Gok Wan: Too Fat Too Young / Horizon: Why Are Thin People Not Fat?


abdominal fat

Yet more food-based television for you.

Bet you can’t wait. Like the TV Execs who commission this stuff endlessly, I reckon your hunger for this junk-TV is insatiable. TV is your feeder and you, reader, are its BBV (Big Beautiful Viewer).

So first up, Gok Wan. Channel 4’s Mr Charisma – otherwise known as ‘him again’ – manages to tell us very little of any substance over the course of fifty minutes apart from the fact that he was once absolutely bloody enormous. 21 stone of Gok. If you didn’t see it, all you missed out on were a few historical Gok-shots of Mr Wan when he was obese, wobbling about on a stage with a 90s curtain-cut. Not amusing, not particularly revelatory, just a little bit voyeuristic. All the stuff surrounding it left no real mark, so this ended up as just an anti-vanity piece by Gok – a slice of self-flagellation cum self-congratulation with no real purpose other than to strengthen his resolve not to eat pork pies ever again. Bizarre.

And so we move to BBC2’s latest Horizon offering – Why Are Thin People Not Fat?

I switched this on whilst eating two quarter pounders, chips and mushy peas. It’s a moronic question to which the only logical answer I could muster was ‘because they’re thin’, through a mouthful of masticated junk-cud. Swiftly followed by ‘now stop asking stupid questions and put a sitcom on’.

The brief for this show was to feed a handful of skinny students shitloads of cake and monitor them to see if they put on weight, which they did, in varying  amounts. One kid’s extra input turned into muscle (the lucky swine), one kid grew a massive gut and most just grew love-handles. It was another tiresome example of the Spurlock Effect, in which lazy Producers, lost for ideas, nick the format of Supersize Me for the umpteenth time and film the predictable result.

Some vaguely amusing shots of the young ‘uns gorging themselves to the point of nausea aside, the rest of this was straight-faced fat-facts. It essentially comprised so many differing schools of thought on why some folk are pre-disposed to weight gain that it rendered them all meaningless, with no discernible conclusion amongst the wildly opposing scientific theories.

Pah! Thanks a lot, ‘science’!

The kids lost the weight without any effort after two weeks. Gok lost all his girth years ago. BBC 2 and Channel 4 lost all their substance when this obsession with food robbed us of decent televisual output, which snowballed the minute Jamie Oliver, the Naked bloody Chef, made food trendy – and for that I reckon we should burn the bastard at the stake.


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158 Responses to “Gok Wan: Too Fat Too Young / Horizon: Why Are Thin People Not Fat?”

  1. Nick T Says:

    The viewing public must be hungry for this kind of entertainment!

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha

    *fall off chair*

    *drinks scotch*

  2. Von Says:

    Or at the steak!

    Budum tish!



    I’ll be off then.

  3. Swineshead Says:

    I think I might’ve made that weak gag at the start of the article.

  4. Swineshead Says:

    It appears to be weak-gag day.

  5. Do I not like that! Says:

    It was some years ago, a bright spark presenter suggested cooking was the new rock n’ roll. It was then I realised my view of the World was completely at odds with the prevailing TV culture.

  6. Von Says:

    I thought comedy was the new rock and roll. Which is wrong. Cooking has about as much to do with rock and roll as administration work. Any suggestion for what the new rock and roll is?

  7. Nick T Says:

    Poverty Von ….. and black

  8. Swineshead Says:

    The new rock n roll … a good question.

    Well – it has to be something kids are obsessed with and adults don’t understand…

  9. Von Says:

    Knife crime?

  10. Swineshead Says:

    I’ve twittered the query

  11. Ashby de la Launde Says:

    Actually, administration work is the new rock ‘n’ roll. I can see them now, laughing, with their haircuts, getting files out, putting them away again. They love it.

  12. Swineshead Says:

    Admin and knife crime are so far the newest rock n rolls then.

  13. Nick T Says:

    and POVERTY

  14. Nick T Says:

    I propose a new biscuit for the age.

    The “Credit Crunch” a crisp outer layer filled with fear and despair…

  15. Napoleon Says:

    They should flick the buggers with towels. That’s how they dealt with fat bastards in my day.

  16. Ashby de la Launde Says:

    If you pronouce ‘credit’ so it rhymes with ‘shreddie’, then you’re on to something there. Le Crunch Credit.

  17. rich Says:

    I was sat next to Gok Wan at the theatre once, and he stuffed his once-fat face with haribo from curtain up to curtain down. Barely saw any of the show in the second half as his nose was buried so far inside his bucket of gelatin.

    why are thin people not fat? Because they’re not lazy self pitying fuckers thats why.

  18. Mel Says:

    Did they discuss transfats? eh?

    Remember NC, you read it here first!

  19. Napoleon Says:

    I’ve already forgotten what they are, Mel.

  20. Mel Says:

    The scourge of our fat nation

  21. Nick T Says:

    M&S have banned trans fats in all their products Mel…

  22. Mel Says:

    Nick, this is not surprising. It is the middle classes that worry about these kind of things, and so the are just playing to their target demographic.

  23. roszs Says:

    Did anyone watch that programme with the bloke from Dragons Den last night, about the City? It was quite interesting (well, not enough to distract me from online Boggle, but enough to listen to in the background).

    Online Boggle: The New Rock n Roll.

  24. Swineshead Says:

    Twinkle-Tits? Evan Davis?
    I reckon proles like us should keep us noses out of all that City business and let bankers fuck up our lives as they wish.

  25. Ashby de la Launde Says:

    Online Boggle??

    Where is this please?

  26. roszs Says:

    Not sure – URL is on my laptop, but google online boggle and its quite high up in the searches.

    Its a bit addictive tho… BE WARNED.

  27. piqued Says:

    Can you please let us have your laptop then Rosz?

    God some people are so selfish

  28. piqued Says:

    By the way, when did ‘laptop’ become ‘notebook’ as they’re referred to by ‘the young’ these days

  29. Napoleon Says:

    I agree with Swineshead. It’s not for the likes of us to question the ways of our betters, I reckon.

  30. Von Says:

    When they stopped using actual notebooks.

  31. Mel Says:

    Ohmygod Online Boggle. Roszs, i wish you had never told me that.

    *awaits the sack*

  32. piqued Says:

    *presents sack*

    Don’t bite it Mel

  33. Ashby de la Launde Says:

    It’s all flash and that, I can’t use it. Which is a shame, because I know I could recognise some words if I had to.

  34. Swineshead Says:

    *joins Piqued in revealing sack*

    *realises sack is far superior to Piqued’s feeble, wrinkly, transparent scrotum*

  35. Nick T Says:

    Macs have notebook PCs have laptops

  36. Mel Says:

    Bite it?
    Is that some kind of perverted euphemism?
    Having learned yesterday’s lesson, I’m not clicking any links you may use in answer to that.

  37. Mel Says:

    aaargh, i’ve just got that.
    *scrubs mind’s eye*

  38. Napoleon Says:

    Laptops were originally called notebooks, Piqued. Then we started calling ’em laptops when we decided to boil our balls by having ’em on our laps. Now people are going back to calling ’em notebooks. ‘Notebook’ is more descriptive of the machine (as you’re becoming aware), as they’re not much use above taking notes.

  39. piqued Says:

    Can you do SH’s sack too, it smells of plop

    *remains standing displaying sack*

  40. piqued Says:

    Thanks NC.


  41. Mel Says:

    *kicks hard*

  42. piqued Says:

    *eyeballs roll*

    Yeth, more

  43. Swineshead Says:

    If you’re noit already subscribed to the WWM digest, could you subscribe?
    On the mainpage, top right is where to do it. Roszs, Nappers, Von, Nick, Piqued already are… not sure ’bout the rest of you.

  44. Mel Says:

    will you sell my e-mail address to anyone SH?

  45. Napoleon Says:

    Mel – I’m in charge of selling people’s e-mail’s addresses. I’ve earmarked yours for a nice Nigerian chap I know.

  46. Swineshead Says:

    I’ll only sell it to my pimp, and he treats his girls nice.

  47. Mel Says:

    well, both of those suggestions are fine, i would rather have reassurances that it wont fall into piqued’s filthy hands

  48. piqued Says:

    Oh single me out Mel why don’t you

    *puts sack away*

  49. Telemachus Says:

    Mel which major town are you near in the Netherlands?

  50. Mel Says:

    TM: none of their towns are that major…

  51. roszs Says:

    I bet she’s off her tits on nose cocaine and sex-women in Amsterdam.

  52. roszs Says:

    Londoners, do any of you know a good pub in Camden where to have early evening Saturday pints?

  53. Mel Says:

    Roszs – don’t go to Camden.

    Also, what other kind of cocaine is there? Is nose cocaine different from bottom cocaine, or belly button cocaine?

  54. piqued Says:

    The Devonshire Rosz, you’d like it there


    *disappears in plume of dry ice*

  55. Do I not like that! Says:

    Camden is trendy and for tourists roszs, you want to go to West London.

  56. piqued Says:

    I still have a soft spot for it.

    Rosz, The Worlds End is so vast you can always find a place to rest yo ass

    Mutha far kuss

  57. Napoleon Says:

    I was offered drugs on street in Camden – drugs! In broad daylight! I was so disgusted, I wrote to my local MP.

  58. Mel Says:

    Everyone gets offered drugs on the streets of Camden NC, especially outside the tube.

    My advice: Score in the pubs; better quality

  59. Do I not like that! Says:

    rosz, you wnt to go to the Dove in Hammersmith. (ON Piccadilly or District line). It is by the river, very old and frequented in the past by Graham Greene and Ernest Hemingway.

  60. Mel Says:

    Seconded, that is quite a nice pub DINLT

  61. piqued Says:

    Someone was trying to drag me there only last week…

    I’m not going because Graham Greene and Ernest Hemingway used to drink there and they’re both dead.

  62. Swineshead Says:

    I wouldn’t go to the World’s End, it’s a shithole.

    As a former Camden resident, I recommend The Spreadeagle on Parkway – nice for a quiet pint and you’ll more than likely get a seat.

  63. Mel Says:

    Got out while you could eh SH?

    Although I guess you would also say that to me about Brixton.

  64. Do I not like that! Says:

    Ahh yes the Spreadeagle. Good choice. Does the Dublin Castle still exist?

  65. Ashby de la Launde Says:

    I second the spread eagle, it’s nice. They’ve had a tidy up.

  66. Napoleon Says:

    Dick Hudson’s just outside Bingley does a bloody good pint, Roszs. Place is the size of a stately home, so you should be able to find a seat.

  67. piqued Says:

    Spreadegle is nice too

    I’ve soft spot for The World’s End though, when I first went to Camden as a teen it was the first gaff I drank in.

  68. Napoleon Says:

    Here you are …

    Bloody good carvery. Mind you, it’s a bit on the dear side.

  69. Mel Says:

    And i bet you scored drugs in there too eh piqued?

  70. Do I not like that! Says:

    I try not to drink in pubs that were built in the twentieth century. I like old pubs and with a bit of history.

  71. piqued Says:

    No, never. I was always sorted. Never had to resort to scoring on the street in those days

  72. ugeine Says:


  73. Swineshead Says:

    I got out of Camden seconds before my liver turned to slop, Mel. Too many pubs in that place.

    Dublin Castle still exists. It’s alright during the day but at night becomes Alex Zane country.

    ROSZS – Avoid the Hawley Arms at ALL COSTS.

  74. roszs Says:

    Fanks for Camden hints. Mel – I have to go there, there is a Good Thing on, but first I want to gather the hordes* for a pint.

    *a horde of about 3 people

    Hammersmith is very far…

  75. roszs Says:

    The Good Mixer is in Camden isn’t it. Maybe I will bump into Kenickie AND Elastica.

  76. roszs Says:

    DINLT – I like old pubs too, and ones where it is £2.20 a pint. That is why Sam Smiths pubs are the besterest pubs in the world.

  77. Swineshead Says:

    I used to drink in plenty of 20th Century pubs. My old local in Hackney was The Three Compasses – pretty much a shed built in the 1970s filled with swearing taxi drivers.

  78. Swineshead Says:

    I drank cola in a Sam Smiths pub on Monday. The Angelic just off Shaftesbury Ave… a lovely boozer, so it is.

  79. Mel Says:

    But I think that Ijengerbrau (sp?) that they serve is undrinkable

  80. Nick T Says:

    I’d like to share this with y’all.
    It’s taken me all morning….http://nicktann.blogspot.com/

  81. Do I not like that! Says:

    In my day the Dublin Castle was bit down at heel, pool table (where I whipped everybodies ass) and Irish bands in the evening.

  82. Nick T Says:

    Is the Underworld under the Worlds End?

  83. Swineshead Says:

    Yes, Nick. And it bloody stinks. It smells of the pub above, which also stinks.

  84. Do I not like that! Says:

    I would suggest that it was the New Romantic movement that started Camden as a hotspot.

  85. Mel Says:

    And finished it too IMHO

  86. Von Says:

    Yup, see what they did there?

  87. poohugh Says:

    If you need a fun Sam Smiths’ pub crawl to do then it is here:

  88. Mel Says:

    Aaah, the Glasshouse stores. ONe of the first pubs i went to in the West End.

  89. Nick T Says:

    Thought so SH.

    I played sitar for an Indian rap band called “The Swamis” there once.

    They were quite good, never heard from them again.

  90. roszs Says:

    I was in the glasshouse stores last weekend, it is ACE.

  91. roszs Says:

    Mel – Ayingerbrau is a lovely beer, and so so cheap…

  92. Swineshead Says:

    Ooh – poohugh – someone has arrived from my fiendish Twitter recruitment campaign…

    I wish I had a life.

  93. Mel Says:

    Roszs, that makes my teeth hurt. Almost as much as Camden. I would never be allowed to be one of the “in-crowd” and hang around with the likes of Amy Winehouse – thank goodness.

  94. The Spaghetti Says:

    When I’m in charge, men will not be allowed to wear skinny jeans. Things are going to change, mark my words.

  95. ugeine Says:

    I wears skinny jeans.

  96. piqued Says:

    Sam Smith boozers always look okay but the actual beer they serve is piss, all on tap so it is

  97. The Spaghetti Says:

    Enjoy them while you can.

    Umbrella are also on the list. Not just for men tho. I’m not sexist.

  98. ugeine Says:

    Yeah, well if I get in power, I’m going to put a ban on internet names taken from types of pasta. How do you like them apples?

  99. The Spaghetti Says:

    By that time I will have fled with millions embezzled during my time in power. Under a new, non pasta-based, name.

  100. piqued Says:

    I wear ’em too. Though I’m wearing a baggier pant today. Skinny Jeans and the Black Bitch don’t go together unless I want a ball under each knee.

    And I don’t.

  101. ugeine Says:

    Christ, you’ve got it worked out well.

    Can I come with you?

    We’ll need some storage space for my skinny jeans and umbrellas, obviously.

  102. Napoleon Says:

    I’d just band the internet. And put you all in death camps.

  103. The Spaghetti Says:

    Perhaps Ikea could help.

  104. The Spaghetti Says:

    With storage, not death camps, obviously. Mind you, ever been on a saturday afternoon?

  105. Napoleon Says:

    Ban, not band. I’m a bit distracted at teh minute, I am.

  106. Napoleon Says:


  107. piqued Says:

    Yes please, no mayo though, I’m on a diet

  108. Nick T Says:

    …a ball under each knee..

    That’s ageing for ya

  109. Nick T Says:


  110. Nick T Says:

    John Martin is deaded!!!!

  111. ugeine Says:


  112. Napoleon Says:

    I just hear that, Nick. Again, like that Updyke fella, I’m struggling to remember anything about him.

  113. Nick T Says:

    Solid Air was probably his best album.

    He only had one leg, bit of a boozer, nice fella….

    I actually feel very sad about this…dammit!


  114. Nick T Says:

    Can’t post up a link! WordPress sucks arseeeeeee.

  115. piqued Says:

    Is he, oh shit.

  116. Nick T Says:

    I actualy feel sads….dammit!!!

  117. ugeine Says:

    Who the shitting shit is the shit?

  118. Nick T Says:

    youtube him the “whole in your heart” vid is the one

  119. Nick T Says:

    hurt in your heart

  120. The Spaghetti Says:

    Is that like “Total Eclipse Of The Heart”?

  121. Napoleon Says:

    Bonnie Tyler’s dead?

  122. Nick T Says:

    Only sharing the word “Heart” so no..

  123. roszs Says:

    Are you thinking of Hole In The Head by the Sugababes*, Nick?

    Or Pussycat Dolls, or Girls Aloud or whatever, I DON’T FUCKING KNOW.

  124. Swineshead Says:

    Bonnie Tyler? Dead?

    Or Carly Simon?

    Please… not Carly….

  125. Nick T Says:

    It’s just so sad..

  126. piqued Says:

    Saw John Martyn in Guildford once, I was the worse for wear and fell asleep half way through / before he even came on

    I admired his talent for sure, but the vast majority of his output was duller than plasterboard

  127. Nick T Says:

    He’s not for everyone….


  128. piqued Says:

    Neither is Ebola…

    Come on Nick, it could be worse, it could be Lemmy

  129. Nick T Says:

    Could be worse, could be me!

  130. piqued Says:

    Yes! Or Lemmy

  131. piqued Says:


  132. Swineshead Says:

    Oh balls. Nick Ferrari’s on the television.

  133. Swineshead Says:

    A man who looks like a thumb:


  134. Nick T Says:

    Looks like a chavscum pic. Is that site still going?

  135. Swineshead Says:


    Just interested and confused by your phrasiology in this article….
    “Last night the show was all about the Scotch (I’ve no idea why), so we were treated to Robert Carlysle talking gibberish under the guise of reciting some Burns poetry.”

    Hardly a great induction to being liked by a nation by your complete ignorance of Burns Night (I refer to your statement of, “I’ve no idea why”) but hey, noone can know everything…
    Scotch?! SCOTCH????!!!!!!… Were you on the stuff at the time of writing this?! You can’t drink or eat a nation!… or was the Culture Show actually all about whisky?!
    I’d like to refer you to the definition of Scotch in Wikipedia…
    “a largely obsolescent adjective meaning having to do with Scotland and sometimes considered pejorative unless related to food or drink.”
    As someone who grew up there, I can tell you that you can replace sometimes with always…
    I’d imagine that several people have already been in touch about this but just wanted to raise your awareness. Far better to stick with “the Scots” or “the Scottish” or “Scotland” to save yourself any grief!

  136. Nick T Says:

    Typical humourless scotch…….

  137. The Spaghetti Says:

    Mmmm, scotch eggs…

  138. The Spaghetti Says:

    …by which I mean any eggs from Scotchland, not just those wrapped in meat.

  139. roszs Says:

    Are you going to reply to the scotchman? He sounds very angry.

  140. Von Says:

    Mmmmm….wrapped in meat.

    Swines! I demand a chicken Kiev now!

  141. Swineshead Says:

    I replied and said that he was a Scotch and there was nowt I could do about it.

    Von – Ferrari is alive and well. No kiev for anyone.

  142. Von Says:

    Damn. How much nutrition can you get out of a pen you’ve been chewing on for the last few hours?

  143. Napoleon Says:

    Is that a Scotch banging on about Burns Night I spy? You should direct him here:


    That should cheer him up, the bone-chewing caveman.

  144. Nick T Says:

    Mrs Nick has just put adverts on my website.

    Money earned so far 83 cents

  145. The Spaghetti Says:

    Idea formulating…

    – Visit kebab shop
    – Buy pickled egg
    – Buy kebab
    – Wrap egg in kebab meat

    DIY scotch egg!!

  146. Nick T Says:

    Greek egg surley?

  147. ugeine Says:

    How dare you be ignorant towards Burns Night! I’m both shocked and appalled, SH, SHOCKED AND APPALLED.

  148. The Spaghetti Says:

    Fair point. How about, do as previously advised then deep fry?

  149. ugeine Says:

    I’m literally angry with rage.

  150. ugeine Says:

    That’s going to be my dinner, Spaghetti.

  151. Von Says:

    Fucks sake, i’m going to chew my arm off at this rate. i’d kill for a hmemade scotch egg right now. Kill.

  152. Dave Says:

    Gok Wan is an acronym of Go Wank.

    Speaking of which…

  153. Dave Says:


  154. Dave Says:

    Gawk On
    Gawk No
    Nag Wok

  155. Dave Says:

    Gawk On
    Gawk No
    Nag Wok

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    etc at a child’s level. I would like something high enough so that sticky fingers cannot touch the display along with a little something attractive on the unused space.

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