NewsGush: Harry Bored of TV


TV Burp marvel, Harry Hill has revealed that he no longer watches the box for fun, according to information nicked off DigitalSpy who nicked it off the Radio Times…

It’s easy to see why.

“It’s quite a painful process because there’s no limit to the amount you can watch. If you’ve got workaholic tendencies, you can always say, ‘Yeah, I’ve got an hour to spare. I’ll watch another Wife Swap.’ It’s very boring for my wife.”

…he says.

TV Burp deals with the absolute minutiae of the most humdrum scenes- a kettle in the background of a drama that resembles a dog’s face, a throwaway comment about shoes or, more notably, a soap stars face that appears to deflate on demand. The pause button on his Sky+ must be absolutely knackered.

The good news is that a new series of Burp – the only quality output on ITV – is coming soon. They clearly know they’ve a winner on their hands judging from all the bill posters across London and the number of promotional billboards on the street. It’s a good, old-fashioned Saturday tea-time treat.

Not sure the ‘fiiiiiiiiight!’ catchphrase can last another series, mind you.

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198 Responses to “NewsGush: Harry Bored of TV”

  1. Nick T Says:

    I love Harry Hill.

    He used to be a stand up comedian you know….

    I miss that about him.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    He was a good ‘un. But I suppose life’s a bit easier for him these days, and we can’t begrudge him that.

    Before Harry Hill we had to put up with Tarrant on TV so we should be very grateful. Brooker’s not bad at it but he’s not a natural comedian…

  3. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Harry Hill bored of TV?

    What are the chances of that happening, eh?

  4. Swineshead Says:

    Whatever happened to his little brother Alan Hill?

  5. A Female who is definitely not ugeine (not at all) Says:

    Harry Hill is a beast. I like him lots.

  6. Swineshead Says:

    Is that you Dave?

  7. Nick T Says:

    I saw him at Glastonbury years ago.

    I belive the phrase is “tour de force”.

    My first nasty comment on my beautiful blog

    Me, wanking, indeed…..

  8. Dave Says:

    No it isn’t. There are still a few lows I wouldn’t stoop to, one of them being immitating Mr Ugeine, immitating a lady that’s definitely not Mr Ugeine.

    It’s Ugeine.

  9. Swineshead Says:

    It’s not Ugeine. It says it’s not.

  10. charliemingles Says:

    Your spelling really is terrible Dave.

    Nick – it’s a sign that your bringing in the readers when people start calling you a wanker. I pay Dave to do it at least twice a week on my blog.

  11. Dave Says:

    Does it? Well, that is a quandary.

    Must be me then. Does it say it’s not me? If not it is.

  12. charliemingles Says:

    It must send Harry mental watchng that much tv. I’m bad enough after a few months. Only Swineshead has the stamina for this.

  13. ugeine Says:

    Hello, I’ve been in a place where there are no computers for about fifteen minutes. Did I miss anything fun?

  14. Dave Says:

    Your is different to You’re, Mingles. You professional writer, you.

  15. Swineshead Says:

    I drug myself heavily before going outside of BBC channels.

    Having said that, getting through most BBC3 output requires a ketamine mainline to the cock.

  16. Nick T Says:

    Thanks Charlie. I have just re read my blog and he may have a point. Anyone that knew me wouldn’t think that.
    He/she/it may change thier mind when/if they read my next blog when I’ve finished it.
    I’ve lost 3pound and the headaches have stopped.
    It’s a good day……

    *waves weekly ala’ “Polly” pretending to be “Sybil” in the FT ep where she leaves Basil*

  17. Dave Says:

    CM – What did I spell wrong anyway? Imitating? Well, I’m a half-wit and I don’t have the safety net of a Firefox spellchecker at work. Besides, I have little to no appreciation for that grammar thing either and that hasn’t bothered you. Wanker.

    Send the cheque in the post.

  18. Swineshead Says:

    Boys, boys, boys… stop this senseless fighting. As I once said to General Custer and a red indian chief.

  19. badgermadge Says:

    anyone who loves badgers is a friend of mine…

  20. ugeine Says:

    Hats of to the badger, they never fight, apart from for territory, and mating rites.

  21. Napoleon Says:

    A threat to cattle, ain’t they? Gas ’em, that’s my advice.

  22. Swineshead Says:

    Badgers are marvellous. There’re far too many cattle in the world anyway – they’re destorying the world with their toxic farts.

  23. Dave Says:

    I think badgers are all communists. Socialist scum.

  24. Napoleon Says:

    I thought it was us destroying the world with our carbons and our footprints?

  25. Dave Says:

    Apparently Top Gear is being blamed for global warming, but that doesn’t make sense to me. It’s an hour show a week so the time off-set, or ‘offsetting’ must balance everything out.

    (c) Davejokes ltd 2008

  26. charliemingles Says:

    Dave: thanks for the ‘wanker’. You’re earning your wages.

    I don’t really give a fuck about your spelling – knock yourself out.

  27. Swineshead Says:

    Nothing to do with us. It’s (and I say this with no authority and having done no research) down to the following.


    Cows – 68%
    China – 20%
    Starbucks – 11%
    Us leaving TV on ‘standby – 1%

  28. Napoleon Says:

    You forgot:

    The Sun – 80%
    Environmentalist gasbaggery – 10000%
    Alan Gore – 20,000,000%

  29. Dave Says:

    *rubs winkle-wonka on CM’s left shoe whilst laughing at SH’s genuinely funny gag there*

  30. Swineshead Says:

    I don’t see what The Currant Bun’s done wrong? That beacon of journalism has done everything in its power to highlight the world’s woes. ‘STARBERKS’ – hilarious. And relevant.


  31. Do I not like that! Says:

    Starberks and the like, only make me realise that my fellow countryman knows absolutely nothing about what a good coffee should be. “Starberks” sums up the clientele as they sup their overpriced brown soup.

  32. Dave Says:

    COSTA COFFEE was the best one they did, referring to rising coffee prices.

    It’s what we call an innate pun: a pun so good it actually isn;t a pun at all.

    Only a handful of tabloid journos can pull it off.

  33. Napoleon Says:

    Talking of rising coffee prices, remember when there was a worldwide coffee shortage and the prices went up. Strangely, they never went down. Weird that, eh?

  34. Swineshead Says:

    One of the most profitably commodities you can get into selling, the humble cup of coffee. Costs fuck all to make and then you charge an arm and a leg for it, so much so that you can afford to pay huge water rates.

  35. Swineshead Says:

    Yes – ‘profitably’.

  36. charliemingles Says:


  37. Swineshead Says:


  38. Napoleon Says:

    Apparently the most profitable commodity is popcorn.


  39. Swineshead Says:

    Popcorn makes sense. I can see why that is a profitably commodity.


    ‘very sexy and calm ,fucking,necked movie’

    £5 is winging its way to the lucky pervert who typed that into Google and found us talking about coffee and cow-farts.

  40. Dave Says:

    Popcorn? I thought it was those little foam plane/gliders you bought in a packet as a kid and slided together. You remember them, everyone. They were shit.

  41. indy Says:

    i used to work in a starbuck store. i felt like a storm trooper. i was more or less just waiting for the moment when the heroes storms in and gun me down while swapping one liners.

    “my” starbucks was in the city. on evenings pakistani bankers used to hang out there and snog. one time there was a scotsman getting a footjob, discreetly done under a finacial times, by his pakistani girlfriend.

  42. Napoleon Says:

    I remember them. You always got ’em at castle giftshops and what-have-you. Flew for about ten centimetres and then crashed to ground killing all on board.

  43. piqued Says:

    SH, Nappers, chaps

    Good afternoon

  44. Napoleon Says:

    How do you know they were Pakistani? Ever thought they could be Bangladeshi? Or Indian?

  45. Napoleon Says:


  46. charliemingles Says:


  47. Swineshead Says:

    Good point, NC. Indy would go on my enormous racist list, but he won’t, because his story was so erotic it distracted my Stalinist-liberal tendencies with filthy foot-jobs.

  48. Dave Says:

    I know. Invested in a larger, rubberband-driven beast once – I think it was a Spitfire MkII. Farted itself veritcally into an oak tree, and that was that.

  49. Swineshead Says:

    Mingles – Rev. Spooner would be proud of you.

    P – Afternoon.

  50. Nick T Says:

    Thanks SH, you know what a delicate bloom I can be

  51. Swineshead Says:

    Those polystyrene planes were shit. They always seemed to be the main fixture when it came to prizes in a shitty tombola.

    Whatever happened to the humble tombola?

  52. Napoleon Says:

    They were rubbish. You always got crap stuff from stately home giftshops / battlefields / visitors’ centres etc. Remember those shitty pewter knights and roundheads you got in a plastic tube arrangement? Or those rubbers that left a big red smear all over you exercise books? I can’t ever recall getting anything halfway decent from one of those places.

  53. Swineshead Says:

    No worries, Nick. That comment on your blog was stupid.

  54. Napoleon Says:

    I think they still have tombolas in village fetes. They’re all a bit backwards in the villages of Britain.

  55. piqued Says:

    Has anyone got a spare tab, I’m gasping over here

  56. Swineshead Says:

    Backwards Bicycle Race. Remember them? They were fun / endangered the lives of whoever took part.

    Thinking about it, it sounds like the main event in one of them sex orgies.

  57. Dave Says:

    Those furry things with boggly eyes and ribbon sticking-out their arses were shit. You peeled some crap off their feet and stuck them to walls, mirrors, your dog’s face, etc.

    Wild times.

  58. Swineshead Says:



  59. Napoleon Says:

    My bike didn’t go backwards when you peddled backwards. It tended to smash into trees and lamposts more than anything else.

  60. Napoleon Says:

    You could also buy those things that you threw at a window and they crawled down it. They always ended up a dirty grey colour.

  61. Dave Says:

    do you mean that ‘Amoeba’ goo stuff? I cut the inside of my fingers on the tub, trying to make farting noises with it.

    What about those wooden boxes you opened to reveal an unconvincing, plastic beetle wobbling its pitiful legs? Who was happy with that purchase the next day?

    Or those ‘insect labs’ that were just a tub with a microscope plonked inside the lid.

    The best thing I ever got on holiday was a toy bow and arrow. Shot my sister in the face from two metres with it!!!! YES!!!

  62. piqued Says:

    I went to country fare with Chipz in the West Country a few years ago. There were these little girls all dressed as majorettes doing a perpetual dance rountine to this awful brass oompah shit in the freezing fucking wind. The tannoy crackled into life…

    ‘Ladies and Gentleman, the girls of Pinkletons Fields Primary School, get yourselves some orange juice girls…’

    Huge bloke behind us with a beer and pint went ‘Oh. No’ really loudly.

  63. indy Says:


    i asked for their passport before i served them a mocha frappuchino.

    ok. “of southeast asian descent”?

    …it’s political correctness gone mad.

  64. Napoleon Says:

    I bought one of those from a medieval fayre. Set light to the arrow and burned down a tree and a shed. Those were the days.

    I always used to look enviously on the chocolate they always had in those places. Then I’d buy an ugly face thing you put you hand in the back to make it uglier.

  65. Napoleon Says:

    Pakistanis, Bangladeshis and Indians aren’t from South-East Asia, you racist.

  66. indy Says:

    south-central asia?

  67. charliemingles Says:

    I remember those ugly-faces things Napoleon. It was usually monkeys and they had a weird texture and strange rubbery smell. Probably gave us both cancer.

  68. Napoleon Says:

    You reckon? I’d best get to the doctor’s …

  69. charliemingles Says:

    I think its actually south-west asia. thats certainly where they teach the foot wanking under the FT. Gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘footsie'(FTSE)

    Anyone see what I did there?

  70. charliemingles Says:

    wish Id thought of this one:

  71. indy Says:

    satire. charliemingles. satire.

    ft footjobs. no wonder the economy is going down the drain.

  72. daveselectricblanket Says:


  73. charliemingles Says:

    I keep forgetting you’re a foreigner Indy. Hows the banks over there? where are you again?

  74. Swineshead Says:

    I had a Boglin.

  75. indy Says:

    i’m from sweden. our banks bought half of chelsea and notting hill after having bought the entire city of brussels (slightly exaggerated) during the late eighties which was not a very bright when the economy went down i the early nineties. the swedish taxpayers had to pay for the party so we are now proud owners of nordbanken (partly nationalised). after this huge f*ckup we are in quite good shape this time around. we have not that much of problems like our scandi-neighbours the danes and, hahaha, the icelanders who picked up our bad habit of doing shopping sprees in west london.

    over and out.

  76. ugeine Says:

    I had a Boglin, it used to scare the sweet fanny adams out of my little brother. Quite possibly the best toy I ever owned.

  77. indy Says:

    *cannot understand a single word of what i just wrote. bad spelling and grammar. seems like the ramblings of a drunk accountant*

  78. piqued Says:

    Ugeine, I did the same thing to my brother but instead of a Boglin I used my erection

  79. Swineshead Says:

    indy – your Swedish FT digest was fine.

    Mingles – that Flash website is very amusing. Enjoyed that.

  80. ugeine Says:

    ‘Ugeine, I did the same thing to my brother but instead of a Boglin I used my erection’

    *takes notes*

  81. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Yeah. there were Boglins, Monster in my Pocket and those big-nosed things you could buy called ‘my own monster’ or something….

  82. piqued Says:

    CM, I must agree with SH, superb

  83. Nick T Says:

    Shall we flood Ringo Starr with fanmail?

  84. charliemingles Says:

    thanks SH, Piqued. I made it myself.

  85. ugeine Says:

    Yes! haha.

  86. indy Says:

    the palin site was great.

    to keep up my race theme: isn’t she great. her whiteness and anti-establishment factor is totally over the top. put me next to palin and i will appear like a black lesbian intellectual. place her next to obama and he will appear to be a martian invader riding on a three legged unicorn.

  87. charliemingles Says:

    Dear Ringo

    Ive always admired the way you never just rested on your laurels by living off the spoils of getting really really lucky more than 45 years ago. Despite what they say, you are not just a jammy bastard and a big-nosed mediocrity.

    I also think it’s attractive that you still die your hair and beard, wear sunglasses and make the peace sign. If only more people would make the sign of the peace, maybe the world would be a better place.

    PS: Please sign my tits (enclosed)

    Sarah Palin

    PPS: Vote for me whydonytcha!

  88. indy Says:

    from indy’s book of beatles jokes:

    john was the brain
    paul was the heart
    george was the soul
    ringo was the drummer

  89. extremelisteningmode Says:

    I have a theory that ITV can only make one watchable programme a decade (that isn’t Corrie.)

    Auf Weidersehn in the 80’s, TV Burp in the 00’s and nothing at all in the 90’s, thus being the exception that proves the rule.

    Oh, and Swineshead, get over to my site from time to time you lazy bastard, nobody has had a fight in ages.

  90. extremelisteningmode Says:

    Oh, and Nick T – abuse is the sign of good blogging.

    Check this fucktard;

  91. ugeine Says:

    Extremelisteningmode: ‘Your wife sounds like she’d benefit from being drowned.’ brilliant. Congratualtions, that was a great read.

  92. Swineshead Says:

    ELM – I’d love to but your site is always broken – every time I try to get in it says ‘Invalid Code’ – am I banned??

  93. Clarry Says:

    I watched Sunshine last night, and like you said last week NC, it’s a right bundle of laughs. Do you think it’s some elaborate public service announcement?

  94. Nick T Says:

    Dear Ringo,

    Octopuss’s Garden, was that one of yours?

    I always skip to the next track

    Are the Traveling Wildberries still going?



  95. Napoleon Says:

    80s – World In Action, Morse, The Bill, The Beiderbecke Tapes, etc.
    90s – Cracker, Prime Suspect, Darling Buds of May, Kavanagh QC, Band of Gold, etc.
    00s – Harry Hill, Henry VIII, Foyle’s War, Al Murray’s Happy Hour, etc.

    You’re talking out of your arse.

  96. Nick T Says:

    Thanx extreme.

    I lurve you guyz….

  97. Napoleon Says:

    Clarry – It’s hilarious, isn’t it? I’m very much looking forward to the death of Bernard Hill – that’ll cheer it up a bit, I reckon. Very good, mind.

  98. Swineshead Says:

    Some of those are debatable, NC.

  99. charliemingles Says:

    beiderbecke tapes was good. i always fancied Barbra Flynn since I saw her as Nurse Rose in the sublime A Very Peculiar Practice.

  100. Napoleon Says:

    Debatable, yes, but well-made and watchable all. The assertion that ITV makes one good show a decade is silly. They’ve made plenty of good shows.

  101. Napoleon Says:

    Beiderbecke Tapes was exellent, Mingles. Glad someone else remembers it.

  102. piqued Says:

    ELM -trying to work out what sort of conversation that bloke had with his missus before he mailed you

    *walks in from day on the bins*

    *sees wife sobbing over KFC*

    ‘Ere, what’s up gell, eh, what’s the mah-tarr?’

    ‘Oh Colin, I’m well upset, well. Been put right off me Boneless Meal for One from KFC I is…’

    ‘Stone the crows!!’

    ‘Just read this on internet… and you know ‘ow I luuurveve ‘Uchnall…’

    ‘I knows you luv ‘im like no other gell, even I play second to fiddle to his Gingersty ‘ees been there for ya, no shitting about that. He’s an orange rock…’

    ‘I want sumfin done Colin, I want the awafer of this filth tracked down and slain…’

    ‘Ooooh, you right got me gander up nah one upsets my gell via a pithy little article that pricks the sensibilities of your woefully appalling taste in fucking humans and their atrocities on musical instruments…

    HE IS DEDZ!!’

  103. charliemingles Says:

    good work piqued sir. your back must be playing up again.

  104. Nick T Says:

    Anyone remember “Rosie” sunday evenings, about a policeman and his fat friend.

  105. Napoleon Says:

    Glad to see you’ve shattered some stereotypes about the working classes there, Piqued.

  106. piqued Says:

    CM, back is fine thank you

    Nappers, are you going to track me down now?

  107. charliemingles Says:

    Al Murray though – annoying over-rated shite. One joke over and over again.

  108. Nick T Says:

    Here here Piqued!

  109. Napoleon Says:

    Track you down? Not me, old son. Stereotypes are my lifeblood.

  110. piqued Says:


  111. Dave Says:

    I had a KFC only yesterday. A Zinger meal, actually.

    £4.50 it cost and I got a burger, chips, 2 spicey wings, beans and a Pepsi.

    That’s value.

  112. Nick T Says:

    I never knew there was so much in it….

  113. piqued Says:

    ‘I had a KFC only yesterday. A Zinger meal, actually. £4.50 it cost and I got a burger, chips, 2 spicey wings, beans and a Pepsi. That’s value’

    Why does this not surprise me

  114. Napoleon Says:

    I quite like those Zinger burgers. They don’t quite hit the spot as much as the King’s XL Bacon Double Cheeseburger when I’m in the throes of a hangover, but they’re a pretty good substitute nonetheless.

  115. daveselectricblanket Says:

    So you don’t like the way the black communties in Kentucky eat?

    Why doesn’t that surprise me?

  116. ugeine Says:

    ‘Why does this not surprise me’

    Because KFC have been the leading fast food joint that supplies quality quality food at low low prices for more then ten years now?

  117. piqued Says:

    Christ Dave that was funny —> ah har har

    *looks blank*

  118. Napoleon Says:

    I thought the leading fast food ‘joint’ (ugh) was McDonald’s?

  119. daveselectricblanket Says:

    You say nothing of substance yet sneer at other people, SH. There’s a word for people like you.

  120. ugeine Says:

    McDonalds is, I think. I should know, I’ve read Fast Food Nation.

  121. indy Says:

    *runs off, chasing an ice bear down the street while screaming and waving arms*

  122. daveselectricblanket Says:

    I had a Ginsters Cornish Pasty, Innocent smoothy and an apple today.

  123. ugeine Says:

    I ate some frozen chips out of the bag and washed it down with cough syrup.

  124. Napoleon Says:

    I’m afraid I’m not winning any prizes for my lunch today. I had a Milka chocolate bar, a bag of McCoy’s and a glass of Robinson’s tropical cordial. Just couldn’t be arsed.

  125. ugeine Says:

    You should try a more healthy (and dare I say aspirational) diet like mine NP.

  126. Nick T Says:

    Romain lettuce, shaved parmisan, chopped almonds dollop of Helmans

    Mushroom omlette for breakfast…….

  127. Napoleon Says:

    I generally do, Ugeine. Unless I have a hangover, can’t be bothered, or fancy a bit of St. Bernard’s, I eat virtually nothing other than Italian food for my tea, and fine English fayre for my lunch. My verdict?


  128. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Why does that not surprise me…

  129. charliemingles Says:

    is that your new catchphrase dave?

    pretty neat, certainly better than the usual: I hate you all, Im going to kill myself, wait, please forgive me, youre all my betters.

    you loveably mad wastrel.

  130. piqued Says:

    *Looks at Nappers fondly*

    I want to sex you up, all night

  131. badgermadge Says:

    Dave – where has your electric blanket gone??

  132. ugeine Says:

    Good to know, NP. I was dining on Thursday last when it became apparent to me that my partner wasn’t too familiar with the frozen aisle in our local Nettos. Thankfully, I was able to grab the ordering bull by the horns and grabbed a bag of frozen chips and a frozen lasagne which went down nicely.

  133. daveselectricblanket Says:

    That was a cutting remark, Charlie. I don’t think I deserved that one bit.

    And what’s a wastrel when it’s at home? A small, woodland mammal?

  134. daveselectricblanket Says:

    BM – I’ve had to decomission her since I became incontinent. Europe, I think.

  135. piqued Says:

    Ugeine, plagiary is a very unattractive trait

  136. charliemingles Says:

    Sorry dave, just kidding baby.

  137. ugeine Says:

    Piqued: You can tell when A joke’s dead because I’m cottoning onto it.

  138. badgermadge Says:

    That’s a shame.

    Like my new pic?

  139. badgermadge Says:

    Oh… Dammit! Why isn’t it the new one???

  140. daveselectricblanket Says:

    CM – I don’t think you are. You’ll be on the couch tonight for that.

  141. daveselectricblanket Says:

    BM – well, if you’re being serious it still exists but on WordPress now (same name).

    I’d be tempted to read Piqued’s blog about game pie and cigarettos though. And that’s sincere.

  142. badgermadge Says:

    links please.

  143. piqued Says:

    I think I mentioned game pie once about a year and half ago but I’m sure I’ve not discussed cigarettos

    You’re confusing me with Eeked

  144. Dave Says:

    No. It was you.

    ‘Me and my good lady wife sat in my IMMACULATE kitchen area, and twittered the midnight oil away over splendid Amarreto, cigarettos AND a game pie father shot dead in a pie range last weekend! You filthy fucking peasants.’

    I paraphrase.

  145. piqued Says:

    Well you’re right about the kitchen area being immaculate

    It is readers, honest

    *cleans up mouse piss*

  146. Swineshead Says:

    ‘More than one in four commuters has bacteria from faeces on their hands, an investigation suggests. Scientists from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine swabbed 409 people at bus and train stations in five major cities in England and Wales.

    ‘The further north they went, the more often they found commuters with faecal bacteria on their hands – men in Newcastle were the worst offenders.’

    *thinks of cheryl cole’s elegant, shit-smeared digits*

  147. Nick T Says:

    “more than one…”
    Is that 2?

  148. Napoleon Says:

    That’s a nice thought, Swineshead.

  149. Dave Says:

    I bought The Birdman of Alcatraz on DVD last night for six pound notes, and Mars Attacks! for three poundy coins.

  150. Napoleon Says:

    Well done, Dave. Any time you fancy discussing the minutiae of your life, you just go ahead and use WWM as your platform.

  151. piqued Says:

    I was riveted NC

  152. Dave Says:

    They’re both good films, Napoleon. Both for under a tenner. Plus it was paid for on a stray gift card I found in a suitcase.

  153. Swineshead Says:

    Word of the day: ‘Minutiae’

    Christ I’m bored.

    Your voice any better, Nappers?
    Fancy singing us a song?

    GO ON.

    (after I put all that effort in n’all)

  154. Swineshead Says:

    Dave – you could’ve got em for free.


  155. Nick T Says:

    I’m going to start podcasting if we’re talking minutiae….

  156. Napoleon Says:

    I’m croaking like a bullfrog over here, Swineshead. You’ll get no songs from me today.

    “The girth is thick, the length is long, I now pronounce you man and wife.”

  157. Dave Says:

    I love having a mountain of cheap VHS and DVDs. It’s a sexy sight for me at the end of a long day.

    But I think we’ve all reached the stage in our friendship where we can share a little about our lives.

    I hoovered last night.

  158. Napoleon Says:

    I tried and failed to watch Holby City. First, my editor rang up to tell me he was pulling a piece I’d written for space reasons, and that I was getting a kill fee, and then Swineshead rang up to ask me a set of damnfool questions. I must have seen about twenty minutes. Mind you, it was a shit episode, from what I saw.

  159. extremelisteningmode Says:

    Swineshead, you are certainly not banned, you are my favourite abusive poster.

    And guys, seriously – abused by a Mick Hucknall fanatics wife. My life just gets better and better.

    Oh, and I got slightly drunk whilst decrying people who don’t hate aubergines last night.

  160. Nick T Says:

    I have over 60,000 vhs’s and DVDs.

    They don’t make me feel sexy.


  161. Swineshead Says:

    They weren’t damnfool. You said you want 4. I then tried it with 4 and decided it was too long so tried it with 3. Now you tell me you need half that. YOU’RE THE FOOL. DAMNFOOL.

    And your voice sounded fine to me, you fucking liar.

  162. Napoleon Says:

    My voice was hoarse, you bloody liar. Thanks to you and that Scotch git, I missed Holby, and made my voice worse by having to talk. You lousy set of bastards.

  163. piqued Says:

    this is really rather creepy. it needs sound

  164. Dave Says:

    Nick T – My mum’s gonna ask your mum if you want to come round for tea tomorrow. We’re having sausage, beans and waffles! (I like to fill each waffle hole with a bean, just so there are no surprises).

  165. Napoleon Says:

    Kids hurting themselves. Fun.

  166. Nick T Says:

    That’s a lot of carbs Dave…

    *calls mummy*

  167. Do I not like that! Says:

    That cosmic joker Q is up to his tricks again. Yesterday as you will remember it was Barry Norman’s pickled onions….well look at this…

  168. piqued Says:

    NC, it’s the fucking laughing…

    (yours and SH last posts on P had me giggling like a fucking twit)

  169. Clarry Says:

    “More than one in four commuters has bacteria from faeces on their hands, an investigation suggests. ”

    SH, that research only serves to highlight the importance of my freaksih habits that keep me safe from germs. If I didn’t hold my breath, deny myself the luxury of swallowing or avoid touching doorhandles i’d be dead of the plague in no time.

    I got E. coli once after eating a chinese meal in London – so one of those aforementioned chaps with shit on their hands had obviously cooked my tea that night. That’s a thought I like to savour as I scrub my hands until they bleed…

  170. Swineshead Says:

    (yours and SH last posts on P had me giggling like a fucking twit)

    Shouldn’t that read:

    (your and SH’s last posts on P had me giggling. I am a fucking twit)


  171. piqued Says:

    *eyes fill with tears*


  172. Swineshead Says:




  173. piqued Says:

    *lip trembles*

    u are beeing meen 2 me

  174. charliemingles Says:

    Piqued: whats the fucking story with that mad laughter in that thing. sounds like that mysterious dwarf that was on the internet a few months ago. or that little fucker from fantasy island. weird.

  175. charliemingles Says:

    hold on. did someone say cocks?

    THis is almost as good as mornington crescent.

  176. charliemingles Says:

    Clarry – you need to get dirty young lady. close your eyes and dive right in. It’ll do you good. I’ll pay your fare up to edinburgh if you need any masterclasses.

    You’ll need to sleep in the garden mind – Im having the place fumigated.

  177. Clarry Says:

    I… can’t…

    I had an argument with my other half once, because he spilt some pop on a filthy table on the train and slurped it up and then tried to kiss me. That actually makes me feel ill typing that.

  178. piqued Says:

    ‘…because he spilt some pop on a filthy table’


  179. charliemingles Says:

    I’d hang onto him then.

    Thank god youve got a cute face.

  180. piqued Says:

    CM, I’ve no idea but it’s the sort of sound that would make me wet the bed at 4am

  181. Swineshead Says:

    My mate lets his kids play in mud. They eat the mud. It’s good for their immune system. I agree with him, as it happens. Let ’em get worms, I say.

    That McLean’s been at it again! Notebooks out, plagiarists!

    I quite like him though, with his little Mr Bean face.

  182. charliemingles Says:

    me too Piqued. Didnt sound at all human. I think it was maybe dubbed on afterwards.

  183. piqued Says:

    What, Sly and Robbie?

  184. charliemingles Says:

    Piqued, it appears youve picked up a spot of ‘Dave’. Id get that looked at.

  185. charliemingles Says:

    I never got past the first few lines of that review SH. It feels like being unfaithful. Yours was much better.

    *hugs SH*

  186. Clarry Says:

    That was in the beginning. He seems to have caught my OCDishness off me and wouldn’t do such a thing now.

    *crosses fingers with eyes tightly closed*

  187. ugeine Says:

    I could never think like that Carys. I get my brain overworked; I’d never buy food from a supermarket or takeaway, that’s for sure.

  188. charliemingles Says:

    Sounds like you both need someone dirty around for a few days to shake things up.

    I know a stripper who might be interested. She’s filthy, but you’ll need a secure room for her snake and somewhere quiet she can face Mecca in peace.

  189. Clarry Says:

    Ugeine – Please take note of my name it is CLARRY not Carys or Clarys.

  190. ugeine Says:


  191. Napoleon Says:

    Clarry – Thorn in your side that, ain’t it?

  192. charliemingles Says:

    What did you call yourself before you got married by the way clarry?

    Did you just seek out a man whose surname corresponded with your chosen nickname? that would take OCD to a new level.

  193. Clarry Says:

    Although you’re quite right Ugiene, i’d make my life a lot easier if I didn’t think about such things. I can only eat out from trusted sources.

  194. ugeine Says:

    But what about fresh fruit from a supermarket? Or anything from a supermarket for that matter? Having worked in one, I’m glad I manage to live with the ‘if it doesn’t make me vomit it probably won’t kill me’ maxim, or I’d end up growing everything.

  195. Clarry Says:

    NC – Yes, who’d have thought such an simple name would cause so much bother?

    CM – Not telling.

    Ugeine – That’s ok.

  196. Clarry Says:

    U – I pick all the fruit and veg from the boxes underneath, as least likely to have been touched by others or dropped on the floor, and I wash and peel them before I use them. If any germs get through they’ll be hopefully killed by being cooked. As for what happens to things in factories etc, I just have to block it out or I would never eat anything.

    The very worse thing for me is finding a hair in something (obviously there are many worse things to find in your food i.e. cysts, rat droppings, a finger – but I have a bit of a problem with hairs).

  197. charliemingles Says:

    I pity your poor mother clarry.

    how is she by the way? 😉

  198. Dave Says:

    You know what ‘mother’ gags result in by now, Charlie.

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