I was trying to avoid bringing this up as I don’t believe it deserves the oxygen of publicity – especially after the Daily bloody Mail have got their idiot paws all over it. They were bound to when there’re images of the Satanic Sluts involved. Anything that tittilates the readers whilst giving them a heart attack, right?
You know the drill – Jonathan Ross appeared on Russell Brand’s Radio 2 show, Russell Brand got ridiculously over-excited, silly phone calls were made, a nice old man called Andrew Sachs who we all remember as Manuel got upset.
The dust settles. One week later, The Daily Mail make an issue of it. Suddenly complaints are made in their hundreds and there are calls for sackings.
I’m getting stuck into a debate over here at Andrew Collins’ blog. My view is that this isn’t front page news, nobody should be sacked and that the Daily Mail is a toilet-rag.
Anyone think differently?
Tags: Andrew Sachs, BBC, Entertainment, Moral Outrage, Radio, Radio 2, Russell Brand, Teacup Storms, The Satanic Sluts, The UK
Watch With Mothers 
October 28, 2008 at 9:30 am
I’ve just googled these Satanic Sluts. I’d be surprised if someone hadn’t fucked Sachs’s granddaughter, frankly.
October 28, 2008 at 9:37 am
I actually agree. It’s not news. It would have been had Sachs come over to the studio and smacked the cretins silly. Or if he had a heart attack and his dying words were “Blame Ross and Brand for my untimely demise!” As it is, it’s just another stupid stunt to make the Daily Mail readers feel outraged about the meeja. People bloody love to be outraged.
Ross and Brand are pricks for sure, but we all knew this.
October 28, 2008 at 10:13 am
It’s failing to make me feel outraged. Still, I do think it’s time Ross grew the fuck up a bit. And Brand.
Swines, I trust you will be reviewing Dead Set? (I rather enjoyed it)
October 28, 2008 at 10:15 am
I’m not a Daily Mail reader, but I do find Brand and Ross’s behaviour pretty distasteful. If somebody rang up my grandfather and told him they’d fucked my twenty two year old cousin, and then suggested the news may lead him to top himself, I’d tear the infantile little cunt’s head off. I wonder if you’re only dismissive of this because you like the woefully unfunny Brand?
And that Dead Set was SHIT.
October 28, 2008 at 10:16 am
Sorry, but yeah, I do.
Just because the Daily Mail are predictably overegging it and getting a stiffy at the same time doesn’t mean it’s right and doesn’t mean these two don’t deserve a critical kicking.
It was boorish, hectoring and simpering; two very rich and successful men indulging in a spot of mutual masturbation to prove to each other how deliciously funny and talented they both are.
I am actually glad it provoked a minor storm, because the people complaining are from all sides of the spectrum, fans of different types of comedy but all agreed on this; it had no value.
I’m not offended by this – I’m a Jerry Sadowitz fan, this is positively Primary 3 compared to him – I just think it is sad. The worst part of this isn’t that it’s not funny; it’s that they genuinely thought it was (Brand apparently still does.)
It says more about two permanent adolescents than anything on here ever could.
What we have is yet more proof that Brand isn’t so much an attention seeker as an attention demander and that Ross will do anything to maintain the pretence that he’s mates with younger celebs.
So not offensive, just sad.
October 28, 2008 at 10:16 am
I’ll not be reviewing Dead Set as it was alright. It wasn’t great, but I liked the bit with the fire extinguisher.
Not really worthy of a review as it was ok, and didn’t really fire my imagination. Maybe at the end of the series.
October 28, 2008 at 10:20 am
Seeing as I thought it was gubbins, shall I review it?
October 28, 2008 at 10:20 am
Sadowitz is a cock. I’ve met the bloke and he really is a fucking wanker who upset a lot of people who didn’t deserve to be upset the time I met him. Just to make that clear. I think anyone who is a fan of a bloke who spits at his audience is a poor judge of what’s funny and really hasn’t got much say in any of this!
Now…
– Yes, I like Brand
– I simultaneously dislike Ross
– I love Andrew Sachs like everyone else.
– I hate the Daily Mail
– I didn’t find the clip funny (apart from the first bit where Ross shouts ‘HE FUCKED YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER) but it was a guilty chuckle
All of this collides to make me dismissive.
But what I think doesn’t really matter, this is one for you chaps.
October 28, 2008 at 10:22 am
I’d rather you didn’t Napoleon as I can predict your take on it. We need unity on this here site.
October 28, 2008 at 10:24 am
Actually – don’t review it. I’ll definitely review at the end of the week.
October 28, 2008 at 10:26 am
Anyway – what I think this has really made clear is that Ross doesn’t dilute comedy talent – he rips it to shreds and stamps on it. He sends it in the wrong direction. He fucks it and eats it.
The signs were all there with Vic Reeves back in the 90s…
October 28, 2008 at 10:28 am
You can fuck off with that one Swineshead.
“a poor judge of what’s funny and really hasn’t got much say in any of this!” Odd line for someone bemoaning the Daily Mail. Seems a view that would sit quite comfortably with their staff. ‘I don’t like someone you like so you can’t talk about stuff’.
I think Russell Brand is about as funny as child illness but I don’t think you liking or disliking him gives you any more or less of a right to an opinion on anything.
October 28, 2008 at 10:31 am
Jesus, don’t take it so seriously ELM.
I’m hardly going to ban you on the strength of you liking a comedian I happen to think is an ugly, unfunny cunt with a major inferiority complex and a pathetic drinking habit.
October 28, 2008 at 10:32 am
Does ANYONE like Ross? I’ve never met anyone who does, never heard any good words about him on TV or in press, everyone seems to despise the guy (deservedly, I might add). But still – he’s everywhere all the time. Weird that.
October 28, 2008 at 10:34 am
What did you mean when you mentioned Vic Reeves earlier, Swineshead? I don’t get it…
October 28, 2008 at 10:35 am
A show of hands – who likes Ross?
*doesn’t raise hand*
October 28, 2008 at 10:35 am
I mean I love Reeves and Mortimer, but what they have to do with Ross?
October 28, 2008 at 10:35 am
Well, Ricky Gervais does like Ross. But so what?
October 28, 2008 at 10:36 am
Whenever Ross appeared with Vic Reeves it was like kryptonite to Reeves’s Superman. One appearance on Shooting Stars comes to mind. Ross tried to get in on Vic’s act and it didn’t work at all well.
October 28, 2008 at 10:38 am
Ah fair enough. Major work-related stress day. I shouldn’t be so snippy mind, so apologies.
I still think RB is a gimp, though.
October 28, 2008 at 10:42 am
Fair dos – I have a feeling you’re not alone in that, ELM.
TV – are you alright? You sound like a confused Andrew Sachs.
October 28, 2008 at 10:46 am
When asked if he forgave Ross n Brand he replied, ‘only God forgives’. Let’s hope he does, with a daughter in a band called ‘Satanic Sluts’. That’s pretty offensive to Christian-types isn’t it?. And I won’t even go into how the Sicillian community must curse upon Sach’s name every single day for soiling their wonderful image.
Basically, this is a non-story. The media see the attention Woss and Brand get and want a little for themselves.
The show was hilarious.
October 28, 2008 at 10:47 am
I do not want that avatar…I look like an annoying, ginger Ronnies wannabe. Chris Evans, is he called?
October 28, 2008 at 10:48 am
It wasn’t hilarious. Aside from that (and I can’t believe I’m typing this), Dave’s quite right that it’s a non-story.
October 28, 2008 at 10:49 am
I am not from Barcelona, though…
Thnanks for asking, Swineshead, I’m just – how do you say it? – harried. And I’ve got a cold. So, yeah. I’ll get better, I usually do.
October 28, 2008 at 10:50 am
The weird thing is how great Jonathan Ross used to be and how far he’s fallen now. Basically it’s all smut and there is nothing that depresses me more than the word ‘saucy’.
Maybe we do all turn into sex-obsessed dirty old men? Maybe it is as simple as that?
If so, I’m heading off down the allotment to satart practacing a suitably Carry On voice and using phrases like ‘bet you don’t get many of them to the pound’.
October 28, 2008 at 10:58 am
It’s all a bit angry in here today, can’t we just all touch each other
*unzips*
October 28, 2008 at 11:00 am
My fingers are so cold and clammy, Piqued… Are you sure you’re up to it?
October 28, 2008 at 11:03 am
As it stands at the minute, I have absolutely no idea what to have for my lunch. I’m wavering on the cusp of a bratwurst in a bun with some o’ that gerwurtz sauce stuff. I suppose this makes me no better than Adolf Hitler, does it?
October 28, 2008 at 11:05 am
TV, I’ll warm up your digits
Try this on for size
*offers up acorn sized prong*
October 28, 2008 at 11:07 am
Ahhhh…
rgh….
October 28, 2008 at 11:07 am
i thought the first call was really silly but that it got better and better. the third call was really good and the part where ross and brand goes on about not repeating their mistakes was hilarious.
but the real villain is ross, who brought it up in the first place, right?
being from sweden i don’t know what status a sachs has in britain but i guess he is of similar popcultural importance as, let’s say, the vengaboys. is this about that he is a) a national treasure or b) an old man?
maybe they should start a new show where brand does his version of earl hickey’s list and gives calls to people whose granddaughters he has…
October 28, 2008 at 11:08 am
What sort of sauce is it, Napoleon?
I think I’ll have a Cornish pasty.
October 28, 2008 at 11:09 am
Can I delegate the lunch assessment task to someone else? NC?
October 28, 2008 at 11:11 am
Gerwurtz? It’s a sort of light curry sauce favoured by the Krauts. You get it put on your sausage along with that spineless mustard they eat when you buy a sausage from one o’ them vans at Christmas markets.
October 28, 2008 at 11:12 am
Indy, Sachs is famous as Manuel in Fawlty Towers, he hardly falls into ‘National Treasure’ status but I suppose he’s seen quite fondly.
Personally I couldn’t give a fucking shit either way.
October 28, 2008 at 11:13 am
Ross outclassed Brand all the way through. But I think that’s because Ross is a broadcasting bully and likes the sound of his own voice. Mark Llama did right to him on Buzzcocks when he shouted the fucker down.
October 28, 2008 at 11:13 am
Thank you. Another first for me. I’m still looking for tiger rolls…
October 28, 2008 at 11:14 am
I like Brand, and I like Ross. I think that if anybody rang up somebody and said those things in real life it would be quite offensive, especially the ‘I shagged your granddaughter’ bit, and they shouldn’t get any special treatment. That’s my view on how they acted.
However, one thing I find more offensive is faux outrage orchestrated by newspapers. If you were listening to the show, and you were offended, you’ve got the right to complain. If you weren’t listening but read about it and found their behaviour offensive, complain about it. My problem isn’t with people, moreso the Mail for making a storm. When you count the fact that they hate the BBC anyway it feels a bit contrived.
October 28, 2008 at 11:15 am
How did Ross start out? Was he on Channel 4?
October 28, 2008 at 11:16 am
Ugeine, people just love to be outraged about something. Don’t you love to feel outraged about stuff?
October 28, 2008 at 11:17 am
piqued: exactly. i’ve been to spain (catalonia!) and seen one too many drunken northern europeans doing the “i know nooothin'” routine to waiters, taxi drivers, male prostitutes down the rambla as well etc to appreciate that man. serves him well.
October 28, 2008 at 11:19 am
You’re skiving your luch examination duties, Swineshead? Bit cowardly of you, eh? A bit … French?
October 28, 2008 at 11:37 am
TV: It makes me really angry that people get outraged at things. Really, really angry. Outraged, in fact.
October 28, 2008 at 11:42 am
I can’t say I’m outraged by this whole shebang. I just think it’s a bit of a cuntish thing to do to an old fella. You know how grandads are about their grandkids – thinking they’re all sweetness ‘n’ light … regardless of whether the grandkids are in bands with the word ‘sluts’ in their name. For shame, etc.
I do think it’s a bit strong for folk to demand their dismissal. I can think of plenty of reasons why these talentless twerps should get the boot – just not for this.
October 28, 2008 at 11:45 am
I’m with you on that NC. It was cuntish and thick. But sackings shouldn’t be kneejerk things, they should be for the campaign of tedious television Ross has offered for the past few years.
October 28, 2008 at 11:53 am
Would’ve been much funnier if they phoned someone unpopular, like John Prescott or Jade Goody.
Or Vinnie Jones.
October 28, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Oh, I definitely wouldn’t go along with sackings. There’s far worse crimes inflicted on the viewing and listening public than their childish shenanigans. If people think Brand and Ross are the most offensive thing on Radio 2, they should try listening to Elaine Page’s fucking show. I’d have her birched for that atrocity. And don’t get me started on Aled Jones …
October 28, 2008 at 12:07 pm
TV – You can’t have a go at Jade ‘The Racist’ Goody at the minute, as she has fump cancer. Give her time to recover before you ring up the pig-faced, bigoted dickwit and call her an arse.
October 28, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I’m nuzzling up to Napoleon in agreement on this one. Anyway, Ross is too powerful; I’ve heard VERY reliable stories about him nastily wielding his power over those who arent’ number one in Media Guardian’s power 100 list.
October 28, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Oh, yeah, cancer, I forgot. She’s so BRAVE, isn’t she?
October 28, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Google Search of the day goes to…
jonathan ross is awful
Congratulations to the google searcher who weirdly typed in something relevant to find us. It’s a rare occurance.
October 28, 2008 at 12:15 pm
‘The Media Guardian’s Power 100 List’? I imagine if you went to St. Paul’s cathedral, descended into the crypt and spoke those words in between the tombs of Nelson and Wellington, the two would come roaring from their graves and strangle you on the spot.
October 28, 2008 at 12:17 pm
i think the “soft target angle” was exactly what was great about the whole thing. mr sachs is a very unlikely target for this kind of prank and that’s what made me laugh. the pointlessness is the humour.
and i can’t wait til the day in 2065 when the elderly mr brand listens to his own answering machine and hears some one shouting that he or she has shagged brand’s grandchildren.
October 28, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Speaking of offensive things: I was offended that Girls Aloud appeared on the telly the other day to sing their excellent new song wearing clothes. I found it highly offensive that these girls weren’t nude (even the ginger one nobody likes).
Ooo! An ice cream van! I’m off for a 99, me …
October 28, 2008 at 12:34 pm
“they’re justified and they’re ancient and they drive an ice cream van”
October 28, 2008 at 12:39 pm
And then they went and acted like twats by burning a million quid.
October 28, 2008 at 12:50 pm
…and made a film about it and showed it to the people of sarajevo in the days of the balkan wars. art.
October 28, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Art, was it? Not a fucking waste of money that could have gone to a charity, then? I didn’t realise it was art – my mistake.
‘S’gone a bit quiet in ‘ere, eh?
October 28, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Girls Aloud burnt a million quid? When?
October 28, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Fancy doing us a ‘just a thought’, NC?
We’ll save Dead Set till Friday as agreed, mind…
October 28, 2008 at 1:09 pm
What I don’t get about this whole furore is that the show was pre-recorded, so surely it’s the person that okayed its output that should be in troubs? They obviously didn’t find it all that offensive, which kinda goes to show how ridiculously it’s been blown out of proportion a week or so later. They say that there’s been 1,500 complaints about it and I bet about 1, 450 of those complaints came yesterday after it was broadcast on the news.
Talking of ridiculous lyrics… That Wire to Wire song’s a piece of shit, what is this supposed to mean? It didn’t help that when I heard it, that I thought he was saying a ‘face full of rust’. Even still, how desperately was he trying to think of something to rhyme with trust?
How do you love with fate full of rust?
How do you turn what the savage take?
You`ve been looking for someone you can trust
Who will love you, again and again
TV – Go to Tesco for the tiger bread. Also, did you manage to watch that silly forklift safety video yet?
October 28, 2008 at 1:14 pm
A ‘Just A Thought’? Well I was just about to nip to Sainsbury’s to get some lunch. I’ve only had a 99 today, and that’s not going to win me any prizes in your complicated food game. D’ye mind if I do one when I get back (should be an hour tops)?
October 28, 2008 at 1:15 pm
I’m sure I can allow you to fill your pot-belly… but be swift.
October 28, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Clarry, I only have M&S and Waitrose in my vicinity… Does it make me a posh twat? I am determined, though. I WILL find tiger rolls even if it entails boldly going to the place, where the unwashed come to buy their mucky sustenance…
I am talking bollocks, of course. We have a Tesco Express, but they don’t have tiger rolls there.
As for the video – I watched it and recommended it to everyone I could think of. Thank you!
October 28, 2008 at 1:20 pm
I’d listen to “Thought for the Day” with either or both of you. On Radio 4.
October 28, 2008 at 1:34 pm
TV – I’m fairly certain that you could get either the rolls or the loaf version in a Tesco Express – just look in the freshly baked section not the ordinary bread aisle.
October 28, 2008 at 1:43 pm
sachs crime. cri-cri-cri-crime
*singing in a very low voice while assisting danish caveman to get his outlook in to “online” mode*
October 28, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Quarter Pounder, fries and a coke from everybody’s favourite evil coproration, McDonalds.
*throws down the gauntlet*
October 28, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Cornish pasty, cream-soda, Wispa.
October 28, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I’m soooo happy that Wispa is back! They need to bring Wispa Gold back too, though.
October 28, 2008 at 1:59 pm
fish and chips with remoulade sauce and lemon slice. served with sallad buffet.
October 28, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Dairylea sandwich, 2 apples and a packet of Worcester Sauce French Fries.
Oh yes.
October 28, 2008 at 2:39 pm
bananas on toast: the breakfast of champions.
http://charliemingles.wordpress.com/2008/10/28/spooks/
October 28, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Apparently the BBC face a £250,000 fine for Brand’s phone call. Piqued told me that with his words.
October 28, 2008 at 2:46 pm
As has probably been said already by someone else:
Listening to it as it went out, I thought the whole thing was really funny ( apart from the shit song) but I think its fair enough if old sachy was offended.
Is it true that they asked his permission before broadcasting it though? if so, thats a much more interesting story. and if so – whats the devious old cunt up to?
October 28, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I heard it in context on the podcast and I was amused. I’ve stopped reading about it now, it’s all become a bit silly.
October 28, 2008 at 2:52 pm
I dont really read daily newspapers. I only knew it was a big story when I turned on R4’s PM and – on the nations flagship news-show in amongst credit crunch, war and the upxoming us election – the headline story of the day was ‘ russel brand shags manuels grand-dauighter.’
I thought the sun had got their own pirate radio station. fun story though. I bet JR feels as if hes woken up like the old days with a bad hangover.
October 28, 2008 at 2:52 pm
‘Dairylea sandwich, 2 apples and a packet of Worcester Sauce French Fries.
Oh yes.’
Oh yes? I’d keep that fucking quiet if I were you Dave
October 28, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Why, Piqued? Because I packed myself the lunch of a small child?
October 28, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I note my comment never turned up on Collins’s site. I assume it was because it was silly.
October 28, 2008 at 2:58 pm
That happens to me most days, even when I sneak some Collins celebration in at the end to bamboozle him.
SH could learn much from AC, I reckon.
October 28, 2008 at 2:59 pm
I’ve just polished off a roast beef ‘n’ mustard baguette, an ENORMOUS bag of pretzels and a can of Vimto.
October 28, 2008 at 3:00 pm
I get the feeling hes been overwhelmed, though never knowlingly, by comments on that subject.
Does anyone know whether the rumour ( is it rumour or has it been confirmed) that sachs agreed to the broadcast is true?
PS: I loved fawlty towers but always thought manual was shite.
October 28, 2008 at 3:01 pm
See Dave, now that’s a fucking lunch
(save the Vimto)
October 28, 2008 at 3:03 pm
‘Is it true that they asked his permission before broadcasting it though?’
Good point, surely they would have had to have asked?
October 28, 2008 at 3:03 pm
my bananas on toast has just been followed by pork and leek sausages, overcooked to black and served with plain white bread and ketchup.
A cool glass of milk and a chelsea bun to follow.
October 28, 2008 at 3:03 pm
I just love the quote in this morning’s Metro…”Asked if he had forgiven Ross, [Sachs] replied ‘It is God who forgives'”
Forget anything you’ve done in the past Jonathan and Russell, thy art going to hell for this!
Oh, and I agree with you.
October 28, 2008 at 3:04 pm
yes. surely theyre legally obliged to ask his prermission?
October 28, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Dave – They don’t understand, do they? Up there in their ivory towers …
Now then … I see it’s all kicking off again in the Russell Brand / Jonathan Ross scandal. Apparently the politicians have started wading in now; demanding these two be sacked. On hearing that news, I’ve warmed to Herr Ross and Herr Brand considerably.
October 28, 2008 at 3:08 pm
As far as I know (and my knowledge of the workings media law and the radio rival that of Dave’s Dairylea Sandwich), it would depend on the nature of the sketch. I haven’t heard it, were they listening to his answer phone and then left a message with a few wisecracks in it?
October 28, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Apart from being vile, what’s wrong with Vimto?
October 28, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Yes, he gave permission before he checked his phone
Act in haste repent at leisure, still, as pointed out in the unpublished comment on Collins blog, won’t do her any harm when she appears in Heat, Closer, Grazia and The News of the World for the next fucking year with exclusives on her opinion will it…
World, Georgina Baillie, Georgina Baillie, judging by what you do for a living, here is the exposure you so desperately crave.
October 28, 2008 at 3:09 pm
(not to mention £££££££££££££££££££££££££’s)
October 28, 2008 at 3:11 pm
So he gave them permission without actually finding out what he was giving them permission for?
October 28, 2008 at 3:13 pm
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=y8QF83BrMEg
they’re good though aren’t they, the Satanic Sluts, here performing in front of a packed crowd of two, maybe?
October 28, 2008 at 3:14 pm
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=SdGPiSAeFuE&feature=related
Oooh, is gr8, reely gr8
October 28, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Piqued – You share the same fate as Dave and I when it comes to unpublished comments on Collins’s’ blog, eh? P’raps we should start up a support group?
“Hello, my name’s Napoleon, and it’s been three months since that rat Collins deemed my comment worthy of his attention.”
October 28, 2008 at 3:17 pm
The comments suddenly stopped, he may have nipped out for a long poo
October 28, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Northamptonians tend to be hard moderators. I once kicked a child in the shins for not reading the forum rules.
October 28, 2008 at 3:19 pm
PR Stunt?
October 28, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Collins is probably away from his computer, I wouldn’t fret.
October 28, 2008 at 3:21 pm
He could be having a poo … I didn’t think of that. It’s either that or he’s swanned off to his ivory tower to eat sturgeons, swans and oysters with his high-falutin’ showbiz mates. Hasn’t the time to scrub it down ‘ere with the rubbish, see? Too big for his boots, that’s his problem.
I’d have him flogged.
October 28, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I see he’s now published the missing comments. I retract my previous demand for him to be flogged.
October 28, 2008 at 3:30 pm
My final verdict on Brandgate:
Brand: Probably should have realised such a joke isn’t quite right to do about somebody you don’t know too well, and then broadcast such a joke. Then again, it was more of a faux par then an actual insult and we all make mistakes.
Manuel: Probably should have checked what was been broadcast before agreeing but as he’s been in the biz since the 70s and it’s a radio 2 show you can’t blame him for not checking. The ‘victim’ to Brand’s faux par. Is it moral justice for portraying Manuel, who wasn’t the most flattering portrayal of Spanish people ever?
Brand’s radio show people: Again, they can hardly have expected to have caused such an uproar but should have been more careful, as you’d expect having Brand they’d be used to such things…
The Daily Mail: absolutely no qualms with whipping up a meeja frenzy instead of proper journalism, which is the worse thing about brandgate.
October 28, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Nobody seems to have mentioned the fact Sachs was happy to be booted up the arse and have a spoon whacked into his forehead on national television back in the 70s. It’s the double standards of these ‘celebrities’ that gets my goat.
October 28, 2008 at 3:41 pm
quote from sachs, apparantly just in:
“I wasn’t attacked in any way. People are writing and talking about it, quite rightly. I am sorry that I am involved in it – I’m just fed up talking about it. I love the BBC. I have worked for them for over 50 years and I continue to work for them. Sometimes things can go wrong.””
October 28, 2008 at 3:42 pm
NC – Quite fucking right. He was also locked in a wicker basket with a corpse for half an hour – what right has he to complain about any of this?*
*even though he hasn’t really complained much.
October 28, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Holy crap, Brand punched him?
October 28, 2008 at 3:42 pm
I agree Napoleon. And dont forget that time he almost burnt the hotel down. the man is obviously deranged.
October 28, 2008 at 3:43 pm
I don’t love the BBC. Last night the bastards had the audacity to steal the ending of The Wild Geese lock, stock ‘n’ barrel and shove it at the end of Spooks! The cunts!
October 28, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I love the BBC.
October 28, 2008 at 3:46 pm
NEWS JUST IN: apparantly brand has also just admitted to shagging mrs richards whilst herds of wildebeast were sweeping magestically through the hanging gardens of babylon.
you cant make this stuff up!
October 28, 2008 at 3:47 pm
The BBC wants birching, Ugeine, BIRCHING! What next? Half-inch large chunks of The Heroes of Telemark and shove ’em in New Tricks?
October 28, 2008 at 3:48 pm
‘You couldn’t make it up’ is my favourite ironic catchphrase. The irony is Richard Littlejohn does, in most cases, make it up.
October 28, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Sorry NC, I hereby fine you £250,000 for BRANDing the BBC ‘cunts’
October 28, 2008 at 3:49 pm
what end bit exactly Napoleon? the cenotaph stuff?
October 28, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I’ve heard from a trustworthy source that he also assisted Polly in drawing an unflattering portrait of a hotel owner.
He was also responsible for the shambolic supporting wall demolition by Mr O ‘Reilly – disreputable Torquay-based builder.
October 28, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Napoleon, how can you attack something with ‘British’ in the name? If our majestic broadcasters want to nick an ending off of a film (a film that I’m fairly certain was about Irish people, I may add), then who are we to stop them?
October 28, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I love the BBC but Spooks are shite of the highest order. Or lowest, whichever is more apt.
October 28, 2008 at 3:55 pm
A female Chechen assasin called Tranquility. Fucking morons.
October 28, 2008 at 3:56 pm
It rolls off the tongue a bit easier then ‘mighty powerhouse of great socialist revolution’ TV.
October 28, 2008 at 3:58 pm
A comment on Andrew Collins’ site regarding yours truly. Is this woman drunk?
At Tue Oct 28, 03:29:00 PM , Joanne said…
Swineshead – She’s a *burlesque dancer*, not a prostitute or a murderer…or even a satanist or a slut (i’m sure the Daily Mail would have found out about that by now if it had any basis in reality).
Perhaps her grandfather is open minded about this. Perhaps what he takes issue at is a man telling the entire nation that he has “fucked” her.
Can you really not see the difference there?
Also, i’m getting really tired of your jibes at Andrew. It is dull, predictable and pathetic seeing your username and knowing you are going to try to stick the knife in.
You clearly despise him for whatever ridiculous reasons, so why do you bother reading his blog and listening to his podcast?
October 28, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Irk the purists, irk the purists, irk the purists it’s a right good laugh…
October 28, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Stop despising Andrew Collins, Swineshead! It’s ridiculous, predictable and dull!
October 28, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Charlie …
Wild Geese ending:
Faulkner arrives at his friend and colleague’s son’s public school to inform the boy of his father’s death. He finds the boy playing rugby in a red and yellow striped shirt. The boy turns, sees Faulkner and, without a word, realises his father is dead. The film ends with Faulkner placing his hand on the boy’s shoulder.
Spooks ending:
Harry arrives at his friend and colleague’s son’s public school to inform the boy of his father’s death. He finds the boy playing rugby in a red and yellow striped shirt. The boy turns, sees Harry and, without a word, realises his father is dead. The programme ends with Harry embracing the boy.
THE THIEVING BASTARDS.
October 28, 2008 at 4:04 pm
no such thing as bad publicity SH, you should know that.
I expect to see your centrespread in the new of the world this weekend.
I can loan you a basque if you need one.
October 28, 2008 at 4:04 pm
I can’t help myself. I just love to stick the knife in, even when in complete agreement with a bloke whose opinion I tend to sympathise with! It’s insane!
October 28, 2008 at 4:06 pm
I don’t think that Joanne bothered to either read or understand what you were saying, Swineshead. We all know what birds are like when it comes to logic, eh lads? Lads?
October 28, 2008 at 4:07 pm
CM – Basque – yes please, so long as it’s stained.
NC – LIST.
October 28, 2008 at 4:10 pm
List? What are you on about?
October 28, 2008 at 4:15 pm
it is stained SH. Stained with the tears of a thousand lonely nights.
will that do?
October 28, 2008 at 4:15 pm
>myriad of offensive humour on the internet
Lovely turn of phrase, Joanne.
I wonder if me laughing at English people’s semantics is akin to Charlie Brooker scolding everyone for taking a piss out of celebs.
October 28, 2008 at 4:20 pm
To be fair to Charlie, I don’t remember him ever sticking a knife into a celebrity for anything to do with their personal life.
October 28, 2008 at 4:21 pm
What you said, NC, was thoroughly sexist about those sexy womenfolk who – and let us never forget this – are so useful in the kitchen.
October 28, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Isn’t phoning up celebrity grandads and claiming to have shagged their grandaughter really the last taboo we have?
What with all the satanist sluts running around, there’s not much for controversial comedians to punch for these days.
October 28, 2008 at 4:24 pm
And lets not forget cleaning the bathroom SH. my ex-girlfriend used to get a really lovely fluffy sweet-smelling effect on all the bath towels. I always wondered how she acheived this. apparantly – she washed them.
marvelous stuff.
October 28, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Swineshead – Oh, that. Well if you get any complaints, send the birds my way and I’ll answer their twittering nonsense on a case-by-case basis.
I reckon this Joanne secretly wants to fellate you, by the way.
October 28, 2008 at 4:26 pm
I love the womens, me. They soft and smell nice.
October 28, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Bit of a sweeping statement, TV. My Great Auntie Irene has skin like a lizard’s, and stinks of piss.
October 28, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I’m just being unsexist, Napoleon. Can a chap be unsexist once in a while? I find it strangely exiting.
October 28, 2008 at 4:32 pm
I don’t think I’m the best-qualified person to answer that one, TV. You Russian boob.
October 28, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I love boobs!
tired, tired… It’s hard to be unsexist, I tell ya.
October 28, 2008 at 4:50 pm
‘(Oh, and for the record, I know that Swineshead loves me really, and although it’s sweet of you to defend my honour, Joanne, and I appreciate it, in this case I know there’s no real malice involved. It’s just lively cut and thrust.)’
*eyes well up*
Oh, you guys…
*sniffle*
October 28, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Elves in the woodlands marching to the tune of a tamberine hidden within the valleys of the uncorns that sway with the butterfly people and marmalade kings the squirrel pigeons and the acorn rings in the world of crayons and daffodil fairies IN THE LAND OF MAKEBELIEVE!!!!!
Andrew Collins, I respect you and your amazing career in broadcasting, writing and bein enthusiastic about everything and anything.
Oh, wait. Wrong blog.
October 28, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Dave, I think you’re supposed to wait for a few hours before taking another couple of spoons of cough medicine.
October 28, 2008 at 4:56 pm
BBC Radio Controller offers grovelling apology:
October 28, 2008 at 4:58 pm
sue pollards in that clip. I seem to remember some really fascinating anecdote about sue pollard from somewhere …
October 28, 2008 at 5:00 pm
That reminds me of a rather amusing story I heard not so long ago. Keep it between us, boys, and I’ll let you in on this little tale. Mum’s the word.
A friend of my mate’s shagged Su Pollard’s Granddad’s granddaughter.
*slaps thigh*
October 28, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Oh god, not the Sue Pollard story again. We’re all tired, had a drink, etc, etc.
October 28, 2008 at 5:09 pm
ah, I never tire of the pollard anedote.
*wipes away a wimsical tear*
October 28, 2008 at 5:09 pm
whimsical even
October 28, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Some drug-fuelled shit smashed into my housemate’s car last night outside my room at 1am. SMASH.
And I, Dave, recorded the license number and ran down the street in my boxers to get the number off a man with a dog who also noticed it. No idead, in retrospect, why I did the latter. SMASH.
October 28, 2008 at 5:14 pm
thats a fascinating anecdote dave. but its still not up there with the marvelous pollard piece. Youre merely doddery old peter ustinov to Swineshead’s suave witty david niven.
October 28, 2008 at 5:22 pm
It was very funny.
The old man should have been in.
He was supposed to be publicising some shit show on tv that he was in.
Fucking rude I call it.
I’m still away from my desk but I’m watching you ….with my eyes.
October 28, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Did I happen to mention I once saw Trigger at a railway station, Del Boy in a castle, Rodney by a canal, Mike sitting in a deck-chair, Boycie in a traffic jam and Uncle Albert in a tiny little shop in the West Country? That’s much better than his rotten old Sue Pollard story.
October 28, 2008 at 5:44 pm
I once stood next to steve coogan for 10 minutes. regular readers of my blog will have already heard this fascinating anecdote.
October 28, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Mingles – Are you trying to trump my Only Fools & Horses collection? If so, I’ll up the ante by saying Uncle Albert bought a tin of tomatoes, and sounded like an effeminate 18th century aristocrat when he thanked the shopkeeper.
Collins has discarded another of my comments. That’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back in my book. I’m going to war with that man on ITTODBTBIA next week.
October 28, 2008 at 6:12 pm
I have to agree with you. However, as far as I am aware, the paper from which the Daily Mail is made is not soft enough to be used as a toilet rag by many of us.
October 28, 2008 at 6:26 pm
you win NC. I look forward to your groundless attack on sweet-natured mister collins.
October 29, 2008 at 10:01 am
Hey, how come we’re spelling oxygen with an ‘i’ now?
October 29, 2008 at 10:05 am
We’re not – have you gone MAD?
Nice to see you around… even if your first comment in years is a criticism!
October 29, 2008 at 10:14 am
TYPO CHANGER!
The devil is in the details. Ask Goebbels.