The Friday Question – Objectionable


(video with kind permission of Media Lounge)

With Robert Kilroy-Silk returning to our screens thanks to those idiots over at I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here HQ, the mind turns to those characters who’ve appeared on the TV with alarming regularity who seem completely objectionable in almost every way.

Jeremy Kyle bounces into view, riding on the hefty shoulders of Nick Ferrari. In the far distance, the sound of James Whale and his godawful late night TV show.

I’m sure Richard Littlejohn was once on TV, and if Jon Gaunt hadn’t have ballsed up his radio show by calling that Tory a Nazi, he’d probably have got his own late night ITV2 slot too.

So, looking back from times past to the present day…

Who’s the most objectionable person you’ve seen on television?

Probably best if we stick with those  lacking in morality, ethics and tolerance rather than those whose accents or faces you don’t like…

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196 Responses to “The Friday Question – Objectionable”

  1. Dave Says:

    Clive Anderson.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    What’s old Clive ever done?

    stick with those lacking in morality, ethics and tolerance rather than those whose accents or faces you don’t like…

  3. Dave Says:

    Dunno but Richard Herring ruled Buzzcocks last night. Love his comedic style.

  4. Nick T Says:

    Jade Goodey, the scouser in X Factor, Chris Moyles, Michael Parkinson, Alan Tichmarsh, Jim Davidson, Bernard Manning and Jim Davidson (again),

  5. Swineshead Says:

    It was quite a good one last night. Nice to see the bloke from Does It Offend You, Yeah? make a tit of himself.

  6. Badger Madge Says:

    Dave, he so did! Bloody love that man!

    To answer: Galloway, anyone off GMTV

  7. Nick T Says:

    Sorry SH forgot “stick with those lacking in morality, ethics and tolerance rather than those whose accents or faces you don’t like…”
    I’ll just have JD then please..

  8. Dave Says:

    I saw them the other month, DIOYY, and it was the most horrifying gig I’ve been to in my life. Full of children. And the worst thing was my mate tapped on the shoulder of a ten year old lad and told him I fancied him. You’ve never seen a look of fear like it, quite haunting.

  9. ugeine Says:

    By that yardstick, I’d have to go for Littlejohn, Klye, and Oriley. He did have his own TV show, which I had the unpleasure to catch, and was like a toned down version of his column. The problem with pricks on television is our television is a lot more regulated then in the US or our printing press, so they can’t be as prickish over here, especially on a news show which is tied up with PSB regulations.

    Kyle, though, is a strange one. He must have a brilliant production team behind him as he’s skirting a very fine line. I’ve never seen somebody on television that’s so odious but mainly works in television. Littlejohn wouldn’t mind distorting some story or other to have a go at immigrants on the television because if he gets sacked he can go back to newspapers but Kyle is brave. And an egotistical, bullying cunt.

    Finally, Bill O’Reilley is just an arse. He pretends to be libertarian but he’s just a plain old Christian Conservative prick. His show is one of the main reasons I’m a fan of PSB, if anything like fox news came to England I’d move.

  10. Swineshead Says:

    Nick – you can still have sexist Moyles and the racists Jade and Manning. What a double act you’d have with them two…

    – So there was this African bloke in a launderette…
    – What’s an Afiricans?
    – Y’what love?

  11. Lord Milky Says:

    Richard Madeley, an arrogant cretin of a man who believes his own hype. I despise him.

  12. ugeine Says:

    I’ve never bothered with DIOYY as they’ve got the single worse name since UB40.

  13. Swineshead Says:

    Nick – you can still have sexist Moyles and the racists Jade and Manning. What a double act you’d have with them two…

    – So there was this African bloke in a launderette…
    – What’s an Afiricans?
    – Y’what love?

  14. Swineshead Says:

    Richard Madeley’s alright, isn’t he?
    I don’t mind him at all.

  15. Dave Says:

    Madely is a prince.

  16. ugeine Says:

    Russel Brand and Jonathon Ross. The way they insulted that old man down the phone made my blood want to BOIL. It was almost as bad as the time I ordered that taxi and it was been driven by that lad with a turban. PC gone mad etc…

  17. wally bazoom Says:

    Ian Hislop – his endless character assasinations are so very Daily Mail, IF YOU ASK ME thankyou very much.

  18. Lord Milky Says:

    SH – I once had the misfortune of reading the Sunday Express; his and Judy’s column is family friendly Littlejohn. Though they probably don’t write it.
    And just watching him and his ego make such a smug arse of themselves week in week out was unbearable.

    Kyle has to be up there too. His recent interview on the ITV website reinforced his cuntishness: “Read our interview with the big hearted uncle.” What?

  19. ugeine Says:

    I like old hamsterface.

  20. Swineshead Says:

    Who is hamsterface?

    With Ian Hislop it depends on the target. I often agree with him and his vitriol but if it’s aimed at someone I sympathise with (last example was Russell Brand who he clearly has a personal dislike of – the HIGNFY Brand featured on shows their lack of chemistry) he comes across badly.

    He’s a hard call, Hislop. His raison d’etre is to satirise or criticise public figures so I guess he’s only doing his job. There is still no need for the smuggery, mind you.

  21. Swineshead Says:

    Milky (nice name) – with that example all you’ve proved is that Judith is a bad influence on Rick. Have you not seen Rick when he lets his hair down and Judith’s not around? He UNTUCKS his shirt! He SIPS from a bottle of beer (not a glass!)

    Sometimes he is UNSHAVEN!

  22. Lord Milky Says:

    SH – These points are all worth considering and I do sometimes feel a pang of respect for the more kerayzee Ricky (as he likes to be called during these moments), BUT do you not recall the time Judy made him get his shitty mullet cut a few years back?
    What did he do then? Got her on the wine until she had the DTs and GREW. IT. BACK. A right nasty bastard and no mistake.

  23. ugeine Says:

    Is it true that Alan Partridge is like 85% Richard Madley.?

  24. ugeine Says:

    Richard with long hair was the worse example of cool dad disease I’ve ever seen.

  25. Swineshead Says:

    As a man who is fast approaching mullet territory I can’t comment further.

  26. wally bazoom Says:

    Hislop – personal dislike masquerading as left wing satire. At least Richard Littlejohn has the strength of character to nail his colours to the mast.

    I don’t even know if I agree with the previous statement.

  27. Swineshead Says:

    Hmmm. Littlejohn doesn’t nail colours to the mast. He hides brutal prejudice behind distorted immigration figures.

    I see what you’re saying – but Littlejohn stokes fires and makes people genuinely angry whereas Hislop only seeks to make people laugh making him far less offensive…

  28. wally bazoom Says:

    I think Mr Hislop intends to stir up and make people angry as well, at least in his capacity as editor of Private Eye.

    Anyway, i didn’t mean Lil’ John I meant Oswald Mosley. They should get him on.

  29. ugeine Says:

    Saw Half Man Half Biscuit last night. Amazing.

  30. Dave Says:

    And you attacked Does It Offend You, Yeah? for their name?

  31. Swineshead Says:

    I like HMHB.

    To change the subject, here’s Piqued’s new tattoo. Top left.'S%20GALLERY%20%2030.htm

    Good eh?

  32. ugeine Says:

    Littlejohn is a lot more of a bastard then Hislop, hands down.

  33. Swineshead Says:‘S%20GALLERY%20%2030.htm

  34. Swineshead Says:

    Dave – Half Man Half Biscuit is quite a funny name.
    DIOYY isn’t.

  35. ugeine Says:

    Dave, I did that today. Mainly because it’s such a painfully contrived name it makes me want to vomit broken glass into the lead singers face. As far as I’m concerned they could sound like The Gods making love and they’d still be average with a name like that.

  36. Dave Says:

    SH – Oh.

    I think Friar Tuck is a hatemongering bastard! He writes about immigrant turnip sellers coming in from outside Nottingham to ruin it for proper people.

  37. ugeine Says:

    Oh, I get what you mean. Does it offend you yeah is a conscious attempt to seem leftfield and cutting edge. Half man Half biscuit is just a pistake of ‘half man half machine’.

  38. Swineshead Says:

    Littlejohn doesn’t ‘get’ Little Britain, it seems:

    The complete buffoon.

  39. ugeine Says:

    Of course he fucking doesn’t. He’s a millionaire who lives in a fortress in Florida.

  40. Dave Says:

    I’ve never come across LJ before but his writing style is SHIT. And, yes, I can say that without hypocrisy because I don’t get pain in shilling for these horrbile comments I make.

  41. Lord Milky Says:

    “Then again, they could just have been scum.”

    Ah, Littlejohn. Like my uncle, only with a newspaper column.

  42. Dave Says:

    paid* Still no hypocrisy present. None.

  43. wally bazoom Says:

    ‘This was life imitating comedy. In Little Britain, Vicky Pollard swapped her baby for a Westlife CD. Meanwhile, in Manchester, a three-year-old child and a three-month-old toddler are stabbed to death allegedly by their mother.’

    Incredibly, R. Littlejohn misunderstands the concept of ‘imitation’.

  44. ugeine Says:

    Nice to see a bit of class snobbery. I got as far as the second paragraph and had to stop reading. He is a cunt of the highest order.

  45. Dave Says:

    HAHA! That quote is incredible, Wally. That’s genuinely one of the best unintentionally funny things I’ve read.

  46. Swineshead Says:

    WB – Yeah, I had a problem with that line. The tragic actions of a presumably mentally ill mother (who killed her small children in a motiveless, unexplained double murder) doesn’t really bear out any comparison with a fat man in a wig pretending to be a poor teenager.

    He gets paid top dollar for that shit.

  47. Do I not like that! Says:

    You couldn’t make it up!

  48. wally bazoom Says:

    You may as well give a column to the Oompah Loompahs. It would at least have better scansion, and a hint of racial tolerance. But would maintain the same level of indescriminate judgementalism.

    First up – fat German kids.

  49. Lord Milky Says:

    Hell in a glass elevator!

  50. Swineshead Says:

    Am I missing something?

  51. Dave Says:

    I haven’t read the Mail in years. I had a blazing row with a bunch of silver haired ‘friends’ of my father in a hotel once though. They read the Mail and saw fit to call people who lived in council houses ‘scum’. I worked with a young mum who lived in said council houses in the village and she wasn’t only stupidly hard-working but a great mum as well. Hateful, elitist buggers!

  52. Swineshead Says:

    Which part of ‘ fill in absurdity as applicable ‘ do they not understand?

  53. Swineshead Says:

    I liked the bit on the Prescott class show where he wandered into a two car suburban estate and said ‘Oops – we’re in Daily Mail territory now’.

    Interview with one of the self made upper middle class chaps who lives there with his family: ‘So, what paper do you read…?’

    He should’ve had a guess.

  54. wally bazoom Says:

    I liked the bit when Prescott went to Henley and then got belligerent with some public school kids because they were better educated than him.

  55. Lord Milky Says:

    Surely in instantly judging these people though, you are almost as bad?

  56. mostlylouche Says:

    It’s a weird thing about England that we think differently of people depending on which paper they read, you don’t tend to get that in other countries.

  57. charliemingles Says:

    Superb clip that. Anyone see john gaunt on this Week? Smug twat.

    This just in:

  58. Dave Says:

    Me, Milky? No, my judgement was founded, there’s wasn’t.

  59. Dave Says:

    Theirs* I’m a simpleton, by the way.

  60. charliemingles Says:

    Id agree with dave over clive anderson. thank fuck hes been virtually banished from our screens.

    But theres one colossus who stands astride them all for me, top of the pile of cunts – and hes still only making his way up the hill: DANNY WALLACE.

    he was on batteries not included last night. Surely the smugest cunt in the UK. That DJ voice of his, pausing all the time for effect like tony fucking blackburn. what a gold-plated cunt.

  61. Do I not like that! Says:

    mostlylouche “It’s a weird thing about England that we think differently of people depending on which paper they read, you don’t tend to get that in other countries”…

    I am not sure that is correct, most liberal democratric countries have a tabloid/sensationalist press, pooh poohed by the intelligentsia. Indeed we have less of choice of left wing / right wing press than most countries.

  62. Swineshead Says:

    Mingles – read the criteria for ‘objectionable’ again – I’m afraid Wallace doesn’t qualify unless he has some dodgy views on euthanasia or something we don’t know about.

    Wally, I think I watched a different clip to you – Prescott rightly put those public school products in their place. As if there isn’t an elite… Are you talking about the one where he went to the Henley Regata (or whatever they call it)?

    Louche – that’s because we are the best country in the world.

  63. charliemingles Says:

    are you in the huff with me swinesy?

    You dont write, you dont call.

    “You hardly talk to me anymore,
    when I come through the door
    at the end of the day …”

    £1000 Mingles credits to the first person to identify that song.

  64. Dave Says:

    Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond?

  65. wally bazoom Says:

    Same one. One of them said that the real issue was the reasons for the disparity between private and publically funded education. Prescott ranted about privileges or something, ignoring said issue.

    On this occasion, there were TWO elephants in the room, right kids?

    I’m saying he’s a fat man.

  66. Swineshead Says:

    More from Littlejohn – against my better judgement I’m going through past articles…

    This non-stop recruitment drive at our expense has gone through a number of different phases. There was the great Aids scare, when no self-respecting council could bear to be without an army of HIV prevention workers. At one stage, I worked out there were more people in Britain earning a good living from Aids than were actually dying from it.

    I’d like to see the figures on that.

  67. charliemingles Says:

    Well done sir!

    Not sure what you’ll be able to use those Mingles credits for (theyre not even accepted on my site) but I’m very very impressed anyway. And in lightning fast time too. We’ve found your talent dave. At last.

  68. Dave Says:

    Or is this extra evidence I’m a gay?

  69. charliemingles Says:

    nothing gay about barbra streisand dave. Shes as straight as a die. Ive seen her giant monster truck collection.

  70. Dave Says:

    My father listened to that stuff. He’s a gay. And my mother.

  71. Swineshead Says:

    the reasons for the disparity between private and publically funded education

    The reasons for the disparity is that not enough money is put into government funded schools… meaning the priviledged get a better standard of education as they go to private education, which is what Prescott said.

    I’m no fan of the bloke but he was spot on in that instance and I admired the fact he didn’t hold back. Those schoolboys had no clue what they were talking about.

  72. ugeine Says:

    Watch it, SH. That stuff rots your brain.

    My favourite Littlejohn column was one where he cried bigotry because a church person was ‘forced’ to marry homosexuals, and she didn’t want to. Basically, we should be tolerant of her intolerance. You couldn’t make it up! Apart from the famous Suffolk prostitutes one, obviously.

  73. Cravenwheel Says:

    Oh do come now, SH. Those comprehensive school wallahs just need to accept that they lost the match. It’s poor sportsmanship to go on about it now, isn’t it?

  74. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    ARGH it’s still putting my name as Cravenwheel. DAMN YOU, DAVE!

  75. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    But seriously, Prescott’s a walking blubberbag of outdated socialist rhetoric. The wealth of even the poorest members of society in the UK has rocketed up over the last 20 years, and if private schools are still perceived as the better option for a better education (and a hell of a lot of them aren’t) then people at the bottom of the financial stack can probably afford to make a few sacrifices along the lines of xbox 360s, 40 inch plasma screens and sofas on monthly repayment and prioritise their kids’ education, whether by sending them to a better school or by getting a bit of private tutelage (lot of guys I know who went to comps and are now at uni on top degrees just had a postgrad tutor round once a week for a tenner).

  76. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    With tightened belts, it’s possible things will go backwards on this score though.

  77. Swineshead Says:

    Cravenwheel – I disagree. The fees are still astronomical and it’s not necessarily the education, it’s the connections made. Who you know.

    It’s not that those who can’t afford it necessarily want to go so the snobbish ‘tighten your belt by not buying fripperies’ argument goes out of the window. It’s more that it’s the signifier of an elite where kids are moulded and subsequently recommended for top jobs.

  78. Swineshead Says:

    PS – Socialist rhetoric will NEVER go out of date!

    *calls Tony Benn*

  79. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I’d refute most of the ‘connections’ argument. There might be a slight grooming for how to behave around ‘people in positions’ but the connections themselves come at university level – a level reached by plenty of comp kids who have an interest in learning.

  80. Swineshead Says:

    Prescott quoted a stat of top jobs in a large number of sectors going to ex private school pupils. I’d like to see that figure, where it came from, and whether it lies. I suspect it doesn’t.

    The solution to solving the discrepancy is dissolving the private schools. Or blowing them up with the arseholes still in ’em.

  81. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Christ knows, most of the argument I used before has been battered into me by friends at UCL who went to comps and were infuriated by how their classmates dragged them back from attempting academic success because they’d rather be pissing about. Those who try, in even relatively shit comps, can still achieve. If your parents are having to shell out something for your education, especially when they’ve had to make sacrifices for it, your home environment is likely to become a bit more encouraging of doing some bloody work.

  82. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I’d take a more hardline approach of cutting education from people’s taxes and making them pay for what education they want to pay for their kids. That’d fucking teach ’em.

  83. charliemingles Says:

    whats this all commie talk?

    You’ll be making sense next.

  84. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Course, with that you’d get a load of totally inept parents cocking it up. Which is why it’s not practicable. But in an ideal society, that would be the fairest system, up until a self-determining age i.e. 16.

  85. Swineshead Says:

    JQW – That’s the flimsiest argument for paid education I’ve ever heard.

    If I had to pay for having working lungs, I’d be less likely to smoke?

    Education should be free and it should be equal. You’re saying that those who can afford it without struggle deserve it, and those who make sacrifices (who would otherwise be lazy comprehensive bastards, presumably) will work harder, making it win/win?

    In my eyes, that’s lose/lose.

  86. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    And by ‘ideal society’ I naturally mean a highly educated free capitalist utopia, where the birds sing in the trees, and are for sale.

  87. Swineshead Says:

    Fucking hell, JQW, you’re so right wing it almost sounds like bullshit. I didn’t realise you were such a thatcherite mong.

  88. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Not at all, I’d also support increasing tax brackets all the way to the top of the food chain.

  89. ugeine Says:

    *jeers, house of commons style*

  90. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    It’s not Thatcherite at all. Economic libertarianism, social liberty. Decentralised power and a highly accountable state. She was a protectionist psycho-bitch who fucked up the economy by madly countering Keynes and screwing the miners for her own personal vendetta.

  91. Swineshead Says:

    I agree on tax brackets, but not your weird belief that your income should dictate the standard of your kids education. That’s moronic.

  92. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I also detest the tories’ old-boy elitist nonsense. Their whole party’s think-what-the-whip-thinks attitude is so messed up.

  93. Swineshead Says:

    All schooling paid for? Essentially privatised?
    Sounds like something Thatcher might fancy.

    You’ve gone mad with power.

  94. charliemingles Says:

    SH: remember JQW is virtualy Bertie wooster ( woofter – ha ha) brought up with a silver spoon up his arse.

    Cage the evil black beast, I say!

  95. mostlylouche Says:

    Any MP who puts their kids in private school should be shot. If they are trying to make the system better surely they should be putting their kids into the system as well?

  96. Swineshead Says:

    More Little John:

    The NHS is just as bad. For every doctor, nurse and ancillary worker doing a valuable job, there’s a supernumerary cluttering up the offices. I’ve written about all sorts over the years – from condom commandos to advisers hired to address the very special needs of gay alcoholics.

    Condom commandos!

    Yes – getting people enthused about using condoms is ‘commando’. Right.

  97. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Ah, but it’s not so much ‘how much you pay’ as opposed to ‘having to pay something’. If you want to play underwater nose-flute and polo you can bloody well pay for it. If you want a decent education supported and accountable to the state then you can pay a base rate. You’d still be wasting your money if you couldn’t be arsed, but democratically it’s the fairest system.

  98. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Condom commandos?

  99. Dave Says:

    JQW – What did your dad get in the paper for doing again? I’ve forgotten and would like reminding. This has nothing to do with the extensive points you’ve been making about stuff.

  100. ugeine Says:

    In America a lot of the school budget is given a helping hand by conglomerate fast food companies. I propose we do the same here. ‘If johhny bought three big macs and 2 packets of fries, how much is he lovin’ it?’

  101. Swineshead Says:

    Louche – I agree. Not shot – mocked would do me.

    So – JQw – with your insane education system, kids wouldn’t actually have to go to school? Or would parents be punished for not paying the base rate?

    And would there be different levels of schools with different standards? Pay top dollar for physics with Stephen Hawking?

    How’s cuckoo land?

    You couldn’t make it up.

  102. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Oh, side note to that last bit – you’re paying for it anyway, in your taxes. Does that large chunk of money you earnt not count? You’d certainly notice your larger wallet if you didn’t have kids. Might even help with overpopulation.

  103. ugeine Says:

    If Littlejohn didn’t exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

  104. Swineshead Says:

    You forget that it’s everyone’s right to have kids. It’s a natural process. I’m quite happy paying for childrens education out of my pay packet. It’s called being a responsible citizen.

  105. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    SH, you’re being an idiot. Some sort of schooling would still have to be compulsory, and the kid would be punished for not going. Most likely by their parents for wasting their money.

    Yes there would be different levels of education. Grants would be available from pooled expensive-school funds, as they are now, to students able to enter specialist schools. But if the expensive schools had no demand, they would fail. Simple as that.

    It may sound alien and that seems to be why you’re balking, but when you think it through it’s not very different from now at all, except with more control in the hands of the voter where his or her money goes.

  106. piqued Says:

    I went to a fucking awful comprehensive. JQW comment about ‘kids pissing about and holding other kids back’ is ignorant rot, it’s all about having good teachers.

  107. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Oh and so as not to be too rude, by idiot I just meant you were acting it up (presumably).

    Dave – my dad took photos of everything he ate for a year.

  108. mostlylouche Says:

    Swineshead, yes maybe shot is too much. I was just trying to get into the Swing of the whole Littlejohn thing.

  109. Do I not like that! Says:

    Bring back the workhouse!

    btw, state education tends to work well in other european countries.

  110. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Not all teachers can be amazing and inspiring. Most aren’t, no matter how expensive the school. It’s not teachers’ responsibility to make kids pay attention. It’s their responsibility to teach. If you want kids to learn they have to sit down and listen. Given how much discipline has been rejected in schools, teachers can’t be expected to force their kids into listening. It has to be their choice.

  111. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Do I not like that! – It’s shaky in many countries in Europe, and their dropout rate at age 16 is enormous. They also tend to have higher unemployment. Connection?

  112. piqued Says:

    I think all teachers have to be inspiring, that’s the point of teaching surely

  113. Do I not like that! Says:

    Mind you the teaching profession is more highly regarded in other European countries, rather than the attitude we have to teachers we have in this country.

    Well JQW maybe we should look at each country seperately. Lets’s start with Germany and the Netherlands.

  114. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Point of teaching is for people to learn. Some can do that by inspiration, some rely on forcing endless exercises down kids’ throats. Do you perhaps suggest a vetting system for teachers where they are measured with an inspirometer?

  115. Dave Says:

    JQW- are you on speed?

  116. charliemingles Says:

    fascinating as this discussion is – can someone get back on topic to the important discussion we were having about cocks?

    Did anyone see Apparitions on BBC1 last night? Hokum, balderdash and bollox, but thoroughly enjoyable stuff.

  117. Swineshead Says:

    I’m not allowed to argue any more, I’m being an ‘idiot’ according to a fruitloop who’s still at college and discussed his radical thinking in the student bar last fucking night.

  118. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    DINLT! – What the European system has in its favour is, as you say, a less grinding schedule for teachers, better pay, a weird national allocation system etc.

    It also has no-prisoners discipline and the curriculum has a big emphasis on education being personally driven.

  119. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    It’s hardly radical SH. But I’ll stop if you’d like.

    Would you like that, SH? Would you like a hug?

    OK, maybe later.

  120. Swineshead Says:

    I imagine having a pint with JQW is quite dull now I think about it, and everyone would think you’re Simon Amstell.

    Where’ve you been anyway, JQW? Dave went mad in your absence.

  121. piqued Says:

    JQW, don’t be sarcastic, it doesn’t suit you

    If you’re unable to convey information that you’re supposedly interested in you’re not teaching… Being ‘inspirational’ should be a natural default.

  122. Dave Says:


  123. Do I not like that! Says:

    JQW..when you say “What the European system has in its favour”… you mean other european countries. We are part of europe.

  124. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Dull depends on your tolerance for sarcasm and invective. Also, Simon Amstell dates someone who looks like himself?

    I’ve been busy with all sorts. Wasn’t Dave already mad? I do hope he’s relaxed the racial slurs.

  125. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    DINLT! – Of course we are, despite depressing efforts to the contrary by our own citizens.

  126. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Don’t let Nappers hear you say that though.

  127. Swineshead Says:

    Can we go back to talking about arseholes on TV again?

  128. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    P – Conveying imformation can be done very uninspirationally. Ever seen the Queen’s speech?

  129. piqued Says:

    Non argument, she’s not teaching is she?

  130. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Yeah but I doubt you’d have got the reference if I’d said ‘Mr. Attwater from class 4C’

  131. charliemingles Says:

    what colour of knickers dave? I hope theyre not black? You’ll go on the list.

  132. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I’m tired now, I’ve come down from my ideological sugar rush and would like to hear about nazis on the telly.

    I saw that Hitler on the box once.

  133. Do I not like that! Says:

    The sad fact of the matter is that there is not a coherent educational policy in this country.

  134. charliemingles Says:

    education, education, education!

    He was shite on Just a minute, Tony Blair. the mans an imbecile.

  135. charliemingles Says:

    HOB ON!

    Lamb Casserole in a spinach and mozarella sauce …?

  136. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve just got up!

    Anyway … I can’t believe nobody’s mentioned that motherfucking CUNT Garry Bushell. That, my friends, is the 24 carat winning hand in this game.

  137. charliemingles Says:

    I think you’ll find actually Napoleon, that Danny Wallace trumps them all.

    they’ll find people under his floorboards. you mark my words.

  138. charliemingles Says:

    I take it the UKIP/carrot-day celebrations went on late into the night sir?

  139. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Mingles – plancha-fried baby squid with roughly chopped garlic, pepper and lemon juice on a home-made guacamole bruschetta, served with grilled aubergines and a rocket salad. I make fancy lunch on Friday.

    What was that sound? I think I just heard Piqued come.

  140. Napoleon Says:

    Balls! Danny Wallace isn’t fit to lick the shit off of Bushell’s shoes when it comes to being an objectionable shithouse. Remember ‘Bushell on the Box’? I HATED that fucking show.

  141. Napoleon Says:

    Mingles – I stayed up very late watching that absolutely fucking magnificent documentary on the Thriller in Manila, then went to bed to toss and turn in my own little bit of Hades.

  142. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    How was Lead Balloon, Nappy?

  143. charliemingles Says:

    I hated it more than you. Hated it so much I never even watched the thing.

    Isnt bushell dead though? if you dont read the sun, surely youd never even know he existed? thankfully. the fat cunt.

    hes probably with you on all that straight bananas bollocks though – as I fear would be john gaunt also.

    I hope youre happy with the company youre keeping these days.

  144. Napoleon Says:

    JQW – Very good, as it ‘appens. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

  145. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    NC – As per usual, then! I shall certainly look into watching it.

  146. charliemingles Says:

    When We Were Kings was certainly one of the most magnificent things I’ve watched in a very long time.

    Almost as good as Apparitions last night on BBC1.

    I’m now looking forward to the sequel: The Scuffle with the Truffle – in which two fat TV chefs engage in bare-knuckle boxing match over a rare and expensive fungus.

  147. charliemingles Says:

    See what you’ve done now Napoleon?

  148. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve never seen When We Were Kings. Is that about the Ali / Foreman fight in Zaire?

  149. ugeine Says:

    ‘A 200-year-old church building has disappeared from a village in central Russia, officials from the Russian Orthodox Church say. The building had stood near the village of Komarovo since 1809. It was intact in July but some time in early October thieves made off with it brick by brick, they said. Local prosecutors had been informed and an investigation was under way, a spokesman for the local Russian Orthodox Church said. The disappearance of the Church of the Resurrection, some 300 km (186 miles) north-east of Moscow, was not immediately noticed’

  150. charliemingles Says:

    It is, yes. Its a fucking masterpiece. you should check that out. really excellent documentary.

    You see what an incredibly charismatic, almost mythic character Ali was at that point. And Foreman is such a complex, intellectual man. Really terrific movie.

  151. Napoleon Says:

    Sounds right up my alley, that. The Thriller in Manila shoiws us what a complete twat Ali could be with his ‘Uncle Tom’ and ‘Gorilla’ jibes unfairly directed at Frasier. I’m at a loss to describe how fucking brilliant that documentary was.

    How can you nick a church without anyone noticing?

  152. ugeine Says:

    Big place, Russia, isn’t it?

    I’d ask Toothed Varmit, but he’s probably in some windowless cell, tied to
    a chair, while moustachioed KGB agents slap him about.

  153. Napoleon Says:

    Either that or he’s drinking potato soup whilst masturbating over a picture of a tractor.

  154. Dave Says:

    I had Dairylea sandwiched with sliced cherry tomatoes and a packet of FINEST prawn cocktail crisps. Oh, and a Knor veg soup in a cup from the machine.

  155. Napoleon Says:

    Diarylea sandwiches? Diarrhoea sandwiches, more like!

    Actually, that could be a way to get those terrorist bastards in Guantanamo Bay to talk:

    “So, are ya gonna talk, ya goddamned, cockamamie sonofabitch?”
    “Give dis mudderfucker a diarrhoea sandwich!”
    “I blew up them towers!”

  156. charliemingles Says:

    Napoleon, what channel was the Thriller in Manila on?

  157. Napoleon Says:

    I recorded it off of More 4. I’ll wager they’ll have it on again. They usually do, if the forty thousand showings of ‘Dave Gorman Doesn’t Sock It To The MAN’ are anything to go by.

  158. Dave Says:

    Is that a years old documentary? I remember watching a great manila docu when I was like 13.

  159. piqued Says:

    Afternoon Nipples, how you doing

  160. Dave Says:

    AND I believe The Baader Meinhof Complex to be the coolest movie title I’ve heard in years. Has an early 70s feel to it. I WILL WATCH IT THIS WEEKEND WITH MY DAIRYLEA LUNCHABLES.

  161. Napoleon Says:

    Dave – I think it was new. Smokin’ Joe was very old in it.

    Piqued – Bonsoir, mon ami. I’m fine, thanks. My back’s not broken, I’m not wearing a wig or poncey glasses, and I have a bellyfull of honest British food, not that muck you eat.

  162. charliemingles Says:

    Right, I’ll keep an eye out.

    I have to say, I usually really enjoy Dave Gorman’s stuff. Googlewhack and My Name is Dave Gorman were both excellent. But you could see he was running out of ideas when he deliberately ate those burger in some cheap attempt to create shock value.

    It was rubbish and there wasn’t enough material to stretch over 30 minutes, never mind and hour and a half.

    My favourite line about THE MAN, is from Stephen Merchant who said, when discussing the great Iggy Pop on his 6 Music show:


    Iggy Pop there. Iggy has of course been stickin’ it to THE MAN for over 40 years now. And unfortunately THE MAN has just carried on about his business as usual.

  163. piqued Says:

    Good to hear that

    My back is good thanks, I’ll never need a wig (unlike some, Sir) you can have the glasses and I’ve eaten a sandwich and crisps (McCoys, ‘Grilled Steak’ Flavour) for my luncheon, though I’ll admit I’d rather have had what young JQW had for his

  164. Napoleon Says:

    That’s a good quote is that. I actually laughed out loud – I usually laugh at NOTHING.

  165. charliemingles Says:

    I must admit, that ‘Can’t Speak French’ by Girls Aloud, is a catchy little number.

    And I say that with no irony, but a fair degree of embarassment.

  166. charliemingles Says:

    Thanks Napoleon. But as you can see – Ive now ruined it with my Girls Aloud confession.

  167. Napoleon Says:

    You’ll never need a wig? Bit of a weird thing to say seeing as you’re already wearing one. Altzheimer’s kicking in, is it? You bottled-up old fogey.

    I don’t want the glasses, thanks. I don’t wear things that advertise clothing companies as they haven’t paid me any money. Pop ’em back in your manbag, you ponce.

    And I’ll bet that sandwich had something vile in it.

  168. piqued Says:

    I wasn’t giving you my Armani’s bins, I was letting you have the ‘poncey’ jibe with impunity

    Of course I don’t wear a wig, don’t talk so far back -but you genuinely do have the same haircut as Riff Raff from the Rocky Horror Show you freak

    The sandwich was full of ‘vile’ Wiltshire Ham and cheddar. Two of five of the only foodstuffs you’re aware of (Others include Chicken Kiev, Sausages in whatever guise but the cheaper the better and batter)

  169. Napoleon Says:

    Ah, but you DO wear a wig. A wig cut to look like a teenager’s hair, making you look like a sad, middle-aged twit who’s unwilling to accept his youth is way back there in the distant past, you wig-wearing goon.

    I bet that sandwich didn’t have ham in it. I’ll wager it had those weeds in it you London ponces mistake for salad.

    As for sausages? I buy mine from the butcher’s and they’re anything but cheap. Y’see, I can afford to buy expensive things such as flash sausages because I’m not saddled with a gigantic mortgage on a shoebox in South London.

  170. piqued Says:

    Yes, but Nappers, I really DON’T wear a wig and your hairline really does begin at the crown of your odd shaped head.

    As for sausages, fair enough but surely you have to cut them into tiny peices? Your teeth are awful/broken

    (yes, it was Ham)

  171. Napoleon Says:

    You DO wear a wig, as I’ve previously proved. It slipped forward when you went off to harrass / sexually assault those hen-night women.

    You’re one to talk about teeth. When you opened your mouth, I distinctly saw Cerberus in there, guarding what’s left of your molars.

    (Because it’s like Hell in there, see? Thought I’d better explain that as I know you’re monumentally ignorant.)

  172. piqued Says:

    Yeah, well you had flowers in yours

    (because it’s like graveyard, though I’d explain that because I know you get confused)

    …and Ivy.

    I don’t wear a wig of course but when that chief was about to beat you I saw the veins on your crown stand up in horror, obviously, if you’d hair on this bit of your head it would’ve stood on end.


  173. piqued Says:

    I meant ‘Chef’ of course, small chef

  174. Napoleon Says:

    Was that the chef you hid behind Swineshead to avoid? The chef I stood up to because I have a backbone? That chef (not ‘chief’, you fucking ignoramous)?

    And you DO wear a wig. When you were eating your rubbish pizza (an indication of your complete and utter ignorance when it comes to food, by the way) the label was poking out above your ear.

  175. piqued Says:

    What the tiny little swimmer? You weren’t ‘standing up to him’, you were bullying the little fellow and swaying about and swearing, he was scared witless you yobbo

    I ordered a quattro stagioni, what I got was bread and veg, not my fault if you decided to take us to shit eatery

    That wasn’t a label, it was a small hat you anti-semite

  176. Napoleon Says:

    I decided to take you? You lying, broken-backed, old cunt! YOU chose that restaurant, not me. YOU!

    And you’re deformed!

  177. piqued Says:

    I didn’t, live with it

    And you’re losing your temper, just like you did to that child swimmer you shithouse

  178. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    You’re just living in the past, you two. It’s like Last Year At Marienbad or, for the proles (yah), Groundhog Day, continually going through that same Russell Square day in loop.

  179. Swineshead Says:

    JQW, like most students, labours under the belief he’s culturally superior.
    It won’t last.

  180. piqued Says:

    Yes, and you interrupted then as well

  181. Napoleon Says:

    You’re right, Wagonwheel. We need to meet up again so we have something new to roar at one another about. Piqued has a splendid idea of a WWM get together where we all bask in your admiration / form a defensive phalanx when the readership turns violent.

  182. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    No, I just had to watch that film twice this week and I’m buggered if I’m not going to inflict its tedium on someone. I can’t help it, I’m just lashing out.

  183. piqued Says:


  184. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Frankly I think we’re all waiting for WWM Podcast No.2.

  185. Napoleon Says:

    JQW – I need to arrange some dates with the lads. They’re so busy going to the disabilty mobility shop / pecking at a mouldy bit of bread / fiddling with small children that it’s difficult to hammer ’em down.

  186. piqued Says:

    sounds like a plan…

  187. piqued Says:

    *looks at watch*

    …a good plan

  188. John Q Wagonwheel Says:


  189. Dave Says:

    I’ll come down for the podcast too, bring a few tins of Skol and a multipack of Wotsits. Make a night of it.

  190. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I live round the corner anyway. But I’ll just watch. With binoculars. From a hedge.

  191. Dave Says:


  192. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued – E-mail me some dates when you’re free. You spidery-armed ponce.

  193. Swineshead Says:

    Probably best not arranged here, eh?

  194. Napoleon Says:

    That’s why I told him to e-mail me. You poo.

  195. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Swineshead’s terrified of the huge crowd of gatecrashers that would surely turn up. Aww, such an optimist.

  196. Swineshead Says:

    Can you leave the reminders that we’re a barely read blog to me, JQW?


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