NewsGush – Secret Millionaire’s Bad Apple

by

When I first saw thieving arsehole James Benamor on Secret Millionaire I did find it weird that Channel 4 were championing a cunt who ‘sells loans to those with bad credit ratings’.

‘But he’ll be giving money to the kinds of people he rips off in the first place’ I cried, as my better half kicked the TV in half with disgust.

And it turns out the truth is worse – and we can thank the BBC for smelling the rat and using it as the basis for an investigation into the shyster’s ways.

His companies, which include Tenant Loans and Advantage Loans, offer to arrange loans for people with a poor credit history.

Half-a-million customers have signed up in the past year and many of them pay a £50 brokerage fee.

But when the paperwork comes through, the clients don’t get the loans they were expecting. Instead, they are simply sent the phone numbers of other banks and lenders.

I’d laugh at Mr Benamor’s misfortune in being exposed if only so many folk hadn’t been buried deeply in the shit, partially because of his exploitative business practices. It beggars belief that people sit at their desk and work out the best way of rinsing some of the most desperate people around for everything they have for their own personal gain.

What a twat.

The Secret Millionaire was ripe for the axe anyway – let’s hope they pull it as soon as possible.

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112 Responses to “NewsGush – Secret Millionaire’s Bad Apple”

  1. Napoleon Says:

    What a nice guy he sounds. It’s a comfort to know there are always vultures on hand to pounce on the poorest members of our society. Restores your faith in human nature.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    To have the nerve to then go on Secret Millionaire… gobsmacking. An dI predict he’ll get one of those gobsmacks if he shows his face round the estate he inhabited during filming ever again.

  3. daveselectricblanket Says:

    The Salford edition of this show was partly filmed at the street next to mine whilst I was at university, as well as the famous Working Lads Club.

    But far from being a cunt, the guy still continues to help people in need around the area. He helped do up a street that targeted for demolition, set up a theatre and tidied up a block of flats since the show.

    Things like that are nice to hear.

    It’s nice to hear nice things, other that being told to ‘go get fucked’. Imagine a world where everyone took that attitude.

  4. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – He needs stringing up by his balls, then he needs strangling with piano wire.

    Dave – Get fucked.

  5. Swineshead Says:

    He’s a hypocritical cunt then, surely Dave. I mean – by definition?

    Think about it, for fuck’s sake. It’s like the bloke who killed your Mum helping you bury her.

  6. piqued Says:

    ‘But far from being a cunt, the guy still continues to help people in need around the area.’

    I’m afraod what he does for a living negates his good deeds, it’s akin to Hitler helping a blind chap across the fucking road

  7. piqued Says:

    I’m ‘afraid’ of course and SH and I have just made the same point

  8. Napoleon Says:

    Or the bloke what strangled your gran with piano wire turning up to her funeral and playing ‘Nearer My God to Thee’ on a piano wot’s been restrung with the piano wire he used to strangle her with. The cunt.

  9. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Piqued – Chek Whyte’s the secret millionaire who visited Salford. He got his money from the construction industry, which doesn’t sound unethical to me.

    The other bloke’s a cunt though. Looks like Ghandi compared to Perry, however.

  10. Napoleon Says:

    And how d’ye square that one, Dave? I’ve never wormed money off of the poor under false pretences. I make my money by plucking random sums out of thin air, and then hoping these sums will be accepted without investigation.

    So get fucked.

  11. daveselectricblanket Says:

    I see CR has a nice ‘The Doors Special’ out that contains the same stock image of ‘The Doors’ CR fans have seen countless times before.

    That’s not ethical. Not that you care, sat on your arse all day chewing bacon butties and laughing manically.

    Young kids buy CR with their pocket money.

  12. piqued Says:

    Dave, be fucking handy if you didn’t suddenly start talking about another show without mentioning it first

  13. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Piqued – I haven’t gotten the hang of this ‘being clear’ thing yet.

  14. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – I think you’ll find that Doors special contained at least one new piece of material, written by me, right at the back. Though this in no way justifies the magazine’s frankly outrageous price tag, it does mean you can’t complain you’ve bought something that contains nothing but recycled images and already published copy. A clever trick on behalf of the publishing company, eh?

    As for kids spending their money on CR? Well that’s their own stupidity. If they had any sense, they’d buy cans of lighter gas, porno mags and packets of ten, the idiots.

  15. piqued Says:

    NC issa Ghost-faced post killa

  16. Swineshead Says:

    I was listening to Wu Tang on my way to work this morning, as it happens.

  17. Napoleon Says:

    Wu Tang? Is that a martial art? How do you listen to kung-fu?

  18. Swineshead Says:

    It’s a hip hop collective, Napoleon, that is the abbreviated form of their name.
    Are you keen on the hip hop genre?

  19. Napoleon Says:

    Is that what they call rap music nowadays? If it is, then no I’m bloody not. I’m not interested in music that’s all about bums and jewellery, thanks very much.

  20. Swineshead Says:

    It’s got a bit of killing in it too.

  21. Napoleon Says:

    By the way – Mature Cheddar & Red Onion Kettle Chips are SHIT. I was hoodwinked into a two for £2 deal on ’em at TESCO’s yesterday, and I wish I hadn’t bloody bothered now. Should have gone for Royster’s T-Bone steak flavour, alas, alas.

  22. Napoleon Says:

    Killing? Stallone-style killing?

  23. indy Says:

    no. if you mean hanging out with talibans and killing by using bow and arrow.

  24. Napoleon Says:

    I like that bit in Rambo III where he’s in a ditch with the colonel, and there’s the entire Soviet Afghan army outisde his ditch. The colonel jammers that Rambo hasn’t a rat’s chance in hell of getting clear of the situation, and Rambo mutters ‘Fuck it’ and then stands up and kills the lot of ’em with a gun he’s had off of a helicopter. Bloody ace, that was.

  25. indy Says:

    great scene. got to admit it. from that moment on i’ve always put a “hellfire” automatic cannon on top of my christmas wish list

  26. Clarry Says:

    Back to Secret Millionaire…

    I must say that when I watched that episode I thought that James Benamor’s house was distinctly shit for a millionaire – maybe he was aware that he was living the good life on borrowed time? Either that or he was a right skinflint. Being so unscrupulous, he probably makes the wife and small toddlers pay rent.

    I didn’t have you down as a fan of the Wu SH.

  27. Napoleon Says:

    They worked out the kickback from that gun would have broken Rambo’s arm, his shoulder, his hand, his wrist, his collarbone and most of his ribs. I don’t reckon it would of done, mind, as he’s hard as nails is Rambo.

    I also like the bit in Rambo II where he cauterizes a bullet wound using gunpowder, a lighter, and steely, Reaganite spunk.

  28. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Am I alone in thinking that Roadhouse is not only the best film of the 80s but simply one of the best films ever made?

  29. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve got much love for hippity pip pip hip hip hop, Clarry. Have done from quite an early age. I don’t talk about it at length because, despite my innocent enthusiasm, I don’t like to see people around me slowly becoming embarassed for me. I’m like the anti-Westwood.

    I was having a conversation with someone on facebook the other day regarding what line we’d use if we’d just smacked Hitler in the face in an action move…

    Mine involved sneaking up behind him, tapping him on the shoulder and saying (and forgive the spelling)…

    Spreken ze deutsche, motherfucker?

    Before planting a right hook right on his kipper.

  30. Napoleon Says:

    Roadhouse is good, but certainly not the best film of the 80s. That, as anyone who isn’t a blithering idiot knows, is Red Heat. I’d put Roadhouse at number 7 on my top ten best films of all time list – just under Over The Top, and one place higher than Demolition Man.

    And may your bowels erupt shitting from your nostrils if you disagree with me.

  31. daveselectricblanket Says:

    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=MOG255GTE8g

    That song is brilliant. I bought their album on the strength of it back in the day.

  32. ugeine Says:

    Disabled pensioner Shirley O’Sullivan was also certain that she was going to get a loan: “The way they talked to me I was 100 per cent sure they were trying to help. They seemed such nice people and I thought ‘they understand’.”

    I’ve never wanted to form a lynch mob before now.

  33. Swineshead Says:

    Shame about the Flintstones connection though, eh Dave?

  34. Clarry Says:

    SH – Yeah, me too.

    Also does anyone else agree tht James Benamor looks like an evil Jason Statham (Kelly Brook’s ex goon)?

  35. Toothed Varmint Says:

    But disagree I must, sadly. Red Heat is not bad but certainly not the best. The villain in it is too inaccurate and ridiculous to be truly great. And Arnie just doesn’t look Russian enough. I prefer Raw Deal to Red Heat.
    Over the Top is just boring, Night Hawks or Cobra (!) are miles better.
    Demolition Man I haven’t seen since it’s release. And I was drunk then and remember it only vaguely.

  36. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t remember there being hippopitty music in the Flintsones. Wasn’t that show made in the 50s?

    WIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

  37. daveselectricblanket Says:

    True. Not as embarrassing as their Playstation ‘Taste the Pain’ fighting games though, which were rubbish yet continue to thrive.

    I like hip-hop. Listening to The Cool Kids a daft amount at the moment.

  38. Swineshead Says:

    He looks like that footballer whose name and team I can’t recall.

    His house was rubbish, I remember the shot of him in it with his wife and kids. Terrible taste, these vultures.

  39. Swineshead Says:

    It was also a dreadful remake starring John Goodman and Rick Moranis, as well you know, Nappers.

    Dave – I think Clarry and I have tacitly agreed that our hip hop preferences should be kept somewhat under wraps… you might want to observe the silence.

    (Much love for ODB, RIP)

    *peace out*

  40. Napoleon Says:

    TV – By God, I hope your guts are gushing out of your nose right now! Though I’ll not argue over the quality of films such Raw Deal and Cobra, I’m damned if some potato-guzzling drunkard from a country filled to bursting with serial murderers and rapists is going to tell ME his choice of action movies is better than mine! How dare you! For your ill-informed information, Arnie looks plenty Russian as he’s wearing a furry hat with a hammer and sickle logo on it! Jesus! Next you’ll be telling me Dolph Lundgren wasn’t Russian enough in his careful portrayal of the mighty Soviet hard-man Ivan Drago! Damn you and your supposed knowledge of action movies, TV! DAMN YOU!

  41. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – I’d forgotten about the remake. I’ve not seen it, but assume it’s about as much fun to watch as it would be to witness Piqued licking his own shit off of a square of toilet paper?

  42. piqued Says:

    *saunters in*

    You’ll never guess what I at lunch!

    …oh

  43. Napoleon Says:

    I merely used your name for illustration purposes, Piqued. I could well have said Dave pulling turds from a dog’s anus, or the late, lamented Tombstone drinking liquified horse shit from a turkey baster.

  44. Swineshead Says:

    ‘Lamented’??

    I can let him back in if so…

  45. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Dolph Lundgren was good, I’ll grant you that. Looks kinda like me, only less musculine. But Arnie is just too bulky and graceless to be believable as a Russian. He doesn’t look like he can relax and enjoy himself with a mug of steaming vodka and a beetroot croissant. Pha! Arnie is a fake Russian and no mistake.
    As for your slanderous and deeply hurtful insinuations, all I can say is just that – Please be aware that I have a lump of Polonium and I am not afraid to use it!
    Red Hit. Red Shit more like. You goon.

  46. Napoleon Says:

    Did I say ‘lamented’? My apologies, I meant ‘demented’.

  47. daveselectricblanket Says:

    http://www.dumpalink.com/videos/Chimpanzee_on_a_segway-12h2.html

    This is the best thing ever.

  48. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Heat. Man, I need lunch.

  49. Clarry Says:

    Did anyone watch the prog about Rock Stars’ Wives the other night? That was quite interesting.

  50. Swineshead Says:

    Missed it Clarry, Sadly.

    Dave – that is a good link.

  51. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Wanted Dead or Alive is near the top of my action movies list. Rutger Hauer, Gene Simmons, evil Muslims, grenade in mouth. Lovely.

  52. Napoleon Says:

    That’s right! When in doubt, what does Ivan do? Resorts to polonium poisoning, that’s what! Well you’ll not get me with your poisonous umberellas, d’ye hear? I’m British, and I’ve been cooking in a posionous chemical stew provided by our farmers and our water companies from the day I was born. A dose of polonium would be no worse than catching a cold to your average Britisher, TV, so do your worst.

    And you’re WRONG about Arnie. He is the most authentic-looking Russian Austrian man who has ever walked this earth. You’d know this if your brain hadn’t been turned to mush after spending thirty years eating cabbage stalks cooked in diesel oil in a rat-infested, Stalinist block of flats on the outskirts of Prypiat. That’s right – PRYPIAT!

  53. piqued Says:

    Has anyone seen The Little Mermaid?

  54. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t like The Little Mermaid for two reasons:

    1. It’s shit.
    2. The king in it looks too much like Dick Van Dyke does in Diagnosis Murder for my liking.

  55. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Aerial is hot, isn’t she Piqued?

    Although, sex’d be an issue [insert Ricky Gervais joke]. LOL!

  56. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Pripyat is in the Ukraine! Ah-ha-ha, how I beat you with my superior geographical knowledge of Eastern Europe!
    Anyway, you British with your starched collars, bowler hats, cucumber sandwiches, porridge-filled hearts, stiff lips and stiffer brains! You stink of cat wee and lost imperial pride! You may smile and fuff around with polite words and fancy manners, but behind that jovial Fred facade beats a vicious West heart. We Russians drink and fuck, but we never – you hear me? NEVER! – stoop so low as to eat a foodstuff called “toad-in-the-hole” or panic at the mere sight of slight snow. And we know a fake Russian when we see one. And Arnie is one.

    *leaves podium, stumbling ever so slightly*

  57. piqued Says:

    I’ve not seen The Little Mermaid

  58. ugeine Says:

    Er…

  59. daveselectricblanket Says:

    I own more more Disney DVD’s than Matthew Kelly, Piqued. Come round for tea and I’ll let you look at my chest.

  60. ugeine Says:

    The Little Mermaid was frightfully inaccurate, I find. And the Lion King.

  61. piqued Says:

    No thank you Dave, I don’t know where you’ve been

  62. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I like The Sword in the Stone. Oh, and Dumbo.

  63. piqued Says:

    The only Disney film I like Is Anal Teen Squirters

  64. Napoleon Says:

    I know it’s in the Ukraine, you boiled beetroot-scoffing drunk! I was referring to the good old days when you were all shackled together as prisoners in the iron fist of the Soviet Union. As anyone who isn’t insensible with drink will tell you, the Ukraine, Belarus, Estonia, Tajikistan etc. were short-handed to ‘Russian’ here in the free world. So I’m right, you radiation-deformed, Ukranian monstrosity.

    And as for your filthy slanders against the mighty kingdom I note you’re now hiding in? Piffle! In less tolerant times (ie, the 1550s in England, or the 1980s in Russia), you would be dragged from your house and strangled with chains for uttering such filth. HOW DARE YOU!

    And Arnie’s THE authentic example of Russian manhood. He is, he is, he is. So there.

  65. Napoleon Says:

    Disney stinks. I went off ’em when they persuaded the lethal Snake Plissken to do the voice of a fox in one of their awful films.

  66. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Arnie played a brilliant white wolf in Doctor Dolittle 2. He’s a diverse actor indeed.

  67. Napoleon Says:

    Indeed he is, Dave. Not only can he turn his hand to authentic Russian policemen, but also nursery school teachers, pregnant men and Danny De Vito’s twin brother. We lost a big gun the day he went into politics. Who – I ask you, WHO? – could we get to play a Russian policeman as convincingly as he can when they get round to making Red Heat II?

  68. daveselectricblanket Says:

    You don’t know the half of it. It’s a conspiracy bigger than Zeitgeist Addendum, and it’s about to blow.

    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=p0NvlH0FfmA

  69. Toothed Varmint Says:

    >Ukraine, Belarus, Estonia, Tajikistan etc. were short-handed to ‘Russian’ here in the free world.
    Well, that’s just goes to show how ignorant you are in your thought-free world! It’s like saying that the Scots, the Welsh and the Irish are all English! Ha-ha-ha! Hold on, that’s what happens anyway. I never knew there were such people as the Welsh before cominge here… Er… Well, anyway.
    As for my filthy slanders against this mighty kingdom – all I can say is that a) I am not just hiding here, I am destroying the system from within and they pay me well with mashed swede, pig trotters and aftershave, b) I will be rewarded in the afterlife with a harem of 78 female shot-putters (they know how to sque-e-e-eze) and c) I’ve said too much already and will now have to kill you. With sarcasm if everything else fails!

  70. Napoleon Says:

    That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows the Scotch, the Welsh and the Oirish are the servants of the English, whereas the former inhabitants of the constituencies of the Soviet Union are all Russians, all of ’em. You can spot a Russian, be he Russian, Ukranian, Latvian etc. by these characteristics:

    1. A hostile countenance.
    2. A strong smell of methylated spirits mixed with steroids coming off him.
    3. A furry hat with a hammer and sickle on it.
    4. A tendency to stand in a queue and wait in it for eight days just in case it leads to a much-sought after valve for a 1950s Elektrodelo radio.

  71. Nick T Says:

    There are Welsh “people”.

    What do they do then?

  72. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – That’s a pretty earth-shattering conspiracy you’ve unearthed there. Mind you, it’s not as earth-shattering as one I’ve been formulating after watching every single 9/11 conspiracy film Google Video has to offer. I strongly believe – epecially when I’ve been drinking – that the twin towers of the World Trade Center were never knocked down in the first place. That’s right! If you go to New York today, you’ll see the skyscrapers are still there. How is this possible? Because, whenever New York is featured on the live news, evil sorcerer David Copperfield uses his magic to make them disappear! Copperfield has previous when it comes to making landmarks disappear in that city, and how do we know the 9/11 attacks weren’t done by Hollywood computer people to fool us?

    Don’t believe their lies.

  73. Toothed Varmint Says:

    It’s not hostility, it’s solemn dignity and zen-like acceptance of life’s vagaries combined with deep-seated mistrust and, frankly, hatred of foreigners. Plus thinly veiled agression and just waiting for an excuse to have a go.
    We are a complicated bunch.
    No-one understands us.
    Sob.

  74. Napoleon Says:

    I see you’re not denying the fur hat, the queuing for obsolete radio parts, or the stench of meths and performance-enhancing drugs? I’ve got the measure of you people.

  75. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I can’t deny the undeniable, Napoleon. I may be a nogoodnik, but I am nothing if not objective.
    Don’t knock the fur hats though – they are ace. It’s a status thing in a way. The bigger the hat… My hat is HUGE. It’s the only hat on earth that is visible from space.

  76. Napoleon Says:

    Surely that prize goes to the hats worn by Soviet navy admirals? I once tried one of those on, and the weight of it broke my spine.

  77. Toothed Varmint Says:

    It’s one of my pet faves – Russian military hats. Such a treasure-trove! Now, THAT is a status symbol. The higher the rank the bigger and more elaborate the hat. They are bespoke, you know. There are famous hat-masters.
    My sergeant in the army had an enormous hat, which was agains the rules but was tolerated by the commanders because he was an indispensable and deeply scary man. He evoked this abiding respect of hats in me.

  78. Napoleon Says:

    I must say I always admired those hats. When you watched those vast military parades in the 80s, I was never all that bothered by the rows of marching soldiers, the out-of-date atomic missiles, the World War II-era tanks or the giant red banners depicting a bald geography teacher with a moustache; it was always the rows of po-faced generals and admirals in their twenty-foot high hats I looked forward to. One fella (who was probably later shot for getting too big for boots) had a hat that towered to the height of the highest dome of St. Basil’s cathedral. You literally have to take your hat off to a hat of that magnitude.

  79. Swineshead Says:

    If you take your hat off to a man with a hat of that magnitude I literally doff my cap to you, sir.

  80. Swineshead Says:

    Hooray! It’s time for…

    The WWM Google Search of the Day!

    ‘ruth lorenzo nipples’

    Apologies to the dribbling onanist who typed that into their search engine in search of Hispanic aureoles – all you got was Napoleon and a Toothed Varmint discussing hairy hats.

  81. Napoleon Says:

    That would leave me in a rather sticky predicament, Swineshead. Having already removed my hat in deference to a far superior hat, I would have no hat to doff in response to your doffing. Can any readers suggest a way out of the potentially disasterous social dilemma I would find myself confronted with?

  82. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Might go to The City Raj for a curry tonight. What’s everyone else having for teatime?

  83. Swineshead Says:

    I think hat doffers who have found others responding with a mirrored doff are forced to repeat their initial doff. This can cause an endless doff cycle and is to be avoided.

    So yes – any ideas gratefully received.

  84. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Eat the offending hat!

    Oh, I forgot to mention that my sergeant’s surname was Shapka, which means “a hat”. Not “a military hat”, granted, but nonetheless. I am not even joking. Sergeant Hat in his enormous hat. Beating a new recruit with a sock filled with sand.
    Ah, happy days.

  85. Swineshead Says:

    I’m having mash, peas and pork sausages. Maybe some fried mushrooms.

  86. Napoleon Says:

    It’s bacon, mushrooms, sausages, fried eggs and a fried slice for me tonight. All washed down with a big mug of tea in front of Christine Breetches off of The One Show.

  87. Toothed Varmint Says:

    I’ll probably have a pie of some sort. I love pies, me.
    But not steak and kidney. That’s a culinary abomination.

  88. ugeine Says:

    Tonight I’m having free ranged corn fed chicken breast with a jus of Tuscany garlic and Cornish Dairy Cream, in bredcrumb, with a side of free range Dublin potatoes fried with cracked sea salt.

    (Keiv and chips)

  89. Napoleon Says:

    Oh no it’s not, TV. Steak and Kidney is the king of pies, closely followed by Steak and Ale, Steak, and Steak and Mushroom. If you don’t agree, I call down a curse upon thee that’ll force your lower intestine out through the pupil of your right eye.

    *pops off to the Post Office*

  90. daveselectricblanket Says:

    I wish we had pie and mash places in Manchester. Mash it good. Pie is good. That’s the thought process I followed right there.

  91. Swineshead Says:

    You came across a bit caveman there, Dave.

    MASH IT GOOD

  92. Swineshead Says:

    I got hold of all the Louis Theroux episodes last night (some of the Weird Weekends I realised I hadn’t seen). I love the internet.

    So it’s wall to wall Theroux for me tonight. I’m footballed out after last night.

  93. Toothed Varmint Says:

    Much as is pains me, it’s another disagreement. How contrary we are…
    Kidneys remind me of piss. I wonder why that could be?
    Why do you eat kidneys and don’t eat lungs? Lungs are good, I imagine. Spongy. Remind people of air, not piss.
    Why do you eat offal in Britain, anyway? You are not French. The French eat shit, I know, I was served ssomething called Andouille and it was just a lower intestine filled with poo. With nice herbs, naturally.

  94. ugeine Says:

    TV: you’re talking about a nation that considers congealed pig blood as a national dish.

  95. Toothed Varmint Says:

    You’ve got a point there. Ugeine.

  96. daveselectricblanket Says:

    I’ve never understood why people consider the blood disgusting, yet are quite happy to eat the muscle. Black pudding is good stuff.

  97. Napoleon Says:

    I for one would love todrink out of my grandfather when he pops his clogs …

    http://www.ashesintoglass.co.uk/

  98. charliemingles Says:

    That’s ironic. Drinking out of my grandmother is what killed her in the first place.

  99. Napoleon Says:

    TV – Enjoy those guts coming out of your eye, you mutated Ukranian freak.

  100. daveselectricblanket Says:

    The necklace looks like a Push-Pop – you remember them.

    http://www.ashesintoglass.co.uk/necklace.html

    I’d be offended if my ashes were made into any of the Argos shit they have on that site.

    No, my inevitable end will involve being found naked on a sofa by my neighbour who found it odd I had three months worth of milk outside my door. The funeral, on account of my being a loner, will be paid for by you, the taxpayer, in some shed of a funeral parlor in Slough.

    Twice.

  101. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Why didn’t they call themselves ‘ashes to glasses’ as well? Answer me that.

    The domain isn’t in use.

  102. Napoleon Says:

    That sounds about right, Dave. Though I would add the neighbour will probably find you naked with your dick in a melon wot’s got Sarah Michelle Gellar’s photo taped to it.

  103. daveselectricblanket Says:

    I’ll probably – due to my extreme obesity and type two diabetes – be impotent by thirty. I could always use a matchstick as a splint though, thinking about it.
    That’s how I’ll be found.

    And it won’t be a melon – I wouldn’t be able to afford such a luxury – it’ll be an empty packet of Tesco Value 9p Noodles. Prawn cocktail flavour. And a feral rat will be burrowed up my prolapsed arsehole, mothering its young.

  104. Napoleon Says:

    And here’s me just about to have my tea.

  105. Cameron Johnston Says:

    “But when the paperwork comes through, the clients don’t get the loans they were expecting. Instead, they are simply sent the phone numbers of other banks and lenders”

    I don’t think anyone understands what a Broker does. They FIND a lender for you, they dont lend money? So why would they expect a loan, do they really think they pay a fee for them to transfer their loan into their account? A Broker searches for a lender that can accept you, fair enough they will send you a phone number of a lender or a bank, but this is the company that will accept you? Quite often you will recieve a guarantor option too, but in most cases you dont actually have to go with this lender?

    I think too many people hear the words “we can help you” and jump with excitement straight into it. Completely brushing over the fact that these companies clearly state that they cannot guarantee a loan amount or APR rate.

    All I can say is LISTEN to what they say. I went through one of James Benamor’s brokers, and because I listened to what they had to say I was happy. I was ripped off by YES LOANS, so I asked Advantage loans if I need a guarantor? They said that they always send their in-house lender FLM as an extra, but their most suitable lender wont require a guarantor. I thought, fair enough. I paid Advantage loans and when I recieved my lender documents, there we’re two forms from FLM and an ASDA option. I got my loan with ASDA and very happy.

  106. joe the crow Says:

    Chek Whyte what a cunt, its like me saying ive got £10,000 and ill gve you £27 of it but I wont give you £27 i will give you £27 of my help

  107. Phil Says:

    Look at it this way; Benamor is not doing anything that is not permitted by UK law. If people look more carefully and use their brains a bit they will realise that the company is NOT a loan company but a brokerage. It charges for a service. It may not always be able to meet its stated aims and in that case the customer is entitled to a full refund. There is nothing wrong with this. There are lots of times when we have all been stupid in not reading the small print. This applies to all business, from insurance, to banks, to shopping at Dixons for a TV. YOU HAVE TO READ THE SMALL PRINT. Dont be ignorant and stupid, or it will cost you. Then you will learn to use your brain a bit the next time. That way we all become a bit more savy. Advantage is not a loan company but a brokerage. People need to inform themselves as to what they are getting into before they part with their money.

  108. Phil Says:

    At the end of the say, if people still feel this is a bad practice, then you have to lobby your MP to change the law. The target of your criticism should be UK law and not Benamor who is only doing what every other business does and will do.

  109. Swineshead Says:

    Phil, the simple fact is that these companies don’t need to exist. Furthermore, they exist simply to make money out of the disadvantaged – precisely the people least likely to read the smallprint. No doubt the law is to blame and ultimately this is a political issue – but that doesn’t excuse parasites like Benamor.

    Gun law in America seems ludicrous to most of us Brits, but if an American gets shot, you blame the shooter first and foremost, don’t you?

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