Just a Thought: Adverts Featuring the Public

by

…you know the ones, where some half-famous celebrity or friendly unfamilar goes hunting along the high streets and cobbled lanes of England, looking for authentic verification that their product is in some way better than another.

It was bad enough in the heyday of Julian Clary and the Daz Doorstep Challenge (that was back when a slightly effeminate man turning on at your house and offering to rub white powder into your pyjama wasn’t banned under the Prevention of Terrorism Act) but now you’re forced to dodge them on the highstreet as they try to show you how to make a chicken curry, or disuade Jamie Oliver from crashing your houseparty or avoid some fucker with a giant sofa trying to make you cry.

The worst one at the moment is Gary Rhodes and his cutesie VW camper with a giant crumpet on top, stopping off at the Crystal Peak shopping centres of the land trying to make you guess – like you care, at all – which margarine is spread on which crumpet.

There he goes, tootling through the countryside talking to builders and mums, trying to convince anyone who’ll listen to his hyper-patronising childspeak that it’s really important that 5% more of the country prefer Flora to Lurpack.

Equally irritating is another TV chef, Phil Vickers, and his ultra-realist forays into cooking food on the street with a wide array of cast members who are all supposedly real people and in no way actors playing real people.

Adopting a vocal tone similar to that of a teenage care worker talking to a half deaf five-year old, he sizzles up a stir fry and brings Aldi into their hearts, whilst developing their self esteem and a community spirit. He is hateful person.

It’s bad enough that men are portrayed as imbecilic morons in adverts, and women as imperfect housewives, but now we as a nation – and as a society  and as a people – are being offered up as bargain-hungry fame addicts who’ll happily gather around the next insignificant detail if it means a chance of free food, being on TV or meeting a famous chef.

Oh… hang on. That’s what we’re are, isn’t it?

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53 Responses to “Just a Thought: Adverts Featuring the Public”

  1. Toothed Varmint Says:

    If Gary Rhodes and his camera crew approached me with a margarine-related question, I’d give him a direct, honest if somewhat blunt answer he so much deserves. I’d even waive my fee.
    They’d never show it, though.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve not seen any of these ads.
    I did see the Asda ?) ones with Ian Wright and Victoria Wood playing silly buggers in a supermarket though. Arseholes.

  3. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Alan fucking Hanson selling beer for Morrisons.
    There are so many of them… yesterday I saw another Iceland advert with Kerry Katona. They are still doing it! Unbelievable.
    As for ads featuring the supposed members of the hoi-polloi, how about those yogurt ones, when “I was feeling all bloated and gaseous, my stomach distended and I was expelled from polite company because of rambling noises and terrible stench, emanating from my person, but now I eat yogurt and my life is great again”?
    When I see those ads, I get all bloated with rage, on top of my usual bloatedness. And no yogurt can help.

  4. Swineshead Says:

    Here’s a way to stop feeling bloated: STOP EATING SHIT

  5. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I kinda like being bloated, though. Gives me certain dignity, I find.

  6. Swineshead Says:

    Trapped wind can play havoc with a man. I quite often think I’ve slipped a disc and it turns out, after I’ve emitted a godawful stinking fart, that it was wind all along.

    Piqued – take note.

    In other news, I finally finished The Wire last night.

    *sob*

  7. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Ah, The Wire… I am on Season 4 now. I don’t want it to end.
    I can honestly say that The Wire’s 3rd Season is the best TV I have ever, ever watched. Ever.

  8. ugeine Says:

    I’m sorry SH. What did you think of the ending?

    RE: Celebs in commercials: The Asda Paul Whitehouse one was the worse. As an ex shelf stacker, I can tell you that if he spent that amount of time pissing about instead of working his department manager would have stuck that ‘cow juice’ (haha, you funny fucker) up his jacksie sharpish.

  9. Dave Says:

    ‘Here’s a way to stop feeling bloated: STOP EATING SHIT’

    You should take to the streets yourself, SH. And then I could drag out a massive red sofa for actors to sit on whilst I dig up forgotten ghosts from the past, making them cry into my branded tissues on telly.

  10. ugeine Says:

    My favourite survey was when Metal Hammer Took an old copy of Highway to Hell to the streets and told greebo teenagers hanging around shopping centres it was a new band, and asked them to give their opinion on it. Most of them said it was wank and nothing compared to Korn and Slipknot (Including one wearing an AC/DC T shirt, which was a nice touch).

  11. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I once saw that Brian Conley off the telly, he was filming some washing powder advert in Croydon’s Wheatgift Centre. He loved that powder. He beamed happiness and sincerity. He is a tiny little man, by the way, but his head is enormous.

  12. Nick T Says:

    What I find annoying (mornin all) are adverts featuring members of the “public”. See the “”””? By this I mean actors pretending to be members of the public.

    “It’s the shape” they gush “Lets talk about the fooball whilst you charge me 39% for a loan.

    Ad nausium

    geddit?

  13. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Teenagers are stupid shits. As a teenager I used to abhor AC/DC and listen to bleedin’ King Crimson and Van der Graaf Generator with interludes by Sinead O’Connor and Simply Red. I was a moron.

  14. Badger Madge Says:

    My mate was in one of those Asda ads with that annoying footballer once. He was the ginger/strawberry blonde guy who had the girlfriend and wouldn’t give her any fish because he was hungry. Classic.

    In fact here’s the comment I made when you posted on them… https://watchwithmothers.wordpress.com/2007/09/27/asda-adverts/

  15. Dave Says:

    I think doing an AVON doorstep call in Iran for teenage girls would be good for a laugh. ‘Lipstick won’t be the only stick she’ll be getting…but the rouge sets of her beaten body ever so well’.

  16. Swineshead Says:

    ‘When I was a teenager’ covers a long period of time. When I was 13 I was listening to Carter USM and Senseless Things. By 19 my tastes had progressed somewhat…

  17. Quincy Phd Says:

    Anyone noticed that Sainsbury’s are now advertising to their own staff…? Telling a heartwarming tale of a middle aged divorcee who finds love and acceptance in a brown uniform on the mean aisles of her supermarket, discovering friendship, bargains and recipe ideas whilst doing her 9to5?

    Beautiful, it is, beautiful – especially the one where she gets to meet Jamie Oliver; wow, it’s like a fairtyale come true.

  18. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Ooh, political.
    Anyway, her beaten body will be covered by her hijab.
    Actually, I am not sure that they wear hijabs in Iran.
    Do they beat women in Iran?

  19. Swineshead Says:

    He’s a good actor, that Jamie Olivier. It’s in his blood.

  20. Swineshead Says:

    Ugeine – I’d best email you about the ending away from here. Don’t want to spoil it for anyone.

  21. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Swineshead, I was 19 when I listened to abovementioned crap. Well, I still like Sinead, actually.
    When I was 13 I listened to… ah, you wouldn’t know, you lucky thing. Soviet “pop-music”.

  22. Dave Says:

    They beat women in Iran and they strip them to dishonour them. I wouldn’t generalise that it’s common practice in Iran but it happens there, certainly.

    But AVON lipstick really is the best, and isn’t that all that matters? It’s to die for.

  23. Toothed Varmint Says:

    That was funny when Harry Hill applied lippy to his eyes in his TV Burp last Saturday. Well, I laughed.

  24. ugeine Says:

    I bloody love adverts that try to portray supermarket work as enjoyable.

    ‘I get virtually no training meaning I only do the most menial, tedious and repetitive tasks, get paid minimum wage for it, I have to work long shifts, unsociable hours and weekends and in fact am replacing somebody else who only lasted three months because the recruitment department would rather hire a string of feckless wonders rather then actually give a shit about their workforce but interacting with the gobshite public makes it worth not getting a proper job.’

  25. Swineshead Says:

    Ugeine – even better when they’re in the bakery, and all you see is the finished, fresh-baked white loaf. Funny that they don’t show the little lump of what looks like PVA glue it started out as.

  26. Who Says:

    I’m an AVON lady and the lippy isn’t all that great, TBH.

    I’m really good at it, as you can probably tell.

  27. Dave Says:

    I worked in the ‘oven fresh’ section of Morrisons as a sixteen year old lad – which neighboured the fishmongers an bakers.

    I helped my mate in the fish section clear-up once, in return for a lift home. Rotting fish everywhere. They actually spray them with stuff and add flour to make off fish look fresh. At least, did so back then.

  28. Toothed Varmint Says:

    How does adding flour to fish make it look fresh? I don’t doubt your story, Dave, I just can’t picture it.

  29. Nick T Says:

    The advert with Sharon Osborne in Asda made me want too kill

  30. Nick T Says:

    Is flour like foundation for fish?

    One could apply lipstick for real sex appeal.

  31. Dave Says:

    The flour stopped it smelling and took away the bitter taste – so I was told.

    I baked sausage rolls so am out of my depth talking fish. Unless it’s smoked fish, I know stuff about smoking.

  32. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Sharon Osbourne keep quiet these days, which is as it should be. She really has no right to tell anybody how to do anything, let alone where to buy food.

  33. Swineshead Says:

    Baking sausage rolls eh? I’m experienced in baking pork n’ pastry, Dave. Adams Pork Pies – their Ruskington factory. Six week stints in the Summers of 2000 – 2003.
    12 hour shifts.

    Year one – The Pie Room.

    ‘Tamping’ the meat into the pies.
    Throwing pastry into the machines.
    Kneading vats of pastry.
    Throwing sausage meat into the machines.
    One stint in the jelly room (never again)
    Weeks spent in the freezers stacking trolleys.
    Trying to decipher thick Lincolnshire accent of the Marvin, the Pie Room Boss.

    Year two – Skipkeeping

    General dogsbody in the yard.
    Tramping waste and detritus into the skip to keep the level low.
    Gathering trays full of slop (dead pig / blood / rotting pastry) and tipping into skip.
    Clearing and hosing the yard.
    Battling in neverending war with wasps.
    Trying to decipher thick Lincolnshire accent of the Yard Boss.

    Year three – The Ovens

    Working in very hot conditions, putting pies in ovens.
    Delivering pies to packing room.
    Trying to decipher thick Lincolnshire accent of the Oven Boss.

  34. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Meh.
    I worked in a chocolate factory for a month once. I couldn’t look at chocolate for years afterwords.

  35. Dave Says:

    KP, Morrisons, McDonalds, Co-Op, Old Trafford, Smokehouse thingy, Virgin Media, Callcentre.

    That’s a CV right there.

  36. Nick T Says:

    SHdid you ever see slutty porkers like these?

  37. Swineshead Says:

    At this point I’d like to go off topic, whilst NC’s not around – and say:

    ‘Oh dear, Spurs’.

  38. Nick T Says:

    I was tring to find a mackerel wearing lipstick but thatg was the nearest i could get.
    Guess I’ll have to do it myself….

  39. Swineshead Says:

    You’ve silenced everyone with your pig/paint combo.

  40. Nick T Says:

    That it then?

    Shall I go home now?

  41. Do I not like thatw! Says:

    Whilst Nap’s not about…

    What’s the difference between Spurs and a samosa?

    A samosa has 3 points.

  42. Dave Says:

    The should get Sir Alan to manage Spurs. He said himself he’d like to.

  43. ugeine Says:

    What do you get if you sell your three main strikers over 6 months and sign one replacement who’s a young and unproven attacking mid, one who’s a young reserve striker of another premiership club, and the third is an unproven prospect? Sweet fuck all!

  44. daveselectricblanket Says:

    That’s the curse of a middle team. You’re basically a training camp for Manchester United and the like. If a player wants to go, they’ll go.

  45. ugeine Says:

    True, that. They should have kept hold of Defoe though, he was a silly sell.

  46. Swineshead Says:

    Fair point, Dave – but then you can always buy-in with the riches you gain. Teams like Spurs fritter the profits away.

  47. ugeine Says:

    Thing with Barbatov was he wanted to go but Tottenham wanted a good thirty million, which meant they were flirting with United while they should have been trying to find a replacement.

  48. Swineshead Says:

    Easy to see why they got caught up in flirting with Man U. They’re lovely looking lads. I often imagine Potato-face Rooney and Plug from the Bash St Kids lookalike Nani getting all lathered up in the showers as Count Berbatovula and the gorgeous Tevez whip one another with soggy towels.

    Fergie, in this mental tableaux, is sitting in the corner of the dressing room, gently wanking and weeping.

  49. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I am with Charlie Brooker on this – fuck sport, especially football.
    I’ll get me coat…

  50. Nick T Says:

    Get mine too……

  51. ugeine Says:

    Paul Scholes, Gary Neville, do you have to be fugly to play for them in the first place?

  52. indy Says:

    *steal coat and leave*

  53. Dave Says:

    Paul Scholes is a beautiful man – you’re just being gingerist bu, no doubt, SH doesn’t have a list to protect my people from such abuse.

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