NewsGush: CBB + Mini Me = Good TV?


According to DigitalSpy (who actually know about this stuff, rather than just picking it up and ranting about it like us), that little fellow who was in Austin Powers is going to be in Celebrity Big Brother next year.

Channel 4 are reviving the format after the race row incident put them in hot water all that time ago, and we’ll once again be invited to watch has-beens as they do nothing.


According to DS, other stars in talks with Endemol are:

  • Cliff Richard
  • Lembit Opik
  • Whitney Houston

Admittedly, of all these kinds of shows, Celebrity Big Brother is the most entertaining because we get to see stuff like this. And witness nasty goings on like this.

But, as with the pleb version, surely even it’s most ardent followers must think that the enterprise has run out of steam?

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143 Responses to “NewsGush: CBB + Mini Me = Good TV?”

  1. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Cliff Richard?? No way. I can’t see him in the Big Brother House. Not that I don’t want to, mind, I just don’t think he’d agree.
    Now, Lembit Opik and Whitney Houston – that is gold. Gurning Cheeky-bum Licker and Crack Whore. I’d buy that for a dollar!

  2. Swineshead Says:

    I don’t think Cliff would do it either. Besides, we’re past the point where it can actively restart a career now. It’s just a den of spite, that bungalow.

  3. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Mini-Me would be cool, though. I wonder how spiteful he is. I dunno why but I imagine him to be a real bitch.

  4. Swineshead Says:

    He’s only concerned with lady-loving. He ain’t got no time for spite.

  5. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I envy that little fuck. I do.

  6. ugeine Says:

    He was in that sex tape, weren’t he?

  7. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I was actually sure that he’d died. I am glad I was wrong.

  8. ugeine Says:

    I heard that about Wee-Man, TV. Strange that.

  9. Dave Says:

    If it has the people in it you’ve listed, I’ll watch happily. Frank Bruno too please.

  10. Clarry Says:

    Dave – I asked you a question on the previous page. Go see.

    Huzzah! Is Celeb BB really coming back? I love it. Would Whitney really do it though? Surely not…

  11. Dave Says:

    Clarry – Answered it for you!

    How funny would it be to watch Frank Bruno trying to ride a child’s tricycle? Endemol take note.

  12. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Maybe it was Wee-man? I hope not, though. I like him.
    I like midgets, me. Am I politically incorrect for liking them?

  13. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Frank Bruno, yeah. And Gazza! That would be awesome.

  14. Clarry Says:

    God, yeah Gazza would be acersz. He’d be guaranteed to break down in spectacular style. They have to have a clueless American in it too – Whitney would be Endemol’s master-stroke. Or what about some bint like Alicia Duvall – she’d be bound to put out on the telly.

  15. Dave Says:

    I’d like to think Keely Hazel’d would go on it.

  16. Napoleon Says:

    Toothed Varmint’s last comment has roused my suspicions.

  17. Swineshead Says:

    In what direction, NC? What’re you thinking… is he a spy?

  18. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I LIKE raising suspitions. And feeding them. I find it erotic.
    Eh, I wanted to say – stimulating, but typed before I had a chance to think it through…

  19. Napoleon Says:

    It was the use of the word ‘awesome’ to describe something that patently isn’t awesome, Swineshead. Reminds me of somebody …

    On another note: the buggers hadn’t even realised my rent was in arrears. Fucking typical.

  20. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I insist that it would be awesome. Gazza in the BB House? Are you kidding?!
    And I deeply saddened by the fact that I remind someone of somebody. My dream of uniqueness is shattered. I might harm myself.

  21. Swineshead Says:

    He’s not Tombstone – I’m sure of it.

    Gazza would be interesting for 20 minutes, then he’d start blubbing and not stop.

  22. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I don’t even know who Tombstone is. Wait, I remember seeing this name here (I’ve been reading this blog for a while). That’s not me. Do you want me to be Tombstone, Napoleon?

  23. Napoleon Says:

    The Great Wall of China – an awesome sight.

    An ex-footballer and full-time alcoholic having a nervous breakdown on live televison – sick shit enjoyed by morons.

    See? Nothing awesome about it.

    Speaking of the beautiful game – you have to admire Spurs’s incredible new management strategy. Lull the rest of the Premiership into a false sense of security by being beaten by half-assed sides like Hull City, then thunder into the Championship to become the 21st Century’s equivalent of Nottingham Forest. Fucking genius, that.

  24. Dave Says:

    The Great Wall was only awesome when David Copperfield walked through it MAGICALLY in the 1980s, you mad bugger.

    Copperfield for celeb BB!

  25. Napoleon Says:

    I never worked out he did that. People said mirrors, but I’m not sure. I’ve got a load of mirrors in my house, and none of them have given me the ability to walk through walls.

  26. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I thought we here morons are only here because we like to enjoy this here sick shit. I didn’t know that what we have here is a shining citadel of morality and good taste. I was wrong. Story of my life.
    I’ll show my true colours though – I don’t give a fuck about Gazza’s travails, but I am pretty sure that it would be proper car-crash television if he’s on CBB. Isn’t that what attracts people to this site? Does it make me callous? And if it does – what am I to do about it?

  27. MD Says:

    Right, I normally float along in semi-ignorance about these things due to seriously not caring and having a very small brain, but after the Jade debacle did they not say there was to be no more Celebrity BB? Hence the Celebrity Hijack vomitfest of this year?

    Or is this BB somewhere else and I am a mong?

    Eavesdropping type question to Napoleon: have you ever tried to walk through any walls? For all I know, I could happily pass through many walls, there are restricted ones I’ve tested.

  28. MD Says:

    Oops. I actually read all the words and it transpires I am in fact a mong.

  29. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I can pass through windows, even closed ones.

  30. Nick T Says:

    Mini Me, Jimmy Crankie, Ronnie Corbet, Gary Coleman and Hervé Villechaize (“Tattoo” on Fantasy Island).

    Now I’d watch that!

  31. Nick T Says:

    Channel 4 bought the rights to do BB for at least the next 4 years. They”re not going to cancel it.

  32. Napoleon Says:

    Toothed Varmint – I don’t think the site was set up to pander to people who enjoy watching mentally-ill people suffer nervous breakdowns live on television, no. I find the concept that someone would actually enjoy that sort of crap as unsettling as I do the idea of the Victorians’ tours of asylums. What next? Watching people shitting?

    MD – I’ve been drunk for at least 30% of my life; I must have tried walking through walls at some stage, yes.

  33. Nick T Says:

    Chose yours……

  34. Dave Says:

    They won’t cancel it but their plan b is to shove it on E4 where it fucking belongs.

  35. Nick T Says:

    John Noakes is 74 you know….

  36. Swineshead Says:

    Come on guys, let’s not fight, eh?

    There’s an article on BB so TV is talking about BB – there’s no harm in that, NC. Yeah?

    Come on, let’s have fun!

    BB belongs on E4, Dave – true enough.
    You belong in prison.

  37. Toothed Varmint Says:

    You are a much better person than me, Napoleon. I am properly desensitised. I’ve seen things, I’ve done things.
    I feel ashamed and chastised now. I love it!

  38. Dave Says:

    Why? That’s not very nice.

  39. Toothed Varmint Says:

    There’s no way I’m going to fight with anyone, let alone with Napoleon! I’m just trying to explain. TO MYSELF!!!

  40. Swineshead Says:

    Sorry, Dave. I overstepped the mark. Sorry. Sorry.

  41. Dave Says:

    SH – I mean, is this Minority Report or Timecop? If so I’m fucked. What do you know I don’t?

  42. Swineshead Says:

    You were spotted travelling back in time (in a Delorean) with Barry George to ask your younger (pre teen self) for sex.

  43. Dave Says:

    Yes. I admit it. But it isn’t a crime to have sex with your younger self. You agreed.

    That’s why I’m an advocate of cloning.

  44. Swineshead Says:

    You’re more sick than I previously believed you to be. Sicker even than the Toothed Varmint. (But less toothy).

    *smokes salvia*

  45. Napoleon Says:

    I sincerely doubt I am a much better person than you, Varmint. I have a thousand enemies snapping at my heels who’ll testify I’ve been a rotten egg longer than you’ve been alive. That doesn’t mean, however, that I enjoy indulging in the misery of others. Laughing at people who are too stupid or too damaged to realise how they’re coming across on TV strikes me as a bizarre and downright nasty way to spend your time. I used to do it too (Trisha, mainly) until I came to my senses and realised I was participating in the televison equivalent of bear-baiting.

    Sorry if this gets on your nerves, but culturally backwards filth such as Big Brother and all those other shows that revel in the misfortunes of others should be consigned to history for the good of us all.

  46. Nick T Says:

    And Rusty Goffe he was an fucking Oompa Loompa!

  47. Swineshead Says:

    Not content with wrestling with big business and the environment today in his own blog, warrior for decency, BP Perry continued his fight in WWM, confronting the evils of reality television with a succinct but heavily barbed swipe at BB.

    He conveniently forgot that everyone who takes part in CBB gets paided thousands and thousands of pounds, is completely in control of their faculties, and is aware of all the pitfalls when they sign that devil’s contract.

    Come on, NC – no need to be patronising and holier than thou is there? Let’s leave judgement at the door on this one.

  48. Swineshead Says:

    YES! ‘Paided’!

    What of it?!

  49. Nick T Says:

    And C3PO.

    All them shorties AND John Noakes (74)

    Now we have a show!

  50. MD Says:

    I think you’ll find it’s paidified

  51. ugeine Says:

    *cock in hand*

    So is Mini Me in that sex tape or not? It’s kind of urgent…

  52. Toothed Varmint Says:

    That’ll learn me.
    Napoleon, thank you. However, let me say a couple of words in my… not defence, but as some sort of explanation.
    As I said, I’ve been reading this site foe a couple of years now. I really like it – the stile, the spite, the vitriol and the wit. Frankly, I never watched the vast majority of programmes discussed and berated here but having started reading the articles I decided to check out what all the fuss is about. So, see, I started watching shit TV because of this site, mainly. Kinda perverse. And I found that it is much better to watch this kind of shows knowing that the next day a new arsehole will be torn for them here. And maybe I am a bit too enthusiastic about that.
    Actually, you are right. It is sick to gaffow at mentally incapacitated. I was just trying to show how fucking cool I am. So, thank you for chastisement.
    Thank you very much and sincerely.

    Don’t do it again, though.

  53. Swineshead Says:

    I wouldn’t worry about it, TV. I think NC’s been suffering toothache so long it’s made him think he’s Jesus.

  54. Nick T Says:

    I’ve started eating KFC for some reason…..

  55. Napoleon Says:


    Anyway, just because Gazza would be ‘paided’ a large sum of money to appear on CBB, it doesn’t negate the argument. He, in his enfeebled state, would not be capable of understanding the deal with the devil he would be striking, and that’s what makes this sort of thing so vile. We’re supposed to protect people like this from themselves, not parade them around on television for our own twisted amusement. What the fuck does this say about our modern society that we’ve got to the stage where we can blame our base indulgences on the subject of those indulgences, excusing our grim fascination by saying, ‘Well, they took the money’? When did looking after those who are no longer able to look after themselves get tossed out of the window?

    Why not round up the likes of Gazza and Frank Bruno and Barrymore, strip them of their clothes, put them in a pit and pelt them with shit? The result would be just as humiliating as seeing these previously beloved personalities talking to themselves in mirrors to satisfy some sort of national schadenfreude.


    Mrs. Mary Whitehouse

  56. Napoleon Says:

    And I don’t think I’m Jesus. I thought I was Jesus last year, if you remember.

  57. Swineshead Says:

    I’d already self-mocked about ‘paided’.

    You gotted there too lated.

    Obviously I see your point, but your own brand of humour’s hardly spotless when it comes to the mocking of celebs, is it?

    You’ve got previous, boy.

  58. Dave Says:

    Is Jade Goodie still dying? Cos I’ve just bought a 4 acre truffle plot and it needs some attention.

  59. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Barrymome isn’t mentally feeble, oh no. He is crafty.

  60. Toothed Varmint Says:


  61. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Was it the video with Mini-Me and Paris Hilton? Or is it just wishful thinking?

  62. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t tend to mock people who end up in mental asylums though. I leave that to Channel Four and its interesting decision to become the channel of choice for those who enjoy evisceration of the mentally unfortunate.

    You mark my words, they’ll be burning live animals next.

  63. Toothed Varmint Says:

    They’ll be raping apes, that’s what they’ll be doing.

  64. Napoleon Says:

    I believe that one’s already been covered by BBC3 – the channel specifically developed for the sort of character who sees nothing wrong with playing music out loud on public transport.

    Contrary to everything I’ve just said, I’d watch those bastards being torn apart by lions live on BBC1.

  65. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Speaking of BBC3, I am still reeling from the truly unbelievably vile shit by the name of “Coming of Age”. Words fail me, which is unfortunate, cos otherwise I’d write a really angry review.

  66. charliemingles Says:

    I’m away again for a week, performing my annual shamanic magic rituals in the mojabe desert. See you next Tuesday.

    Until then:

  67. Napoleon Says:

    Is Coming Of Age the much-advertised new sitcom from the team that brought you Two Packets of Lager and a Packet of Crisps? If so, your first clue to its shitness lay in the riddle:

    ‘From the team that brought you Two Packets of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.’

    Next time, pay attention to the clues, Varmint.

  68. Dave Says:

    Just had a script accepted for a secondary revisal! Truth.

    Mark Speight on Ice.

    I’ve told them not to keep me hanging.

  69. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I knew, I knew. That’s the tragedy. Even my most dreadful expectations paled into insignificance before the actual item. You think Two Pints is bad? You ain’t seen NOTHING yet.
    This show stirs something in me. I think it’s called “homicidal rage”.

  70. Napoleon Says:

    They’re advertsing ‘Finding Nemo on Ice’ up here. How does that work? The fish need to be under the ice, not on it!

  71. Toothed Varmint Says:

    You could freeze the fish in a block of ice and then slide it on ice. With strings.

  72. Dave Says:

    I know. have you seen the pictures? Rubbish. They have grown people dressed up as fish with the eyes looking like Minni Mouse’s tits on them. Big white lumps on the chest.

    I thought Finding Nemo on ice’d be a packet of Findus Fish Fingers.

  73. ugeine Says:

    ‘You could freeze the fish in a block of ice and then slide it on ice. With strings.’

    I would pay about £60 to watch that.

  74. Napoleon Says:

    Sounds a bit crap, doesn’t it? Anyway, these ‘on ice’ things are a waste of time. I went to see ‘Beauty and the Beast On Ice’, and the sex-scenes were shockingly bad. Her knees kept giving out when she was trying to give him a blowjob, and he slipped over and cracked his cock in half during the buggery scene. A waste of mine and my four year old nephew’s time, quite frankly.

  75. Dave Says:

    My bastard grandparents forced me to watch that crap on ice. What a load of poo.

    Edwards Scissorhands on ice sounds good though. Cos what that poor shit really needs is two more blades, right?

  76. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Frankly, I don’t understand this fascination with “on ice”. What gives? Why ice? I would much rather watched it on some other medium. Say “Lion King on a Trampoline” or “It Ain’t Hot Mum on Sand”. Actually, the latter would be kinda cool on ice, no pun intended.

  77. Napoleon Says:

    I never took to Tim Burton’s stuff. No buggery scenes, no blowjobs, nothing. One I watched, right, had a dead bloke making him off of Ferris Bueller singing Harry Belafonte songs! You couldn’t make it up!

  78. Dave Says:

    ‘You couldn’t make it up!’

    Well you can and he (Tim Burton) bloody well did! Or was that the joke….I’ve lost my bearings.

  79. Napoleon Says:

    I’d pay to watch ‘Lion King on a Trampoline’. ‘Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em in Beans’ would be a laugh too. Imagine the scrapes and pratfalls Frank would encounter as he fruitlessly searched for employment if there were all beans on the stage?!

    If I met Michael Crawford, I would say ‘Oooh, Betty’ at him.

  80. Dave Says:

    I’ve never gotten over the fact Crawford played The Phantom of the Opera. He should have performed it on rollerskates.

    That’s correct. The Phantom on Skates.

  81. Badger Madge Says:

    “surely even it’s most ardent followers must think that the enterprise has run out of steam?”


  82. Napoleon Says:

    I also would say,

    “Ooooh, Jessica’s done a whoopsie on the carpet!”
    “Oooh, Betty, the cat’s done a whoopsie on the carpet!”


    “Oooh, Betty, I’ve shit all over the floor!”

  83. ugeine Says:

    He does one that has something fish in the title. He still hasn’t given me the two hours of my life back. You know when you want to punch everybody on screen?

  84. Swineshead Says:

    If I saw Michael Crawfords I’d point at him and shout CONDORMAN at him at the top of my voice, and with needless aggression.

  85. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Michael Crawford would make you stand in his presence. And curtsy. He likes deference. And he deserves it, goddamnit!!

  86. Napoleon Says:

    Do you reckon Frank was a wife-beater? Betty always struck me as a very nervous woman …

  87. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Phantom on Skates. Now I know what I want to see. Nay, what I need to see!

  88. ugeine Says:

    How about Irreversible on Ice? That rape scene would be a chuckle.

  89. Swineshead Says:


    I don’t think he beat her (no visible bruising) but he more than likely damaged her psychologically speaking.

  90. Napoleon Says:

    The only thing I remember about Condorman was getting some free stickers (or something like stickers) in that cereal they used to advertise as if it was pirate ships afloat on a sea of milk. They made the outrageous claim in the ad that the cereal NEVER went soggy. Quaker made ’em.

  91. Dave Says:

    Philadelphia on ice?

    Could be trouble there, actually. If one of the sods cut themselves the place would be evacuated. I don’t care how delicate their appreciation of classical music is.

  92. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Ugeine, you have vision, sir. Only thing – her tummy would be all cold. Helth and safety, you know.

  93. Swineshead Says:

    *is now struggling to remember the name of the cereal NC’s mentioned at the expense of his own sanity*

  94. Napoleon Says:

    ‘Memento On Ice’ would be challenging. And ‘Ice T, Ice Cube & Vanilla Ice On Ice’ would be an interesting spectacle.

  95. Napoleon Says:

    What was that bloody cereal called? I used to eat it all the time.

  96. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Dad’s Army on Ice. Just let them mill about and fall arse over tit.
    Or “Last of the Summer Wine”. On ice. In bathtubs.

  97. Swineshead Says:

    Can I just point out that Irreversible is a shit film (apart from the bit where that bloke’s head gets caved in with a fire extinguisher at the beginning and the bit at the end with Monica B’s knockers – though even that was tainted by what came before in the tunnel thing (except it came after in real life, if you get my meaning)).

    Anyway – it was shit.

  98. Napoleon Says:

    Last of the Summer Wine On Ice would be a fucking disaster, Varmint. A cavalcade of broken hips would put paid to the show after one performance.

  99. Toothed Varmint Says:

    The worst thing is that it was the wrong bloke’s head that got caved in. Bloody French.

  100. Toothed Varmint Says:

    But what a performance! A proper send-off to a British institution.

  101. Dave Says:

    Is Irreversible that one where he gets beaten in the head in a bar, SH? IS THAT THE ONE?

    The Yellow Wallpaper on Ice? Huh? That’s a highbrow gag…..too highbrow…

    Downfall on ice.

  102. Napoleon Says:

    I forgot to mention that my idea for Ghostbusters III has been turned down by Hollywood. What’s so wrong with exploring the sexual side of the aged Ghostbusters’ lives, that’s what I want to know? These Hollywood vermin with their narrow-minded ideas about what makes an ‘acceptable’ movie …

  103. MD Says:

  104. Swineshead Says:

  105. Swineshead Says:

    MD – you’ve cracked it. I wish I had a prize to give you. BUT I DUNT

  106. Swineshead Says:

    NC – Please elaborate on the Ghostbusters pitch.

  107. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Hm. I wonder if they’re going to behead this swimmer. You never know with the Japanese.
    I love the Japanese, by the way.

  108. Napoleon Says:

    ‘Downfall On Ice’, eh? Hmmm ….


    “Mein Furher! The Russians are …”


    “… nearing our position! We must …”


    “… evacuate Berlin immediately if we …”


    “… stand a chance of … WOAH! SHIT! ME FUCKING ANKLE!”

  109. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Is StayPuft Man’s sexual side going to be explored? If yes, then I am all for it. I’ll even lobby the idea.

  110. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Salo on Ice.
    That’s it, I’m out of ideas.

  111. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – It gets lonely sometimes when four men find themselves on ghostbusting duty …

    … so they bum each others’ bums.


  112. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I thought there were three. Men.
    Or do you also count Rick Moranis?

  113. Dave Says:

    Tagline: In a world of ghosts the only thing haunting them was THE BUMSEX’.

  114. Napoleon Says:

    You’re forgetting Winston Zedmore, Varmint. As he’s the black Ghostbuster, that makes you a RACIST.

  115. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – My idea was – ‘It’s time for another kind of BUSTING’.

  116. Toothed Varmint Says:

    No, I… I remember him, that’s warden Leo from Oz! I forgot Harold Ramis, that’s it. Im not a racict, I am an antisemite, it looks like. Oh well.

  117. Napoleon Says:

    Or you could have:

    “The only thing they’re busting this time … is their ASSES!”


    “Busting makes ’em feel loose!”

    Basically, anything that involves the word ‘busting’ in reference to man love would do.

  118. Swineshead Says:

    Egon was a key Buster – you forgot Winston because he was a late arrival? That would’ve been a better defence. He only busted because he wanted a job. He didn’t care about spiritual academia like the rest of them (apart from Bill Murray who just wanted to score with chicks).

  119. Dave Says:

    ‘Slimer’s just got a whole new meaning’

  120. Napoleon Says:

    The only other thing I remember Ernie Hudson appearing in was ‘The Substitute’ – a ball-busting Tom Berenger actioner from the 1990s. Ernie played the corrupt headmaster of the school … and that means I’ve just ruined the film’s central plot twist if you’ve not seen it. Better make amends for that …


  121. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I didn’t forget Winston! He’s my favourite, actually. Or was. I havent seen the film in ages.
    You obviously know your Ghostbusters here. But I do know my Back to the Future and my Indiana Jones!

  122. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Ernie Hudson also played a retarded gardener in “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle”, where evil hussy Rebecca deMornay done him bad. And, of course, Oz. I can’t believe you don’t associate him with that great show.

  123. Dave Says:

    TV – Question: How much wronger is the plot idea of going back in time and fancying your own mother than four Ghostbusters bumming like broken-in cavetrolls?

  124. Toothed Varmint Says:

    And er… Was Tom Berenger in “The Substitute”? I am pretty sure it was Treat Williams. No, hey, you’re right, I’m thinking of “The Substitute 2”.

  125. Dave Says:

    The Substitute’s the one with EL PRINCIPALE in it? ISN’T IT NC? THAT’S THE ONE?

    Wait…that’s The Principle.

  126. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – The only thing that’s wrong is the homophobia that lies at the heart of your last post. You see, we enlightened folk see nothing wrong with two, three, or even four strapping young (or old) gentlemen indulging in bum fun. You do … and for that a new list should be drawn up immediately.

  127. Dave Says:

    You can bum women. Women can bum men. The list remains in the drawer.

  128. Napoleon Says:

    Varmint – I suggest you don’t test me on my action movies.


  129. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – But you seem to think there’s something wrong with the activity. Look at your comment, and realise what you’ve written, you homophobe.

  130. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Dave, if it’s just fancying, then why not? That’s vanilla. But if you actually start doing something about it – that’s your standard Greek tragedy right here. Actually, there’s also something Greek about four men bumming each other. All classical situations. Read your Aeschylus and your Sofoclus!

  131. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Ooh, ooh, a challenge! I loves a challenge, me! And movies!
    Hours of fun ahead, I anticipatingly reckon.

  132. Napoleon Says:

    Speaking of mums, apparently John Barrowman still sleeps in the same bed as his mum and dad from time to time. Now I’m all for this new age intimacy that’s infested modern British families, but how the hell do you square waking up with an erection pressed against your mum’s leg?

  133. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Or your Dad’s… I feel slightly ill. Only slightly, mind.

  134. Napoleon Says:

    Or your dad’s, indeed. I would be horrified – HORRIFIED – until the day I die at the thought that my mother knows the girth and length of my member because she’s felt the bugger creeping up her thigh one cold and ghastly morning.

  135. Toothed Varmint Says:

    That’s a truly horrific thought, Napoleon. Truly horrific.
    I never liked that Barrowman anyway. Not in a gay way, you understand. He is quite a dish in a gay way, at least that’s what I’ve been told by blokes who know such things.
    But he doesn’t strike as a wholesom, trustworthy, hale and hearty fello. And your info only reinforced my suspitions.
    Oh, and I’ve never watched Torchwood. I bet I’m the only one such freak here.

  136. Napoleon Says:

    And what if you fart, and yours and your mum’s buttocks are meeting at the time of the fart, and she effectively ‘eats’ your fart up her underparts?

  137. Toothed Varmint Says:

    That is, if she is wearing any underpants…

  138. Napoleon Says:

    Underparts, not pants. Think about that.

  139. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Sorry, underparts. I am in a world of my own here, imagining…

  140. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I feel sufficiently traumatised now. It’s been a good day.

  141. Napoleon Says:

    Glad to be of service! Toodle-pip!

  142. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I’ll come back for more, you can count on that. Cheerio for now.

  143. Dave Says:

    I think homosexuality is perfectly normal and a part of nature and all that stuff but does it deserve to be in childrens film? Well, yes. But not the heavy, panting Ray on Egon shit Perry is after. I have to make that distinction. They’d be shoving ghost traps up each others already stretched rectums and I don’t Bill Murray could take the strain these days.

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