Just a Thought – Eastenders Quarantine

by

ben mitchell

We’ve mentioned this before, but where the hell do soap characters go when they’re not required?

Any one episode will feature three or four theads, right? These usually involve around six families. So what happens if a character’s not required? Are we supposed to imagine that they’re still about, just doing their usual thing whilst all the drama in their life is put on hold until the cameras can be arsed to start rolling in front of them?

For example – where the hell has Gary been in Eastenders for the past month? Minty too has been missing for a while – only appearing in what might be considered a cameo role, having a chuckle about the new massage parlour for all of a minute before wafting off back into the ether.

Ben’s gone AWOL too, though that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Some reports have inferred that he’s shaved his head, stuck on a white smock and is currently trying to rebrand Little Chef, but these are unconfirmed.

ALL of the Bianca clan have vanished. My better half tells me they’re on holiday – but I suspect that, like the others mentioned, they’ve been packed off to Quarantine.

Shirl’s in quarantine too – with a suspected dose of madness, what with all the lusting after Phil she’s been up to recently. Another character who’s currently surplus to requirements, she sits in plot limbo, idly twiddling her thumbs until the voyeurs demand she come back.

Eastenders Quarantine is, I presume, a lonely place. Surely there must be a more humane way of freezing time for the Walford residents as we viewers, standing like Greek Gods over their fates, get on with the most important plot points, or take a break from the more intense storylines? The thought of them shivering in Quarantine until such time as they’re recalled – or sent off packing to The Bill for eternity – leaves me cold.

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182 Responses to “Just a Thought – Eastenders Quarantine”

  1. Swineshead Says:

    Cripes.

    *pin drops*

  2. Nick T Says:

    In The Archers, “quarentined” characters are often said goodbye to at the end of a scene, or spoken to on the phone.
    Little Miss Sunshine, saw it on Sunday. Fantastic..

  3. Mel Says:

    I think they must all be out in sympathy with Clarry.
    I have nothing more sensible to add, as i neither know nor care where quarantined actors go. Probably back to waiting tables and the like.
    Just thought I’d try and help out with conversation.

  4. Mel Says:

    Oh, except Nick T, obviously (re the being out in sympathy with Clarry issue)

  5. Swineshead Says:

    Mel – are you a lurker? Or have you commented before. Hello.

  6. Mel Says:

    I mostly lurk, but have commented before – once or twice only. Today I am home sick from work, and very bored.

  7. Nick T Says:

    I am in sympathy with anyone in hobible.
    What is she having done anyway?

  8. Mel Says:

    Nick, not really sure.
    I have a kind of related question though – what about the “silent characters” that appear in these things – like Big Ron of old, or Freda in the Archers? Do they have a quarantine, if they are not integral to the plot?

  9. piqued Says:

    http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/showbiz/article-23623626-details/Top+Gear%27s+Stig+is+%27unmasked%27/article.do

    Oh sweet god, no

    He’s human, with hair

  10. Mel Says:

    *struggles to care*

    *doesn’t manage*

    this may be coz i iz a guurrl

  11. piqued Says:

    How can you not care Mel?

    You’re no girl, girls get all en-frothed a the sight of a man wearing a Simpson lid with a tinted visor

  12. Mel Says:

    Oh, what *does* that make me then?

  13. piqued Says:

    A nun, a dirty rotten ruddy nun

  14. The Wolfmen Says:

    Can’t be doing with ‘stenders and it’s grief TV

  15. Mel Says:

    Blimey, one learns a lot on this site.
    *Is enlightened*

  16. piqued Says:

    Wolfman, the Stig.

    Unlike Melnun you’re presumably equipped with a winkle, what say you?

  17. Swineshead Says:

    Personally I couldn’t care less about ‘The Stig’. I have a massive tail on my front.

  18. piqued Says:

    If you’d said that a month ago I’d have believed you, but of late, you’ve been watching… I NO U AND YOR TAYL

  19. Nick T Says:

    Mel, the silent folk in TA are mere pawns. Take, for example, the latest Will knocking over the concrete mushroom…………

  20. Mel Says:

    Yes, i was just listening to that on ‘Listen Again’, which prompted the question.

    Oh, listening to the Archers in the internets – maybe piqued is right.

    *prays*

  21. Nick T Says:

    I podcast it Mel.

  22. piqued Says:

    I used to listen to the Archers a lot, I can’t these days because of Rory (an adult making baby noises) and his fucking dad mentioing him all the cunting time. But the main reason is Ruth. She makes me want to skin my fore. That fucking accent and her goody-two shoes attitutude AAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. NOT IN MY NAYM

  23. Nick T Says:

    She is possibly the most anoying. Jazza has the worst accent. I’m sure he just maKES WORDS UP!

  24. piqued Says:

    *shoves bic up cock slit*

  25. Nick T Says:

    See what you’ve done Mel?

  26. Mel Says:

    hey it was a perfectly innocent question. I cannot be held responsible for Piqued’s mental state, nor his propensity for self harm.

  27. ugeine Says:

    I always wondered that with neigbours. The Kennedy clan seemed to be running an adoption service with the amount of kids they took into their house and this mansion full of little kids would be dead for about three weeks and then all hell would break loose.

    I liked to think that Sky Mangel just got on a bus at the end of her storylines and dissapeared to nowhere like in ghostworld but sadly she went all blonde.

  28. Nick T Says:

    See, you just don’t care.

    What illness do you have Mel?

    *cares*

  29. Swineshead Says:

    The Archers? I feel like I’ve walked into an old folks’ home.

  30. Nick T Says:

    Get used to it you old git….

  31. Nick T Says:

    *licks gums*

  32. piqued Says:

    Speaking of illness, Clarry under the knife today. I think we should allow ourselves a few minutes of quiet contemplation in her honour

    *gently removes bic*

  33. Mel Says:

    Yeah sorry SH, I also feel a bit like that TBH, even though i appear to be of a similar age to the rest of you (except piqued), judging by having such similar cultural references.

    Nick – no illness per se, thanks for asking. I had a little accident, and am a bit bruised up. One eye refuses to open, and depth perception is a necessity in a town, such as the one where I reside, where cyclists are allowed to run amok! I also care a great deal that Piqued has decided upon self harm as a means of not listening to the Archers (especially “little Ruari”). I think simply not listening to R4 between 19.06 and 19.15 nor on a Sunday morning before DID to be a much safer way to relieve his pain.

  34. Nick T Says:

    *puts teeth back in*

    *bows head*

    *wig falls off*

  35. Swineshead Says:

    *plays GTA in silence*

    *thinks of nice things on Clarry’s behalf*

    Mel – don’t tell Piqued you’re injured, he likes that sort of thing, the ancient, doddering pervert.

  36. Napoleon Says:

    What’s going on in ‘ere?

  37. piqued Says:

    Oh, here he is..

    Nappers, The Stig. You’ll understand won’t you

    *looks up doe-eyed*

    *slides bic back in*

  38. Mel Says:

    Oops, thanks for the tip, SH.

    No injuries to see here Piqued, move along please.

  39. Napoleon Says:

    That’s him, is it? Well if it is, his job’s up the swanny.

    Actually, I’d read rumours it was Ben Collins before. I’m still not convinced, as I’m still holding out hope that it is a demon-like creature under that helmet.

  40. ugeine Says:

    Stig of the dump? Or a different stig?

  41. Napoleon Says:

    Stig of the Dump was shit.

  42. Mel Says:

    And yet, somehow, still better than Stig of the Top Gear…

  43. ugeine Says:

    Uncaring people like you are the reason he lived in the quarry all alone.

    *cries*

  44. Nick T Says:

    Catweasel was better..

  45. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – Rubbish! Obviously, being a bird, you haven’t got the faintest idea what you’re on about when it comes to talking about Top Gear. If your sort had their way, the show would be replaced with an hour’s worth of flaff about shoes, shopping and celebrities.

    Ugeine – Fuck him and his quarry.

  46. Napoleon Says:

    Wasn’t Catweasel played by the same fella who was in Wurzel Gummidge? Not Wurzel Gummidge – the other one?

    (Not Aunt Sally)

    Carly Simon’s Coming Around Again on the radio …

  47. Mel Says:

    NC – I am not a typical girl, as i also hate shoes and shopping and fluffy things.
    You are right about Catweasel though, he played the Crowman in Wurzel Gummidge

  48. Nick T Says:

    I think he was in the odd Avengers methinks…

  49. Swineshead Says:

    A stone cold classic – I know nothing stays the same.

    Catweasel – didn’t he form the Stereo MCs?

  50. Mel Says:

    And Charlotte Coleman was in WG as well, before she went on to play Marmalade Atkins in that all time classic “Educating Marmalade”

    Ah, they don’t make kids TV like that anymore. Not that i have watched kids TV since i was a kid, you understand.

  51. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I doubt that. Like the rest of your accursed sex, your house is no doubt overflowing with shoes and clothes you never wear and magazines full of celebrity tittle-tattle. And your bed’s covered in stuffed toys, despite you being an adult. And you’re a bloody vegetarian. This is what ALL women are like, and no amount of ‘facts’ to the contrary will persuade me otherwise. So there!

  52. Mel Says:

    NC – that may be correct, but they belong to my boyfriend!

  53. piqued Says:

    Jon Pertwee (he was Doctor Who, 2nd one I think -my favourite too, his assistant Sarah was right hot, probably) was Wurzel, Geoffrey Baynam was Catweazel (or something)

    More spurious facts to follow

  54. piqued Says:

    Melnun, you can’t have a boyfriend, your ‘boyfriend’ is the Lord and he doesn’t exist

  55. ugeine Says:

    Flawless, Piqued.

  56. piqued Says:

    You should see my penis if you want ‘flawless’ Ugeine

    *unzips*

    *notices bic poking out helmet*

    *zips*

    You should see my pens, I mean.

    (Not that one though)

  57. Who Says:

    What was the Crowman’s dog called? He used to ride in the basket on his three wheeled bike.

  58. Mel Says:

    Sorry for my absence, i had a little ROFL, and have just dusted myself back down.

    Oh, piqued, there are laws against that you know, now PUT THAT AWAY

  59. Napoleon Says:

    God-botherer, is she? I might have guessed. There used to be one of those buggers in the flat below me who used to roar Bible quotations up my stairs whenever I played the Godless music of The Rolling Stones. My dog went for a shit in his house once.

  60. ugeine Says:

    Now I know how Joan of Arc felt.

  61. Mel Says:

    I gave up bothering imaginary friends many many moons ago – in fact as soon as i was “confirmed” and therefore allowed to make up my own mind i told them to bugger off.
    My mum was not happy *has catholic guilt flashback*

  62. Napoleon Says:

    Why, Ugeine? Are you on fire at the moment?

  63. Mel Says:

    Ugeine – as the flames rose to your Roman nose?

  64. ugeine Says:

    I live with a Christian. She doesn’t eat pork. I don’t get quite how pork gets in the way of eternal salvation and God’s infinite love, but I’m hellbound anyway.

  65. The Spaghetti Says:

    You mean, all those people wandering round shopping centres whilst wearing “I am the Stig” t-shirts were… were… fibbing??????

    I don’t believe it.

  66. ugeine Says:

    Mel: And my Walkman started to melt.

  67. piqued Says:

    ‘I live with a Christian. She doesn’t eat pork’

    This is correct, it says in the bible that you shouldn’t, the Christians usually flaunt this one, that and the bit about killing.

    Melnun, same here. Confirmed and out.

  68. Napoleon Says:

    She doesn’t eat pork? Are you sure she’s a Christian? I thought their particular branch of fairytale mumbo-jumbo didn’t have ancient dietry restrictions (that is if, like they do, you ignore that whole not eating shellfish dictat in the bible)?

  69. piqued Says:

    LEVITICUS, chapter 11, verse 7-8

    Also the pig, because it is a splitter of the hoof and a former of a cleft in the hoof, but it itself does not chew the cud. It is unclean for you. You must not eat any of their flesh, and you must not touch their dead body. They are unclean to you

  70. piqued Says:

    Btw, I knew that quote and shit, I didn’t copy it or nothing…

    Right, just off to be on the right hand side of my father for a bit, I mean take a big plop

  71. Mel Says:

    Someone was clearly *said in Terry Jones voice* makin’ it up.

    What utter rabid nonsense (Leviticus, not piqued, for once).

  72. Napoleon Says:

    Yes, but Leviticus is Old Testament, isn’t it? I thought your Christian mob swept all that aside with their endless sorting things out conferences in the early days of the church. I’ve certainly never heard of a Christian not eating pork before. Jews and Muslims, yes, but not Christians.

  73. piqued Says:

    …oh, one other thing. That quote follows some stuff about eating Chunky Peanut Kit Kats at dusk

  74. ugeine Says:

    When I say she’s a Christian, she’s an Adventist, so that might have something to do with it.

    Not that it matters. when you believe a jewish guy rose from the dead and a senior citizen built a battleship eating stuff been a reason for eternal damnation isn’t that much of a stretch of the imagination.

  75. The Spaghetti Says:

    Piqued – surely you’re thinking of “Gremlins”, not the Good Book?

  76. The Spaghetti Says:

    I read a good book the other day. About some ships.

  77. Nick T Says:

    An “IN-vetist”

    HA ha ha HA

  78. piqued Says:

    …hang on, New Testament gives the peanut Chunky Kit Kats the thumbs up. No Dime bars on the Sabbath though, blast

  79. ugeine Says:

    *hi fives Nick*

  80. ugeine Says:

    What’s so unclean about pigs anyway? Cows are hardly sanitary.

  81. ugeine Says:

    Sorry, I was trying to find logic in religion there. My mistake.

  82. Nick T Says:

    Why do the botherers of various gods, object to the forskin.
    Eh?
    Answers on a postcard to the usual address….

  83. Mel Says:

    . Not much, except, like shellfish, their meat tends to go off quickly, especially in warmer climes (such as the middle east)

    If the Bible were to be made up today, they would probably say the same for leftovers at the back of the fridge that have developed interesting life forms.

  84. Mel Says:

    erm, that was about pigs, not foreskins…

  85. Swineshead Says:

    Cows ARE dirty, I agree. I went for a walk in the countryside once, pointed out a cow to my other half and lo, it did lift its tail and spew turd from it’s anus, without even batting one of its monstrous eyelids. Dirty cow.

  86. ugeine Says:

    So you go to Hell for letting meat go off now? Christ, he’s not got much patience.

  87. Napoleon Says:

    Ugeine – Pigs were riddled with all manner of unsavoury parasites and worms THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO. The writers of the Bible were trying to point out practical dos and don’ts for the faithful living THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO IN THE DESERT. This, then, is just one reason why basing your life around a book written for the benefit of long-dead, unhygeinic serfs with a life-expectancy not much above thirty years old is peculiar. Still, whatever gets you through the day …

  88. ugeine Says:

    God bless you napoleon. Or not, but you know what I mean.

  89. Napoleon Says:

    I had the misfortune to spend some time on a dairy farm in Cumbria as a boy. I lived in a caravan on my own (my parents and I were never close), and every morning I’d open my curtains to the sight of cows spraying their shite up my windows.

    So Swineshead’s right – they DO go for shits.

  90. ugeine Says:

    So basically, she’ll never eat pork because thousands of years ago it went off in a fairly warm climate (not turn of the millennium Northampton)? Ha! Silly bitch. Though her religion doesn’t stop her getting porked though. Ho ho ho.

  91. Tom Laird Says:

    Christians don’t “Flaunt” that one .They may indeed Flout it if it in fact applied to them. Which it doesn’t. Or any other dietary requirements of the OT. The only dietary restriction in the NT is Paul’s advice to abstain from the meat of strangled animals. Was the pork strangled?
    They are definitely not allowed to shag women who are not their wives or stick their willies up other peoples bums.
    Never stops me though…..OOOPS!

  92. piqued Says:

    I saw a horse do a big piss once, it went on for ages. It was still going after I came

  93. piqued Says:

    Flaunt, flout, fuckoff, it’s all much of a muchness

  94. Mel Says:

    Piqued – do you know that you can whistle to encourage horses to wee – but only if you think they need one.

  95. Napoleon Says:

    Piqued’s just sent me a video of a half-naked woman farting repeatedly into a cake. I … erm … well I don’t really know what else to say.

    http://www.cakefarts.com/

    If you watch this at work, welcome to the unemployment line …

  96. piqued Says:

    I didn’t send that!

    *eats cake*

  97. Napoleon Says:

    Liar.

  98. Swineshead Says:

    Tom – that’s incriminating evidence, that is.

    Mel – what tune do you have to whistle? Wee Are The World?

    Nappers – the filthy bastard sent that to me too. Obviously – I watched the whole thing. Then ill-advisedly told my missus that I’d watched it on her computer.

  99. piqued Says:

    *whistle at ugly fat woman in the office*

  100. piqued Says:

    I didn’t send anything to anyone.

    This cake is awfully brown.

  101. Mel Says:

    SH – ‘Horse wee, horse wee don’t you stop’
    *hopes everyone knows that nursery rhyme*

  102. Napoleon Says:

    Swineshead – My missus is sat on the opposite sofa to mine, and was DISGUSTED with the noises coming out of my computer courtesy of Piqued and his mucky mind. Didn’t stop me watching the entire video, mind.

  103. Nick T Says:

    So a horse will wee, if it wants to…..

  104. Tom Laird Says:

    That is the most appalling yet funny thing I have seen in ages.

    Now that one is definitely ut if your a Christian.

    Pauls letter to the Flatulent Chapter 1 verse 3

  105. Tom Laird Says:

    Incriminating me as a Bummer or a Christian?

  106. piqued Says:

    ‘Now that one is definitely ut if your a Christian’

    Pardon?

  107. Swineshead Says:

    Ut

  108. Tom Laird Says:

    Sometimes spelled “oot” if you are Jockinese.

    “Out”. If you are Engerlish

  109. Mel Says:

    Nick – if you are riding a horse, it will stop to wee. Sometimes it pretends it wants one to play silly buggers. If you whistle, and it is not lying, it cannot help but to start passing water. If it is pretending, no wee will be forthcoming, and so you can make it go on it’s way.

  110. Nick T Says:

    Beats cow tipping, Mel

  111. Mel Says:

    except my fact is true and cow tipping is nonsense.

  112. Napoleon Says:

    Why’s cow tipping nonsense?

  113. piqued Says:

    Keep talking about horse wee, I’ve not finished

  114. Mel Says:

    Because cows actually do lie down to sleep, as do most other four-legged animals. Thus, it is not possible to push them over while asleep. Also, they and their ancestors are prey creatures, which use things like the herd to protect them, meaning one is always on guard and thus it is very difficult to sneak up on one to ‘tip’ it anyway.

    Now i have revealed myself as a zoology geek. Can we go back to discussing the finer points of having imaginary friends?

  115. Nick T Says:

    Tell Beavis & Butthead PROF!

  116. Napoleon Says:

    You could push ’em over when they’re awake though. And it’d serve ’em right too. Cud-chewing shithouses.

  117. piqued Says:

    Baaah, thanks a lot Mel. I was on Eric Liddell at 3 yards and you buggered it up with bovine back chat.

    Some nun you are.

  118. Mel Says:

    *whistles*

  119. piqued Says:

  120. Nick T Says:

    *falls over*

    Bitch!

  121. Mel Says:

    Ugh, as in innocently piqued!

    And Eric Liddell was a committed Christian Missionary. I doubt he would have approved. Nor did he eat pork, probably

  122. piqued Says:

    Liddell rhymes with Piddle. Eat that nunny

  123. Tom Laird Says:

    By the looks of things Liddle has just caught one of those cakefarts straight in the mush.

  124. Tom Laird Says:

    or Liddell. Thats probably why he flailed his arms about as well.

  125. Nick T Says:

    I’m WEEding my video collection, I have a series on classic motorcycles from 1995. Titles include “German Motorbikes” “Avantil” “british Motorbike of the 1950s” and four more. Anyone?

  126. Napoleon Says:

    I like the bit where Nigel Havers is hurdling without spilling any champagne.

  127. Nick T Says:

    Otherwise they get sent away and get made in to fence posts and stuff

  128. Tom Laird Says:

    I used to work in Waterstone’s or Bastardstone’s as I like to call it. Nigel Havers came in and had a go at us for not displaying his biography more prominently. He actually said “do you realise who I am.”

    He never spilled any champagne while he was being a knob either

  129. piqued Says:

    I’m WEEding my video collection, I have a series on classic motorcycles from 1995. Titles include “German Motorbikes” “Avantil” “british Motorbike of the 1950s” and four more. Anyone?

    Yes please

    I’ll pay postage Nick, can you mail me

  130. Tom Laird Says:

    PS. He does indeed “Haver”.

  131. Mel Says:

    Ugh, I hate celebs that do that (again, contrary to NC’s belief).

    I used to work at a (n un)popular electrical retailer whilst at uni, and both Anne Robinson and Tony Robinson uttered those words to me.

    Hmm, do you think it could be something to do with being called Robinson (or Havers)?

  132. Napoleon Says:

    Tom – If I was Nigel Havers, I’d go around saying, “Do you know who I am?”, at upstart Jock shop assistants. You should have got on your hands and knees and thanked him for bringing back the gold for Blighty (England) from the 1924 Olympic Games.

  133. Nick T Says:

    I thought you might like them. I’ll try and sort it in the next couple of weeks. VHS natch

  134. Tom Laird Says:

    The best bit is when he announced he was very good friends with our National Director.
    “Whats his name?” Quoth my manager.
    “I don’t remember” said Haverer.

    Priceless

    I think he spilled some champagne at that point

  135. piqued Says:

    Nick, much appreciated. I remember the series, didn’t Timothy Spall do the commentary? The old (er than me) man will be chuffed too

  136. Tom Laird Says:

    Everyone ran at 2 miles an hour in the olden days. You could have won a gold back then. Though I don’t think you would have left the champagne unscathed.

  137. Napoleon Says:

    Nick – Got any blueys?

  138. Mel Says:

    Yeah, that’ll do it Tom!

    I was bitched at for ages by Anne, but got my own back on Tony. He was trying to jump a very long queue at Christmas time. He tried to push to the front, and I said he would have to wait. When he said “do you know who i am?” I replied (with my very best innocent lookTM) “Yes sir, you are a valued customer. I am afraid though, that we have a lot of other valued customers in today, so you will have to wait your turn”
    People thanked me for that one.

  139. Nick T Says:

    No idea. I have to weed 13,000 tapes. I’m up to 3000. My eyes are tiny slits. Ironically my sl……

  140. Nick T Says:

    Yes Naps I do!
    Some fantastic Swedish stuff. “Show ME Love” is a good one. We use it to scare students…

  141. Tom Laird Says:

    …..and I still say Winston Churchill was a fat twat.

  142. Nick T Says:

    Mel was it Comets?

  143. Tom Laird Says:

    Anne Robinson…..Wasn’t she Bob Maxwell’s shagbag?

    Tony Robinson….. The unfunny one from Blackadder that digs up peoples gardens these days.

    Yep! I know who they are.

  144. Mel Says:

    *innocent face TM*

  145. Mel Says:

    Why Nick, are you Tony Robinson using a Pseudonym?

  146. Swineshead Says:

    I’m sure that whatever blueys you’ve got, Nick, they’re currently being seeded on some disreputable website as we speak.

  147. Mel Says:

    Tom – this was back in the day, so Anne Robinson had probably just finished being his shag bag, as he had been found floating belly up after ripping off the Nation’s poor pensioners some years before. She was doing Watchdog at this point. And it was also back in the day when Blackadder had finished, but way before anyone thought to give Tony access to other weird Westcuntry folk with degrees and diggers.

  148. Nick T Says:

    Mel, I have just ranted on my latest podcast about them.
    Gripping eh?

  149. Mel Says:

    DISCLAIMER:

    I worked for them over 12 years ago. The views expressed are not necessarily those of Comet.

    Whenever i actually admitted to having once worked there, I always got people complaining about the time they refused to replace a stereo or somesuch.

    Hope you have better luck Nick.

  150. Nick T Says:

    They put the price of a fridge up by £50!!!!
    Reason given was the state of the £
    The internet got me a bargain.
    Their days are numbered.

  151. Tom Laird Says:

    I think I would rather be belly up in the drink rather than be belly up under Anne Robinson, and my standards are pretty low. I am officially to lazy to have a wank. I wonder if Private Eye or Peter cook ever got their money back after calling dear old Captain Bob a “fat crook.”

  152. Mr H Says:

    Anne Robinson, eh? I would. But then our standards up here in Scotchland are fantastically low. And what with her being a ginger, that fishully makes her an easy lay up here.

  153. Tom Laird Says:

    Didn’t she also make John Noakes cry by asking him where Shep was?

    The Wednesday Witch indeed.

    Someone told me she was the inspiration for Private Eye’s Glenda Slagg.

    Don’t know if thats true…but it should be.

  154. Tom Laird Says:

    Mr.H if you are a fan of The Rawk music a la Skynyrd. I reccomend a band called Dixie Witch.

    Perhaps you have heard them

  155. Mr H Says:

    Yes, but then John Noakes is a bona fide nutter. Back in ye guid olde days he would have been in a cage while people threw fruit at him, tuppence a go. It’s why there were called ye guid olde days.

  156. Mr H Says:

    Indeed sir, Dixie Witch do rawk. I was most partial to their “One Bird, Two Stones” release.

    They’re no Black Oak Arkansas, but have a way with a tune, especially ‘Traveller’, which goes on forever, courtesy of several hundred guitar solos.

  157. piqued Says:

    It’s getting a bit ‘deep fried mars bar’ in here. Can someone open a window

  158. piqued Says:

    Black Oak Arkansas, I like them. Best band name ever in my humbles

    *eats deep fried mars bar*

  159. Mr H Says:

    Och aye the noo, it’s a braw bricht moonlicht nicht the nicht. fair faw yer honest sonsie face, ya great pudden. Lang mey yer lum reek.

  160. piqued Says:

    Good Lord!

  161. Nick T Says:

    *Chucks copy of Whisky Galour*

  162. Tom Laird Says:

    Hoots Man.Last Call is ma favourite Dixie Witch track.

    Superb. Followed by Ballinger Cross then Into The Sun

    Och aye ye ken, made from girders, yer troosers.

  163. Mr H whose peed of at WordPress Says:

    I fail to see how anyone could fail to love Black Oak Arkansas. That washboard solo in the “Raunch n Roll” live version of When Electricity Came To Arkansas just slays. Hear it here, with added chicks.
    uk.youtube.com/watch?v=mD1nMVLc8Is

  164. Nick T Says:

    I only listen to Steely Dan……

  165. Mr H Says:

    All this talk of Anne Robinson and Steely Dans means I’m nipping off early for a quick one…..

  166. piqued Says:

    ‘Whisky Galour’

    *…is about to be sarcastic*

    *remembers Motorcycle vids*

  167. Mel Says:

    BTW chaps, as it is approaching the time when most right-thinking people head off for their teas, can i just say thanks for having me, and playing nice!

    You people have definitely brightened up what would otherwise have been a very dull day.

    I might try this again soon.

  168. Nick T Says:

    Ha!

    Ta sord of danycleese angs over ur ed.

  169. Nick T Says:

    My blogs much beterererererererererererererereeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    *lies*

  170. Nick T Says:

    *goes home*

    *is posting to quickly, slows down….*

  171. Tom Laird Says:

    Bollocks to the Sword Of Damycles.

    It’s the Knife Of Stanley that worries me.

    BOA . Was Jim Dandy a DLR Look a like or was it the other way roond?

  172. ugeine Says:

    I love catching up on this thing at the end of the day.

    Did anybody catch Johnny Borrel on Radio 1 last night? I’ve already tried to kill him twice, and it made even ME hate him more.

  173. Napoleon Says:

    *listens to a bit of Focus*

  174. Tom Laird Says:

    Piqued.

    Dumpy’s Rusty Nuts is a far better name for a band.

    Someone should use it.

  175. Tom Laird Says:

    Nappers.

    Do you drive a yellow Stang by any chance?

  176. Swineshead Says:

    What did Borrell say then?

  177. ugeine Says:

    Couple of things. He chose Grinderman – No Pussy blues as a song he liked and said something along the lines of ‘great album, really getting back to his roots, nice to see him playing guitar again.’ I mean, christ, do some research first!

    Also, said when introducing the Pixies, ‘this is what made me want to pick up a guitar in the first place’ as if the best introduction of a really good rock band to a new audience he could think of was that it made it possible for him to write America.

    But mainly, there was no single moment of david brent style head in hand moments, but he just confirmed everything you thought he was in real life, when it would have been nice to come away from it thinking ‘he’s not so bad, actually.’

  178. Swineshead Says:

    Carefully selected, but obvious tunes there from the tousled hair buffoon. The Grinderman is ace but I suspect it actually gives him a headache, and makes him turn to the latest Keane release so he can fire his MOR cylinder back to normal.

  179. ugeine Says:

    Nick Cave’s such a go to guy for twatty bores who want to look knowledgeable about alternative music. Take this conversation I had with a guy friend of a friend in Sheffield on the weekend:

    ‘Oh yeah, I love Nick Cave, his music is such a thing of beauty.’

    (me) ‘Cool, what’s your favourite album?’

    ‘Oh, you know, I don’t really know any of them, just appreciate the songs.’

    ‘Oh, what’s your favourite song?’

    Oh, you know, probably couldn’t name a song, I don’t ‘get’ music that way, but I feel such a deep connection with his music.

    ‘I liked Abattoir Blues, that was a great album.’

    [blank look]

    ‘And Mercy Seat, that was a bloody brilliant song.’

    ‘He wrote that? I thought That was Johnny Cash?’

  180. Nick T Says:

    I like Ring of Fire….

  181. Rebecca Monk Says:

    haha this is true! where do they go? all of them must have a quick trip abroad 😉

  182. Suzyf Says:

    Dear Swineshead
    You know that any Soap Quarantine means a stint in Panto – don’t worry they will be back in Feb!!!

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