’s a poodle.

  129. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – Socks are quite versatile, AND self-cleaning. I spilt a cuppa on the coffee table last week, used one of my socks to mop up the spill, stuffed said sock under the sofa, then fished it out and wore it yesterday. Saving the environment, that’s what I was doing.

  130. Goerge Says:

    *takes notes*

  131. Napoleon Says:

    We’ll have this Global Warming bugger licked, you mark my words.

  132. Dave Says:

    I’d worn the same sock three days on a trot this weekend. Went to a mates far too swanky apartment, got my nylon soul sacks out and everyone said they could smell cannabis. It wasn’t cannabis it was my stinky pair of socks – freshend with the latest Lynx thingy.

    One lass started smelling her pc speakers and declared it was that. It was me and my socks.

  133. Napoleon Says:

    Well done, Dave. I was at the cinema in August, and people started moaning about an ungodly stench. Little did they know it was my boots – contaminated by socks I’d worn over and over again for weeks on end. That’ll teach ’em to go to the cinema when I’m there. In my smelly boots.

  134. charliemingles Says:

    theyre certainly better than cillit bang NC. I buoght the stuff after the advert and its rubbish. couldnt clean the steam off my shite.

  135. Napoleon Says:

    I was beguiled by that stuff too, Mingles. I found it was alright at cleaning sinks, but totally inappropriate to use when cleaning semen off of the missus’s knockers.

    That’s one hospital trip I’m not likely to forget in a hurry …

  136. charliemingles Says:

    Just to clarify: Its only sexy when the dirtiness applies to a sexy young womans knickers. not old mens grumble-encrusted black nylon wanking socks.

    I wear clean socks every day. As I am an adult and a professional – and not a Darkwank.

  137. Dave Says:

    Sarsons malt vinegar will do what cillit does and more (go on chips). Just mix a squeeze of lemon and some hot water with it and get that sock dipped good.

  138. Napoleon Says:

    I like vinegar on chips. The problem is, you end up with a pool of vinegar at the bottom wetting your chips, whereas the salt only penetrates the top layer. Scientists need to focus on this problem instead of knocking particles into one another in an attempt to destroy the Earth.

  139. Goerge Says:

    I don’t even change clothes if I soil myself in a drunken stupor.

  140. charliemingles Says:

    nice to see the 70’s term ‘knockers’ making a much-needed comeback NC.

    Most girls have tits, but some women have what can only be described as knockers. you can almost hear the ba-yoooooing noise as you look at them.

    I used to work with a girl called brenda who had a pair straight out of a carry on film – arent they always called brenda, girls with yer actual bone fido knockers?

  141. Napoleon Says:

    70s knockers? They seem to have disappeared, Mingles. Gone the way of bosoms, alas, alas.

  142. Nick T Says:

    “Bristols” has also departed…..

  143. Goerge Says:

    And Norks. Alas, poor Norks.

  144. Nick T Says:

    My local paper anounced the arrival of “Corkney Rebel” Jim Racistson at our local theatre. He’s peddling some of his “comedy” dahn sarf.

    *rallies locals*

  145. Dave Says:

    ‘Cherry Bakewells’, ‘Bazookas’, ‘Titty Westingtons’.

  146. Napoleon Says:

    Maybe not, Nick. Only the other day I commented that a young lady that walked past me wearing hot pants and a very revealing top had ‘a lovely set of bristols’. This remark earned me a smack on the arm, as I’d absent-mindedly addressed it to my ill-tempered other half.

  147. charliemingles Says:

    jugs and bazongas have also alas, been put to sleep, alongside the hairy nether region – which I for one, miss greatly.

    All the girls in the porno mags Iread when I was 9 had hairy ones and I was so looking forward to getting my grubby little paws on one when I reached the age of maturity.

    Well, not maturity, but 16. they were arojd for a while, but alas, no more.

    girls, if youre secretly reading this and taking notes from us charming, intelligent alphamales here at WWM on how to be a real woman, take note:
    your man, if hes enough of a man, will love it if you stop shaving you bits. if he doesnt, hes a nancy boy and secretly likes it up the shitter. not that theres anything wrong with that. more left over for the lkes of us.

  148. Dave Says:

    CM has become the antichrist.

  149. Swineshead Says:

    It’s all gone a bit locker-room in here today.

    Look at you all – sitting around in your grubby towels.

    I’ve been at home sniffing glue.

  150. Napoleon Says:

    Not sure I agree with you on this one, Mingles. The hair removal fascism that’s taken over many a lady’s underpart has certainly made – ahem – oral sex a damn sight easier for a start. You used to need the navigation skills of David Livingstone to root through all that undergrowth. Now they’ve whipped it all off, you can get straight down to business without half an hour’s worth of fruitless foraging. And you don’t get hairs stuck in your damned teeth or at the back of your throat like you used to do. You need to move with the times, grandad.

  151. The Tombstone Says:

    ““Back in secondary school all the fuss was about Sex in the City.” it’s a -brilliant- quote from the friday’s blogpost. i don’t know why but i kind of like it, in a sort of catchphrasey way. i wonder to school the tombstone went to… in my secondary school all the fuss was about mongolia, pythagoras and world war II.”

    I went to a normal secondary school, in the 90s. I’m young and rather stupid, it’s a well known fact on here. I’m so stupid I don’t actually know if you’re taking the piss or not. I’m going to assume you are.

  152. charliemingles Says:

    NC/SH: I know. I need to get a girfriend. Bit backed up

  153. Swineshead Says:

    He’s not taking the piss Tombstone. He’s saying that culturally and in terms of age, your statement is sort of alien to him (he’s a Swede who’s older than you). Despite that, he likes the way the sentence sounds.

    It’s not too hard to work out, is it?

  154. Napoleon Says:

    On a different subject, we’ve got some half-arsed comedy festival going on up here next month. I was looking at the brochure, and was amused to see that all the positive reviews for that ponderous, right-on cunt Mark Steel came from The Guardian. How fucking predictable.

  155. Swineshead Says:

    He’s bearable Mark Steel. But a bit much, for my liking. Comedy should make you chuckle, not sneer. At least, not too much sneering. Sneering never did anyone any good, apart from restaurant critics who get paid to sneer in print. The utter bastards.

  156. charliemingles Says:

    the worst are tv critics. I hate those bast ….


  157. Dave Says:

    My mate had to help his boss prepare for a food critic once upon a moon at a very posh central Manchester place. They waited a week for the article and when it came out the fucker was spewing on about the latest Doctor Who series instead. I’d love a job in which you get to eat free posh food then write about Doctor Who for no seeming reason at all.

  158. Napoleon Says:

    Can’t abide the bugger. All he ever seems to do is hijack any point anyone’s made, and bring it round to the Iraq War or what-have-you. He’s the only comedian I can think of who doesn’t appear to have a sense of humour.

    Restaurant critics mean nothing to me. I don’t think I’ve ever read a restaurant review, as they seem completely and utterly pointless.

  159. Nick T Says:

    Can we coin a new term?

    “Credit Jamboree”

    All this crunch business just makes me think of biscuits.

    “The downturn in the ‘conomy is due to the credit jamboree”

  160. Nick T Says:

    Does one have posh in Manchester?

  161. The Tombstone Says:

    Swineshead, you know me, I find VERY simple things hard to work out. I’m glad he liked it though.

  162. Dave Says:

    ‘Does one have posh in Manchester?’

    What is this – 1972?

  163. The Tombstone Says:

    And has anyone else noticed how skinny the pidgeons are in Manchester compared to anyone else?

  164. Napoleon Says:

    I saw some pretty skinny pigeons in Norwich, if that ‘elps.

    They’re all backwards there, all of ’em.

  165. Dave Says:

    Yeah, pigeons tend to be fatterer than your average person I find.

  166. Nick T Says:

    You mean it’s NOT 1972?

    *hides knockers*

  167. The Tombstone Says:

    Woops, meant anywhere.

  168. The Tombstone Says:

    You should see the ones in Coventry, huge they are. They struggle to fly, just walk around panting and looking forlorn.

  169. Dave Says:

    Is it me or has this comments section gone all nonsensical?

    Tree of broom through flamed penguin,
    fat fish fingered nobbled crayon.

  170. The Tombstone Says:

    That was beautiful David.

  171. Dave Says:


  172. Clarry Says:

    “I like vinegar on chips. The problem is, you end up with a pool of vinegar at the bottom wetting your chips, whereas the salt only penetrates the top layer. Scientists need to focus on this problem instead of knocking particles into one another in an attempt to destroy the Earth.”

    NC – I too have this problem. The best solution I have found is to apply the salt to the chips first then the vinegar, which washes the salt down through the chip strata.

    Good luck to you sir.

  173. The Tombstone Says:

    I don’t they were that bad considering it was live, quite brave for people who are used to the studio cleaning everything up. Still pretty shit for girls who sell loads of records though.

    I like the vinegar at the bottom, you can dip the last chips and they’re all well vingary and shit.

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  175. Nick of the T Says:

    No, no I won’t

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