The Friday Question: Host With the Most?

by

maggie philbin

‘Good morning! And welcome to this week’s Friday Question – brought to you today from the arsehole of the internet!’

That’s how a qualified TV presenter might open proceedings if this was a television programme – but it’s not! It’s a blog which is hidden in an unread corner of the interwebs.

Today’s question provides an open forum for discussion of TV presenters of the past and the present. The ones who give you that warm glow every time you see them.

Perhaps you fancied Maggie Philbin all those years ago and looked forward to Tomorrow’s World on that basis?

Maybe you saw John Craven as a slightly stern but kindly Uncle?

Perhaps Brian Cant reminds you of your alcoholic Dad?

Of course, the door’s always open for discussion of the opposite end of the scale.

Maybe Steve Jones makes you want to peel your own eyes off with a teaspoon so that your retinas won’t be burned by the vision of his big wooden head ever again?

 Maybe Alexa Chung’s vacant, sterile, ‘indie’ faux-kookiness makes you want to heave?

Who’s your favourite / least favourite presenter?

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115 Responses to “The Friday Question: Host With the Most?”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    And apologies for the silence yesterday – a combination of elements caused that.

  2. Swineshead Says:

    *echo echo echo*

  3. Badger Madge Says:

    Fave: John Craven, Johnny Ball, Blue Peter circa 1988, Timmy Mallet (altho he’s doing an appalling job of being the Most Annoying Tit on the Planet on IACGMOOH atm), Dermot, Davina (on Buzzcocks and when she’s not gurning), Phil n Fern.

    Least fave: All T4, all GMTV, Tess Daly/Holly Willoughby/Fern Cotton, Rich and Jude, Loose Women…

    *bile rises*

  4. Swineshead Says:

    Davina RUINED Buzzcocks last night – shouting over other people’s gags and generally being unfunny. She’s a pain in the arse.

  5. Nick T Says:

    Davina = Look at me , look at me!!! If I act like this I’ll make it in to a clip montage.

    Brian Cant in Playaway.

    I’ll think on.

  6. Badger Madge Says:

    I dunno, I thought some of her stuff was rather witty. TBF it was scant pickings last night. Only her being a bit witty (and then a bit annoying), and then SA and Phil managed a few bunny/Craig David gags. Weakest ep so far imo.

  7. Swineshead Says:

    The Craig David thing went on a bit – def the weakest episode…
    What’s happened to the Brand episode? Is he officially banned?
    it’s meant to be a really good one.

    Ponderland was ace, again.

  8. Nick T Says:

    I downloaded that BNP list last night.
    It makes great reading…..

  9. piqued Says:

    I pissed in a vase in John Craven’s bathroom

  10. Swineshead Says:

    A list makes for great reading?

    I’m finding peoples’ attitude on this whole thing really twisted.

  11. Nick T Says:

    Why so?

  12. Swineshead Says:

    It’s private information. Not that I sympathise in any way with the fact they’re supporters of a ghastly outfit – but I do think privacy should be respected.

  13. Nick T Says:

    “Know your local racist” a game for all the family

  14. Nick T Says:

    Being a wooly liberal I would love to agree but but but
    “they’re supporters of a ghastly outfit”

  15. Swineshead Says:

    I won’t be looking at the list, anyway.

  16. Nick T Says:

    Being a wooly liberal I would love to agree but “they’re supporters of a ghastly outfit”

  17. Nick T Says:

    eh?

  18. indy Says:

    friday question: amstell is allright.

    so, this bnp list: are there any “famous” people on it? any c-listers? any relatives to mr “manuel” sachs?

  19. Swineshead Says:

    Piqued’s on it.

  20. Swineshead Says:

    I deleted my facebook account, everybody.

    RIP

  21. Napoleon Says:

    I got rid o’ mine ages ago. Fuck that shit.

    Now then. I loved Terry Wogan on Blankety Blank and Les Dawson on Blankety Blank. I did NOT like Lilly Savage on Blankety Blank.

    Oh, and I liked Phillipa Forrester before she went all fat.

    (Not for her presenting skills)

  22. Nick T Says:

    I like Fern Cotton.
    Not in that way.
    She has many tattoos.

    Johnny Morris. Fantastic

  23. Swineshead Says:

    You’re a Craven fan, aren’t you Nappers?
    He’s a crotchety old swine.

  24. Sue De Nymh Says:

    Does “Keith Lemon” count as a presenter? I f*cking hate him.
    Fearne Cotton – f*cking detest her.
    Sarpong – f*cking detest her.
    Steve Jones – c*nt
    Fiona Phillips – Queen of the scum of the earth.

    Naomi from Milkshake – she’s brilliant!
    Charlie Brooker – elbow faced genius.

  25. Swineshead Says:

    Fearne Cotton is a monstrous twerp.

  26. Napoleon Says:

    I can’t abide Fern Cotton. She ruined this year’s Children In Need for me. Her and everything else on it save Wogan, like.

  27. Swineshead Says:

    Children In Need is unwatchable.
    Having said that, I managed to get through QI (which was shit).

    I like June Sarpong.

  28. Napoleon Says:

    I like The Craven, yes. I like all that Countryfile shower. Apparently young Fogle in form 4B has picked up a strange disease from his travels in some far-flung corner of the Empire and has had to visit matron. Get well soon, Master Fogle!

    I would disagree that Charlie Brooker is a genius.

  29. Swineshead Says:

    Charlie Brooker is Dan the Preacherman – and his worshippers are out of control.

  30. Napoleon Says:

    Who’s Dan the Preacherman?

  31. piqued Says:

    I pissed in John Craven’s vase, in his bathroom NC

    Bet you’ve never done that

    *wins early*

  32. Swineshead Says:

    Nathan Barley quote… I’ve not seen it since it went out so I could have ballsed that reference up entirely.

    MORNING

  33. Napoleon Says:

    That doesn’t seem to have stopped him presenting Countryfile, Piqued.

    *wins*

    I think ex-That’s Life presenter Paul Hiney lends Watchdog an air of older man wisdom, by the way.

  34. Swineshead Says:

    ARGH – I hate that old bastard on Watchdog!

    If he turned up outside my house I’d kick him in the balls. Moaning old turd.

    Nicky Campbell, however, is King of Consumer Rights – and that lady who presents it with him is a lovely cynical bitch.

  35. Napoleon Says:

    GOOD MOANING.

    Oh. I only vaguley remember that show. It was alright, if memory serves.

    Anyway, calling Charlie Brooker a ‘genius’ is silly. A true genius wouldn’t have put that fucking shitty poetry bit in his telly show the other night. He would of invented gravity or split the atom or what-have-you.

  36. roszs Says:

    When I was a kiddywinkle I liked John Craven cos of his kindly avuncular ways and of course had the usual compulsory pre-pubescent crush on Philip Schofield. Quite the fan of Andy Crane as well, and that bloody gopher.

    Now I quite like Alexa Chung. By ‘like’ I mean ‘want to touch’, obviously. I like June Sarpong because she is mainly drunk. If I found out she was just slurry my liking would cease. And Amstell when he used to do Popworld was BRILLYUNT.

    I am irritated by Steve Jones (but I went to school with a nice chap called Steve Jones who could eat fire and juggle with five random pieces of classroom equipment such as protractors, so can never really despise him in the way I do that George Lamb CUNT).

    Happy Friday, all.

  37. Nick T Says:

    I haven’t watched CIN for years.

    June Sarpond always sounds stoned…

  38. Napoleon Says:

    You hate Paul Hiney? I quite like him, m’self. Diff’rent strokes, etc.

    Watchoo talkin’ ’bout, Willis?

  39. roszs Says:

    The Preacherman is right, SH. That was a qualideeee episode.

    Piqued, will you elaborate on your pissingvasecraven story?

    I once had a brief but torrid affair with one of Brian Blessed’s birdmen from Flash Gordon. Have I mentioned that before?

  40. Swineshead Says:

    He’s definitely not a genius. As a writer, he’d have to invent a literary movement to be a genius, I’d say. Or change the nation’s thinking. As it stands, he unites people in sarcasm for five minutes every saturday.

  41. Swineshead Says:

    Roszs – that reminds me of the story about Su Pollard.

  42. roszs Says:

    A marvellous and magical tale…

  43. piqued Says:

    Roz, I’ll have to tell you to your fass I’m afraid

    I can’t stand Chung, she’s more vacuous than Cotten, which reminds me SH, did that post I did on her ever go up, can’t be pissed to look

  44. roszs Says:

    She’s all pritty though. And she wears nice boots.

  45. Swineshead Says:

    No, Piqued – I gave up on that site. Lines were crossed by all contributers! Louche is keeping it’s retching corpse alive but I may well delete it.

  46. roszs Says:

    Wot site? The old WWM?

  47. indy Says:

    sh: no more facebook? no more facebook?!?

    and you’re right about the c brooker – d ashcroft connection. very preacherman indeed.

  48. Swineshead Says:

    Rozs – HTGLN.

  49. Swineshead Says:

    Indy – yep, no more FB. It’s a silly thing.

  50. roszs Says:

    How to Good Look Naked?

  51. Swineshead Says:

    How’s that Roszs? How do I look good naked?
    I’ve tried but I’m convinced it can’t be done.

  52. Napoleon Says:

    I’m trying to compile a list of the most painfully middle-class films ever made. So far I’ve got:

    Peter’s Friends
    Much Ado About Nothing
    Truly, Madly, Deeply
    Love’s Labour’s Lost
    An Awfully Big Adventure

    Are there any films in this categrory that DON’T star either Alan Rickman or Kenneth Branagh?

  53. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve only seen half of one of them films.

  54. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve seen all of them. I can never make up my mind which makes my skin crawl most. It’s a toss-up between Truly, Madly, Deeply and Peter’s Friends.

  55. piqued Says:

    Peter’s Friends is sickening

    Having said that the musical scene in TMD made me physically ill

  56. roszs Says:

    Peter’s Friends DEFINITELY.

    Ugh.

  57. Napoleon Says:

    The musical scene in TMD is vile, but what about the hopping on the bridge scene? And is that quite as awful as the big reveal in Peter’s Friends where the lead character confesses to his tearful bunch of ex-Cambridge chums that he has The AIDS? Is one back-breakingly middle-class turn by Juliet Stevenson enough to outweigh those of Imelda Staunton, Emma Thompson AND Philydia Law?

  58. Swineshead Says:

    Nil By Mouth is horribly middle class, by my standards. I grew up in a hard neighbourhood, yeah?

  59. Napoleon Says:

    You grew up in a lovely house in the countryside, Swineshead. And then you moved to a sleepy rural market town. I didn’t notice many drive-bys going on in either of these locations.

  60. Swineshead Says:

    You weren’t there man, you weren’t there.

    (Apart from most evenings)

  61. ugeine Says:

    Napoleon, that poetry bit on Screenwipe was supposed to be tongue in cheek.

  62. Napoleon Says:

    Must have happened in the daytime …

  63. Napoleon Says:

    Ugeine – I know it was. That still didn’t stop it being shit.

  64. Swineshead Says:

    Yes, Nappers, it usually happened when I was at school.

    Ugeine – was it meant to be funny? If so, it failed.

  65. indy Says:

    “You weren’t there man, you weren’t there.
    (Apart from most evenings)”

    …in your dreams?

  66. ugeine Says:

    The way I saw it, it was a comic who did a reading of some poetry. He was supposed to be taking the mick on how serious people got over the sachsgate scandal.

    I thought Napoleon saw it as a serious poetry reading, which is why I corrected him. If you thought it was funny or not is up to you.

  67. Swineshead Says:

    I didn’t think it was funny.

    Why is everyone accusing me of being aggressive or temperamental today, by the way? Is it because I’m being unreasonably furious for no good reason?

    I think I’ve got the blogger’s fury…

  68. ugeine Says:

    STOPS BULLING ME SHEWINSHEADSZ.

  69. Napoleon Says:

    Calm down, Swineshead!

  70. Swineshead Says:

    *lashes out*

  71. Dave Says:

    I’ve been suspended with pay, investigation pending, thanks, in part, to this lousy blog!

    That means I have over a week of paid time to get another equally loathesome job – because of you, Swineshead.

    Oh, and Sally Gray is the bestest Scotch sexpot of a presenter ever. She used to present 50/50.

  72. Swineshead Says:

    I would apologise Dave, except it’s not my fault you don’t do any bloody work.

  73. indy Says:

    dave: what happened? and what’s the wwm connection?

  74. daveselectricblanket Says:

    I blame you, Swineshead.

    Indy – I was releasing calls and going on the forbidden internet to read blogs (like WWM) instead of repeating the same script 80+ times a day. Swineshead’s fault. I’ll go hungry this Christmas no doubt.

  75. piqued Says:

    I reckon his employees read his comments

  76. Swineshead Says:

    ‘EmployeRS’, surely Piqued?

    They probably read everything he’s said on here, his bosses.

    And they probably suspended him because they don’t want a gender-challenged sci-fi fan with aggression issues working in their offices. Can’t blame them.

  77. indy Says:

    …and they are probably reading this very discussion. watch out.

  78. Swineshead Says:

    Do you log on here at work, Indy?

    In Sweden, do employees walk around with no clothes on before jumping naked into an ice bath – then thrash one another with branches?

  79. Napoleon Says:

    There’s another explanation for Dave’s suspension – that he’s a paedophile. All paedophiles wear glasses; Dave wears glasses … need I say more?

  80. Swineshead Says:

    Perhaps it is a literal suspension? Maybe he is tied up in chains, hanging from the ceiling?

  81. Napoleon Says:

    Either that or he’s a nonce …

  82. ugeine Says:

    It’s the same reason I’m spending less time on here, though I get snidy remarks from colleagues rather then the book getting chucked at my face.

  83. piqued Says:

    I did mean employers, yes.

    Yessireebobz

  84. Dave Says:

    Gender-challenged? You tit.

  85. piqued Says:

    Poor eyesight has nothing to do with gender, Dave. It’s all about burping the worm

    Yessireebobbber

  86. Swineshead Says:

    So you didn’t pose as a girl on this very website?
    My mistake.

  87. West End Wookie Says:

    I can’t stand that girl that gives you “the 1 minute celebrity new fix” at 11 on bbc four.

    I can’t decide it it’s her i don’t like, or the fact that it’s a 1 minute ‘celebrity’ ‘news’ slot, or the fact that she describes it as a ‘fix’ of news. Like we’re all some dribbling celebretard junkies, that can’t go 5 minutes without hearing about which non-entity is banging which other non-entity.

    Oh and in the spirit of cross blog communications Fuck you too, from ELM 🙂

  88. Dave Says:

    Changing your name on a fun-filled telly blog to that of a lady does not make me a Norman Bates or Trelkovsky from Le Locataire.

  89. Swineshead Says:

    No! Fuck YOU!

    With your stupid ‘has to have been a hit’ rule! Get fucked!

  90. Swineshead Says:

    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=BUNUuqlG1a0

  91. piqued Says:

    “the 1 minute celebrity new fix” at 11 on bbc four.

    It doesn’t exist on BBC4

  92. piqued Says:

    SH, that Youtube clip is one the finest I’ve seen

  93. indy Says:

    sh: yes. i log on here at work. yes. i get an hourly pay while writing stuff on this page.

    unfortunately (!) i work in denmark, not in sweden. i go from malmö to copenhagen every day in order to take money from the lazy danes back to the swedish fatherland. i’m the modern day robin hood (except i wear cheap monday skinny jeans instead of tights). i’ve been working here for 1 year+ and haven’t spent more than approx £30 (two halfhearted nights out with colleagues).

  94. West End Wookie Says:

    BBC three then. Fuck it all.

  95. Dave Says:

    I’m going to end up woring in a chicken factory WWW, don’t sweat the small stuff.

  96. Swineshead Says:

    Dave – I hope you’re not seriously blaming the outside world for your own uselessness

  97. West End Wookie Says:

    i only sweat the small stuff. Big stuff, meh!

  98. Dave Says:

    Swineshead – Of course I’m not. It’s my own daft fault.

  99. Badger Madge Says:

    middleclass films – four weddings or any of that ilk.

  100. Swineshead Says:

    In that case, I’m sorry for your loss. Though it might be a blessing in disguise…

  101. indy Says:

    middleclass films – this is england.

  102. Swineshead Says:

    http://www.sherdog.net/forums/f7/i-got-married-last-weekend-pics-877461/

  103. indy Says:

    yeah! ugly people! hah!

  104. West End Wookie Says:

    that link is frightening stuff.

  105. goerge Says:

    Good video SH! I love the one about him getting kicked of xbox live.

  106. goerge Says:

    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=sfkDxF2kn1I

    (that one)

  107. Dave Says:

    “‘In that case, I’m sorry for your loss. ”

    Nobody’s dead but thank you. I think I made it clear how trapped I felt in the role and even a bar job or two over Christmas whilst I apply for something more meaningful will feel like a blessing. Should be oksy financially for at least two months so no stress required.

  108. Kremble Says:

    *slinks out from under rock*

    Hello all.

    I can’t even get the internet at work. So no danger of me being sacked. Apart from my total fucking incompetence.

    I once met Brian Cant when he was in his Playaway days, and I was about 5. He was nice.

    Famous people I’ve met since:
    Richard Stilgoe
    Jimmy Savile

    Amazing anecdotes, eh?

    That is all. I shall now return to work to continue my NHS slavery.

    *slinks back under rock*

  109. Nick of the T Says:

    “Holly fuck, I didn’t know you could fit so many woman in one dress”

  110. Dave Says:

    Holly Fuck is a great name for a burlesque dancer.

  111. Dave Says:

    Yes, I am typing this at 12.07. My Saudi and French housemates have left me and gone to a club. What of it?

  112. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Loser.

  113. extremelisteningmode Says:

    Rules control the fun.

  114. Nick of the T Says:

    My spelling is bad, even when I cut and paste!

  115. Tom Laird Says:

    My favorite TV presenter by far would be the almost legendary Sally James off Tiswas. Need I say any more for all of you old enough to remember. I almost went blind. I blame my failure to be a pilot on her to this day. Anyone know where she is?
    My least favorite is a somewhat trickier question, what with so many talentless vacuous arseholes to chose from. Richard Whiteley would certainly have made the finals. With his “Is that a word, who am I, what the fuck am I doing? Help me.” Expression constantly on his leering grinning face. As would Oor Muriel Gray off The Tube. The miserable cow.
    But the crowning turd on the dung pile by a landslide would be Hardeep Sing Koli. For just being a twat, and wearing a turban while not bothering his arse about any of the other criteria for being a sikh. If I were a cynical man I would suggest he wears it as a gimmick.

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