The Friday Question: Breakfast TV


Morning all! Bright and early on Friday the tenth of October, 2008! It’s a beautiful day out there so rise and shine and let’s talk breakfast TV!

It’s a difficult balance for a breakfast TV presenter. On the one hand, they have to be chirpy and cheerful, otherwise they’ll give the audience the worst possible start to the day. The last thing anyone wants to see first thing in the morning is a presenter who’s as hungover as you and looks like they’d rather be in bed.

On the other hand, if they’re too frenetic and colourful, they risk annoying the hell out of your watching eyes. So next time you switch on BBC Breakfast or GMTV, spare a thought for the poor sods as they negotiate this highwire tripwire…  

BBC Breakfast and GMTV appear to be all we have these days. Gone are the days of RI:SE (with news presented by the incredible Zora Suleman) and some might say ‘thank God for that’ – Edith Bowman was a bit much to handle first thing, after all.

After a lengthy run by anyone’s standards, The Big Breakfast died a long time ago leaving a chasm in its wake which, ever since, hasn’t been filled.

Do you miss the days of Denise and Johnny? What cartoons did you used to enjoy first thing? Do you remember Chris Evans’ bubble bursting? Was he having big sex with Gabby Roslin? If you saw Eamon Holmes in the street, would you kick his legs off? I would.

Can you give us your thoughts on Breakfast TV?

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214 Responses to “The Friday Question: Breakfast TV”

  1. Dave Says:

    The Asian girl that used to present Breakfast, as well as hilarious ‘The Big Question’ woke me up with more than a smile until she left for BBC News (24). The hoor.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    What was her name, Dave?

  3. Dave Says:

    I actually have no idea. She had a rocky panda eye thing going on though.

  4. Nick T Says:

    Breakfast tv was something I watched when I was on the dole 20 years ago so I don’t have an opinion either way. I sippose it serves some king of purpose.

    In other news I downloaded the Dirty Fan Mail album I spoke of yesterday.

    I encourage anyone in need of a laugh to do like- wise.

  5. Swineshead Says:

    That amply demonstrates your view of women… misogynist.

  6. Badger Madge Says:

    Johnny and Denise were the Golden Era of Morning telly… *sigh*

  7. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve heard that Dirty Fan Male thing. Amusing.

    What were you doing up at breakfast time if you were signing on? Doesn’t compute.

  8. Dave Says:

    Or my view of rolling news presenters…istist.

  9. Swineshead Says:

    I miss Johnny & Denise, Badger. Big Breakfast, for all its many flaws, was good TV I thought.

  10. charliemingles Says:

    Dont be ridiculous. anyone sensible was in bed at that time. breakfast television indeed.

  11. Do I not like that! Says:

    Yes…add me to the freak list…I have never watched breakfast TV. Radio 4 all the way.

  12. Swineshead Says:

    Bullshit – the early bird catches the worm. Enjoy spending your life in torpor, you lazy bastard.

  13. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I used to like Johnny and Denise.
    Now I like Radio 4.
    I am NOT AT ALL original today.

  14. charliemingles Says:

    finally got round to watching cloverfield. what a fucking turkey. the first twenty minutes when you meet the self-satisfied fuckwits and cant tell them apart is only eclipsed by the rest of it. utter shite. I was bored and irritated 10 minutes in.

  15. Swineshead Says:

    *wishes he’d never asked*

    Toothed Varmint, to avoid everyone either saying:

    ‘Hey – check me – I don’t get up in time for Breakfast Tv because I’m so fucking cool’


    ‘Television? No thankyou! At that time in the morning I like to listen to smug arsehole John Humphreys getting pithy with a flapping civil servant because I like to appear educated’

    …could you tell us some Russian jokes?

  16. Do I not like that! Says:

    Hey did anybody read Clarkson’s article in The Sunday Times on current TV. For the first time, I agreed with him.

  17. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I must be easily pleased. I thought Cloverfield was all right. It’s only about 80 minutes long, which is not that long.
    I liked those glimpses of the monster.

  18. Do I not like that! Says:

    Actually yesterday we spoke with Mick Jones about the new Clash album..Live at the Shea stadium. And today we had John Cale talking about Nico. Oh yes, times have changed on R4.

  19. Swineshead Says:

    Sounds rocking, Mikey. But far, far too high brow for that time in the morning. I’d rather have a bit of news rather than listen to old rock stars waffling on. There’s a financial crisis, in case you hadn’t heard.

  20. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Swineshead, I understand, but I told the truth! Big Breakfast with Johnny and Denise was the only breakfast TV I’ve ever watched and liked. When it stopped I stopped watching breakfast TV. So I answered the question and contributed to the general conversation in a small way. It’s not about being cool, honestly. That’s, actually, such a British thing – to assume smugness and presumed superiority in your counterpart. When I’m being smug I project it unmistakably. There’s nothing to be smug about in the fact that my experience of breakfast TV is somewhat limited. So I wasn’t being smug, just dull.
    Russian jokes? They went down like a lead balloon yesterday, but I shall make amends. Let me think of one.

  21. charliemingles Says:

    SH: Yo shuold be glad you have such cool and sophisticated readers. remember – the customer is always right. Go with the flow.

    Do In not like that: Yes, mr clarkson is often maligned but is a very good columnist in my view.

  22. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I’ve just remembered a joke about a gynaecologist which is very crude and politically incorrect on more that one level. You are not wery politically correct here, are you?

  23. Napoleon Says:

    Remember the rubbish they had on Channel Four before The Big Breakfast? It was some sort of extraordinarily dull news / politics show that used to show new Magic Roundabouts at about 7:00 (the ones Nigel Planer did). That was such a boring show.

  24. Toothed Varmint Says:

    And I mean “wery”!

  25. Swineshead Says:

    I do remember that, NC – with Dermot Muuuuuurrrnurrrghan.

    I may not have commented, TV, but I enjoyed the Russian jokes. German jokes are also interesting, and vaguely amusing. It’s good to see the angle different nations come from.

    I wasn’t really getting shirty Mingles, I was only playing.

  26. Napoleon Says:

    Was it Dermot on it? It was so dull, I can only remember the studio containing lots of red metal and the Magic Roundabout. Bloody rubbish.

    I’d go along with Johnny and Denise as the best presenters. It went right down the pan when she left and they got that Kelly Brook in. And when he left, remember the wirey fella with the glasses? Never saw him again.

  27. piqued Says:

    I agree, J and D have never been better.

    I remember when they brought in that clothes horse Kelly Brook, my word that woman is as thick as a bulls dick.

  28. badgermadge Says:

    Tried listening to Wogan when I was doing my massive commute (five hour round trip, up at 5am, home at 9pm) but his relaxed tones just sent me to sleep. Unfortunately, it was Moyels in the mornings for me for two years. *shudder*

  29. Swineshead Says:

    Wirey fella…. glasses… doesn’t ring any bells.

    Other stand in Big Breakfast people were… that bloke who does the Wife Swap – What Happened Next? show on E4, some bloke who looked like Toby Anstis and a Manc bloke who’s a pretty good compere at Jongleurs.

    Nevermind The Buzzcocks last night made me laugh a hell of a lot. I’m not ashamed to admit it.

  30. badgermadge Says:

    Anyone got a link for that Clarkson *lazy*

  31. badgermadge Says:

    got it *not lazy just annoying*

    sorry. very tired today.

  32. charliemingles Says:

    me too SH.

    *hugs everyone*

    Im afraid my usual morning listening used to be sarah kennedy.

    my work here is done.

  33. Toothed Varmint Says:

    The Buzzcocks were excellent last night and Stephen Fry fit right in.

  34. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Why doesn’t anyone like Eamonn Holmes? What has he done that was so appoling?

  35. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve not laughed so hard in ages, it was strange. None of the guests were arseholes, that helped.

  36. Swineshead Says:

    Eamon Holmes?

    a.) Supports Man U (in an obnoxious manner).
    b.) Is a wobbling, smug sofa-bound twat.

  37. Do I not like that! Says:

    Badger Madge..try this one…

    It’s 2008….

  38. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I wasn’t aware of a), but I understand. And, actually, I fully agree with b). It’s just that everyone seems to hate him disproportionally. Just a fat twattish bloke, so what? Chris Moyles is tons worse in my opinion.

  39. charliemingles Says:

    No one took the bait with my sarah kennedy reference. darn it.

    Did I mention that I eventually started to enjoy her ‘Song from a Musical’ at 7.20?

    I should add that I had a 2 hour morning commute back and forward to glasgow every day, so getting home around 9pm and getting up again at 6 – you dont want anything in the least taxing first thing.

    Radio Quiet is definitely the way to go.

  40. Napoleon Says:

    Just read that Clarkson piece. Harry & Paul is the best television comedy since Monty Python? Fuck me, is he going senile?

  41. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Sarah Kennedy was BBC2 and very dull as I remember. I thought you were joking, Charlimingles.

  42. Napoleon Says:

    Mingles – I can’t handle somebody that scatter-brained at that time of day.

  43. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Fuck Clarkson.

  44. Napoleon Says:

    Fuck him? No thanks.

  45. Swineshead Says:

    Can I just spunk in his curly mop?

  46. Toothed Varmint Says:

    With a broom, then. I just can’t stand the twat. So much so that I can’t watch QI if he is on the panel. I tried to read this article of his but had to stop after a couple of sentences because my teeth were grinding.
    I don’t even know why I loathe him so much.

  47. charliemingles Says:

    I agree over the harry and paul reference NC. Clarkson does sometimes go a bit mental.

    The image of spunking in his curly mop reminds me too much of my ex. the two images together. too hideous.

  48. Swineshead Says:

    Just read the article – I like the fact that Clarkson misses the irony that Top Gear is complete fluff about a completely turgid, anachronistic subject with a herd of idiots in the background chuckling at unfunny gags. He makes a great argument for axing his own toss.

  49. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t mind him. I’ll tell you what I like more though – sausages. I love sausages, me. I like sausages more than a dog likes sausages.

  50. Do I not like that! Says:


    That point is made in the comments section.

  51. Dave Says:

    Harry and Paul is for bigots and xenophobes. Wasn’t it championed on WWM a while back? Gunning on the same side as Clarkson, eh?

  52. Napoleon Says:

    Nothing wrong with Top Gear, Swineshead.

  53. mostlylouche Says:

    ‘is complete fluff about a completely turgid, anachronistic subject with a herd of idiots in the background’

    something something A FOOTBALL PROGRAM*, the one with the chap with the stupid pointy hair.

    *This would be funnier if I could name the program

  54. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – Blah blah blah.

  55. Dave Says:

    The Filipino community would having something to say about that ‘blah blah blah’ because they’re extremelly offended about the content of the show.

  56. Napoleon Says:

    Are they? Ah well. I’m sure they’ll get over whatever it was Harry & Paul have done with a bit of councelling and a group hug.

  57. charliemingles Says:

    NC – Im having blackpudding sandwiches with ketchup and mustard. May I salute the northeren genius who invented such a fine food. Of course, we gave the world the delicious red and white pudding supper’s and the glorious barbequed king rib, so it all balances out.

  58. Napoleon Says:

    Mingles – The white pudding is a monstrous abomination. No wonder it hasn’t travelled.

  59. Swineshead Says:

    Yes Dave – the same way the Kazakhstan government didn’t quite ‘get’ Borat.

    You’re a fuckwit and potential rapist, by the way.

    Louche – fair point – there is far too much football on the terrestial channels, I concur. Though many wouldn’t.

    Oh – and Dave – sorry for not reading the comments section of an article I didn’t agree with. Except I’m not. You complete cock.

  60. charliemingles Says:

    Sir! You may malign my race. But malign the honour of the noble white pudding at your peril.


  61. Do I not like that! Says:

    “Too much Football on the terrestial channels”
    Have I missed something….?

  62. Dave Says:

    SH – You’re a hypocrite, I would say. You attack Clarkson for doing the very same thing you chortle at sat in that middleclass ivory tower of yours. Let’s laugh at other cultures because they’re all daft! Brilliant one, that. Very intelligent.

  63. piqued Says:

    speaking of offensive, wtach this then read the last comment

  64. piqued Says:

    or even watch it


  65. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Here’s this joke. Don’t know whether it’s particularly Russian, but that’s where I heard it. In fact, my Dad told me it.

    There’s a trial of a prominent gynaecologist who is accused of a gruesome murder of a minor. The people’s judge addresses the accused: “You a famous specialist, a respected professor, a pillar of the community. How is it possible that you committed such a horrible senseless crime?”
    The professor answers: “As you know, I am a gynaecologist. I’ve been a gynaecologist for over 20 years. All I do is look into vaginas on a daily basis. Day in day out I look into vaginas. That’s what I do. I have a family – my wife, her mother who lives with us, and two daughters. The day in question started badly and only got worse later on. First thing in the morning my wife asked me to check her out, she thought she had a genital wart. Then my oldest daughter asked to fit her with a spiral. Then (it’s all before breakfast!) my mother-in-law… I can’t even talk about it. Then I fitted a cap into my youngest daughter and left for work. It was an OAP day in the clinic so I spend several hours looking at old biffers. I had to deal with a couple of rather serious uterine prolapses, which was grim. Then I went to the maternity ward and ‘till the end of the day I was mending vaginal rips and tears. So I’d spent all day shoulders-deep in minge and just wanted a quiet fag and a beer in the park. So I was sitting on a bench smoking, trying to chase the hideous images of vaginas from my mind and then this little Gypsy girl came to me and said: “Mister, gimme a rouble and I’ll show you my mimsy!”
    I just saw red mist”.

  66. Napoleon Says:

    I’ll malign the filth you Scotch monstrosities eat all I like, thanks very much! No wonder you all keel over dead at forty, you fat-guzzling, drunken chimpanzees. Let’s put it to the vote, shall we?

    The white pudding is:

    Oatmeal, suet and ONIONS rolled into a sausage and deep-fried in batter.

    So, readers, is that an abomination or not?

  67. Swineshead Says:

    Just saying I agree with those folk who say that there’s too much football on terrestial TV Mikey. I happen to be that rare beast who

    a.) Likes football
    b.) Thinks those who want to watch it should fork out for it and watch on specialist sports channels. Apart from major tournaments and finals.

    It’s not a divine right, after all. And a game of football is long and dominates the schedules unfairly – making a mess of the scheduling.

  68. piqued Says:

    That’s very partisan of you SH -I agree of course

  69. Swineshead Says:

    Dave – your assertion has been addressed (with you being proved to be a blithering arse) in the Harry and Paul thread from weeks ago. Go and reread it because I’m not telling you twice.

    Did you wake up and think ‘today I’m going to be an objectionable twat in the internet’? Give it a rest.

  70. charliemingles Says:

    NC: out of sheer boredom – I agree.

    Piqued: that ad reallt is quite offensive. whats worse, its cliched predictable and not in the least amusing.

  71. mostlylouche Says:

    Dear Swineshead,

    Please can you get a job in charge of the BBC


  72. Swineshead Says:

    TV – That’s bizarre. Would your pals all be guffawing at that down the pub?

    *asks question whilst perched on the middle-class ivory tower Dave imagined*

  73. Napoleon Says:

    You see? Even you can’t bring y’self to defend this vile foodstuff! What annoys me about white pudding is the buggers give unsuspecting English travellers no warning as to its contents. They could at least put up a sign on the chippy wall – perhaps next to the bottles of booze and the packets of cigarettes?

  74. Dave Says:

    I thought I was making a legitimate point regarding TV’s current approach to comedy. That’s all I was doing. But I do remember RI:SE being fucking awful – both formats.

  75. indy Says:

    omfg. clarkson has children. who did he rape?

  76. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Swineshed – yeah, they would and did…
    There’s a chasm between our cultures when it comes to gynaecological jokes, I guess.

  77. piqued Says:

    Steady on Indy

  78. Do I not like that! Says:

    I really think there is too little football on terrestial. MOD highlights, European Cup on Tuesdays and Five on Thursdays for the UEFA, with some FA Cup ties from Jan.

    Do not forget it is the Sky money that has distorted the game.

  79. Swineshead Says:

    Dave – just reread your comment and am concerned that you’re actually slightly thicker than pigshit.

  80. charliemingles Says:

    *hugs Napoleon*

    No. Just cant think of anything funny to say about it unfortunately. I love white pudding. Has anyone else on here ever tasted it? I think you can only get red pudding in Fife. thats delicious.

  81. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I’ve never even heard of white pudding. It sounds unappetising.

  82. mostlylouche Says:

    Do I not like that – Really? Imagine if it was, religious programs taking up that much time? Football seems like a religion to some, and if it’s not your bag it can get a bit much, daddy-o.

  83. Napoleon Says:

    *reads Varmint’s joke*


  84. mostlylouche Says:

    Napoleon – is it worth reading? I lost interest when I saw how much text was involved.

  85. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I am willing to give it a go next time im in Edinburgh. Is it possible to buy white pudding in Edinburgh?

  86. charliemingles Says:

    Dave: are you going for ‘suicide by internet?’

    Its like Suicide by Police, but I warn you – it takes fucking years and years.

    What happened to the new Dave? You should have taken my offer of counselling sir. Ive fixed far worse than you.

  87. Swineshead Says:

    Varmint’s joke is incredibly dark.

    *Thinks about Russian’s in a whole new light*

  88. piqued Says:

    It’s not really a joke though is it, just nasty

  89. indy Says:

    piqued: clarkson pretty much sums up the reasons why i left britain. if i had to choose between the nazis and clarkson i’d probably choose the alternative that had a proper haircut.

  90. Do I not like that! Says:

    Well ok….but as all I see on the schedules is complete crap like DIY, property pornography, bb bollox and all sorts of other crap…the amount of football pales into insignificance.

  91. charliemingles Says:

    Varmint: that joke appeared in a much more abbreviated form in an episode of Friends where Rachael tries to chat up a handsome gynaecologist, played by I think someone from ER.

  92. Dave Says:

    My comment was as informed as it was penetrating. Try to be a little humble every once in a while.

    ‘Oh, look at those Polish girls with their weird Polish accents and backwards attitudes’.

    Is that funny?

  93. Napoleon Says:

    Mingles – I ate white pudding under false pretences. My Scotch guide assured me it was just a big sausage. The lying bastard. Nearly threw up my entire digestive system …

  94. charliemingles Says:

    Varmint: yes it is. Give it a try. Its the vegetarian option in chip shops. Delicious.

  95. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Swineshead, that’s hardly dark. In time I’ll tell you dark. I just don’t want to totally spoil your first collective impression of me.
    Honestly, that’s not dark, that’s vanilla. My Dad told me that joke and my Mum was present.

  96. piqued Says:

    Indy, rape and Nazi ‘gags’, we’re on form this morning

  97. charliemingles Says:

    Its the mark of a cultured and sophisticated man of the world that will try new things NC.

    *tips hat*

  98. piqued Says:

    CM, veg option? It contains suet..

  99. Swineshead Says:

    Piqued – what’s your beef with Indy? Is it because he’s Swedish? What’ve you got against the Swedes?

  100. Napoleon Says:

    Don’t listen to him, Varmint! This is how they get you onto their monstrous diet! The next thing you know, you’ll be reeling round the slums of Glasgow trying to walk off the effects of four bottles of Buckfast, stuffing deep-fried pizza into your poisoned mouth and roaring about the fucking English bastards.

  101. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Wow, I didn’t know about Friends. I am not a fan. But they probably had a writer with Russian roots or something.
    Or maybe it’s not a Russian joke.

  102. Napoleon Says:

    I didn’t know they had vegetarians in Scotchland.

  103. piqued Says:

    I didn’t know where he was from, why, does that make a difference?

  104. indy Says:

    piqued – i mix my müsli with razors and sharp pieces of metal on friday mornings. that’s my weekly treat.

  105. Swineshead Says:

    My comment was as informed as it was penetrating. Try to be a little humble every once in a while.

    ‘Oh, look at those Polish girls with their weird Polish accents and backwards attitudes’.

    Is that funny?

    Oh look – he carries on regardless.

    Dave – for fuck’s sake. It’s hard to square the depressed, self-deprecating persona that writes your blog with the weakly argumentative character that turns up here.

    The conversation moved on about 3 weeks ago. Harry & Paul is neither great comedy, nor massively offensive. Find something else to burble about.

  106. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I’ve never been to Glasgow which is strange, considering that it’s twin city is my hometown Rostov-on-Don. In fact many years ago the first Brits I saw were Glaswegians (some delegation or other). For quite a while I used to think that THAT was English accent.

  107. Dave Says:

    SH – Fine. I’m sorry.

  108. charliemingles Says:

    Varmint: thats an old gag. In the Friends version he says to Rachael after she’s been pestering him for a date something like:

    DOC: What do you do for a living?

    RACHAEL: I’m a waitress.

    DOC: So when you come home at night, I guess the last thing you want to see is another cup of coffee?

    (In reality of course, he would fuck her brains out. But thats not quite so funny)

  109. charliemingles Says:

    NCL: Glasgow isnt Scotland. Anymore than London is England. Or newcastle is england. Or manchester is england. were all different, see?

    I thought a man of the world like yourself would know that.

  110. Dave Says:

    There’s a video on YouTube of Friends without the laughter track. It’s an utterly sobering experience, I can tell you. There aren’t so much jokes, more words.

  111. Swineshead Says:

    Piqued – Yes it does. If you are Swedish you are allowed to call Clarkson a Nazi rapist. It’s in the WWM FAQ I’m writing.

  112. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Risking to appear even more unpopular, I actually agree with Dave. I find Harry and Paul patronising and offensive. And not funny, which is far worse.

  113. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve never watched an episode of Friends. Considering it was the biggest show of the 90s, I reckon this is a considerable achievement that should win me an award and a free holiday to the Spanish port of Santander.

  114. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Harry and Paul reminded me of some early 90s Hale and Pace show, where they had a sketch along the lines that Russians are queuing for hours to buy a single potato or some such shit. Basically – weird poor foreigners with their funny problems. It is not good when Paul Whitehouse reminds one of Hale and fucking Pace.

  115. charliemingles Says:

    I disagree dave. Okay, the characters are often smug and it went on too long, but purely from a writing point of view I think it was, at its best, very good. But I have no interest in defending it beyond that, I can see why people find those sort of shows annoying.

    From a media sociological point of view …

    * Swineshead sits up in his seat. Everyone else slits their throat*

    … this show is important in that it is perhaps the first sitcom to ‘blossom’ into the hybrid soap/sitcom genre. So the running storyines about will they/wont they relationships keep people tuning back in, rather than the usual sitcom convention of resetting everything back to zero at the end of the episode. Or ‘no hugging, no learning’, as Larry David noteably put it.

    I’m wasted here SH. wasted.

  116. Swineshead Says:

    I think finding Harry and Paul offensive is being oversensitive. Some people don’t.

    As for the unfunny aspect – apart from episode one, I’m onside with that.

    Because of Dave and Swedes, I’ve totally missed the Scotch conversation.

    Hey ho.

  117. indy Says:

    sh and piqued

    “Piqued – Yes it does. If you are Swedish you are allowed to call Clarkson a Nazi rapist. It’s in the WWM FAQ I’m writing.”

    …and that’s because that all swedes are east german communists at heart (but sexy) and the fact that, to quote aa gill, our “swedish rapists use condoms”. bearing that in mind clarkson is a legitimate target for my hate promoting foreign rants.

  118. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I’ve also never watched a full episode of Friends. The opening titles with that song put me right off. Dancing in a fountaing, shit.

  119. Napoleon Says:

    *reads Charlie’s last comment*

    What’s this psycho-babble? Got a degree, have we? PONCE!

  120. Do I not like that! Says:

    I must admit I like the Cafe Polski stuff in Harry and Paul.

  121. Dave Says:

    *pitch for Friends*

    What kind of shit is giving us the most money from advertising?

    Erm, make-up, wine and tampons.

    Shall we make a sitcom called Friends that’s about Friends being Friends then?

    Would make sense, yeah.

    *the rest is history*

  122. Napoleon Says:

    What’s a ‘fountaing’? Does it fall into the same family as hicken?

  123. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Well, not really offensive, I agree. Not in that sense. But still crap.

  124. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Fountaing, huh? That’s pretty. I am such a wordsmith!

  125. Do I not like that! Says:

    Actually Charlie, Cheers (prior to friends) fulfilled the criteria that you speak of.

  126. piqued Says:

    Indy. My apologies, I didn’t realise you were Swedish when I made those rape and nazi comments…


  127. charliemingles Says:

    NC: It takes all sorts. We cant all have the drive and gumption to drop out of art college, you know. Some of us have this pesky ‘completion’ thing.

  128. Napoleon Says:

    I liked it when she was going on about meeting Molly Sugden, but then when Molly Sugden turned up, she KILLED Molly Sugden!!!! I’m a lady! Want that one! I’m the only gay in the village! But he’s not the only gay in the village!

    Can’t WAIT for tonight’s show.

  129. Swineshead Says:

    Piqued’ll be there for you when the rain starts to fall.


  130. Napoleon Says:

    Mingles – I didn’t drop out, I was thrown out. People who complete art college ‘degrees’ are laughable twerps.

  131. charliemingles Says:

    Do I not like that: Not really.

    The Sam/rebecca sam/ diane stuff was always secondary. You never heard young trendy people talking about it at work the next day ot trying to dress and act like the twats in wine bars at the weekend. Running storylines isnt quite the same thing.

  132. Swineshead Says:

    Buzzcocks was alright last night, eh?

  133. Swineshead Says:

    People who complete art college ‘degrees’ are laughable twerps.

    Is that today’s sweeping generalisation? It’s a good ‘un.

  134. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Not just dress and act, but have the same haircuts. I had three girlfriends in a row with the same “Rachael” on their heads.

  135. Napoleon Says:

    It can be if you like.

  136. charliemingles Says:

    I agree SH. All the best artists I know got a third-class degree or left to join some annoying indy band.

    *To avoid boring everyone, has no interest in defending friends any further*

  137. piqued Says:

    Fry totally made it.

    I loved the interaction between him and that American pop-fellow

    ‘What do you think, Dear?’

  138. indy Says:

    piqued – friends.

    when outer party member winston smith arrives to his home the only show on tv, apart from hate propaganda and five year plan results, is “friends”. prole feed, it’s called.

  139. Napoleon Says:

    I liked that haircut. Better than the ludicrous 80s styles a lot of women are sporting nowadays. Or those ones that make ’em look like they’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.

  140. piqued Says:

    Jolly good show, nice to meet you

  141. Napoleon Says:

    Not too much Buzzcocks, please? I’ve got it on my V+, like.

  142. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Buzzcocks. I didn’t know who the American boy was. And the comedienne woman. Oh, and the actor, coz I havent’ seen Mamma Mia and the Dutchess.
    Stephen Fry’s presence made up for, though.

  143. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I can’t type properly. I am cold.

  144. Do I not like that! Says:

    Charlie, OK …I see what you mean there.

  145. charliemingles Says:

    I havent watched Buzzcocks for many years. Mark Lamaars ‘ oh Im so bored with this’ shtick made me scream ‘so are we you tedious cunt’ at the screen.

    I hear Simon Amstell is quite a funny likeable guy though. So I shall watch this on iplayer, also for Mr Fry – who despite being old and fat is the only man I would let up inside me.

  146. piqued Says:

    I must say I did prefer Lamarr

  147. charliemingles Says:

    Piqued: that spinal injury of yours has obviously affected your brain man.

  148. indy Says:

    …and i prefer amstell.

  149. indy Says:

    …but lamarr had better hair.

  150. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Amstell, definitely. That’s why I started watching Buzzcocks again.

  151. Dave Says:

    SH – Stephen Fry actually made the post-Llamar era funny for once. A return to form it was.

  152. piqued Says:

    My spine is fine at the mo CM

    Lamarr was a little more dry, I like Amstell mind you

  153. piqued Says:

    Christ, Dave is agreeing with me

    *slits throat*

  154. indy Says:

    did anyone see the car crash like show when “bloke from kaiser chiefs” took over? that was awful…

    or the episode when they had that poor old witch bonnie tyler on it.

  155. Dave Says:

    *inserts winkle into gap in throat and tries to guess the song Piqued’s gurgling.*

  156. Swineshead Says:

    Lamarr was dreadful towards the end, turned into a parody of himself – unwatchable.
    Amstell has made the show worth watching again.

    Dave is wrong, AGAIN!

  157. Toothed Varmint Says:

    *inserts winkle into gap in throat and tries to guess the song Piqued’s gurgling.*

    And they called my little story “dark”. The hypocrites!
    Is “winkle” what I think it is? And I think “cock”.

  158. piqued Says:

    I saw the Bonnie Tyler one, sounded like she’d been eating your Museli Indy

  159. Dave Says:

    SH – You were the right age for The Word. You should worship Llamarr. Amstell was better used on Popworld.

    Search youtube for the video of him as a kid on Gamesmaster. He plays some Mega-Drive tennis thing.

  160. piqued Says:

    …speaking of Bonnie Tyler I happened to look round just as a bottle of steaming piss hit her on the nose at The Reading Festival a few years back which then spectacularly broke.

  161. charliemingles Says:

    how could anyone watch lamaar in those last few series’?

    He was obviously bored and couldnt get out of his contract, hoping to be sacked. The contempt he treated the audience and viewers with was utterly self-indulgent and tedious.

  162. mostlylouche Says:

    Was it your wee?

  163. Toothed Varmint Says:

    What happened to Lamarr, by the way? Haven’t seen him on TV for ages. Not that I wanted to, but still – is he even alive?

  164. indy Says:

    piqued: indeed. and that was the best part of her appearance. if she could turn up, make that noise and then walk away with dignity, then it would be just fine. now she behaved like a drunk aunt at a funeral.

  165. Swineshead Says:

    The Word WAS my Friday night when I was 13 – 14. Because of the bands, mainly.

    Lamarr was occasionally alright on it, but mostly an arrogant cock.

    I do agree on the hair though. Good hair, just a shame he was a cock.

  166. Swineshead Says:

    Mingles, I’m so with you on this we’re almost wearing the same pair of pants simultaneously.

    TV – I think he’s on the radiop now – Wikipedia will give you a vaguely truthful account if you care enough about the barking, short-tempered greaser to research.

  167. piqued Says:

    It wasn’t my wee, no

    There was some objection to her being there that I agreed with but breaking the womans nose with tinkle was a little bit extreme I felt.

  168. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Swineshead, thanks. I won’t bother reading up on him. Just vaguely wanted to know whether the twat is still around.

  169. Napoleon Says:

    Varmint – He fills in for Jonathan Ross on Radio 2 when Ross goes on holiday (usually every two weeks). He also has several Radio 2 shows of his own.

  170. Dave Says:

    Llamarr had a brillinat rock ‘n’ roll show back in the day. I wonder if he’s still doing that now…

    I loved his attacks on both the crowd and the guests in the final series. That’s what made the show for me and Amstell tries his best, but fails, to mimic it.

  171. indy Says:

    turn around, bright eyes.

  172. Napoleon Says:

    He does an alternative sixties show on the radio, Dave.

    I didn’t care for him on the latter series of Buzzcocks. Treating the whole thing with that much contempt when there’s plenty of folk who’d kill to be doing / be earning what he was doing / earning was shitbaggery of the highest order.

  173. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I’ve got a question, it’s been bugging me for days – what was the name of an Australian sitcom which was shown on BBC2 seven or eight years ago? It was about a middleaged couple, she was English, I think, and he an Aussie, and he worked in some sort of garage. It was funny, a bit like Kath & Kim, but not as broad. I am sure I’ve seen it, but no-one I ask is able to remember it. Any thoughts?

  174. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Oh, I see, Radio 2. That’s why I lost track of him. I’m yet to discover the delights of Radio 2.

  175. Napoleon Says:

    Varmint – Was it Terry & June?

  176. Napoleon Says:

    “I’m yet to discover the delights of Radio 2.”

    Be warned: Steve Wright lurks on Radio 2.

  177. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Er, no, not Terry and June. But it had two names in it, I seem to remember.

  178. charliemingles Says:

    Lamaar’s spots filling in for Jonathan Ross alongside the tedious Jo Brand (nice woman, shiiiiiiiiiite comedian) killed off the show for me.

    he also is the only radio 2 dj pathetic enough to do a live show on christmas day and so has turned into alan partridge. the limited shelf-life of the comedian turned tv presenter can be well-studied if you chart the careers of jo brand and mark lamaar.

    Pay close attention Alan ‘ ooh, ive had someones cock up my arse, isnt it risque’ Carr.

  179. Do I not like that! Says:

    Bruce & Sheila.

  180. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Steve Wright! Thanks for warning. I think I’ll wait till he is sacked or dies, whichever comes first.

  181. Napoleon Says:

    “the limited shelf-life of the comedian turned tv presenter can be well-studied if you chart the careers of jo brand and mark lamaar”

    Yes. Bob Monkhouse was a flash in the pan, wasn’t he?

    Paul O’Grady? Get your coat!

  182. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Rob Brydon in “Annually Retentive” summed Jo Brand up quite brilliantly. She is funny, but not TOO funny. Just right for a nice panel show.
    That was a good programme, “Annually Retentive”.

  183. Napoleon Says:

    Brucie? You’re FIRED!

  184. charliemingles Says:

    theyre old school NC, so embraced mainstream work, which has far longer shelf-life.

  185. Toothed Varmint Says:

    See? Even you, TV-people (by that I mean people who know their TV) don’t know or remember this Aussie sitcom. But I know I saw it. It’s so frustrating.

  186. Napoleon Says:

    Well perhaps you should have made that point, Mingles?

  187. charliemingles Says:

    Whats up with you NC? I didnt realise my casual comments were being studied quite so methodically.

    hand your work in to Swineshead at the end of the day. I’ll mark your essay.

  188. Swineshead Says:

    No wonder we’ve got this lurking silent maj/minority… we do come across as pithy, argumentative bastards on these threads.

    I’m so proud of us. Genuinely.

  189. Napoleon Says:

    Very clever. I was merely pointing out that your statement of fact was, in fact, bullshit. You’ve read this site before, haven’t you? The way people pick up on what other people say? Noticed that, yes?

  190. Nick T Says:

    Grouch Marx finished his career presenting a game show.

    Thanks you….

  191. Swineshead Says:

    Oh, look! A new thread!

  192. Napoleon Says:

    Wow! Where did that come from?

  193. Do I not like that! Says:

    Q: What’s the capital of Iceland?

    a: About £4.50

  194. charliemingles Says:

    Youre too easy NC.

  195. Napoleon Says:

    Fuck off, Mingles.

  196. charliemingles Says:

    Bit oversensitive arent you NC?

    The phrase ‘ gives it but cant take it’ springs to mind.

    What the hell. I forgive you anyway, you loveable grump.

    *ruffles NC’s hair*

  197. Napoleon Says:

    Gives it but can’t take it? And you’ve based this on what evidence? I think even a cursory glance over the life of WWM will show you I’ve given and taken my fair share from intelligences far greater than yours, Mingles.

    And if you ruffle my fucking hair again, I’ll tear your arm off.

    *pats hair back into place*
    *more of it falls out*


  198. ugeine Says:

    SMTV live!

  199. Napoleon Says:

    Is that classed as breakfast telly? I always thought it had to start at seven and end no later than nine thrity?

  200. indy Says:

    does the wright stuff count for morning?

  201. indy Says:

    weeeell, some things in loif are bad, they can really drive you mad… etc

  202. Napoleon Says:

    It’s daytime TV, not breakfast TV. I think the difference is is that proper working folk don’t see daytime TV.

  203. Swineshead Says:

    I very infrequently catch daytime TV on a sick day and it’s as alien to me as an alien from outer spaces.

  204. Napoleon Says:

    See? Daytime TV is anything working people only see when they’ve caught a life-threatening virus from the pub the night before. Breakfast TV is the thing you watch first in a state of shock after being rudely awoken by an alarm clock, and then in a half-arsed way just before you leave as you sit on the sofa contemplating the vast chasm that lies between the ambitions you had for your adult working life, and the grim reality of how its actually turned out.

  205. Dave Says:

    I wonder who had the tightest snatch in their prime – Gaby Roslin or Denies Van Outen. Hmm.

    *goes to the toilet*

  206. Napoleon Says:

    In her prime, I’d have stretched to TWO steak dinners, TWO bottles of wine (maximum price: £10 each), and a £5 book token to spend on the book of her choice to secure the hand of fair Denise.

    Roslin would have been lucky to prise a chip butty out of me.

  207. fourstar Says:

    Correct. Van Outen looks dirty. Roslin just looks simple.

  208. Dave Says:

    Gaby has her charms as well. Not much else would make me wank into a sock whilst watching Children in Need – a feature regarding molested children, specifically.

    Wogan couldn’t do it.

  209. indy Says:

    outen it is. wait a minute: isn’t milhouse, of simpsons fame, named van outen? relation?

  210. Napoleon Says:

    Doubt it, Indy. Millhouse is a cartoon.

    Denise always struck me as the sort of girl who would be ‘open to suggestions’, if you get my meaning?

  211. indy Says:

    pardon a humble swede who’ve never opened a single “hello” or “gracia” but didn’t she hang out with one of worst men walking on earth, the horrible jay kay?

  212. Napoleon Says:

    She did. There’s no accounting for a lady’s taste, Indy.

    Though I suspect millions in the bank helps sway her decision …

  213. indy Says:

    napoleon “In her prime, I’d have stretched to TWO steak dinners, TWO bottles of wine (maximum price: £10 each), and a £5 book token to spend on the book of her choice to secure the hand of fair Denise.”

    so i guess that wouldn’t swing it. it’s more likely to get a night with the dvo from a silly over-the-top 80’s car, a ridiculuos hat and some stevie w ripoffs.

  214. Napoleon Says:

    Never underestimate the power of a steak dinner and botttle of wine (up to the value of £10), Indy.

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