How does one sum up the contemporary female as viewed by the gutter press?

Well look no further folks, it’s here.

Being perpetually presented with media stereotypes of women, the new Heat advert is the perfect representation of all that is wrong with how we view the role of the young woman in today’s society. What is more disturbing is how this celeb crap is something women aspire too.

My favourite whipping boy (and she’s got a face like a bloke) is Jordan, the tit-waggling tart who, by a combination of self exploitation and sheer greed, has managed to make a fucking fortune by using the media to reinvent herself at the expense of her own family. As a role-model, the damage has already been done. Every other aspiring ‘celeb’ is only too happy to be seen, cosmetically adjusted for the purpose of the universal proletariat bloke, swaggering about wearing nothing but tooth floss in order to gain the attentions of the paparazzi.

But there is more. After the mutual exploitation has established a ‘celeb’, said celeb will often bite the hand that fed it. This results in violence – think Allen/Winehouse who regularly find themselves having to punch their way out of their own homes or clubs when the monster they’ve created turns to suck the very marrow out of their bones.

It has to be said that the violence is usually dished out by those that, to some degree, have earned their fame via talent (the likes of Jordan and Marsh couldn’t afford to spurn the attentions of the press) but obviously such behaviour keeps the artist in the public eye, which will ultimately result in record sales. young women are left with the notion that it’s acceptable for women to use their fists as well as their tits.

Now the Heat advert. Incidentally, Heat is nothing more than a paparazzi-landfill with a desire to do no more than poke its nose into the lives of those that jangle their enhanced privates / damaged emotions at cameras before dishing out gushing praise or more commonly, screaming vitriol, to nosy gossips and fishwives.

So, after being presented with a typical cover of Heat, an expose on some gits Lumpy Thighs’ for fucks sake, two women start to punch the crap out of one another.

We’re presented with the idea that Heat is of such value that two perfectly normal women are prepared to kick seven bells out of each other in order to read the last available copy. But even within the advert there is more bird-baiting, while these two fairly ordinary wankers roll about on the floor a model serenely plucks the magazine from the shelf looking down at the ‘ordinary’ pugilists with a certain degree of disgust.

Sort of says it all about the magazine, it’s content and it’s readers.

Actually, I could go on and on about this… but I won’t.

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33 Responses to “Heat”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    Great sense of humour on this bloke:


  2. Swineshead Says:

    I haven’t looked at Heat in years. Last time I noticed the front cover was just after Jade Goody’s cancer PR thing and it referred to her as ‘BRAVE JADE’. ‘BRAVE, RACIST JADE’ might have been more apt.

  3. badgermadge Says:

    *sticks hand up*
    I don’t want to be like any of them!

    Think the tweens/teens do, but anyone even slightly educated over the age of 21 doesn’t.


  4. indy Says:

    girls girls girls…

  5. Swineshead Says:

    Who said you did??

  6. piqued Says:

    I think BM is confessing to reading it

    I agree with you btw, not EVERYONE who reads it is a moron

  7. badgermadge Says:

    “What is more disturbing is how this celeb crap is something women aspire too.”

  8. badgermadge Says:

    I haven’t bought it in years. Our PA gets it (actually, she *is* a Jordan type now you mention it, but she’s 19) and I occasionally steal it. But I buy Look and the RT each week *cringe*

  9. Edna Welthorpe Says:

    Sorry to be BORING, but you’ll all be delighted to hear their circulation figures are falling, and hopefully, now Big Brother is down the dumper, heat may slip even further down the pan. Still won’t stop people lovin’ those slebs, though.

  10. Clarry Says:

    That Jade Goody cancer thing is truly awful isn’t it? How can a magazine as wafer thin as Heat cover an issue such as that? The symbiotic nature of the celeb-paparazzi relationship is well documented, but surely it has gone too far when they are camping outside the hospital while she has the chemo (although i’m sure JG ‘accidentally’ loses her appointment card a day or so beforehad).

    I’m not averse to trashy mags – I read Take a Break and That’s Life! religiously, but i’ve never read things like Heat or Closer. Knowing which celebs have orange peel arses just doesn’t appeal.

  11. piqued Says:

    I’m getting my tits done next week

  12. Nick T Says:

    One of the best written articles…

    This whole idea that if you court fame don’t be suprised if your house is surrounded by paps is a little trite. It’s an excuse for journo’s to behave badly. There is no excuse for acting like a stalker (pap) it’s unaceptable behavior.
    It all goes back to Diana Doors you know….

  13. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve got an orange-peel arsehole, is that the same thing?

    Heat ‘Towers’ (ie their offices) are on Shaftesbury Avenue by the way, should anyone fancy standing outside and punching anyone who leaves the building.

  14. Goerge Says:

    ‘Great sense of humour on this bloke:’


    If you ever see a nerd dressed as his favourite superhero wheexing his way towards you while muttering under his breath, you now know why.

  15. Goerge Says:


    I never knew that.

  16. Goerge Says:

    Now I know how that guy feels at the start of 28 days later.

  17. badgermadge Says:

    Oh, jesus. Not again…


  18. Swineshead Says:

    George – that Wire link is class.

  19. Swineshead Says:

    Badger – was going to do a NewsGush on that but as you can probably tell, I’m in a can’t be arsed sort of mood…

  20. Dave Says:

    These clebrities all deserve what they get. The overpaid arsefaces need to be hassled very single bloody day. You look at heat and tell me that half the ‘beach shots’ aren’t pre-arranged.

    By God, Diana herself even tipped off the paps when she felt the need.

  21. Swineshead Says:

    By God, Diana herself even tipped off the paps when she felt the need.

    Is that racist?

  22. Dave Says:

    No, it’s royalist – wait, that doesn’t work…

  23. badgermadge Says:

    SH – I think my comment is all you need, surely?

    Except with the addition that I BET YOU ANYTHING they’ll open his re-re-reentrance with “Ello Ma!”


    *head blows up*

  24. piqued Says:

    BM, my tail is wet with anticipation, even I will stoop to Enders for that

    Even I, The King of Englands

  25. Swineshead Says:

    ‘ello ma

    God I love Nick Cotton.

    *has sex with photo of Nick Cotton*

  26. piqued Says:

    *hits SH on the end with bible*

    Give me that pic you animal

    *has sex with photo of Nick Cotton*

  27. badgermadge Says:

    *hits Piqued and SH over head with pic of Nick cotton*

    Has sex with… self 😦

  28. Goerge Says:

    Who is Nick Cotton?

  29. piqued Says:

    type of material Goerge


  30. badgermadge Says:

    *wipes SH and Piqued man juice off self*

  31. Nick T Says:

    Stolen fabric….

  32. piqued Says:


    IN 9 MONTHS WE WILL RULE THE WORLDSZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. Swineshead Says:


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