Quantum of Solace


Youtube clip nicked off Joe Cornish of Adam & Joe

The beginning of the new blonde Bond movie is dead exciting. People fall through roofs, Daniel Craig survives slow-mo explosions, a hot lady cracks a safe, planes crash, buildings explode, Judi Dench calls him a renegade – it’s a non-stop medley of action and drama and it is relentless!

Then the adverts end and Odeon have their inexplicable three minute lights up moment.

We’ve been in the cinema 20 minutes, the trailers haven’t even started and already we’ve seen the best bits of the film and heard the theme song numerous times. Make up. Drinks. Phones. Laptops. Televisions. This isn’t a movie, it’s an orgy of advertising – a quantum of synergy slowly destabilising the image of action heroes and brand association across the world.  “They have people everywhere.”

Movie begins; car crashes, rooftop chases and hundreds of extras all feature in a ballet of action – shot (as is the current trend) as if the camera were handled by five year old child with ADD. It seems insulting, employing all those stuntmen to perform daring acts of doing and then hiding them behind camera movements that look like they’re covering up budget defects, but I suppose that’s the style these days.

The plot revolves around an evil SPECTREesque alliance of bad guys called QUANTUM – which makes the title null and void since we were all told it refers to Bond trying to find moments of peace following the death of Eva Green in the last film. In fact, they actually forget about most things pretty early on with the potentially interesting idea of a faction of uber-villains operating without governmental knowledge being abandoned and instead focus on a very boring and sneery Frenchman who’s buying up land for some utterly pointless movie reason.

Remember when Casino Royale came out and a brave new beginning was announced? Daniel Craig was taking the character in a whole new direction and things were going to change, they said. Well that time was over pretty quickly – Quantum of Solace is a blueprint Bond film with all the trademark exploding buildings, casual fucking and overcomplicated plotting, except this time (because he’s, like, y’know, updated and everything) he feels guilty about most of it – which kind of steals all the fun out of the movie.

Pierce Brosnan’s reign of terror may be over and for that I’m thankful, but the producers are clearly terrified of abandoning the forumula that did them so well so they’ve made the same movie as always, except with some solemn faces and kudos casting. I give it one more film before they reintroduce Q as played by Ray Winstone and he’s flying around in invisible cars once again.

It’s a shame, because Casino Royale is a genuinely good film and it deserved a sequel that did it justice. All we have instead is a substandard Bond movie with all the crap nobody missed last time around put back in so it can be distinguished from the Bourne films. You get the feeling that they wrote the film around the product placements and required quota of action, employed a respected director with an indie-standing and then refused to let him do anything interesting lest the Bond brand be tarnished by deviation.

The opening says it all – a tough movie punching for realism while naked ladies dance in silhouette around Coke cans. Or was that the adverts again?

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155 Responses to “Quantum of Solace”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    Roger Moore was on the One Show last night, cracking onto Christine Bleakley. The dirty sod.


    Number 3 upsets me. They’re remaking another of my favourite films.

  2. Napoleon Says:

    QOS isn’t that bad. It’s certainly better than the last three Brosnan Bonds, and miles above shit like Diamonds Are Forever, License To Kill and Octopussy. If you like Bond movies, don’t listen to Quincy as he’s clearly a boob-headed dullard who likes using big words he learnt at university. AND HE’S AMERICAN.

  3. Swineshead Says:

    Bit harsh, that. He’s right about the advertising surrounding it. Cheapens the whole thing. You’re clearly a hapless consumer, Nappers.

  4. ugeine Says:

    I see Bond as worse then Superhero movies. And I see superhero movies as worse then contracting aids.

  5. mostlylouche Says:

    He was spot on about the adverts, that made me very angry.

  6. Nick T Says:

    I haven’t seen a bond film since Sean Connery.
    Don’t see the point.
    Mind you the last film I saw at the pictures was Son of Rambow.
    There are only a few cinemas that I go to and if they aren’t showing what I want to see I won’t bother. These huge multi screen popcorn houses are not for me.
    Harbour Lights in Southampton has a bar where one can take a pint in to the cinema with you. Civilised.

    I do want to see that new Gervais thing though.

  7. Nick T Says:

    I clicked on your twatter link SH.

    *feels all modern*

  8. Swineshead Says:

    I don’t really enjoy going to the picture house.
    One day I will have my own picture house.

  9. Napoleon Says:

    I can’t recall a time when Bond movies weren’t advertising hoardings. I usually ignore that and concentrate on the tits, ass, explosions and gun-fights. I’ve seen every one of ’em god knows how many times, and have so far resisted the urge to buy an Aston Martin, an Omega watch or any of the other myriad things on offer. Anyway, it’s a blockbuster. What blockbuster doesn’t go all out on the marketing front nowadays? The Dark Knight was riddled with product placement, and everyone hailed that as a masterpiece (even though they were wrong), not a showpiece for corporations to flog their wares.

  10. Do I not like that! Says:

    The Italian Job and Mini’s. First film, absolutely brilliant and best British film ever made. Second film….hmm….

  11. Swineshead Says:

    To be fair to QOS, I don’t think I’ve seen a blockbuster in at least 5 years so advertising could be relentless for all I know.

  12. Napoleon Says:

    The Italian Job’s the best British film ever made? What? A cheap 60s caper movie? Bullshit! What about Get Carter? Bridge on the River Quai? Lawrence of Arabia? Zulu? Saturday Night, Sunday Morning? If? A Clockwork Orange?


  13. Swineshead Says:

    Actually, I watched half an hour of the first Bourne film on Sky Movies and turned it off out of sheer boredom. It needed either tits or dead people coming back to life but all you got was an American running around and jumping over things.

  14. Swineshead Says:

    Of that lot, Nappers, I’d say these ones, in this order:

    1. …if
    2. Get Carter
    3. A Clockwork Orange

  15. Napoleon Says:

    I fell asleep in the cinema watching the first Bourne film. I have also nodded off during:

    Corpse Bride
    Revenge of the Sith
    Million Dollar Baby
    Toy Story 2

    The seats are so comfy.

  16. Nick T Says:

    Get Carter.

    Used to be my local.
    Quite possible the best cinema in the world http://www.astor-theatre.com/

  17. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – They’re certainly better than The Italian Job. I’m not knocking The Italian Job (a cracking little bit of escapism), but it’s ridiculous to say it’s the best we’ve ever produced.

  18. Swineshead Says:

    Especially if you manage to nick an upgrade. Then they’re so comfy the film’s not worth watching, even if it’s a masterpiece.

    The last film I fell asleep in was Thirteen, the risible drama about young girls my missus dragged me along to. I always get sleepy after a wan….

    *gets arrested*

  19. Do I not like that! Says:

    1). The Italian Job
    2). Get Carter
    3). Kind Hearts and Coronets

  20. Swineshead Says:

    The Italian Job is good fun. I agree, it’s not got a huge amount of depth to it.
    Billy Liar is a great film – quality appearance from Leonard Rossiter.

    Meeeeeeeeeeester SHADRACK.

    Oi! Shadders!

    Alfie’s a great British flick, also.

  21. Swineshead Says:

    Best British Film ever made is actually Wilt starring Griff Rhys Jonesy.

  22. Nick T Says:

    2 films I have yet to see.

    Withnail & Clockwork Orange.

    I have them both at home but am saving them, like the last piece of cake…

  23. Swineshead Says:

    Nick – you’re denying yourself a couple of seminal films there. That’s a bit like saving up a poo you know’s going to be a corker.

  24. Swineshead Says:

    Anyone remember the bit in …if where the saucy girl Malcolm McDowell fancies gets her kit off and turns into a tiger in a cafe in black and white.

    That clip made a big impression on me*

    *because she’s got big norks.

  25. Nick T Says:

    I know.

    Have just demanded that a student watches Repo Man.

    Wonderful film

  26. Swineshead Says:

    That is a good film, Repo Man. Harry Dean Stanton’s got a good face.

  27. Nick T Says:

    I can’t think of QOS without hearing Joe’s sonngwars song.

  28. Jo Says:

    The only film I’ve ever fallen asleep in the cinema watching was A Clockwork Orange.

    In my defence, it was the midnight showing, I was 15 and it was definitely past my bedtime. I expected something entirely different and nodded off, thus missing the point and most of the middle & end.

    I’ve since watched it and marvelled, however. Snooze ville the first time.

    Ooh, speaking of lynch mobs, here they come now!

  29. Do I not like that! Says:


    Is there another film that creates such speculation as to what might happen next?

  30. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead’s right. ‘Wilt’ is a masterpiece. I like the bit where he’s tied to the rubber sex doll in his underpants. And the bit on the canal.

    Also for your consideration:

    Splitting Heirs

  31. indy Says:

    what about “lock, stock and two smoking barrels”?

  32. indy Says:

    nah. i prefer brosnan to craig. i’d like to see people massacred with smiles on their face and a one liner as the final insult to a fatal injury. i can’t stand the “dark moody” atmospere. it’s tim dalton all over again.

  33. Napoleon Says:

    Indy – That was rubbish. Michael Winner’s ‘Parting Shots’ was better than ‘Lock, Stock …’, and it’s actually impossible to watch ‘Parting Shots’ without vomiting.

  34. Nick T Says:

    That certainly revitalised my interest in the periodic table!

  35. Napoleon Says:

    Brosnan was alright. Shame he only had one decent film to sink his smarmy teeth into. Remember when he was hailed as the second coming of Connery? That didn’t last long.

  36. Swineshead Says:

    Brosnan was excellent in Mrs Doubtfire.

    As for Splitting Heirs, I’ll raise you Sex Lives Of The Potato Men

  37. Nick T Says:

    Remmington Steele! That was it.

    I give you The Long Good Friday as a top Brit film AND Brosnan’s debut.

    I thank you.

  38. Do I not like that! Says:

    I am not sure that skin product he is using is doing him much good.

  39. Napoleon Says:

    I’ll see your ‘Sex Lives of the Potato Men’ and raise you an ‘I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle’.

  40. Napoleon Says:

    Brosnan’s debut was in something called ‘Resting Rough’, apparently. Nurr-nurr-nuh-nurr-nurrrrr.

  41. Napoleon Says:

    The Long Good Friday’s fucking great.

    “The Mafia? I shit ’em!”

  42. Do I not like that! Says:

    Mind you, remember PB is not British.

  43. Napoleon Says:

    Wasn’t the first time, DINLT. Lazenby was Australian. AND shit.

  44. Do I not like that! Says:

    Anyway back to my serious question and perhaps it might be a candidate for a Friday Question?
    Best film endings, is there a better one than The Italian Job, and resonates with a large audience?
    All the films you mention are good films, but my guess is that almost everybody who leads a relatively normal life has seen the Italian Job. The other films mentioned, though worthy may not have as large an audience and certainly not with such a cliffhanger ending.

  45. Swineshead Says:

    I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle starring Neil Morrissey? A classic. Features a demonic stool jumping out of a bog – and the stool is played by Daniel Peacock of Comic Strip fame if memory serves.

    I’ll see your I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle and raise you Rancid Aluminium


  46. Swineshead Says:

    DINLT – Popularity means nothing. Who cares what idiots think?

    As for talking about film-endings, might ruin the film for those who haven’t seen them?
    Spoilers are a nasty business.

  47. Do I not like that! Says:

    Oh yes good point Swines! Hadn’t thought of that. I retract the idea.

  48. Napoleon Says:

    DINLT – Lawrence of Arabia had a much larger worldwide audience than The Italian Job (a film that’s virtually unknown outside of Britain), and regularly appears somewhere near the top of industry figures’ lists. Bridge On The River Kwai, again, had a larger audience, won a load of Oscars, and again is seen as a masterpiece.

    As for cliffhanger endings? So what? So they were setting up for a sequel – big deal.

  49. indy Says:

    bridge on the river kwai is a masterpiece. can’t get enough of it.

    being from outside britain i must point out that i do know about the italian job even though i haven’t seen it. i know that it’s a car chase film. no more no less.

  50. Swineshead Says:

    Did I win that hand then, Nappers?
    You can’t get much worse than Rancid Aluminium.

  51. Do I not like that! Says:

    Nap, yeah I am messing about a bit, but what I would say is that the films you mention are based on historical events and whilst good and worthy they are serious films which is all well and good. The Italian Job is an original crime caper, that has a wide audience (8-80), entertains and is good fun. Whilst I agree it’s world wide audience is not that great, I would suggest in the English speaking world it is quite well known. Most people know the plot and can quote from it. It is a great British film.

  52. Nick T Says:

    Worst ending Monty Python and the Holy Grail

  53. Napoleon Says:

    A Clockwork Orange, If?, Get Carter and Saturday Night, Sunday Morning are based on historical events?

    *consults all of British history*

    Nope, can’t go along with that.

    Also, if you ask an average American what he knows about ‘The Italian Job’, he’s more likely to reply ‘That’s that Mark Walburg movie, isn’t it?’ than start banging on about a jingoistic British crime caper. It’s just not that well known outside of Britain.

  54. Do I not like that! Says:

    Indy, I recommend you watch the Italian Job. You will enjoy it, I hope.

  55. indy Says:

    “if you ask an average American what he knows about ‘The Italian Job’, he’s more likely to reply”

    …making pizza?

  56. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – I’ll see that crappy ‘Rancid Aluminium’ of yours, and raise you Michael Winner’s ‘Dirty Weekend’.

  57. Do I not like that! Says:

    Nap, i was referring to Lawrence and Bridge otrk. Those other films you mention are genre films. They do not have an audience of 8-80 which though I have not said it yet, is one of my criteria.

  58. extremelisteningmode Says:

    Shower of English bastards. The best British movies ever made are ‘Restless Natives’ or ‘Local Hero’.

    I lie, it’s actually ‘Dial D for Diamond’.

  59. Swineshead Says:

    Mikey – why are you obsessed with this bloody film? It’s not that good.

  60. Napoleon Says:

    DINLT – What the fuck is it about The Italian Job? It’s a lightweight 1960s comedy – that’s all. Are you honestly saying that it’s better than something like The Life of Brian or The Long Good Friday? It just isn’t!

  61. Swineshead Says:

    Restless Natives is ruddy good – that’s the one with the Clown robbery, isn’t it? Thinking about it, Quick Change owes a lot to that one.

    You ugly, red-nosed, cankerous Scotch twat, ELM.

    Nappers – I see your Dirty Weekend and raise you Carry On Columbus

  62. Do I not like that! Says:

    Yes I do seem to be a bit fanatical about this film. I just love it.
    Anyway, what about Australian films….? I really think some are really great.

  63. Napoleon Says:

    Ooo .. now that’s going to be hard to beat. Lucky for me I’ve got Gregory’s Other Girl up my sleeve …

  64. extremelisteningmode Says:

    ‘Nuns on the Run’ anyone?

    ‘King Ralph’?

    That one where Lenny Henry is white?

    I’m actually starting to think the World would hate us more than Americans if anybody had actually seen this shite.

  65. Do I not like that! Says:

    Babylon and Quadrophenia for worthy British film consideration,

  66. Edna Welthorpe Says:

    Have none of you ever seen Sex Lives Of The Potato Men? Seppuku would be a gentler suicide option.

  67. Edna Welthorpe Says:

    oops, you clearly have

    *kills self with a fishknife*

  68. Napoleon Says:

    I don’t mind ‘Nuns On The Run’. It’s better than Idle’s ‘Missing Pieces’, which is unwatchable.

    I still watched it, mind.

  69. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve declared myself out of this hand, I’ve been bluffing since Rancid Aluminium.

    Good Aussie films… erm…

    Idiot Box
    The Castle

  70. piqued Says:

    Yes but the spectre of Peter’s Friends still lies in wait…

    Has anyone seen The Pike? Fucking hell

  71. Napoleon Says:

    Chopper’s fucking excellent. I’ve not seen the other two.

    By the way, Swineshead, you’ve made a wise move withdrawing when you did. I’ve seen every Michael Winner film ever made, and can play this game all day.

  72. Swineshead Says:

    Edna – Sex Lives Of The Potato Men is a film I watched despite it’s reputation. I thought people were being unkind until I watched it.

    I seriously don’t know how that film got made.

  73. Napoleon Says:

    ‘Peter’s Friends’ is the finest excuse this country’s ever produced for disembowelling the upper middle classes.

  74. Do I not like that! Says:

    The film that stretches “willing suspension of disbelief” too far is Escape to Victory. Has to be one of the worst ever but strangely unmissable whenever on.

  75. Napoleon Says:

    ‘Escape To Victory’ is alright. You get to see a fair number of Ipswich Town’s 1980 UEFA Cup winning side strut their stuff alongside Pele and Bobby Moore.

  76. Nick T Says:

    Ali G’s In Da House.
    A dreadfull film but I do love it.

    I’ll raise you a Carry On Emanuel…

  77. Do I not like that! Says:

    Escape to Victory defies any sense of reality whatsoever. It is the most unbelievable film I have ever seen. I do enjoy it though.

  78. piqued Says:

    ‘‘Escape To Victory’ is alright. You get to see a fair number of Ipswich Town’s 1980 UEFA Cup blah blah blah blah”

    Eat that, yeah

  79. Swineshead Says:

    Piqued – that was like a very poor JQW impression.

  80. Napoleon Says:

    Ossie Ardiles is in it too.

  81. ugeine Says:

    East is East?

    Besides, those old Bond films are so cheesy and blatantly aimed at beards.

  82. Swineshead Says:

    East is East was watchable. Also, it featured Jim Branning.

    What’s that Gary Oldman football hooligan film? That’s a good one. The Firm?

    It’s got Phil Mitchell in it.

  83. Napoleon Says:

    What’s so wrong with cheesy? I’m much happier with cheesy compared to this current Bond’s broody introspection and downright grumpiness.

  84. ugeine Says:

    Hold on, are we talking good british films or bad ones? I love east is east, it reminded me of my childhood growing up in a 70s working class northern town.

  85. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Except I don’t like football. ‘Blow Up’ is alright, although it’s by an Italian director and is a bit up itself.

  86. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve not seen the Gary Oldman football hooligan film. I’ve seen a football hooligan film starring the bloke that played John Thaw’s son in Home To Roost. What was that?

  87. piqued Says:

    I thought it was a brilliant JQW impression

    *does impression of Mick Jagger*

  88. Napoleon Says:

    “Except I don’t like football”

    Neither does Piqued, Wagonwheel. You dumb shit.

  89. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Hadn’t read all the comments, Nappers old chum.

  90. Swineshead Says:

    That was called I.D. and it was actually alright. But rubbish at the same time, like all British films.

  91. Swineshead Says:

    He really is a dumb shit.

  92. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    With excellent employment opportunities!


  93. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    By the way, where’s Dave? I need someone to be more unsavoury than me.

  94. Napoleon Says:

    ‘I.D.’ was it? I remember watching it because it had a girl in it I used to like. She’s getting on a bit now and doesn’t quite float m’boat in the same way as she used to do. This is because I’m prejudiced towards older women unless they’re fruity MILFS with dirty laughs. Fuck knows what her name is.

  95. piqued Says:

    Dog Soldiers, fucking awful.

  96. Napoleon Says:

    Dog Soldiers wasn’t that bad. I like the bit where he pushes Sean Pertwee’s guts back in and uses superglue to close up the wound. Handy tip that.

  97. Swineshead Says:

    JQW – you’re not getting paid while you’re on here so you’ve not much to boast about – go and do your schoolwork, lad.

    Dave’s been sacked.

    Dog Soldiers was bloody rubbish, I thought.

  98. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve seen worse than Dog Soldiers. When it comes to werewolf guff, I’m struggling to think of anything worse than An American Werewolf in Paris.

  99. Napoleon Says:

    Thinking about it, those Underworld films were pretty hideous.

  100. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Werewolves just can’t stand up to zombies. Although having both wouldn’t hurt.

  101. ugeine Says:

    Underworld, shit, that was a pure abortion.

  102. Napoleon Says:

    Werewolve would tear zombies to bits. Zombies are the shittest film monsters there are. They’re even shitter than whatever the fuck that was Nick Nolte turned into at the end of The Hulk.

  103. Swineshead Says:

    American Werewolf In Paris is complete shit.

    Most werewolf films are, to be fair. Ginger Snaps was vaguely alright.
    Company of Wolves took itself too seriously. The Howling was barely watchable.

    American WW In London is the clear winner, though Teenwolf is chomping at his heels.

  104. extremelisteningmode Says:

    Mrs Brown was gish. Billy Connolly post 1988 is a total wazzock.

  105. Swineshead Says:

    If the werewolf got one bite he’d be fucked when he woke up.

  106. Swineshead Says:

    A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.

    “Did you know,” says the cop, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

    “Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

  107. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Zombies have got far more entertaining and fantastically glaring social commentary attached. Werewolves are just hirsute wildmen. Plus, yes, as SH says, the werewolf might tear apart the zombies, but he’d doubtless get bitten and then you’d have a werezombie. That’d be awesome.

  108. ugeine Says:


  109. Swineshead Says:

    A werezombie is just a dead hirsute wildman, by your own rules.

    I think, in practical terms, when he woke up infected the zombie virus would take over and his wolf capability would be gone forever.

    *hasn’t thought this through before, honest*

  110. ugeine Says:

    We’re assuming here that Werewolves can fall prey to the zombie infection. If they can’t, it’s a bite fest.

  111. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Ah, so his cure is also his eternal damnation? Has a ring of Greek tragedy to it.

  112. Swineshead Says:

    I’m having to think this sort of thing through because the thing I’m writing at the moment has elements of it. So I’d best not talk too much about it before I confuse myself again. You can have a werezombie if you want one – like Nappers, I don’t make the rules.

  113. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    All you’d then need is some sort of implausible plotline i.e. scientist’s beloved son becomes werewolf. Thinking he’s invented a cure, injects willing son with created virus. Seems to work, scientist hugs son. Son turns zombie and eats scientist’s face, thus removing any chance of a cure. Zombie rampage ensues. Insert love interest.

  114. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    I meant for a film, not for your story, in case the order of posts makes that unclear.

  115. Swineshead Says:

    There’s no prob, it’s just that I’m easily confused.

    Christ – just realised my reply posted 4 times.

    *gets deleting*

  116. ugeine Says:

    A werewolf can only be killed by silver or wolfsbane. Not illness. Otherwise, all you’d have to do is inject one with aids and horror movies would suck.

    Besides, as far as zombies are concerned, I don’t think you understand the concept of ‘undead’. It’s not like vampires can get the sniffles.

  117. Swineshead Says:

    Ugeine – rules are made to be broken. A stake to the heart and a crucifix is pretty much old hat.

  118. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    An HIV-positive werewolf? It’s too good not to have been done.

  119. Nick T Says:

    Being a zombie means you play by your own rules….innit

  120. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Or rather, exactly the opposite. You act on feral, inhuman drive.

  121. ugeine Says:

    Good point, SH. Just be careful with that rule breakin’. Nobody’s ever written a story in which Captain Piccard uses his magical firebreath to defeat the borg.

  122. Swineshead Says:

    You’ve scared Nappers off, talking about monsters.

  123. Nick T Says:

    Indeed Q, ones own feral rules…

  124. Napoleon Says:

    I wasn’t scared. I was having a conversation with my editor about the fact the last three scripts I sent him were shit. I’m back now.


  125. piqued Says:

    That was a good one though. WEL DUN

  126. Napoleon Says:

    You’ve not even read the fourth one, Piqued. For all you know, it could be as shit as the previous three.

  127. Swineshead Says:

    Script for what?

  128. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve just had word that that one was shit too. So Piqued was WRONG.

  129. piqued Says:

    No but I read that last post

    I loved it mate

    *looks lovingly at NC*

  130. Napoleon Says:

    A comic strip.

  131. Swineshead Says:

    It was a brilliant post, that last one.

  132. Napoleon Says:

    I never knew I had it in me. Thanks, lads.

  133. extremelisteningmode Says:

    Zombie and werewolves are gay.

  134. Napoleon Says:

    Which zombie?

  135. Swineshead Says:

    They don’t reproduce, so he might have a point.
    WWM has no problem with the diversity of sexuality within the monster community – unlike the homophobic Scotch twerps at ELM.

  136. ugeine Says:

    Sweeping generalisations on a group with a perceived character flaw are what all Scots always do.

  137. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Homosexual reproduction as an assumed degenerate stereotype of the underclass (zombie). There’s an academic essay in there.

  138. ugeine Says:

    Most monsters are metaphors for alien potent sexualities. Mike Myers been a case in point.

  139. piqued Says:

    ‘homosexual reprodution’ is an oxymoron

  140. ugeine Says:


  141. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    No it ain’t. This is makin’ babies.

  142. John Q Wagonwheel Says:


  143. ugeine Says:


  144. piqued Says:

    animals of the same sex cannot reproduce with each other

    (to use the vernacular, I don’t make the rules (Darwin did in this instance))

  145. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Zombies might be able to though. Or with some kind of weird cloning + IVF.

  146. John Q Wagonwheel Says:

    Let’s not forget it was Einstein who said ‘Nothing is impossible, only highly improbable’, thus asserting that he could suck his own cock.

  147. Swineshead Says:

    Eisenstein? I thought he made that rubbish film about the pram and the old cow with the smashed glasses?

  148. piqued Says:

    Yes, Battleship Pumpkin I beleive

  149. extremelisteningmode Says:

    I’m not homophobic, I love puffs, me.

    ‘Scotch Twerps’ could be construed as racist, though I’d maybe have more of a case had I not used the term ‘English Bastards’ earlier.

  150. Swineshead Says:

    You have sunk my battleship, pumpkin.

  151. Napoleon Says:

    ELM – You would have had no case at all even if you hadn’t. As I’ve carefully tried explaining to you fucking people umpteen times before, insulting someone of the same fucking race ISN’T FUCKING RACISM! BASTARDS! SCOTCH, WELSH, OIRISH, ENGLISH FUCKING BASTARDS!


    Ahem …

  152. Swineshead Says:

    Calling someone a ginger bastard isn’t racist either, despite idiotic protests.

    Which, ELM, makes you a fat, ginger, Scotch bastard.

  153. Nick T Says:


    Doc on next week….

  154. extremelisteningmode Says:

    I think you may have missed the irony in my post, Napoleon….

  155. Nick T Says:

    I’m guilty of not watching the youtube clip.
    Just did.

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