NewsGush: None of our business, but…


Apparently the clapped out pop singer Madonna and her career-kamikaze husband, poshcockney Guy Ritchie have split up. They’re going to divorce, it says here. 

The BBC have this as their lead entertainment story as it’s clearly far more important than the winner of the Booker Prize or the MOBO awards.

“They have both requested that the media maintain respect for their family at this difficult time.

“A final settlement has not been agreed upon yet.”

My thoughts are with David Banda at this torrid and uncertain time. The poor little sod was half-inched from Malawi earlier this year to live in a mansion with a neurotic, self-worshipping mother and a father who’s undergoing a permanent identity crisis. His little head must be all over the place.

‘Who will I live with – the one I call ‘Mum’ or the one I call ‘Dad’?’
‘Am I being sent back to Malawi?’
‘Who are all these white people?’

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41 Responses to “NewsGush: None of our business, but…”

  1. Edna Welthorpe Says:

    What is it with these ‘celebrities’ who are trying to heal the world by adopting kiddies from every continent – and, yes, that means YOU Angelina Jolie and Mia Farrow as well. Why not just give cash rather than nick kids; it means so much more.

  2. Nick T Says:

    What is the world coming to?

    What about the children, think of the children.

    Oh the humanity.

    One just can’t throw money at Malawi, not even mad Donna. I’m sure junior Banda is better off here than in Malawi.

    It’s dreafull there, you can’t even get a KFC

  3. Badger Madge Says:

    Oh how I howled with laughter this morning when GMTV (after drooling over the details of the divorce – Madge slagged Guy off at her concert last night apparently, how much of a fortune will each get? What’s to happen to the kids) Fiona (or whichever one it was, they all look the same) sighed and said, “I do feel for them at this stressful time. Must be awful to be doing this in the spotlight… They’ve asked for as little media scrutiny as poss” Andrew Castle then said, “But of course, we’ll be delving into it for months and months!” Then realising his mistake – “Because of… er… the papers, of course…”

  4. Dave Says:

    I still recall the pic of those two leaving a London hotel a couple of years ago. Little did they know, the camera flashes saw right through the carrier bag in Madonna’s leathery claw. And the contents? Well, an attachment of some sort. And not one for a hoover, either.

    We all know who wore the trousers in that marriage, if ever we had a doubt.

  5. Swineshead Says:

    You laughed Badger?

    Have you no respect for the Queen of pop?

    I liked the way you could see the bit around her cruft when she was doing a dance in that leotard. Her kids must have the utmost respect for her.

  6. badgermadge Says:

    Not at them. No, divorce is terrible for everyone, especially the very very rich, famous and obnoxious. No, I laughed more at GMTV for their hypocrisy.

  7. Swineshead Says:

    I can’t hack GMTV. It’s BBC for me every time because the man on there is always comically dishevelled and like a stupid Dad character from a sitcom.

    I hear some people listen to Today on Radio 4, but they’re probably too embarassed to talk about that. It’s not like it’s a status symbol or proof of intellect or anything.

  8. Dave Says:

    BM – is the madge in your name in tribute to the buck-toothed Anglophile, or just coincidence? I think the former, and any protest will fall on deaf ears.

  9. Swineshead Says:

    PS – Restaurant last night was a good ‘un.
    That bald bloke reminds me of my Uncle Barry.

  10. badgermadge Says:

    No, not at all. I watch GMTV and I am neither unemplyoed nor a housewife who shops at Asda.

  11. Swineshead Says:

    She’s not buck-toothed, Dave – she’s gap-toothed. Like Tarby.

  12. Dave Says:

    Well, gapt-toothed sounds rubbish and buck-toothed has them there cowboy-look connotations. They are a little bucked, admit it.

  13. badgermadge Says:

    Dave – finally here just for you…

    Yes Restaurant was OK. Not the best ep though as we’re now expecting the gay and his gimp to mess up. Loving the new sulky flower girl – and wonky eyed man is deffo one to… er… keep your eye on, methinks. Even if he can’t boil an egg.

  14. ugeine Says:

    Does this mean she’s going to leave England now?

  15. wally bazoom Says:

    I bet she wanted to be in Sherlock Holmes and he said she could only play a rancid old prossie, and that was the end of that, basically.

  16. Dave Says:

    She was in Dick Tracey wasn’t she? Fucking up one beloved detective franchise is enough for one lifetime, I would say.

  17. ugeine Says:

    Surely it’s about time for her to be doing stair lift adverts?

  18. Nick T Says:

    Hells Kitchen USA is quite possibly one of the best bits of tv I have ever seen. I’ve been following it for a couple of weeks. It is quite splendid.
    Ramsey “literally” spits bile.

  19. charliemingles Says:

    Dave – Badger Madge may have written that post about her nickname but she still never answered the question, despite hundreds, okay tens, okay me and some other bloke ( think it was you actually) eagerly awaiting a response.

    Don’t let her lure you in Dave. She’s just a devil woman, with evil on her mind. She’s just a devil woman she’s gonna get you from behiiiiiiind!

    SH: have you filled in the collings & herrin podcast survey yet? Do your duty.

  20. Nick T Says:

    This one has a video and evrifink

  21. badgermadge Says:

    Charlie. Click on the link. Go on. You know you want to…

    I do actually answer the question. And it’s v dull. No, rilly. Dave can back me up.

  22. piqued Says:

    ‘I hear some people listen to Today on Radio 4, but they’re probably too embarassed to talk about that. It’s not like it’s a status symbol or proof of intellect or anything’


  23. Swineshead Says:

    Sorry Piqued, just heading you off at the pass. No offence.

    Nick T – I thought we’d concluded that Ramsay is a fucking cunt?

  24. Nick T Says:

    Oh I agree he is, but he’s our cunt.
    And he rips into dopey ‘tudy Americans like a chainsaw through shit.

  25. charliemingles Says:

    okay madge hold on .. back in a minute …

  26. piqued Says:

    None taken SH

  27. charliemingles Says:

    You’re right. What an anti-climax. I wish I’d never asked now.

  28. wally bazoom Says:

    Listening to Radio 4 is definitely a proof of intellect, isn’t it? I’m extremely wise, for a start.

    But there’s a big difference between listening and understanding, right?

  29. Swineshead Says:

    If it’s too hard I can’t understand it.

  30. Nick T Says:

    Thinking Aloud is sublime.

    Laurie Taylor is magnificent

  31. wally bazoom Says:

    Like proper butter out of the fridge – how can something so soft be so unyielding?

    I can’t understand it. And I can’t get it on me toast.

    Burgen, with soya and linseed since you ask.

  32. Wenchy Says:

    How he stayed married to the sinewy harridan for as long as he did is beyond me.

    I am not a fan, of either of them really. The press have been speculating on it for months, so there was a bit of a, “only a matter of time” about it.

    In terms of the baby David, I don’t think it’s a bad thing he’s too young to understand. Everyone keeps on saying “respect the poor children” – but they’re as much in the spotlight as their parents, so I doubt the media intrusion will affect them this time. I feel a bit sorry for them, your parents separating is a horrible thing, but it does happen. Although some kids say they would rather their parents were together even if they were unhappy, so who knows?

  33. Barry Norman Says:

    I suggest our dear Madge launch a range of pickled edibles.

    But not onions, or I’ll strike her!

  34. charliemingles Says:

    and why not!

  35. Napoleon Says:

    Not in the least but interested in this. Anyone know of a website that’s full of busty young women wearing 70s clothes?

    It’s for work, before you fucking start …

  36. Barry Norman Says:

    I’d put my list of dream jobs like this

    5) Number one breeder of Wolverines in the world
    4) Willy Wonka’s job at the chocolate factory he owns.
    3) Quality control tester for Hydes brewery
    2) High class male escort for proper fit ladies (not the ugly ones).
    1) Napoleon’s

  37. Napoleon Says:

    That’s all well and good, Barry. It doesn’t, however, get me any closer to those funky 70s ladies and their quivering tits.

  38. charliemingles Says:

    NC: First thing I typed in:

  39. charliemingles Says:

    Unfirtunately as you can see – you cant copy the photos. oops.

  40. charliemingles Says:

    actually scratch that, you can


  41. lovelydisco Says:

    Poor kid. But c’mon, we’ve all seen this split coming for yonks.

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